Is the female orgasm that complicated and powerful? It can be for some of us, but in this episode, women's sexuality pioneer and sexologist Betty Dodson offers some extremely practical, no-nonsense advice for women (and men) around the orgasm. Hear some enlightening and very intimate details of what a woman can do to dissolve the shame and step into true enjoyment of an orgasm. From group sex to being witnessed masturbating, this episode is sure to confront you and lift you up. SHOWNOTES How did...
Dec 07, 2016•48 min
A brave smart couple shares their "dark period" and how they got through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years, and then adds in a child to the mix, will pretty much get rocked. Tripp and Alyson share what happened and how they got through it. From their day to day check-ins, emotional distance and meltdowns, to transforming their sex life after kids, you are going to love how this couple rocked it out. And hopefully, you can take a few tips home to your relationship. SHOWNOTES The sto...
Nov 30, 2016•1 hr 27 min
Family drama will show you exactly where you and your partner are or are not aligned. Not knowing how to navigate your own triggers around your family can lead to some strange and even painful "gifts" over the holidays. That's why I'm spending an episode on how to deal with the likely family drama that will occur this holiday season. This will help you and your partner (or future partner) know what to do to reduce the stress and be more of a team. That way you can actually enjoy yourself during ...
Nov 22, 2016•39 min
Why do men need more solid men around them? In this episode, we explore the power of getting very honest with other men and how that can benefit your relationships to women. Our guest John Wineland shares his personal story and offers practical yet embodied tips for how a man can learn how to do relationships in a much more powerful and sustainable way. SHOWNOTES How did John get into men's work? [9:30] The massive opportunity and lessons in fatherhood. [12:30] How death has been one of John's b...
Nov 16, 2016•1 hr 5 min
In this episode, personality hackers and smart couple Joel and Antonia share their personal experiences of working through differences by understanding their partner's personality type. These two use Myers-Briggs, the enneagram, and other personality tests to understand themselves and each other better. I think you'll get a couple of new insights from Joel and Antonia's story that can help you right now in your own relationship. Pay special attention to what they do well and how they work throug...
Nov 09, 2016•1 hr 6 min
In this episode, we tackle spirituality and relationships with soulshaping mentor Jeff Brown. Jeff has a great knack for calling BS on the spiritual movement and instead offering grounded, practical, embodied suggestions and pathways to continue to deepen into our wholeness. This one may get uncomfortable depending on where you fall in this conversation. It is my wish that you feel challenged and grow from it. SHOWNOTES What is Soulshaping? [12:40] What are the most common human struggles that J...
Nov 02, 2016•58 min
You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way. SHOWNOTES What is “captive audience”? [7:30] Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an int...
Oct 26, 2016•32 min
Feeling disconnected is a common experience in long-term relationships. The question is how to get reconnected? Well, first you’ll want to start to identify the ways in which you disconnect and locate the source. After some self-inquiry there, you can learn how to reconnect to you, and your partner. Listen to this one to learn how. SHOWNOTES Should you expect that your marriage will last forever? [4:00] Do you need to love yourself first before you get into a relationship? [5:30] The 10 signs th...
Oct 19, 2016•30 min
Do men change? Can they overcome their blocks? Of course. But sometimes, they need a little permission or a nudge from another man. I’m always thrilled to meet men who help other men come out of their conditioning. This week, I interview Connor Beaton, who is doing just that through his ManTalks events. Check it out. SHOWNOTES What is ManTalks? [9:00] The rock bottom that Connor experienced that caused him to shift his life. [10:30] The two options that Connor chose between. [18:00] How traditio...
Oct 12, 2016•48 min
Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner. SHOWNOTES What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00] Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00] The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their care...
Oct 05, 2016•29 min
One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner. SHOWNOTES What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30] What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30] What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing...
Sep 28, 2016•37 min
Running away from relationship pain and problems often just creates more problems. Here I remind you why facing pain is useful. Check it out. Now. SHOWNOTES The simple point of relationship pain. [10:00] The smarter strategy when you’re triggered by your partner. [10:45] How Jayson’s back pain woke him up to something deeper. [13:15] Erectile dysfunction and Viagra as an example of what NOT to do with relationship pain. [16:00] The big signs that you’re hitting the snooze button on your relation...
Sep 21, 2016•28 min
The grass is greener with that other person! I used to think this quietly in my mind all the time, no matter who I was with. In this episode, I share my personal drama with this mentality and what it’s really about. Not only that, I offer something to help you get through it. It might just make you more likely to commit to the one you’re with. SHOWNOTES Jayson shares his personal story about leaving relationships when the going got tough. [8:45] The kinds of partners who will more likely have a ...
Sep 14, 2016•30 min
It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from. SHOW...
Sep 07, 2016•55 min
It is possible to rewire your brain in relationships and build inner strength. In fact, if you don’t work toward this, you’ll be in trouble down the road when the allostatic load catches up to you later in life. In this episode I interview Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s a passionate expert on mindfulness, the brain, neuroscience and relationships. We geek out on the intricacies of the brain but he also brings some very practical tools and insights on how we can improve our relationships by using the natu...
Aug 31, 2016•1 hr 15 min
Maureen writes “I’ve really lost interest in your work since you said on your webinar that if you get cheated on it’s your fault.” Thanks Maureen for prompting this episode because so many people get “fault” confused with “responsibility.” This episode sets it straight. I clear up what it means to choose to be a victim and to choose to be empowered. Even when someone does something “to you.” After you listen, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group . Also check out the blog...
Aug 24, 2016•24 min
Chris and Billy Jo are two podcast listeners who won a chance to be interviewed and laser coached by me on the podcast. As you listen, pay close attention to their dynamic, their openness to feedback and most importantly a commitment to growing individually and as a couple. If you got value from this episode format, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group and I’ll do more! SHOWNOTES How did Chris & Billiejo meet and how long have they been together? [8:00] When did they...
Aug 17, 2016•42 min
Codependency gets a bad rap. Parenting your partner? Who wants be married to their mom or dad? But there’s more to the story here. And lots of gold if you’re willing to reframe and play the “attachment” game in your primary relationship. My wife Ellen joins me again with her attachment knowledge and personal experience on how to track and parent your partner. We give some personal examples from our marriage as well. SHOWNOTES Why do people freak out when they hear the idea of “parenting your par...
Aug 10, 2016•39 min
Most of us have no idea how damaging relational stress can be. In this episode, legendary medical doctor and psycho-physio-spiritual trailblazer Dr. Gabor Maté brings some very grounded, practical examples of how relationship stress can impact our lives. The result of stress can be seen throughout the web of our life and it’s up to us to learn how to relate and attach well to our fellow humans. I love how this man turns such complicated topics into common sense. If you want a deeper cut about yo...
Aug 03, 2016•57 min
Fighting, arguing, and disagreeing are essential in a relationship, But it’s critical to know how. Here’s a short episode to help you understand how to calm down so you don’t do or say something you’ll later regret. SHOWNOTES Why Jayson doesn’t recommend long-term relationship for everyone. [1:45] Why do some couples that use one single email account? Share your thoughts in the private Facebook group [6:15] The likely reason you struggle with conflict in your relationship. [9:30] What defines a ...
Jul 27, 2016•32 min
In this Q&A episode, there were so many great questions. See the show notes below for a detailed line-up. SHOWNOTES How can I train myself to not go to an extreme dark place when I’m triggered by my partner? [4:30] A tool for calming yourself down. [6:00] What’s the best way to balance individual freedom in a relationship to avoid power struggles? [6:45] How to know when to stay in a relationship and when to leave? [9:30] Why is my husband not desiring me and initiating physical intimacy and...
Jul 20, 2016•47 min
Did I interview Yoda or just world renowned human behavior specialist Dr. John Demartini? Okay, buckle your seat belt for this one and be prepared to have some of your paradigms twisted and your feathers ruffled. I could have grilled this guy for hours, but I kept it to one hour to respect his time. Be sure to listen to this one twice and take notes. From no one being committed to you, to the fact that everyone is dishonest, I’m sure this episode will confront and serve you in many helpful ways....
Jul 13, 2016•1 hr 15 min
There are two kinds of expectations in a long-term relationship. Knowing the difference can help you sink or swim in your partnership. See if you can get honest about your expectations of yourself and your partner in this episode. SHOWNOTES The two kinds of expectations [5:45] Why laying a trip on someone doesn’t work in a partnership [9:30] Why trying to force someone to change never works. [11:45] Monogamy as an example of how to set an expectation. [13:45] Jayson’s challenge to the listener. ...
Jul 06, 2016•21 min
Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode. SHOWNOTES Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00] What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45] A perspective that will empower you whe...
Jun 29, 2016•28 min
Relationships get hard. But how do you know when hard is too freakin’ hard? And, what do you do about it? In this episode my wife and I explore a very common complaint about long-term relationships, especially after the initial honeymoon phase wears off. Are you making your relationship hard or are you making it easy? Believe it or not, you are in the driver’s seat on this. SHOWNOTES How do you know when your relationship is too hard? [5:30] The decision Jayson made that was crucial to his relat...
Jun 22, 2016•34 min
Your relationship questions are answered in this episode. We cover a lot of ground. One theme is how to deal with “value” differences in an intimate relationship. This one is really good because it can tear a relationship apart trying to fit each other into your respective boxes of how you prefer they be. SHOWNOTES How long to wait for your partner to blend your families and get married? [7:15] How can partners adapt in a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness? [11:45] Why do men li...
Jun 15, 2016•53 min
Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise? SHOWNOTES Your only two choices you have about your relationship pain [4:30] What is one of the harshest versions of relational pain [6:00] Th...
Jun 08, 2016•30 min
One of the most fundamental skills we need to navigate life’s challenges is not formally taught to us. We learn through the school of hard knocks and most of us get some pretty big scars. These scars don’t heal unless you use the very best methods to become stronger. Join me here as I invite you into something very special. Something that could impact us well beyond our life. SHOWNOTES The flawed thinking behind simply wanting a great relationship. [3:00] What could have benefited Jayson had he ...
Jun 01, 2016•15 min
Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “pa...
May 26, 2016•1 hr 7 min
Does having children ruin your marriage? The stats are against most of you who get married and choose children. But why is this, and what can you and your spouse do about it? Find out this and so much more as Jayson & Ellen use their own story as another example of what’s possible during the hardest of times. SHOWNOTES A powerful definition of a mature person. [2:20] The gloomy article on parenting that got Ellen and Jayson fired up. [6:15] The negative view of marriage. [7:50] How women are...
May 18, 2016•36 min
