I apologize to my children when I know that I've crossed the boundary . I haven't done something that I could have done better .
Hello , my dear friend , welcome back to another episode of the Cures Neuron podcast . My name is Cindy Huffington and I am your host . If you're new here at Cures Neuron , welcome . We are all about sharing insights from research to help you learn how to support your child's mental and emotional health and nurture your own as well .
Every once in a while , I also have a conversation with somebody that can help us grow and help us learn about ourselves , and Andrea is my guest today , and I'm excited to share this episode with you . If you watched the series Jane the Virgin , then you will recognize Andrea .
She is the mom of Jane in the show and she is somebody that I've been following on social media , along with Justin Baldoni , if you haven't heard my podcast episode with him , he was the first episode in season three . You can check that out on our website , curesneuroncom , and you'll find it more easily , I think , then on the Spotify or Apple podcast apps .
However , the reason why I follow both of them is because you know my values align with their values .
So I did this interesting kind of test with my friend this past week actually , and we came down to the conclusion that my values are there are two things connection and growth , and this makes sense because what resonates with me when I'm having a conversation with somebody or I'm , you know , getting to know somebody , somebody who looks inward , who's trying to gain
insight to who they are , somebody who's trying to understand themselves so that they can grow . That's something that's important to me and I tend to connect with that a lot . There's also a connection part to me Even if I'm not in front of you . I don't know you , I've never seen you or met you .
I feel connected to the people that write to me and that I know are listening , because I want you to grow from the content that I'm creating here in CuresNeuron . So it was really interesting to do this little test with my friend Christina and come out with the results that connection and growth are important to me because they really really are .
That is why I connected with Justin a few years ago and he came on the podcast to talk about his own growth and I interviewed him to talk about his book man Enough .
Now Aunt Gianna Vettel has a book and I read it and I love the way that she just has insight on everything and if you follow her on social media , you can also see that she shares a lot about struggles and she shares a lot about mental health and her own insights into who she is and why she's that way .
I think it's important to follow these people and to learn from that . So that's the conversation we're going to have today . So I'm really grateful that Andrea accepted to join me on the podcast . I respect her work as an actress and as an author . Now I encourage you to reach out and get her book called the Otherness Is Our Strength .
It's an interesting look into her life and how she's developed her strengths . Also , as a side note , it's always interesting to speak with somebody that we've seen or I've seen on TV or social media . There's a few guests that I've had on , including Andrea and Dr Bruce Perry and Justin Baldoni .
That are celebrities and people out there and you have this sort of picture of them and when you speak to them , it is the most wonderful thing to see that everything you thought they were , they are Just like Justin and Andrea and Dr Bruce Perry .
Their passion comes through and Andrea was such an amazing person to have a conversation with , so gentle and soft spoken and also caring and compassionate . Through what she was saying and our off recording conversation .
She was just interested in getting to know me and to have this conversation and was grateful at the end of it , so I'm really appreciative of the time that Andrea took and can't wait to share this episode with you . Just before we begin , I'd like to thank the Tenenbaum Open Science Institute for supporting the Cures Neuron podcast .
It means everything to me that we have an academic institution supporting the work that we do here at Cures Neuron . Science is important to us and putting it out there is important to us , so thank you for that .
And also , if you're not doing so yet , you can follow us on Instagram at curious underscore neuron and visit our website at curesneuroncom and in the show notes of this podcast episode , just like every other one . You can visit the academy if you want to learn from Cures Neuron and learn from webinars that are based on science .
And I want to thank POPPOP , which is one of our supporters , and there's a link for you in the show notes that gives you 50% off a one year subscription , and better help also gives you a discount . The link is in the show notes , so thank you to better help as well . And , lastly , I am the co-founder of the Wonder Grade app .
So if you are struggling with knowing how to teach your child emotion regulation skills and helping them with their big emotions , whether it's worry or tantrums , or sadness or frustration , you can download the Wonder Grade app and give it a try for free for two weeks . The link is in the show notes as well .
So I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Andrea at Navero and I'll see you on the other side . Hi Andrea , thanks for joining me today .
Hi , thank you for having me . I'm very excited to have this conversation .
Yes , you know , a much needed conversation , and I think , before we get into what we want to connect up on today and chat about , I need to bring up Jane the Virgin just a little bit , because I think it's going to be such a nice segue into our conversation .
The role that you played as Yomara and the mom that she was , I think , is what we wished we had as a mom most of us , as you know and not to put her moms down , my mom was a single mom and did an amazing job , but it's just what you created as that purse , that character and also the mom that we want to be , that confident mom .
But we all struggle so much . So that's why I wanted to bring it up , because I think that there's that battle internally , right , and you talk a lot about that in your book . So let's start on . How was it playing that role , and was it ever a sort of learning opportunity for you to rethink about your own life as well ?
So I can relate to the role of Yomara because , as a single mom , that's what I knew . That's when I was growing up . My mom was a single mom . That's what I saw . I saw my aunts raising their kids as single moms Not an easy job .
Then , when I became a mom , I had a partner and then I ended up losing my partner , which is a long story , but I ended up like experiencing what that was like and I said but I have education and I have money and I have a nice place to live , and these are things that I can give my children . And yet it is still so hard .
I still question myself as a mom if I'm doing a good job , and I would even meet fans sometimes who would say , oh , I wish I was , I wish you were my mom , and I think , oh , my gosh , if you only knew I love playing Yomara . But I question myself every day as a mom in real life and whether or not I'm doing a good job . Not easy .
And I think so many of us are struggling with that . I'm lucky that I get to speak to lots of moms and dads , but the moms are truly struggling . Right now . I have this weekly sort of poll on Instagram and it's called am I the only one ?
And it's just so that parents or moms can put out like am I the only one that feels this way or had a child that did this ? Because sometimes we feel alone in this journey and I have to say a really big majority of moms are sharing that .
They feel lonely , that they don't feel they are enough , that they are not doing well as a mom , that they don't have a circle of friends to support them , just body struggles , everything . So I enjoyed reading about your journey and sort of how you've been going through this and how you worked through many things .
When you talk about the otherness is our strength . Where do we begin if a mom is listening to this and is truly feeling at the bottom of everything and can't see the light right now ? Like how do we begin that work ?
One of the things that I always I don't know why I was like this is a kid , but I always kind of went inside to kind of figure out what can I do ? What can I do , what is in my power to change ?
If I don't like a certain situation or if I'm not feeling good about myself , or if I need something and I don't have it right now , what can I do to get it ? What can I do to change ?
As a young child , I had experienced childhood trauma , in the sense of there was violence in the household and then also I had been sexually abused by my stepfather at age six . So I had a lot of things to work out , still working them out , and I ended up having to parent myself .
You know , in high school and I went up to my mom and I said , mom , I need help , I need to speak to somebody , and that sort of started the journey for me on self-help in a lot of ways , and that was probably age 17 or 16 , something like that .
I believe that you start by maybe journaling , or you start by talking to a trusted and when I say trusted I mean a trusted friend , because sometimes we think someone's trusted and they're not . I turn to books , turn to podcasts . Just start doing little things , just to take care of yourself , and then you can take care of others .
The journaling part , I think is a really powerful first step and I like that you look inside first because there are questions that we can ask ourselves . I think that we'll start that work and just journaling . I had posted a podcast about this , just writing like something we're grateful for .
I remember I started this on January 1st this year and within three weeks I noticed I had never done this before and within just three weeks I noticed how I was writing , the little things like I have three kids ages three , five and seven and the little moments where they like hugged me and I hadn't really noticed that .
So the days that were hard from being home with three kids were becoming just a tiny little bit easier because of those moments of gratitude which I hadn't noticed before . So I think journaling is a really good and important first step .
Yeah , and you know what that reminds me . So part of manifesting Jane and this is not in the book , because there was a lot of stories , but there is a part in the book where I talk about where I was working in LA working on a film before Jane the Virgin and then I met with Cassidy Rectors and I auditioned and the story gets told in the book .
But one of the things that I did while I was in LA was I was struggling with a lot of self-doubt and feeling like I wasn't getting ahead in my career and issues in my marriage and a whole slew of things . And so at the time , brinay Brown was doing an online journaling course .
It was art journaling with Oprah's life class , and I looked at the dates and it was like six weeks and it exactly fell within the dates that I'd be working on this film and I was going to be by myself I wouldn't have the kids around .
So I was in LA working on this art journaling course and one of the exercises that Brinay Brown gave us to do was to walk around our home and I did this when I got back to New York walk around our home and take pictures of mundane , ordinary things that give you some sort of joy or pleasure or something , and it doesn't even have to be joy or pleasure ,
but just something Like sometimes you're just lucky that you have a roof over your head and we can sometimes , like we only stop to celebrate the big , wonderful moment and we take pictures of the big , wonderful moments , but we don't take pictures of the ordinary things , and so it was a great exercise for me .
it really made me appreciate myself as a mom and my home and my time with my children . For example , I would beat myself up mentally internally when I didn't clean up the holiday decorations .
I've had this discussion with a friend .
So I would feel like a loser , like what was wrong with me that I couldn't get rid of . So I had these Halloween decorations out after Thanksgiving . They were on the table and they were kind of cool Halloween decorations .
So , anyway , I decided to take a picture of it , because I looked at these Halloween decorations and I said how lucky am I that I have a home where I can and I have the luxury of money and time that I can set up some Halloween decorations for my kids to enjoy . How lucky am I .
So I took a picture of it and I created a collage of all the things that I did . So one of the things that it said the title was Halloween decorations after Thanksgiving . That was what I was thankful for . And then another one was like the coffee pot on my stove or the look of my cat looking up at me with big eyes because he was hungry .
And I just did all these things and it really made me appreciate my time as a mom , because it can be so stressful .
And then feel like you're not winning , but you are .
Look at all the things you get done in a day .
I know we are superheroes really when you think about it the amount of stuff . But we're just so hard on ourselves . We just we are , like you said , like sometimes even not just cleaning up like holiday stuff , but we look at our home at the end of the day we don't have energy left and we're like I need to clean this house because it's a disaster .
But sometimes we don't have to Right .
Well , here's the thing , here's what my therapist would say , and this is I love my therapist . I gave her acknowledgement at the end of the book . I love her so much . So she would say well , who told you ? Or what's that voice ? Where is that voice ? Who's the voice that told you you're not good enough ?
Who's the voice that said you're not lovable enough or pretty enough or smart enough , or all these things ? And then we deep dive into that and I know exactly who that , where that voice came from . And I'm still working through it .
But it helps me to heal and to get better and to stop beating myself up so much and to be easier on my kids , cause then I end up projecting my own fears , anxiety , onto my children and then I end up doing the very thing to them that I got done to me . That's kind of got me struggling as an adult , right .
So I think it's just really important to go inside and figure it out , and sometimes it's really scary and painful and a lot of times we don't go in that direction because of the anxiety and the pain , the fear of the pain .
But honestly , I just know personally that that's what's gonna set you free when you go through that hard time , that dark night of the soul , whatever it is , and you go towards the thing that scares you . That's where your best life is gonna be .
I love that , and you know what . You're right , though , about the past , I think for myself , becoming a mom , I was like I know the science of emotions . You know tantrums are , I'm fine with those , but I only realized after becoming a parent , and then I changed .
Everything about Kirsten Rahn was that I was focusing on the child and saying all we need to know is everything that child needs and will be good as parents , and I was so wrong .
What I needed to know is everything about myself , which I didn't , and I think that's the hardest part of becoming a parent is , you realize I was living life fine before this little human being came into my life , and now I'm seeing all these dark parts about me , or like these thoughts , and then I didn't have them before .
So , you know , and I had to dig back into my own past and then realize what I was taking into my parenting , from my childhood and what I didn't want . Did you have to do a bit of that ?
Like I think , of the relationship that you paint with your mom , you know , in this book , and she seemed like such a strong character to have and such a powerful and positive character like a person in your life . Is that what the story like ?
Is that , did I get the right picture of your mom and is this what you tried to bring into your parenting , or were there certain things you had to work through ?
Well , I mean there , here's the thing I realized all parents are human beings and when we're children , we put them on pedestals and we kind of make them like a God , god-like in some way , and hold them up to a standard that's really not attainable , and then they inevitably fall off the pedestal and disappoint us because they are human .
And so I have issues that I'm still struggling with around my mom , which obviously I won't go into detail about , but what I have been able to do is look at the good stuff that she's done as well and realized that how that actually did help me . And so I had the parents that I was supposed to have .
I have that faith like those were like the customized parents that Andrea needed for her journey in life . And then I'm the parent for my child and their father , what they need in life .
But what I will say is that I definitely have made some , made a lot of changes , like one thing is I apologize to my children when I know that I've crossed the boundary , I haven't done something , that I could have done better , and I think what ends up happening is in the older generations it was like you have to respect me , like the word respect is upheld
and then it's like it takes your voice away . You have no sense of autonomy yourself because you can't go against , because then you're being disrespectful . Now , of course , I'm a Latina mom , so I definitely will not tolerate it .
I know how to draw a boundary with my children , but I also believe that if my child tries to draw a boundary with me or is trying to speak up , and maybe I have truly crossed a boundary , like I want to lead by example and that's one thing I talk about in my book is that I wanna lead by example .
I want my children to see me striving to be my best self , whatever that is , and I can't say to my kids don't speak this way or don't say that or whatever , but then I go and do the same thing . So instead I want them to see me . I go to therapy . I talk about what I do in therapy . I say I'm meditating , now don't knock on the door .
Or they see me going to yoga class . I've taken both of my children on retreats . I told you about the . You saw the cold plunge in Instagram . They were with you . Only my son , just my son . I didn't post my son cause he's a teenager and he didn't want me to you know , all his friends follow me .
So it was just they're like , right , not so great for him , but but it's great that he came . I actually did that for him .
I did it for him because his father passed a year and a half ago and his father really loved Wim Hof and you know it's supposed to help you with depression and all kinds of things , and I know my son was doing it on his own , he was doing cold showers , he was doing Wim Hof breathing , and I wanted to find a way to connect to him and something that
connected him to his father to help him take care of himself . So this is like , again , leading through example for my children is don't say , okay , go talk to a therapist or go journal , Like you know . I'm like , oh no , I do it , I go to therapy , I journal , I do these things . Let's do this together .
I ended up taking my daughter to Kripalu up in the Berkshires , which is a spiritual retreat , and we did a whole thing , a three day weekend , you know , and it was . This was me trying to empower my kids to take care of themselves , to go within and take care of themselves . So I forget I can , as you see , I can talk a lot , which most of us .
I love it , but most of us didn't get that kind of thing , even if we had experienced trauma or you know something in our childhood from what I was raised . The way that I was raised was , you know , you kind of ignore it , and if the parent ignores it long enough , maybe it'll disappear , you know .
So I think I truly applaud you for what you're doing with your kids , because this is new . We never learned this . This is very different for us .
I will say kudos to my mom . I'm cutting you off for a second . Oh no , I'm kudos to my mom , as imperfect as she was , as imperfect as I am as a mother or a human being , but she apologized to me once and I could say my entire childhood .
My mother would have apologized and she would always have to be the person who was right , and this was like a big complaint that I had . But she apologized to me about the most important thing and that was about around my sexual abuse .
And she apologized to me for not protecting me and not being there for me when I needed her Huge I think I was 11 years old at that time Huge I've tried to share with her mom . You have no idea . I know you feel guilty about your parenting , as when I was growing up .
I know you've made mistakes , I know all that , but that apology was huge and so I do the same thing with my kids . I'm like you're right , I'm wrong . I should never have said that . I will blah , blah , blah . I will own up to things that I think are not right , and I think it's really important for them to see that .
And it allows somebody to kind of move forward right , like to move with the healing and whatever they have to do to do the work . It allows that person by just hearing . I'm sorry , that's huge . You mentioned boundaries and I think that's something also that we struggle with as parents and our generation as well .
I just turned 40 last week and I would say that about three years ago that's when I started working on boundaries and what that meant for me and how important that was for my mental health Did you experience the same thing ? You touched on boundaries ?
I mean , I wasn't allowed to have boundaries as a child and again , that's just what my mom knew and she would always say and the mom and the dad , you don't have a right to have any input in anything that we're doing . Yeah , did you experience this as well ?
Yeah , because I grew up around physical abuse and it was physical abuse towards my mom . I had to learn as a teenager and I touch on that as well in the book that I had to learn as a teenager to stand up for myself , basically , and I didn't want to continue the cycle that I had seen in my family . I didn't want to continue that and so .
But it got to the point where I had to sort of hit rock bottom and have a sort of wake up call and go oh , is this what I want for my life ? Is this so ? That was an example of a boundary setting . And then the other boundary setting was sticking up for myself when I was bullied , so all of those things .
So I grew up kind of tough , like not everybody grows up like that , but I'm glad that I was able to set those boundaries . But I still struggle with boundaries as an adult because of some of the trauma I've gone through and because of some of the dynamics between me and my mom . Sometimes I'm afraid to speak up .
Sometimes I'm afraid it was a huge deal for me to write a book at all , because it's like saying I have a voice , I have something to say and it's important . But then I would struggle and still struggle with the voice .
Well , even as I was writing the book , I would hear the voices say oh , no one's gonna be interested in what you're writing about , no one's gonna buy the book , no one's gonna like all these , like wonderful things . So harsh on myself .
That inner voice piece . I could only imagine how it must have been during writing the book , but having read it , the story can help people feel less alone because we have so many . So many of us go through something similar or can connect with parts of your story and I think it's really important to share your story .
I've been doing this type of therapy with my therapist , called the internal family system , and it's this concept that as children or even as adults , if we've gone through a very dramatic or traumatic experience , we end up having to , in order to survive , section off aspects of our personality in order to get through whatever we're going through .
So , for example , when I was getting bullied and then my boyfriend being abusive towards me at that age in my teens , there was a part that came in that said no , and it was like the sentry , the guard at the gate , like no , the protector , and so that part is still part of me , so part of as I grew up .
And then there's other parts , like everyone can relate to the inner child , everyone can relate to the ego , and so these parts that come into play , that where you ended the boundary setting is really like .
For me , the boundary setting I learned from this guard , but sometimes as an adult , that guard still comes into play and it could be a little over the top as an adult . Or there's the parts of me that wanna protect me from being shamed , from being embarrassed out in public no one's gonna believe that I can ride or all the insecurities I have around that .
That was me just a little , a young part of me trying to protect me let's not go there , that's dangerous , Don't go in that direction . And so through the therapy I learned I've learned about these different parts and it kind of helps me to pull back and get an aspect of it and say do I want the little eight-year-old Andrea driving the ship today ?
Do I want the 16-year-old Andrea driving the ship today ? Cause I know that through my therapy I've learned about these different parts of myself . So that's one of the ways I'm learning how to draw boundaries .
Yes , you . One part that marked me is when you talked about the moment when you were in the plane and you were flying to LA , for I believe it was I forget the name of it but when there's like this Hydro-Tracer . Yes , exactly .
And you talk about how it was the sleep of faith or that you , you , you know you went for it and at that time your husband had said , like , go for it , I've got this . You know , his father , I believe , had just passed theirs and it was his marriage .
Yeah , and it was a difficult moment and but there was this opportunity for you and you were able to take that opportunity and go for it , which ended up , you know , being a good thing , obviously .
But I'd love for you to share a bit of that and what was going through your mind , because I know that there are parents and moms that are listening that sometimes we're afraid to take that risk and to really go out of that comfort zone or to do something that might not necessarily be the best mom thing . Right ?
Like I think about myself too , I left to go to Miami for the first time I left my kids . In seven years I had never left them alone and I remember sitting on that plane and my thoughts weren't exactly like yours . They were more of like what am I doing ? Why am I doing this ? What's the point ? Why am I going to go pitch this thing that I'm doing ?
Like I should have just stayed home , what if something happens ? But your thoughts your from what I read in the book it was more of like this is good , it's a good thing , right ? Or like how was it for you in that experience ?
Well , so leading up to that day that I got onto that plane , there were 10 years before that where I held myself back from going to LA for pilot season because I was afraid that I wouldn't do well .
And actually , and maybe 15 years prior to that , I had gone to LA for the first time by myself to try and do pilot season and I was so lonely out there and it was so hard to get started . It was the beginning of my career , so it was really really hard to get started . It was very isolating in LA it can be so isolating .
So I came back kind of like feeling like I had failed , like I didn't do well , and actually my dad did kind of say , oh , you're back so early , like and kind of insinuated that I gave up or something . But that's a whole other story . So , but that added to my own insecurity , right .
So for 10 years I held myself back and would only do pilot season in New York , but I felt like I kept hitting a wall . Hitting a wall I wasn't , or a ceiling , like I wasn't getting it far enough in my career . I wasn't where I thought it would be at age I had my daughter at I was 35 . So , like by age 40 , I wasn't where I thought I would be .
So , through a series of different situations going on in my relationship and all this , I just decided I knew in my heart of hearts that I needed to go . I just needed to go to LA . I needed to break out of my comfort zone .
I knew that I was dancing the same dance step every time , so of course , I was going to continue to get the same results , and so it was 10 years of holding myself back . So , in answer to your question , I had a lot of regret during those 10 years , and holding yourself back in fear is a very uncomfortable feeling . It's a terrible feeling .
So for me , it was like I'm going to go , I'm going to go slay this dragon , because Even if I come back with nothing , I'm gonna know I at least face my fears and that would be , you know , a win for me , and so so , yeah , so it asks it's your question I dealt with a lot of guilt leaving my children .
I think my son was seven at the time and my daughter yeah , my daughter was 10 . And I took a lot of pride in being their mom and being there for them . I wanted to protect them .
Just like you say , I wanted to be the one to like really kind of guide them and do all the things , but I think it was really important for them to see me do something that I was scared to do , and then look at all the wonderful things that have come from it .
Thank goodness you took that risk and you went , and you know , I think to a lot of mom , I think about the moms that I speak with and I do think that we struggle , you know , with taking those risks Because , though that self-talk kind of takes control and is like , what are you doing ?
You need to be a mom first , or don't take this move in your career that might lead to you being homeless often , or , you know , we see ourselves as the mom first .
It's such a hard battle , but also , you know , and I think we're battling on on subconscious programming yes , we're battling programming that , as moms , we're supposed to be all sacrificing Like the Madonna or whatever . Yeah , like we're supposed to be so virginal on top of that .
I was like well , how does she get pregnant ? How ?
does she have all those kids ? Is she supposed to be virginal now ? I mean ? I even remember feeling like I couldn't take certain roles as an actress anymore Because I was a mom now , like you know . Sexy roles yeah , got it . Because , well , I'm a mom now . I'm like , wait a minute , where is the message coming from ? Right , yeah , mom , like you know .
So I think , like we're , we're we're battling with as females , there's subliminal expectations of us to be self-sacrificing and to be dedicated to our families , to our husbands and our children , and that's just what the definition of a good woman is , right , you know , and I don't think that's true .
We forget to love ourselves and we forget that the self-care part , or that piece of who we are today , is really about the love . It's not about the .
I always tell parents like of course it's good to get out and the spa day is great , but the self-care is really the work on yourself and how much you love yourself and that you feel worthy enough to love yourself and for others .
Yeah , exactly , it's a , it's a daily practice of loving yourself and what that looks like could be sleeping in an extra 15 minutes . You know the lack of sleep you get as a with young ones , but actually you still get a lack of sleep with I have teenagers , so that a lack of sleep by the way .
Really , really , no , no , I thought you were going to tell me and gets better . No , no , it gets better on some levels , but you know , like my daughter's 18 and she'll be out .
she's driving now and then she'll , and she was like come on , come home . I don't know what time . Oh no , you know what time .
Oh it's , my mom would wait up until I came home , so whatever my curfew was , she was always awake . I get it yeah .
So , but anyway , the , the subliminal programming that we we have going on in our , in our minds , and , and that's why I think , going inside , figuring things out , going to therapy , you know , journaling , all these things help you to kind of get become more aware . Get more online , Because when you know better , most likely you'll do better .
How would you I I unfortunately need to summarize and close off this conversation , but I've enjoyed every moment of of this conversation and thank you so much for chatting with me . But now I just need to summarize it for a parent who's listening to this and feels like , okay , you know , I think I learned a couple of things from this conversation .
But now how do we move , set them forward and say here's what you need to start doing tomorrow . That might lead to easier days , you know , following that in terms of , like you know , the self work as a parent , or yeah .
Well , I don't know if this is so directly tied to what you're asking , but this is one of the . There's a book out there that helped me so much in my career and in my life in general , and it's called the war of art , and it was . It's written by Steven Pressfield . It was originally .
He originally started to write the book for other writers because he realized all these struggles he would have to create art with . You know , he thought , oh , he kind of figured out , figured it out in a way , and he wanted to help other artists too . And so one of my acting teachers years ago recommended this book to me .
I got it and it made all the difference , and I honestly think that Jane the Virgin is one of the reasons why I mean , yeah , it came to fruition is because of this book , because it really it made me more conscious , it made me see what I was doing , and so what he realized as he was writing the book was , he says , oh , all of these blocks that we have
as writers actually apply to any human being on earth . Any human who wants to pursue a higher endeavor , including being an awesome freaking mom an awesome freaking mom has a certain amount of resistance and blocks that they need to get through and he , he gets into . It is such an easy read . You can read some . Some chapters are a paragraph .
It's so insightful , it's so . This is like golden nuggets of wisdom and I think that it will help anyone who is wanting to be better at whatever it is they want to do .
I love that . I haven't read that , but somebody told me about that book . I have to look into it . Wonderful , cannot tell you how wonderful we do have blocks . I think that we do no matter whether we're a parent or not , or in our careers you know , I see it now trying to run , even whether it's curious neuron or whatever I'm doing .
There's so many blocks that we encounter and and and even in our , you know , friendships and relationships . All of that comes into play . So I think that's really really good advice .
I need to read it yeah he talks about relationships and how other people can read our blocks and breaks it down . He braces down so wonderfully and so , even just to write , our otherness is our strength . That book helped me because I would remember things he said in the book and that's how it helped me to get through .
So , like one of the blocks , I would have , you know , getting past that voice of um , what am I going to write ? I can't write , I'm not a writer , you know . I promise myself . I said , oh , you know what ? I know that voice .
He talks about that voice in the book and I said , if I can circumvent that , if I just say I'm going to show up to my computer three or four days a week for five or 10 minutes , I won , I won . I don't have to do any much more than that , and then inevitably I'll of course spend a lot more time , but some more time writing than other days .
But I at least set myself up for a win , and I was going to end up beating myself up because I didn't write like pages and pages that day . I set myself up for a win , bypass that voice and said well , we could do five minutes . The voice can't have a problem with five minutes .
But that reminds me of the book called Atomic Habits . Have you read ?
that one . Oh yeah , oh yeah , I know that book too .
Yeah , what you're talking about reminds me of that , because it's like exercising or whatever habit you're trying to bring into your life , make it small . We keep telling ourselves like , oh , I want to work out , or I want to do something , and I'll work out two hours a day , you know , six days a week , but you can't do that .
I think it's just showing up on the mat right To start off with is a good start .
Yes , baby steps for sure . Yeah , I love that book , and so you know , really , I think it's just a matter of looking for help , whether it's in a book , a podcast , a movie , your therapist , your friends , it's looking for reaching out , for help .
Yeah , that community piece is another one too , friends , and I know that some moms don't have that , but there's always some way to find . You know , sometimes there's some mom groups online or some sort of way to connect because you feel less alone in those difficult moments .
Yeah , I still struggle with loneliness . Ever since COVID , I don't have an office to report to anymore , so like my office being like an audition , where it's an acting class , and like today I had an audition on Zoom On Zoom In my home . Yeah , I haven't done an in-person audition for years now , like three or four years . How ?
is it out of curiosity ? How does that feel ? You know , when it comes to meetings on Zoom , I don't find that we're as productive as when we're in person , like we try to like and creative . Does it feel the same for auditions ?
Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah yeah .
We'll get out of it at some point , but that's so hard . It is it ?
is . I get the like social aspect . It is hard . It can really get to you . You spend too much time alone .
Andrea , thank you for chatting with me . I everybody who's listening . I will put a links in the show notes to the book that you mentioned , but your book as well . The Our Otherness is Our Strength , and it truly is for you , and I appreciate that you shared your story with all of us .
Great Thank you . I appreciate you wanting to interview me , so thank you .
I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Andrea Navero . Please take a moment to click the link in the show notes if you'd like to purchase her book the Otherness is Our Strength , and don't forget to follow us on Instagram . Visit our website at curiousnironcom and please leave a review for the Cures Neuron podcast .
If you do , send me an email at info at curiousneuroncom and I will send you a free PDF called Meltdown Mountain for kids who struggle with big emotions , you can print it , put it on your wall . I did it with all three of my kids and it helped them control their emotions a lot more . Thank you for listening and for being part of this community .
I will see you next Monday . Bye , thank you .