Empathy isn’t just a feeling—it’s a skillset, and in this episode, we break down its secret language. From how to stop jumping to advice-giving to what true emotional presence really looks like, we explore the four essential attributes of empathy. If you’ve ever wondered why your support sometimes falls flat—or how to help your partner feel more understood—this episode is your guide to getting out of the “fix-it” trap and into deeper connection. We talk about topics such as: - The Four Attribute...
Jul 02, 2025•53 min
Have you ever felt like something about you was just…wrong? In this episode, we dive deep into the roots of shame—where it comes from, why we all experience it, and how it impacts our relationships in sneaky ways like defensiveness, over-explaining, or shutting down. Unpack the experience of shame, tracing it back to early childhood moments when we first began to believe something was wrong with us. They explore the difference between shame and guilt, how shame shows up in relationships through ...
Jun 25, 2025•54 min
We often rush to offer solutions when a loved one expresses emotional distress, not because we don't care, but because it's uncomfortable to witness pain—both theirs and our own. While advice and plans may seem helpful, skipping over empathy and validation can make others feel dismissed or misunderstood. In this episode, the hosts unpack why we default to fixing and offer tools to slow down, connect emotionally first, and ask what support is actually needed. In this episode, we cover topics such...
Jun 18, 2025•50 min
Being able to name and understand your emotions deepens your connection to yourself and improves your ability to connect with others. Language gives shape to emotional experiences, much like how having more words for color can help us better distinguish shades. By learning the core emotions—anger, fear, guilt, and pain—and understanding their physical and relational functions, we gain tools to navigate conflict and communicate more vulnerably and effectively. In this episode we talk about: Langu...
Jun 11, 2025•54 min
In this episode, examine how our assumptions about our partner's behavior shape the emotional climate of our relationship. Often, we default to interpretations that paint our partner as careless or intentionally hurtful, which leads to defensiveness and distance. By learning to make generous, non-evil assumptions—like believing our partner is overwhelmed rather than selfish—we create more space for empathy, curiosity, and connection. We cover topics such as: We often assume the worst based on ou...
Jun 04, 2025•54 min
Dive into how often people use indirect or protective strategies—like assuming or demanding—when trying to get their relational needs met, and why making needs explicit through vulnerability is both challenging and essential. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren emphasize that even though vulnerable communication is uncomfortable and risky, it’s the most effective way to build connection and avoid misunderstandings or resentment. They offer practical guidance on organizing your thoughts, understanding your...
May 28, 2025•59 min
This episode dives into the feeling of disillusionment in long-term relationships—when the connection, ease, or intimacy from the early days starts to fade and partners question what changed. The hosts unpack how this shift is often tied to attachment dynamics, life stressors, and the transition from novelty to responsibility in relationships. Instead of jumping to blame, the episode encourages listeners to get curious, explore the root causes of change, and decide whether to grow through it or ...
May 21, 2025•55 min
This episode explores the nuanced question of how much we should share about our intimate relationships with others, highlighting the spectrum between healthy connection and potential boundary violations. The hosts reflect on personal experiences and therapeutic insights to unpack the motivations behind sharing—such as co-regulation, validation, or humor—and examine how factors like upbringing, culture, and attachment styles shape our comfort with disclosure. The conversation emphasizes that cou...
May 14, 2025•52 min•Ep. 508
In this episode, the hosts unpack the complicated process of knowing when it's time to leave a relationship, highlighting the emotional risks, attachment patterns, and fears of regret that often make the decision so difficult. They emphasize that while love and good qualities may exist, non-negotiable differences, broken trust, or persistent disconnection can signal it's time to move on. The episode encourages self-trust, gathering support, experimenting with boundaries, and, when needed, seekin...
May 07, 2025•51 min
In this episode, the hosts illustrate how noticing when you need a break during conflict is essential for maintaining emotional regulation and protecting connection. They highlight how pushing through conflict without pausing can lead to emotional collapse or blow-ups, and how a break should be intentional, involving both calming the body and organizing thoughts before reengaging. The episode emphasizes that reframing breaks not as avoidance but as tools for better communication can help couples...
Apr 30, 2025•50 min•Ep. 506
When emotional growth happens at different paces in a relationship, it can create disconnection and frustration. This episode explores how partners can navigate this dynamic by cultivating curiosity, avoiding shame-based interpretations, and validating the complexity of individual growth paths. Rather than rushing to conclusions or trying to control the other, the hosts encourage compassion, open dialogue, and creative ways to reconnect. In this episode, we cover topics such as: Avoiding Righteo...
Apr 23, 2025•50 min
Explore the common relational challenge of mismatched sex drives in partnerships, emphasizing that differences in sexual desire are normal and often rooted in individual biology, life stage, or emotional dynamics. Rather than seeking a “right” or “normal” amount of sex, the hosts encourage couples to approach the topic with curiosity, vulnerability, and a willingness to understand one another’s needs. The conversation also challenges common gender-based assumptions about sex and introduces the i...
Apr 16, 2025•51 min
In this episode, the hosts explore the emotional complexity of being vulnerable in relationships and not receiving the supportive response we hope for. When partners often respond in protective ways—like shutting down or snapping back—can feel frustrating and disheartening—especially when you’re trying to be vulnerable and connect. Understanding what’s happening under the surface of that defensiveness and learning how to respond can completely shift the dynamic between you and your partner. List...
Apr 09, 2025•46 min
The concept of "letting people feel their feelings" may be confusing to some, however in this episode, Colter, Cayla and Lauren emphasize the importance of allowing others to experience emotions like anger, disappointment, or frustration without trying to fix, dismiss, or control them. Listen to unpack the internal discomfort that often drives our impulse to manage others’ emotions, which can stem from fear of being misunderstood, shame, or a lack of emotional literacy. The conversation highligh...
Apr 02, 2025•48 min•Ep. 503
This episode of the Relationship Advice podcast explores the value of creating a Non-Negotiables List to establish clear boundaries and expectations in relationships. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren discuss how striking the right balance—neither too rigid nor too lenient—can lead to healthier connections in both dating and marriage. They also offer practical strategies for crafting a personalized list that promotes self-awareness, intentional decision-making, and meaningful communication. In the episo...
Mar 26, 2025•51 min•Ep. 502
What’s the difference between curiosity and questioning in relationships? Learn about the importance of approaching emotional challenges with openness rather than interrogation. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren share their personal journey into couples therapy, attachment theory, and the development of resources to help individuals heal from anxious attachment. In this episode, they talk about topics such as: Difference in Curiosity and Questioning Impact of Questioning How to Lead w/ Curiosity Communi...
Mar 19, 2025•53 min•Ep. 501
Joined by special guest, Julie Menanno, our hosts sit down to discuss how to heal insecure attachment by focusing on self-awareness, emotional regulation, and developing a secure relationship with oneself. She emphasizes that attachment wounds manifest through self-abandonment, which leads to unhealthy relational patterns. Healing involves learning to sit with and process difficult emotions rather than seeking external reassurance, shifting from self-protection to self-support. In relationships,...
Mar 12, 2025•59 min•Ep. 500
Explore the tension between personal experience and factual correctness in relationships, particularly in boundary-setting and decision-making. The hosts discuss how relying too heavily on logic and research to "win" arguments can create gridlock and emotional disconnection, emphasizing the importance of curiosity, empathy, and slowing down difficult conversations. They demonstrate how shifting from a debate-style approach to one focused on safety and understanding can lead to more productive an...
Mar 05, 2025•56 min•Ep. 499
This episode explores the importance of rituals in relationships, emphasizing how they create trust, connection, and predictability between partners. Whether it is daily acts, like greeting each other after work or having a bedtime routine, or larger, less frequent traditions, like weekly date nights, annual celebrations, or even rituals for personal space. Without these conversations, there an be an unspoken expectations around rituals that can create frustration and misinterpretation in relati...
Feb 26, 2025•48 min•Ep. 498
A negative couples cycle is a recurring pattern of interaction in which partners react to each other’s protective moves, escalating conflict rather than addressing the underlying emotions. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren illustrate how miscommunication and emotional defenses—such as criticism, defensiveness, or withdrawal—reinforce each other in a self-perpetuating loop. By identifying these cycles and understanding the emotions driving them, couples can shift from blame to curiosity, fostering better...
Feb 19, 2025•47 min•Ep. 497
Today Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive into the “taboo” topic of sex, offering advice on when to say yes and when to say no. This episode explores how partners can navigate differences in sexual desire by recognizing how things like stress, emotional connection, and personal preferences impact intimacy and why a simple "yes" or "no" isn’t always the best response. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Understanding Individual Preferences Accelerators & Breaks (Turn Ons/Offs) Importance o...
Feb 12, 2025•51 min•Ep. 496
Today Colter, Lauren and Cayla dive into boundaries, emphasizing their importance in maintaining personal energy, trust, and healthy relationships. The hosts delve into the pitfalls of rigid or non-existent boundaries, offering strategies to navigate requests thoughtfully while prioritizing individual values and needs. By sharing real-life examples, they highlight how to say "yes," "no," or propose counter-offers based on personal capacity and relational dynamics. In the episode, we touch on top...
Feb 05, 2025•48 min•Ep. 495
We hate absolutes, but are pretty confident in saying that every relationship has a pursuer and a withdrawer. In this two part series we are breaking down each of these roles, how to help, how to love, how to communicate. And if there are two podcasts you listen to of ours let this be them! In this episode we discuss: The protective moves that pursuers gravitate towards How pursuers handle conflict How we can love our pursuer partners more How there is a different energy between pursuers and wit...
Jan 29, 2025•59 min•Ep. 494
We hate absolutes, but are pretty confident in saying that every relationship has a pursuer and a withdrawer. In this two part series we are breaking down each of these roles, how to help, how to love, how to communicate. And if there are two podcasts you listen to of ours let this be them! In this episode, we discuss: The protective moves that withdrawers gravitate towards How withdrawers handle conflict How we can love our withdrawer partners more How there is a different energy between pursue...
Jan 22, 2025•36 min•Ep. 493
In this episode Colter, Cayla, and Lauren dive through what it means to be relational over being right. We've heard it said before that you can be right or you can be in a relationship. Which is so hard when you like being right as much as we all do! We also dig through how we get so focused on the content of the conversation but how the process is really what is important. In the episode, we touch on topics such as: Focusing on how vs what Understanding emotional needs Effective Communication S...
Jan 15, 2025•58 min•Ep. 492
In today's episode Colter, Lauren and Cayla explore the relationship between emotional needs and actionable requests in the context of individuation. They discuss how recognizing individual differences and pairing emotional needs with specific requests can enhance communication and connection in relationships. The episode highlights practical strategies for navigating common relational challenges, emphasizing the importance of understanding and negotiating needs. In the episode, we touch on topi...
Jan 08, 2025•47 min•Ep. 491
In this episode of Relationship Advice, Colter Bloxom, Lauren Mokarry, and Cayla Bozovich explore the concept of the "Window of Tolerance," a framework developed by Dr. Dan Siegel. They discuss its importance in maintaining emotional regulation and improving relationships. The hosts delve into how understanding this concept can help navigate stress, build resilience, and foster healthier interpersonal dynamics. In this episode we discuss relationship advice topics that include: Window of Toleran...
Jan 02, 2025•53 min•Ep. 490
On this episode, Colter, Cayla, and Lauren sit down with the long-running Relationship Advice podcast host Chase Kosterlitz as he reflects on ten years of hosting, sharing key lessons/insights about relationships and emphasizing the importance of friendships and somatic practices for personal growth and relational well-being. In this episode we discuss topics that include: Chase's Reflections on Hosting Attachment Styles Effective Communication Balance in Relationships Friendships and Support Ne...
Dec 26, 2024•54 min•Ep. 489
This episode introduces the foundations of a healthy relationship through four key pillars. Colter, Cayla, and Lauren use relatable examples, such as navigating differing preferences in dance lessons or understanding the dynamic between pursuers and withdrawers, to illustrate these concepts. They emphasize the importance of shared language, emotional safety, and empathy in building deeper connections. Rather than prescribing rigid rules, the episode advocates for learning and practicing relation...
Dec 18, 2024•52 min•Ep. 488
In this episode we sit down with licensed therapists and our incoming Relationship Advice hosts Colter, Cayla, and Lauren to talk about the "protective moves," or behaviors people exhibit during conflict to shield themselves emotionally or regain a sense of control in relationships. These 3 are experienced therapists specializing in attachment, trauma, and anxiety, explore how these moves—like defensiveness, criticism, passive aggressiveness, avoidance, or over explaining—are common yet often di...
Dec 11, 2024•52 min•Ep. 487
