508: McClue Manor
The crime? A mordor. The suspect?! YOU. And you thought you'd get away with it you little freak. Well say hello to a little thing we like to call JUSTICE.
Nov 06, 2022•1 hr 7 min
Regular Features
Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week
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Episodes
507: Corden's Crime Crabs
Please, for god's sake, put down the weapon... and pick up a BIG SMILE because it is time for Regular Features actually. This week, Joe takes policing into his own hands, and Steve talks about a creature that doesn't even HAVE hands (but it does have a gun). Log turns up, but then leaves because a member of the glitterati had twizzled in to give us the inside scoop on Hollywood's biggest ever problem: James Corden.
Oct 27, 2022•40 min
506: I'm The Boy With Bums In His Hair
Hey, what else can I tell ya, it's episode 506 of the Reg'lar Features podcast. In this one, Steve's on about legs. Log's on about herons. And Joe's on about the various nicknames given by George W Bush to his closest Colin Powells. Get it in ya!
Oct 20, 2022•52 min
505: Terf Wars: A New Dope
This week the fellas take their much overdue podcasting license test and we wade into the Terf Wars. We're on the good side just in case you were wondering.
Oct 09, 2022•36 min
504: Dat Zinking Feelink
You know how submarines are designed to go under the water and do torpedos and pinging and that? Well we've just come up with an idea for a new type of submarine that goes above the water. We can't give you any more details but let's just say it's called a SURmarine, it can carry 140 tactical nuclear warheads, and you CAN'T get it wet. In this episode of Regular Features, we receive a letter from an underwater-faring surmarine. Log checks in with our old friend Wolf Blitzer. And Joe envisions ho...
Sep 27, 2022•44 min
503: respect.mp3_V2_final_USETHISONE
The Queen is about to done be stuffed in the ground FOREVER. You are quite rightly sad so we are here to take your mind off of it with tales of jeans and Centre Parcs.
Sep 18, 2022•49 min
502: A Class Act, Until the End
It is a dark week for people named 'Elizabeth' or 'Queen' but we've somehow managed to gather ourselves and create a fitting tribute to the one they called 'Queen Elizabeth'.
Sep 11, 2022•36 min
501: Cryobaric Hypersnooze, If You Don't Mind
hello apple please help me: 062330 People say you can fly too close to the sun? Well we say you can't fly close enough. We say you can fly right up to it, so that your nude chest grazes along its surface as you circumnavigate its plasmic equator at one billion miles per hour, like you are Space Harrier himself, skirting along the edge of the troposphere, shooting energy bullets from your face, and what oh okay. In this one, Joe does a squish, and Log wants to give you a job at his pub. See you a...
Sep 04, 2022•32 min
500: The Half-a-Thousand Live Show
Here is the Episode 500 LIVE extravaganza! If you'd like to recreate the evening yourself, we recommend listening to a room where the walls are visibly sweating. This show features some bits that may be better experienced with your eyes so either get yourself a DeLorean and head back to night of the show OR watch the show on YouTube here: https://bit.ly/rf500live Joe's Feature has a lovely little slideshow so when you get to his bit, you can play along here: https://bit.ly/rf500pitchdeck AND fin...
Aug 21, 2022•1 hr 28 min
499: Q&A With Johnny Magoo
On the eve of the episode 500 live show, all five Feature boys got together, drank far too much, and recorded a question-and-answer session. We don't regret it one bit ACTUALLY.
Aug 13, 2022•1 hr 3 min
498: Amber Gambler Honey Complaints
Everybody likes to say things are "out the wazoo", but nobody ever asks "how's the wazoo". Nobody ever inspects the wazoo to make sure its hard-working chute isn't red raw with all the stuff whizzing out of it. Nobody applies the special clinical wazoo balms the wazoo doctor prescribed, but the poor wazoo didn't have the hands to rub into its own wazoo. But does the wazoo ever complain? No. Says more about you than it does the wazoo if you're askin' for my two pence, which you ain't. In this epi...
Aug 05, 2022•47 min
497: Buy Our Honey
Guess what, we're pivoting to HONEY SALES now. That's right, Regular Features has produced a small batch of 100% organic honey with the help of a hive of bees in North London. Visit our shop at the link below to grab your jar of our special sticky reserve today, before they're all gone! https://regularfeatures.com/shop/honey-by-regular-features/ To celebrate our new venture, in this episode we take you behind the scenes on a tour of the very hive our honey got scraped out of. We can hardly belie...
Aug 01, 2022•1 hr 7 min
496: Hot Mum Curse Mountain
You have some nerve showing your face around here after what you did. But since you're here, you might as well stay and listen. In this episode, Joe demystifies the British parliamentary process. Log helps out a mum in need. Steve got too hot in a heatwave.
Jul 26, 2022•57 min
495: The Catfisher Becomes The Catfished
Imagine YOU were the Hotstepper. How would YOU like it if you heard everyone saying "Here come the Hotstepper" every single time they saw you? "Look busy," whispers Daniel in Accounts Payable, shuffling urgently past HR with a folder clutched to his chest. "I just saw the Hotstepper getting out of the lift." You might be London's fanciest Hotstepper by night, but by day you're Martin Pickering, area manager for Bridlington Diagnostics. And you just want to DO YOUR JOB In this TECHNICAL DIFFICULT...
Jul 17, 2022•40 min
Log and Joe's Deleted Scenes Special
This might sound like a special in which we include deleted scenes from past episodes of Regular Features, but it ISN'T. What it actually contains is Log and Joe joining forces for a never-before-seen twoboy episode in which they theme multiple micro-features along the theme of deleted scenes. We've got the Green Mile, we've got Se7en, we've got Big Yellow Taxi, we've got My Baby All-Gone, and we've got even more tenuous connections than that. And if you DARE suggest that this is being called a ...
Jul 07, 2022•47 min
494: 10 PRINT "Hello Son" 20 GOTO 10
Some days you're the horse. Other days you're the horse's secret collection of amethysts he keeps under a big pile of hay in his stable. In this episode, Log tries to fill a printer-shaped hole in his soul with a laserjet. Matt springs a painterly pop-quiz on us. And Steve finds a way to reconcile with his dad. Let's go!
Jun 29, 2022•48 min
493: The National Trust Guide to Fruity Same-Sex Smooches
Chalk and cheese. You'd think they'd be disgusting together, but I'm eating some right now and it's absolutely delicious exchept forr hoaw it claggxx up mah mouuut. Aneewoy I shupposh iss tym to chell yoo abow thisz weekss epishold of Rehgyolnah Peeches. Shteef hash sheen duh Dishnee Pixaaaaaah moofie Laghtyeeah and ish dinsgustin!! Jhoh izz on tze hunnt fo a Wikinpeeedinah paych antd.... *spits* Log has visited a number of National Trust heritage sites. Time for another bite I think! HAAFFF A G...
Jun 20, 2022•45 min
492: Laser Goblin
Four score and Michael Barrymore. Sorry, that's all I've got. Thanks for reading this bit. In this episode, Gav looms over us like a ghost, Steve's got laser eye surgery, and Log's a mean little goblin with a mission to pang the queen, That's right, PANG! We love you.
Jun 11, 2022•53 min
491: Lord of the Ringo Bingo
How did you get in here? This is a supposed to be a private crematorium. You shouldn't be riding your penny farthing around the crematorium honking on that antique horn of yours. Watch out for that pile of unburnt cadavers! Oh no, you've knocked them all over and their toe tags got all mixed up – now we won't know which grieving widows get which urns. Look, we promise we won't tell on you for goofing around the crematorium if you don't tell the widows we're doling out rando-ashes. Deal? Deal! In...
Jun 03, 2022•59 min
490: Emotional Wine Spice.wav
This week's episode of Regular Features is presented, as always, in high-quality .wav format. You make a .wav by walking up the holy mountain and holding your Zune to the sky. A single raindrop will fall into the 3.5mm headphone jack, and a .wav will be shat out. It's beautiful. This week's .wav is filled with a spicy, sexy episode of Star Trek, a look into the newest FIFA game on PS2, and a discussion of why you'd ever want to be in a bath full of Beelzebub's juice - wine.
May 27, 2022•48 min
489: Orson Welles' Mucky Bins
This week the fellas are joined by two very special guests Orson Welles and one other person whom I shall not be naming here lest I rob you of the excitement we all felt in the room when he showed up.
May 23, 2022•50 min
488: Arcade Fires on a Rowboat
This is episode 488, which in bingo calling is "two fat ladies, married for forty years and still profoundly in love, standing at an easel where the first fat lady is painting a simple watercolour of their pet cat (name of Biscuits) as the second fat lady watches her from behind. The first fat lady turns to her wife and says, 'my dear wife, these past few months I cannot help but feel we are growing apart, is something the matter?' To which her adoring wife smiles and eventually replies, 'no, my...
May 11, 2022•54 min
487: Dunst's Dizzee Flippin' Rant
Well aren't you just knee high to a horse, you lovely little thing. Let me give your hair a ruffle, oh you're ever so cu- YOU JUST BIT ME. Why did you bite me? I just came along to tell you what's in this week's episode of Regular Features and now I shall have to get a shot for some kind of muddy disease. Serves me right for trying to be nice. Well here's the low-down I SUPPOSE: Matt has had a crazy weekend fistbumping rappers and trying not to be bullied by children. Steve has his hands on a pr...
Apr 29, 2022•58 min
486: Golden Simpsons Ticket
Well, there's nothing else for it, we'll simply have to do another episode of the Regular Features podcast IF IT SO SUITS THEIR HIGHNESS. In this one, Log fails to groom an heir to his publican throne, and Joe mourns the loss of the thing where the continuity guy talks about Hollyoaks over Danny Elfman music. Steve is here, as useless as ever, staring slackjawed into the sun like a statue. Love you!
Apr 23, 2022•37 min
485: Tell Your Boss
You've been very good today so here's a podcast we made just for you, as a reward. Also, hey, that thing you're feeling stressed about doesn't matter, you're doing great buddy. Keep it up! In this episode, Steve is drafted in as the lord of the dance, Log unearths some horny personal ads from 1992, and Joe is put off his entree by a doddery old racist on the next table. TELL YOUR BOSS.
Apr 16, 2022•44 min
484: Celebrity Heaven (with Spiders)
Steve ushers in a new period of respectfulness for the podcast, in which we deal with recent sad news in a fashion that cannot, surely, cause offence. Joe fearlessly takes on the biggest, most blistering incident to dominate the celebrosphere. Log sticks his tongue half out his mouth and talks about sucking off spiders, for the second time.
Apr 03, 2022•40 min
483: Search for the Soreen Inside Yourself
On this week's episode Joe, Log and Gav crack some of their famous 'wise' about malt loaf, heaven and bees. There's also some exciting news about The Regular Features Episode 500 Live Show!
Mar 28, 2022•43 min
482: Regular Features - Origins
Have you ever wanted to know how Regular Features' greatest stories came to be? Have you ever wondered how Grapesalicious gained her penchant for a piece of pink peppercorn? Or how Buck Pawchucker became mayor? What about how Gav surivived? Well, we answer NONE of these questions in this otherwise origin story-packed ordeal from Steve, Log, and Joe. Strap them lugholes into a helment - you're about to go back in time using only your freakin' ears.
Mar 17, 2022•45 min
481: Banana Horoscopes Up the Wazoo
Log, Matt and Gav get together to talk horoscopes or should we HORRORscopes??....no, actually horoscopes was correct. Sorry about that. There's also some stuff about a dog and I think Nish Kumar but I can't be sure.
Mar 13, 2022•39 min
480: The Magic Convention Special feat. Topas
Gavin and Joe infiltrated a world of alakazams by putting on cloaks and big hats and saying that they knew what a spell was, and now they present to you, the Regular Features reader, a special report on the Blackpool Magic Convention 2022. If, while you read this episode, your whole body falls off, don't be afraid - it's just magic. Kazoo Orchestra does Danse Macabre by Imaginary Kazoo Orchestra https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj9yMUWjtyA
Mar 04, 2022•49 min
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