Ho ho ho! It's our seasonal holiday episode, and we're once again tackling a Christmas romance that doesn't deliver! This time it's former sweethearts who have gone their separate ways...but can the magic of the season bring them back together? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss beauty pagent drama, movie Santas, bad sound production, and real-life rom-coms. It's our review of The Christmas Coupon! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:19:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:30:15 - Notable Scenes 0:38:2...
Dec 15, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 156
More Roger Corman?? Say it ain't so! We've got a depressing 1950s morality tale all about the corrupting influence of money, power, and worst of all--women! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about professional safecrackers, precise timing, and swift conclusions. It's our review of High School Big Shot! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:21:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:00 - Notable Scenes 0:43:10 - The Good 0:49:15 - The Bad 0:58:35 - The Ugly...
Dec 01, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 155
There's almost a comfort in returning to the sword-and-sorcery genre. It's time for an 80s fantasy film inspired by Heavy Metal aesthetics that isn't shy about indulging in excess. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk bad beheadings, non-stop nudity, and evasive editing in this cheesy flick. It's our review of Deathstalker! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:17:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:24:25 - Notable Scenes 0:30:05 - The Good 0:34:20 - The Bad 0:45:55 - The Ugly...
Nov 15, 2022•52 min•Ep. 154
Back-to-back weeks of terrible film! We've seen some of the worst that cinema has to offer, but is it possible that we've watched two all-time bad movies right in a row? Join Tom and Ryan as they swim with the sharks and talk about awful acting, atrocious audio, and some of the creepiest (in a bad way) scenes we've ever been subjected to. It's our review of 2016 atrocity Shark Exorcist. Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:11:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:30 - Notable Scenes 0:27:10 - The Goo...
Nov 01, 2022•57 min•Ep. 153
We've been through some of the worst films in cinematic history. We survived Plan 9. Made it through Manos. Pushed through The Room. But is this the worst film we've ever watched for this podcast? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Mike as they discuss a romantic comedy that must be one of the lows of cinema, while also getting in some comments about David Lynch, ducks, and video game hero Gex. It's our review of Love on a Leash! Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:16:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary...
Oct 15, 2022•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 152
Sometimes genre films cross lines and blend together disparate elements to make compelling viewing. But despite the talent of actors like Jack Palance, Westworld this isn't. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about proper experiment procedures, love trapezoids, and killing for fun and profit. It's our review of Welcome to Blood City! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:24:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:40:30 - Notable Scenes 0:48:05 - The Good 0:52:35 - The Bad 1:09:00 - The Ugly...
Oct 01, 2022•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 151
It's time to check out a legend of the silver screen, Bela Lugosi in a late-career cheap thriller that isn't exactly Dracula. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss the relative opacity of spirits, disappearing spouses, and executing the wrong person for a crime. It's our review of The Invisible Ghost! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:27:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:25 - Notable Scenes 0:51:05 - The Good 0:59:20 - The Bad 1:10:05 - The Ugly...
Sep 15, 2022•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 150
What's more exciting than transportation logistics? If you said "anything," then we'd like to change your mind with this 70's made-for-TV action film about truckin'! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss highway weight limits, one-sheriff towns, and good truckin' buddies. It's our review of Hijack! Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:23:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:05 - Notable Scenes 0:41:35 - The Good 0:46:10 - The Bad 0:59:35 - The Ugly...
Sep 01, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Ep. 149
We do plenty of genre pictures on this podcast, but one genre we've rarely looked at is the romantic drama. It's high time we rectified that by watching this ice-cold clunker from the 80's about a bubble boy and his rocker love interest! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss plate glass sex scenes, whiny main characters, and the various state requirements for getting legally married. It's our discussion of Crystal Heart! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:18:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:55 - N...
Aug 15, 2022•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 148
It's the mid-2000s and fantasy is IN thanks to Lord of the Rings! Unfortunately wer're stuck with a D-grade attempt at an LotR-style fantasy movie based on a video game, headed by Uwe Boll. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk action stars, over-acting, and cramming too much plot into one poorly paced film. It's our review of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:42:15 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:52:15 - Notable Scenes 1:03:15 - The Good 1:10:10 - The Bad 1...
Aug 01, 2022•1 hr 35 min•Ep. 147
Finally it's time to tackle a good ol' buddy-style action-comedy! And what better buddy pair could we ask for than Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson? Join Tom and Ryan as they look at a sequel that kicks and punches its way through London. On the way they'll discuss writing v. fighting, British imperialism, and blowing up Donnie Yen with a firework. It's our review of Shanghai Knights! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:29:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:35 - Notable Scenes 0:47:00 - The Good 0:52:...
Jul 15, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 146
What can you do about a group fo delinquent kids chopping up cars for parts? What about delinquent kids playing bad 50s rock 'n' roll? Join Tom and Ryan as they attempt to answer these pressing questions, as well as discuss important topics like driving chickens, the target audience at drive-ins, and incompetent detectives. It's our review of the 1961 crime drama The Choppers! Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:24:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:40:35 - Notable Scenes 0:45:35 - The Good 0:52:05 ...
Jul 01, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 145
Gamera is a friend to all children and a foe to anyone who wants to destroy Expo 70! Yes, we're back with another kaiju film starring everyone's favorite giant turtle. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about scenic green space in the lungs, the Tower of the Sun, and how to stay safe when your city is being seiged by giant monsters. Strap into your tiny submarine for our review of Gamera vs Jiger! Time stamps: 0:05:25 - Background 0:16:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:15 - Notable Scenes 0:41:15 - ...
Jun 20, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 144
Ewoks! Ewoks! Ewoks! It's the second made-for-TV-and-British-theaters Ewoks adventure film, this time with our favorite Liberty Mutual spokesman, Wilford Brimley. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest and Star Wars expert Greg as they talk about horse colors, bad masks, and super-speedy Teeks. It's our review of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor! Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:23:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:37:05 - Notable Scenes 0:51:25 - The Good 0:58:45 - The Bad 1:21:30 - The Ugly...
Jun 01, 2022•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 143
What can be better than a classic cozy murder mystery? A young woman is murdered 13 years to the day after her father died mysteriously at a dinner party. What's going on? And whodunnit? Join Tom and Ryan as they try to solve the mystery while also discussing famous brothels, Scooby-Doo, and the one and only Ginger Rogers. It's our review of The Thirteenth Guest! Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:18:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:27:50 - Notable Scenes 0:37:30 - The Good 0:42:20 - The Bad 0:51...
May 15, 2022•59 min•Ep. 142
We've already seen plenty of Star Wars knock-offs, but this one takes the cake! Specifically the rancid, molding, decades-old fruit cake. Join Tom and Ryan as they review another awful Italian sci-fi flick by the same director who brought us War of the Robots. We also discuss carnival music, robot sex, and hookah! It's our review of Star Odyssey! (CW: References to suicide and infertility.) Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:13:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:25 - Notable Scenes 0:36:15 - The...
May 01, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 141
It's sequel time! Why would we stop at watching only one Highlander film when there are so many others to be explored? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about bad coordinates, worse romances, and the worst retconning we've ever seen. Listen and you'll agree, "there can be only one" review for Highlander II: The Quickening! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:29:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:49:45 - Notable Scenes 0:59:00 - The Good 1:01:15 - The Bad 1:16:45 - The Ugly...
Apr 15, 2022•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 140
We've already seen one film about a human head being kept alive by grotesque experimentation. How about another?? And this time we're revisiting a schlock "classic," an all-timer of a bad film. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cat fights, remakes, and of course James Bond films with "Brain" in the title! It's our review of The Brain That Wouldn't Die! Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:21:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:40 - Notable Scenes 0:39:55 - The Good 0:44:20 - The Bad 0:55:30 - Th...
Apr 01, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 139
There's nothing like an old-fashioned murder mystery to get the mind turning and the blood pumping. And if we add Vincent Price to the mix, what could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss charisma, causality, and common sense (or a lack thereof). Slip on your clawed gloves and listen to our review of The Bat! Time stamps: 0:03:05 - Background 0:22:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:45 - Notable Scenes 0:44:05 - The Good 0:50:05 - The Bad 1:02:50 - The Ugly...
Mar 15, 2022•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 138
Tom and Ryan are keeping their youth with an invigorating beauty product! No one would argue that The Fly isn't a lesson in gross-out body horror...but what if a human was crossed with a wasp? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss all things waspy, from beauty products to bad special effects to re-used film scores. Get buzzing for our review of The Wasp Woman! Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:41:50 - Notable Scenes 0:52:30 - The Good 0:58:15 - The Bad 1:08:00 - T...
Mar 01, 2022•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 137
You probably shouldn't watch a sequel without seeing the film it's a sequel of, but we're going to do it anyway! And really, watching the first Universal Soldier won't improve this one. Join Tom and Ryan as we talk about unnecessary sequels, sexy mustaches, robotic acting, and Magic planeswalkers. It's our review of Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:29:10 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:55 - Notable Scenes 0:43:40 - The Good 0:48:45 - The Bad 1:03:05 - Th...
Feb 15, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 136
Cowboys versus natives has been a trope of the Western genre for as long as the genre has existed, with countless movies depicting the conflict. So why not add one more tired cinematic experience to that unfathomably long list? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this trope and related topics, like cow puns, One Life to Live, and misleading opening narrations. It's our review of Against a Crooked Sky! Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:21:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:37:50 - Notable Scenes 0:44...
Feb 01, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 135
Mad Max may have shown us that in the post-apocalypse we drive gas-guzzling modified death machines everywhere...but what if cars aren't available? How will we navigate the violence-torn streets? This movie has the answer: rollerblades! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about hate groups, non-threatening modes of transport, and bad slow-mo. It's our review of Prayer of the Rollerboys! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:29:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:50 - Notable Scenes 0:51:00 - The Good 1:0...
Jan 15, 2022•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 134
2021 wasn't much better than 2020, but did the films we watched this year match the year's quality? Which characters were the worst of the worst? Which moments are burned into our brains? And what visuals scarred our eyeballs? Find out in our annual Schlocky Awards for 2021! Time Stamps: 0:03:10 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:09:45 - Worst Character 0:50:00 - Worst Moment or Line 1:41:30 - Worst Visual 1:53:55 - Best Moment 2:06:30 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year...
Jan 01, 2022•2 hr 21 min•Ep. 133
The crazed consumerism of Christmas calls for consequential critiques! But can this action-star-fueled family Christmas comedy deliver the goods? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss holiday toy crazes, cartoon physics, and getting into the true holiday spirit. It's our review of Jingle All the Way! Time stamps: 0:05:05 - Background 0:32:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:46:10 - Notable Scenes 0:53:10 - The Good 1:00:15 - The Bad 1:10:00 - The Ugly...
Dec 15, 2021•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 132
After so many old B-movies, it can feel refreshing to watch a Hollywood blockbuster that you remember seeing in theaters. But does this tale of campy vampires, sexy werewolves, and horny priests actually hold up? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Jess to talk about all the important elements of an action adventure film, like dubious accents, unused weaponry, and Spanish guitar! It's our review of Van Helsing! Time stamps: 0:05:15 - Background 0:29:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:42:00 - Notable S...
Dec 01, 2021•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 131
Hot on the heels of our last family adventure film, it's...another family adventure movie? This time there's bayou kids facing down a Bigfoot-esque monster in the middle of a hurricane! Sound exciting? It isn't! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about bayou accents, Gilligan's Island (and Planet), and a new competitor for worst song on the podcast. It's our review of Return to Boggy Creek! Time stamps: 0:03:10 - Background 0:17:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:45 - Notable Scenes 0:34:50 - The Goo...
Nov 15, 2021•1 hr•Ep. 130
Who doesn't love a good family adventure film--movies that are entertaining for whole family, packed with comedy, action, and drama? Sadly, that's not what we have here. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch kids surf and fight ninjas. We also talk about cotton candy, running gags, Leslie Nielsen, and answering machines! So grab a board and listen to our review of Surf Ninjas! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:23:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:28:40 - Notable Scenes 0:33:50 - The Good 0:41:55 - The ...
Nov 01, 2021•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 129
Happy Halloween! It's time for the creepiest, scariest thing in movies: remakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they sit down to watch a horror remake of the first movie they ever watched for this podcast! And of course there will be such relevant topics as John Waters, Lisa Loeb, zoetrope machines, and figuring out when a house just isn't a house. Keep your head and listen to our review of House on Haunted Hill (1999)! Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:31:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:44:20 - Notable ...
Oct 15, 2021•1 hr 51 min•Ep. 128
Prophecies! Quests! Hunting for missing treasures! A day at the Renaissance Faire! This family-friendly medieval(?) adventure has it all! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the aforementioned RenFaires, Archimedes's No Girls Allowed policy, the duality of man, and of course Hotlantis. It's our review of Quest of the Delta Knights! Time stamps: 0:05:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:36:10 - Notable Scenes 0:43:20 - The Good 0:50:15 - The Bad 1:05:05 - The Ugly...
Oct 01, 2021•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 127
