Bob, Hello everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of relationships rule on today's episode, I'm joined by Barb Hubbard, a coach, ADHD specialist and educator with over 30 years experience helping people understand their
unique brain wiring and to how to take meaningful action. Barb works with solopreneurs and high achieving professionals who may be neurodivergent, overwhelmed or just plain stuck through her signature blend of EFT tapping and brain friendly coaching, she helps people quit chasing squirrels and start chasing their dreams, which happens to be the name of her book as well,
which I love. Today, we're going to explore how the relationship you build with your own mind and the right kind of support can be the key to unlocking clarity, confidence and lasting progress. So welcome to the show. Barb,
thank you so much for having me.
You're You're very welcome. Barb, you're in San Diego, if I correct, right? Yes, sunny San Diego. Is it nice down there? Right now,
San Diego today is actually a little bit cloudy, but that's okay. We don't get many cloudy days, right?
Right? We get a lot of them here anyway. So I'm curious, because I know we both, we, when we met briefly, had a chat a few days ago and discovered that we were both former teachers, and I know for you, you were an elementary teacher and then you were a high school teacher. That, to me, was No, you weren't. No, no, high school just Oh, I thought, I thought I saw that you were sometime, somewhere along the line. I thought, how could you be? I couldn't do that. I could
not do the high school thing. So okay, my apologies. But what I am curious about is what inspired you to to leave teaching and get into ADHD coaching and EFT tapping. That's That's curious for me.
Yeah, the the jump, there aren't a lot of teachers turned entrepreneurs were kind of hard to find. So yeah, you know what I what I found was I had been teaching for about 20 years. There were a couple years off here and there when I had kids and so forth. But I needed to change. I was at a pivotal point where I needed to decide, either I stick with this for 15 more years, or I jump into something new. And when I decided, okay, this is it I need. I need something new.
The coaching was interesting to me. I had had a coach. I it just was something that I thought, you know, this might be something that I can do. I've always been someone who people come to, for someone to listen to, someone to give advice, someone to talk things through. And I did a little research, and I discovered ADHD coaching was a thing I had no idea. And I had worked with lots and lots of families over the years of teaching whose kids had ADHD and other learning issues, autism,
various things. I thought, Okay, well, I could do that. So I jumped in, and I took a whole training program, a year long training program, to be certified as an ADHD coach. And initially I did work with parents. So it was very, a very natural transition, right? Like I had been working with parents as a teacher. Now I'm working with parents as a coach, but through just some some kind of serendipitous kinds of things, I started meeting some women, meeting friends who were saying,
I don't know if I have ADHD, but I'm distracted. I'm unfocused, I'm overwhelmed. I you know, can you help me with that? And so that led to six of my seven years of coaching, being with women who are often entrepreneurs, and they are distracted and unmotivated and all those things
well. And that's what also made me curious about wanting to talk to you, because I feel like that's me, and I don't feel that I wasn't always ADHD, I didn't always get as distracted as I do the in as I have in the last few years. And I don't know why. Partly, I wonder if it's because back in my youth, things were so simple. I mean, you didn't have all these online distractions. You had books and you had teachers and, you know, and you had stories that were passionate.
Down and things like that. I mean, I feel really ancient, but on the at the same time, there wasn't that much distraction. You had a path that you were going on. Now, I am so curious a person innately, that everything distracts me. Oh, this guy looks good. I think I'll go follow what he's doing. Oh, I like what she had to say. I'm gonna go deeper. I can't do it all, yeah,
yeah. So true, yeah. But my, my own personal theory, is, is twofold. I think that you're spot on with one part of it is that we have so much information at our fingertips, and curious people are going to go down this rabbit hole. You know what? I'm interested in this too. I'm going to go down that rabbit hole. So I think that that is a part of it. We have also, you know, 20 different notifications coming in all at once in any given hour, right? So that
wasn't true when we were younger. And I do believe that things were simpler. I also think that in terms of ADHD diagnoses, we're just getting better at diagnosing this for women, especially women, you know, in their 40s, 50s, 60s. Okay, so,
so I have to ask you, then, does it matter that you get diagnosed or not? Because, as you know, as a parent and a grandparent, and I look at my little granddaughter, who is very hyperactive, she gets distracted easily and but she's also very obsessive, so big deal. That's just the way she learns, and that's the way she so we have to, as teachers and parents and grandparents learn to to help her in the ways that will help her, so to speak, right? So does it matter? Do we
need these labels? We never had them when I was a kid, right? Sure, sure. It's
a great question, a valid question. I think labels help when you are trying to figure out where to go to for support. Okay, fair enough for kids. So you know, speaking to what you just described, your granddaughter goes through, right if, if she needs more support in writing, in reading, in occupational therapy, those kinds of things, the labels will be helpful to get her that support right. So that's that's
one piece of it. But as adults, it's 5050. Of the people that I meet, many people want the label because that helps them understand themselves better.
Well, I feel as though, if you ever scroll through Facebook and you've talked or said anything to anybody about or looked at anyone that deals with HTA, ADHD, you get oodles in your newsfeed about that, right? So then you see that it's, it's very prevalent, and everybody's talking about it, because that's what they focused on for you this week in your newsfeed and and it seems almost like people
want to have that. I know it sounds weird, but it's like a status symbol in a way that, you know, yeah,
well, and I think some people do, I think, you know, I don't, I will say I don't like that, because we truly have ADHD or anything else right there. There is, you know, it, it is unique and it is profound for you, and it's a challenge, yeah, for you, challenge, right, right? So you do have to be careful not to just say, Oh, well, that's me too, right? Like I have this, or I have that, you know, but I think that when it comes to to looking for the right support
for yourself. Yeah, that makes sense and be helpful and and being distracted can be any number of different things, right? It could it. Distraction happens when you're burnt out, distraction happens when you have COVID. Distraction happens when you are in menopause. Distraction happens when you have ADHD, right? But if you combine all that you're going through and figure out what the label is, it can lead you to the supports that might help you be less distracted. Yeah,
that's a good point that you just made, that there's so many things that can contribute to that. So you've said, you've said that time management isn't really about time. Can you explain what you mean by
that? Absolutely, yes. I talk about this a lot, time management and not about time. Time management is truly about energy management. About what is is going on in your mind, right? If I sit down for an hour, if I have a lot of energy, because I got a good night's sleep and I'm feeling good because I'm excited about what's to come in the day, I'll
probably get a lot done. You know, conversely, right? If I didn't get a lot of sleep, or I have a meeting coming up that I'm just dreading, right, then I'm probably not going to get a lot done. So, you know that same hour, it's the same 60 minutes. But you know that how we use that time varies, depending on our energy, depending on our mindset. Yeah,
that's, that's definitely another way to look at it, for sure. That's, that's very good. So many of your clients deal with overwhelm. How do you help them build clarity and take consistent action?
There's so many, so many things, so many things. I think to start, we have to go back to, you know, what is going on in your life, right? That that is is causing you to be overwhelmed, right? So one avenue is to work on habits and routines. I often call them healthy habits. You know, what are your healthy habits? Are you sleeping well, you know, do you need a better evening routine so that you can get to sleep earlier? Are you eating healthy foods? Whatever that means for
you, right? One person's then jump into nutrition, and somebody else is just trying not to eat ice cream before they go to bed, right? It varies. You know other you know, healthy habits include movement, right, getting some movement in your day so that that's one avenue I also like to explore. You know what is going on in your body when you are feeling overwhelmed? Do you feel it in your body? And that's that's where EFT tapping
can come in. Get into that in a second. Yeah. Okay.
You know, when people calm their nervous system, when they have healthy habits, they're much more likely to know what the next step is that they need to take their it's easier to prioritize what's going on in their day. And so rest is really important, pausing is really important, and then they can have that clarity and move out of that overwhelm.
Let's get into that a little bit. So you mentioned the EFT tapping, so what role does that play in your coaching, and how does I'm quite fascinated by this modality, I guess you'd call it, and I did share with you that I have had a little bit of experience with it, but I haven't made it a
routine yet. I haven't gotten into this as a habit, and I'd like to and and so how do you, first of all, you have to determine, I, I'm guessing, stop me if I'm wrong, that with a client, when you're getting started with a client, this could be one of the tools you bring out depending on you know who they are, right, and what they're going through. Okay, so when is this something that you bring into your coaching, and how does it support emotional and mental clarity?
Yeah, great question. So some people come to me and they they want, or they're looking for faster solutions, quick, quick little tips. And that's, that's what I my book is about. That's in my book, right? So we're looking at Quick Tips to boost your energy so that you can get started on something, or quick tips to boost your mindset so you can get started on something. When they say to me, this is an ongoing problem, or I have tried the quick tips, but I still keep
coming back to the same issue. That's when, when tapping, EFT tapping can can come in as a support. So
tell my audience what that is, for those who may not know. Yeah,
so EFT tapping is when you I like to compare it to ACU acupuncture. Acupuncture is something most people are familiar with, but in tapping you instead of the needles, you are using your fingers to tap on various acupressure points on your body. And researchers have found that the most effective acupressure points are on our face and are up. And torso, some
also on hands and wrists, right? So, you know, as an EFT tapping practitioner, I can teach people where to tap and how to tap and what to say while they're tapping, and as you are using your fingers to tap on those acupressure points, you are calming your nervous system. You're slowing down just that overthinking that that might be happening because
you're focused on just doing the tapping and not what you're trying to calm your mind down, okay, yeah,
yeah. And it even has been shown to lower cortisol, lower those kinds of, you know, chemicals in our bodies that are out of whack when we are stressed out. So when you can lower that, it can reduce the feelings of overwhelm. It can reduce the feelings of worry, of the feelings of fear. So when my clients say like they might, someone might come to me and say, I know I need to be posting more on social media, but I can't bring myself to do it
right. All kinds of reasons why that might be the case. Perhaps they just don't know what to say. All right, we're going to explore that. Perhaps they can't find the time to do it. All right. We're going to explore. You know, when in your day are you going to sit down and write this post? Right? But if they say to me, I'm afraid of what people will say. I saw so and so post something and then she got, you know, all this feedback, and it was a little scary, or I'm afraid, you know, that someone
might find out that I, you know, I'm in this new business. And what if, you know, what if I don't succeed? Or the anxiety, yeah, what if I do succeed, right? What if this post takes off and it becomes viral and suddenly I have too many Oh, my goodness, okay, great, yeah, yeah, you know. So if they're speaking from fear in that, then the EFT tapping can help lessen that fear. And, you know, it's, it's almost, it's, it's almost
magical. It's not magic. But it sometimes feels that way, because after a few rounds of tapping, if I follow that same example, the person is saying to me, huh, you know what? I am so certain that what I have to share is valuable. It doesn't matter what the comments are and the fear is so much less. Or they might say, you know, I am so certain that what I have to share is important, that if I end up with five clients, God can figure out what to do with that. Right? I'll manage, right?
And so it's, it's such a unique approach that we can pull out during a coaching session or within the months that we're working together, so they can, you know, move past that fear and take action on what they really want to do. So
do you find that the clients that you that that take on that practice, and I'm assuming it's it should become a daily
practice, yes, ideally, yes, that you
see changes, actual physical changes in them,
hmm, so I don't personally see the physical changes in them. It's not like, you know, their skin color is better or something. No, I
think I just meant that you can read their aura being I don't mean that in a womb. I just mean, like, you know, you can tell if they're more relaxed or, yeah,
I think okay, I might notice that they are more relaxed, or I might notice that they're holding their body with more confidence, right, sitting up straight, speaking with more confidence, you know, a more their voice might come across clearer, as opposed to That meek, you know, kind of voice, yeah, but what I what, what is noticed, that I'm not noticing, is they're reporting that they got so much more done, right? They weren't wasting time, that they weren't avoiding the hard
task anymore, right? So it's more of what they're noticing within themselves. Of course, I hear about after the fact. Okay, that's
that makes sense. So I do you do you still have your group coaching
program? So I do group coaching from time to time. I don't currently have a program running, but it probably will in the fall. Okay,
was this the how to eat an elephant?
Yeah, so I've had a couple different groups over the years. That was one of them, and, no, I don't have that group any longer.
Okay, that's fine. So you have worked, I know, with a wide range of people, from high achieving physicians to creative entrepreneurs. What do they all seem to have in common when they come to you,
they are all overwhelmed, and they all come to me with this sense of, I have tried all the things and I don't know what to do anymore. You know, they may have bought a, you know, a video program, but they never finished it, or they may have, you know, tried to be in a group, you know, and get advice from the group members and the facilitator, and it just didn't work, right? So they come to me feeling a bit broken. That's a word I often hear, is that, you know, I feel broken, I
need you to fix me, is what people will say. And honestly, my response is always, you're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. You are wonderful the way you are, and we need to help you figure out what works for you, what strategies are going to work for your brain? Because all of our brains are different, right, you know, and so, but they're all coming to me with that same kind of like, give up. I don't know what to do.
Yeah, that's a really interesting piece there, because I'm just wanting to share with my audience that you did a really special thing just after we met, and we'd had a great conversation, and then you did a post on LinkedIn that referred to a question that I had asked you, and I think that's the core of what you're just saying right now. And that question is, how do you best learn right something like that?
So so often. And you also alluded to this earlier when you said that they may have, you know, they you didn't say it quite this way, but they may have spent 1000s of dollars on video programs or or coaching programs that they're looking for an answer to their particular situation, but the kinds of courses or programs that they have gone to are the ones that spoke the loudest, really on social media, the ones
that had the long sales pitches. And you know, if you didn't sign up there by the time you got to the next piece, there was another button to sign up. All of those, and they're all expensive, but they're all um, cookie cutter, and they're not for everybody, right? And I guess we all have to make our mistakes first, maybe, yes, but how do they then find you?
Because not everybody learns the same way, and to be able to work one on one with someone who understands that and can find the right solution for them is like magic.
Yeah. I, you know, I think that, you know, obviously, if they're listening to this right, then they might find me that way. But in general, we do jump at the cookie cutter approach, jump at the loudest voice, but there
comes a point at which people say, okay, enough's enough. I need to look for something different, and whether it's me or somebody else, I encourage people to look for the teachers first turned entrepreneur, because, you know, I said there aren't many of us, but there's enough teachers will understand the power of individualizing things for whoever is in front of them, right, instead of that cookie cutter approach, right?
And so you've got a lot of tools to work with, but how you present them and with a particular person depends on how they learn best, right? Yes, right, as well as what they need, what solutions, you know, you you think that they need, but, yeah, I think that is so crucial. And I think it's funny. I was talking to somebody the other day that I met on LinkedIn, and we were talking about, he wanted some information about LinkedIn and about my type of training that I
do, and whatever. And then we had this great conversation. And then he said something about somebody else that was a LinkedIn trainer that he knew that lives in his area or something. And I said, Oh, that's great. What you know, what, however, whatever you decide is fine. But when I looked at this other person's material and profile and whatever, I didn't feel it was a good fit with this guy, because. Because it was not this was like more for corporate than for a
business owner and whatever. But you can't tell people that. They have to figure that out. So all you have to do is really say what you do, who you are and how you work. And one of the things I remember saying was to him, you guys, you know you decide, whatever you decide is fine, I said, but do know that when I work with you, I will make sure that it's that it will work for
you, right, right? In other words, I don't stop just because the time's up where I don't do it this way, because that's the only way to do it. It's you gotta work with people based on what will work for them. And that's what I loved about what you had to say when we first when we first met. So yeah,
and I think too, to add to that, you're not going to go in on week four with the plan that you always do with people on week four, right? And I'm the same way, right? We're going to go into Week Four with an idea, yes, that of crave based on where this client is at, this is what they think they'll need. But with, you know, with being open to whatever the client brings to us that day and and ready to pull out whatever tool we have in our tool, right?
I remember teaching a client LinkedIn one time, well more than once, where I used to always do it in a certain time block, and then I do smaller time blocks further on. But this particular person, I could see them glazing over it just about the hour mark, you know? And I'm like, You know what? I think we should book another time. I don't think we should do it anymore, because I don't want to overwhelm you. And the person said, Oh, thank you. They're so relieved. Yeah, so
you do, you have to read your audience, right? You really do
client recently, like that. I usually do 60 minute sessions, yes, yeah. And after the first session or two, I realized, you know what? He needs 3030, minute sessions. After about that much time, he was starting to say to me, I'm done, right? And you're missing out, you know, so, so I said, All right, instead of doing, you know, four more sessions that are an hour long, let's do eight half hour sessions. How do you want that
to look? And you want satisfied clients for sure. And you want, well, then
we want to meet them where they're at, so that they can move past whatever the the issue is. And
you know, the funny thing about that, though, is and sort of going a little off script here, like sort of off to the side, is that I think that's the difference between paying attention and being able to read your client, your audience, as opposed To, I've got this much work I've got to get through. It's like, it's not about you, it's about right, right? It's what
you're doing. Yeah, them. And I think that, you know, even I started out with cookie cutter approaches, you know. So I think for anybody out there who's looking for someone to support them in whatever areas, yeah, you know, look for someone with a little more expertise, or, like, who's a little more seasoned, has a few more years in very good point and and look for someone who is open to that idea of, are, you know, I'm going to individualize it for you. I'm
gonna meet you where you're at, right? Yeah,
totally. So if someone listening today is feeling stuck or overwhelmed, what's one small step they can take to move forward with more clarity,
my favorite tip is to get up and walk away for a moment. Okay, and I'm not suggesting you avoid whatever that is that you're stuck on forever. And if it is like, I'm stuck in life right, then that's a different kind of get up and walk away. Then it's I'm stuck with this task. Yeah, but, you know, get up and go for a walk around the block, call a friend and take your mind off of what it is for 15 minutes, turn on
some music and dance, right? Something that involves another person, or involves some movement that really kind of breaks that stuckness in your brain and then return to whatever that task is, or whatever you need to figure out a little bit later. You know, it's the power of the pause, right? And yes, like we were saying earlier when we were younger, that was kind of built into our day. But now, with social media and email and all of that going
on, no end, yes, sir, there's no end. It
created for that's
so true. Oh my goodness, it's so true. So I'm going to just diverge again, because now I would like to just ask you a couple of quick questions. And I have to ask you this question because of who you are, and because I just have to so I often ask this question, but not to everybody, and it's because I'm so curious. So I want to know whether you think curiosity is innate or learned. And by the way, there's no wrong
answer, Curiosity is innate or learned. And second part, what are you most curious about these days?
So I think that it's a combination of both, but I think that it's more innate than it is learned. Okay, I would lean that way. I think that kids are naturally very curious, and along the way, they get shut down. You know, somebody says you shouldn't be interested in that you shouldn't be doing that. Or, you know, stop what you're doing and look over here instead. Right? I think that all of those messages along the way. And I'm not saying they're necessarily mean
messages. It just, you know, sometimes you got to get in the car and go somewhere, and it needs to stop looking at what they're looking at, right? Like it does not necessarily mean. But, you know, kids have all these messages along the way that they shouldn't be curious, so there's not time to be
curious, and it kind of squelches that. But I think that if you let it as an adult, it could come back if you give yourself some time to be curious, and you know, be curious about what you might want to look into.
Do you think that we should be curious? I decide Don't ever say but it just came to me, do you think that we need to be curious but be able to control it? Can you do that? I don't know. I just thought of that. That is such
a good question. I hadn't thought of that. I so I think that if it is getting in the way of something right? Then, sure, you need to control it a little bit. You know, so many of the people that I work with are divergent thinkers. They like to think they're very curious, right? They think of 10 different things at once, and like a chess game, they're 10
steps out on each one. You know? They can get lost in those plans, those details, that research, and then you do kind of need to put a, you know, a little bit of control around it, or boundary around it, so that you don't, you know, miss the meeting. Or,
I think you have to realize that you're doing that first Yes, right, yes, yeah, yeah.
So you might need to, you know, either set some boundaries ahead of time or or not. But, you know, I do think that it's okay to let yourself do that sometimes, sure let yourself go down the rabbit hole. So what
are you most curious about these days? I
am super curious lately about I've been reading a lot about money mindset. Oh, really interesting topic to me, just how we we the beliefs that we learned as a child around money and how they impact us as an adult and big time. I've been, you know, reading books and listening to podcasts, and, you know, going to kind of down that rabbit hole of of, like, what? What does that even mean? You know, is the amount of money I'm earning really, um, affected by my mindset and what I, you
know, believed and learned as a kid. And,
oh yeah, let me take bully. Beliefs and yeah, knows your limit on on how much you think you can earn, all that stuff, that's, it's, I've been that rude. I've I've done that too. Yes, yeah,
yeah. That's my latest curiosity. Well,
thank you for sharing, and I think that if my audience wants to get hold of you, I will put it in the show notes. But where, where can they find you? What would you like them to? Where would you like them to go?
So my website is barbhubbered coaching.com perfect, easy, and my email is Barb at Barb, Hubbard coaching.com so those are two easy ways to find me. LinkedIn is just Barb Hubbard, so no, no coding on that one. But okay, and your book, and my book is, quit chasing squirrels and start chasing your dreams.
And it's on Amazon, right? Because I just look for it, yes. Okay, perfect. Well, I think Barb, you've given us a great, powerful reminder that. Success isn't about fitting into someone else's mold. It's about understanding how you are wired and using that insight to take purposeful
action. So whether you identify as neurodivergent, overwhelmed or simply ready to build more focus into your day, I think Barb's approach shows that the right strategies and support can make all the difference, because when you build a better relationship with your mind, you build stronger, more intentional relationships in every area of your life. So thank you Barb for being here. Thank you
so much for having me. This was a really delightful conversation. You're very
welcome, and thank you to my loyal listeners for being here as well, and remember that relationships rule and to stay connected and be remembered. You.