Savage Lovecast Episode 925 - podcast episode cover

Savage Lovecast Episode 925

Jul 23, 202452 minEp. 925
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Episode description

A woman with the best intentions wants to secretly hire a sex worker for her depressed, newly divorced friend. Any downsides here? Speaking of divorce, Dan gives a long pep-talk to a man struggling with how to get over his.  On the Magnum, Dan chats with Dr. Sara Glass, author of the fantastic memoir "Kissing Girls on Shabbat." Dr. Glass was raised in a hyper- religious Hasidic Jewish community. She later came out as queer and completely changed her life. Dan and Dr. Glass had a raw, heart-felt conversation talking about the zap religion can put on a child's head, and how coming out is difficult but so worthwhile.  And, a 16 year-old boy is eager to get into the pup lifestyle/community. But he can't join most of these spaces because of his age. What can he do besides wait and howl at the moon?  [email protected]    206-302-2064 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. They make it easy to build a website or blog. Give it a whirl at Squarespace.com/Savage and if you want to buy it, use the code Savage for a 10% off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. For the month of May, Helix is offering up to 30% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows! Go to HelixSleep.com/Savage. With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Transcript

You're listening to the micro version of The Savage Lovecast at Savage.love. This is CNN breaking news. And the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as president for the remainder of my term. He goes on to say that he will speak to the nation later this week in more detail about his decision. The takeaway for me, besides I'm with her now, is that I got to start doing emergency podcasts.

All the big politics podcasts I listen to, Slate political gap best, the bullwork, the powers that be, the rest is politics. Somebody's got to win. They've all started doing emergency podcasts when big political news breaks, which seems to happen on a daily basis now. Somebody's got to win the presidential horse race podcast hosted by Puck, senior political correspondent Tara Palmeri. Just somebody's got to win.

It's done seven or eight emergency podcasts in just the last week, including while Tara was on vacation. First, I want to say thank you, Tara, for your service. Second, you know what, I want to get in on this emergency podcast game. I don't want to do an emergency podcast about politics though when big news breaks. There are plenty of podcasters out there doing that already. Obviously.

So when big political news breaks and all the news and politics podcasts are tossing up their emergency podcasts about the big breaking political news, you know what I want to do?

An emergency podcast responding to a question from someone who was having sex at that moment during that political breaking news story, because when these emergency political news podcasts suddenly start filling up our feeds, I think we could all use reminder that politics isn't the only thing people are out there thinking about we're doing.

And a savage love cast sex emergency podcast popping into your feet along with all those other political emergency podcasts. I think that would be a good reminder that life goes on and not everyone is obsessing about politics at every moment. Some people are even out there, even now, even still even during a political crisis. Some people are finding the time to fuck each other's brains out.

When I first heard the news that Biden was withdrawing, which I heard not from CNN, I heard it from my stepmom, who's a lovely person, but not a reliable news source, so I immediately opened Twitter, for some habit I'm trying to break. And I got confirmation from the world's most trusted name in news. I'm referring of course to Liza Manelli outlives, which is a Twitter account.

I feel guilty about following because Liza hates it, but I love it. The next two tweets in my feed, the one from Joe Biden announcing his withdrawal and right next to that world historical politically consequential earthquake of a tweet, a tweet from Integir. He's a gay man in Chicago who's into really hardcore bondage. And at the exact same time Biden posted his announcement to Twitter, Integir posted an announcement of his own.

He had a guy locked in his bondage box in his dungeon, locked him in 30 minutes ago, guy wasn't getting out for hours. A bondage box for new listeners is like a sexy coffin. So turns out there was at least one person out there on Sunday. We didn't hear the news. I mean, we like to say the news was everywhere. This news was everywhere, but it wasn't in that bondage box in that dungeon in Chicago.

Like those people who were away camping at 9.11 and returned to a changed world or the people who left on a month long silent retreat at the beginning of March in 2020 and returned to a world changed by the COVID pandemic shutdown. That guy in that box was going to emerge into a changed world at some point. One of the reasons sexy coffins are sexy is because you do get to get out of them eventually.

And Integir, he knew his victim, his willing and visibly delighted victim would be confronted with this news when he eventually got out of that box. He has no idea what think pieces await him Integir tweeted along with the photos. My first thought when I saw these photos in Integir's feed wasn't, I hope that dude's not claustrophobic or I want to be locked in a bondage box myself until November 6 is that logistically feasible.

My first thought was if I had an emergency podcast like everybody else these days, Integir could have called me and I could have helped him brainstorm ways to break the news to the guy in his sexy coffin, which he would have to do carefully. Subdrop is a thing and people can that they're emerging from bondage or subspace be very emotionally vulnerable. And Integir was going to have to do this carefully as I'm sure Integir did.

Look, I'm not making any promises here, but the next time there's big news, the kind of big news that crowds your feed with emergency shows from politics podcasters if you're fucking or about to fuck. If you're having kinky sex or vanilla sex and you have a question in that moment, give me a call.

And I'll see if I can't get it up get that emergency podcast up and land something in everyone's feed that day that's fun and sexy and not make you wait till Tuesday for your next fix of my listeners crazy sex problems and my crazy sex solutions. And yes, perverts, I will post a link to Integir's tweets from the weekend in our show notes. They are not safe for work and they are not safe for claustrophobes, click at your own risk.

All right, coming up today on the Magnum, I think you will love the conversation that I have with Dr. Sarah Glass. She is the author of a fantastic new memoir kissing girls on Shabbat, Dr. Glass. She's a therapist who has raised in a hyper-religious, acidic Jewish community. She later accepted she was queer and once she accepted that, she blew up her life to free herself. Dr. Glass is an inspiration, her story is an inspiration and her memoir again, kissing girls on Shabbat is deeply moving.

That's on the Magnum. You can try the Magnum version of the show for just eight bucks that will give you access to the entire archive of all those Magnum Savage love casts and so much more going back to 2006. When we made our very first episode, if you like it, you can subscribe for longer and support the show. If you don't like it, you don't have to keep subscribing, but we would love it if you kept listening to the mic.

Oh, and Magnum subs. Our next Savage Love Live is scheduled for August 1st at a new time, 2pm Pacific 5pm Eastern. So if you're on the East Coast, you can join us for Happy Hour. If you're on the West Coast, you can join us for tea. If you're in Europe, you can join us at bedtime. Savage Love Live is a special bonus show. We do exclusively for our Magnum subs. If you are already a Magnum sub, watch for the invite in your email on August 1st in the morning.

And if you would like to become a Magnum sub again, you can do that right now at savage.love slash subscribe. All right, let's get to your questions. This episode of The Love Cast is brought to you by the good folks at Squarespace. They make it easy to build a beautiful website blog or online store. Head on over to squarespace.com slash savage for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Savage to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep, the very best mattress designed with your comfort in mind. Get up to 30% off a mattress purchase plus two free pillows at helixleap.com slash savage. Hi, Dan. I'm a woman in the Midwest in my late 30s. And a lot of our friends are experiencing separations and divorces. We have a friend who is just completed a divorce and has been like wildly depressed. I am wanting him to get back out there and I think that meeting somebody new, of course,

has to be on his time frame could bring some energy back in. I don't know. He's been depressed for a long time. So sex is good and endorphins and connection and touch and all those things. And wondering if it's unethical to pay a worker, but not tell your friend. Have a woman like hit on your friend, but I don't know. A gift really, you know, you're welcome, but I don't know. I haven't really considered this. And initially my thought is, but what are your thoughts? What do I think? It depends.

What I think depends on what your friend knows and you don't mention what your friend knows about this or would know about this. If you're going to hire a sex worker for your friend and your friend knows and is down and excited about this, great. That's a gift. Wonderful.

Thank you. You're welcome. You should do that for your friend and you should tell your friend before he meets up with the sex worker that you hired for him to take a fucking bath and floss his fucking teeth and use deodorant and that he should tip this woman well since you're picking up the tab. But if your friend doesn't know, if what you're contemplating is hiring a woman, basically a sex worker to catfish your friend, but catfish your friend and fuck your friend too,

no, that could really backfire. What if your friend after this woman hits on him is really excited, not just about getting to fuck this woman that one time, but he thinks this one is interested in him romantically and that's what pulls him out of his depression. And he wants to see her again.

How long can you sustain the ruse? How long you prepared to sustain the ruse? If some woman appears out of the mist and hits on your friend and fucks your friend and he's excited about her and it builds him with joy and he wants to see her again and then she disaffuckin peers. That could throw your friend back into his depressed state. He could get feel more depressed after that experience, not less depressed after that experience.

So it depends. It depends on the thing, the most important thing and you don't mention this thing in your call. Does he know about this plan? How does he feel about this plan? If he's sad about his divorce and he feels rejected or unloved is being with someone who's having to be paid for her time, paid to fuck him, is that going to make him feel better about himself or is that going to make him feel worse about himself? A lot of people that would make them feel worse about themselves

at that moment. I'm so unlovable and so unfocable that the only person who'll fuck me and pretend to like me for five minutes as somebody who's being paid to fuck me and pretend to like me. You could see how someone in a depressed state could negatively spin that experience in such a way that it leaves them even if they went and did it because they were dickful thinking about it or horny and desperate. It could leave them

worse off emotionally afterwards. So you know your friend. I don't know your friend. You know what your friend knows about this plan. I don't know what your friend knows about this plan. If he felt like it was a good and fun idea and being with a sex worker was a kind of sexual adventure that he'd like to have at some point in his life and he's up for it and grateful. Do it. You haven't discussed it with him and you're worried that discussing it with him might

do harm might make him feel worse. Well, then you have your answer right there. You should not fucking do this. I'd done. I have been married for five years to my husband and I'm finding it really, really difficult to navigate the relationship between him and my family. So we got married in quite a rush after only six months of dating because otherwise he would have had to leave the country to subset some of my family or at least bother them that they

couldn't really be involved because we essentially alope. And ever since then he's just felt less and less of a sense of welcome from them. He's had particularly difficult relationship with my brother who's just not a very easy person to get on with in general anyway. And he's also had some major arguments with my dad who has said some very insensitive things to him.

A big part of the problem is that our family in general is pretty dysfunctional. I was the youngest and I was finding it difficult to stand up to everyone else in the family and basically my child was all of them fighting and me trying to be the peacemaker. So now I kind of find myself in that role again in a way but my husband sees that as and he's right often that that ends up effectively being me not supporting him or standing up for him and there have

been a couple of times where you know something has happened like for example my last year my father says something very insensitive about my husband's that having lost his father and I just I didn't call it out and my family think that he's too sensitive and he thinks they're all awful people that doesn't really want that relation but the truth is somewhere in between and I don't know how to stop getting caught in the middle. So your brother is by your estimation an asshole and your dad

has said hurtful cruel things to your husband about his late father. I don't know how your father thought that he needed to say absolutely anything at all to your husband about his dead dad besides I'm sorry for your loss and you just grab your family as dysfunctional and unpleasant.

So I'm going to side with your husband here don't inflict your fucking shitty dysfunctional family on your husband when you can avoid it your husband needs to give you a little bit of I don't want to say credit just a little bit of of room for these existing dynamics that make it

hard for you to speak up in the moment hard for you to come to his defense in the moment because there is this pattern whereas the youngest you have been the peacemaker which you know is a role that sometimes falls on a member of a family whether the youngest member of the family or

the oldest member of the family or a middle child there's often somebody who had a crazy dysfunctional emotionally abusive loud argumentative family somebody who plays that role and you have played that role that groove has been carved into you over time and it's hard for you to jump

out of it your husband should be able to wrap his head around that and even if you're incapable in the moment of coming to his defense which you will have to do less often if they are not with your husband if you're not inflicting them on your husband as often as it sounds like you

might be but you come to his defense eventually and you side with him and you circle back to your fucking asshole father and say that was not okay your husband should be able to accept that grudgingly not delightedly but like okay you said something to your dad not in the moment when I needed you

to or would have preferred you to but you did say something to your dad eventually but if your family is as awful and dysfunctional as you make them sound his functional family family of origin is optional family husbands spouses that's a choice that's your chosen family I always credit

Armistead Moutin who wrote tells of the city that there is your biological family and there is your logical family when we're lucky our biological family is also part of our logical family but that is not always the case sometimes our logical family are people that we're not assigned to us

at birth to borrow a phrase but people who we've found in the world that we've hide with our tribe our people we pull them into our life and we create our own family for ourselves and when you marry someone what you're saying to them is you are the most important person in my logical chosen family

and I'm going to prioritize you and this relationship over all others and so you need to do that and sometimes what that looks like is you might run home at Christmas to see the family and your husband can go with you if he wants to if he can stand it but if he doesn't want to he

doesn't have to and if he doesn't and your family has a problem with that you can tell them it's their fucking fault that he doesn't want to hang out with them and the original sin of this relationship that you alope you need to say to your family that was it you stop projecting your

anger on me aloping with my then boyfriend now husband onto him I chose that and it sounds like you might have chosen it because you didn't want to have a big wedding where your family was involved because when your family is involved shit goes south because they are fucking assholes

and you can risk saying that to them you're an adult and when you say that to them if they have a problem with it and they're angry at you and they don't want to see you or every time they do see you they want to argue with you about this and punish you for it you don't have to show up to get

punched in the face you really don't you don't have to show up for your family to be abused by your family of origin by your biological family you can choose your logical family over your biological family and your husband who is a human being and I'm sure not completely blameless

in all things he is your chosen family he is your logical family and you need to fucking choose him over your as you describe him asshole brother and as you described him asshole father stop inflicting them on him and half of your problem is solved this episode is brought to you

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my wife divorcing me. Unfortunately there's no hurdle hurdles like in the Olympics those people running in circles and jumping over those things there's no hurdle you can just toss yourself over to get over being divorced by a spouse that you didn't want to be rid of it just takes time.

I remember when my dad left my mom and my mom didn't particularly want to be left by my dad at that time there were only bad days and then there were only bad days but there would be a good moment or two in a bad day and then at some point we just realized well we hadn't had a bad day in a while there'd been nothing but good days and yeah it took time it takes effort to you can't just sit there and wallow talk to your friends find camaraderie with other men who are going through

what you're going through right now in there out there. Carl Don is a gay man who wrote a book called How to Burn a Rainbow a memoir about his divorce it's mostly or it focuses on the particular feelings conflicts and beguities of what it means to be among the first wave of gay male couples who could legally marry getting divorced but he also writes very movingly about his relationships with straight men and straight men who like him were going through or had just gone through a divorce

and he writes about this kind of fellowship among men who have been left. Historicly by their wives but in his case by his husband and how he connected with these straights I think you should pick up and read How to Burn a Rainbow by Carl Don I think it might help you put things in perspective but you'll also see all of the things that Carl did

not to throw himself over a hurdle and instantly in that moment get over the divorce but everything he went through emotionally but also everything he did to move forward to clear many many many hurdles to get to the point not at the end of the race but a point further down the track where

he wasn't so devastated by the end of his marriage anymore and had built for himself a life that was rewarding not compensation rewarding a life he wouldn't have now if it weren't for the divorce so eat a lot of ice cream, swallow, get a couple of friends around you that you say

you're gonna have to listen to me bitch and moan and complain and wallow in self pity but set a period of time a month or two where they're allowed to say to you knock at the fuck off let's talk about something else let's go do something else let's go to the movies let's go to the gym let's

go white water wrapping let's go do something else and take your mind off it and as we discussed on the show about rebound relationships they work there's research that shows that people who forced themselves to go out there and date and maybe start having sex with other people before

they felt 100% ready to do that actually healed faster got over it faster that old adage the fastest way to get over somebody is by getting under somebody else turns out to be true my heart goes out to you I know how devastating it is to be left to be served with divorce papers

as I assume you have been served with divorce papers I watched it happen to my mom and then a decade later my mom was happier than she had ever been happy in a way that she couldn't have been if my father hadn't left her hopefully I wish that for you that there's a point two years from

now five years from now where you realize the life you have now is so rich and rewarding that you're happy my heart goes out to you time heals all wounds and rebound relationships they help have some this episode is brought to you by helix sleep makers of the best mattresses that's

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dear dan nancy and the tech savvy at risk youth i'm a cisgender gay man with a bit of a come fetish and i love bottom-eating getting bread often by more than one top when i play whether it's a group scene or lining up tops back to back i love getting filled with multiple

loads and i am finding more and more tops these days who are into fucking my come filled hole it's great to account for the increased risk of bear back sex with multiple partners i use doxypep for sti prevention and it has been quite effective despite getting gonorrhea once in the last year

and we know doxypep is less effective against gonorrhea than climadiracifilus considering the number of men who have ejaculated inside me only contracting one sti is a really great result doxypep instruction state it should be taken ideally within 24 hours of sexual activity but up to

72 hours later and for tops it seems logical to take it as soon as possible after sex since that's when the potential sti transmission happens my question is as a bottom who gets bread and filled with come when is the best time to take doxypep there are mornings i wake up after a night of

fucking and i notice there's still come in my ass if i took doxypep before going to bed the night before is it still protecting me against the calm that remains inside me the morning after would taking doxypep later rather than sooner maximize its effectiveness since more calm will

kind of come out of my hole the next day or should i consider taking doxypep two days in a row or do the results speak for themselves and my current usage of taking doxypep usually within 24 hours is that good enough since it seems to have been working over the last year and a half or so

y'all can't see me but i am writhing here in my seat i don't think i will ever get over the ptsd i experience when i talk to post prep post protease inhibitors now post doxypep gay men gay men in their 30s late 20s who grew up in a world with prep grew up in a world where

contracting hiv was a condition but not a death sentence who like you call enjoy taking multiple loads me i associate a drop of semen getting anywhere near your ass hall with a gruesome protracted an early death and i know i know my head understands intellectually

i understand that in a world with prep protease inhibitors and doxypep that isn't true anymore in the world is safe for come dumps in a way the world wasn't safe for come dumps in my 20s and 30s that said i don't want to yuck your yum but i want to acknowledge that sometimes like gay men

over the age of 35 40 here younger gay men talking this way about their sex lives about having come fetishes having 12 loads in their ass from 12 different men and it just yeah makes us tense i just want to acknowledge that and then i want to answer your question you're doing

everything right there is no secret instructions on dosage or timing written in lemon juice on the box that your doxypep came in that you need to hold a candle up to to read you take doxypep within 24 hours ideally up to 72 hours after exposure they say you should think of doxypep as the

morning after pill for STI's as opposed to the morning after pill for unclen pregnancies and it is very effective in protecting particularly against chlamydia and syphilis transmission or taking up less so against gonorrhea according to a paper presented at the AIDS conference in 2022

for men who are negative and on prep risk reduction with use of doxypep for other STI's prep of course protects against HIV infection 88% risk reduction for chlamydia 87% risk reduction for syphilis only 50% risk reduction for gonorrhea and in all those cases chlamydia syphilis gonorrhea

almost as effective for men who are already HIV positive but not quite as effective so yeah if you're getting pump full of multiple loads multiple times a week and in a year's time of using doxypep as directed you've only contracted one STI I would say that doxypep is pretty effective

and you should keep screwing what you're screwing you should keep doing what you're doing and taking doxy as directed by your physician and on the box it came in and yeah give you a call back sometime let me know how it's going and you could make me squirm in my seat some more just like all

those little spermies are squirming in your seat right now hi Dan I'm a 50-ish straight cis woman since the housing market is on many people's minds this question has to do with cohabitation and sex I recently saw a movie called Donna Flore and her two husbands it's based on a book by

Brazilian writer Jorge Amado is it great story of a story of a woman who has two husbands during the course of her life who are polar opposite her first love provides her with great amazing sex and not much else because she's an irresponsible gambler who feels for money

her second husband is educated and responsible he gives her a great life with friends in a beautiful house but the sex is somewhat boring I feel like this is the story of my life every time I always his flip-flop between these two types my first husband was very stable and we had a great house

I was a model homemaker but it became boring and we eventually grew apart my latest boyfriend is the opposite he brings constant chaos his house is messy so I can't live there he's insecure and childish and always needing attention but the sex is pretty great do I have some fetish around

chaotic individuals with no boundaries am I doomed to never again cohabitate with a man and his life really just a choice between great sex with unstable people or steppered wife suburban perfection you sometimes hear people tossing around this I don't even know if it's true

maybe I'm repeating some bad Chinese character tattoo off somebody's back and it's just a urban legend that this is actually a saying in China but it's kind of a curse and the curse is sounds like you're wishing someone well but what you say to them is may you live in interesting

times because if it's an interesting time it's usually a chaotic dangerous time right now it feels like we're all living in interesting times I think it applies also to our relationships you know the relationships that you have with men where you feel safe and respected and safe the sex isn't

as a rousing because there's something about danger or risk or feeling off balance the cortisone the adrenaline humps and yeah there's something about somebody you shouldn't fuck somebody that you're non reptile chunk of your brain is saying what are you doing here and you're wrapped up

praying to saying let me fuck this person please shut up that can be hot I think it's one of the things this dynamic this push pull this Yin Yang between somebody is good and safe for us but the sexism is exciting and somebody who we know is wrong for us but oh my god the sex is amazing

there's something about that all by itself that points to one person can't be all things to another person romantically sexually relationally that there are different kinds of things we need perhaps from different kinds of people at different points in our life and sometimes complicating

matters for most people we need those different kinds of things from different kinds of people concurrently to be content and feel fulfilled so you get people who feel like they can't have these things concurrently they can't have the safe loving partner that they have okay to good

sex with at home and then every once in a while have an adventure with somebody they would never want to share a home with or be in a relationship with where the person or the dynamic is fucked up or toxic but the sex is amazing and have built those things and so what you do is you have people

who go marry safe boring and after a while they've had enough safe boring and good to average sex that you know and if they're monogamous and there's no way of opening a relationship even a crack the only way to have the great tremendous exciting crazy fucked up sex you've had with other people

who aren't you're safe and lovely wonderful comforting partner as to get out of that relationship people will engineer the end of something good something good to slash great but not exciting and and and not something that probably could or should be exciting although I do think

two people in a committed long-term relationship you're the adventure there on at first they're the adventure you're on at first it can get boring if you don't fault each other for the fact that ten years down the road it doesn't feel exciting anymore because you recognize that it was

effortlessly exciting at the beginning because you were strangers to each other you can link arms and then go on adventures together and you can recreate not that excitement from the beginning of the relationship that's gone by Eva but you can recreate or you can create some new excitement

for you to experience and share together as a couple that is something that is possible I have certainly spoken over the years to people who are in safe loving comfortable relationships with good sex and a good connection and a life they don't want to burn to the ground

who because they're open or into hotwifing or swinging or whatever occasionally can run off and have crazy fucked up toxic ish well not toxic sex but sex with people they would never want to be with because they seem dangerous and crazy together and it enhances their relationship and

their connection so long as they're not so insecure that they can't watch their partner get something from someone else that they can't give them without melting down which is a skill set not everyone possesses so anyway an answer to your question yeah yeah you do see people swing like pendulums

between something safe cozy and not that arousing and something ill advised with a person they know they shouldn't be with but there's something about touching that third rail there's something about slamming your dick down on that third rail or your pussy that is irresistible I think to humans and

a part of life and an experience that we all have or have had or want to have and if we have had it there's just this desire at some point before we die to have that again and we can be in denial about it or we can figure out a way to have our safe comforting relationships and our adventures

too hi then I really need your help here 16 year old basis male from Southern California so basically I'm 16 I'm dead and I really have like a hard time finding myself and finding community people who support me and the thing is also that I'm a pup and I have very limited experience in the

puppies like me and I would really love to join a Hudson Handlers group and the thing is that you have to be 18 to join the Hudson Handlers group but I'm 16 and I know that if I say that I'm 16 they won't let me in and I just don't feel like anyone else gets me and I really don't know

what to do like I do have some limited experience should I join and lie about my age should I wait and like I know that I should wait but I can like this is the one thing I've been looking forward to and I am about to my drive a license and I just really want to meet some people who understand me

you should wait I know that's not what you want to hear when you're 16 years old it's not what I wanted to hear when I was 16 years old I was anxious to get out there to meet boys preferably my own age but boys my own age back then weren't out like I was and the boys who were in regarded me as

kind of threat because a lot of the 16 year old closeted boys who were messing around with other 16 year old closeted boys it was all grounded on a kind of mutual assured destruction terror packed where if you talked about me and outed me I would talk about you and out you and neither of us

was ready to do that so we could trust each other to keep the secret I couldn't keep my own secret so the boys who were getting my age in closeted didn't trust me to keep theirs so I feel you I feel you you're gonna have to wait if what you want when you're a young adult when you come of age when

you're 18 and up is to be able to have a community out there have pop and handler organizations have pop and handler events that you can attend going now at 16 and lying about your age or getting your hands on a fake ID it imperils those spaces especially now in this political climate now it

would especially imperil those spaces one photograph gets out of a minor oh my god a minor a 16 year old of a learners permit or a driver's license who snuck into this kinky fetish crazy which is nothing but play so many things but it's not an extreme kinkering extreme fetish but it will

be spun that way and the people who organized it could wind up prosecuted the organization could be shut down or picketed or subjected to a violent attack from a group of roving fucking proud boys that we can't seem to do fucking anything about in this country yeah if what you want is for

there to be a community out there for you to join when you're 18 you don't want to enter that community now when you're 16 in violation of the organization that you hope to be a part of the group that you hope to be included in in violation of their rules which is not to say

that at 16 you can't find people who understand you that you can talk to you're talking to me you can get online there are lots of people on social media sites who are players pop players there are lots of people who are young pop play seems to be a kink a fetish I don't even know an identity

that appeals to a lot of younger gay men and boys some of those boys would be appropriate for you to connect with talk with online or in person you're 16 years old and you're out in your gay do you have a boyfriend are you going to any age appropriate dances events concerts going

to comic con going to cosplay events where you don't have to be 18 or 21 to get in who are you meeting who are you dating seems to me that if you want to be out in gay and out as a pop that the first person you can practice coming out to is some 16 17 year old 18 year old age

appropriate first boyfriend and you can tell him like this is who I am this is something that I'm interested in this is a way that it speaks to me to role play this kind of pop persona and the kind of affection that is a part of the kind of pop handler dynamic receiving affection in that

way really appeals to me and see what your boyfriend says if your boy since that's what the fuck I could never do that are you crazy not the right guy wrong boyfriend but if your boyfriend is ggg has a slightly open mind if your boyfriend has some things on his list that he's interested

in trying maybe you would be great first partners and your boyfriend would be willing to go there for you or you'll have a yacht see moment and your boyfriend is already there you just hadn't come out to each other about it yet sometimes that happens you let your kink cards down on the table and

they do too and they're the same cards that's a wonderful moment but yeah that's how you do it that's how you do it at 16 17 years old you can't and shouldn't lie to meet somebody on Grindr you can't and shouldn't lie to meet somebody or join some organization that you are too young to be a part of

ready in your heart but chronologically technically legally too young master made about it two years those two years they seem 16 18 but the longest two years in your life and then 18 to 21 the longest three years in your life but they fly by they really do and you will have plenty of

time plenty of opportunities and plenty of connections waiting for you out there i rl in real life in this community that's waiting for you ready for you ready to receive you but not yet all right enough of what i think what do you people think about what i think about people's problems

who called me this week listener feedback first up some of the comments left on last week's show in the very lively comment thread at savage.love says pentatonic to the caller who felt jealous and uncomfortable upon seeing the photo of his girlfriend with her fwb just tell her what you

told us tell her that texting about the hookup was really hot and you enjoyed it but that the photo was too much you can have one without the other says happy hubby regarding the caller who's independently wealthy i don't personally have rich people problems but i know some people who do

and the answer is easy he has a pile of money he looks after and likely invests so he can honestly tell his potential dates he is a financial manager his own financial manager once he gets a few dates in he can disclose the details to someone he feels a connection with and finally says kiss cam

i have nowhere else to put this but in the savage.love community i think i'm going to ask out my pro dom on a non pro date i know it's a long shot but i think we have a great connection and get along well outside the sexual realm so figure it's worth trying wish me luck luck kiss cam

and yeah go in there knowing that the odds are long this is the longest of long shots and if you get along great outside the sexual realm it's probably because your pro dom is a service professional who wants to keep her clients happy but isn't necessarily romantically interested in you or any of

other clients that said i have known i can't resist giving you some sex advice here kiss cam that said i have known people who were sex workers who wound up dating clients so shoot your shot but clearly signal to her by explicitly telling her that she can say no to you and then drop

back into the comments next week and give us all an update all right for more listener feedback check out those comment threads and savage dot love there's a lot of talk in the comment thread on last week's show about that independently wealthy collar you want to dive into that discourse

go dive in and for even more of my responses to listener feedback check out struggle session where I respond to listener and reader comments goes up Thursdays at savage dot love exclusively for magnam subs and now not further delay listener response calls thanks to an fear smart words about

anal finger play my own thoughts are that unless you're in exploration with another partner and are communicating well you know just keep the fingers away unless you've also have them up your ass finger play is almost an art shout out to my play buddy b and i don't know anyone who likes a

single digit inserted but something not to understand is that a single finger doesn't really give a singer any time to relax around something so go ahead eat a massage that outer rim that beautiful rose bud and learn good techniques before inserting one or more fingers hi damn i

just listening to the most recent episode where you're having a conversation about face blindness and everything that you described i also experience meeting people over and over again even in a short period of time not recognizing them being that person watching a movie irritating everybody

because i don't know who the fuck anybody is and constantly saying wait but who's that but who's that and not recognizing cars same i also took a face blindness test online once and passed and i feel like there's got to be some reason that in real life we're not recognizing faces but on this

2d test somehow we're able to pass because it is a problem i don't recognize people and like you it takes me many meetings to recognize a lot of people some people never really stick very well at all and i forever rely on secondary cues doolary that they wear glasses voice the way they walk

i have a sister that i don't always recognize my other problem is i see people that i think i recognize and they are not that person yet i pass the face blindness test so i don't know i still tell people all the time when i meet them i'm not going to recognize you again when you see

me just say hey this is me and we met here so i don't think that you have to pass a test to owner understand that you have a lot of trouble recognizing faces and to just tell people that so that they know to expect that you're going to snub them the next time you see them

hey this is a response call for the guy from episode 924 who is independently wealthy and apparently can't find any women who want to be with him because of that and goes snowboarding and mountain biking all the time i know you date women and not guys but if you ever change your mind

call me and we're going to leave it there we've got three great ways for you to get us your questions or comments for future shows you can record your question comment directly on our website at savaged.love slash ask damn or you can make a voice memo when you're very unfound and email us

your question or your comment to cue at savaged.love or you can call our landline and leave us a message like it's 1995 at 206 302 206 4 calling all filmmakers and hey if you've ever made a sexy video on your phone congrats you are so far as hump is concerned a filmmaker we are currently accepting

submissions for hump 2025 entering hump is fun fun making those videos and a lot of people clearly do it's also free to enter and creators of the films that make it into the hump film festival get a cut of every single ticket sold and are eligible for ten thousand dollars in cash

prizes awarded by hump audiences find out everything you need to know about making and submitting a film for hump at humpfilmfest.com just click on submit follow me on instagram and threads at damn savaged follow me at blue sky at damn savage and you can still find me they're really bad and getting worse place at fake dance savage follow dr. Sarah glass on instagram and threads at

dr. dr. dr. Sarah glass and for all things Sarah glass dr. Sarah glass check out her website drsara glass calm the savage love cast has produced every week by Nancy Hurtunian and me and the tech savvy at rescue and Nancy we will all be back at you next week from the installment of savage love cast thank you as ever thank you always thank you so much for doing

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