You can keep your Emily Maitlises and your Frost/Nixons, because Regular Features is finally pivoting to hot hot politics. In fact, we are the only politics podcast that doesn't have a Krishnan Guru-Murthy constantly riding around on an electric scooter in the background, and that's a Regular Features promise. In this episode, Log introduces us to the Republican Party presidential candidate nominees, thanks to a couple of hypnotic lanyards he found under his pillow one morning. Steve tries to he...
Aug 28, 2023•36 min
This episode is dedicated to the legendary broadcaster Michael "Champ" Parkinson, whom we love. Joe processes his grief with a feature about Lord Fauntleroy, Steve deals with his emotions by securing some much needed funding from a cruise company. Gav projects his feelings of anger on to a smoking neighbour. This episode is sponsored by Cunard Cruises.
Aug 20, 2023•36 min
Hey, you know how a demure Helen O'Connell asks Dean Martin how he likes his eggs in the morning (in the hit song "How D'ya Like Your Eggs In The Morning"), and how it should be pretty obvious to everybody that she's coyly inviting him to stay the night? But then a horny and oblivious Dean Martin keeps replying with "I LIKE MINE WITH A KISS" and "REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT EGGS, JUST GOTTA GET MY FREAKIN KISSES" and later, "I WILL TRANSFORM INTO AN ANGRY MONSTER IF IT'S JUST EGGS AND WE DON'T ACTUA...
Aug 11, 2023•50 min
bushel [ˈbʊʃ(ə)l] NOUN, BRITISH A measure of capacity equal to 8 gallons (equivalent to 36.4 litres), used for corn, fruit, liquids, etc. Definitely NOT just a small bush. de Groot [də кнrōt′] NAME, DUTCH The sexiest group of adventurers, inventors, sportspeople and all-round hotpot yummydaddies in all of western Europe and possibly THE GLOBE. Get a load of de Groots in your peepers and you'll be on the floor kicking a leg like a tickled pooch.
Aug 03, 2023•46 min
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was letting Joe smell the well again, putting a picture of a transparent mouse in front of Steve, and giving Log unprecendented access to the private communiqués of Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. Oo that Devil, he's got a nerve on him, I'd like to truss him up and say, "try doing that again, Satan, when you're all covered in ropes and my personal slime! Go on! Try it, love!!!"
Jul 26, 2023•1 hr 4 min
In this episode of Regular Features, Log's been playing the hip new rocket propelled grenade Final Fantasy 16. Steve's been caught dumping aspartame into all your favourite sugar free drinks. And Joe's found a prudish new sponsor who'll take us from curse... to worse!
Jul 18, 2023•54 min
If you can't handle me at my hurdy, you don't deserve me at my gurdy. In this one, Steve heads underwater to discover treasures untold. Joe comes head to head with a devil baby. Log submits his video will.
Jul 08, 2023•55 min
Who wants to hear a podcast about a gym botherer and a towel muncher? And also with a dash of tooth lover??
Jun 26, 2023•44 min
Left with a Succession-shaped void where his guts and arse used to be, Joe takes the hit HBO series to the West End where it always belonged. And Log puts the "fancier" into "yeah your pigeon's pretty fancy I guess, but mine is fancier. Hey wait, is that man riding a Shire horse over there? Come back, I have a comparison to make with you! Giddy up Sugarlump, my introverted pony. He's getting away!" Steve is here too, though you wouldn't guess it from the complete lack of features on the lad. Hav...
Jun 05, 2023•41 min
This week's episode comes directly from Joe's Stag Do. A stag do is where boys go to do podcasts, and we highly recommend it, especially to you, MISSUS. Gav quizzes Joe on the likes, dislikes, and historic whereabouts of his fiancée. Steve writes a poem to rival that one about your parents being bad for your bonce. Log commits horrors with language alone.
May 26, 2023•41 min
Think of a breakfast meat. Now think of a member of the royal family. You were thinking of Black Pudding Camilla weren't you? No? Oh right, then you must have been thinking about the big man himself, ol' Charlie boy and his beautiful sausage fingers, each one inflated to 240PSI and fit to burst at the knuckles. Log has done a feature all about what it must be like to be those fingers. Steve's been humming a little song about beans all day. Joe attends, clutching his pearls and screeching uncontr...
May 19, 2023•39 min
Come, come inside my fortune telling tent young man, or is it young woman? My wizened old crone eyes can't see too well these days. What... "crone"? No, no it's fine, I can say it because I am one, it's our word. No, yeah I know it's rooted in misogyny. We're reclaiming it, sort of like "queer". Oh god sorry I didn't realise you were queer. Oh god I've said it again. Right, turn over your cards. There. You'll meet a tall handsome stranger on a blimp, now get out of my tent. In this two-boy fiasc...
May 13, 2023•41 min
I am REALLY gassy right now. Log does Mandalorian via Pussy Pals. Steve does meat of the week. Matt been stench in p*******. God, I am so gassy.
May 03, 2023•48 min
Here it is! Somehow Joe and Gav got invited back to the British Kebab Awards to report from the frontlines on all the going ons from the biggest night of the meat calendar. justgiving.com/donate-a-doner If you enjoyed this episode please consider donating to the incredible Donate-a-Doner charity to help the victims of the earthquake that affected Syria and Turkey.
Apr 19, 2023•1 hr 9 min
Hoik up your britches and join us in the Regular Features tide pool, but mind you don't step on a hermit crab or one of those cool wet slugs. They were here first and we are their guests in the tide pool. We must always remember that the wet slug is our hostess. Write it down. Write down in your copybook that the wet slug is your hostess before you get into the tide pool. In this episode, Joe is visited by a Babadook who wants to set the record straight. And Steve's received a newsletter from Ro...
Apr 10, 2023•33 min
Right on the heels of Episode 522 - it's Episode 523! 522 has ducked into a back alley in an attempt to escape the inevitable, but 523 has locked onto their scent. 522 looks around for anything they could use as a weapon, as the slobbering 523 approaches, dragging its lame, smoky leg across the hot cobbles. It's been injured in the chase, and 522, for the first time, notices a sense of profound sadness in its lumbering gait. It takes no pleasure from this process. It is simply how things must be...
Apr 04, 2023•36 min
No, it's not the Kebabbies episode just yet. That meaty boy is still percolating in our collective guts, and it will come blasting out at you when you and we least expect it. In this one, Log has been spitting rhymes in Assassins's Creed Valhalla, Joe has been measured to within an inch of his life at the tailor, and Steve was moved to burps by Brendan Fraser's Oscars speech.
Mar 25, 2023•52 min
When you wish upon a star, does it come true? It hasn't for me, so far. I'm only asking to test the "makes no difference who you are" hypothesis. I mean it'd be a *bit* annoying if we've all been sucked in by an international wish-granting scam. But it'd be absolutely galling if I was the only sap diligently facing his wish mat towards Orlando and NOT getting his fondest wish granted. (My fondest wish, in case you were wondering, is to see a punk help an old lady cross the road in Piccadilly Cir...
Mar 02, 2023•42 min
Do you think they added the "and decorator" bit to "painter and decorator" because people kept accidentally booking watercolourists to come in and do the spare room? Like these painters kept showing up with their easels, and the person's like, "you won't be needing that buddy-boy, here's some Farrow & Ball", and then we cut to the Tate Modern and there's a contractor rolling a second undercoat on to a Rothko while the guards try to rugby tackle him. Anyway in this one Joe overhears a fleshy ...
Feb 24, 2023•54 min
Wham! Bam! Thank you, ma'am. Yes, thank you for participating in the annual whamming and bamming contest. Now who's next. Wham! Thank you sir, but I'm afraid you're disqualified. You forgot to bam. No you can't go again. In this one, Log finds romance in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Joe investigates our disappearing kebab retweets. Steve eats a Dorito. Thanks! "Tenebrous Brothers Carnival - Act Two" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http...
Feb 13, 2023•51 min
Hello, this is your phone speaking. I just wanted to say that it's real nice and cosy inside your pocket. I bet you thought I'd say it stinks of coins and thighs, but that's just your inner critic trying to trip you up again. You're your own worst enemy, when you gotta be your own biggest cheerleader, cos there aint anyone else around here who's gonna do it, except for maybe your housekeys. Hello this is your housekeys. Gimme a Y. Gimme a O. Gimme a U. That's spells YOU. As in YOU are amazing. T...
Feb 03, 2023•54 min
Welcome to the far future, where Blobbies buy you on eBay. Frightened yet? Well listen to Regular Features and feel a lot nicer about yourself.
Jan 26, 2023•1 hr 2 min
Prince Harry's tadger keeps transporting him into realms of reveries, and we simply can't get enough.
Jan 19, 2023•1 hr 1 min
This week we go back to bible times and learn about syrups and Log has a new enemy. Please retweet this so that we can go to the Kebab Awards again please: https://twitter.com/RegularFeatures/status/1552632683787952130
Jan 15, 2023•41 min
This week we bring back a forgotten tradition of the podcast - The Holiday Ramble.
Jan 05, 2023•50 min
Get outa here!
Dec 24, 2022•48 min
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire... writes the crime scene investigator in his crime solving notepad, as he shakes his head and cries into an evidence bag in the charred ruins of a house. It was a crime scene investigation this entire time, that's the twist. Please be fire safe this Christmas! Turn off your Christmas lights and don't play with candles. Okay! Let's have some Regular Features. In this one, Log has some advertisements for other podcasts on the Regular Features network. Steve writ...
Dec 17, 2022•46 min
There's never been a better time to invest in worms. Worms are under you right now, working around the clock to make the rotten wet soil nice for daisies. Worms are versatile! They act like novelty Banana Boats for holidaymaking earwigs - AND they make chic scarves for robins in winter. And when the weather warms up? Don't put your worm scarf in the wardrobe! Rip it off, peck it to shreds, and eat a bit of it before getting startled by a cat. Worms are at the intersection of fungus and tree. The...
Dec 07, 2022•38 min
In this episode, Steve burns his candle at both ends. And Log invites you to embody him completely and understand once and for all the arduous process of producing a regular feature. Joe is here, to bear witness to this foul act.
Nov 30, 2022•36 min
Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door, but where's the people? Church attendance has been in decline for decades. Among people aged between 18 and 24, the incidence of religious affiliation is only 30.7%. If it were to drop below 30%, a special alarm will go off inside the Pope's hat, and he'll take off his hat and there'll be a special golden telephone under there, ringing. He'll pick it up. "Hello, Pope speaking." He'll hold his hand over the receiver and mouth the words "it's g...
Nov 18, 2022•50 min
