2 Coaches, 6 Tips + Scripts to Help You Ask for a Raise and Get It

Jamie Lee:
Welcome to negotiate your Career Growth. I'm Jamie Lee, and I teach you how to blend the best of negotiation strategies with feminist coaching so you get promoted and better paid without burning bridges or burning out in the process. Let's get started. Anxiety is created in the brain, the habit of freezing up when you encounter that one difficult person at work, as well as the habit of ruminating on your perceived faults to the point that you miss out on what's good right now. All these habits are also created in the brain. Sometimes the only thing that's really in the way of you asking for the growth you want and getting it is your brain. But here's the good news. Here's the great news. You can change your brain. No, I don't mean a brain transplant. I mean, you can rewire your brain. You, you can create new neural networks so that you have new habits of thinking, feeling, and responding in a high stakes conversation so that you can show up to them with calm confidence.
I am going to show you how join my brand spanking new virtual training. This training is called Practical Neuroscience for Negotiation Confidence. It's going to be held on Tuesday, February 7th at 12:00 PM Eastern standard time. And yes, if you register it, and if you can't make it, you will get the replay sent to you. So register today and share this training with anyone you know who can benefit from learning how to rewire their brain for greater negotiation confidence. The link is in the show notes today, I'm sharing you with you a recording of a LinkedIn live session that I did with a fellow leadership and communication coach, Iveta Skova Iveta, who's based in Europe. She reached out to me last year through LinkedIn and she invited me to do a joint LinkedIn live session with her on how you can ask for a race. So this LinkedIn live, uh, at this event, she and I each shared three tips as well as word by word scripts that you can try on right away.
You're also gonna learn what to keep in mind, but you don't feel confident speaking up for yourself. How to research for your pay raise, what to say to folks that you know. So you can collect real data points from real people, you know, which in my experience I have found to be so much more compelling than anonymous data on the internet. You're also going to learn how to demonstrate your thought leadership and readiness while asking for the race. And you're gonna learn what to do so that you don't feel indebted or disempowered at the negotiation table. And what to do if your manager lacks people management skills and they don't give you constructive feedback or they say you're not ready for the promotion of the race that you want. I'm going to give you some real client stories about that. So this event was pretty much impromptu, like we hadn't rehearsed it at all, but there was so much actionable and valuable information, literally word by word scripts that you can use, and I think you will enjoy it. So without further ado, here it is six tips on how to ask your boss for a raise and get it

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
For those who are looking into asking for a raise this year. Or even if you are not actually looking to ask for a raise, but you are thinking about it, but you don't know how to ask or you don't feel super confident about it. This is a little workshop for you. Also, someone mentioned, sent me message yesterday that she's not looking for a raise, but she needs a little bit more, uh, sort of confidence and seeing the value in her and what she, what she does and show up more confidently at work. So that's absolutely fine, period. Even if you are not in a place asking for a race, still join us. You have nothing to lose this little workshop with Jimmy. It's going to last, I don't know, 20, 25 minutes. We'll see. Um, but we really, each of us prepare three wonderful tips that you can apply, take and apply straight away when we'll have this conversation with your, um, with your boss or manager.
Hello Akil. Hello Iran and wonderful. Can you hear us guys? Please let us know and let us introduce ourselves. I will just start, Jimmy, I will just say who I am and, and then I will give it over to you and you can start with your first, uh, wonderful tip. So, um, in a very quick nutshell, my name is Veto Zla Niva. I'm a communication leadership coach. I work mainly with women in tech and other male, male dominated, uh, fields. And, um, I help women to get hurt and be promoted. And uh, you know, speaking skills is one of the big, big things. But also negotiation and other leadership skills is something that I help my clients with. And I don't work only with women, I work with men as well. Um, and I'm also, uh, the founder of financial community, which is called the speaking kes.com. So if it's an interest to you, you want some sort of a tips, a apart aside from what I will be sharing today, you can go there, you can check it out. It's straight under my right here. Uh, so that's me and Jamie over to you. Please introduce yourself and you can start with the first step.

Jamie Lee:
Hello everyone. Can you hear me okay? Is the sound and audio okay? I had to jump onto my laptop because just this morning, Chrome decided to act out <laugh> just as I needed to join this livestream <laugh>. So I'm based in New York City, I'm an executive coach. I help smart women get promoted and better paid without throwing anyone under the bus. And how do I do this? This I merit practical neuroscience with the best of mutual benefit negotiation strategies and, uh, what else can I tell you? Tips. Let's start with those tips <laugh>. So number one, if it feels awkward, know that you are doing it right. And the reason why I say that is that because for women, especially us women and people who are marginalized in this mostly patriarchal society, we just haven't had the much, uh, practice or the encouragement to own what we want and to ask for what we want.
And so in the workplace you can feel like, oh my God, I don't know, I don't know how to, how to advocate for myself. I don't know how to speak up. I don't know how to be confident in sharing my ideas, in suggesting that I get put up for a promotion or having the conversation about the race that I know I truly deserve. Mm-hmm. So a lot of people think that if they feel slightly awkward, if they feel a little bit of tension, it means that they're doing something wrong. Because society has taught us that comfort equals confidence. But get this, especially that lady who wants to be more confident, you do not get more confident by doing things that you are already comfortable doing. You get more confident by doing things that are unfamiliar, uncomfortable. Now, having said that, you, you don't wanna make it awkward, you just wanna let it feel awkward. So let me give you a specific script. I suggest if you want to ask your boss for a raise or a promotion because you need the promotion to get the raise, don't ask, Hey, how do you feel about me getting a promotional raise?

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
<laugh>, that sounds weird. <laugh>,

Jamie Lee:
Not only is it weak language, you're sort of putting the manager up on the spot. Cuz now they have to formulate the, their ideas, they have to share their opinion with you, right? So don't say, how do you feel about my raise and promotion? Tell them I would like to be considered for a raise and promotion. And again, if it feels awkward, you're doing it right. So I'm just gonna pause right there. If it feels awkward, you're doing it right and don't say, how do you feel about my raise and promotion? Ask, I would like to be considered, when can we have a conversation? I'm gonna pause right there, Yvette, how would you like to proceed here?

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Yeah, no, uh, I think I will just, I will just share my my thoughts on what you just shared and then I will go with my one tip, um, and we can just sort of, um, go

Jamie Lee:
Back and forth.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Yeah, exactly. Go back and forth. Thank you, thank you. Uh, I love it Jamie. And I think, you know, um, what you are sharing about if it feels awkward, that's that's right. It should feel awkward that you are so right because, and it's just not the, you know, the world for women, but in general, we are not, you know, sometimes there's so much taboo about money, let me put it this way, right? And we are not used to talking about money. We are not used to asking for really what we want. In some cultures, yes, but in some cultures not. So just know, as you said, Jamie, what if it feels awkward, you are doing something right. It it shouldn't, it shouldn't feel super easy. So I love that too. Wonderful, thank you. Awesome. I will share my first step guys, and it's about, uh, before you even start the conversation with your boss about having a race or promotion, have a certain number in mind.
And when I say a certain number, I mean in your currency, in euros, dollars, you name it, or in percentage. Why is that? Because when you open up that conversation, when you start talking to your boss about a race, he or she will most likely ask you, you know, how much have you got a number in mind, or how much of a race would you like? And so on, right? And you don't want to show up in a position of, uh, I don't know, I thought anything between like a 10 20 k a raise. No, you want to know and you want to have that number in mind. Similar to what Jamie said, you've noticed the language is super important, what you say, and I will talk about it in my tip number three a little bit more, but the language is really, really crucial.
Okay? So have the number in mind. Now you might be thinking, oh my god, but I don't know, how much will I ask for 7%, 15%, 25, $20,000, 50,000 euros? How much shall I ask for? Great question. So first of all, obviously you've got Google, uh, you can search for PayScale websites, you can search by your job title, location. Years, years of experience was the approximately how much are people making, right? Although those websites are wonderful, they are not always super precise. So what I like to say to my clients is pick a friend or a colleague in your company or in a very similar type of organization and who, the person who is a little bit more ahead of you, maybe two years or five or even 10 years ahead of you, okay? And ask them, obviously you want to ask them directly. You don't want to say, Hey Jamie, you've been in this position as a senior program manager.
How much, how much are you making? No. In some cultures, again, be careful about it because in some cultures it's not, it's very rude to, to ask actually about, you know, how much are you making? In some cultures it's completely fine and obviously it also depends on the relationship that you've got with that person. But you can ask indirectly, I wrote a little script, okay? I will read it out loud right now for those who are like me and you are panicking because you need to write and listen at the same time. Do not worry. I wrote it down and I will share it with you after, after this, uh, workshop. Okay? So what you can ask your colleague is, Hey, I wanted to ask you a question. I am about to ask for a race at work. And I was wondering, what would you expect to be paid with you say the number of years of your experience and job title in a company.
Like, and you say to name if it's a big organization, then you say meta google booking.com, or you can say in a startup, right? So it can look like this, it can be, Hey Jamie, I want you to ask you a question. I'm, uh, about to ask for a race at work. And I was wondering, what do you, what would you expect to be paid with five years of experience as a senior program manager in a company like ey? And just listen what Jamie says, just listen of what the other person say, because most likely they will tell you, you know what? Right now, okay, I'm making that much. So I assume that with your experience, you should expect anything between 80 to 90,000, right? So you can ask indirectly. So my tip number one is have a specific number month.

Jamie Lee:
I think, I think I should be higher. <laugh>.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
You? What? What's that?

Jamie Lee:
I think that range should be higher if you're a senior program manager. I, I, I'm based in New York City, so you know, I'm, I'm filtering based on what I know for people to be making, uh, senior program manager probably like hundred hundred 50. Um,

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
I was thinking in pounds. That's why point,

Jamie Lee:
Sorry, interrupted. Please continue.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
No, no, no. That, that's it. That's my tip number one. Over to you, Jamie, and thank you for pointing that out,

Jamie Lee:
<laugh>. Yes, and I would love to add, I think that's great script and just another variation of that same script, same idea, is ask people what do you think is a reasonable figure for this role in this region, you know, in this industry? And I love what Veta just shared because for our brains, you know, when we see just these random anonymous figures, anonymous figures on payscale.com, whatever, like, it doesn't feel like, oh, that's possible for me. But when someone is sitting in front of you or someone is in a zoom room with you and they're, you know, that person and they're telling you, yeah, you can make hundred to hundred 50 US dollars, you know, if you're based in New York City or one of the big cities here, you be like, oh, wow, that's possible for me. And I know my clients who really succeed in negotiating, they always talk to their networks.
So having said that, tip number two, don't think about the ask as an ask for recognition. I know it's, it's like, doesn't make any sense because you're like, I wanna be recognized, but you wanna cultivate the habit of recognizing and validating yourself ahead of that conversation. If you go to that conversation with your boss, seeking that external validation from the boss, wanting them to give you that validation or recognition, you are going to feel less empowered. You are gonna be giving away that power to the boss because they don't give you that validation or recognition. Now you're like, oh, I don't feel great. So this is the skill I have my clients working on from day one. How do you internalize? How do you validate yourself? And another reason is, again, because of our brains, we do not like to feel indebted to other people.
And when we think about, I have to ask for the raise, I have to ask for that recognition, feel like, oh, we are old or, you know, we're gonna be indebted to the boss. But I think really smart career strategy is about like, thinking beyond that boss to yourself relationship. You wanna be even more strategic. And that's gonna be my, uh, point number three. But to put this into a useful script that you can implement today, instead of saying again, instead of saying like, how do you feel? Can I ask you for a raise? Can I ask you if you have time on your calendar? Right? This like very weak language, tell your manager, I have ideas, I have ideas on how I can add more value in a bigger role. And so I would not discuss that with you because the raise the promotion that you want. It's about demonstrating your future value. Now don't get me wrong, it does not mean that you have to do more work. It does not not mean that you have to like work 12 additional hours, <laugh>

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
<laugh>.

Jamie Lee:
It's not necessarily time and effort. It's being able to speak very strategically to the pain points and the goals of your organization and tying your promotion, tying you getting better paid to what the organization wants to achieve. So if you want more, uh, scripts and examples about that, I share them very generously on my own LinkedIn feed as well. So I encourage you to follow. And I also have, you know, Yvette has scripts. I also share my version of scripts. Yeah, Jamie lee coach.com

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Wonderful, Jamie, I love it. And, and I think, you know what, what's coming up for me? I had a conversation, I think it was on Monday, someone um, approached me on LinkedIn and she said, you know, like, I want to, I want to start my own business and I want to speak about my past and I've got do years of experience and I went through a lot of traumatic experiences in my life and I overcame it. And she said, could you give me one idea of how to start a business, how to be successful? And I told her, easy, you have to find a problem that people have and you want to help them to solve it. Why I'm saying that is, and if you think about every business is based on that, right? Like if any business, whether it's food, whether it's, you know, mobile, phone, doesn't matter.
Everything is about problems. And why I'm saying that, Jamie, is you said that exactly. We can take this analogy into asking for a raise because you want to sort of sell your vision and show your boss that, okay, here is a, here is a problem and I can help you to solve it, right? So here is a cha challenge. And so you are guys, as Jamie is saying, what I'm understanding is you want to sell what's possible. And also the other thing which is coming up for me as you spoke, you said you know that language. And can I ask you guys, there's nothing wrong about asking for money, okay? You've got to get over it because be because A, you are losing a lot of money. Just think about it. If you ask this month for a raise, let's say that you really deserve it and you know that in your gut, in your core, right?
You know that you deserve it. If you do not ask, let's say that you are losing, I don't know, $2,000 every single month, right? So it's 20 4K in a year, right? Like two, okay? Maybe it's it's 5,000, right? Or $10,000 a month, right? So think about it, you are losing so much money, so you want to know that, you know, asking for a raise, there is nothing wrong with it and your boss is used to it. You are probably not the only person in the company on or her or his team. So they are having these conversations, okay? So I love it. Thank you Jamie, so much for, for the tip number three.

Jamie Lee:
Can I, um, add something? Yes,

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Please.

Jamie Lee:
Um, I love what you said. Your boss cannot give you more money. I mean, most of the time, every once in a while I have clients who get spot bonuses they didn't ask for, but really they can't put you up for a promotion or a raise unless you put your hand up and tell them, I would like one. So everyone, I want you to practice the language of I would like, I would like to be better paid. I would like to be put up for a promotion, practice that with yourself and practice that with other people. And then by the time you go to have that conversation with your boss, it's just gonna be like, yeah, I would like this. And it's not about you, it's not a personal thing. It's about the value of your work, the value of your contributions.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
I can't, I can't agree with more with you. And, and, um, you know, if you don't ask, you don't get right. As I always say to people, you know, like nobody is the same. Like, you know, like my team, they have to ask for race, you know, like you won't basically you have to speak up, you have to tell me, you know, and show me what's possible and how you are going to justify this, right? So, uh, love this. Let's move on to step number four. Okay guys, again, for those who are joining us now, you don't have to write it it down. I will send you a script. So what I'm going to read, you will have it in written form right now. I want you to pay attention. Tip number four, I call it the three A rule. Okay? Three A a number one stands for achievements.
A number two stands, sorry, appreciation, achievements and ask. What it means is, I want you to remember that when you are going to speak with your boss about a race, you want to first of all express the appreciation that you have the opportunity to work for that company and you know, and being in that role, right? Number two, you want to talk about achievements, your achievements in the company over the past year, six months, five years, how long you've been there. And I want you to, I don't want you to just say, you know, oh yeah, so I'm managing this team and this big project. No, I want you to be very specific, okay? I want you to think in numbers. Bs every company thinks, thinks in numbers. If you can tell your boss how much money you have brought or how much costs you have saved, or how much more efficient the company is, meaning again, translating in money, right?
Um, or people, number of people on your team, you are managing think in numbers and pick three specific achievements that you have accomplished. Okay? So appreciation, achievements, and then you ask, okay, again, I wrote a little script and it can, sounds like this, sounds like this, okay. Example, Caroline, I want you to tell you that I really appreciate the opportunity I've been given in the company. Okay? That's the appreciation. Now I'm going into achievements. I'm really proud of myself and the team that we have exceeded the goals we have set for ourselves in the past two quarters. I'm managing a team of seven instead of three. And the progress with the A one three project we have made is enormous. There has been a 15 person increase in the abdo downloads, which is fantastic. Okay, so I've mentioned three achievements and now I will ask, I was wondering if we could talk about increasing my salary to reflect my work. That's it. And then you are silent and you just listen what Caroline, your boss in this case will say. Okay, Jamie, any thoughts on that?

Jamie Lee:
I think it's great. And again, my suggestion is add to it by talking about how your work is positively impacting not just your team, but maybe your boss and maybe other departments, right? You wanna, you wanna highlight the value beyond just what is getting done. So you may yourself, because I've increased the number of downloads because I'm managing more people now. Our team is running like a machine now we're, you know, highly efficient. Our, uh, customer complaints are, are going down, customers meeting customers are more happy. And when customers are more happy, we have better retained revenue and we have, when we have better retained revenue, we have higher profit margins.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.

Jamie Lee:
So it's awesome. I think ex of course appreciate of course achievements, of course ask, I just wanna encourage people to, and this is gonna like, hurt your brain to think about, okay, but what else is becoming possible? What is the impact of that that I may not see, but is on the minds of people who are making that decision? Because they wanna know, well, so what, why does it matter? Why is it moving the needle or not?

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Mm mm-hmm.

Jamie Lee:
<affirmative>, that's one thing that I would add. And that's something that I encourage all my clients. I like have them, like, I just, I keep asking them, okay, so what else becomes possible? Because you increased the number of downloads because you moved that metric, right?

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Love it. So it's sort of like a bird eye view, right? Not just focusing on my department, but actually looking from the app and seeing the connection. What, what is

Jamie Lee:
You wanna show your decision makers, the managers that you are already thinking at a higher level. Yeah. You are seeing the bird's eye view or that bigger picture.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Yeah.

Jamie Lee:
So the, and, and, but I think that what you just shared is really excellent place to start. Most of us, we, we all have to start there. So, um, what I would add, uh, to that tip number three is what you might anticipate when you have that conversation. We don't all have great managers, we don't all have people who know exactly how you can improve your skill. We don't all have people who are attentive paying attention. Not all managers care. Not all managers know how to great know how to do great and constructive feedback. And so many, uh, uh, times when I see women come to me and they're like, you know, I'm asking for the feedback. I wanna know what I can do to improve because if I work on that, then I know I can get my promotion and raise. And that is being set up to fail.
Because what if, like I said, your manager is not a great manager, they don't know how to give great feedback. What if they like, they don't, you know, their attention isn't thinking about what does, what does iveta need to do to improve her skills so that she can get promoted and better paid? Not all managers are doing that. You know, most managers are thinking about their problems. They're, they're thinking about, how do I get promoted? Yeah. How do I survive this day? How do I manage my workload? I'm so overwhelmed. I, I work with managers and they tell me that. Therefore my suggestion is when you go and you've done your three A's when you've expressed your appreciation, when you have listed your achievements, when you have made your ask, also think about how do I self-evaluate? Like think about from that bird's eye view, here's what I do know I did well, here's where I do think I can show up my skills. And so that you come to that conversation proactively offering solutions, proactively saying, here's, I know like this is how I improved. There's things that we talked about and I think from here, this is the, um, this other list of things. This is how I can really demonstrate my readiness and I'm ready and I'm open to your feedback on that.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Mm

Jamie Lee:
Mm-hmm <affirmative> that I, that's just so much more powerful than like, do you have feedback for me? How do I, how do I, how do I like show? How do I prove to you that I'm ready? Instead of saying that, tell them I have ideas.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>,

Jamie Lee:
What are your thoughts? So that's my suggestion. Come to them. Yeah. Don't rely on feedback as a promotion strategy, especially if, you know, your boss is not somebody who is a great person manager, people manager. We, unfortunately, I work with tons of those people, um, in my own career. And, uh, so you learn to manage yourself, you learn to evaluate, and then you come to that conversation with, I have ideas, I would like to hear your thoughts on

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Them. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And it also, as you are saying that is you can't prepare. Then you, that's a, that's a huge, you know, um, difference in, in leadership, right? Like if you come to that conversation prepared, then you say, here are my ideas, this is what I want, this is what I see is possible for me and for the company. Right? It's completely, completely different. Um,

Jamie Lee:
And, and, and I'm just gonna add one anecdote I'm gonna put Yeah, yeah.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
<laugh>,

Jamie Lee:
She super competent, worked super hard and she put her, you know, she put her hand up for a promotion and then she kept getting this feedback, oh, we need more proof, we need more documentation. And then she decided she's just gonna push back on that. And she said, you know what? I believe the hard work is done. She got promoted. I had another client, her boss is like, we need more documentation, we need. She's like, well, is this how you evaluate everyone else? Or is it because I'm the only woman on the team? And the boss is like, oh, well actually come to think of it. Yeah, there may, there may have been some unconscious bias, right? Yeah. Yeah. So just driving home the point, don't rely on the boss's feedback as the promotion strategy. You gotta learn to be like manage, evaluate for yourself, lead for yourself.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Love it. Thank you Jamie. And, um, I will just, I'm conscious of time. I said 20, 25 minutes and I see that we are running slightly over time. So I will make my last point, um, very quick and before I do so for whoever I see that somebody, somebody joined us, um, now live, you can guys, you can guys watch this as it's going to be on our LinkedIn, so you can watch the replay and, uh, let me share the last, third, third, uh, point or six step. Um, a lot of plan ask me what to do when people, or when my manager says, no, we don't have the budget, right? We don't have the money right now. Okay? I want you to guys understand that. No, it's not the end of conversation, okay? You are essentially, when you're asking for a raise, it's sort of a negotiation sales process.
I know that you might not like the word sales, but if you ask any salesperson in the world, if they hear no from a potential client, they don't think about, no okay. Ever. Alright? So take no as the opportunity to explore other possibilities. So if your boss tells you, you know, um, we don't have the budget right now at the moment, you can explore another options such as, um, you know, certifications, leadership development courses. Maybe they can offer you a paid travel, uh, stock options. You know, maybe they can, you can be perhaps a part of another project of, or a project which gives you really high visibility in front of senior higher ups in the organization, right? Or you can even ask your manager about a different role, you know, a higher up role or senior role, which is going to give you the the pay rise, right? So don't take no as, no, alright, that's, that's what I would like to say. Don't take no as as complete. No, this is it and I need to find another job That's not, that doesn't have to be the case. Okay?

Jamie Lee:
It just mean not now.

Iveta Zaklaniskova:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It just mean not now.

Jamie Lee:
If you enjoy this podcast, come to jamie lee coach.com, j a m i e l e e c o a c h.com to get your free ebook. How to ask for a big pay raise and get it. And if you want expert guidance in your corner to help you achieve greater self-confidence and greater career satisfaction as you grow your skills in negotiating, leading, and influencing as a woman professional, I invite you to book your free one-on-one sales call with me to find out how executive coaching can help you do exactly that. The link is in the show notes, talk soon.