You're listening to the micro version of The Savage Lovecast at Savage.loaf. Welcome to the TV Show. but true, anti-sex beds have arrived at Paris Olympics. There'll be no love making in the city of love. The story begins, anti-sex beds have arrived in Paris ahead of the 2024 Olympic Games with their materials and small size allegedly aimed at deterring athletes from getting kinky during the competition. As it turns out, that was not news, breaking or otherwise,
is weird, but not true. The organizers of the Paris Olympics are not trying to stop the athletes from doing what athletes are famous for doing at the Olympic Games in the Olympic Village. If the organizers were, they wouldn't have stocked the Olympic Village in Paris with 300,000 condoms
as CBS News reported way back in March. Now, people might be confused or inclined to believe this was true because there was an intimacy ban at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics, which weren't held until the summer of 2021 because of the pandemic, but that ban was put in place to prevent the spread of COVID, not the spreading of cheeks. And even then, the organizers of the Tokyo Olympics made 150,000
condoms available to the athletes. But even if, let's just game out the worst-case scenario here, even if the beds in the Olympic Village in Paris were too flimsy for people to fuck on, regular people, everyday people out of shape easily-winded shrubs have sex every day, standing up,
wearing the shower or on the floor. Even if these beds were designed to prevent people from having sex in them, I don't think a horny Olympic diver would have gotten back to his room with a horny Olympic wrestler and a horny Olympic rower and taken one look at the single bed made from cardboard and then canceled the threesome. No one who gives up that easily gets to the Olympics in the first place. The story that kicked off a thousand memes and social media posts, and even I succumbed,
even I reacted. The story was published in the New York Post. Yeah, the New York Post routinely publishes bullshit and lies for clicks and clout. Let's see their recent story about Joe Biden, allegedly wandering off during a D-Day commemoration event in France last week, like some senile old man, when in reality Biden was actually stepping away from other world leaders, it's right
there in the video to go say a few words to some soldiers who parachute it in. But you don't have to take my word for it when I say that this anti-sex bed, no sex at the Olympic story is bullshit, and you don't have to use the kind of logical inference to prove its bullshit like I just did, because the urban myth busters at snopes there on it, quote, while the beds are indeed small and made a recycled cardboard, the organizers stated goal was to create environmentally friendly furniture
and not to discourage sex among athletes as such we rate this claim as false. That had to be fun for the people at snopes to write. Usually they have to play the kill joys and tell us that some hilarious or fascinating urban myth or legend is bullshit, but here they got to tell us,
yeah, they're going to be fucking at the Paris Olympics. Now this puts me in an awkward position because I wanted to take a moment in this intro to brag about a piece on Tally Amory that was published last week in a major newspaper that just so happened to be the New York host Tally Amory. That is the term I coined for someone who knows their partners cheating and decides for
their own reasons to put up with it and stay in the relationship. Wasn't just written up in the New York Post in the last couple of weeks, also written up in Huff Poe, also written up in the Times of London, which means Tally Amory has jumped the pond and spreading through the Anglo-Sphere. When it comes to neologisms, I still got it. Also writing a lot about Tally Amory lately, dating in relationship coach Marie Thouin, who did a series of posts on her Instagram account. She's at
Love underscore insight underscore dating. I jumped in really enjoyed the lively debate with her followers about the term, especially enjoyed reading the comments from people who said that the term would never catch on in a post that went up the same days. The stories hit the times of
London and the New York Post. There is one thing I wanted to address here at Bell. People were jumping in to say that Tally Amory is another name for cheating and cheating is bad and naming this thing, which is actually the reaction some people have to be cheated on and not cheating itself. People are struggling, turning up blind eyes, saying basically whatever, which is a thing some people do when they find out their partners are cheating on them. That giving this a name, legitimizes
cheating. I disagree. We name cheating. Cheating has all sorts of different names. Infidelity, adultery, unfaithfulness, and we name cheating and give it lots of different names because cheating exists and acknowledging its existence does not necessarily mean we're legitimizing it. By that logic, the phrase ethical non-monogamy, enm, which existed to distinguish consensual non-monogamy from the far more common non-consensual kind, that phrase would have to
be regarded as a legitimizing cheating, which is absurd. Look, saying a bad thing shouldn't have a name because naming it legitimizes it makes about as much sense as saying an elite level athlete shouldn't have a hook up. Things that exist good or bad get named. Kind of like athletes, whose events are over and we're just hanging out in Paris waiting for the closing ceremonies,
get laid. Alright, coming up on today's show on the micro tons of your cues, lots of my A's, and on the magnum and the micro Liz Lens author of this American ex-wife, how I ended my marriage and started my life joins me on this show. We had a great time talking about divorce feminism, weaponized incompetence, and so much more. The first 10 minutes of my conversation with Liz, which I loved is on the micro, the whole thing is on the magnum. And one last thing before
we start the show, it is June, you know what that means? Yes, it's national accordion month. So we are offering my accordion obsessed micro listeners, Lawrence Welk, fans of one and all, a free month of the magnum to celebrate national accordion month. If you sign up now for free, you will get the longer show with more guests, more calls, no ads, you'll get to hear my whole interview with Liz Lens, you'll also get invites to Savage Love Live Zoom Hangouts,
struggle session, and so much more. Our subs get extra content and your subscriptions, help us keep the show going, go to Savage.Love right now and enter Happy June, all one word, all over case for a free month of the magnum. Alright, on with the show. This episode of The Lovecast is brought to you by the good folks at Squarespace. They make it easy to build a beautiful website blog or online store, head on over to squarespace.com slash Savage
for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Savage to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode of The Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Forria, forria crafts 100% all natural sexual wellness products, so you can experience deeper intimacy and transcendent moments of sexual pleasure, solo or with your partner or partners. Get 20% off your first order by visiting forriawellness.com slash Savage. That's f-o-r-i-a-wellness.com forward slash
Savage. Hi Dan, I am a 31 year old cis straight female. I have a lot of baggage around sex and femininity and it's occurring to me for the first time to consider being a dumb. The thing is I don't want the like whipping chains, whatever physical components come with being a dumb. I really just want the feeling emotionally of being in charge of my sexual whims mattering above all else, of not having to be nice or soft or considerate or sensitive, but getting to be my ice bitch queen self
that I feel like I had in here somewhere as a as a young person and I feel like all of my edginess got sanded away probably for the best and a social setting, but like I just have this deep yearning to get to just be the meanest version of myself and just prioritize myself completely in the bedroom and I envision that as a kind of dumb thing, but I haven't heard of that being one. I know I've heard of like humiliation things, but I feel like it's more than that. It's like worship
and some degree of like sanctioned bitchiness. How does one go about becoming a dumb like what is that distinction called? Is it even a distinction or are we just making that up? What are the resources for as a woman safely going into that kind of thing? And I don't even necessarily want to do it for money. I just want to do it to feel good. Everything you want out of a dumb sub relationship
is possible. You can be in a relationship with someone who you can verbally abuse that you can degrade that you can be the ice queen bitch that you want to be again, tap back into that bitchiness that you lost that got sanded off you. You can be with someone who serves you sexually and your orgasms, your pleasure are prioritized. You can even be with somebody who you don't even have to worry about making come who doesn't get to come whose cock is locked up in a cage. But the idea
that you won't have to be considerate, you're going to have to let that go. A dumb sub relationship isn't a negotiation and you're going to have to go out there into the world, present as a dumb a newbie novice dumb and find somebody who your style of domination, what you want to do where you want to go as a dominant is where they want to go as a submissive. And that requires a very
careful negotiation and feeling each other out. And that, yeah, you're going to have to be kind and considerate and thoughtful and ingratiating to a certain extent and solicitous during these negotiations with someone who wants to submit to you, who wants to serve you, maybe not in a whips and chains, dungeons and latex, cat suit, kind of BDSM style, but in an FLR, hashtag FLR, female led relationship style that involves chastity for him or come denial or come control where you decide
if or when he gets to come and maybe months go by without him being able to come. But you're going to have to find that guy who wants to go months and months and months without coming. So I want to encourage you to move out there into the world to ask for what you want, put out there what it is
you want, but you can't impose from the gate exactly what it is you want on some guy. You're going to have to before you step into this role with somebody and ease into it with somebody, you're going to have to negotiate with them, you're going to have to talk with them, you're going to have to
meet them as your equal and figure out if you click and if you vibe and then you'll catch a groove, you'll check in with each other, maybe you'll play, you'll take baby steps and you may in time, you know, after a few months or a year, get up to speed where you don't really have to talk about it anymore, what you carefully negotiated at the beginning as equals and you can just be the
bitchy ice queen dom whenever you're with this person. Yeah, but no, there's no being someone's dominant without taking into consideration their needs, their feelings, what they want out of this relationship, out of this exchange, or you can find somebody who wants everything that you want,
including sanctioned bitchiness, that's what you call it, some degree of sanctioned bitchiness, there's actually an acronym for that in BDSMland VA verbal abuse degradation, humiliation, there are men out there that are into it and some of them may have a script, some of them,
especially if they were paying for it, we'll want to hear certain things, go certain places, but other guys are going to be up for going where it is that you want to go, especially, maybe guys who only paid for it in the past, who scripted everything, who felt like this person
is just going through the motions, hitting the marks that I set for them, getting to be with somebody who has their own agenda as a top and going where you want to go, you're going to be able to write your own ticket, there are going to be plenty of guys out there who want to serve you
in the way that you want to be served, but at least at the outset, at least at the beginning, you're going to have to be soft, you have to be considerate, you're going to have to be kind and solicitous and inquisitive and generous, and then you work your way up to being kind and considerate and generous with that person in the guise of being the bitch that you want to be and the bitch that makes his dick hard to be with. Hi, Dan. How do I make a woman feel more comfortable
with her vagina so that I can perform oral sex on her? She'll perform oral sex on me, but she's uncomfortable with me reciprocating and I feel like I'm short-changing her.
Tell her her pussy is beautiful, over and over and over again. Also, if it really is about appearance, if she doesn't want your eyes open in a brightly lit room, that close to her vagina, close enough that you can eat her vagina, well, turn the fucking lights off, get a blindfold, figure out a time in a place where you can do it where she's less anxious about appearances
or her appearance. Also, there are people out there who just don't like oral sex and oral sex has become so standard, so normative that some people who don't like oral sex feel uncomfortable just copying to that, admitting it. I've heard from men who don't like blow jobs, who make up all sorts of reasons why they don't want to have oral sex performed on them that aren't just admitting that they don't like it because that makes them feel broken or defective. Maybe that's the case with your
partner. Maybe she just doesn't like it, doesn't want to feel like some freak who doesn't like oral sex because everybody likes oral sex, so she's tossing this out there. I think the chance of that, however, is small. Since so many women do have hang-ups issues about the appearance of their genitalia because there's just so much crap in the culture that floats around, crap I once
contributed to and I apologize for that. And so it's entirely possible that she was with men in the past who made her feel bad about her vagina or she just picked up on all that crap that floats around in the culture about women's genitals being dirty and disgusting and ugly and unsightly. And that may be something that she can work through with encouragement and support from you and praise and hearing from you over and over again that you think her vagina is beautiful.
It may be something that she's not able to work through in the time she has left on this earth. And if she never becomes comfortable with it, you don't want her consenting to having you go down on her to get you off her back by letting you get on her pussy like that and white knuckling her way through something that she's not enjoying because you insisted. So tell her, tell her,
you think her vagina is beautiful. Tell her you'd like to do this for her that you would like to reciprocate and that you're ready willing and able to reciprocate whenever she wants and maybe if there's a way like turning off all the lights where she would be more comfortable with you going down on her, you're totally down for going down on her in that way. But if she never comes around, yeah, you're one of the good ones. You're one of the guys who wanted to reciprocate, willing to eat
her pussy. But if she never wants you to go down on her, but she enjoys going down on you or wants to go down on you for your enjoyment letter and then letter off the hook, mention it every once in a while, but don't wage war out of pressure campaign. The Savage Lovecast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform for creators and business owners to
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Squarespace is like your savvy business partner who can take you to the next level. Head on over to Squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Savage and use the offer code Savage to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash Savage and use the offer code Savage. Hi Dan, a friend of mine is exploring a lot of new cames and is really into the idea of
pup play. They love the idea of being a human walker especially because they make most of their living as a professional dog walker and they would love to be able to do this type of sex work professionally but don't really know how to break into that world. My obvious first answer to them was the internet but this person is just like not online. They don't have any
socials. They were not on any app. They don't use that live things like that and ideally would like to stay that way but you know are willing to get on after if that's kind of like the only and or best way of doing this. So I figured that you would probably have some creative answers.
So if I'm following you you have a friend who's a professional dog walker who's gotten it into their head that kink dog walkers can make a lot more money or they could make a lot more money walking people into pup play around then they're making walking people's actual dogs around and that may be true. That may be true. Your friend is going to have to be a couple of things though to make money here and this is a small market. Up play. There aren't a lot of guys out there who
are straight into pup play. You don't mention your friend's gender. There isn't going to be a lot of demand from people into pup play. People wearing the pup masks. People looking for handlers which is what tops in pup play scenes are called their pups and handlers. Not going to be a lot of demand from straight guys. So if your friend is a sign female at birth your friend should probably just let go of this dream of the riches that might be in store if they can break in to the professional
pup play handler market which ain't big and there are no riches there. But if your friend is a sign male at birth there may be pups people in the city where you live who might be willing to pay for the privilege and the mind fuck of being walked by an actual professional dog walker. Most won't want to be walked around the block. Most will want to be walked at a kink event or a fetish event where other people are consenting to observe this kind of fetish play or walked in
circles around your friend's apartment. But you know in gay land you don't see as many pro doms. You do see some you don't see as many pro doms because there tends to be a near 50-50 split. I mean everybody complains there's a lot more subs than doms and every fetish scene. But when it comes to men and gay men it's easier for people into kink play to find people who might be into kink which is why there's so many more professional female doms serving a male clientele
than male doms serving a male clientele. Although you do see a lot of male sex workers serving a male clientele so there are markets out there for people doing particular kinds of sex work. And this would be a very particular niche kind of sex work your friend was branching out into. And is your friend comfortable? Not just with the putting a human being in a pup mask on a leash and walking them around a fetish event or their apartment. Is your friend comfortable with what
else that person will probably want out of that experience? Maybe not sexual contact but an orgasm, some erotic payoff at the end especially if they're paying your friend for the experience. So yeah if your friend has it in their head that they're going to make a ton of money putting people on leashes who want to be on leashes and walking them in circles and then unleashing them and letting them go and caching the shack or pocketing the cash. Probably not a realistic
expectation. But if your friend is a signmail at birth and is interested in doing DS sex work and isn't going to be entirely dependent on this income they will need other revenue streams to survive. It could be a nice little side hustle but it's not going to be a career. Oh and your friend will have to get online your friend will have to get on the apps your friend will have to probably create a Twitter and put themselves out there a little bit
to attract clients. Yeah I have no magic creative solution that will bring sex work customers bring clients to your friend as they move into this particular kind of sex work without your friend hanging the digital shingle out where everybody who does sex work hangs those digital shingles out. Your friend can't put flyers on light poles in the neighborhood and hope the pups in the neighborhood the human pups in the neighborhood see them that is not
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you will thank me later. Hey micro listeners here's the first 10 minutes of my interview with Liz lens we're not including the calling answered together because we didn't get to it in the first 10 minutes we had a lot to talk about but I hope you enjoyed this taste of our combo of course my
whole conversation with Liz lens is on the magnum version of the show which you can subscribe to now at savage dot love and as I said before there's so much more of this great conversation in the magnum joining me to help tackle this question new york times bestselling author Liz lens her writing
has appeared in the washington post clumbia journalism review of the new york times and other publications her latest book her third this american x wife how i ended my marriage and started my life was an instant new york times best seller Liz thank you so much for coming on the show I've
been dying to have you on Dan thank you so much for having me could you say new york times bestseller just one more time not just new york times bestseller instant new york times bestseller before you get to the callers question i want to ask a couple questions about the book and your divorce
you opened your book with an anecdote that literally made me gas out loud in the cafe where i was reading the book about a box you found hidden in your house can you tell my listeners about that box and what was in it yes so just a little bit of brief backstory i think that will help with
why the box is so important is that you know i am i got married at 22 i'd known that the the man i married since high school we've been together for a long time and throughout our entire relationship i would just lose things and you know i'm like the earning to everybody's
birth right like i'm a writer it's very you know people are like oh that's just Liz she just loses things her head's always in the clouds and so i had for the i mean just for the the 12 years we've been together just been losing little things and losing little things and
especially when the kids were born you know it started to be like am i going insane and we were in the middle of a marriage crisis things were falling apart i was decided to deep clean our home and have a garage sale to sell all the baby stuff because i was like no
no third babies shut this party down and um and as i'm like tearing through the house cleaning in the back of a crawl space in this old house i found this little box that i thought maybe held wedding stuff i opened it up and inside was everything that i thought i had lost over the
past 12 years and we were talking mugs like just like i mean silly mugs people are like what kind of mugs you know these mugs did not say murder all men or anything they were like you know one was had a Cheryl straight quote on it right like a mother fucker i'm because i used to work at the
Rumpest Saliterary magazine and they sell those mugs and uh and like just like other silly little things like chambray tops i bought a lot of them from old navy when i was nursing my babies just because like it's easy to button and unbutton and they hide stains really well right i'm a midwestern
mom and so it was just like little things like that and and opening that box and finding it was um it was it felt like what i imagined finding a dead body would feel like because it felt like all these pieces of me that had been deliberately hidden and taken away from me and i mean obviously
the there's a word for it right gaslighting but you know yeah and it wasn't your toddler who was hiding right yeah it was yes yes unfortunately my toddlers at that time were not sophisticated enough to do that they did not have to go to jail but they um it was yeah it was my now ex-husband
who was doing it and when we talked about it in therapy later you know he was just like well uh this is my home and i did not want those things in there there's like a happy a madembovery which is i really love it it's a great it's an incredible but the term gaslighting gets thrown
around too much too much yes about any disagreement if somebody else interpreted an event differently than you right had a different impression you're being gaslighting you're out of control stop using gaslighting this is not only this gaslighting but really what i seized on when i was reading it or
it really stuck with me was disappearing that mug that said right like a motherfucker because one of the central conflicts from the you unpack in the book a great like this isn't just about your marriage it's about a lot of opposite sex marriages where the husband is threatened by your
unsupportive of the wife's career or actively seeks to undermine it and you have this mug that says right like a motherfucker and what your husband wants you to do is have a third baby and stop writing and he disappears that mug for fear i don't know that it's going to give you ideas about
the career that you actually have and wanted and that he knew that you had and wanted but he married you yes yes it's just it's so on the nose like you couldn't put that in a screenplay it's too no and it's crazy we almost didn't put it in the book because it's a complicated story to tell
and telling it fairly you know and telling it in a way that I got legal reviewed in fact checked right in this book so like and telling it in a way that was like honest and fair was really complicated and there was a moment where I was like maybe we just toss it out all together
and the editor was like no we got to find a way to stick it in because it's it's it's not a metaphor it's my life but it is so metaphorical for what so many women experience yes like the undermining or I get I don't want the sabotage right like I'm sorry I can't come home I can't help you out when
you have a work meeting because my work meetings more important it's just those little things that just pull the rug out from under women at every step you write later in the book though that what ended your marriage wasn't an affair and you say it wasn't abuse although a lot of listeners
kind of think there's something emotionally abusive about that box and the gaslighting that was going on and it obviously wasn't an argument about monogamy versus polyamory cholera promise we'll get to your question in just a second it was something much more mundane you write the slow
erosion of a marriage due to the unbearable burden of domestic labor and you unpack that yeah so there's a lot of data now out thanks to people like ibradski and the fair play institute and the writer Jessica and sociologist Jessica Kalarko who have done a lot of research into saying in
opposite sex marriages women do so much of the labor the conception the planning and the execution there there's research that shows that if a woman marries a man he adds seven hours of domestic labor to her life per week and she takes away one hour of domestic labor per week from his life
and that's like and i don't even think that statistic counts in child care or other kind of care work and and and it was just that like constant expectation of labor and the trying to negotiate it that just broke me apart because it felt like every day i was waking up and having to negotiate
for my time like my time to work i had sold my first book and i was trying to work on it and i was being told at every step like we don't have money for child care or well if you go on this research trip what do i feed the kids for dinner and it's just like i like i don't know like you're the father
chicken nuggets like why do you know what i mean it was just every step of the way and it just it wore me down to the point where i i couldn't do it anymore you know like i was getting ready to go out on these research trips i was lining up all the child care asking people to step in and help
and fill the gaps right when he was like i i can't come home at you know four o'clock i have to work until seven great wrap around care who do i hire and then i was like freezing meals in the freezer and i was just like this is this is not how i want to spend my life you know
would we got married it was like we'll move we'll move to Iowa for your career some people do have careers here in Iowa and then you know and eventually it will be your turn and i just kept waiting for it to be my turn and waiting for it to be my turn and then when it was my turn
it actually wasn't my turn because i had so much of this extra labor to do and i just i was like i i could continue i could i could still be married i could still be married i could still be negotiating for that time but i just decided i was done and i didn't want to do that i didn't
want to have to daily advocate for my humanity was i wrong all during the marriage equality debate reading your book i just felt well i was really wrong about straight marriages it seems like a hopeless endeavor it feels like people should give the fuck up on it i would we would say in the
marriage equality movement opposite sex marriage it wasn't gay people who wanted to redefine marriage straight people already had redefined marriage and what had been a gendered institution with gendered expectations had become a galloterian a marriage of whatever two people in that marriage
said that it was and from that institution as straight people redefined it and practiced it there was no argument you could make to exclude same sex couples from that egalitarian no longer breaking under the weight of gendered expectations idea of marriage as straight people practiced it
but what your book emphasizes again and again and again is that opposite sex marriages are still shot through with gendered expectations and i think for a lot of straight people are default settings that they just drift toward without it being a conscious choice until the woman finds herself
cracking under the weight of those gendered expectations as you did and so was i wrong about straight marriage do i have to give up my gay marriage because i was wrong is it gendered institutions still so so okay let's let's unpack it into to i don't think marriage equality was a mistake i just
want to say that i don't think it was a mistake but i will say one of the the pieces of feedback that has been surprising to me and i didn't you know i say from the outset i am staying in my lane here this book is laudering the sacred cow of heterosexual marriages right like cis-hat marriages
and that's the data that i rely on but i cannot tell you the number of queer people who have come up to me and said these gendered expectations still stymied my relationship Liz Lens author of the New York Times best-eller this American ex-wife she writes the sub-stack
men yell at me and is the host of the this American ex-wife podcast follow her on twitter at l y z l is thank you so much for coming on please come back thank you so much for having me this was a delight you are a delight thank you for all the work you do as i said before there's so
much more of my great conversation with author Liz Lens on the magnum hey den we're calling in to ask you to help us to find what sex is it's become a reoccurring issue for us because we're playful heterocouple trying to have sex in every American national park we're doing our best of
course to keep our activities private since other visitors having consented to participate in our game but the desire for subtlety and sex has brought up the question of what qualifies as sex in our contemporary non heteronormative world that's evolved beyond the limitations of piv we've
tried some basic internet research with no satisfying results dictionary is not really a help they seem to continue to define sex as intercourse for the purpose of procreation so can you help us out with the academic tasks so we can continue our type a task of having sex in every national park
there are 429 national park sites in the united states though just 63 are designated national park or have national park in their i don't know headlines titles but there are 6,792 state parks so when you're done fucking your way through the national park system i would encourage you guys to keep it
up keep going hit those nearly 7000 state parks all right defining sex i have encouraged people for years to define sex as broadly as possible because then you'll have a lot more sex and it'll be a lot more interesting and varied but when it comes to cheating i think people should
paradoxically perhaps contradictory define sex as narrowly as possible because then you're a little less likely to be cheated on and yes i do want you to hold those two conflicting beliefs in all of your heads at the same time Nancy shared with me a proposed definition for sex in a
heterosexual or a mountain encounter if the woman comes it sex otherwise it's not i fully endorse that i would also toss out there if you're in a monogamous relationship and you walked into the room and you saw your partner doing it whatever it was with someone else and that site made
you mad then it's probably sex i say that to guys all the time straight guys who tell me that oral sex doesn't count that oral sex wasn't cheating that oral sex isn't sex and i'm like all right you walk into a room and your mom is sucking your dad's dick did you walk in on your parents having
sex or not or you walk into a room and your girlfriend is sucking your best friends dick was you cheating on you or not and the answer to that is almost always yes so yeah setting that aside just a little rivulet there a little digression i think you know if you've ever been to the hump
film festival you get an idea of what i think counts as sex which is oh my god just about anything there's a film this year in hump 2024 part one streaming now at humpfilps.com where there's a guy standing there i think he's tied up being hit in the face with pies and that's called pying or
washing or gloating or something and for some people who are into that that counts as sex so if your girlfriend was into that or you were into that and you went and did that at a national park i think that counts i don't think sex is just piv sexual intercourse i think hand jobs count i
think oral sex counts i think of course anal intercourse counts i think for taas you're rubbing off counts i think erotic encounters that are built around a fetish or a kink activity that for someone or both partners or all partners involved is very deeply gratifying and erotic
even if there are no boners or orgasm for anyone involved i think that can count as sex so i'm going to turn this question back around on you and your girlfriend what counts what gets you off what gets hurt off what do you enjoy what for you is gratifying and erotic and make that list
and everything on that list fuck the dictionary fuck the oed pegging isn't in there yet fuck the oed the oxardine was dictionary everything on your personal subjective list all of that all of that counts time for a little listener feedback first up i want to read a couple of the
comments left about last week's show in the very lively common threads at sabbage.love says gravity no dan no the advice for the woman at the retreat center you gave is terrible i would love to live in a world where people fuck whoever they want and everything is just wonderful but
there is too much abuse of power in yoga slash wellness slash spiritual communities doing bodywork puts you in an intensely vulnerable emotional and physical state as does being separated from your normal environment as does doing intensive meditations every day a good teacher recognizes this
vulnerability and does not use it to sleep with all the ladies there's lots of great advice and insight into wellness spaces and the kinds of creepy charismatic leaders and teachers who fuck their students or their clients or the attendees in the comment thread on that show please
check out Laura M's comment and dawn's comment and while i did engage in a little it's complicated ism and sometimes people want to fuck ism in that response i did also endorse do not fuck the students as the right policy for leaders and wellness spaces and the default setting says bma 83
to the lady wanting to go to fulcim and i am l please stay away this call reminds me of women going to the cock and the eagle in new york it is such an invasion i blame primarily the gay men who bring their gal pals to the cruzi gay bars so they can watch the gay men as if they were at a
zoo damn if a straight man wanted to go to a lesbian event because he loved watching two women get it on would you advise him to go i sure as hell hope you would not i bend i am l i bend fulsome there are women at those events already as joe the commenter points out in her response gay leather
scene it's perfectly okay for a woman to go to public open gay leather events i used to go to the i aml vendor floor joe continues where i got some of my best stuff but i never went to any of the parties i was not invited don't go to private events where you are not invited especially if you
want to just be a lucky lou speaking of lucky louis i once wrote a two thousand word piece criticizing a guy who brought a straight woman to a gay orgy a private event at i aml because she wanted to have a lucky lou we will put the link to that story in the show notes all right for more listener feedback check out struggle session where i respond to listener and reader comments goes up most Thursdays at savage dot love that's exclusively for our magnum subs and now listener response
calls hi this is a comment for the woman who called about her facilitator at the wellness retreat dating or um having relationships with some of his students girl run this is rampant in the yoga and wellness community it is well documented in a lot of circles i mean even if you just look up
dick from and the entire dick from yoga in he was taking sexual advantage of his students and it is something that is very easy to do when you are bringing folks into a vulnerable face and in their bodies and in their minds and it is very very common for people to be
taken advantage of and any facilitator should absolutely never enter into that type of a relationship with people that they are directly working with because it's almost always an abuse of power hi dam this is in response to the man who called in about um his wife fooling around us for hair
dresser and what she said sounded great that you're leaving out a really important issue at least in my world a hair a good hairdresser is worth their weighting gold and if she fools around with them and it gets weird she might lose an amazing hairdresser so at the very least she should
maybe shop around for a backup before she proceeds hi dam i just want to respond to the woman who called and asked for your advice because she wanted to go to an event like a gay leather event like fulsome and asked whether it was appropriate because she wanted to be mindful and respectful
of people's spaces and i thought that was first of all awesome that she asked that question because i've often wondered things like that myself and i thought your response was incredible i mean i have often thought that would be just a lot of fun to go to something like that
not because i'm necessarily into leather i'm kinky but i'm not into leather but i do think it would be just fabulous to just not only experience that kind of energy and enthusiasm but you know seeing a bunch of really hot you know gay men dancing and you know wearing fetish gear that would be
incredible too but i just think that would be a really neat thing but i've always kind of wondered whether i'd be welcome in a space like that if i were respectful and so i thought that question was just awesome and i just want to tell that caller if you want a fellow middle aged cis hat woman
to go to an event with i'm your woman because i think that would be a lot of fun and we're gonna leave it there we've got three great ways for you to get us your questions or comments for future shows you can record your questions or your comment at savage.love slash
ask damn or you can make a voice memo on your very own phone and email us your question or your comment at q at savage.love or you can call our landline and leave us a message at 206 302 206 4 hump part one 2020 4 is available to stream right now in the privacy of your own home if you miss
the spring tour in theaters or you just want to see hump 2024 part one one more time go to humpfilmfest.com right now so you can watch it today and while you're at the website be sure to click on submit to find
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