You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's sex and relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under 18, get out of here, young'un. if you're stuck in a relationship quandary or if you're looking for sexual harmony Whenever I want to talk at the top of the show about a viral video, Nancy reminds me that podcasting is not a visual medium and people can't see the video I'm talking about.
And she's right. Nancy is always right about everything. But in this instance, where I'm going to talk about a viral video at the top of the show, I'm really glad I can't show it to you. Because if you haven't seen it... Consider yourself lucky. I saw it. I wish I could unsee it. And everyone who works at HUD, the Department of Housing and Urban Development, saw it yesterday. I'm sure they all wish they could unsee it too.
It was the first day everyone at HUD, per Elon Musk's orders, had to be back in the office five days a week. And when I say everyone at HUD saw this video, I mean everyone. This short AI generated video played for five world without end minutes on repeat on every video monitor in the building. And I made the news, which is how those of us who don't work at HUD.
got to see it or were forced to see it. What the video shows in an extreme close up is Donald Trump on his knees, worshiping Elon Musk's feet, sucking Musk's big toe. And superimposed over the video are the words, long live the real king, which is a reference to something Trump posted last week, where he described himself as the king. I had two intrusive thoughts while I watched this video.
First, Musk appears to have two right feet. His big toes are on the left side of both of his feet, which... confusingly makes them two right feet. Look down at your right foot and you will see that your big toe is on the left side of your right foot and your big toe is on the right side of your left foot. Both of Musk's toes are on the right side, so... Clearly, some bugs left to work out with AI-generated foot fetish video technology. The other thought, in addition to...
was how did this video play? How did it go over with? I mean, foot fetishists who have to see their kink, a hugely important part of their sexuality. used in this way, instrumentalized in this way to demean a public figure. The hope here, of course, what motivated whoever made this video is that the shame, the shame of being associated with something so depraved will drive a wedge between Trump and Musk and get us to the inevitable rupture in their relationship.
maybe a little sooner. Now, for some foot fetishists, shame is definitely part of the turn-on or it's bound up with it. But that's not true for all foot fetishists. Being into shame and degradation is its own kink. Being in defeat, however, is just one of the many forms partialism takes. partialism, a sexual interest or attraction to a particular part of the body. No one says that a person with a thing for boobs or butts, also partialisms, are perverts.
And yet I've seen a thing for feet defined as the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or non-sexual body parts. Again, we don't describe a thing for asses or boobs as sexual fetishism, even though asses and boobs aren't sex organs, so they're technically non-sexual body parts.
There are important secondary sex characteristics, and yeah, it's usually easy to tell, but not always possible to tell the difference between a man's ass and a woman's ass. A little easier to tell the difference between a male chest and a female chest in almost every case, but not in every case. Same goes for feet. Like boobs and butts, a thing for feet is a gendered or sexed attraction to a secondary sex characteristic.
I've never met a straight male foot fetishist who would opt for men's feet in a pinch or a gay one who would opt for women's feet because men's feet don't look like women's feet and vice versa. I mean, there was someone out there for a while selling fleshlights. Toys you can insert your penis into and fuck that looked like feet. It was a little disturbing because to casual observers, it looked like a severed foot, but they sold male and female versions.
which means it wasn't a unisex sex toy. So all that seems to distinguish a crazy sexual fetish for a particular body part from a simple sexual attraction to a particular body part... is how common that attraction is. Zooming out for a second, some gay people are really bothered when comedians make fun of a politician like Lindsey Graham or Tim Scott, both senators from South Carolina.
For, well, not being gay, because neither of them have ever come out as gay, but, you know, reading gay. Both men have been known to set off people's gaydar. Jokes about Lindsey Graham don't bother me. I don't mind seeing politicians who work hard to keep homophobia alive pay a personal price for that. I don't mind seeing homophobes hoisted with their own homophobic petards.
And if we can convince people there's something gay about homophobia, then homophobes will think twice before shoving their homophobia down all of our throats. But these jokes really do bother many gay people. I imagine there are foot fetishists out there who are bothered, who object to their sexual interests being used like this. And the HUD video isn't the first image we've seen of Trump kissing Elon Musk's feet.
I imagine they object in the same way, and for the same reason, some gay people object to jokes about Lindsey Graham being gay. But foot fetishists, they can't jump online to call out these jokes about their kink. They can't challenge the political weaponization of their kink without...
outing themselves, which means most of them can't come to their own defense, which is why after watching this video, which again, if you haven't seen, consider yourself lucky, but if you want to see it, it is in our show notes. Which is why today I rise in defense of foot fetishists everywhere. Donald Trump is gross. Elon Musk is disgusting. Both men are dangerous. Sucking someone's big toe?
is neither gross nor disgusting or a danger to anyone else. And people with a thing for feet, while rarer than people with a thing for butts or boobs, they're not the gross and disgusting freaks. we need to be worried about right now. All right, Seattle and Portland, this weekend is your last chance to catch Hump 2025 Part 1 in theaters, the best little pornographic film festival. In the World, which this year includes a wonderful foot fetish film.
Hump screens in Portland at Revolution Hall this weekend and in Seattle at On the Boards. Come vote for your favorite sexy, funny, kinky films and help award these amazing filmmakers tens of thousands of dollars in cash prizes. Get your tickets for Hump at humpfilmfest.com. And once the show wraps up in Seattle and Portland and San Francisco, Hump heads out on its world tour. There is nothing like seeing Hump in a theater.
full of other people and nowhere else but Hump, where you get to see a cum sock movie musical comedy. Hump 2025 part one goes on tour next month. Check out the list of cities, dates, showtimes, and watch the trailer now at Hump Film Fest. All right, coming up on today's show on the micro, tons of your Q's, lots of my A's, and joining me on the Magnum. Content creator, model, world traveler, and all-around sex icon, Sunshine, joins me for a What Are You Doing segment.
That will be of particular interest to all you gooners out there. Don't know what a gooner is? Subscribe to the Magnum Savage Lovecast at savage.love and you will find out. All that and more coming up on today's show. This episode is brought to you by Blueland. Going eco has never been easier. revolutionary refillable cleaning essentials, eliminating single use plastics. Right now, get 15% off your first order by going to blueland.com slash savage.
This episode is brought to you by Dame Products, sex toys designed by women for women. For 20% off your first order, go to dame.com and use offer code SAVAGE20. This episode is brought to you by Field, an app where curious people come to connect. Download Field on the App Store or Google Play and find out why so many of my listeners are already using it.
Hey, Dan, I have a question. There is a lot of family drama happening around me at the moment, and I feel like I'm the only one who is sane in my life right now, and everyone else is crazy. So basically, my parents divorced two years ago. We're all in our 30s, so that's fine, though it was a massive, massive shock to us. My father left my mother for someone we know.
That ended very quickly after that, thank God, because it was just really awkward. My dad is living in an apartment close to where I am. Called me. Last week, to say that he has a new girlfriend, that he wants me to come around and meet her, I have no intention of coming around and meeting this girl because I have found out that my father is 74 years old. This girl is 19 years old.
I am absolutely outraged by this. My two brothers, who I called to get their reaction, were like, oh God, what is he doing? But like, not too bad. Like, let's go meet him anyway. He seems happy and stuff like that. There is no fucking way that I'm meeting my father and his 19-year-old child bride. I told my father, I don't want to talk to you. Don't call me again. Don't talk to me until she's not in your life anymore. Apparently, she's living with him now.
Apparently she has a child. It's like a Jerry Springer show. I'm not interested. My brothers said that I'm causing loads of conflict in the family group. I'm upsetting my mom by telling her about it. I'm like, why would she not want to know that? My brothers went to go meet him just at the weekend. I am absolutely staying out of it. And I don't want to talk to my dad at all now.
until this is finished am i crazy should i reach out to him i don't think i'm crazy he's insane he's 74 years old she's 19 that's like to me that feels like so illegal but my brother said that i'm overreacting then they're both adults But I'm like, no, this feels like a scam to me. If it's a scam, if this teenager is scamming your father, you're playing right into her hands by refusing to meet...
your father and by refusing to meet her. This is a moment when your father may need you to get in his face. And tell him that, okay, he's an adult. He's 74 fucking years old and single. He can date whoever he wants. He can let anybody he wants move into his house.
But for Christ's sake, the least he can do to protect himself and to protect his children, who would have to rush in to clean up the mess, is not marry this woman, not give this woman a credit card, access to his... personal finances that he needs a safe that his, even his credit card statements go into that. If she is there because she loves him, she won't even notice she doesn't have access to his personal finances or his credit card statements. But if she is there.
expressly to take advantage of him, she will notice and it will become an issue and then he will see and then he can get her the fuck out of his house. So... Yeah, it's squicky. It's gross. It's weird. It's not illegal. It's not pedophilia. 19 years old. Can't legally drink in whatever state your father is stooping this woman, but can consent.
To sex is legally, not a drinker, but legally an adult where sex and relationships are concerned. She could be the one being taken advantage of by your father. Your father... could be the one being taken advantage of by her. It's messy. It's uncomfortable. It's gross. And you not seeing your father didn't. Make this woman disappear into a puff of smoke. You refusing to see your father, even if all you do when you see your father is scream and yell at him and try to talk sense to him.
again if this woman is a scammer as you fear she might be that plays into her scammy hands one of the things a scammer who wants to take financial advantage of an elderly person might do, might seek to do is to isolate that person from their support system, which is you and your brothers. I think your brothers are wrong to shrug this off as not a problem or just dad being dad and 19 year old tits being 19 year old tits. But I think you're wrong to refuse to see your father, to not.
get in there because as squicky as it might be to have to interact with him and his new girlfriend now the shit show as you know you described this as a shit show the shit show that it's going to be on your hands if this woman is indeed a scammer, is going to be so much worse, so much greater, so much bigger a shit show six months from now or a year from now.
If this woman manages to get away with whatever it is this woman might be and who knows might not be trying to get away with. So if I were you, I would be. grossed out, uncomfortable, worried, concerned, and there. One of the things I would be there to do is to look that person in the eye so that they understood that Their new boyfriend, my elderly father, had people who were looking out for him.
And scrutinizing her, zooming out for a second, talk generally about how relationships with significant age gaps should come in for a higher degree of scrutiny. And it's usually the older person we're talking about. coming in for that scrutiny and an older person who's with a much younger person in a committed romantic relationship that might be annoying or upsetting to some people in that younger person's life should welcome the scrutiny. You should invite the scrutiny.
and answer the questions that the people concerned for your much younger partner might have for you their family members their parents whatever this is a case where because i think the age difference because we're talking about a 74 year old with a 19 year old with a kid that if her motives are pure, if this is somehow...
A love it, true sight, star-crossed lovers. Wouldn't it be better if they'd met 50 years ago when they were roughly the same age and some alt-universe would have been better, but there's actually real affection there? Probably not, but who knows? Anything is possible. If she is there with good and pure motives, when you show up and you look her in the eye and say, I have concerns and what the fuck, she will want to have.
that conversation with you. She will want to address your concerns and she will tell you what the fuck. And if she won't, that's a bad sign. And you can carry that bad sign to your father and attempt to shake it in front of him or shake him in front of it and bring him to his senses. At the very least convince him. not to sign anything over, not to leave anything laying around, not to change his will, and not to marry the child.
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Hi, Dan, Nancy, and the tech savvy at risk youth. I'm a cis bi man from London in the UK. I'm polyamorous and have a wife, two kids, and a long-term girlfriend. which doesn't leave me much time for anything else. But I do have a wonderful semi-regular partner who comes over from the US every couple of months. We have really fun dates, interesting conversation, great sex.
and she always stays in fancy hotels, which is a fun little bonus for me. She's expressed an interest in seeing what London sex parties are like. I've been to a few with my wife, but she's not that interested anymore. And it isn't something I've done with my girlfriend. So I'd like to go more. And my American partner is very experienced. In theory, she'd be a great person to go with. Problem solved. But there's one more problem.
She's extremely loud during sex, like way beyond anything I've experienced with anyone else. When we first hooked up, I was a little surprised by it, a little self-conscious about the whole hotel hearing us. But eventually I got used to it and I grew to really enjoy it. Anyway, there's some truth in the stereotype that British people are a bit more reserved, even at a London sex party. You're definitely going to hear people expressing themselves, making noise while fucking at these events.
but I think my American partner would be a level or two above. It'll be a thing. I don't think anyone would make her feel unwelcome, but I'll be acutely aware that she, and by extension both of us, are kind of dominating the room. I feel really bad asking about this. She's a wonderful considerate partner who has that amazing ability to make me feel really desired. I don't want to do anything to suppress her sexual expression.
So I don't feel like I can say anything to her about it but at the same time I just have this anxiety that I won't feel fully comfortable and fully sexy if I have this nagging feeling that everyone is making eyes at each other. about that one noisy as fuck couple over there. Dan, help me find an elegant solution. One caveat, I don't think a ball gag is going to be the one for this situation. You've come to really enjoy.
The loud sounds, the screaming and yelling, the moaning and sighing, the caterwauling that this woman engages in during intercourse because you are wired to enjoy those things. What your female partner is doing, there's a... There's a term for it. There's a scientific term for it. Female copulatory vocalizations. And female primates, many female primates, during intercourse, loud screaming, loud yelling.
caterwauling, whooping, sighing, moaning. A couple of theories as to why female primates engage in copulatory vocalizations. Hurries the male along, turns the male on, sometimes makes the male's orgasm arrive a little bit faster. Also some evolutionary. Biologists believe that female copulatory vocalizations are one of the things that point to our species, other species, closely related species, not being monogamous. Because while the female was screaming and yelling.
During intercourse, other males, a savanna or two away, other males, several dozen trees away, would hear that, know that a female was engaged in sexual activity, and... drift over to see if they might have a turn next so it accomplished two things it attracted other males but it also finished off the male that was
currently fucking her so that by the time the other males who heard the caterwauling arrived, or the other male that heard the caterwauling arrived, the male that she'd been having sex with was done and she was available to that other male that she attracted. All right. So knowing what's going on here and knowing that this is typical female primate behavior and that this woman isn't doing anything wrong, isn't going to solve your problem about being self-conscious at the sex club because.
She's loud. All right. Then don't go to the sex club. You eventually had to get used to it in hotel rooms and knowing that other people in the next room. Could hear you and please God be the kind of loud people who have sex, loud sex in hotel rooms, not at 1 a.m. but at 1 p.m. or at 10 p.m.
Fuck you if you're being this loud. Anybody, fuck anybody who's this loud in a hotel room at 2 a.m. When I hear people having loud, loud sex in a hotel room at 2 p.m. or at 6 p.m., I'm always like, thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for doing this. indecent thing at a decent hour. Nobody resents sex sounds in a hotel at 10 p.m. Everybody hates the loud fuckers in hotels when people are trying to do that other thing that people do in hotels, which is sleep.
But you're one of the sex club. Okay, well, you got used to it in a hotel. You learn to stop worrying about what other people in other rooms or walking down the hall. several floors away might hear or overhear or think, and all they're going to think is I'm in a hotel and it's building full of beds and some people are fucking in those beds. And clearly there are two people fucking in the bed behind that door.
You got used to it. You got over it. You can do that in a sex club too. And who knows, maybe you bring this loud, loud American woman and her copulatory vocalizations to a sex club. in London, and these other people there, all the other primates there, will maybe judge, maybe they'll be shocked, maybe there'll be some side-eye, or...
Maybe she'll inspire other primates in the club to just go ahead and scream their heads off too. Because however loud they get, they'll probably not be as loud as her.
You disinhibited fucking this woman in hotel rooms. You can disinhibit fucking this woman in a sex club. And if you have a problem with it, if anybody has a problem with it, just go to the DJ and ask him to play You can be as loud as the hell you want when you're making love from Avenue Q, because ultimately every answer we need for every interpersonal human conflict, sexual and otherwise, can be found in the American musical theater.
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You won't want to miss this. Blueland.com slash savage for 15% off. Your skin will thank you. The earth will thank you. Let them know the Lovecast sent you. Blueland.com slash savage to get 15% off. Hi, Dan. My partner and I recently made a film called Surrender for Humpfest, and it got accepted. Super exciting. The film is kinky, intimate, and very much an expression of who we are as queer, bi, kinky poly folks. Here's the complication.
My partner's wife, my memoir, wants to see the film. She's never seen us have sex before, and while she's witnessed him play with others at events, this seems very different. Watching surrender would mean seeing us up close and personal on a big screen in a deeply intimate and kinky dynamic that's specific to us and not part of their relationship.
I'm uncomfortable with the idea of her seeing this, and I worry it might affect how she sees me in our dynamic or in the future. Since we're also launching an OnlyFans and planning to make more public films, I'm struggling with whether it's unreasonable to say... I don't want her watching any of our content. How do I balance my discomfort with her curiosity while respecting our polyseal dynamic and staying true to the visibility we're trying to create with this work?
It feels like a minefield and I don't want to mess up the relationship here. When I wrote The Kid, which was a memoir about my then boyfriend, now husband, and I adopting our son together, my mom wanted to read it. I sent her a copy with a couple of chapters removed and said, yeah, honoring what you'd always said to me, that there are things a mom has a right not to know, I took the chapters out that you would.
Probably not want to read. Things you wouldn't want to know. I couldn't stop my mother, however, if she had wanted to from walking to a bookstore. That's how long ago it was. Or later getting on Amazon and ordering an unredacted copy of that book and reading the things that not only I...
was worried that she would be discomforted by reading, but that I, knowing she was reading, would feel a little uncomfortable about. Sometimes it's hard to write things down when you think your sister or your mom are going to read them. Yeah. So I said to my mom, took those chapters out, things you might not want to know, and then left it at that. So why not say to this woman that you have some sort of relation? You say you're a metamors.
It sounds like you two may interact. This sounds like a kitchen table or sink poly situation. Say, hey, I'm feeling just a little like, feels intense for me to, for you to see this film to watch.
Me and your husband get it on the way me and your husband got it on in this film. And just put it out there. Acknowledge the awkwardness or how awkward you feel without the presumption that it's going to make... them feel awkward or they're going to have any sort of particular feeling about it at all she knows you're fucking her husband she's seen her husband fuck others of his partners
And so she's not going to see anything she hasn't seen. She's not going to be confronted, perhaps, with any mental images she hasn't been confronted with already. And so this entirely, to me, seems like a you problem. And it's interesting to think about why you have a problem with this. What is it that you're afraid that she's going to see in this video that you made with her husband that she doesn't already know, assume, or hasn't seen?
him enjoy or connect in that way with others. I don't know. I don't know what that is. I do know that just like I couldn't stop my mother from getting her hands on an unredacted copy of The Kid. If you're going to create an OnlyFans account, if you're going to submit your film to Hump, and thank you. Thank you for making a film for Hump. Surrender. It's great. One of my favorites this year. I can't wait to share it with Hump audiences.
You can ask her not to come to the show but you can't stop her from coming to the show. She could go to a screening that you and your boyfriend aren't at. She could eventually stream that. hump 20th anniversary part one season online and if you start an only fans she can buy a membership and watch the content that you're going to create with her husband you can't control this Or you can just say to her, look, it feels irrational, but I feel weird watching this with you. And then...
Maybe she'll say, yeah, it is a little weird. Or she'll say the perfect thing that sets you at ease. Maybe something she said to others of her husband's partners about their sex that she has watched or witnessed in the past. And you'll feel better about this. But you need to let go. You can't control this. You created this content. You submitted it to this film festival. Tickets are available now. HumpFilmFest.com for the 20th anniversary part one tour of Hump.
And once your OnlyFans is live, she can watch that too. So, control what you can control. Don't worry about what you can't. And you can't ultimately anymore control whether you're... boyfriend or your partner or your play partner's spouse gets to see you two going at it. And thank you again for entering hump. No hump without humpers. No hump without the hump filmmakers. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by field.
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Download Field on the App Store or Google Play and find out why so many of my listeners are already on Field. And we're excited to announce that we are going to be partnering with Field to find stories of first-time adventures. Stay tuned. Hi, Dam and everyone. I'm a mid-40s gay man. I've been in a monogamous relationship with my partner for 10 years. I really love him. I really adore him. And we have a great life together, but...
I mean, sex life is good, but it's repetitive. Like, he doesn't want any sexual adventure or sexual novelty. He just wants to do it in the same way every time. I'm not satisfied with that, so I persuaded him. to open the relationship and to let me sleep with other guys. He was very reluctant. I had to work really hard to persuade him. And there's lots of ground rules. Like I told him that I would only sleep with other guys.
three or four times a year and he wants me to tell him every time and it must be safe sex because we don't use condoms together but each time that i do tell him i've slept with someone else he freaks out and he says he doesn't know if the relationship can survive it, threatens to break up with me, and it's a whole big drama each time. I tell him. It's also been really difficult for me to find casual sex because of my age, because I live in quite a rural place. And the biggest thing is...
that he wants me to use condoms with these guys and nobody wants to use condoms anymore. I can't find anyone who's willing to use condoms. So I'm investing about 30 hours in growing dough for every one hour of sex. that I get. So because of all this, I've started breaking the ground rules. I'm not telling my partner every time I have sets for someone else because I don't want the drama.
I've also occasionally used sex workers because it's been really hard for me to find sex for free so I'm paying for it occasionally and also the other thing I haven't told them is that I'm on prep and I'm having... at xx because nobody will use gondoms anymore so i'm hiding the bread from my brand which feels really chittery
And so I've got this secret sex life he doesn't really know about. And I think he would break up with me as if he knew. Because he's quite judgmental without sex. He's not open-minded without sex. He would be really shocked, actually, that I'm using sex workers and I'm on bread. I don't want to lose him. I really love him. I really want to keep him. So please help me down. He's going to find your prep.
or he's going to find your receipts, payments you've been making to these sex workers, however you've been making them, or he's going to find out he has a sexually transmitted infection because although you are using PrEP, which protects you from HIV infection, PrEP does not protect you from chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, other sexually transmitted infections.
Even condoms, of course, there's the risk of the skin-to-skin sexually transmitted infections that most sexually active gay men have already been exposed to by your stage of life anyway. So I don't think... too tremendous a concern HPV or herpes but still a concern but if you end up giving him gonorrhea that's because you had sex with somebody else who gave you gonorrhea not using a condom even if you were on prep so he's gonna find out sooner or later and the longer this goes on
the worse it's going to be for you. You tried to have that conversation with him about why you wanted to open the relationship. You had that conversation with him about why you wanted to open the relationship. You want more sexual excitement. You want more novelty. And he agreed reluctantly and then did that thing that some people who agree reluctantly to open the relationship will do, which is to...
Make one of the rules. I have to know. You have to tell me. You have to disclose and then retaliate after a disclosure by blowing the fuck up about the fact that you slept with somebody else or you did it wrong or it was the wrong time or you did this one. tiny little thing wrong and then that's just drama they get to scream and yell at you about how you did this thing they told you that you could do if you did it perfectly which of course you never quite managed to do
It's a particularly volatile way pudness expresses itself. Somebody who is poly or open under duress, they agreed because they want to stay in the relationship, but they're angry about it. And so they punish the person who issued the opener over ultimatum that they accepted but are still angry about. And it's untenable. The relationship can't go on like this forever. And I think you know that. And you're creating all sorts of trails of evidence here. The 30 Hours on Grindr.
text messages, making appointments with sex workers, paying sex workers. I don't know if you're using PayPal or a cash app or your credit card, but. that's evidence that he might stumble over. But the biggest risk here is you're having unprotected sex with other men after promising him that if you had sex with other men, you would use condoms and you are not using condoms.
having sex with sex workers and other gay men, your risk of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection and passing it on to your... which is probably not something your relationship could come back from, is really high. I think you just have to have the conversation again. I think you need to go to him and say, look, these rules that we set out to allow for me.
to have sex with other people, which I require to be content in our relationship, are unworkable. And unworkable by design. I don't think... leave that out. Don't say to him, unworkable, but design, that's me talking to you. They're kind of unworkable by design. He doesn't want it to work for you to have sex with other people because he doesn't want you to have sex with other people or wants you to have as little sex with other people as possible.
And you just need to say to him, like, look, I'm going to get on PrEP. You can say get on PrEP if you don't want to admit you are already on PrEP because nobody has sex with condoms anymore because of PrEP. I'll also get DoxyPep if you live in a place where you can get DoxyPep. for the protection it provides against bacterial sexually transmitted infections like gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis.
But this rule doesn't work. Condoms don't work. And obviously disclosing to you doesn't work because I get punished when I tell you what you told me I needed to tell you. And that is... making telling you not fun in a problem. And so I'm not going to tell you. What I want is for you to know I'm getting on prep. I won't be using condoms when I have sex with other guys. And I'm not going to tell you about it. What we need is a DADT.
arrangement where you can pretend I'm not having sex with other guys and I will do everything in my power to shield you from any evidence I'm having sex with other guys. But we need to have this one conversation where we both acknowledge that I am having sex with other guys. And then if the relationship ends, all right, it was going to end sooner or later.
And it was either going to end in an honest adult conversation like this, like I'm urging you to have, or it's going to end in a complete fucking shit show where you are the villain in the piece because. All in one day, he found receipts for sex workers and he found out he has syphilis. You're already risking everything with your actions. You need to go in and risk everything.
with your words and i realize it sounds like i'm coming down on you i am on your side here most gay relationships are open there's some allowance for outside sexual contact Stephanie Kuntz had a giant piece in the New York Times describing gay men's sexual relationships and their relationships and identifies that allowance for outside sexual contact in gay male relationships as a stabilizing force and something that...
other people, lesbians, opposite sex couples might want to adopt because it is good for our relationships. It makes them stronger and more resilient. I am on your side here, but you need to go have that conversation with him. That's where the impatience crept in because I think you should be able to see that your relationship is at risk here. It's at risk if you ask for what you want. You issue another ultimatum. It's at risk if you keep doing what you're doing, but it's at risk.
And so why not risk an ethical non-monogamous relationship? And DADT is one form an ethical non-monogamous relationship can take. Right now you're in a non-monogamous relationship, but not a particularly ethical one.
All right, time for listener feedback. First up, I'm going to read some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment threads at savage.love, the only place on the internet where you should read the comments. I took a call last week from a woman who was concerned. because her male partner was looking at escort ads online. He insisted it was only to fantasize and jack off. I said he might not be lying about that, says Ted the Bellhop. Viewing escort ads for the faps.
That is a real thing. I used to get my engine revved by going through the Craigslist personals in my area to find guys looking to share their big dicks. I would fantasize about my wife. hooking up with those guys, says Omega Oh My. Maybe it was something in the caller's tone that caught my attention. But I have to say, the call about the partner with unique anatomy and full body orgasms.
set off about a thousand Omegaverse fan fiction alarm bells that very well might have been a real call, but I also felt like I was deep in archive of our own. I don't know what any of that means, Omega, oh my. The Omegaverse, hmm, huh, what, and... I'm not in a Googling mood, so I am not going to find out, at least not today. Lots of tips in the comment threads for the buy male caller who wanted to find sex parties where buy guys like him.
We're welcomed, says JJ72. I think the best way to find bi-sex parties and places is to go online and connect with other bisexuals and either get the intel from them or get invited by them or plan something together with them. Also, many bathhouses or gay sex clubs here in Germany have a bisexual day or an all genders welcome day. Maybe worth checking out if this is a thing in the US as...
Well, I want to second the getting intel from other bisexuals and maybe planning sex parties of your own, but all genders welcome day, not a thing at gay bath houses in the U S and just generally. bathhouses in the U S and gay bathhouses in Germany and other places in Europe are not quite the same animals. You just don't see as many by nights or all gender nights at commercial sex spaces.
here in the United States, which is a shame. For more listener comments, check out the comments section at savage.love. And for longer responses from me to listener comments, written comments, Check out Struggle Session every Thursday under column at savage.love. All right, now everyone's favorite part of the show, the part of the show where I shut my big gay mouth and Savage Love listeners get the last word.
To the caller in the recent podcast who was concerned about her boyfriend looking up escort pages online. As Dan predicted, this is one of what are probably going to be many calls coming in to say that this is actually pretty normal. Unless you're in a big city with a very thriving nightlife, and even then, even if this is the case.
Most of those pages, most of those ads probably aren't especially current. They aren't even necessarily local. What they are is pictures of very hot people with descriptions of things that they would gladly do to you if you pay for the booking fee. So it's a bite-sized little fantasy all in one place and probably makes for, you know, easy flipping through for the spank bank. No, this is actually probably pretty normal. Everything should be fine.
This is a response to the bisexual caller who was looking for parties that would mix everything. There really aren't a lot of those parties where everyone plays with each other. that are out there that aren't swinger focused and kind of heteronormative. So create it for yourself. Go on field.
create a profile, and meet people. That's exactly what I've done. I've started hosting my own orgies. I myself am pansexual, so I sort of invite everyone, but there's lots of folks that are down for that sort of... private party experience and i'm sure your caller can list as bisexual and meet bisexual couples bisexual women and invite them to his little get together and either have his partner join or not
Dan, comment on the lady whose date had a full body orgasm sitting in the restaurant. I agree with you. It sounds a little bullshit-y. However, I have personally experienced through... focused meditation techniques things that seem a lot like a full body orgasm it's not sexual it is spiritual it is physical and it is ecstatic and beautiful and also
oddly enough very reminiscent of mdma and also oddly enough pretty much readily available whenever i need to call on it and i've had others validate that This is also available to them. And it's not about thinking about it. It's literally about not thinking about it. Good luck. And we're going to leave it there.
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