Sherlock Holmes is the most-represented literary character in media, so it was elementary that one day we would watch a film with the deductive detective. This time Holmes has to unravel an assassination that he suspects was orchestrated by his villainous arch-rival, Moriarty. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about logic, different interpretations of beloved characters, and flacid flashbacks. It's our review of The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:18:00 - Summary 0:2...
Mar 15, 2024•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 186
It's time for another family-friendly 90s martial arts movie, but this one is really something special. Three kids are gifted the power of the Dragon and have to fight their way through an impressively bad piece of cinema! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about zen-filmmaking, Edward Said, and why kids, in general, deserve better.. It's our review of Pocket Ninjas! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:15:45 - Summary 0:25:40 - Notable Scenes 0:33:25 - The Good 0:35:55 - The Bad 0:57:00 - The Ugly...
Mar 01, 2024•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 185
It's time for a 1970s sci-fi feature that tackles racism, bodily autonomy, and the best way to crash 10+ police cars. A doctor tries to save his own life by having his head attached to another man's body. What could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Get Out, Blues Brothers, and why needlepoint is for everyone. It's our review of The Thing with Two Heads! Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:30:35 - Summary 0:43:25 - Notable Scenes 0:50:45 - The Good 0:54:25 - The Bad 1:02:25 - The Ug...
Feb 15, 2024•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 184
We're reviewing a kids' movie that is making us rethink our entire childhoods! Evil dinosaurs, giant ships, siblings that become one person, what isn't there to love? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk children's media, Mass Effect, dinosaur species, and suitmation. It's our review of Attack of the Super Monsters! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:19:35 - Summary 0:30:05 - Notable Scenes 0:32:40 - The Good 0:35:30 - The Bad 0:45:00 - The Ugly...
Feb 01, 2024•53 min•Ep. 183
Some movies seek to answer timeless questions, such as "Can an invincible knight find true love during the Crusades?" If you think the answer is yes, then give a listen to Tom and Ryan as they review an Italian fantasy romance and discuss such relevant topics as: Renaissance literature, elaborate costuming, and what it means to be a "visual philosopher." It's our review of Hearts and Armor! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:24:10 - Summary 0:35:55 - Notable Scenes 0:45:00 - The Good 0:51:35 - ...
Jan 15, 2024•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 182
2023 somehow felt like it lasted 2 weeks and 10 years at the same time. But how did the movies we watched affect this time paradox? Which movie moment felt like it took forever? Which character would we most like to erase from history? And where does "zen filmmaking" fit into all of this? Find out in the 2023 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:05:40 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:10:35 - Worst Character 0:54:05 - Worst Moment or Line 1:32:20 - Worst Visual 1:59:10 - Best...
Jan 01, 2024•2 hr 34 min•Ep. 181
Happy Holidays! It's time for another Christmas-themed crowd-pleaser from the Hallmark Channel. And this time the film is brand new for this year! Can a Christmas-loving community survive some new neighbors who are hyper-competitive about the most wonderful time of the year? And will our heroine receive the Christmas proposal she so desires? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Lacey Chabert, character actors, and that most festive of activities: Nickelback jokes! It's our review of Haul Out the...
Dec 15, 2023•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 180
There's an absolute Earthsaster happening as the entire world gets sucked through a wormhole! Can this problem be solved, or are we headed for an Earthpocalypse? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about modern film effects, comparisons to Lost and Terminator 2, and bloviating IMDB biographies. It's our review of Earthtastrophe! Time stamps: 0:05:45 - Background 0:23:15 - Summary 0:38:50 - Notable Scenes 0:47:30 - The Good 0:53:20 - The Bad 1:11:15 - The Ugly...
Dec 01, 2023•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 179
There's an war going on right under our feet, and nobody but the top brass know about it! Why did we waste all our time going to space when we should have gone...beneath the Earth? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about racist depictions, running from a nuclear blast, and small-scale large-scale warfare. It's our review of Battle Beneath the Earth! Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:16:50 - Summary 0:29:35 - Notable Scenes 0:38:20 - The Good 0:44:50 - The Bad 1:01:40 - The Ugly...
Nov 19, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 178
If you're still in the mood for Spooky Season, we have yet another Peter Cushing British horror film to keep the creeps coming. This time Cushing and Christopher Lee are dueling over a skeleton that seems intent on coming back to life! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about twist endings, vaccinations against evil, and what makes a B-movie worth watching. It's our review of The Creeping Flesh! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:24:50 - Summary 0:42:15 - Notable Scenes 0:55:35 - The Good 1:06:50 -...
Nov 01, 2023•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 177
A light night of recording means we're feeling a little rambly and a little punchy as we talk about a comedy with an all-star cast and way too few laughs. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about dry humor, punching down, and, of course, The Banana Boat Song. Hijinks ensure during our review of Chu Chu and the Philly Flash! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:42:50 - Summary 0:55:30 - Notable Scenes 1:02:45 - The Good 1:07:40 - The Bad 1:25:45 - The Ugly...
Oct 15, 2023•1 hr 36 min•Ep. 176
A sleepy town with an even sleepier bog is rocked by a series of murders. Can a local trio of a doctor, a sheriff, and a pathologist find out what's causing these deaths? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about dog vs monster sounds, poorly ended scenes, and even more poorly timed romances. It's our review of Bog! Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:25:15 - Summary 0:39:40 - Notable Scenes 0:46:35 - The Good 0:49:55 - The Bad 1:05:40 - The Ugly...
Oct 01, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 175
There's a secret cabal with a dastardly plot inside the US government, and only Charlie Sheen can bring them to light. But will a toy helicopter foil his plans? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk bad scripts, under-utilizing Linda Hamilton, and poor attempts at cyber-security. It's our review of Shadow Conspiracy! Time stamps: 0:05:35 - Background 0:30:20 - Summary 0:43:40 - Notable Scenes 0:52:10 - The Good 0:56:15 - The Bad 1:09:45 - The Ugly...
Sep 18, 2023•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 174
A wicked woman is visiting from another planet, and she has destruction on her mind. But is this film about a Devil Girl actually a kitschy sci-fi romp, or is it something else entirely? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk one-room plays, the Twilight Zone, and love at first sight. It's our review of Devil Girl from Mars! Time stamps: 0:05:40 - Background 0:25:30 - Summary 0:39:00 - Notable Scenes 0:45:40 - The Good 0:52:30 - The Bad 1:02:10 - The Ugly...
Sep 01, 2023•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 173
They say the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing people that he doesn't exist. We argue think his greatest trick is actually gargoyles! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Milton, biker gangs, and the importance of preserving a mating pair of demons. It's our review of the 70's made-for-TV snoozer, Gargoyles! Time stamps: 0:03:35 - Background 0:21:40 - Summary 0:37:00 - Notable Scenes 0:42:40 - The Good 0:47:25 - The Bad 0:54:10 - The Ugly...
Aug 15, 2023•1 hr•Ep. 172
Murder! A shipping magnate is killed in cold blood, and only one detective can solve the crime. Step aside, Sherlock Holmes, because James Lee Wong is on the case! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about problematic portrayals, the science of infrared light, and whether or not this movie might actually be watchable. It's our review of Doomed to Die! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:18:50 - Summary 0:26:50 - Notable Scenes 0:34:00 - The Good 0:40:20 - The Bad 0:48:00 - The Ugly...
Aug 01, 2023•59 min•Ep. 171
Peter Cushing is back for more monster-horror adventures! This time a series of mysterious murders are being investigated in period England and Cushing has to figure out what's going on...wait, wasn't that the plot of the last Cushing movie we did? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about plot similarities, faux Frankenstein, and if being TOO British can ruin a movie...? It's our review of The Blood Beast Terror! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:16:20 - Summary 0:29:05 - Notable Scenes 0:35:30 - ...
Jul 15, 2023•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 170
Summer's here and the time is right to be watching horse movies! For all you animal-lovers out there, we have a real treat with a film about a city girl going to the country to find meaning (and love along the way)! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about atrocious audio, dreary dialogue, and why horses are so important to horse movies. It's our review of Wildfire: The Arabian Heart! Time Stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:14:15 - Summary 0:26:45 - Notable Scenes 0:39:20 - The Good 0:40:15 - The Bad 1:...
Jul 01, 2023•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 169
It's been a while since we had a true-blue kung fu martial arts movie, so we figured it was time to get our fists flying and our feet kicking with a mystical early 80's fighting film from Taiwan. Can Shaolin Fox unravel the mystery of the Purple Jade Badger? How many people will die along the way? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cheap sound effects, bad sound stages, and unsound camera work in this Wu Tang Collection classic. It's our review of Shaolin Fox Conspiracy! Time Stamps: 0:03:55 -...
Jun 16, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 168
The year is 1943 and America is in the midst of the Second World War. Able-bodied people are needed for the military, but how do you convince people to join outside of the draft? Enter patriotic war movies like this one, about a man on the run who rejoins the Navy on a minesweeper! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about big boys, gambling debts, and patriotic hobos! It's our review of Minesweeper! Time Stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:27:00 - Summary 0:41:10 - Notable Scenes 0:52:15 - The Good 0:58:...
Jun 01, 2023•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 167
A former DEA agent confronts the evil cabal who kidnapped his brother. The trailer calls this film "part RoboCop, part Terminator," but...is it? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about island tourism, lazy action sequences, and changing your pants in the bed of a truck! It's our review of Cyborg Cop! Time Stamps: 0:05:10 - Background 0:19:35 - Summary 0:32:30 - Notable Scenes 0:40:20 - The Good 0:45:10 - The Bad 0:59:50 - The Ugly...
May 16, 2023•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 166
It's time to revisit one of our favorite horror B-movie actors; that's right, it's Peter Cushing time! We're watching as he tries to solve a series of grisly murders that all seem to point to...a werewolf! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about confused timelines, English-French accents, and what it feels like to encounter a somewhat decent movie for this podcast. It's our review of The Legend of the Werewolf! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:26:35 - Summary 0:38:50 - Notable Scenes 0:46:10 - G...
May 01, 2023•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 165
It's not often that we come across a movie that makes us reflect on the big questions: what is art? What qualifies as a movie? Why the hell did we watch this? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk self-aggrandizing actors, dream logic editing, katana-wielding priests, and of course, Zen filmmaking. It's our review of The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:30:40 - Summary 0:33:30 - Notable Scenes 0:51:00 - The Good 0:57:30 - The Bad 1:04:05 - The Ugly...
Apr 15, 2023•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 164
There's a rogue agent looking to unleash a wave of terror on the world, and only a proto-Charlie's Angels squad of female agents can stop him! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss super-imposed explosions, surprise assassinations, and undermined female empowerment. It's our review of The Doll Squad! Time stamps: 0:03:35 - Background 0:23:10 - Summary 0:34:15 - Notable Scenes 0:44:30 - The Good 0:51:50 - The Bad 1:08:25 - The Ugly
Apr 01, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 163
A meteorite has awakened a primitive beast from its slumber in the Pacific Northwest. How will a bunch of 1970s hillbillies stop its murder spree? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss surprising special effects collaborations, condensed plot arcs, and bad British accents. It's our review of The Crater Lake Monster! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:18:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:40 - The Good 0:44:05 - The Bad 1:00:05 - The Ugly...
Mar 15, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 162
It was only a matter of time before we ended up reviewing a SyFy original movie, and our desire to revisit the disaster film genre has led us to doing just that. The disaster this time? Earthquakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss phoned-in performances, stealth lasers, and shoe-meltingly bad effects. It's our review of Megafault! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:28:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:45 - Notable Scenes 0:52:00 - The Good 0:54:50 - The Bad 1:16:35 - The Ugly...
Mar 01, 2023•1 hr 26 min•Ep. 161
It's time for some classic Roger Corman, and this time we're looking at one of his earlier films, a horror monster movie with a classic sci-fi bent. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss liquid shellfish, never-ending action, and The Professor from Gilligan's Island. It's our review of Attack of the Crab Monsters! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:24:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:10 - Notable Scenes 0:45:40 - The Good 0:53:35 - The Bad 1:08:35 - The Ugly...
Feb 15, 2023•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 160
Rocky, Million-Dollar Baby, Real Steel...just how many fighting sport films are out there, anyway? This film makes the case that there's at least one too many! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss porno credits, wrestling vs kickboxing, and Maine-based community theater. It's our review of Final Impact! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:22:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:31:40 - Notable Scenes 0:40:05 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 0:57:30 - The Ugly...
Feb 01, 2023•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 159
Foreign sci-fi films are our bread and butter, so how could we resist watching a late 60s Italian film about brave atronauts meeting troubled aliens? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Mombasa, Level 4 specimens, and the most successful sci-fi book series ever made. It's our review of Mission Stardust! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:16:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:30 - Notable Scenes 0:34:15 - The Good 0:39:00 - The Bad 0:51:55 - The Ugly...
Jan 15, 2023•59 min•Ep. 158
2022 was the year we came out of and/or started ignoring the pandemic, but did the movies this year make us sick? Which visual was the most stomach-churning? Which terrible moment is seared into our memories? And what exciting first is happening for our awards this year? Find out in the 2022 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:03:25 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:12:50 - Worst Character 1:07:10 - Worst Moment or Line 2:01:50 - Worst Visual 2:17:35 - Best Moment 2:26:05 - ...
Jan 01, 2023•2 hr 39 min•Ep. 157
