Okay, hello, hello, and welcome to this week's episode of relationships rule. I'm very excited to talk to my guest today, Deborah eckerling. I call her Deb because she is the creator of the DEB method of goal setting, and we'll get into that in a minute, I do love a quote that I saw on your website, Deb, that says it's probably your motto to get what you want. You need to know what you want. And I love that because I'm not sure I'm always that person, but it makes
sense when I read it on your on your website. So welcome to the show.
Thank you so much for having me. I love talking goals, which you know, and this is something I say probably every single day. It gets woven into conversation because it's true. It sounds like the simplest thing. But if you don't know where your passions lie, or what your big picture goal is, what's going
to get there? Yeah, how are you going to get there if you don't know what it is? Well, the other thing that I, that I saw, that I thought was kind of interesting, was because, because true confessions here, I'm not a big goal setter and and so you'd probably have a field day with me trying to, you know, turn me into one at this late stage in life. But maybe you've done that with other people. I don't know. Can you change someone to become a goal setter?
This is the thing about the word goal people think of it as a four letter word, and it is, but I think of it as the good kind, and I had a friends five client the other day said I never thought that I would set goals, but you're rubbing off on me. So I think the answer is yes, okay, but you don't even need to use the G word, you know. Maybe you like intentions. Maybe that is your your go to Word. Maybe it's just, you know, purpose education. So whatever word you
like, use that one. Okay. It's kind
of making me think of like, you know, the universe will, will God, will universe, will your higher power? Will people use whatever word they want to use? It's kind of the same thing, making me think, as long as it works for you exactly.
And the only rules with goal setting is there are no rules. But the idea is to figure out what works for you and do more of that.
Got it okay. So I want to dive in a little bit to your method, because I saw something on your website that said, SMART goals are dumb and Dev goals are smart. And I know for years, you know, people tried to say SMART goals were the way to go, and smart was an acronym for the different definitions in the goal setting process. And I remember you doing those in many workshops over the years. So you have created your own system, and it is based on another acronym, the
acronym for your name. Deb, can you explain that to us and and tell us a little bit about why those are smarter than the than the SMART goals? I know it's a joke, but it's a it's all good. Well,
let me answer backwards here. The SMART goals are a tool. Okay, there's something that you can use to achieve your goals, but it's not. The thing that bugs me about smart goals is that no one who teaches it created it. Okay? Was it was from like a thesis, so someone created it, yes, someone created it, but the people who teach it don't Okay, so that that's my little pet VB thing on them, and if they work
for you, excellent. I'm happy for you. Yeah, the thing that my big differentiator is setting the foundation for your goals. Because most goal setting experts, I know it's audio, but I am using air quotes. Most of them talk about, you know, getting to the end result, which is important, but going back to you can't get what you want unless you know what that is. If you do not send the foundation for your goals, where are you going? Okay, so Deb stands for determine your mission, explore
your options, brainstorm your path. So we'll I'll do like Deb 101, real quick. So D determine your mission is you can't get what you want unless you know what that is. And it starts. With thinking about, what is the life that you want? So it is big picture. It is big picture because it starts with, you know, I want you be an expert in this area, or I am I want to be a thought leader in this particular system, or what have
you. Or I want to build a business, or I want to be an entrepreneur, or even I want to just be the best employee ever, okay, and work my way up the corporate ladder, whatever it is, or it could just be, I want balance. You know, maybe your professional life is really successful, but you don't really have a handle on balance. So whatever it is, when you think about that life you want, it starts with that visual, okay?
And then I say, write your current bio and write it like aspirational, really leaning into the thing that you do that you love, because that's the persona you want to share with the world. And then you write a future bio, so you've got where you are and then where you want to go, and future bio could be for the end of the year, or your next birthday, or three years, or whatever. Okay, future yes, that word means to you, so you've got your starting point and where you're going, and then
write a mission statement. You know, we all have worked for people or companies that have a mission. So why wouldn't you have one where yourself in or your business and or any project, really, it starts with what is, what is that thing? Um, what do you want? What makes you unique? And then the all important now, how you help? Because when you're doing what
you do to help others, that's like bonus fuel. So my mission statement would be, and these are usually long and clunky, which is why we do a motto from it, but I'll get to that in a second. So mine is like, use my background, experience books workshops to help people figure out what they want and how to get it so they can lead more fulfilled lives and, in turn, help others. Okay, right? Yeah, my motto is goal setting
simplified. So everything that I create, whether I'm doing a workshop or through my books, it's all designed to be user friendly, because changing your life is challenging enough, so it made the instructions really easy.
That's good. That's good. I like it.
So, excuse me. So in in the demo sphere, as we were calling it. So the D that that is, that's set in the table, okay? The E stands for explore your options and so determine your mission. This is the life I want explore my options is okay. How do I get there if I want to be a thought leader? What does that mean? Am I writing a book? Am I starting a podcast? Am I building a business in service of the things that I know? So you want to look around and see what what you can create to get
you where you want to go. And I've got this exercise. And for me, this is, like the all purpose of everything. I call it directed journaling. It is your solution to figuring almost. Gotta put the almost in, almost anything out. And I say set three to 515, minute appointments with yourself, and during which time you are just answering a question or a very specific series of questions, what's next, or what do I want
to create, or what do I want out of life? And just brain dumping, and you do this for like, 15 minutes, a few times, and the the trick is, don't read any of your babblings until after you've done it 345, times, and then you can go back and read it
and find the common themes. Because something that you may have thought that you wanted you mentioned, like twice, and something else that you thought was just this really cool thing you're like writing about all the time, so when you get things out of your head, you can look at them objectively and use that to figure out next steps.
Nice. Okay, do you work mostly with entrepreneurs, business owners. I
do, I like to say my demographic is busy professionals, because we're the ones that always want more, right? Yeah, and we're
lifelong learners as well, and we're always looking to do new things. Yeah? Deb, so, Deb, I know that you have just recently launched your newest book, and I'm pretty excited for you this book, which is called 52 secrets for goal get setting and goal getting. Is that correct? Yes, okay, 52 secrets for goal setting and goal getting so first of all, I'm curious what was the the germ of this book? How did it come to be?
Before we go into the book, I realized that I talked about what the D is and the E is, but not the B
not finish. Oh, my God, it's all good. That's what conversations are about, right? So feel free Go ahead. So let's
back. Let's back up before we run forward. Absolutely. So explore your options. Once you figure out what it is you want to move forward with, do a little bit of research. See who in your network does what it is that you
want to explore. Have some conversations. That way you can make an informed decision about what your next steps are, and then brainstorm your behalf is all about getting all of the things out of your head onto the page, and then divide it into rehearsal and professional goals, long term and short term benchmarks, action items, so all the different things that you need to do to accomplish it. And then you divide and conquer. So you put everything together, and then you make a plan to turn
those goals into reality. So like I said, it's simple. Figure out what you want, explore what that means, and then make a plan to put it into action. Awesome.
Brainstorm it and make and make that plan, alright? And this is all documented in your website as well, actually, in in some of the copy there, right? So it's easy to review it there. And I encourage people to do that, because it's it. When you say it like that, it is simple. It's just sitting down and doing it.
The least simple part of creating a life is actually creating that life. But I am a firm believer that when, when you take the time upfront, yeah, when you really think about what it is you want to create, you have the answers. You just need to take the time and ask yourself the questions.
Yeah, great point. Great point, which actually comes nicely back to the book, because I know that the book is about questions and answers. So talk to me a little bit about how that this book came to be, and then a little bit about the book, because it's pretty it's pretty interesting, from what I've heard.
Oh, it is. I've done a lot of Deb things, but I feel like 52 secrets for goal setting and goal getting is really the most dev thing that I've done. And in even though it's 52 secrets, I interviewed 60 experts in the areas of business, tech, food, entertainment, creative, and I asked them, What is your secret for goal setting or goal getting? And that's what the book is. Is these 60 tips from people that you normally probably would not put together. I would
Yes, and well, these are people that you have assimilated into this book that meant something to you for each piece, right?
Yes, absolutely. So I my first traditionally published book, your goal guide, a roadmap for setting, planning and achieving your goals that was out in January 2020, so six weeks before the world got changed by circumstance, out came my book to help people embrace change by choice or by circumstance. And at the time, I was leading a Twitter chat, and shortly after, we all got land locked or home locked or whatever, my publisher said, why don't you start a live
show with gold chat? And I have been thinking about it, and I'm like, okay, yeah, it was a very easy yes. And it started out, I think the first two episodes, I talked to myself, and then I started doing it as interviewing guests. And then the end of 2020 I brought up a panel together, and that's the format I do now, but this was the end of the year. And how do you have a holiday party when no one can leave the house? Well, you bring
people together who don't know each other. So that was the start of gold chat, as it is now, bringing different people who, unless it's on purpose, have never met before the conversation, and that's pretty much what the book is, is bringing together. Different people, and they are all either first degree connections, friends or people I've interviewed or people who I've interviewed who said you need to put this person in your book, because I want to know what they
have to say, what their trick is. So it was the most awesome evolution into a project and again, really the most me, because the secret to success is there is no one's secret, but when you see what works for other people, you have this wonderful menu of inspiration and tactical advice that you can put into action.
Well, I thought, first of all, pretty impressive to me that Brian Tracy did your forward, I think in your book, wasn't it? He did the Yeah. And I think guy kiwaki Did the afterwards, the afterwards even, and also had a chapter in the book, I think, as well. Didn't Yes, well,
Brian Tracy was an intro through my publisher, so very excited and blessed to have that. And Guy hawasaki, he is the afterward, but his afterward is actually a tip. Okay, this is what happened, and why 52 secrets has 60 secrets in it is because I just got some wonderful responses, and I didn't want to turn anybody away. So I ended up putting a bonus tip in each chapter, in the nice and then put guy as the afterward. And when I started working, working on the book I
started with, you know, proof of concept. So I emailed a handful or so of people who I trusted, who I knew had awesome things to say. So the first batch of the interviews that I got for the book were through email, and then most of them, though, were people that I interviewed via zoom and put their words into each chapter. So it's a different way. It's the dead way, really, of bringing people together. But I love it and guide Kawasaki came because one of the people in my book, I
mentioned that I really wanted to get guy for the book. And she said, Well, Larry just interviewed him, and Larry needs to be in the book as well. So after you interview Larry, ask him maybe he can do an intro for you. And I did, and he said, This is the email address you need to write to they responded within the day, and that sometimes all you really have to do is ask,
exactly, yeah, if you don't ask, the answer is always no, right? And so it's That's brilliant, and I think you divided the book into different segments, right?
Yes, there are seven chapters. So we start with focus, and then we go into well being, and from there it is action, networking, communication, productivity, teamwork. So did is that seven? I
think so, yeah, so is that? Is that, did you divide the people based on the answers they gave? Or did you just take part of some answers to be in the different sections? Like, how did you do that?
I and I have to correct myself. I said teamwork it's actually leadership and teamwork. That's the seventh chapter. I didn't put them together until after I did the interviews. Got it okay, and it was really interesting. There was one topic, and this is why it was great to do it as interviews, because there was one tip that I got from like, three or four different people. And so for two of them, I asked them to adjust it okay for the other two, I for one of them, I
said, Can we just jump on a new zoom? Because I know you have other tips. And he gave me another one, which was perfect, which I think I did with the other, with the other duplicate. And that in doing the interviews as I got further along of the process, if I saw someone giving a tip that I already had, I would say, This is awesome, but can we get like another one, just for like safety purposes, so there was not repetitive. The other thing that I found was really interesting was that a
lot of the tips could be in more than one category. So, yeah, go ahead. Sorry, yeah. So I ended up with networking and communication as two separate chapters, but most of them could be in one. Or the other
well, I just find it interesting that so many there were duplicates in your experience, because it obviously shows that that you know, some things are definitely more prevalent with people that more common, right? That as their secrets for goal setting, right? They're more common ones than others. No, yes,
and no, I mean, and I let There are 60 original secrets, and they also come with an example to support what they're doing. So I think one of them is Be kind and be prepared. Another is be able to look at yourself in the mirror. So similar, yeah, yeah, but not the same, yeah. And they really build on one another.
That's very good. That's really fun. And I mean, you're like me, you're a huge networker too, over the years, so you probably didn't have a shortage of people to ask, and yet you wanted to make your your contributions diverse. And I think you got a couple of people that have some star quality that you weren't expecting to get, but you, through your networking, you were able to to put into the book. Am I right? Yes,
and I think you're talking about the Patrick J Adams example. That's
one example, yes,
but that's a really good story. And for the people in the book, and I'm really glad that that you brought that up, I wanted them to be people I would be friends with. You know, people who've got that helpful Spirit, who want not only to succeed, but to help others succeed. So as I did these interviews, I would ask people, Who else do you know who needs to be in the book? They need to be someone I would be
friends with and within the spirit of the book. And this actor, friend of mine said, I'm on it, and I get a text from him, watch for your email. And it was an introduction to Patrick J Adams, and I was supposed to talk to Patrick for like, five or 10 minutes, and we were on the phone for a half an hour. Fantastic.
So for those who don't know who he is, because there still are people out there who don't watch TV, believe it or not, please share. Oh,
so Patrick J Adams, he was the lead in suits, and he's also got some projects ongoing now. He's got this new suits re watch podcast, and he's on the new Yellowstone spin off.
Oh, okay, I haven't seen that yet. So he wasn't just the lead, though, in he was also a producer, I think of the show. I think he and Gabrielle Mott were both producers of the show. So, no,
that makes sense,
yeah, yeah. So, I mean, he was, yeah, anyway, I mean, in suits, from my perspective, was it was filmed in Toronto, and it was a hit in Canada, way before it was a hit in the US. In fact, it was through through COVID that it got put onto Netflix, and that's when it soared, because everyone was home looking for something to watch. So, yeah, but, and didn't hurt that Megan Markle was in it as well. So yeah, yes,
it's one of those things, because I watched it when it was on USA Network with commercials, you know, yeah, me too. And the person who introduced us, Dylan can again, is an actor, nicest guy in the world. He is very tall, yeah, and bald, and he always plays the bad guy, yeah. And he is like the exact opposite, like the nicest, most warm person in the world, and just so and he gave me a couple other of the interest to people in the book, but and then his tip, the one
that Dylan gave, was about the power of collaboration. So it's not just people saying things. They're discussing the through their lens, the things that have worked for them that are so
important in creating any sort of endeavor. And it's whether you're part of a team, whether you're a leader, whether you're a thought leader, whether you're an actor, whether I've got a lot of food people in there too, because I also host, yeah, but it's some so many of these things are relevant, and it doesn't matter what it is that you're doing, yeah, and I got this wonderful
review of it. That said, I know it's meant to be a book that you could pick up and put down, but I couldn't put it down so you can read it straight through if you need a giant dose, or if you need advice in one of the categories, you can just go to that chapter or go to that person.
Excellent. That's that makes sense, and that's great. That's a good non fiction, business type book, right? Or self development type book, okay, so that book is available on your website, where? Okay,
anywhere. So now you can go to 52 secrets book.com and it's got all the links to all the places, or just go to your favorite bookstore,
perfect. So we'll make sure that's in the show notes as well. I do have to ask you, though about your food podcast as well, because I have so many questions about that. Because, number one, I think I read that you really weren't into food or cooking in, I don't know how long ago, but you weren't into cooking, and here you are now doing, are you cooking? Are you just doing a food podcast? Oh,
no, I'm cooking. Okay? I am a, I am a former non Cook, okay? And about, I think it's seven and a half years ago now, I got my mom an instant pot for Mother's Day, and she looked at it and said, is you learning how to work? It part of my gift, and we're hired to that, you know, I was the prep chef, you know, I love gutting things, yeah, the the joke was, if it's round, I could cook it, you know, like tortillas or pizza or pancakes or whatever. And so we watched
some videos together, and it was easy. We both really got involved and excited about the Instant Pot. But for me, it was like gateway, because I am gold person. I love that you can put in ingredients and go do things and be rewarded with a meal, yeah. So I went from that, and then I got an air fryer top that was, you know, like, I didn't know that I would love the air fryer, but I wanted to go step by step, and then an air fryer. And honestly, I use one or the other almost every day for
cooking, because they're easy. But the other thing that I discovered is, boy, is there joy from that. You know, it is like the best way to walk away from everything that's going on, because you cannot be jacking email or texting and cooking. You
can't I know I get sometimes I'll be doing something and get sidetracked because my phone dings or something pings, and then I forget, oh, my God, you know, because you get carried away. So I totally get that. So did you grow up? Like, was your mom a cook?
Oh yeah, she loved to cook. I love going to the grocery or I liked making the little platters. And then the summer before my senior year of college, I worked short order, which is when I learned to cut vegetables, yeah, okay, um, and when we moved, when my mom and I moved to California, we became roommates, and we just, we ended up staying roommates, and at some point, you know, I be probably during COVID, because We got so bored with cooking is and I got, I
just really started to love this process. We we had a little bit of a role reversal. And I had written for the Jewish Journal a few years ago before your goal guide came out. And I got a call a few years ago from the editor saying, Do you want to write for us again? And I said, if I can write about food. And he said, Okay. And about a little over a year later, they said, Do you want to do a food podcast? Because they had seen my other
one. Okay, so every Wednesday, I release a new episode of teaspoons with Deb is bite sized conversations about food, cooking and community, and it's just it's fun. Every I'm not gonna say everybody loves food. Most people do not gonna say everybody loves cooking, because I don't understand the people. But as a former non cook, I get it, but it's almost like, just take, take some time, you know, like, like gifting yourself time to work towards your goals. Gift yourself the time to explore.
And it doesn't have to be cooking, but if you have some sort of a hobby or joy that takes you away from electronics, go with it, because it is so revitalizing and refreshing. And I like cooking because you're rewarded, you know, with food. You know, there, aside from that, some. Of accomplishment you get to eat. So yeah, but
there's but it's interesting because there I'm curious, and I do have to wrap it up in a few minutes, but I am curious that you weren't into cooking. Would you say when you weren't into cooking? Were you then a foodie? Because there are foodies and there are people who are not they could they just eat because they have to get the fuel in them. And I don't get, yeah,
I don't get those people either. I always love food, okay? And like I said, I was very blessed. My mother always loved to cook. She always had the pot of soup going when I was growing up, too. And soup is my favorite, probably because it's the easiest. It's also my favorite thing to make because you make chicken soup, and you have chicken and you have soup and you can feed and it makes the house smell
absolutely wonderful. But I think one of the great my mother was amazing, but one of the greatest gifts that she gave me was, you know, encouragement to follow my passion. Um, encouragement to help other people follow their passion. I was called to the cheerleader's cheerleader, but also that that love of food, because there's nothing like that. Well, if
you like me, if you grew up, if your mom was anything like my mom, there was Jewish food all the time, right? And you can't beat it if you grew up and then we didn't get that passed down, because when we were growing up, at least for me, chopped liver was full of fat and and, you know, things were rich and too fatty to eat, my kids wouldn't eat them. And so I did learn how to make some of this stuff, and I can make a mean chicken soup and matzo ball, but we don't do it that
often, you know what I mean. But food was part of our culture, and I think that's where the love of it comes from for people. And so I get, you know, if you didn't cook, but you were around food, I get that, that, you know, you would love it. So I love that.
Well, in my job growing up, is I would ride my bicycle to the grocery, do the shopping, and then call home for someone to pick up the groceries. Because for me, that was, this is when I was in a high school that was fun because my friends work there, and that was being social around food.
Then, yes, now being social around food is I get to talk to people who've got these wonderful stories about how they came to love food, and a few of them are also former non cooks who discovered it later in life, and it's, it's just, it's joy, it's Yeah, and I'll tie it back to goals. Okay, find something that it is joy, because that's where you're going to put your attention. And maybe it doesn't make money for you right away,
but it's going to leak over into the other parts of your life. So you really want to tap in, do that happy factor and let that govern everything else that you're doing. So if you don't love your job, start a side hustle, but do something that really gets you excited and let that permeate through everything. That's
such a wonderful attitude to have too, because you never know where it's going to lead, even though you might be setting your goals towards it, you don't know where it's going to go. I mean, you can gear yourself, guide yourself one way or another, but and be open. I guess you have to be open to the possibilities of what it will bring.
Yes in a circling back to the beginning of the conversation, goal, intention, what do you want your life to be? Think about that and then set the foundation for what you want to create to get there.
Fantastic. This has been a joy to talk to you, because I love talking to people, and especially when I can see them light up with the things that make them tick and and so I will put in the show notes everything about your book and about your website. And I do encourage you my audience, to check out Deb's work and see if you need some guidance around your goal setting. And I encourage you to buy her book, because I think it's going to be joyful to read it as well. I
can't wait. So thank you again. Thank you for being here, and thank you to my audience as usual. Appreciate you if you like what you heard. Let us know we always love five star reviews, and remember to stay connected and be remembered. Do.