You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's sex and relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under 18, get out of here. drinks for awful people but when i heard about this event happening nearby man i was really tempted to make an exception attention treasure valley the heterosexual awesomeness festival is coming to It isn't just another festival.
Family and freedom right in the heart of Idaho. The heterosexual awesomeness festival is the brainchild of a bar owner in Boise, Idaho, a former California cop who moved to Idaho. And... The heterosexual awesomeness festival is happening the same weekend as the annual pride celebration in Boise.
And yeah, I am really tempted to start a GoFundMe and get homos all over the world to raise the money to buy the first round of drinks for everyone at the Heterosexual Awesomeness Festival. Or the Hetero Awesome Fest. For short. Now, I'm not going to do that. We are not going to do that. There are better causes. There are better uses of our money right now. For instance, supporting Pride events after big corporations pulled out. So long, Anheuser-Busch.
Don't let the float hit you in the ass on the way out. Abortion funds need our support right now. Trans people being kicked out of the military need our support right now. Immigrants rights groups need our support right now. So we're not raising money to buy drinks for assholes at the heterosexual awesomeness. Best of all, not a Saturday. I'm not even going to buy a t-shirt.
which I was really tempted to do after I found my way to their website. Hell, I was tempted to buy all of their t-shirts and resell them to gay men. I mean, I could see gay men wearing hetero awesome best t-shirts.
to the bars in the same spirit that stoners wear dare t-shirts to concerts oh and the t-shirts for sale at the hetero awesome fest website they're unisex non-binary t-shirts so not just for gay men lesbians could wear them too but again my first impulse also squashed was to raise enough money to get the first round of drinks for the awful people
at the hetero awesome fest which you know is going to be a sad ass sausage fest you know like all those failed right-wing dating apps have been like that pronatalist conference in austin last month
Natalcon, it was called. The organizers, men who don't think women should have the right to vote or work outside the home, men who also want to repeal the 1964 Civil Rights Act, the organizers natalcon which was convened to address falling birth rates they were shocked shocked when basically no women showed up in Austin in the hopes of meeting and mating with The guys at NatalCon, the crowd at NatalCon, was 100% trad-cons, traditional conservatives.
And 95% male, gay men who complain about straight women in gay bars would kill for numbers like that. But those weren't the numbers. That was not the sex ratio. The straight men who gathered in Austin at NatalCon we're hoping to see the organizers of natal con 2025 hoped the event would lead to a little baby boomlet they passed out yellow wristbands to single attendees so they could spot each other and maybe get busy making babies in the hotel that night
But the women NatalCon organizers don't think should vote? Yeah, those women voted with their feet and stayed the fuck away from NatalCon and the men at NatalCon. So, trad cons. You know, the people who are always telling us that two men can't make a baby learn the hard way. The 200 straight men at a pronatalism conference can't make a baby.
But you know, if we didn't have so many better things to be spending our money on right now, here's why. I would pick up the tab for the first round of drinks at Hetero Awesome Fest if I could. I would do it first to show them we're not bothered. And really bothering us or thinking they're bothering us is really what this trolly event is all about. There are five hetero awesome best ambassadors listed on their website. The organizers
who, I hope you're sitting down, are all men. And, according to the website, they are a fearless crew of well-known truth-seeking digital warriors who don't blink at the woke mob's whining. Getting the first round would be a way of saying, hey, we're not whining. We're buying. Bottoms up. Because there's nothing about gay people that these people don't seem to understand.
We don't think straight people are gross, or that straight sex is bad, or that straight people are the enemy. We actually believe that straight people and the kind of sex straight people have is pretty awesome.
Gay people have sex for the same reasons straight people do most of the time. We have sex for pleasure. But every once in a while, you guys, straight guys, awesome best ambassador guys you do this special thing that only you can do or only the kind of sex you're known for the kind of sex you're named for can do which is
sex that anybody can have including gay and bi and trans people when they wanna but you do this thing you straight sex does this thing you can make a baby sometimes you do it on purpose a lot of the times you do it by accident but you do it you make Good for you. And good for us, because a certain number of those babies you make are going to grow up to be gay. So, no straight sex, no gay people. Less straight sex, fewer men to choose from on the gay crew.
So, this idea that the gays are opposed to straightness, or offended by straightness, or see straightness as some sort of existential threat to our way of life? Girl, no. Stop projecting. We're grateful to straight people. We reproduce ourselves out of your bodies. I have straight sex to thank for my husband. I have straight sex to thank for my boyfriend. I have straight sex to thank for every guy I have ever had
awesome homo fest with. So straight people, if things weren't so dire right now, if we could spare the money, I would totally pick up the tab for the first round at the heterosexual awesomeness Festival to thank you for your service. and to help you get laid. Because we're counting on you! We are counting on you to make more of us. There are 25 year old gay men out there who want to be hot 50 year old daddies with hot 25 year old boyfriends one day and they can't do it without you.
but your politics guys guys on the right guys showing up to the natal conference your politics is getting in the way getting in your own way you are standing on your own dick It's not doing us any favors. The falling birth rate is bad for the gays, too. Your politics is bad for the gays, the straights, the planets. Bad for everything.
But it's not good news for you that straight women would rather hang out with their gay friends at Pride than show up at your natalist conference or get on your right-wing dating app. or keep an eye on their drink at your hetero awesome fest that is a problem that right-wing straight men have created for themselves and it is a problem that straight men the ones who want to find ladies and make babies are going to have to solve for themselves
And hating gay people just a little harder? Being just a little trollier? Yeah, that's not the way out. That's not the fix. Something to think about when you're buying your own drinks at your hetero awesome sausage. All right, coming up on today's show, a gay top worries that his gay bottom boyfriend needs a guy with a bigger dick or lots of guys with bigger dicks.
and a straight woman who's attracted to gay men but willing to settle for bi guys wonders if there's a bi guy out there willing to be monogamous with her can bi guys do monogamy also a woman calls in who had a strange reaction a disturbing reaction to forced orgasm play with her dom and our guest this week christine wentz author of funny because it's true how the onion created modern american news satire is here she's an old colleague of mine one of my first editors
We talk about the news. We talk about Fox News. We talk about our time together working at The Stranger. We talk about iglooing. We talk about the clitoris, where it is and how much of it there is. and more part of my interview with christine is on the micro all of it's on the magnum get the magnum now by becoming a subscriber at savage.love but we have plenty of great stuff for you magnum subscriber or micro listener and it starts right now.
this episode is brought to you by helix sleep makers of my mattress well my mattress says and your next mattress or mattresses if you like me need more than one right now my listeners get 27 off site-wide plus a free bedding bundle with any Lux or Elite mattress order. To get your new mattress and your free bedding bundle, go to helixsleep.com slash savage.
This episode is sponsored by HIMSS. Affordable access to ED treatment all online. Start your free online visit today at HIMSS.com slash savage. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is sponsored by iRestore Professional for regrowing hair using light therapy. For a limited time, get a huge discount on the iRestore Professional when you use code SAVAGE at iRestore.com. Hi, Dan. I'm a early 40s gay guy on the West Coast. I have a question about dick size and... bottoms, specifically 100% bottoms.
So I was in a relationship for several months with a guy who was 100% bottom. This was kind of new for me. I'm used to being with guys who are first. And I learned that he definitely fetishizes Big dicks. And this got me thinking a bit about my local sex store, in which all of the dildos, I would say 90%, are either porn star, large, or...
as you well know, much, much, much larger than that. So I guess my question is just about the psychology of bottoms. Is it always just about... like moving up in size and increasing that feeling of
pressure or being full, quote unquote. And then I guess my second question is, is there any hope then for us guys out there who are average or on the smaller side of things or i don't know should i just date like more verse guys who don't necessarily want to take giant dong or try to not all bottoms are the same people bottom for all sorts of different reasons for some it's
how the deck feels, how those big toys feel, that filled up feeling you talk about for others. It's what those big toys mean, what those big toys symbolize. to be opened up like that, to be able to take something ridiculously huge, it can give a guy sense of accomplishment it can give a guy that I'm just a whole sir feeling that some guys really enjoy and of course for other bottoms it's a combo of
how it feels and what it means. Or sometimes it's how it feels, other times it might be what it means. It's really, as all sexual experiences are, very deeply personal. Subjective. Not all bottoms are on some sort of dick or toy escalator where everything that goes into them needs to gradually get bigger and bigger and bigger over time for them to feel satisfied. There are plenty of guys out there.
who are bottoms, who enjoy bottoming, who want, A normal, average, sized dick that they can take regularly and ride and enjoy and get plowed. But there's a limit physically to how much they can take. Or they have no ambitions to take.
bigger and bigger or ridiculously big toys like the sometimes I'm sorry conversation piece stunt toys that you see in sex shops that aren't really going in anyone just because somebody made it out of silicone made it look like a dick and put it on a shelf in a sex toy shop doesn't mean that anyone's ever talking about the really ridiculously huge things ever had that in his app
there might be people out there who wish they could get that in their ass but the guys who actually could get the like giant ass thigh sized toys in them Yeah, they're more mythological than they are real. Don't let the fact that there are some guys who are bottoms, who really want bigger and bigger things, bigger and bigger toys, bigger and bigger dicks, and they'll make you feel insecure about the size of your dick.
Or the possibility out there that there is a bottom who's right for you who regards your dick as the perfect size Insertion toy for him those bottoms are out there, but also you could be with a guy who loves you, loves your dick, loves getting fucked by you and your dick, and every once in a while wants to Go deep with the douching and play with bigger toys and you can be the perfect guy for that too.
There's nothing inadequate about your dick if the guy you're with enjoys your dick but also enjoys big toys too. That doesn't mean he wishes your dick was one of those big toys or that he's always in the mood to take a big toy.
But if you don't want to be with somebody where you feel like your dick is in competition with the biggest and most ridiculous toys you can get at the sex toy shop, go find a guy, verse or otherwise, who doesn't want endlessly upgrade doesn't want to climb onto the dicker toy escalator and just go and go and go up and up and up and up those guys are out
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this topic since you had your guest on talking about cis women dating bisexual men. So I am attracted to men who seem gay but, you know, aren't gay. I'm a cis female, heterosexual. And I've been totally open to dating bi men in my life, but one issue that I've been coming across that is just a hurdle I don't feel like I can get over is I'm not non-monogamous.
I'm very much monogamous. I'm an introvert. I want to find my forever person. And, well, maybe I would be open to opening up a relationship after one is established. It's not something I would like to put on the table right away. And I was just wondering... Is monogamy something that is reasonable to look for if I'm narrowing my dating pool to really just dating bi guys? I'm not sure if that's a reasonable expectation to have.
Because a lot of bi folks that I've met are also really open to non-monogamy, which is totally fine, but it's just not the relationship style that would work for me. And I just wanted to know if that was a reasonable expectation for me to have, that if I had a bisexual male partner, that they would be open to monogamy. What's the... point, I guess, of being with a bi guy if you don't ever wanna...
Let him suck a dick or watch him suck a dick. How are you gonna know for sure that he's a bi guy? You know trust but verify you might meet a straight guy who wants to date you Badly enough to pretend he's but look Is monogamy something reasonable to look for or expect or ask?
of someone i'm the guy who tells people that if you're with somebody for 50 years and they only cheated on you once or twice they were good at monogamy not bad at monogamy that's me i'm that guy i'm not convinced that decades of flawlessly executed monogamy is a reasonable expectation for one person to ever have of another person. But it's a perfectly reasonable thing to want. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.
And people should strive to honor the monogamous commitments that they make. So yeah, like... You do you. If I were with a bi guy, if I were a straight cis woman with a bi guy, and it kinda... I kind of liked by guys. I would want to see a dick in that guy's mouth every once in a while.
myself and you hold that out as perhaps a long-term possibility opening the relationship at some point down the road but that's not even something you want to entertain at the beginning of the relationship you don't even want that on the table You want a monogamous commitment that then, at some point, way down the road, if you feel like it, you might want to revisit. But at least initially.
You don't want that on the table. You want a guy who wants to make a monogamous commitment to you and you can definitely make monogamy a monogamous commitment a condition to date or see you you can make that a price of admission that the buy guy who wants to be with you is going to have to pay to be with you and yeah there are Definitely bi guys out there who can honor monogamous commitments. It is an awful, terrible, no good, very bad, biphobic stereotype that bisexuals
can't honor monogamous commitments. A biphobic stereotype that is every once in a while reinforced by a bisexual person. who made a monogamous commitment to an opposite sex partner and only then realized, perhaps years later, that they were bisexual and wants a pass to go and sleep with people of the same sex now that they know that they're bisexual. They feel, some of these bisexual people who write to me or call me, that they're owed an out.
from the monogamous commitment that they made because they're bisexual. Now, I don't hear from, I don't get those kinds of calls from bi people who've made monogamous commitments that they aren't chafing under.
so my sample is skewed but yeah every once in a while you will hear on this show or read in my column a letter from somebody who's bi and in a monogamous relationship who feels entitled to a hall pass if not from their partner then from me and that can create a distorted impression of bisexuals who've made monogamous commitments.
Bisexuals who make monogamous commitments are just as likely to honor those monogamous commitments as monosexuals who make those monogamous commitments, which is to say, you know... Not always. Perfect. You know, monosexuals who make monogamous commitments don't always honor them. The world is full of heterosexual men and women who are cheating on their... Opposite sex. Heterosexual partners, the world is full of
gay men in monogamous relationships every once in a while who are cheating or have cheated on the gay men they made monogamous commitments to. Lesbians make monogamous commitments that they violate. And yeah, so you might... wind up with a bisexual male partner who made a monogamous commitment to you and then violates that monogamous commitment but it won't be because he's bisexual because the gay guys
who violate the monogamous commitments. They aren't doing it because they're bisexual or gay. They're just doing it because they're human. It is a human thing to fail. At the monogamous commitment, so many humans are pressured, often, into making. There's a lot of MUDs out there. A lot of people who are monogamous under duress. Perhaps bisexuals are overrepresented among the MUDs. That is a possibility.
This is a very long answer, very simple question. Your question was, is monogamy something reasonable to look for if I am just dating? By God. With the caveat that I'm not sure monogamy is ever reasonable for anybody to expect over the multi-decade presumed course of a long-term committed relationship, yes, it is perfectly reasonable. For you to want to be with a bi guy. A lot of bi guys out there who want to have.
women as their partners a lot of hetero romantic bisexual guys out there a lot of bi guys out there complain that women won't date them because they're bi And so, yeah, put it out there. You are into buy guys. You want to be with a buy guy. But that buy guy who wants to be with you, the price of admission. Never a dick. Never a dick ever again in his mouth. Unless you should change your mind 15 years down the road.
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Hi Dan. So my partner and I were playing the other day, and we initially started off with impact play, but I thought I was up for the pain that day, and I wasn't, so we pivoted. We were playing with forced orgasms, and that was really fun. It was intense, but in a different way that I could handle. After I had been going on for a little bit, at the end, after I came, I don't know how many times.
He held the vibrator down like I didn't get a break. He just held it down. And it was a wand that was on full blast. It was overwhelming, but in a good way. And I liked it. I liked the challenge. So I stayed in it. Out of the blue, I dissociated. I suddenly felt like my mind and my body were two different things. I felt like I was kind of a hollow shell and what was happening to me wasn't.
me it wasn't subspace it was very different subspace it's usually kind of for me a euphoric experience this was numb pure numbness and I eventually after it didn't last too long maybe a minute or so two minutes I was able to push his hand away and then I rolled over into the fetal position and I just laid there I couldn't do anything else and he was amazing and picked me up and he didn't know what was happening but he just held me.
And it was a very different experience than subspace. Usually I would kind of... lean up against him and very be very loving and there would be a connection still there here I was and he said he I wasn't present I was gone afterwards kind of after I came out of it and it process a little bit it was really uncomfortable i've never experienced that before i've heard of it i don't want to ever experience it again it was scary i didn't
feel violated. I wasn't in pain. I didn't quite know what triggered this. I'm wondering, is this a thing? I've never... heard any of my friends or my network talk about this so it's is this a thing that can happen in BDSM play and is there a way to prevent it I think now that we know what it is we'll If it happens again, which hopefully it doesn't, we'll be able to handle it. What is provoking this and how do I avoid it next time? This is definitely a thing that can happen. It literally...
Just happened. to you and this has happened to other people who were doing physically intense things. And not just kink, not just S&M, but people who are pushing themselves to their limits with extreme sports or running marathons.
you can crash out you can push yourself past your physical and emotional limits and that's what you two did you say that it was intense what you were doing shifting from impact play to this forced orgasm session you say it was intense but in a different way that i could handle no obviously at some point it was more than you can handle and you're
Your body pulled the ripcord. Your body crashed out. And so how do you prevent this in the future? Well, you look back at this experience and you take away from it. This lesson, there is a limit to the number of forced orgasms that you can... take in a row. You need some pacing breathers that you can't go from orgasm to orgasm to a powerful Hitachi magic wand vibrator pressed into your clit.
pushing you toward another forced orgasm because this is now something that you know about yourself that there are these
physical and emotional limits to how much you can take in a single session. And one of the great things about having a regular play partner for S&M is that you can discover These outer limits of what you can endure with somebody who then, because you're going to play with them again, can push you not to that point, not all the way to that point, to this now identified physical and emotional limit that you have, but bring you close to it. and then back off and give you a moment to to breathe
But yeah, this is a risk. You know, when you do physically intense bdsm play you say you started with impact play you went on to a long forced orgasm session this is powerful stuff that you're playing physically and emotionally it it it it stirs things up it is intense play it is varsity level kink and so yeah you should definitely think about this experience you should talk about it with your partner you should do a little forensic accounting you should interrogate it
And you should ask yourselves, ask him for any signs as you were getting close to this physical limit that you were getting there. And then when you play in the future, you're going to play with this. limit. Maybe this limit will expand. Maybe you had 30 orgasms in a row and 31 was too much.
and you're gonna have to back off to 26 you can continue to play with and test this limit and perhaps expand your limit but you learned in this session that you have a limit that there are limits to the numbers of orgasms that you can have in a row that it is possible for your partner that you love and trust and feel safe exploring this stuff with it is possible for him to push you with your consent for your mutual pleasure too hard, too far. So you're going to have to back off a little bit.
together but don't pathologize A lot of people who push their bodies will eventually in some way discover that they've stumbled into pushing their bodies past their bodies. limits. What complicates this is that you are doing it not like a marathon runner pushing herself past her physical limits. It wasn't something that you were doing all on your own. This is something you were doing with a partner.
And together you're going to have to figure out if you don't want to experience this kind of crashing out disassociative feeling again. you're going to have to really identify a line that's well before the risk of Again crashing out like this. There are two ways you can look at this as something that went terribly wrong or something you learned and discovered about yourself.
Now knowing where this line is, it makes play with your partner safer than the play with your partner was before you discovered this hard physical. this episode is sponsored by iris store hair loss is an enemy to humanity the iris store professional is clinically proven to regrow hair using an impressive 282 lasers LEDs that deliver powerful light therapy directly to your scalp.
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Alright, this week we've got an interview for you that varies a bit from the standard Lovecast format, standard Lovecast guests around here. This week, I chat with Christine Wendt.
she's an old pal one of the first editors of the stranger where i got my start where savage love got its start christine just published a book about the onion called funny because it's true how the onion created modern american news satire she was a member of the onions original staff from 1988 to 1990 and then moved to seattle where she shared a cubicle with me at The Stranger when Savage Love was just finding its legs. Christine, thank you for coming on the Savage Lovecast.
Thanks for having me, Dan. I'm so excited to be here. It's just like the old days. It is like the old days. We're both in the strangers' offices together right now. I know. Before we get to the book, please tell me all about penis fear. Yeah, it's in the book. That was probably the only Onion front page story that I wrote on my own. And this is circa like 1989 or something. And yeah, as far as I recall, it was something about what if...
Instead of being afraid of vaginas, what if we were afraid of penises instead? And wrote the article in the form of a parody report on academic research piece. So you wrote an Onion cover story back in the day. When the Onion was first establishing its voice, you helped establish the Onion's voice.
Uh, yeah, I mean, I like it in a tiny, tiny way. I mean, mostly people after me did what we considered to be, like, the Onions, you know, mature voice, if you can say that, but... but yeah people you know people remember that issue and i didn't realize people remembered it until i started researching the book and it was like you know on sale on ebay called the iconic penis fear issue and stuff like that so so
If you had to describe The Onion to somebody who had never heard of The Onion, wasn't familiar with The Onion, maybe somebody who's 20 years old right now who hadn't heard of the onion hadn't been exposed to the onion What is The Onion? What was The Onion? The Onion is a parody of news and the news media, and it takes the form of the media that it is.
parodying and satirizing really and uh the point of the onion is to kind of point out the flaws i think in public discourse and also to be like silly and absurd because there's a lot of that out there too and it's you know uses kind of classic satiric
tropes of comforting the afflicted and you know speaking truth to power and all that kind of stuff and also being very silly so the onions mission you say in the book was ridiculing humanity especially american humanity and how it uses the media to enact and enforce It's stupidity.
Yeah. At the creation, Tim Keck, Chris Johnson, they were the co-founders of The Onion, Tim Keck, who would go on to become the publisher of The Stranger, found The Stranger. It began as a parody of these small-town newspapers. Tim grew up... reading in rural wisconsin became a parody of bland national news sort of usa today style newspapers then a parody of cable news onion vets helped launch the daily show with john stewart the colbert rapport
Now there are no small town newspapers to make fun of. USA Today, I don't even know if it's in print anymore. People aren't watching cable news as much as they used to. The Onion was just relaunched. What is The Onion? What can it be a parody of now? Because for it to be a parody of small town newspapers or a parody of a bland national newspaper, that required an audience who was familiar with the thing that was being mocked.
and with the fracturing of the media And the atomization of media experiences, what compares to the ubiquity of the small-town newspaper or cable news that is a possible target for the Onion satire?
Yeah, it's interesting. So they're still kind of doing what they did before. But The Onion, I think... So I talk a little bit in the book about how media kind of creates reality. And I think what The Onion is... starting to do with their new owners as of last year they're kind of stepping out of like you know they're sort of coming out from behind the screen and going out in the real world so one of the something that got a lot of press was when they won a bid to purchase infowars
last fall and that's now tied up in court unsurprisingly but I thought that was super fascinating. Infowars is the right-wing conspiracy. I don't want to call it a news network. It's a web broadcast. Yeah, yeah. It's like some kind of weird right-wing performance art. And Alex Jones, who's the founder of it and the lead voice, traffics in conspiracy theories, attacked the parents of the Sandy Hook.
victims claimed they were crisis actors. They sued him, a billion-dollar judgment against him or something, and so it's forcing the sale of Infoworth, and the union tried to buy it, and I thought, okay, this is what... This is like a mass media experience now. Like YouTube could be something The Onion parodies or TikTok or Twitter. But can you parody those things? Aren't they self-parodizing?
Yeah, I don't know. It's interesting. They're kind of moving. I don't know. It's too early to say, but as far as I understand, they're going to be maybe moving in a direction of... more sort of kind of public stuff like that I don't know like pranks is like too small of a word I think of it as some kind of situation as sort of performance art and it's like what do you do when
You know, everyone's worldview is shaped by their little glowing screens. You have to put people back in the real world somehow, and that's kind of... what's left for the onion to kind of occupy and so i think i mean i mean i'm kind of like extrapolating here a little bit but I'm super interested to see what they do over the next year or two. So The Onion was famous for its headlines.
one of the headlines when I read the book, and the book is fascinating. I'm in there. I am not a fascinating aspect of The Onion. I had nothing to do with The Onion. I lived in Madison briefly, intersected with a few people, met Tim Keck before he started The Stranger, and that's how I wound up writing the advice column for The Stranger.
from the very first issue but i never was involved with the onion famous for its headlines people used to swap onion headlines online and two jumped out at me reading the book Canada signs non-aggression pact with the United States from November of 1990, which seemed absurd then. It did, yes. Doesn't seem so absurd now.
yeah yeah there's a later one that's it's uh perky canada has own laws on borders or something like that it's it's so there's the onion's been sort of like poking fun at like you know the gentle humanity of canada for a long time but now all of a sudden it's like it's different now, right? The other headline you cite when The Onion was kind of going national, becoming a bigger deal, and having to worry about how some of its headlines might be taken out of context or misconstrued.
And you labeled this headline unfunny, but it made me laugh out loud. Christ kills hooker. Yeah, I was hoping that one, there was like a dark period and Onion was doing some pretty dark jokes. There were some very dark like Kurt Cobain jokes and that sort of thing. And I was hoping that was like a meta joke about offensive jokes.
That's my sort of excuse for that one. Yeah. I'm sorry, but I love that one. And a lot of the Onion team wanted to bring out a book called Our Dumb Century, which was Onion Front Pages. from a hundred a hundred years from 1900 to 2000 and it was such a genius parody of and one of the things the onion parent has always parodied is kind of the self-importance and up its own acidness of the media in its self-regard.
And it's hard to parody that now because everyone's ironic in a way that the mainstream media is self-aware, has become self-aware. But some of the headlines in our dumb century were... as dark as christ kills hooker No, no, for sure. No, Our Dumb Century is absolutely brilliant. I mean, it's an absolute classic. You should still read it now. It came out in 1999. It won the Thurber Award for American Humor.
Absolutely, absolutely brilliant. It's one of the funniest books ever written, I think. But it does require a certain familiarity with what the front page of a newspaper looked like. No, absolutely. But part of that experience, they had really brilliant designers who, like, made, you know, from 1900 through, you know, the style of the newspaper, the way it looked.
changes over the time and that you know that reminds me of just like the form that that the media takes like matters we'd kind of forget about that but like the way it looks the way they sort of experience
You know, your body and your mind and how it works visually. Like, all of that stuff matters in the media. It's not just the content. You write that the onions, what Tim Keg said about kind of the first vein of humor the onion mind was treating big things like there were small things and small things like there were big things what does that mean Well, like there could be an Onion headline that
rubber band needed you know that's like taking something small and making it big you know it's like the art side of comedy and humor and like and like playing around with like the boundaries and structures around things i think christine and i continue our conversation about the onion media and my humble beginnings at the stranger on the magnum version of the savage love cast and of course i get christine to stick around and answer a couple of gnarly sex questions with me too
subscribe to the magnum and hear my entire interview with author christine wentz or to give the magnum as a gift head on over to savage.love hi dan i am a late 30s Woman. Let's go with woman. Gender fluid, mostly. Right now, that feels right. I think that the way that I prefer to present physically... is more for the female, non-binary, and queer gaze. I think I look Fairly butch.
And that's how I feel most me, but the type of men I'm currently interested in dating, I think, have more of like a standard dude appearance. And I don't know if I trend well. visually for this group of people and i guess i've thought about changing my appearance and like letting my hair grow out or i don't know wearing clothes that are more femme But it's not usually what I go for. I definitely look queer.
And probably, like, I bend genders. So what do you think I should do? Should I stick with being what's most me and hang out and wait and see what happens? Or... I know people obviously change how they look for all sorts of reasons. And do you think it's worth changing how I appear? Or would that just be like faking it for a relationship that it would eventually come up?
as kind of being like a costume i guess for context i live in a small town far from other towns so the dating pool is small i don't think you should change your appearance I think you should change your approach or you should start making the approach you say you want to stick with. the clothing and hairstyle and gender presentation that's feels most authentic to you it feels Like you, so you feel comfortable in your own skin. And then...
With this mostly mask presentation, you say you're going to hang out and wait and see what happens. And that's where I think you need to make a change. That's what you need to change. Not your look, not your hairstyle, not your... clothing choices you need to change that defaulting to a really kind of feminine approach to dating and mating which is you know being a little passive waiting for the dude or dudes that you're interested in
to make the first move, to initiate things, to approach you. And I think you need to do the approaching, do the initiating. If you have kind of a queerish, Mask presentation, even if you, you know, a woman works for you right now. You identify as a woman and people can tell you're a woman. But if you have kind of, I'm just going to use the D word, if you have kind of a dikey vibe.
Those dude bros that you're attracted to, most of them are gonna... take one look at you and think you couldn't possibly be interested in them
And, you know, the good dude bros, the ones who don't think that every queer woman just hasn't, you know, had the right dick, they're going to leave you alone. So the guys that... you're most interested in who might be the types of good guys you would be most interested in getting with and enjoying having some sort of connection with those are the guys likeliest to
Not approach you to leave you the fuck alone because you have a kind of mask queer Dikey vibe and they're in a sense by not approaching you respecting what it is that they think that you are and what it is that they think the signals that you're sending with your clothing and hairstyle and gender presentation what they think you're telling the world that you want which
they're assuming isn't them, and that would probably be an accurate assumption in most cases. So, yeah, don't change anything about your hairstyle. Don't, like, get all girly and femme. to attract the guys they are interested in. Approach the guys that you're interested in and I guarantee some of those guys are gonna be very very Into you. There are a lot of guys out there who are into Butch women mask women
A lot of guys out there watch a lot of girl on girl porn and not all the girls in girl on girl porn are girly girls. A lot of guys out there are watching girl on girl porn where there is a butch and they're into the butch.
Some of them. Some of them are going to be into the butch and... some of the guys that you're interested in could be one of those guys who are into butch women but have enough respect for butch women to assume that accurately most butch women wouldn't be into them so yeah yeah the fix here is not to change your appearance But to change your approach. By making the approach.
Alright, time for listener feedback. First up, some of the comments about last week's show from the very lively comment threads at savage.love. Says no cute name. To the caller whose husband cheated on her when she was five months pregnant, I found Dan's advice rather sad. except for the end where he suggested that she stay for now. Nothing's written in stone. She can decide that for now she wants to stay if that feeling changes.
she can leave but also there is life after divorce and some of it is very good indeed says shannie to the woman who's feeling insecure about having a threesome with two people who are supposedly Hotter than she is get out of your head. It sounds like you've never actually met either of these people in real life They might just be really good at curating an online existence. Who knows what they actually look like in person or how you'll feel when you're with them.
the flesh and finally says Dave C Cowley to the person hurting because someone didn't love them back Sometimes in life, you meet the person you need at this time in your life. And sometimes, unfortunately, you aren't the person they need at this time in their life. It's nothing you did, nothing you did wrong. You just didn't connect at the right time.
for both of you wise words dave thank you also for your comments shanny and no cute name for more listener comments go to savage.love click on the latest love cast or column or struggle session Scroll down to the bottom, and you will find my readers and listeners sharing thoughtful comments. And sometimes, every once in a while, they have better advice for the caller or the reader than I do. Check out the comments. Join the convo now at savage.love.
Alright, now, some of the voicemails Savage Love listeners left on our answering machine this week. Hey Dan, it's the Magnum sub that you mentioned last week calling in as a poppers-loving straight woman to say no way are they just for men. Double Scorpio's poppers have played a big role in some of the most delicious sexual moments of my life. When I take a sniff I instantly feel all warm and melty and turned on and close to my lover.
They'll help anyone prepare for anal by relaxing your muscles as well as your mind, making it a very useful tool for women. And on that note, Dan, I'm happy to report that the next time my well-endowed lover was in town, we were able to have anal more successfully. But they aren't only for that. My favorite way to enjoy them is simply in missionary position, kissing very deeply. I just
find that we melt into each other and it feels like we become one. I also like to take a couple sniffs and hand the bottle to my partner and take his cock in my mouth for the first time while he sniffs which is really delicious for both of us.
And ditto, my pleasure is out of this world when he goes down on me the same way. It can also be fun to have a sniff the first moment that he enters me or even in the pool with some silicon lube. I totally agree with you that they are best enjoyed in moderation. Because it makes sex so good, it can make it harder to have sex without. So save them for a special night. Not every night.
We're definitely reaching for them a lot less to give our brains and bodies a break. Lastly, fuck lying RFK Jr. and the FDA for shutting down our beloved double Scorpio. I really hope that you'll be able to even find poppers to try in this crazy country. Hey Dan, long time listener. I'm calling with a comment for episode 966. I love the idea of having M&Ms on hand in case someone we know needs abortion pills.
But I also wanted to encourage you and listeners of the Lovecast to donate to the National Network of Abortion Funds, which is a coalition of funds all over the country that help pay for... in office and medication abortion as well as travel expenses for people who can't get access in their own state.
The Northwest Abortion Access Fund is your local fund and my local fund, Baltimore Abortion Fund, both work with people who are traveling from all over the country in states where they just can't get care. between now and may 31st the national network is hoping to raise two and a half million dollars and they've got about 225 000 left to go i bet that savage love listeners could blow that coal out of the water go to nnaf.org.
to donate. Okay, Dan, I have a comment to add to the woman who thought she's going to be the least hot person in the freeway. And, you know... People, they know they're hot. They like being hot. They love being hot. I mean, all the reels and posts and instas of people just like, oh, you caught me watching my car. Oh, aren't I hot?
Oh, you caught me picking out veggies in the supermarket. Aren't I hot? They love being hot. They love being looked at. They love being worshipped and thought of as hot. So don't worry about not being the hottest one because they love being the hottest ones, even if it's true that they're hotter than you. And we're... Got a question for me? Go to savage.love.com. 2063. with pride gear.
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received outstanding reviews back in the day reviews of the new york times watching post another post is out The Savage Lovecast is produced every week by Nancy Hartooning. Thank you for downloading.