Savage Love Episode 1006

You're listening to the Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage's sex and relationship show for grown-ups. If you're under eighteen, get out of here, you. Inanimate object. It's not a sex thing. Some people do have a sex thing about being treated like inanimate objects used as footstools or tables. I think the way these people, these inanimate object want to be perverts.

I think the way they get off on being treated like inanimate objects highlights just how non-actually objectifying the kind of objectification we're told is not okay, never okay, because people aren't objects, even though people are objects. We meet all the criteria. The Oxford English Dictionary, my favorite dictionary where I have a citation, my proudest professional achievement. The Oxford English Dictionary defines

object as a material tangible thing that can be perceived by the senses, a material thing that can be seen and touched. So we are objects. What we want, the sweet spot, is finding someone who can do both, as they say. A partner who can appreciate you for the object, for the material thing that you are, who amongst us does not want to be seen and touched, but a partner.

who doesn't lose sight of our humanity, our soul, for lack of a better word. The thing about each of us that is immaterial. But someone who wants to be used as a footstool, that guy wants to be an inanimate. My thing about objects isn't a desire to be treated like an inanimate object or treat someone like one. I just collect things, objects, memento.

Pieces of the Berlin Wall, my grandmother's infant at Prague, a mug from a bar I worked at in high school where I shucked oysters, Grubber's Oyster Bar, Rest in Peace. I keep these things because I don't keep a diary, and all of these inanimate objects scattered around my house. remind me of people and places I've been and the things I've done and the people who've seen and touched me.

This is a long wind up just to say I don't have an objectification kink, but if I had to be an object, if I was destined to come back in my next life as an inanimate object. Man, I wanna be a case of condoms at the Olympic Games. Hell, I wanna be a pallet of condoms. Because if I was a case of condoms at the Olympics or a pallet of condoms or a truck full of condoms, Oh man, tell me what I would be, Kristen Chennewith. What would I be? You will. You're gone.

Popular. Popular. I would be popular. Very, very popular. Because if there's anything Olympic athletes like, maybe not as much as gold medals, but nearly as much as gold medals. It sucks with condom. As Danny Alfonso reported for the Athletic this week, organizers of this winter's Olympic Games.

Stocked the athletes' village, the temporary home of three thousand young adults in peak physical condition. Organizers stocked the village with ten thousand condoms. The Winter Olympics goes on for seventeen days. All of those ten thousand condoms were gone in three. By comparison, at the last Summer Olympics with Eight thousand athletes, they stocked the place with three hundred thousand condoms and still Ran out.

A spokesperson for the local organizing committee told The Athletic Saturday upon some reports that supplies in the Olympic village were temporarily depleted due to higher than anticipated demand. Additional supplies are being delivered and will be distributed across all villages, the official set.

I'm not a woo-woo type, I'm not spiritual. I don't really think humans have souls, but I sometimes think objects do. I can hold two opposed ideas in my mind at the same time without stroking out due to cognitive dissonance. And I think. There is no happier object on this earth than a palletful of condoms arriving in the Olympic village in Italy on day four. And if I had to come back in my next life as an object,

The condom in the Olympic village wouldn't be so bad. It would be a short life I would quickly be ready for the next if reincarnation, and sometimes reincarnation as objects was a thing, But you know, it would literally be the only way I'd ever find myself wrapped around an Olympian's dick and I'd take.

Gang, I realize this is the second week in a row where I've fantasized out loud about being an object. Last week I ended with if I was a dildo, I could think of worse ways to go than being thrown at a car full of ice schoon. which activists were doing in Minneapolis with old dildos during Operation Dildo Blitz. Last week dildos, this week condoms. I swear I don't have an objectification kink, but I wouldn't blame you if you were getting suspicious.

Anyway, most of my listeners loved Operation Dildo Blitz and my remarks about Operation Dildo Blitz last week, but one, Mark, emailed me to condemn Operation Dildo Blitz, which is so much fun to say. Operation Dildo Blitz. Calling it, calling Operation Tilto Blitz, an empty gesture, a temper tantrum, not helpful, unlikely to accomplish anything. Mark Mark. You are wrong. There is a morale crisis at ICE, as the New York Times reported on January 26th.

Headline: long hours, arrest quotas, and public vitriol all taking a toll, a significant toll on morale, according to the New York Times report. So, calling them assholes, ice agents, screaming at them in the streets, blowing whistles, telling them they suck, throwing dildos at them. It is working. We need to keep it up. James Laura tweeted at me when I tweeted about this. I'm gonna show up at your workplace, Dan, and do all these things. How would you like that?

James, if I pulled up on your block and it was my job to kidnap your neighbors and disappear them into a network of I don't know what, savage Lovecast branded gulags where I force them to listen to my podcast? prison camps where I made people like, review, and subscribe, and denied the medical care and separated them from their children. I would hope people would show up at my workplace and scream at me. Maybe don't throw dildos at me, I'd like that, but definitely scream at me.

All right, coming up on today's show, a listener is worried that we aren't seeing enough evidence of lube in gay sex scenes on television, which allows us to talk once again about Yeah, that show, that show, that gay hockey show. A new widow is grappling with a high libido and a lefty woman is being tormented by stealth magamen on dating apps.

And joining me on the Magnum Savage Lovecast, which you can subscribe to at Savage.love for more show, more guests, more calls, more questions in Savage Love, invites to Savage Love Live, and more. On the Magnum this week, I chat with Dr. Nicole McNichols. Nicole, the sex professor, teaches about human sexuality. Her class, the diversity of human sexuality, is the most popular course at the enormous University of Washington here in Seattle.

She has a new book out, You Could Be Having Better Sex. And Nicole, the sex professor, is here to talk with me about how to avoid bad sex and how to make the good sex you might already be having even better. All that coming up on today's show. Nancy, let's get to that first call. This episode is brought to you by MIL, odorless, effortless, fully automated food recycler. Try MIL risk-free for 90 days and get$75 off at Mill.com slash Savage and use Savage at checkout.

This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep, makers of the best mattresses ever. And right now my listeners get 27% off site wide when you go to helixsleep.com slash seven. This episode is brought to you by VB Health, doctor formulated supplements that work. To learn more about load boost, drive boost, and soaking wet, and to get 10% off, visit vb.health and use the code SAVID.

Hi Dan. You have said quite often recently that you think heated rivalry is a really realistic portrayal of gay sex and that you commend it for that. But there's something very unrealistic about the gay sex in heated rivalry and many other TV shows and films, and that is all the anal sex without lube. They just spit on their hands and then pound each other's asses with no loop. Does that really happen in the real world because

I've never experienced that. I need like tons and tons of lube, and I've slept with hundreds of gay men and never done it with saliva alone. And I've seen this This scene w where They are fucking with saliva alone in Broke Back Mountain, Game of Thrones, another recent T V show, Industry, I saw that.

I think they did that on Pillion as well and on Plain Clothes, two other recent gay films. And I just see it all the time. And I'm glad that gay sex is more visible and pe it's being normalized on film and television. But why is there no lube? Oh no, another heated rivalry question.

Oh no. There are lots of things you don't see in Heated Rivalry that are implied. You see condoms, Shane Hans, Ilya condoms, but you don't see a condom getting rolled onto a dick. You don't see a condom being thrown into

the trash in the bathroom afterwards. We hear about a dildo, we don't see the dildo. We assume Shane must be douching. Shane is a methodical person and a perfectionist, but we do not see a douche bulb And we know from context clues that Ilya does the right thing and eats Shane's ass before he fucks him for the first time. Ilya is a gentleman. We don't get a perspective shot from Shane's hole showing Ilya's tongue on its final approach, but we know it is gentlemen.

happening. So there could be, just like a douchebulb could be happening out of the shot moments before, there could be lube being applied. We can infer its presence like we can infer the presence of a douche bulb. We can infer its application, but we don't see it necessarily. We don't see every beat of the sex, and maybe best practices it would be good in one of these shows, in all these shows that you mentioned. If we saw somebody using actual lube and not just spit. It is, however, possible to

Fuck someone's butt without lube just using spit. I do not think it's possible the way I saw it done in Pillion, I do not think it's possible the way I saw it done in Broke Back Mountain. Eat two cans of beans and then spit on a deck? No, that's not how you do it. Basically

You gotta eat that ass for a very long time. Mucus is produced throughout the GI tract. When you think about giving a blowjob, it's spitty and the spit is thin at first, and then suddenly, if you're really getting into it, you're really stirring up that. face with your dick or your face is getting stirred up with somebody else's dick. it gets slick. That's mucus, oral mucus, stirred up by

Dick. The same process can happen at the other end, the far end of the GI tract. If you get in there and eat that ass, not only you're getting it wet with your spit, not only you're relaxing the whole, you're inducing the creation or the production

of rectal mucus. And that sounds so gross. Rectal mucus. People think that's gonna be poopy or brown or khaki or centaurmy. And it's not. It's slick. Just like Oral mucus, and if there's enough relaxation of the hole through eating of the ass, and enough spit being pumped into that hole, and enough rectal mucus. meaning the moment it is possible to fuck somebody's ass without lube. Or with the rectal mucus in the spit acting.

as the lube. Gotta go really slow. Just because you were able to fuck somebody's ass without lube one time, or able to have your ass fucked without lube one time, doesn't mean you're gonna be able to fuck that ass, or have your ass fucked every time without lube.

And the refusal of so many, I don't know, producers, directors, writers who make T V shows and films about gay people and are showing more explicit gay sex scenes now than ever, the refusal of them across the board to ever show the application of lube, even the presence of lube, a lube bottle on a nightstand. does seem a little pathological. Like we're getting a message there. A kind of deep coated

sex negative message that it's fine for two people to get carried away in the moment and suddenly have anal sex. It's not fine for two people to have premeditated anal sex, which is what the lube bottle would indicate. Not just Although there's a lot of build up in

heated rivalry to the anal. There's a lot of conversation between Ilya and Shane about whether Shane's ever been fucked in his ass or wants to be fucked in his ass before they finally or before Ilya finally fucks him in the ass. But in most shows it's just

ass fucking an impulse. And I think the message there, the implicit message, is kind of sex negative and a little homophobic that It's fine to do this gross thing if you're so carried away by passion in the moment that you wind up doing this gross butt sex thing, but if you walked your ass down to the sex toy shop or you got on Amazon and ordered a bottle of spunk or boy butter

in advance of the ass fucking that you wanted to have, or hope to treat your partner too, that that's somehow not just a sin of commission, but a sin of intent. And yeah, I will throw my colossal cultural weight behind let's see a lube bottle. At least on a nightstand, we don't need to see or hear the lube being squirted out of the bottle and onto the butthole or onto the deck.

But maybe in the shot, in the frame, we could see, as we saw in Heated Rivalry, condoms being retrieved from a nightstand drawer and handed by one boy to the other boy, we could see a lube bottle every once in a while. I'm pro that. But yeah, surprised to hear from a gay man who's had sex with hundreds of guys, and never gotten by with just spit, but not just spit, spit and rectal mucus. It is a thing that we can do. It is, for some of us, a superpower. Hey Dan.

So I am a cisgender pansexual woman in her thirties. When I first discovered self pleasure, I was very young and what I would do is I would waited until I had to pee really bad and then I would lay on my stomach and put pressure in my vagina and then I would have these like mini orgasms and I remember doing it with my mom in the room and she was like, Don't do that. So I knew that it wasn't something that I could do, but I did it. I started doing it obviously in private. But this is kind of like

what's followed me throughout my life, this is something I still do to this day. I can't really come with a partner. It's really hard for me to a achieve orgasm and if I do, they're not Massive. the my my big orgasms usually happen with my vibrator, but every time that I come, I have to have my legs stretched out, almost like I'm in a plank position, but on my back. And my legs are stretched out and they're very I'm very tense. Like I'm not fully relaxed.

And I would like to be able to come in different ways, especially if I'm in a relaxed position. I would like to be able to come with partners because I feel It's almost like I'm embarrassed that I can't cop, so I usually fake them. Like I feel really good. I love having sex, but I'm never really able to fully finished. And every time I come, I'm not really thinking about anything sexual. Like I could be thinking about doing laundry, babies,

puppies anything and it's more about the sensation than where my mind goes. And I was just wondering if you or the listeners had any advice on how to go about this because I'm almost, you know, pushing forty and I'm still in this. I don't want this to be a part of my life. I want to have explosive in big orgasms without having this kind of like insecurity about the way that I come and how it happens. It's gonna be all movies today on the Savage Lovecast.

If you did not see when it came out a year or two ago, Baby Girl, starring Nicole Kidman, Go fucking watch that movie right fucking now. It opens with Nicole Kidman, who plays Romney, having sex with her husband, played by Antonio Benderas. And she's riding him and she's having partnered sex and PIV, heterosexual sex with her husband, and she has an orgasm. I sat there watching it going, that's a faked orgasm. And I was vindicated moments later.

after Antonio Banderas fell the fuck asleep after his orgasm, because Nicole Kidman's character patted down the hallway and went to a room by herself and closed the door. And then we saw how Romy actually has orgasms. laid on the floor, in kind of a plank position, tensed her body, tensed her legs, put her hands in her crotch, and basically humped the floor, and then had this growling, animalistic orgasm that looked nothing like

The pretty lady orgasm that she had riding her husband's perfectly adequate dick. That's how that character, Romy, that's how her orgasms work. She could have those kinds of orgasms. She could have the kinds of orgasms that work for her with a partner if she wasn't so embarrassed and ashamed about how her orgasms Work. You with your legs stretched out in a plank position on your back with a vibrator. OK Add a partner and then you're having your orgasm.

with a partner. You can have PIV, you can roll around, they can have their orgasm or you can shift in the middle of PIV into this position. You can have your first orgasm and then you can go back to PIV and then go back to this position after he has his orgasm and you can have another orgasm. This is how your orgasms work. And yeah, it probably because you carved a really deep groove into yourself when you were

very, very young. You've tried to wish this away. You've tried and tried and tried to have orgasms in different positions during different kinds of partner tech. And it doesn't work. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna have to accept that this is how it works and bring your partners in from the cold. Stop faking orgasms with your partner. That's what we see, Rami at the end of baby girl.

do with her husband now that they've had a crisis because Rami cheated on him with somebody else and they had a crisis and opened up to each other about what it is what they were doing and what it is they actually wanted and how it was that Rami actually experienced pleasure and how she actually could climax with a partner, which looked nothing like the orgasms she felt obligated to perform for. Yes, you could, maybe. You're pushing 40, maybe another decade. of work and effort.

maybe you could carve a different groove into your body and learn how to have orgasms in a different position. Or maybe not, you could be in this position a decade from now. So why not, instead of throwing More effort after frustrated effort to Let go of the shame. Let go of the fucking shame. I have a partner. who has to be in a certain position when he comes, and it is not a problem when we are having sex to occasionally transition in and out of that position.

You can do the same. You just have to advocate for yourself. And I promise you: any dude who's worth your time, worth your pussy, worth your effort. wants you to get off, will be invested in you getting off, however getting off works for you. Just show. Hi, it's Nancy. We are all trying our best to do some good over here. And food waste is a critical climate issue that feels really hard to fix.

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Hey Dan. I am a straight 52-year-old GGG woman in the Midwest. No kids, one dog. I am objectively smart and sexy and gorgeous. But also my beloved husband of twenty years died thirteen months ago. And I'm very much early days. In that grieving process that He and I were crazy about each other as humans and also as sexual partners. And your podcast had a lot to do with that. So thank you in part for our beautiful sex life. His body was incredible and his skills made me howl at the moon

Couple months ago, widows heat arrived and I'm not sure what to do. I have zero desire to date. I have zero desire to get to know anyone. I just don't want someone to lean me against a wall. And give me deep, slow, wet kisses that last three days. To quote Bulderham.

Watching the most precious human in your life take their last breath as a way of really clarifying that every day is one to live, that a life is to live, and yet you know, after two months about of these intense desires, I am frozen. I am terrified of looking at a different body. I am terrified of having to speak to another human about my body and theirs. I am really terrified of creepy men on apps. So I'm not asking you to tell me what to do. I I know it's my decision.

But I'm asking if you have any thoughts about how I can think differently about this heat. How can I engage with these feelings so that I can figure out what to do next? I am so sorry for your loss. Listening to your call, uh I just ache for you. I hear you saying that a year after your beloved husband's death That you're ready for sex. Or sex has come for you. Sex is pulling you back in. Widow's heat has arrived.

And your body is ready for sex and your erotic imagination is going there and you're horny again, but emotionally. you're not ready to talk to another human being or look at another human being's body, or be present with another human being after you've been leaned up against the wall by that human being. You may not be emotionally ready for sex. So obviously the thing you should do right now with this horniness with this energy is

Christians, pray on it. We sex positive people living in our sexed bodies. masturbate on it. You should masturbate on it. I got a question a long time ago at the column from someone saying, is it weird to masturbate about dead celebrities? And my take was yeah, I think it is weird because I've always felt that masturbation should be hopeful and forward looking.

What I masturbate about, maybe this is just me being prescriptive about my own experiences and how my erotic imagination works. I want to masturbate about things that could happen. And so I want you to masturbate. If I were in your shoes, I'm gonna use I statements here, I wouldn't masturbate about my late husband, because that can't happen. in my future. I can treasure those memories

I can miss that. That can be my benchmark and hashtag goal and expectation from future lovers and future partners, but I would lean into masturbating about what's possible. for me going forward and who might be possible for me going forward. So I'm going to masturbate about it. make a really off the wall suggestion and maybe d this isn't for now. If you're not already in a widows support group, I would encourage you to join one.

There are virtual ones online now that make it easier for us to find our people in different support groups. If you go to the physical support group in your community, you might meet widows that you have very little in common with. If you have an online widow support group that draws from widows all over the world, you can curate that experience. You can hopefully find other widows very close to your age, your sensibility. And your experience of sex and relationships.

And I'm sure you will meet other women who have navigated exactly what you're navigating now. If you're not already meeting these women, if you're not already in a widow support group, that's such an obvious thing to do that I'm sure it has already occurred to you. But if it hadn't, if you aren't, please Join one. Talk to other women who

were where you are now a year ago or two years ago. You may find their perspectives much more helpful and constructive than mine. The off-the-wall suggestion I want to make Terrified of having to look at other bodies, vet other bodies. You're weirded out by creepy men. You don't want to talk to another human. You just want to get fucking fucked. And I recommend sex clubs.

certain kinds of sex parties. I think what people conjure up in their imaginations is this haronymous Bosch, hedonistic, decadent, dehumanizing seen that, you know, if you've been to Darklands in Antwerp, that. But straight sex clubs, straight swingers parties, maybe not now, but a year from now. They're very matriarchal. They're very much the well-run one.

about the comfort and safety of the women who attend. Because if women feel uncomfortable in a public sex environment, in a sex club, if they don't feel safe, they leave and don't come back and it collapses. So most sex clubs, sex parties, particularly you do your due diligence and you find one that's run by women that allow men that are about heterosexual sex.

you will be surprised if you're not already familiar with them, if you didn't go to them with your sexually adventurous husband during your marriage, you will find more care and consideration for your safety, for your comfort, for your emotional well being. than you might expect, or that other people who know nothing about these environments would expect. Again, not now, two months into Widow's Heat, but maybe a year from now.

If you're not ready to talk to somebody, if you don't wanna have to dig through the pile of creep, on the apps and do the legwork of vetting them. Hanging out in a public sex environment at a sex club. That's run by women, that's about women's needs, women's safeties, women's comfort, which then makes it possible for men to meet these women, women like you, you won't have to do much talking if you're not ready to talk.

And you'll be able to see that body and see that deck before you approach or decide. And maybe that's what you need right now, or where you might need a year for But this minute, masturbate on it, get into a widow support group if you're not already. And again, my heart goes out to you. My heart breaks for you.

Thank you for calling. And if there are any widows out there listening and you have something to share, please jump into the comments at savage.love or send us a voicemail and we might play it on an upcoming episode. This episode is brought to you by Helix Sleep. I've been doing a fair amount of traveling lately, and while I love checking out new places, I'm always so happy to get home.

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Hey Dan. Longtime listener and Magnum sub here calling from Vancouver BC. I'm a fifty three year old, straight cis man, recently broke up with my second wife, aged forty nine, who I started dating twenty five years ago. We have three kids, aged twelve, seventeen, and nineteen. We've been married for more than twenty two years. She told me she was by when we first met. Our relationship started with lots of fun sex which she often initiated and clearly enjoyed.

She got pregnant about a year into our marriage, which killed our sex life. Between pregnancies, miscarriages, three births, and extended nursing, she was pregnant or nursing for about fifteen years with a low libido except when she wanted to conceive again. The pandemic hit soon after she weaned our youngest, who was then five, we isolated in our family bubble. It wasn't sexy.

As the pandemic waned on Valentine's Day 2021, I took her out to a COVID conscious restaurant and suggested we open our relationship. I told her I wanted her to be able to explore her bisexuality, but didn't want to be caught in a monopoly dynamic. She agreed enthusiastically. Just the idea of opening up sparked her libido and finally brought our sex life back with a vengeance.

My wife had more dating success than me. Whenever I did start dating or start seeing someone new, my wife's attraction to me revived, but she also became insecure and possessive. When I wasn't seeing anyone else, my wife would lose interest in sex with me. A little more than a year ago I had become the sub worshipper of a beautiful and demanding goddess when my wife started dating an AFAB non binary person across the border in Bellingham.

I was glad of her new connection because I hoped it would ease her insecurities about my relationship with the goddess, and my wife was asking for constant reassurance of my love and commitment whenever I had a date, and sometimes in the middle of those dates. The goddess dumped me last spring, saying that my wife and I needed to work on our attachment issues. That plunged me into depression for months. I've been on a couple of dates since then, but haven't clicked with anybody.

Uh my wife and her partner celebrated their first anniversary shortly before our youngest child's twelfth birthday, which was a week before Christmas. She came home from their anniversary weekend and informed me that she is a lesbian and doesn't want sex with people who have penises, like me. We've been separated since Christmas. My wife spends as much time as possible with her partner in Bellingham, but has to come back to Vancouver regularly for her job.

After returning from her partner's place in mid January, she took me out to tea to talk about our future and told me she had arranged for me to move into a friend's basement bedroom when she's at home. Her plan for the near term is that the kids stay in the family home while she and I alternate stretches at home and away. I'm reeling trying to support the kids, do my job, just hold it all together. I feel like I'm starting again from scratch at fifty three.

I'm reeling too, after listening to your call. There wasn't really a question there at the end. I have some questions for you. Why is it up to your soon-to-be ex-wife? where you live or how you structure your co-parenting arrangement in the wake of her realizing she's a lesbian and that she's done with Dick. She gets to pick a basement, bedroom, and somebody's house for you, some depressing hole to stuff you in when she wants to be in the house with the kids.

She doesn't get to impose those kinds of terms on you. You guys have to hash out your separation and divorce agreement together. And hopefully you can do that in a low conflict, non-retaliatory way. And I believe that you can, at least from your side, not be Vindictive. You don't sound particularly angry about how all of this has played out. Or your wife.

controlling and selfish bullshit reindeer games after you opened the relationship and she was dating other people and that was fine. And then every time you saw somebody else, she had a meltdown, which was Always a sign of somebody who wants an open relationship for themselves, but wants their partner to be a houseplant. And now

You are out from under her thumb. You are free to meet, date, fuck, whoever you want, without having to run it by or through your wife, your ex wife, the woman from whom you are separated, Cause it's not her business anymore, not her monkeys, not her dickin' balls, not her circa. You might want to reach out to your goddess and see if she is still available to goddess you now that you are no longer having to answer to your wife. You are free to attach to her in your own way without

Drama or bullshit. But you need to figure out what you can do for the next few years about these kids, not all of whom are 18 yet. We're gonna have a nesting home. And this is something that some people who divorce do, some couples who divorce do, they keep the kids in one place.

Rather than the adults getting two places and the kids having to run back and forth, and I think this is a really good idea. The adults both get their own places and shuttle back and forth to the family home. But that's only going to go on for what? Five more years, six more years, and then you will be completely free. Your kids will be adults, hopefully off to college or in their own places, and you can sell the family home and live independent.

But dude, if you don't like that basement of bedroom, your wife doesn't get to confine you there. And if you wanna continue to live in the house with your kids. and co parent with the wife from whom you are separated. You can live in the house that you own with your wife, and you should be able to, good practice, be under the same roof.

Do a little co parenting together, move into separate bedrooms, and share that house if that's what you want. Honestly, just listening I listened to your call twice. The tone of your voice fills me with hope that you and your soon-to-be ex-wife can stick the dismount here, that it's not gonna be ugly, that you're not gonna go to war with each other.

But you need to stand up for yourself. You need to come to terms with your wife about how you're going to unwind your marriage and structure your homework. You can't let her dictate terms to you about this. This episode of the Savage Lovecast is brought to you by Soaking Wet by VB Health, the world's first probiotic specifically designed for vaginal and vulva health and wellness.

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Hey, Nancy and Dan, curious what your thoughts are on straight men hiding their political affiliation. I have my profiles marked liberal that I care about women's rights and my bio even states I'm a proud childless cat lady and I seem to keep attracting hidden MAGA men whose bios say they are moderate or apolitical.

I've been on a handful of dates recently where when I bring up politics they all switch and start talking MAGA talking points. Is this a red state thing or have you heard from other listeners of this happening to them too?

beginning to think, based on what I'm hearing from particularly the younger women in my life, that all the good ones are gay or taken, all the good ones meaning all the liberal progressive Dudes out there, all the non maga dudes out there, and MAGA Dudes, repulsive MAGA dudes that most women want nothing to do with are consequently overrepresented in the dating pool.

And so you have to do your due diligence. I really feel that now is a time when all good men are Take a fucking stand and identifying as apolitical in a moment like this?

Or as a moderate? What's the moderate position on shooting an ICU nurse in the back ten times? Is it shooting him in the back five times? Identifying as a moderate At this moment on a dating app identifying as non-political, that's really the guy telling you that he's secretly MAGA, but he knows that's gonna interfere with him getting his foot in the door or getting the tip in, and so he's going to hide the ball. Maybe until you've given him a chance to prove he's so fucking charming.

And the dick is so good that you'll keep riding that dick, even though you know that dick, the next time he has an opportunity to go into a voting booth is going to vote to strip you and me and everybody that you care about of their rights? Yeah. Lead with it. Put it out there, not interested in dating anybody who's MAGA, anybody who voted for Trump, anybody who's curious about voting for Trump.

If you voted for Trump once or twice or three times, you will never, ever get to taste my pussy. Just put it in your dating profile. Scare these Scared fucking asshole child men off.

You will be competing for the diminishing supply of liberal and progressive dudes out there, many of whom are taken. They're in demand. You look at The growing political divide between young men and young women and increasingly young men are more MAGA, more conservative, and young women are more liberal and more progressive, and young MAGA men will say to researchers that they're open to dating women who are liberal or progressive. Just another way, you know, to own the libs.

But women are not interested in dating men who would like to see the twenty third amendment repealed or think Nick Fuentes is a thought leader or Matt Walsh is a right on guy. Yeah, no. So you're gonna have to work a little harder, or maybe go in with a couple of girlfriends, find one liberal progressive boy that you can share. But this is happening. Guys are going stealth MAGA because they know that being openly MAGA is

dries pussy up, that it is fucking repulsive to women. And yet, they would rather wear the red hat than get the wet pussy. You might just have to let'em let'em have the red fucking hat. Angry, unfuckable hate nerds, they're just churning'em out. Sad state of affairs. Feel bad for young women everywhere. Really do.

All right, time for listener feedback. First up, a few comments, listeners left in the comment thread about last week's show at Savage.lo. Says Ted the Bellhop, I went on vacation for the first week of the year and was somewhat disconnected. Great time, but I do not think I'll do that again. I feel like I'm still trying to get my life back in order and catch up on things.

That was my extensive preamble to say that I just listened to After Action Report 14. Dan, you have got to get the gangbang concierge on the podcast. In the meantime, can you let us know the website? Indeed, I can if you are in Australia and you want to book a bespoke. Gangbang for yourself or your partner. Check out theplaypen.com.au.

It says Andy in Chicago, Dan, stop spreading lazy misinformation about recycling. While plastic recycling is largely a farce in the United States, recycling steel saves ninety percent of the energy it would cost to make new steel. Aluminum recycling saves seventy five percent. People often do not care about recycling anymore because people have heard that plastic recycling is ineffective and have given up on recycling in general.

Recycling is an essential part of fighting climate change, Dan, and we need to stop trash talking it, especially if we are ignoring nuance. Two fish in a tank, who agrees with Andy, directed me and everybody else to a piece at Medium headlined Why Recycling is useless and why you should do it.

Anyway, we will put a link in the show notes. And finally, says Black David to the woman whose boyfriend doesn't want a vasectomy because he isn't sure whether he wants to have kids at some point. Tell him this. I get it. I felt that way. My solution was an insurance policy. I froze a few loads and then got the vasectomy. It's easy, you can do it from home and ship it in. Much simpler and much cheaper than freezing eggs.

I drove myself to the procedure, drove myself home. The peace of mind is great. My partner respects the commitment to their safety. Need it be said. And David adds, Raw pussy is so good. Got something you want to say about something I said on this week's show? Go to Savage.love and say it in the comment thread. And now, Savage Love listeners who called in and left voicemails on our answering machine about last week's show get to have the last word on this week's show.

Hey, this is for the caller who has less capacity for processing than their person. I would say yes and to what Dan said, which is to have the high processing person do some some initial work with friends or therapists. and also to, you know, plan for the processing. so that when you do get around to it you can really get into it and also set up some ground rules of like, okay, just so you know, I'm only gonna be able to do this for a little while so it

Yes, I want to process with you, but maybe not for three hours. Yes, I want to process with you, but can we wait until the end of the week? It's a good habit to get into to lead in the middle. Hey Dan, this is in response to the caller who wanted her boyfriend to get a vasectomy because she was getting her IED out, and you said that it would be laughable if he asked her to get vegetables. an equivalent surgery, getting her tubes tied, but I would say that getting an IUD put in

is already more invasive and more painful and has much more serious side effects than even a worst case scenario getting your ball snipped. And she's already done that at least once and she's about to get it out, which is also a horrible procedure. much more painful than getting a little shot in your balls.

And she's already done that for the relationship. The only difference between that is that it's not permanent, but it's fucking painful as hell. And I the last time I had my IED put in, my doctor was like, Yeah, this is comparable to childbirth. Not as bad, but not laughable to compare them together. So that's how bad it is. And they only just started giving women an aesthetic for that procedure.

Hi Dan, I'm calling in response to the caller from episode one thousand and five who went on a rant about beards. Strong disagree. I'm a bisexual woman also living in the Northeast, and I love a man with beard. I think it's really hot. And I also think they feel great. They feel great when you're being kissed. It's a nice contrast. Soft lips and beard. It's great rubbed on your breast.

They should not feel like anything you would clean a dish with, unlike what this caller said. Men need to use conditioner and beard oil to have nice, soft, great feeling beards.

At q at savage.love or something. and leave us a new and you want to tell me about it, you can in Portland, Oregon at Revolution. February twenty. And watch the trailer. Follow me on Blue. At Dan Savage. all things Nicole the Sex Professor. where you can order yourself a copy. Me and Nancy and the tech semester. We will all be back at you next week on our installment of the Savage Love Cap.

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