¶ Choosing the Lens
If you've ever been to the eye doctor , you'll know exactly what this is Better one or two , one or two Better , here or there , here or there . I remember getting fitted for glasses for the first time .
I was 12 years old and it took me bumping into things and basically failing sixth grade math for me to actually consider a visit to the eye doctor for whatever reason .
Sixth grade took a toll on my eyesight and rather than thinking I think I need glasses , I can't see , or commenting to my mom I'm having trouble seeing , I just kept bumping into things and in that time I decided a few things . I decided I can't catch and I can't do math .
I couldn't see well enough to catch the ball that was coming towards me or to swing when they were pitching to me . So I decided softball wasn't working for me and everyone was playing . I couldn't do it . I couldn't hang , so I decided to take myself out of it . Soccer was fine .
I could follow the blurry mass of people and I could feel the ball in my feet and the goal was just big enough that I could kick for that . But softball is just not working . So I decided I can't catch Mrs SK . She was a tough math teacher and the chalkboard was just far away enough that I just couldn't make it out .
And so I would nod my head like I understood what she was saying , but I just couldn't see to see any different and my eyesight was just a mess . So I decided I can't do math . So it took getting a 64% on a math test and getting a big trouble for me to finally break down and cry saying I can't see .
The next day we were in the Lenscrafters at Lake Forest Mall and I remember right where we were on the second floor , because all the while that the doctors checking my eyes , I could smell the Mrs Fields chocolate chip cookies baking across the way and the doctor was saying here or there , here or there , one or two , better one or two .
Going through all the lens options felt like it was taking forever . But when they gave me my tortoise shell cat shaped glasses because this was 1987 and I looked amazing I cried . I actually cried . I could see and I was realizing all the things that I hadn't been able to see . Things were clear and sharp .
I couldn't believe how different everything and everyone around me looked . I remember it so vividly because my emotions were so intense at that time . Not only was I grateful , very grateful to see , but I was mad that it took so long for me to figure out or just even to say , hey , I need help , I can't see .
Or being mad at my mom because why couldn't she tell that I was bumping into things . Or Miss SK , why is she failing this ? All this to say , let's consider your sight . You might be used to bumping around through things in your life . It might even feel comfortable at this point because you're used to it .
But how you see and what you are not seeing is leading you to making some decisions in your life . Are you looking at you , at your life , through the lens of your brokenness or through your belovedness ? How you see you and your life , the lens that you choose , is important . Think of how you are deciding , what it's based on , how you're seeing .
I'll ask again is the lens that you're seeing through the lens of brokenness or belovedness ? With my blurred vision , I had decided two things right . I can't catch and I can't do math . If shame is blurring your vision and pain has broken the lens through which you see , what are you deciding ?
About your heart , about your body , about your worth , about your future , about God , with the kind of sight through which you're seeing ? That's lens one . Take some time to answer those questions Looking to the future with fear , with shame , with guilt , with doubt , that leads to anxiety .
But now let's consider lens two belovedness , because looking to the future with compassion and grace and understanding , that leads to vision . With my new glasses , 12-year-old Andrea gave softball another shot and discovered it is not my thing , soccer's my thing , I love soccer . There's no shame . There's no , I can't . There's no , I'm not good enough .
There's no isolating myself . With my new glasses , 12-year-old Andrea realized I was making excuses for my bad math grade because , while the chalkboard might have been plenty far enough away , the textbook was pretty close , so I just needed to try harder and give the homeworker a little bit more time .
I made different decisions for me about me because of plastic lenses .
¶ Choosing Between Belovedness and Brokenness
Imagine , imagine how different you can see you and your life with a new lens , a lens of your belovedness . Lens one brokenness sees from a place of shame , while using tools like loneliness and doubt . And then lens two your belovedness sees from a place of dignity and value , while using tools like curiosity and honor and honesty and compassion .
One or two better , here or there . I want to take you by your hand to get your vision checked . But let's try today . You can try this on your own today . Can you get curious about what you're choosing to see , how you're choosing to see ?
Pray for God to highlight the lens that you're choosing to highlight the decisions you're making based on that lens , on that vision , on how you're seeing . Looking through a lens of brokenness might sound like I never , I can't , I always fill in those blanks when you land on one . Take that decision to the Lord .
Ask Him for eyes to see the areas of brokenness and how they can become pathways to your healing , because , if anyone can make a way , ask Him to subtract the guilt and the shame . Even just for a day , just for a day , try out seeing through the lens of your belovedness .
I wonder where your sight will take you , how you'll see you and when you bump into that decision that you've made . Just stop , just stop a moment . Consider it with care . Try to see it differently . The God of promise says in Habakkuk that he's doing something in your days and he says in Jeremiah that he's planning a future and hope for you .
Where's your focus ? How are you seeing ? You don't want to miss it , and if you give the new lens a shot , I want to know about it . I want to know what you're seeing . I want to know what the Lord is highlighting for you . I'm praying for you as you consider one or two Better , one or two here or there , beloved or broken .
Beloved or broken , try beloved .