You're listening to the microversion of the Savage Lovecast at Savage.Love. We are not talking about politics on today's show, but I have something to say here at the top of the show about a story. The story that is because we live in ridiculous times, kind of sort of politics adjacent, but I'm going to do my best to skirt the politics of this story and just address the faggotry of it.
Alright, so a puzzle for you, a conundrum, how does a man who has sex with a woman and has only ever had sex with women, how does that man become a faggot? Exactly how does that work? According to a Penn State football fan outside Beaver Stadium this weekend, a man who only has sex with women becomes a faggot by having sex with a rich and famous woman, a popular singer, with millions of gay fans.
That would seem to be the argument being made by a troll who decided it would be a good idea to chase after former football player, current podcaster at ESPN College Football Color Commentator Jason Kelsey on Saturday. Hey Kelsey, how does it feel that your brother is a faggot, dating Taylor Swift to the troll shouted at Jason again and again?
Because I guess technically when you have sex with Taylor Swift to pop star Adiva with millions of gay fans, you're not just having sex with her, you're also having sex with all of her gay fans. I guess that's how this works. If so, if this is how it works, kind of reminds me of those sexist abstinence only education campaigns that warn boys that when they sleep with girls, they're not just sleeping with that girl, they're also sleeping with every other boy that that girl has ever slept with.
Which means boys don't just have to worry about catching STIs from girls and every boy that girl ever slept with, but catching gay too. If a girl has gay fans, which pretty much all girls do. At some point Jason heard this man shouting at him, lost his temper and confronted the asshole who was making a video because of course he was and Jason grabbed the assholes phone, hurled it to the ground, breaking it into what looked like a million tiny pieces and then got in the trolls face and said,
who's the faggot now? Or as the athletic awkwardly described the incident on Sunday, Jason Kelsey slammed a Penn State football fan's phone on the ground after taunts and a homophobic slur were said toward him on Saturday ahead of the Nittany Lions match up against Ohio State.
If you're gay like me, you instantly thought after reading that what the fuck is a Nittany lion, according to Penn State's website, it's a kind of mountain lion that roamed the area until 1880 before being moved out of the area. Kind of like Native Americans were moved out of the area. Anyway, quick point up order, faggots don't date Taylor Swift. She's written a lot of songs about her exes and not one of those songs is about any one of us.
And having straight sex with a hot rich famous woman does not make you gay, not unless the rich and famous singer you married was Liza Menelli two of the four men, Liza Menelli married were gay, which means lies about at 500, which is a great average in the American league, but not so great in the husband league if you're a straight woman.
But while marrying Liza Menelli may have been a pretty gay coded thing for a man to do in the 1970s dating Taylor Swift in the 2020s is about the single straightest thing a man could possibly do predictably right wingers jumped on Twitter and demanded that the gays cancel Jason and that we the gays threatened ESPN with what would be if we launched it.
The world's most ineffective boycott since evangelical Christians declared boycotts against deep breath. Disney Coke Applebee Starbucks McDonald's Target Walmart Amazon United Google Hilton Mary out Netflix Southwest YouTube Whole Foods Orioles Pampers Pepsi Doritos tied Tylenol Tostitos and Wheaties and that's just a partial list.
The gays responded to that call for us to boycott ESPN, which would be about as effective as straight men boycotting bongs and gay cruises with a fuck the fuck off Jason Kelsey calling that asshole a faggot at that moment. We will allow it. This one's by this man at this moment or the record is not lost on us the two straight men were caught on tape calling each other faggot because faggot is the worst thing one straight man can call another straight man or his brother.
But again for the record most gay men don't like to hear that word don't want to hear anyone using that word except other gay men whose dicks are literally in our mouths at the time. So before you use that word ask yourself am I a gay man is another gay man sucking my dick right now.
Then I will pick a different insult in other Jason and Travis Kelsey news the brothers shared some sex advice on the last installment of their podcast new heights Jason advised man going through a dry spell with his wife to pursue his wife by wearing skin tight pants that quote show off the goods.
Jason's wife Kylie who is presumably like most men's wives pretty familiar with her husband's goods took to tick to talk to warn men against taking her husband's sex advice if I had to guess based on my husband's dumbass response to this question said Kylie I would say that he's probably going to experience a spell of his wife not being interested.
Tight pants have their time in place bars and clubs and football fields but tight pants at home tight pants all day long smush the goods and the goods get sweaty when they're smushed and sweaty goods get stinky which isn't good. Also tight pants they can make the goods hard to access now if you really want to show off the goods what you need at this time of year.
It's a really good pair of loose gray sweat pants all faggots know this baggots anticipate the arrival of guys in their gray sweat pants season the same way basic bitches anticipate the arrival of pumpkin spice in their lattes season which Jason would have known if he bounced his sex advice off a gay friend first. Jason doesn't have any gay friends to run his sex advice past maybe his younger brother's hot girlfriend Taylor could lend him one or two million of hers.
Alright coming up on the show today joining us on the micro and the magna Michelle Renee the founder of soft cock appreciation week is here to talk about soft cocks and this annual celebration of soft cocks that kicks off November 10th.
And on the magna only Paul Rosenberg from rain city jacks joins me to talk about the surprising things that happen when a hundred or more men gay by and some straight get together to jack off all that plus a ton of your calls fun crazy kinky weird amazing calls all designed all selected by hand lovingly to provide you with a distraction right now on this day.
All days we all need distractions let's get to that first good distracting call this episode is brought to you by helix sleep the makers of my mattress and your next mattress right now he looks is offering 25% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners go to helix sleep dot com slash savage this is their best offer yet it won't last long go get your new mattress with helix better sleep starts now.
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This episode is brought to you by talk space therapy made easy it a $2 off your first month when you go to talk space dot com slash savage and enter promo code space 80. Hi Dan Nancy in the text have you at risk youth. I'm a daddy and I have a baby girl who was absolutely beautiful. And she does talk about how she's insecure about her breasts.
And I was thinking about that salient infusion call and looked it up and it seems like people do do that for breasts and it seems like the perfect thing because she often says she wishes she had larger breasts but she doesn't want artificial breasts.
And I don't think she even really wants anything permanent I just think she'd like to have kind of like a Cinderella experience where we go to a kink party sometime and she just looks incredible and has the kind of breasts that she always dreamed of she's pretty shy so I don't think I could get her to go to a clinic.
But I'm thinking maybe we could do it ourselves is something like that even possible it may not be advisable but I just thought I would check back in because I keep thinking about it and your dance average. I have to say that when I first heard your question I was like yeah no no this sounds like a terrible idea this sounds like something regular guest doctor Brock would recoil and horror from until you not to do.
And then you know the person you mentioned that was on the show talking about salient injection salient infusion play Rob wild the gay porn star and content creator and he does salient infusions into his balls and makes them just fucking enormous and he walked us through the process and how you do that and how it's safe and salient when it is you just just saltwater put into the balls eventually it's just absorbed into the body and the sweat.
And then the body and the swelling goes away and no permanent damage is done unlike silicone injections which some people have done injecting silicone directly into their bodies into their butts into their hips into their penises scrotums and that can literally fucking kill you.
And then the bloodstream breaks down against the bloodstream do not do so look on injections but I thought salient injections into the boobs will that can't be safe and then I did what I expect or assume you've already done and I google that only to discover that they're calling it the 24 hour breast augmentation the 24 hour boob job that this is a fat now. I learned something new every day learn from my listeners readers callers all the time I did not know about this sounds like it safe.
There are people getting this done in doctors offices it was I read a little bit of a history about this 24 hour breast augmentation salient infusions into the breast and it said it was initially away for women who were thinking about regular breast augmentation silicone implants with the
bags not just silicone being injected directly into the body to test out the size of the new breasts that they wanted to acquire and some women just kind of dug this 24 hour breast augmentation with saline where blows up the boobs for the wedding or the party that you want to go to and within 24 hours the body is absorbed the saline and boobs go back to the natural state.
So with their original state what should you do well I guess daddy with the baby girl who is an adult human who is consenting to a kind of power exchange relationship with a man where she pretends to be a baby girl what should you do I don't think that you should do this yourself you should do some googling like I did a little googling and find out what plastic surgery provider near you does the
kind of saline injections yeah Rob wild porn star has some experience doing this and does it to himself and with some other performers that he regularly creates content with and he's gotten good at it but probably don't want to win this yourself because an injection site could get infected you know where are you going to source the saline where you're going to get the hypodermic needles and the bags of saline like yeah
unless you've got somebody there who's very experienced with saline infusion play you're not going to want to wing this by yourself the first time you go to a professional who's doing these 24 hour breast augmentation or you define somebody like Rob wild who is very experienced with infusion play and can train you to on how to do it can you do it apparently you can
Hello Magnum sub here 37 Salt Lake City Utah so I was at this like kind of kink party and there were all sorts of like performers and contraptions and I tried to be as down for whatever is possible and so I walk in and I see this machine and it's essentially like a vacuum sealer like the type of thing that you could
put like in your sous vide to suck out all the air so I lay in this thing it's got a hole for my mouth little claustrophobic but like I'm down whatever and it starts like sucking and sucking and sucking and I'm just getting like more and more squished and I don't hate it I don't get it not really my jam but I don't hate it so I did the whole thing it was fine very very medium but then after I get out of the machine and when I say I was so
tormented I could not walk straight I was leaning against a wall I threw up for hours is this normal like was it just such like an over sensory thing that it made me sick the thing you described the machine you describe sounds to me like what the kinksters call a VAC rack of vacuum rack you know a bond
of a track where somebody's sort of spread out in bondage an X form a VAC rack basically recreates that sensation for a person but sealed between two sheets of latex basically there's a frame and there's kind of a latex pillowcase but adult human size that goes over it and then you attach it you sealed it both ends and there's a hole for the mouth of the person can breathe when
inside of it then you attach a vacuum to it that's the back part of back rack and it sucks the air out and it's almost like somebody becomes the steak or the chicken rest that's been heat sealed the grocery store or like the sous-v preparation that you mentioned that people might have to Google to figure out what the fuck that means and you're basically sealed up inside this thing and you can't get out it's a bondage device popular among people
who are into rubber and bondage and there's a lot overlap in the people in the rubber and bondage communities surprise that they had one at a kink party or a kind of kink party sounds like a real kink party not a kind of a kink party if they have a VAC rack and any
kink party and Salt Lake City who wanders in can jump inside it surprise they had one there the reaction you have after being in there yeah maybe maybe it was such an all body sensory experience that you are overwhelmed and that's why when you got out you don't say how long you were in there but when you got out you were a little weak did anyone pay attention to you while you were in there was anyone using a vibrator on you
stimulating you in any other way was it a psychological reaction where you shocked in a poll that your own capacity for new experiences was this your first time in that kind of serious sensory deprivation style bondage and did it leave you in this state where you were weak and stumbling and puking I guess that's possible I know a lot of people who've been in VAC racks and I follow a lot of people on social media who are
all sorts of kinds of kinks including VAC racks and I've never seen this disgust as a possible risk for a first timer in a VAC rack that they're going to get out of that VAC rack and not be able to walk or stand and then start puking their guts out which has me
thinking this might amount of coincidence what did you have to eat there in Salt Lake City earlier in the day I could see being in a VAC rack for a while leaving you physically feeling a little weak and wobbly once you get out of that kind of intense sensory deprivation bondage but I just can't see that kind of intense sensory deprivation bondage making you puking your guts out like you've got food poisoning or a terrible flu or something
so more than one thing can happen to a person in an evening possible you got into a VAC rack you're a little wobbly when you got out of it and then it's possible that whatever it is you had for lunch or dinner didn't agree with you and it coincidentally caught up with you at the same time you were feeling
weak and wobbly after your first experience with really intense sensory deprivation style bondage in the VAC rack at the kind of a kink party that you intended in Salt Lake fucking city what the hell is going on in Salt Lake fucking city
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and this is just plain fucking weird and I wish I were making it up so I have discovered that my cat is into SNM and the reason I discovered it is because after my dog died they're about the same size they were best friends well after my dog died my cat started asking me to rubber in a very aggressive way and wanting me to like
rubber neck and like pull her neck and bite her and like show a climb in the bed I'll give her her regular pets then she's for button here which cats are known to do and so I may rub her hips a little bit and then she starts to make this insane now this angry now this anguish now and I think I'm hurting her and so I stop and then she now and at me and gets mad that I'm not petting her she wips me with her tail down
and then like she kind of moves her neck like she wants me to pull on her you know there's been times when I've given her love bites just to say hello because that's kind of her thing she wants me to bite her she wants me to dominate her and I just fucking can't I won't and she treats me like I'm an asshole when I don't
like I said she's grieving the loss of her canine partner who was the three G's and apparently did all sorts of things how can I honor her grieving process in a way that she understands because when I don't do it she feels rejected and she gets depressed how can I honor her grieving process in a way that she'll understand but doesn't violate the three G's because I am so not game there is no conference here and I just can't explain it to her.
I don't think the three G's are relevant to this situation GGG good giving in game for anything within reason what we should be for our sex partners and what our sex partners should be for us your cat not your sex partner and I think you're projecting onto your cat assumptions about the kind of physical
affection your cat is seeking from you right now that are human your anthropomorphizing your cat a little bit because this feels rough to you you're equating the kind of physical attention your cat needs and wants from you at this moment during your cat's grieving process with some sort of S&M and since you're uncomfortable roughing your cat up in the way your cat apparently wants to be roughed up right now
you're describing that you're sexualizing this in a way that I just think is creepy or weird or unnecessary cat sex which is not what you're being asked to have cat sex when you read about it sounds terrible looking at cats dot com cat sex is violence swift and does not appear to be pleasurable at least for the female
cats we're called queens going to heat is stick their asses in the air around available males called toms and a male will mount the female cat sink his teeth into her back and shove his barbed penis into her vagina which scrapes her insights up and the cat the female cat the queen who is just in heat
one barbed penis ago then regrets it and tries to get away but can't because the male cat is on top of her with his teeth in her neck so maybe the love biting with your cat is some vestigal kind of deep sense memory for your cat which is I assume spade of some sort of normal cat sexual behavior
when you're not that off or not maybe it doesn't mean that at all we don't know what it means to your cat but it's not sexual your cat just wants to be held petted and roughed up a little bit let's assume that your cat's friendship with your recently to see
dog and my heart goes out to you the loss of your pet involved a kind of affectionate rough housing that may have gone on when you weren't home to witness it and it is that kind of physical sensation attention that your cat requires right now or maybe your cat just wants more attention right now because your cat is indeed as you've said sad that she's lost her companion playmate your dog so you have your cat that you can't
give your cat that attention and don't sexualize that attention don't make assumptions about what your cat is getting out of it because I don't think what your cat is getting out of it is some BDSM kind of experience or high your cat is just getting a little bit of attention from you the only living thing in her world that exists to pay her any attention and physical affection at all at this moment so
yeah maybe your cats being weird but you don't have to match your cats weirdness by being weird yourself and ascribing to your cat sexual motives where there are none. Good night everybody I am just about to crawl into bed I recorded home in my little podcasting studio sometimes late at night this is one of those nights crawling into bed I'm going to sleep I'm going to sleep well because not to brag I have a Helix sleep mattress
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that you with Helix better sleep starts now we're going to take a quick break from your calls for a new segment we're going to try out a new segment and you say we're going to call elevator pitch and joining us for our first ever elevator pitch Michelle Renee a surrogate partner and professional
cutler which was the job I wanted but Michelle got based in San Diego Michelle welcome to the show thanks for having me Dan you're doing a thing in addition to professional cuddling which to me sounds like a nightmare position I'm glad you have that gig that I don't have that gig I have my gig you have your gig cuddling
strangers I getting off anyway you're doing a thing in addition to surrogate partnering and pro cuddling you have a project that you want to savage love listeners to know about give us the elevator pitch what is it awesome join us this year November 10th through the 16th for the third annual soft cock week
which is an appreciation week for the soft penis where we celebrate educate and normalize erectile differences it's a wonderful week that we hope all of your listeners will come check out erectile differences that sounds like one of those shifts in progressive language like from sex reassignment surgery to gender
and forming care what do you mean by erectile differences opposed to rectile dysfunction yeah so of course a rectile dysfunction or ED could be a medical problem we always want you to go get checked out by your doctor if you're noticing a change in your sense but here's the thing there's a lot of really gratifying sex to be had that's not erect penis focused right so we might say we're queering everyone sex I don't know we're taking away the idea that you have to have a certain kind of
direction to enjoy sex I'm all for that I've been extolling the virtues for years of outer course and also taking dick off the menu which for some guys who have ED can really take the pressure off and a guy who couldn't get an erection because he needed one at that moment for penetration when the focus shifts to kind of lingus or something else is suddenly rock hard because they don't have performance anxiety because the performance
was demanded or expected in that moment of them anymore but it must be more than just like taking the pressure off the deck taking the focus off the deck what what else is soft cock we trying to accomplish well we want to say that there are there's different ways to treat erectile dysfunction outside the medical model so we have 15 over 15 hours of recorded programming that week that is going to talk to penis owners that have erectile issues but also professionals that work
outside the regular medical model that might help you either correct the situation or be okay with what's showing up right we all deserve to have sexual pleasure in our lives and we need to have a more expanded view of what that could look like so is there a softcock pride flag yet when is that going to happen I don't know we've picked our colors yet but we have a great logo we have a great
logo you've got to check out it's a it's a relaxed rooster in hammock it's it's perfect it's wonderful think about it most penises are our soft 90% of the time we walk around we I don't have a penis but penis owners walk around with a relaxed penis most of the time now most peon it's not like soft cocks never get any love when you go to the Louvre you go to the
museum and you see a lot of classical art not a lot of erections on those issues there's soft cocks marble soft cocks but soft yeah the portrayal of soft cocks in rock hard marble yeah there was something I think back in the day where that was more regal to be seen soft which I think would be awesome to bring back which reminds me we're going to have soft
cock erotica as an open mic as part of our events this year yeah yeah what are the events so how do you celebrate soft cocks yeah I assume there's not a parade what is there we have lots of offerings we have the 15 hours of recorded content that is really varied including king noir and jet jet setting jasmine are coming into talk about soft cock on porn sets which I think is probably my most anticipated for myself recording I have a great hostess that has
set up all these fantastic recordings she's also going to be hosting a soft place to land which will be like a daily office hours kind of space where people can come in and talk about their experiences have someone listen and and and just have community space every day and and then there'll be a this open mic event that I just mentioned where people can come in and in let's celebrate the eroticism of a soft penis I'm so excited for this what is the eroticism of the soft penis so many
people attach importance to the erection as a signifier of a rousal and desire even the person in the room who may not have the penis will read into the penis being erect a confirmation of their attractiveness and will attach a lot of importance to the ability of the penis have her or have hers in the room's ability to get hard so how do you how do you
do you want to be a decenter that how does somebody with a soft cock effectively communicate to somebody who is hoping for an expecting interaction that them showing up with that soft dick is also affirming of their attractiveness and desirability well that's a reprogramming that we have to do a society right to quit having that internal feeling as a woman that something is wrong with me if my partner isn't hard
I look at a soft penis because I don't have that story going on in my head as approachable there's something really it draws me to it in my cohost Eric Illinois she likes to say I like to greet every penis I come in in front of and say thank you it's so lovely to be here with you and she says so often they actually respond the penis response to that right but I want my partners to know I'm sorry if the penises are talking to your friend I think your friend might have a problem besides the soft
you know that little movement they do you know they twitch they do respond to being talk to like your plants probably respond to talk to science say that that is true right I think maybe sciences but if we can bring levity into the bedroom right if we can take that pressure off if if sometimes it's it's learning how to talk about with your new partner hey sometimes when I show up for sex the first time my penis doesn't show up the way that I want it to I want you to know it has nothing
to do with you right how do we get ahead of this how do we normalize it how do we get comfortable talking about it what we the flip side of this be for vagina havers dry pussy week is not a thing I don't think no but do we all know about responsive
desire this idea that I don't get spontaneously turned on it's kind of the same idea is that I go into a I'm a responsive desire person like going to sex and I have to go gosh I hope my desire shows up what if it doesn't there days that I just I'm not I'm not there
like in my head which then connects to my vulva right yeah responsive desire is a really tricky subject because it can you can wind up sounding like you're encouraging usually women most people with responsive desire women to start having sex they may not think they want
to have because it might kick in and then they'll realize they did want to have it or they'll be glad they started because now they want to have it but because that comes so freighted because of the pressure on women to meet male usually men's expectations and
and serve men that responsive desire is real and and many people have it and not just women but mostly women but it's a tricky thing to talk about let me let me say this very McCarthy very famous sex therapist talks about in in later in relationships it is
almost always men that stop initiating sex because the erection is not guaranteed and that is the same thing is having to learn about responsive desire they're so used to having spontaneous erections they don't know what to do with it and they're
afraid to show up and have their reaction I show them I think that if softcock we could accomplish is nothing else I think that would be really important because men as they age can be very resistant to how their dicks change how their responsiveness when it comes to desire and arousal changes and I hear from people not always women mostly women whose husbands or boyfriends are like they've been together 10 20 years they're initiating a lot less and I think this is an under sort of reported or
under discussed reason why men might initiate last because they have this anxiety around whether or not they're going to be able to show up with the erection that 10 years ago was reliable or 20 years ago was reliable and always there and it only takes one or two times your partner has a meltdown and freaks out and it's like you don't you're not attracted to me anymore otherwise you would be hard now like you always were before for a guy to get really gun shy.
Yeah, self-conscious for sure absolutely and and you know this has been a this is the third year I think last year I talked about that responsive desire education almost in every podcast episode we did seven podcast episodes last year for the week just talking about softcock and I think I mentioned it every episode.
Okay, softcock week finally people are paying attention to dick we haven't been paying enough attention to dick around here in our culture really happy to hear about softcock week softcock week dot com when does softcock week kick off this year. Yeah, we kick off Sunday November 10th you can find us at softcock week dot com sign up for newsletter because our program is going to be launching with all of our great 15 hours of great listening.
Michelle Renee surrogate partner professional codler I'm going to have you back on some time when we got a call about professional cuddling or cuddling. Thank you so much for coming on the show and giving us your elevator pitch for softcock week. Thanks Dan. This episode is brought to you by talk space. Did you know that November is men's health awareness month. Bella's you can prioritize your health by prioritizing your mental health with talk space talk space is affordable.
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Hi Dan and see can we get rid of the phrase fuck the shit out of I'm a big fan of anal sex as a top and I don't like pooping my sex sure that happens but most of us don't consider that desirable I don't want to fuck this shit out of someone I want their shit either safely inside them or in the sewer system camping and composting toilets aside even fuck the piss out of seems more attractive while maintaining a bit of that subversive over the top and oh so more so than fucking the
calm out of which in most instances is what we're usually hoping for I'm a head guy I'm quite happy when my partner squirts while I'm pounding their ass but that wouldn't apply to folks with penises and those with the giants who don't score so let's go with piss unless someone has a better idea no more poop please.
It's a figure of speech like the shit out of somebody it's not invoking literal shit being fucked out of the person that you're fucking it's just an expression just in the same way when you talk about running into a friend on the street you to shoot the shit you're not talking about exercising your second amendment rights all over a third you call somebody a shit had you don't mean they have pooped for a cranium if you call somebody
shit face you don't mean that they have literal shit on their face you mean that they're drunk or fucked up but if it really bothers you you can tell the people that you are fucking the hell out of or fucking the fuck out of that you don't want them to say fucking the shit out of but you can't control or stop other people from using this very common expression this this idiom that's in wide circulation is not going anywhere
and so rather than attempt to edit the speech of all other people on the planet who might be using this expression at some time in their lives but never in front of you or with you instead of worrying about what other people are saying just control what you can control which is what you say what you do and if you're ever with somebody who says I want you to fuck this shit out of you you go I yeah no no no
just like some gay men when like the younger gay man says I want you to fuck my cont or pussy will say I yeah yeah let's just call your butt let's call it your ass that works for me but look like I go on your pussy doesn't work for me you have to say this doesn't work for me but come on we use the expression I'm gonna fuck your brains out just about as often as we use the expression I'm gonna fuck the shit out of
you and nobody expects or really even pictures gray matter splattered all over the bedsheets after they fucked the brains out of somebody so you don't have to go there this is a you problem when somebody says
I got the shit fucked out of me that you imagine or go to feces that's a you problem so whatever party your brain when somebody says I want you to fuck my brains out isn't thinking head wound or headshot or major trauma or gray matter all over the bed spread that party or brain can do the same two
step when somebody says fuck the shit out of me or you hear somebody use that expression you don't have to picture poop hi Dan this is a sister female dominant and I have a sub who lives overseas right now we haven't had a chance to play in person but we've been sexting heavily and I've run out of things for him to do we're both kind of new at this I mean I have some experience he's brand new so I am wondering if there are any good resources either books are on the net for tasks I can set
him that he can do while he is at home at night and we're texting for example one of the things I have made him do is go out and buy a pair of panties he's really into specification and humiliation so I've made him by panties wear them and take pictures and send them to me that's worked well
he's liked that a lot but he's ready for something a little bit more high level so I told him to go and buy a butt plug and he's never used one before so I'm trying to think of tasks that I could get him to do with a butt plug and again he's new at this and I don't have a lot of good ideas so I'm wondering if there's any way you could kind of help me with this give me some tips I'm doing some net searching but nothing's
really good coming up most of it seems to be for male doms and sub women and that's not the case here I'm not aware of any books specifically of tasks for subs and doms sub relationships particularly long distance doms sub relationships but if you're looking for tasks things that you can get
him to do with a butt plug you tell him to put it in you could tell him to leave it in you could tell him to carry it around in his backpack or briefcase and when he gets a message from you he has to drop everything and go put it in whether he said work or the gym or on the subway you can do all those same things with a lot of cash order him to lock it on his dick some cock cages have locks that can be operated over the
internet test have shown that those internet enabled cock cages the locks on them are easily hacked so there's some risk Russian hackers will seize control of your subs cock and I don't think it's too great a risk most cock cages like most doms sub relationships kind of operate on the honor system you can in an emergency get them off you can in an emergency usually cut the flimsy even if they're little
steel padlocks you can cut those flimsy padlocks off pretty easily look you're in a dom sub relationship from afar with someone you've never met your control over him right now is purely psychological you can exercise your control to the extent he's willing to cooperate so for now I think particularly early stages of DS relationships a new DS relationship a new DS experience for both of you you want to keep those
tasks which are really asks small reasonable and doable like he can only masturbate with your permission which you don't always grant again it's the honor system but all DS relationships are the honor system when the sub is out of the doms site you could also face time when they want to know while you can make him kneel in a corner with his butt plug in and point the computer at himself at that corner before he goes and kneels in it and then he has to stay there and he doesn't know if you're
watching him or not and he has to stay there butt plug in butt plug facing the camera until you tell him that he can get up there's lots of ways to play from afar there's anybody out there listening who has some suggestions for this caller go ahead and drop them into the comment thread on the website savage dot love on the comment thread for this specific show and we will make sure that they get to this caller but your ask caller are their books with lists of tasks specifically for subs
and DS relationships who are on different continents I don't think anybody has written that book yet but if you two continue to explore and you have a really good time and you figure out what works for him
maybe you could write that book time for listener feedback first up some of the comments left on last week show in the very lively comment threads at savage dot love says cam fox about the discussion recently of straight identified men who are into dicks but not dudes I'm late to this discussion
but as a trans man on scruff they're absolutely are gay men who are specifically into pussy but not into women and they don't appear to be rare the ones I've met only developed their thing for pussy after incidentally hooking up with a trans man in a gave it a try found out that I prefer it way about the man living in the woods with his fiancee and a poly relationship who is currently housing a hot Italian laborers working on their house with them who hooked up with his fiancee says inspired
desires I'm going to gently disagree with Dan on the advice to the poly caller who feels betrayed I see this happen a lot with newly poly relationships the attempt to build security by rules and gatekeeping and trying to run your partner's relationships through you it almost never works it is controlling and gives so many chances for people to feel betrayed and add stress I agree with you inspired desires I think that was the gist of my advice to that caller was basically your advice says happy
hubby also about the same call I agree with Dan's response and I'll add our experience we also participate in ethical non monogamy specifically hot wiping we spent years discussing it before our first experience we initially set all kinds of rules and boundaries but knowing we would likely encounter
something in a steamy moment we didn't anticipate we agreed to pre-forgive minor lapses if something during the encounter rubbed us the wrong way we discuss it the next day knowing we had a little extra latitude and didn't have to be so vigilant in the moment took the pressure off and
seven years later we're still having exciting adventures and lots of fun I like the concept of pre-forgiveness thank you for sharing and not just for open or poly relationships and not just for sex but like ggg it seems to me a concept that could be abused or weaponized by bad actors
which of course ggg has been sometimes to pressure people into doing things they don't really ever want to do or try but if you're with someone who's not an asshole isn't manipulative embracing pre-forgiveness won't eliminate conflict happy hubby his wife still had to discuss things that rub away the next day but it could make that conflict less corrosive and striking a balance between letting some small things go during the encounter and making sure everyone is empowered to call for a pause
and a reset during an encounter that really isn't working for them that seems like a recipe for successful encounters for successful opener poly adventures for more listener feedback and to try your hand at giving some advice yourself be sure to check out struggle session every Thursday where I respond to listener and reader comments and post a letter that isn't going to make it into savage love the column and let you my readers my listeners give the advice yourselves and now everyone's
favorite part of the show the part where I shot my big game out and let listeners get the last word. This isn't response to the caller whose partner slept with someone else before getting permission and broke their agreement I agree with what Dan said but one thing I wanted to point out is I think that this caller needs to sit down with himself and with his girlfriend and figure out some
other ways that he can feel safe and secure in the relationship it seems like his safety and security is dependent on things that are ultimately outside of his control like the speed and pace of what his partner is doing with someone when and where when really the safety
and security needs to be driven by things within his control within his own relationship so things that him and his partner can do for and with each other to help strengthen that sense that he's looking for I would also suggest that this caller work on developing more tools for his
toolkit to help regulate his own nervous system while his partner can provide some support some validation and some reassurance he's really got to figure out and address why his nervous system is responding this way and then figure out some ways to soothe it when it's happening and not put that burden on his partner especially because he says he wants to be supportive and she doesn't experience his connections very often.
I'm calling with a response for the guy who was taking pictures of people in the street and then someone got mad. Yeah of course they fucking got mad. Why would you do that? I think Dan's response was good but also lacked the perspective of when this happens to women. They used to happen to me all the time when I lived in the city and it's so awful it's a bad feeling. It's never like a photographer doing this it's not someone who's trying to capture the beauty of New York City.
It's a creep and women end up on porn sites all the time without knowing because creeps, photograph them or video them without their consent. People lose jobs over that. I don't know it's fucked up on a lot of levels not just that you think women are placed in your life so that you can look at them rather than people who are like on their way to work or with their kids or whatever people are doing when you think that you're entitled to
graphing them working in the example that this person gave. No I do not want to be photographed in my place of work without my consent obviously. Also I happen to have really big boobs and I can't always put them away. Brawls are shitty and they don't perfectly package them up and I'm not wearing them for you to look at. I'm not wearing them out so that you can photograph them. I'm just doing my best to exist in the body that I have.
It's not my fault that I have boobs. They're not inherently sexual. In fact, you are sexualizing them. Don't take pictures of them obviously. Well, at the fuck don't do that to other people. Take pictures of people who consented to that because it's what they want. I'm not going to be a fan of sexual women from Seattle responding to the caller from episode 939 about if there's a stereotype of gay police in middle of high school.
I personally dealt with that a lot from within. When I came out in high school originally as lesbian and later realized I was pansexual. All the same girls that I was making out with and scissorsing and fingering in middle school. All were Christian girls that later totally banished me from hanging out with them or being near them when I came out and saw all these crazy rumors about me. So that's totally a thing and not just gay men,
those gay women. Yeah, they definitely loved it when I was visiting the shit out of them and we would make out all the time and do so much gay shit. They were who made me realize I was gay and those same girls put me on their prayer list, that their church is crazy, crazy shit. And we're going to leave it there. Got a burning question you need answered. Got
something to say about something I said. You can record your question or your comment on our website at savage.love slash ask damn where you can make a voice memo on your very own phone and email it to us at q at savage.love or you can call our landline. Yes, our landline. And leave us a message of 206 302 2064. Hump 2024 Part 2 plays in Austin screens in Austin, Texas this weekend for tickets to that Hump screening or to get a streaming pass to watch Hump at home.
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