We’ve killed our father. In our slightly-related quest to united rebel factions, we’re tripping over fresh graves, investing in a murderer and executioner, dismissing a bloodsucking vampire lord as a rumor, hearing the word NECLORD, finally recruiting Marco, stacking blacksmiths, faking out a lore flashback, testing exactly one gender norm, losing a fight to a vampire, failing to express warrior-sanctioned masculinity, requiring yet another magic weapon, finding Zen and Morgan at a temple, and i...
Sep 12, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 4Ep. 16
Our father is a loser but we’re still not winners. Before the rematch, we’re wondering how many spears are on fire, entering a town that’s a dungeon, finding trust in eyes, stopping the thieving dipshit network from harassing a tall lady, paying a freelance ninja, required boats for land transport, shaking Kun To down for those boats, burning down armored cavalry, battling father against son, denying decapitation, bludgeoning our father who will soon art in heaven, and receiving hell powers. Wha...
Sep 05, 2022•59 min•Season 4Ep. 15
A special interview with Arnie Roth, conductor of Distant Worlds. Interview performed by ssdninja. Interview also viewable on our Patreon page (public post) Distant Worlds is a concert series centered around the Final Fantasy franchise. Produced by AWR music and debuting in 2007, Distant Worlds brings the music of Final Fantasy to audiences around the world. This year marks the 15th anniversary of Distant Worlds and the 35th anniversary of Final Fantasy. The concert series premiered in Tokyo, Ja...
Aug 30, 2022•25 min
You must not die here, don’t waste the life Gremio gave you. As we determine the logistics of the Soul Eater, we’re receiving intel from Kasumi Ninja, mulling over the ethics of fighting our fathers, falling fast to armored cavalry, letting Pahn take one for the team, beating up our buddy’s dad, hearing there are 27 True Runes, napping some inspiration, dredging up the Fire Spear idea, recruiting more children, observing open raw sewage, trading items around to do the laundry, becoming an idler,...
Aug 29, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Season 4Ep. 14
I’m prepared to die and I won’t miss this world. While we try to beat the rapids, we’re escalating neighborly beef, kickstarting the industrial revolution, hauling an engine across town, confessing our lack of purpose to raise our death flag, visiting a hermitage, throwing an isolationist in prison, recruiting a secret illiterate, forcing Flik to fill Kimbery’s cup, using Bugs Bunny tactics on a scrivener, cranking an opal out of a Nightmare, breaking Liukan out of jail, finding the right time t...
Aug 22, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Season 4Ep. 13
All I'm interested in are boats. Before we brave the rapids, we’re squaring off against some jabronis at Garan, murdering 3000 soliders with the Lepant family, refusing a recon mission, inhaling poisonous pollen, foreshadowing Gremio’s doom, wondering if pharmacists were invented yet, locating a guy who can appraise anything, denying imperialist town reclassification, accessing the Blinking Mirror, not needing old men, dancing on stage with Mina, robbing Antei of its merchants, slaughting feral ...
Aug 15, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 4Ep. 12
We found our way here, to this mystery. As we pivot from military recruitment to cult assembly, we’re playing Mark’s voicemail, wondering if we’ve slaughtered Kuromimi’s family members, separating choice from destiny, adding a bunch of elfes (elves), paying off a food debt, leaving children unattended in perpetuity, jumping ahead three months, butting heads with Flik, allowing the silent to speak, forcing animal friends to sleep outside, creating an alliance, naming a sword Odessa, and preparing...
Aug 08, 2022•59 min•Season 4Ep. 11
God? There is no god in these modern times. As we seek to shatter the Burning Mirror, we’re discovering Kage is working both side’s case, stealing a root to prove our worthiness, getting beat up because we’re poor, solving an incredulous phone number puzzle, slaying Gigantis, commissioning a Firewind Cannon, delaying a proposal for dramatic effect, finally obtaining a map, idiotically submitting to a bounty, recruiting a talking dog, leaping into a full scale war, representing battlefield death ...
Aug 01, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Season 4Ep. 10
Ho ho, you smell like humans. After we roll this wet elf out of our bed, we’re recruiting more children into the army, throwing dice for another degenerate, sacrificing morals for money, slaughtering Christmas trees, recruiting a teleporting amnesiac, meeting a talking dog, receiving racism, counting chicken hearts, getting locked up, busting out of jail, fondly recalling abandoned twitter handles, marveling at circular dwarven windows, appraising a piss boy, and inventing electricity. It looks ...
Jul 25, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Season 4Ep. 9
Want to take a bath? You’ll feel refreshed. While we refuse to discuss our trauma, we’re escaping Lepant’s fun house, stealing a named sword, refusing to get poisoned again, donning a skin cloak, threatening a man’s wife, taking a man’s life, dividing our will to kill, making a family fighting team, letting a cop in the squad, throwing a dinner party, dealing with a ninja assassin, storing our precious antiques in the hot tub, and finding a friend who swam here. You are no longer my wife. 00:00 ...
Jul 18, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Season 4Ep. 8
A liberating invention needs a liberated world. On the New Liberation Army’s Founding Day, we’re receiving a non-electronic tablet to coordinate destiny, starting a cult, being watched in our sleep, seeing stars, sleeping in the dirt chamber, uniting our recruitment efforts, installing an elevator in the castle, putting indie stores out of business, employing those we’ve made unemployable, hallucinating an elf, appraising question marks, stealing a sword to create a conversation, literally desce...
Jul 11, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Season 4Ep. 7
This is the fixed version, we hope! Here we go then, too late for regrets. And too early for lining up great walls, declaring false identities, seizing the moment to fake a temper tantrum, blaming fate for problems, finding skilled professionals with no obvious means of employment, making Mathiu an offer he can refuse, confusing doctor with sensei, murdering soldiers in front of children, giving kids a year of homework, seeking a Headquarters, denying Camille’s payment, throwing dice in a magic ...
Jul 04, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Season 4Ep. 6
In any case, we have to go up. Let’s go. While there we’re investing in dad lore, finding Child Ted on the battlefield, plucking facts off The Cutting Room Floor, hiking up a snowy mountain, trusting a man with a bowl cut, remaining ignorant of bitter, drinking a beverage that is clearly poisoned, expressing discontent and doing something about it, poking around an isolated community, bonding with Odessa in the middle of the night, gaslighting the blueprint ninja, engaging in sexual innuendo, wa...
Jun 27, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Season 4Ep. 5
Everything’s okay, make sure to hide your faces. Before we dry out, we’re trusting the scoundrel Viktor with our lives, dining and dashing, shifting rows for better attack, sharpening weapons, attaching runes, daydreaming about murdering imperials, finding Odessa behind a clock, reaching the Time To Sewers, meeting our rebel conspirators, realizing we narc’d on comrades, censroing crucifixion, performing a casual arson, walking through a burning building and killing everyone inside, freeing/conf...
Jun 20, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 4Ep. 4
Loneliness is a slow acting, but fatal, poison. Before we ingest the antidote we’re taking a dragon to see a play, becoming tax collectors, watering the seeds of class warfare, cheating Marco out of a million bits, reading epitaphs, refusing to strike children, bullshitting a bullshitter, trapping the feds in ant holes, installing stairs in a mountain, fighting the unbeatable ant queen, performing some light colonialism, slaughtering bandits, murdering Imperial soldiers for the crime of child ab...
Jun 13, 2022•1 hr 15 min•Season 4Ep. 3
Both magic sisters think I’m hot. While we admire ourselves in the floor, we’re losing our father to a border crisis, reporting to a Krazy boss, hiring a magician who looks like my wife, auto-walking home, playing a real guitar, defining a Gremio, rifling through Milich’s clothing, questioning the reality of Ted, keeping a food journal, dreaming in black and white, leaping in the elephant dragon’s basket, fighting forest monsters, obtaining the emperor’s astrology report, and opening the invitat...
Jun 06, 2022•1 hr 14 min•Season 4Ep. 2
In the first episode of our fourth season, we’re talking when where and how Suikoden first released, basic pronunciation guidelines, how the hell to play Suikoden in 2022, finding inspiration in anime soccer, identifying hot sound smiths, reading a german magazine ad, digging up and then settling old scores, indulging in the instructions, watching the intro movie, and deciding what to name Tir McDohl. All of this has to happen so we can play Suikoden II in a few months. 00:00 Intro | 02:47 Relea...
May 30, 2022•50 min•Season 4Ep. 1
The only Squall permitted here is you. As we sort through computer generated cut scenes, we’re trying to remember the power of friendship, completing the time loop, accepting sorceress power, talking to myself, wandering through the desert, collapsing in futility, finding our soulmate in the abyss, becoming a no winged angel, speaking without a voice, blowing feathers around, holding up wedding rings, staring at a headstone, shooting a home video, shoving hot dogs in the mouth hole, raising a fi...
May 23, 2022•1 hr 19 min•Season 3Ep. 44
Face my wrath for seeking thy sealed power. As we kompress time, we’re multiplying save points and sorceresses, stepping over dead SeeDs on the beach, fastening wings to a castle, sealing our powers away, evaporating a rainbow, deducing latin paintings, weighing everyone in our party, turning blood green, slaying a fallen GF, meeting up with Xu and the CC Club, obtaining Proof of Omega, listening to an incoherent villain speech, fighting my ring, slaying a legendary beast, and facing off against...
May 16, 2022•1 hr 27 min•Season 3Ep. 43
I have a lot to tell you, unless you don’t want to hear it. In which case I’ll understand. After we put a bullet in the head of Triple Triad, we’re identifying the father of the son, ramming Lunatic Pandora, parking our dragon at the base, quitting our jobs to go drink, telling my boy we’re not a posse, killing the unkillable friend, wandering away to get kidnapped, swapping in disc four, junctioning a person to another person, mugging our imperiled girlfriend, and falling through compressed tim...
May 09, 2022•55 min•Season 3Ep. 42
Man, you look way too serious. As the world ends, we’re reaching max level, reading Selphie’s Laguna webpage, breaking down the couch cars, meeting the President, being called a faerie, performing calisthenics at critical plot points, staying on a boat for ten years, flashing back to Laguna’s rebellion, outwitting a sorceress, sending our problems to space, working too much to visit my dead wife, sending our body to the future, concocting a plan to visit the future in the past, believing in our ...
May 02, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 3Ep. 41
The world’s over, man. While continuing to neglect our witch girlfriend, we’re throwing rocks in a lake, humming to summon a shadow, receiving awful clues, stealing a crop circle, getting Piet fired, scouring the world for unique NPC dialogue, exposing the public to Ultimecia, gathering materials for supreme violence, cutting Rinoa out of magic pipes, conceding Squall to Rinoa again, yearning to be a sorceress’ knight, lying about forgetting, and sharing a romantic dream. As long as you can work...
Apr 25, 2022•1 hr•Season 3Ep. 40
We understand each other’s thoughts and hearts. While ignoring Rinoa’s imminent peril, we’re wasting a day with Triple Triad, failing to move the Queen of Cards, sailing past 100 hours, playing Red Light Green Light, picking the hidden option, spelling blow wrong, brimming with passion, beating up the boiler room, battling Ultima Weapon, indulging in the ultimate GF, finishing Laguna’s statue, diegetically playing an Irish jig, breaking up a Shumi spat, and being content with more morsels of NOR...
Apr 18, 2022•1 hr 1 min•Season 3Ep. 39
I’m not your mom. In truth, I’m denying romantic impulses, killing and re-killing aliens, scanning my girlfriend, using a radio for the first time, resisting any attempt at creating intimacy, accepting a sorceress’ fate, descending from Hyne, revealing the sorceress inside me, not doing shit about anything, repeatedly dying inside, flying with exuberance, and adding a mascot and sentient haunted trains as guardian forces. You’ve missed out on all the good things in life, you’ve missed out on so ...
Apr 11, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 3Ep. 38
Nobody ordered me to escape. Through the wineglass, we’re using our girlfriend as our therapist, cashing out our cards, receiving a ghost punch, breeding monsters on the moon, crying those monsters onto the planet, putting on a space suit, meeting a panicky space gentleman, opening a space tomb, shoving a cowboy into a sunroof, finding out what happened at the end of disc two, riding a handlebar elevator, playing the worst minigame of all time, and finding a secret space spaceship in space. Only...
Apr 04, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 3Ep. 37
Mar 28, 2022•1 hr 3 min•Season 3Ep. 36
This place sure is weird. Inside this swirling pastel Oz, we’re smiling through the pain, performing unpaid labor, ensuring a moomba develops CTE, taking a gun to work, picking the weirdest guy as the leader of the #resistance, misunderstanding the meaning of “special lady,” rescuing Ellone, relishing the presence of an adult, leaving Rinoa up for human experimentation to the guy we rescued Ellone from, using the healing station, and going to the mall. I want a device that allows me to scratch a...
Mar 21, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 3Ep. 35
It’s like a swear jar, for meat. Inside the jar, we’re waking up in the infirmary again, asking mom where the rest of her kids are, lying about why we want Ellone, listening to the legend of Hyne, denying responsibility of Rinoa, trading pornography for playing cards, stealing my girlfriend, talking to myself on the railroad tracks, loving only what I can’t have, confessing to a body, adding mom to my party, running all over salty dinosaur bones, interacting with the glitch hole, and finding the...
Mar 14, 2022•53 min•Season 3Ep. 34
Surrender soul, lose brain. After that, we’re wondering if it’s over, staring at an unconscious person, falling into a cold coma, closing out the SeeD candidates, cleaning up after NORG, refusing to remove my sorceress clothes, hearing the ultimate goals of Ultimecia, punching a wall, zoning out during a work meeting, believing Ellone is on the White SeeD Ship, passing out near a bed, debasing ourselves for money, using a gunblade as a prop, looking for Ellone in the past, and limiting our time ...
Mar 07, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Season 3Ep. 33
FATIGUED. We’re excessively caffeinated and we’re rubbing Gardens, doing sick poses in unison, looking for Mark, improvising a fighting game, observing the Braveheart Effect, giving our special boy ring a name, combing through dorms, killing hockey monsters, meeting a Cerberus, confronting Seifer, missing gunblade pulls, rising like a broken puppet, drawing Alexander, and closing out disc two with a sorceress battle. We don’t know what’s going on anymore, ya’ know? 01:16 Intro | 03:36 Bash Into ...
Feb 28, 2022•1 hr 2 min•Season 3Ep. 32
