You're listening to the micro version of The Savage Lovecast at Savage.love. I'm not even going to try to pronounce that word. The one the Pope had to apologize for using last week. The current Pope. The nice Pope. The Huamida judge Pope. The being guy is not a crime Pope. That Pope. Someone ratted the Pope out for using an anti-gay slur during a private closed closet doors meeting with 250 Catholic bishops in Italy last week.
I'm not even going to try to say it out loud because I have a problem. If I see an unfamiliar word in print first, I hear it in my head. If I don't hear it in my head, the way it's supposed to be pronounced doesn't matter. How many times I hear the word pronounced correctly after that doesn't matter how many times I'm corrected.
What I heard in my head when I read the word for the first time, that's how it's going to come out of my mouth for the rest of my life. The Savage Lovecast listener who obviously knows what I'm like called in with the correct pronunciation.
I can and everybody the word is pronounced for tragedy. It was a valiant attempt to get out in front of my brain and one I very much appreciate caller but it came too late. I'd already read the word a dozen times in print already it spelled F-R-O-C-I-A-G-G-I-N-E. What I heard in my head actually kind of embarrassed to say was Fraga Chino, like Frappuccino made with frogs. I realize it makes no sense. It's F-R-O-C-Not-F-R-O-G, but my brain, like the Lord, works in mysterious ways.
Anyway, the word for tragedy means Faggity. The Pope was expressing his concerns about admitting openly gay men to the priesthood because a lot of the seminaries he's visited in his time as Pope are already pretty Faggity as is. Which if you think about it for just a second means banning gay men from the priesthood isn't keeping gay men out of the priesthood. It's attracting a certain kind of gay man, the self-loathing kind, the externalizing of the internal conflict kind.
And the church actually does welcome men into the priesthood who have a history of homosexual activity, but only if their homosexual activity wasn't deep seated, or seated with a tea, deep seated, not deep seated. That means something else entirely. So if you wore your homosexuality lightly, if you were shallow seated, if you were perched on the edge of your seat, I guess you're in.
Anyway, the day before the news broke, I got an email from Peter Tachel. He's a high profile LGBTQ rights activist in the UK. And the subject line on the email was Dan, the Pope called us Faggits. Open the email and the headline on the newsletter was Pope called LGBTs Faggits. Now, in fairness to the Pope, which is something I never thought I'd say on my 36th podcast, the Pope didn't call all LGBTs Faggits.
He didn't call lesbians Faggits or bisexuals Faggits or everyone crowded in under the trans umbrella Faggits. The Pope wasn't even talking about, I don't think, all gay people. He wasn't talking about all the... Foggy, shit that went down at gay pride in WeHo over the weekend. He was condemning all the Foggy, shit going down in Catholic seminaries in Italy. Apparently, even with the ban on gay men in the priesthood, which I give not one single Foggy, shit about, there's a whole lot of Foggy.
But stuff going on in Catholic seminaries right now. And these Faggits, in seminaries, they profess to believe and are committed to teaching others to believe what the church teaches and pretends to believe about homosexuality. Namely that, and I'm quoting here from the catechism, homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered contrary to natural law. They closed the sexual act to the gift of life.
Now, before straight people get all high in mighty about how intrinsically ordered you are in the eyes of the Catholic Church, the church describes masturbation as intrinsically and gravely disordered, which sounds worse. And it condemns birth control too, which obviously closes the sexual act to life with the exact same words. Now, I am inclined to say these Faggits at the Pope talking about these Faggits who want to carry water, carry holy water for the Catholic Church. Fuck these Faggits.
But honestly, I have some sympathy for them, seeing as they're doing what I almost did. I chose to attend a seminary, a preparatory seminary, a high school for Catholic boys thinking about becoming priests when I was a teenager. In part because I thought the building was beautiful, if you're over 40, quickly preparatory seminary north on Rostri is Chicago's Sampchapel. If you're under 40, it's Chicago's Hogwarts.
Anyway, if I'd stuck with it, if I'd hated myself that much, and made it all the way to the grown-up seminary, and there were a lot of other gay guys there like me, guys who were going into the priesthood because coming out didn't seem like an option. And if we were all sleeping in dormitories together, and we believed our sins would be forgiven if we made a full confession the next day, a full and very hot confession, I would have been one of the ones engaging in a whole lot of... Procadjini.
...at my seminary. I have another memory of Quigley that I wanted to share, something that sounds too fucked up to be true. If there's anybody out there listening who went to Quigley, who can back me up on this, please call, in addition to the mandatory swim classes we had to take, where everybody swam naked in front of the coaches who were priests, but I went to Quigley. There was a young priest whose job title was disciplinarian.
He sat in an office on the second floor with a sign on the door that said, disciplinarian, and he waited there for angry teachers to send misbehaving boys to his office. To be spanked. That was his job as a priest. Spanking high school boys all day long. I believe this position, when I might have applied for myself, if I were a messy closet case, who'd managed to get my ass ordained, I believe this position has been phased out at Catholic seminaries.
Due to its absolutely off the charts levels of... Procadjini. Alright, coming up on the micro, tons of your cues, lots of my A's, and joining me on the show today, comedian Jared Goldstein. You may have seen him in the single best episode of Black Mirror Ever, in the most current Black Mirror season. You may be one of the tens of thousands of fans who follow him on Instagram. I'm really excited to have Jared on the Love Cast. We talk about long-haired homos, wearing our houses.
We keep our shrines to Timothy Shalame, and with Jared I play what may be the shortest game of never have I ever, ever. In a conversation that the Pope would surely think had way too much... Procadjini. ...for his taste. A little of my conversation with Jared is on the micro, all of it is on the Magnum. And finally I wanted to say, hey, it's June. That is a very special month. National Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, as I'm sure you all know.
At the Love Cast, we're celebrating National Migraine and Headache Awareness Month by offering our micro listeners a free month of the Magnum. Go to Savage.Love and enter the code HappyJune to become a sub now. Magnum subs get the longer, stronger ad-free, savage love cast. The extra-long, savage love column, struggle sessions, invites to savage love, live streams, and more. Celebrate Migraine and Headache Awareness Month in style with us by getting a free month of Magnum now at Savage.Love.
Alright, if you're a Magnum sub, show starts now. If you're not yet a Magnum sub, and there's no excuse not to be a Magnum sub right now. But if you are not, show starts after these ads. This episode of The Savage Love Cast is brought to you by Dipsy. Dipsy is an app full of hundreds of short, sexy, audio stories designed by women for women. Get an extended 30-day free trial when you go to DipsyStories.com slash Savage.
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Do not wait. Go to stamps.com and before you do anything else, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in Savage. That stamps.com enter S-A-V-A-G-E. Hi Dan. I'm a 32-year-old, straight woman living in Australia. Currently, I'm working at a hospitality agency. The work is really casual. There's a lot of people that work there. So it's kind of rare that you work with the same person very often.
A couple weeks ago, I went from not sleeping with anybody for a long time, to sleeping with two different guys from my job on the same weekend. And to my misfortunes, they are both working with me for a whole week at an event where I'm at the bar. So both of them work kind of close to me, smile at me, flirt with me, hold this. And often I get also attention from customers. I come up to the bar and kind of flirt with me or other coworkers.
And so with one of these guys that I've talked with, I kind of would like to keep doing that because if she's nice and it's fun, I mean, there's no strength to task or anything, but it's fun. But then I also, like, I don't know what to do when guests come up and flirt with me at the bar.
And I'm also interested in them or potentially hooking up with some of them. But like if this other guy that I'm also interested in continuing to sleep with is right there, I don't want to seem like rude or like her disfewings or just be kind of like unclassy or, you know, just like flirting in front of somebody that you sleep with.
So what am I supposed to do when this happens? Like, am I supposed to knock at them my Instagram with the ask for it or just like, I'm not interested when I am interested? And I only kind of asked this because I feel like this doesn't really happen very much. So we're like, don't really have as many sexual partners as I would like to. So it kind of feels weird to be like not taking opportunities when they happen just because I'm already slept with somebody that's working with me.
So what should I do then? Be honest with the dude or the dudes from work that you fucked. Just tell them, risk telling them that you're interested in fucking them again, but you're not interested in only fucking them. And you don't want to feel awkward if there's somebody else walks into the establishment where you're working who flirts with you and you want to flirt back with you don't want that to be awkward.
And you never know you might have a yacht see moment here where you tell this guy you set his expectations like, hey, look, totally like fucking you, totally down to fuck again. Gonna be fucking other guys, including potentially customers. And you can't have a problem with that if you want to fuck me again. You never know he could be a cuckold or a hot wife dude or a staggin vixen guy and not only is the prospect of you flirting with and fucking other men, a problem for him, but it is a benefit.
It is a selling point that when he sees you flirting with a customer, he will be so happy. He'll be so excited at the prospect of getting to go down on you after that other guy fucked you that he'll come without touching his dick during the conversation that you're going to have with him.
You never know, but if that conversation turns him off and he's no longer interested in you because you were direct and honest with him about your expectations, okay, well, I don't want to call him bad rubbish because he's not bad rubbish.
He's allowed to have a comfort zone of his own and limits and expectations and wants and desires of his own. But if what you want doesn't work for him figuring that out now in advance of you flirting with a customer, flirting back with a customer who's flirting with you is going to be better for you and better for him and having that conversation taking that risk.
That's the only way you ever find out if you're going to have in the course of your romantic and sexual life, one or two of those yacht see moments that we all have or can have if we just risk being honest and direct with the people we're fucking.
I think of someone I heard from once at a speaking event who waited for 10 years to confess their terrible, awful, extreme, crazy, kink or what seemed like a crazy kink to them not so much to me to their partner because they were struggling with shame that whole time and they were certain that they would be rejected only to find out 10 years into the relationship that their partner basically had the same kink.
10 years wasted 10 years that they could have been doing these crazy things to and with each other. Wasted they made up for last time, but there was a yacht see a yacht see delayed a yacht see ultimately had but you could have your yacht see now. Potentially if you just level with this guy or these guys pay Dan on the text I made some yacht rescue I'm a 39 year old street cis woman from the Bay Area three weeks ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Today I met the surgeon and I have to decide about a single or a double mastectomy it's absolutely medical necessarily on one side to save my life and I have to decide about the other side where the cancer has not affected.
The reason I'm calling you about this is because of the loss of feeling I will have on one or possibly both sides my husband and I have a really resilient sex life and I have no doubt that we can get past this we have two young children we started having sex pretty soon after I gave birth to both of them and I've had other surgery his and we've recovered lovely you know in a nice way and.
But just like being told you're never going to be able to feel your husband squeeze your breast again is a pretty. Awful feeling and there I think medically and aesthetically it makes sense for me to get a double mastectomy but I just wanted to have someone who is as sex positive and excited about sex as I am to talk to about this even though you don't have breasts I'm just.
Really really torn I think I've kind of made up my decision to get the double mastectomy because I think it's the safest way to ensure that I'm there for my children in the future but I need to find a way to tell myself that this is going to be okay.
This is such a heartbreaking question and I feel not qualified to answer this question but then I remember what I've said a million times to all the other people who come on the show who write advice columns that when you look up advice in the dictionary it says opinion about what could or should be done and the only qualification you to give your opinion is that somebody asked for it and you.
You're asking for my opinion and so I'm going to do my best to answer your question to the best of my ability I hope that you're reaching out to other women who've faced breast cancer and had to make this decision for their input as well and not just relying on your old vague friend Dan you want to feel good when you look at your body and I think that's an aesthetics issue you site aesthetics is one of the reasons why.
You might choose to get this double mastectomy I guess a kind of uniform symmetrical appearance but to feel good in your body sounds like sex has been really important to you and having your breasts plural squeezed by your husband is important to your sensus sexual fulfillment or has been important to your sensus sexual fulfillment and when you say as you did in your question that I don't have breasts that's true but I'm not sure if you're going to have a breast that's true.
But I am one of those men with very responsive nipples and I feel you like it's important to me to be touched and my chest touched by a lover during sex it's very important to me and if I had a choice between suddenly having no nipples we're having one still responsive nipple I think I would choose to keep the nipple we call them tits here in gay land to I would choose to keep the nipple.
I would choose to keep the tits that was healthy and if I were in your shoes choose to keep my healthy breast if I was a woman facing the choice that you are facing and then for my children's sake monitor that breast very very closely and then if another mastectomy is required down the road to have gotten as much use and enjoyment and pleasure out of that breast as I could before
it had to go to I don't feel like I can tell you what to do here tell you what's right for you I can reassure you that oh my god as we age time is a meat grinder it eats us all up it really does and the ways in which we take pleasure from our bodies evolve over time a pleasure that was really central to your sensus sexual fulfillment and feeling good
in your body over time that can change something that was really important something that felt really good falls out of your sexual repertoire and you barely even notice it as some other pleasure some other thing pleasure your body is capable of experiencing a pleasure your body is capable of providing you sort of rises to take its place so I'm confident with a lover as attentive and supportive as it sounds like your hugs
it sounds like your husband is that you will be able to find new ways of taking pleasure from your body of being provided with pleasure in your body and providing him with pleasure with your body over time and rather than that being as it is for so many of us as we age a gradual process it will be a kind of clunky gear shift but you will be able to do it you will be able to find new arogenous sounds
because it's not just nerve endings that arogenous zones are about it's about desire and our own desire and our need to be touched and our need for intimacy finding really places in our body where we can be provided where we're that touch with that physical contact and that connection can be facilitated and if you lose your breasts if you do decide to get the double mastectomy
and my heart goes out to this moment just I ache for you right at this moment I'm confident that you will find new pleasures and new ways to enjoy your body and sex with your husband.
I want to listen to two tennis players face off in a tense match but after the game the rivalry simmers in the sauna listen in as they find new ways to try to best one another challenge or here's another one Charlotte and will account wait till the end of the party so they sneak away into a free bedroom and hook up as the party goes on outside the door they try their best to stay quiet as things heat up between them.
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Hi Dan I am a 31 year old sister female calling from the west coast. I'm calling in about something pretty heavy so I feel obligated to throw out a trigger warning. I just recently found out my ex fiance eight years was arrested on federal child pornography charges and for trying to solicit a minor. I met this man when I was 21 and he was 23 we were together for eight years and engaged for last four. Two years ago I fell in love with one of my co workers and ended my engagement.
My fiance seemed unusually understanding about the whole thing although he was hurt and didn't want our relationship to end we had agreed that our relationship had turned more companion towards the end and so we ended things right amicably and I still considered him a dear friend.
And up until that point in my life I have felt like he was the only healthy relationship I had ever had we've been separated now for two years and I'm still with the man I left him for my ex and I have kept in contact and have been able to stay pretty close friends. I found out about him being arrested a couple weeks ago.
But just finally got access to court records and now I know everything now that I know the details and the hard horrifying extent of his crimes and that he was doing these things while we were still together I feel very broken. I feel like I can't trust myself truly know anyone and all of the good memories of my ex are just so painful now I am just trying to find resources for people who have experienced this kind of thing.
There is surprisingly little available at least that I have been able to find I am in therapy but I feel like if I could just talk to someone else who's been through this. I don't know if maybe there's a specialist you could have on or if your other listeners might have any insight on resources for people who have loved someone who turned out to be a pedophile or a sexual predator.
I think due to the extent of his crimes there's a good chance I'll never see him again and I don't know how to make it through this without being able to tell him how hurt and disgust and I am and how betrayed I feel. I'm not aware of any resources out there for people who gone through what you're going through now if anybody listening to the show is aware of resources that might help this caller please jump into the comment thread or give us a call let us know about them.
Caller you dodged a bullet you should be grateful that that coworker you couldn't resist came along and that you aren't finding all of these same things out about this man after you married him and had kids with him.
So I get it I get that you're struggling with that existential terror that we all kind of live with that sort of this low thrum in the back of our minds where we know that we can't know everything about the people who are closest to us the people we bring into our lives that there's some part of every human being we interact with that is
unknowable and unreachable and isn't something that can be disclosed to us or should be disclosed to us and in addition to the existential terror of just not being able to fully notice someone else there's also the existential terror of not being able to fully know ourselves and we live with that we limp through life living with that
existential terror what you're going through right now is it's kind of foregrounding this background existential terror this low thrum in the back of your mind about whether you can really truly fully know the man you're with now after having obviously not really truly fully known the man you're with then it's right in the front of your mind it will in time as you process this it will like grief begin to recede
everyone's while you may become consciously aware of it again and and have a moment and stress out about it and then again it will recede therapy is a resource available to you say you're in therapy now good that may be the best single resource available to you but yeah you're consciously aware of something now
acutely consciously aware of something that most people are only half aware of all their lives which is that everybody else on this fucking planet is a fucking mystery and even parts of ourselves are fucking mysteries to us
and yeah what I keep coming back to is I think about your question I listen to your call a couple of times was how lucky you are that you got out of this relationship that you met this co worker and fell in love with this co worker and exited this relationship and yeah I do think there is a bit of a tell there in how calmly the man you are with for eight years and engaged to for four years took it when you told him you would fall in love with someone else and that you were leaving him
he wasn't in love with you or capable of fully loving you and there was some evidence of that in his reaction to you ending this relationship and I'm just really really really really glad for you that that happened for you got married where you scrambled your DNA together
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savage for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale no long term commitments or contracts just go to stamps dot com click on the microphone with the top of the page and enter the code savage I am a 30s this at women living on the bus and I recently met up with this super hot guy through field and when I met up with him I thought that he had some feminine ways of his demeanor so we had insane chemistry and I wanted to go back to the front
so I go back to the partner and I noticed above his fireplace is a little shrine to Timothy Charlemagne and I asked him what is this he said my little shrine to Timothy Charlemagne and I said oh you really like to be
so I said yes absolutely and then I said oh well I really love one of the movies he was in have you seen call me by your name and he said yes it's my absolute favorite movie now he had straight this is on his field profile no I'm curious about this interest into the Chalame and this love for seeing too hot and then making out and I'm
wondering what this says about his interest in me he says that I could give to the dish element or run for his money so he did cancel an official date we were going to have about 20 minutes before the date
then he got a headache and has his schedule so I really enjoyed his company we had insane chemistry I would like to go out and again so I'm a little bit unsure about his obsession with Timothy Charlemagne and his pamphling of formal date with me and what it all means about what he's really into do you have any insight
joining me to help tackle this question because why not comedian and actor Jared Goldstein he was named one of Vultures comedians you should know and will know his standup can be seen most recently in house of laps on wow presents plus Jared thank you so much for
demeaning yourself by coming on my podcast this is a huge huge favor to you and you're so welcome I feel like you're doing me this huge favor I have to say I've been a fan forever I've been following on Instagram I love your stuff I think you're hysterical with you talking about your mom or talking about your boyfriend's come you are funny so thank you but you're not here to be to your standup you're here to give some
sex advice let's get I'm here for not for comedy I'm here for drama so her question who concern is that he's gay because yeah he's obsessed with Timothy Charlemagne like that call me by your name would be with the cannibal what's your ruling on that this is the most bisexual thing I've ever heard in my life canceling a date 20 minutes before because you have a headache this man is by I was going to say straight guys don't get headaches if
there's pussy no no tap right I've never had a headache in my life but but what gay guys don't get headaches not this one well I have a lot of problems but headaches are not one of them especially like there's a kind of headache override when sex is possible that thing you get when you have a
hangover and you suddenly start checking off in your horny and suddenly you don't have a hangover anymore and then you come and then you have a hangover again the fact that he canceled for a headache that may be the worst of the 90s who cancels for a headache yeah I don't I
really I like I need medical proof something like I need I need like a prescription I need a doctor snow a headache maybe if it's migraines and that's you know it's migraines it's a part but then I think she would have said he has migraines and he got a migraine cancelling for a headache that is really by drink a glass of water like what are you doing you're saying that's really by yeah that's a by thing also I don't think there are any 100% straight guys on field that's a dating
up with the sexually adventurous yeah there are certainly straight identified guys on field but also arguing against 100% straight and maybe 4 by is where you met him caller you met him I mean they might identify a straight but at the very least they're watching gay and tie at the very least or dune one and two now there you go he's such a Timothy Shalame fan yeah is Timothy Shalame one of those straight boys who's so pretty he
pings on other straight boys sex star I guess so I don't I hear is a thing I love call me by your name I have I saw it four times in theaters and this is before like movie pass so I paid I have given that man money but I don't think about Timothy Shalame personally on a sexual level so I can't really speak to that we but you're gay I am gay I am gay and he is handsome but I'm just not he's not for me and he doesn't care he doesn't need that
but I'm just as someone who's brought on here to talk about Timothy Shalame sexually I have to I do have to just admit personally in my home I am not into that do you know what ruins Timothy Shalame for me what his
sexuality sure sure I feel very fortunate that I'm one of those gay guys who doesn't find straightness and men kind of super extra duper appealing all right I wouldn't go that far it's like finding out a guy to smoke her I'm like yeah oh damn we have different trade different interests like but you've never seen someone smoke and thought that looks cool at the very least everybody I see smoking I think he's gonna smell like my dad my dad the Chicago cop who smoked my dad also ruined cop uniforms
me those don't work on me either oh I mean yeah no that's that's a simple pass people who can't see right now I can see you right now everybody should go follow Jared on Instagram where he posts clip which is where I first encountered you you're a pretty guy thank you do you sometimes ping onto straight men's sex star were there at one thousand percent and what do you do with that superpower with great comes great responsibility how do you abuse and leverage this you don't you don't you
because you just you just get you just get kind of like a like I'm like a cat toy for them Jared Goldstein named one of Vultures comedians you should know and will know you can check out his latest standup on House of Laps on Wow Presents plus he's great go look him up on Instagram
because that's the key to the world now I follow people on Instagram and I find out when they have books coming out when they have new shows coming out and what's your Instagram handle again at Hey Jared hey there's more of my conversation with comedian Jared Goldstein on the Magnum Savage Lovecast you can hear my complete conversation my full conversation with Jared by becoming
a Magnum sub now at Savage dot love. Hi Dan I am a mostly straight guy in a relationship with a woman and we have a really wonderful relationship it's everything is great we have amazing communication we love to spend our time with each other we're on the same page when it comes to most of our values and the way we like to live our life and so I'm very grateful to be in the partnership that I'm in
I recently read a book called Mind the Gap it was amazing she had an exercise in there about exploring your turn-ons and your sexual kinks with your partner and so we did this and I've always been attracted to non-monogamy I used to say that I felt like it was non-monogamous at some point I said I was polyamorous I don't know if that's true I don't know really what the right label is but we were talking about this and kind of came to the the conclusion that what really turns me on is the
idea of like being sexual with other women and I was even able to articulate a scenario where I would be giving a friend another woman an erotic massage and potentially go down on another woman and that's a big turn-on for me and something I'm into she doesn't like this idea at all she's very uncomfortable when we talk about it and I love her a lot and I I don't want her to feel uncomfortable although it it will seem
like it goes to this place where she feels like if we can't resolve this then maybe we would have to break up and it feels a little extreme for me I don't want to break up over this it's not a deal breaker for me it's just something that I fantasize about and that is a turn-on for me and I
don't really know how to move forward with that I don't want my girlfriend to be uncomfortable but at the same time I want to be able to be open about what turns me on and what I'm interested in and express that freely I guess sometimes I'm just struggling about what the what the right thing
to do or what the right way to move forward with that is with her so that she feels like she's included and part of the decision and you know I care about her feelings a lot and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize what we have but I want to be myself dude you're
going to jeopardize what you have with your girlfriend if you don't shut the fuck up it's fine that you want to sleep with other women go down on other women that's fine and your girlfriend you've told her that so she knows that even if you hadn't told her that that's
just something people should assume about their sex partners and I think your girlfriend is emotionally intelligent enough if you're processing this varsity level stuff to fucking know that so you're free to express yourself freely you're free to freely express your desire
to sleep with women who aren't your girlfriend just don't express that shit to your girlfriend anymore than you already have pay her the courtesy and the respect of blowing off that steam not by telling her about it because she's going to experience you telling her about it is
pressuring her and picking at this issue and wanting to renegotiate the monogamous commitment that you've made to her that you've told her you want to honor she's not going to perceive it as you're just being yourself she's going to perceive it as pressure express this shit
freely to the friends you blow off steam with about your relationship not necessarily to your girlfriend and when you say I think I might be polyamorous I used to think I might be non monogamous polyamory non monogamy monogamy not sexual orientations people are not monogamous
monogamy is something people choose to do polyamory sometimes poly people although I'm kind of a famously poly person get upset with me when I say this polyamorous is not a sexual orientation I take a pretty conservative view when it comes to orientations if it's something that gay people
can do and straight people can do and bisexual people can do and pansexual people can do and in this case even asexual people can do it's not a sex act or a sexual orientation it is a in this case monogamy non monogamy polyamory it is a relationship model and you have to if you're going to be
in a relationship with someone you have to come to an agreement you have to come to a consensus about what that relationship model is going to be the choice that you two are going to make and you have put it out there that you would prefer to be in a non monogamous relationship and she has put on the table it's monogamy or nothing that may change she knows that you would like this freedom at some point in your life to have sex with other women in addition to her if her feelings about this change
you're evolved she will let you know in the meantime stop freely expressing this shit to her go find some friends preferably ones who don't have a giant is who aren't thinking you're trying to get out of their pants that you can freely express yourself in this way too that you can blow off
steam with that you can share your frustration at not getting everything you want in your relationship but stop telling her what she already knows and allow her to return to the state of being able to suspend her disbelief and pretend that for now at least this isn't true do her that courtesy
time for a little listener feedback first up a few comments left on last week's show and very lively comment threads at savage dot love we talked last week about anal orgasms with doctor Evan Goldstein I am a skeptic but some call me is a believer hey Dan
I'm happy to report that I've had three or four anal orgasms the first time years ago just starting to explore anal and had a 100% anal orgasm tried to reproduce it later but wasn't able to come from but stuff alone again on my own but I had two or three
anal orgasms during a recent vacation with my wife I took gummies beforehand haven't been able to replicate it without the gummy sense so I wonder if the gummies increased relaxation increased sensitivity or increased my ability to get out of my head easy way
to test that hypothesis of yours some call me get some more goddamn gummies get your butt back in the air and get your wife on it says echo in the voice about the person who had an affair before the birth of his children whose wife wanted him to come clean to their children
this is absolutely a bit to shame and continue to punish this person there is no benefit for the children to be told this information and adolescence at that echo goes on in her very long comment to share the absolutely heartbreaking story about how her husband
outed her to their kids not as a cheater but as a swinger which her husband was too but he blames it all on echo comments too long to share here but go read it on the comment threads on last week show at savage.love and if you have the time please offer some words of support to echo and finally says Dennis for the bottom afraid of being too loose and not giving enough pleasure to the top not every top loves a tight hole some people get more excited at light touches be it on the skin
or on the penis I actually prefer it looser it feels soft and gentle and that's what puts me over the edge all right for more listener feedback check out struggle session where respond to listener and reader comments every Thursday
at savage.love that's for Magnum subs only become a Magnum sub now at savage.love and now for everybody listener response calls hi Dan this is an abortion worker with some information that might be helpful to people in Louisiana right now for the people who were trying to use miso
and miffy the M&Ms there are two ways that you can use miso one is to insert the tablets vaginally and let them dissolve there for half an hour the other is to insert them in the mouth between the cheeks and gums and let them dissolve there for half an hour both methods are safe both methods are effective but there can be remnants left behind with the vaginal method that could be used in a court of law if you do the cheeks and gum method you can leave the tablets
there to dissolve for half an hour then you can take a drink of water use mouthwash or whatever switch those things around and then they will no longer be visible to a doctor or nurse or anyone in the event that you have to go to the ER or to see a physician wish this was an advice I needed to give but hopefully it helps.
This is a response for the caller in the last episode who wanted to know if he should tell his children about his affair I am the child of two parents that had an affair please don't please don't I've spent so much money on therapy discussing my parents relationships when I shouldn't have to my
parents relationships or my parents relationships they're not in my business I don't want to hear about it your kids will thank you later I found out at a very young age because my parents told me I think they thought it was the right thing to do and I think it's the most fucked up thing that they could have done please don't tell your kids please don't tell your kids let your wife hear this please don't tell your kids.
Hi Dan I'm calling to respond to the woman who wanted to dabble in or return to sex work as a sugar baby but doesn't actually want to necessarily have to have sex and doesn't want it to be a requirement or expectation I'm a 10 year veteran of sex work in almost every capacity and I'm going to level with you that is truly delusional we've all had the pretty woman fantasy where you know Richard gear pays us to sit around and look pretty because we're just
so interesting and so unique and we're just not like the other girls but that isn't a reality at least not in 99.99% of cases in sex work and like Dan said in his response you can start by putting no sex in your ads either on seeking
arrangements or on Twitter which by now I think we can all agree we will never call X but in the vast majority of cases dudes are seeking a sugar baby because they're looking for a less expensive version of a hooker and I can say that because I've been a very inexpensive hooker you can try the site
cuddle up for like non sexual intimacy but just remember that sex work is called sex work for a reason and if all of us sex workers only had sex when we returned on and spoiled by some handsome sugar daddies or mommies we'd never actually be having sex it's called sex work because we're generally
having sex or being sexual when we're not turned on because we have to do it to earn a living and that's what makes it a job and we're going to leave it there we've got three great ways for you to get us your questions or comments for future shows record your question comments
savage.love slash ask dan or you can make a voice memo and your very own phone and email us your question or comment at q at savage.love or call our landline and leave us a message at 206 302 206 4 the spring tour of hump 2024 part one in theaters wrapped up over the weekend
but part one of hump 2024 is now streaming online where everybody who didn't make it to a theater go to humpfilmbest.com slash streaming and watch hump now in your own home anywhere in the world now is also the perfect time to get started on your submission for hump 2025
go to humpfilmbest.com slash submit to learn how to make the perfect dirty little film for our wonderful dirty little film festival there is no charge there's never been a charge to enter hump and every filmmaker who's film makes it into the show gets a cut of every ticket sold
thousands of dollars every year annually going to each and every filmmaker you can find all the info you need on making and submitting your film for hump at humpfilmbest.com slash submit follow me on instagram and threads at dan savage follow me at blue sky at dan savage
and film by me on the bad place at fake dan savage follow jared goldstein on threads and instagram at hey jared hey the savage love cast has produced every week by Nancy hertunian and me and Nancy and the tech savvy at risk you the whole gochad genet gang we'll be back at you next week mother installment of the savage love cast thank you for telling the ring