Take a crime drama, sprinkle in a little romance, and top with a noir sensibility, and what do you get? You get a dull 1950s also-ran that plods along with some second-rate Bogart impressions. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk all about this un-thrilling thriller, as well as tragic deaths, Writing Film Noir for Idiots, and disappointing child actors. It's our review of 1959's Counterplot! Time stamps: 0:07:45 - Background 0:23:15 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:34:20 - Notable Scenes 0:40:30 - The Good...
Sep 15, 2021•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 126
Everyone remembers Twilight, the romance novels featuring vampires and werewolves and babies and other imaginary creatures. Well now, from the writer a Twilight, we have a teen romance sci-fi adventure that's all about bodies and minds! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about a film with a stacked cast and crew, as well as important topics like the geometry of co-synchronous points, giant spider invasions, and the importance of library science and the tagging and archiving of data. Thrilling! It's ...
Sep 01, 2021•1 hr 35 min•Ep. 125
We've already seen a Snowbeast from the 1970s, so what about a 2011 remake/spiritual successor? And why did someone decide this was a good idea in the first place? Join Tom and Ryan as they try to reason out this movie's existence, as well as talking on such topics as predator feeding behaviors, the use and abuse of horror tropes, and The Dukes of Hazzard! Snowboard your way down into our review of Snowbeast (2011)! Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:18:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:31:25 - No...
Aug 17, 2021•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 124
Most folks agree: natural disasters are some of the scariest disasters around! Unpredictable and almost impossible to stop, Mother Nature sometimes takes her anger out on humanity. So what happens when her wrath takes the form of bees? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss bee science, Mission Impossible, powder-blue suits, and the helpfulness of Voodoo. We hope you'll swarm to our review of The Savage Bees! Time stamps: 0:02:35 - Background 0:24:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:40 - Notable Scenes...
Aug 01, 2021•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 123
What are you gonna do when you've got seven years in the slammer for a murder you didn't commit? Who will be there to help spring you from the joint? And what if that joint just so happens to be on a spaceship? These questions can only be answered by an exploitative 80s action film! Join Tom and Ryan as they mull these quandaries, as well as discussing underground metal bands, goofs on game shows, and Warhammer 40K! It's our intergalactic planetary discussion of Star Slammer! Time stamps: 0:04:0...
Jul 15, 2021•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 122
To celebrate five glorious years of reviewing some of the worst films ever made, we are finally reviewing Tommy Wiseau's cult classic, a film so bad that it has become a mainstay of midnight screenings and has spawned countless memes online. Join Tom and Ryan as they subject themselves to this experience and talk about spoons, money-laundering, method-acting Olympians, and the perils of having friends. Tune in for our review of The Room! What a story, Mark!! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:2...
Jul 01, 2021•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 121
Everyone loves a good meeting! And whether it's Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolfman or the The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones, cinematic meetings also carry all the oomph and pizzazz of a work-related get-together. Join Tom and Ryan as they review and discuss one such meeting, as well as talking about putting capital over workers, bad line reads, and a hero who cries when someone disrespects the flag. All that and more can be found in our review of Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster! Time stamp...
Jun 15, 2021•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 120
Yub nub! Star Wars may conjur up images of epic battles, flying starships, and incredible Force powers, but it also brings to mind a group of cute, cuddly creatures: the Ewoks! Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest (and Star Wars expert) Greg to discuss one of the two Ewok-centered Star Wars movies. We also touch on related topics, like the Viet Cong, Lost, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! So put down your skin gliders and listen in to our review of Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure! Time sta...
Jun 01, 2021•1 hr 48 min•Ep. 119
We've got another big fight on our hands! This time the combatants in this supernatural slugfest are an undead guardian of ancient treasures and a Frankensteinian cyborg! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about epic fights, reused footage, forensic science, and getting rich via grave-robbing. It's our review of The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy! Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:13:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:24:10 - Notable Scenes 0:28:40 - The Good 0:34:00 - The Bad 0:49:50 - The Ugly 0:56:00 - L...
May 15, 2021•1 hr 3 min•Ep. 118
Zombification. Regeneration. Keeping parts alive after they've been severed from the body. These are some classic themes of the horror genre, and ideas that are all over this 1950s German flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss horror tropes, German Expressionism, body-swapping, and nepotism in police departments! For at the head of all masterpieces of horror film review that you've ever heard, you must place our review of The Head! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:12:20 - Back-of-the-Box Su...
May 01, 2021•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 117
It's time to revisit the golden age of cinema for a 1940s comedy-adventure-horror! It's a movie that dares to make you laugh and tries to scare you with zombies and casual racism. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss dated comedy, forgotten actors, and voodoo rituals (with a hint of druidic magic). Become one of the gang and listen to our review of King of the Zombies! Time stamps: 0:07:20 - Background 0:30:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:20 - Notable Scenes 0:43:25 - The Good 0:48:55 - The Bad 0...
Apr 15, 2021•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 116
Let's travel back in time to when Hawaii wasn't a state and the Pacific Islands were mysterious to most (white) Americans! Two 1950s beefcakes are accused of murder and are stranded on a vaguely-Hawaiian island...what will they do to escape? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss exploitation tourism, David Crosby, the Bahá'i Faith, and fingers pointing at maps. It's our review of the Roger Corman "classic," She-Gods of Shark Reef! Time stamps: 0:06:05 - Background 0:17:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0...
Apr 01, 2021•53 min•Ep. 115
Iconic 80s action cinema is here! We finally take on a cult-classic that has become its own cultural touchstone with the immortal line: "There can be only one!" Listen in on the head-chopping action as Tom and Ryan discuss (anti-) climactic fights, votive candles, meta-humor, and Egyptian-Spanish-Scotsmen in Japan! It's our one-and-only review of The Highlander! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:32:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 1:01:...
Mar 15, 2021•1 hr 36 min•Ep. 114
Nazis are all-time classic bad guys. Or at least all-time since World War 2. Regardless, everyone should be able to get behind destroying camps full of Nazi scum, and that's exactly what this corny action flick from 1987 indulges in! Join Tom and Ryan as they touch on relevant topics such as racism, James Bond, and Olympic volleyball players. Call over your best baboon sidekick and listen in to our review of The Order of the Black Eagle! Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Bo...
Mar 01, 2021•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 113
UFOs and aliens! Time travel and a nuclear apocalypse! Sound exciting? Well don't get your hopes too high, as we struggle to comprehend the plot of this particular 60s Italian film. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss such important topics as Italian dialects, Pep Boys, women's magazines, and pinball machines! Tune in for our review of Star Pilot! Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:14:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:23:10 - Notable Scenes 0:31:50 - The Good 0:37:20 - The Bad 0:48:10 - The Ugly...
Feb 15, 2021•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 112
We have an accidental tradition here on the podcast of watching some of the worst films of all time early in the year. With this cheerleading exploitation horror film, it looks like 2021 is going to be no different! Join Tom and Ryan as they suffer through an almost unbearable movie while discussing pertinent topics like shitty disco music, voyeurism, and the Orcs from Warcraft II. It's our review of Satan's Cheerleaders! CW: Rape/Sexual Assault Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:26:35 - Back-o...
Feb 02, 2021•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 111
"True Story" films aren't always as true as they claim to be, but something things have to be exaggerated and fictionalized for the sake of entertainment. And what could be more entertaining than Vlad the Impaler? Join Tom and Ryan as they discover the TRUEST story of the origins of Dracula by watching this period-piece drama all about good old Vlad. On the way they also discuss The Wire, charisma vacuums, and late-medieval influencers! It's our review of Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula! ...
Jan 15, 2021•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 110
Thank goodness it's a new year! We give one last middle-finger back to 2020 as we give out our annual Schlocky Awards. Which characters were the outright worst? Which moments do we wish we could unsee? And what visuals ruined our movie-watching experiences? Find out in our annual Schlocky Awards for 2020! Time Stamps: 0:05:05 - Film List & Lifetime Achievement Discussion 0:10:22 - Worst Character 0:56:40 - Worst Moment or Line 1:33:00 - Worst Visual 1:40:05 - Best Moment 1:52:55 - The 10 Wor...
Jan 01, 2021•2 hr 8 min•Ep. 109
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! It's another yuletide treat straight from our friends at the Lifetime Channel. This time we follow a street-smart city gal and the uptight agent assigned to protect her as they discover the heart of Christmas...and their love for each other! Settle in by the fire as we talk about romance, frosted tips, ugly sweaters, and turning state's evidence. It's our review of Undercover Christmas! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:16:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:25:2...
Dec 15, 2020•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 108
Where do you go when you need radioactive materials in the post-apocalypse? Look no further than Captain Strike, AKA Rage, a wasteland survivor with muscle, smarts, and a too-tight tank-top! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss a film that features strange soundtrack choices, inappropriate clothing, and The Bible. It's our review of the Italian action schlock film, A Man Called Rage! Time stamps: 0:03:22 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:13:15 - Background 0:20:35 - Notable Scenes 0:33:20 - The Good 0:37...
Dec 01, 2020•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 107
We're back to looking at another modern Hollywood blockbuster that failed to live up to expectations! This time, a steampunk adventure turns out to be Sean Connery's final film role. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Sami as they delve into such important topics such as how a film falls apart, what not to do with your female characters, and what audiences are looking for in supergroup team-ups. It's our feature-length mega-review of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen! Time stamps: 0:04:35 - B...
Nov 15, 2020•1 hr 50 min•Ep. 106
Sci-fi films aren't always focused on alien invasions or robotic uprisings. Sometimes the best sci-fi conflicts can be found in unlikely places: for example, Senate subcommittees! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film that dares to ask about the practicality of funding an earth-orbiting space station. Along the way, they'll talk about shaky cameras, scientific jargon, and Aaron Sorkin. So tune in for our review of Destination Space! Time stamps: 0:03:00 - Background 0:20:10 - Back-of-the-Box Su...
Nov 01, 2020•1 hr 12 min•Ep. 105
Every great filmmaker has to start somewhere, and many make their first marks in low-budget B-movies. Here we have proof that even icons like Francis Ford Coppola aren't immune from a B-movie backlog in their filmography. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest George Heftler from the Best Little Horror House in Philly podcast for an #AllTheHorror special collaboration where we talk about sequels, missed opportunities, and Wes Anderson! It's our review of Dementia 13! Time stamps: 0:06:30 - Background...
Oct 15, 2020•1 hr 37 min•Ep. 104
Can any recent blockbusters really be said to be "B-movies?" We sure think so, as we turn to a Tom Cruise vehicle from 2017 to see just how bad blockbusters can be. A mummy is trying to resurrect an Egyptian god in this failed Dark Universe reboot. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Mike as they discuss all the important aspects of this film, including Russell Crowe's voice-overs, dramatic versions of The Monster Mash, and Jack Black erotica. It's our review of the latest version of The Mummy! Ti...
Oct 01, 2020•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 103
He was a legend of martial arts who passed away far too young; the legacy of Bruce Lee can be felt today throughout action films. But what did seedy Hong Kong B-movie makers do to exploit that legacy just after Lee died? Join Tom and Ryan to find out as they talk all things Bruce Lee and Bruce Lee knock-offs, while also discussing such relevant topics as Popeye, sexual assassination, and the best method for stopping Dracula. There's all-star line-up of fictional characters just waiting in our re...
Sep 15, 2020•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 102
What happens when science goes too far...in 20,000 B.C.?!? That fascinating question is at the heart of this sci-fi tinted sword-and-sandals Italian epic. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about mind transplants, pit fights, and what it means to have a film with no texture. Oh, also they get into the subject of geothermal-based apocalypses. Set your magnetic devices to listen in on our review of The Giant of Metropolis. Time stamps: 0:03:07 - Background 0:13:53 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:40 - N...
Sep 01, 2020•1 hr 13 min•Ep. 101
ONE HUNDRED EPISODES! We had to celebrate somehow, and so we've brought in guests from episodes past to discuss one of the most infamous bad movies of the past twenty years, the Scientology-and-Travolta vehicle Battlefield Earth! We also talk about related things like wrestling names, tarps, Goodbye Earl, and trying to figure out if one of our guests is secretly a Scientologist. Happy anniversary to us! Time stamps: 0:05:35 - Background 0:32:38 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:47:55 - Guest Introduct...
Aug 16, 2020•2 hr 16 min•Ep. 100
It's time once again to delve into an infamous, bottom-of-the-barrel, all time worst B movie. This time a family tries to survive the post-apocalypse while being hunted by a robot gorilla. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk Hollywood blacklists, famous composers, and a dinosaur-based Ragnarok. Fire up your calcinator ray and listen in to our review of Robot Monster! Time stamps: 0:04:22 - Background 0:25:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:30:45 - Notable Scenes 0:42:55 - The Good 0:49:25 - The Bad 1:01:...
Aug 02, 2020•1 hr 11 min•Ep. 99
Space may be the final frontier, but it's also the last place you want to be stuck fighting off angry fire aliens and gravity plates. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this early 60's sci-fi drudgery, and also talk about the value of work, more poor use of women characters, and of course the properties of oxygen. It's our review of The Phantom Planet! Time stamps: 0:05:20 - Background 0:15:02 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:30 - Notable Scenes 0:28:10 - The Good 0:34:05 - The Bad 0:53:12 - The Ug...
Jul 15, 2020•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 98
A heist movie. A war film. An adventure flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a movie that tries to be all that and more, which ends up meaning it's incredibly uneven and strange. They also discuss disco music, character deaths (or the lack thereof), and perhaps the most star-studded film work we've ever watched for this podcast. It's our review of Escape to Athena! Time stamps: 0:04:20 - Background 0:29:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:12 - The Good 0:46:05 - The Bad 1:06:55 - The Ugly...
Jul 03, 2020•1 hr 21 min•Ep. 97
