Welcome to the recovered, attic podcast. Yes, we use the word recovered episode 1. We talked about that. So some of you are here and you're listening and I want to talk to our host, just sitting right over here. Nuda podcasting doing that's awesome dude. You've been doing like this. My first the last two, we hit it out of the park. So the third one today, of course, our ego wants to say, we did amazing. We did great thousands of
people. Listening to us, probably the best podcast and yeah, best ever, you know, Trump that seems like the best ever. He always puts his hands out like this and does not that we're political enemy. I always say, take the right, the left both wings and just throw the whole bird out. Yeah, exactly. Not affiliated with any political party and also, you know, recovered addict podcast, of course a little controversial but we're not affiliated with any specific, Recovery Group
either. Right. Yeah, 100%. We're here on our own trying to practice spiritual principles as well. Walking down the only road we've ever known like a Drifter. So, one of the things that I want to get into today, we got into the physical Dimension, the emotional Dimension, and I want to we're going to hit heavy. Yeah. On the spiritual Dimension just for the simple fact, is the spiritual Dimension is where it's at, you know, they're
speaking of songs. He was like nine, 80s, hip-hop, where it's at. I got two turntables and a microphone. But you know where it's at that 135? Yeah. At the big 50. But spiritual Dimension to us is the key to recovery. Absolutely. Absolutely. We're also still in our module 1, understanding addiction, and now approaching that from the spiritual Dimension. Mmm, what does that mean? How am I understanding addiction?
Without a clear? Understanding of the problem, I don't really have a clear Direction head in for a solution. It's important that we as recovered. Individuals. Practicing a spiritual lifestyle. Understand that I'm suffering from a spiritual malady. There's something inside me. That is sick.
Otherwise, why would I need this outside thing in order to be okay, why would I have this delusional seeking this selfish, self-centered, run you over attitude, to get whatever it is, I want in order to be okay, nobody seeks anything unless they believe the having of it is going to make Make them better, that's good. Yes. Why would I see? Kenny, I'm not I'm not intentionally trying to hurt myself. Most people aren't unless your little psychotic.
Yeah. And then this can happen in relationships where I need them, so that I can feel better. Absolutely. Yeah. I can be addicted to relationships. That can be addicted to constantly having someone around. Absolutely, yeah, addicted to work. I have that. Yeah. Yeah. Same same with me. I think, I think the entrepreneurial part lends itself to addiction.
Yeah. What through whole podcast on that because I think I think that desire for and you had talked about it. Last one was so good and help me out. Was that desire for more and more and more. Well that can be a good thing and it can be a bad thing for more. And more donuts for me are more and more and more proving that I'm good enough. You know, all of that's the same. You know, that mechanism in my brain, it's all the same. It's all just gas. Go do this, this is good for you.
Jason, where it's my ego talking and it's not good, you know, you're better than everybody. ADI else, you work harder? Yeah, you know, that app, that's when the ego can mask itself and I look pretty because I'm, I have entrepreneurial Spirit. Oh yeah, I'm running three businesses. I'm running for businesses, but I'm killing myself. I don't sleep my hair's falling out. Yes, I have stress. Well, it's not those stress. I mean, you're in the fitness industry.
It's like those, you know, and your body builder and all that stuff. So it, you know, you have the 1% body type thing. But when you go on Instagram and you look at these fitness models, They test them, they are, you know, reluctantly done, blood tests and stuff like that. And they find that inside a lot of shit is going on. That's bad. You know what I mean? Like it's super high cholesterol, super high blood pressure, they may be taking illegal substances to get there,
you know? Absolutely. You know perform at Auntie drugs, all these different things so outside looks amazing. Like your every picture on Instagram but then you see, you know, Several months later, you see a thing of them in the hospital, you know, at 27 years old, having a heart attack, you know? So that's the thing that you have to look at. It's like the ego wants the Instagram look, you know, but inside that's what you really got to deal with. And that's what we're talking about today.
My spiritual approach to navigating the world if I'm hurting spiritually and I'm unaware of it, it's easy to have misguided Direction. Added ideas of what's going to help because if I don't know any better, this bottle this alcohol. Oh, this makes me feel better. This must be, this must be the direction I had him if I don't know any better. Oh, this sex. This relationship. This makes me feel better.
I have to have that in order to be okay and enough of that, unconscious behavior Can rewire my neocortex, the chemicals produced in my brain. To be a normal part of life. That's just the way I am conditions. That's just how I'm going to go through the world. I need this outside thing. In order to be okay, very dangerous with the Instagram, very dangerous. With the comparing constantly comparing my insides to somebody
else's outsides. Yeah, they look so much better than me. I feel horrible how I look and people starve themselves or like you were talking about taking taking whatever. Medication or supplement they have to take start. Yeah, the starving themselves is the big deal about the fitness models. And yeah, they and they don't realize that that picture was done pre-contest but they normally don't walk around knowing know. I've been able to and I'm
grateful. I had this experience but I've been on, I've competed in seven different competitive bodybuilding shows. And when you take that level of Fitness, we successfully, We take Health to an unhealthy extreme. Yes, it's like, I've got two speeds, I'm all or nothing. That's the way I drank. That's why I'm going to be when I drive super healthy. But really, super unhealthy really, it could be kind of an
addictive. It appeals to people who have addictive personality because all it takes is everything you got. I'm going to dedicate everything. I have to be looking at particular way. So City getting blackout drunk. I'm gonna go to the gym. Three times a day correct. Correct. I'm going to burn my muscle tissue. I'm working out so much and you know that's a that's a subculture and itself, bodybuilding is a wild world. I was in that world for a lot of
years now. I own my own personal training business and I'm honored to take my clients, you're one of them. Yes. Through their own journey of health and wellness. And you know what, you know, we'd like to join. Peterson likes to talk about Order and Chaos. A lot, it's the oldest oldest, taoism type of one of the oldest teachings there. It is and you have the yin-yang to order and chaos and too much order. And I'm 3% body fat on stage looking lean and you look that way.
One day year, but I'm ready to faint right? Ready to fall over my body is so depleted and too much chaos. I'm 400 pounds overweight. I don't even get off the couch really, I can't even move my own body's too much chaos. I have Road Direction. I don't know how to treat my metabolism. I don't know how to treat my organs. I don't know how to take care of myself. So too much order and too much chaos, both of those things are not good for us, right?
The proper place for us is that thin line that dancing that line in the middle of that yin-yang where it's malleable, it changes, we need order, we need chaos. We can't have too much of either one so helping clients find their own spiritual journey, their own fitness journey with the with a fitness program is a joy for me. Well, you know when it when it comes to addiction as it is with
anything. And that physical Dimension that we talked about and then the emotional Dimension, the spiritual Dimension. And we say this in our module, from a spiritual perspective, addiction can be seen as a misguided search for wholeness or piece. That's inspiring. I love the Greek etymology of perfection because you get, you know, that's again to the bodybuilding reference. You want to look perfect on stage Or whatever. Whatever the reference.
Maybe I would have a perfect relationship, right? Then I'll be okay. I want to have a perfect bank account, then I'll be good. And the Greek etymology of the word, perfect is whole never meant without blemish and never let sparkling Sterling. So beautiful right Perfection just meant whole if I'm coming from the spiritual Dimension and you know, we're this is going to be a Podcast. We're going to talk a lot of spiritual principles.
I believe, strongly, I am not going to recover from any addiction without a spiritual solution. Yes, 100%. I don't have a spiritual solution. There's no chance for Recovery. There's none because you can't white-knuckle something. You can't will something into existence without understanding deeply what's going on and it's it's to know thyself.
Mmm, very good. You know what I mean, at that was, put up all over, you know, the Grease and stuff like that, know, thyself, thy self, you know, that's the whole desire, you know, mentally physically and emotionally and spiritually, know thyself and you see, you can't heal until, you know
yourself, very good, very good. So, if I know myself, if I know that my identity is grounded in spiritual Dimension, I mean, God, conscious a present being from that space, I can be whole That part of me is infinite that part of me is Connected To Source, that part of me is not subject to life or death. It's not subject to time. It's whole, it's already perfect. Eckhart Tolle likes to say, be what you already are. Mmm, that's so good.
You know, the whole? Yeah well so if I'm In a conditioned pattern, we were just talking about this at the gym, a destructive Loop of disillusionment. A constructive destructive Loop of dishonesty of seeking outside things. In order to make me, okay, I'm not aware that I'm whole, I'm definitely not being what I already am. Yes, be what you already are. You already are whole because you already have connection to Source. Yeah, that's so good.
You don't I have $35 years of conditioning, right? Worry about this money. Or I have whatever 20 years of conditioning drinking, this substance makes you feel better. I'm just going to do what I know works. So we're very interested in Shifting. The Paradigm here, we're very interested in getting to a place of complete willingness to do something different.
And unfortunately I have to really go down the rabbit hole with this misguided search in order to reach a bottom, you know, recovery program say all the time the sufferer must hit
rock bottom. Yeah we and I like the word misguided misguided search because it lends to, you know, I always like to look at Us as being on a hero's journey, but you know, and so you can go past that all movies are made off that, you know, Star Wars is built off all that and you could go and I think Campbell was a guy's last name that made the hero's journey. You can go and read all of that and understand it. But there's always this part of the hero having to meet the teacher.
And the teacher, we always think of it being some wise Guru, you know, somebody that is you know all knowing and you're going to be like swept away and they're going to give you all the keys to life in a bullet point format and you're going to be changed forever. Yeah. But the teacher on the journey is constant and you don't know your mom, maybe the teacher. Hmm, you know what I mean?
Your dad and you see the things that your addiction is related to the the things that you haven't dealt with with your relationship, with your parents, you know?
And so your parents become a teacher because that shows itself because what you've been doing on this misguided search for wholeness or peace, what you've been doing is not and we'll get into upper limits and stuff like that but because of them I'm this You know, because if they were okay, if my parents were okay and they didn't raise me this way, then I would be fine. I wouldn't be an alcoholic, or I wouldn't be a drug addict or I wouldn't be 400 pounds.
Yeah, you know, whatever your diction is - food guys. Just so, you know, probably more on the I wouldn't say, sexual per se because I'm not like a sex addict or something, but it's more like seeking wholeness in relationships, you know? And then like bouncing from relationship to relationship and then obviously like, Two year, I get the two year mark after two years. It's all blown up. While I blow it up like that because it's just too good.
You know, I just can't have that much peace and wholeness in my life. I gotta, I gotta have the chaos upper limit problem. Yeah, it's upper limit but I want to get to this because you were talking about this the other day, this whole idea of the hero's journey and then the options that you have when you, when you have a teaching moment and you slay the dragon. Hmm. I think this is really, really good. At this moment because the teacher is your so-called
suffering? The teacher is your addiction. Yeah, if that makes sense. Absolutely. So you have to on the hero's journey, you have to go and not only be taught by that addiction but you have to go over come that you know you have all the tools we always say you have all the tools in the power in you but when you're going to that when you're going to that whatever type of dragging, it may be in your life. What are the choices that you
have? Because I think this will get it was it, Jordan Pederson. Again that was talking about. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and share. This is your appearance ends analogy of, you know the hero, the Hero Journey and you know it's important to say first that I have hit a bottom. Hmm I guess had a lot of teaching from my suffering because my selfish destructive behavior is causing a lot of I'm getting a lot of consequences now. Yeah. Like initially was fun. Yes. I don't need a hero's journey.
When I'm just having a good time I'm seeking a hero's journey and my life needs to change. I was presented with the opportunity of recover, our die. Hmm. If you go down this path that's death. I got very close to experiencing that I got as close to experiencing death from my destructive addiction. As I ever want to get That presented me with willingness or a bottom to try and do something different.
You know, what? In Jordan Peterson's, analogy of the hero's journey is there's two types of heroes in the world. First type of hero is the type of hero that goes out into the Wilderness. Confronts, the dragon slays, the dragon, and then comes back and shares the spoils with the community. Yes. And in our addiction that dragon is Diction that dragon that Wilderness that chaos, that, that the Dark Knight. You know, that's, that's our teacher. That's the dragon.
I had to be willing to go into the Wilderness, confront the term, the destructive Dragon, we slay. The destructive dragon by shining laser point Awareness, on the things that are kicking my ass. Yes, being willing to do something different. And start heading in that direction. And now we're presented with a beautiful opportunity to. Now, share those gifts with the rest of the community.
The second type of hero is the type of person that confronts the tyrannical structure, the controlling leadership. This would be pharaoh and Moses comes in to free his people that type of hero rips down. The tyrannical structure. And is prepared to rebuild it. This is me and the structure of my mind right conditioned, thinking I need that outside thing in order to be okay. In me, it's 35 years old, if we're going spiritual Dimension, it's much older than that.
I'm carrying generational, and says, astral wounds hurts, whatever it may be, right, Which allows me to be the victim of generational wounds hurts unconsciousness. And then, I can just perpetuate the unconsciousness, and try and check out because this is too difficult to feel.
I want to feel something else. So confronting the tyrannical, structure of my condition mind, my fear, my worried, my anger, tearing that structure to the ground and being prepared to rebuild it with spiritual principles. Spiritual affirmations prayers, meditations. This is the hero's journey. The best type of hero does both those things. Yes. Best type of hero slays the dragon, right? And tears down the tyrannical structure. Yeah, of the mind because the mind is the illusion.
Yeah, you believing in your emotion. You believing in those thoughts. They do and then allowing them to control you to the point of, you know, because your mind your mind only knows the programming of, you know, for me 50 years. So that's it from and we're even talking about Like in the womb, the things that your mom was saying, your dad, you catch all that stuff. So, these Loops these thought patterns Loops begin to form and the next thing you know, you're
just running off this program. Jason Rigby's programs. Pretty simple. What am I afraid of today? How can fear manifests itself? Oh, I need to get really angry at this person because I'm kind of fearful that they're going to take my job. Yeah. Are, you know, I need to get angry at this because I'm fearful that I'm going to lose my relationship. You know the cool part about it is my fear.
Is it always comes true. When I really delve deep into it, that's because you're a powerful manifest. Yeah, I'm a Creator. You know, it's amazing. It's powerful. Our job in rebuilding that structure is now what do I want to manifest? Do I want to be the victim? Of my life or do I want to be the creator of my life and I want to get into because I think this is really important what you talked about and this misguided search for wholeness or peace. This part is really really
important. It's like what is wholeness and peace look like for me. Hmm. And can I define that with clarity You know, and I think there's a lot of fog and you've mentioned this where you're kind of just walking around in the fog. There's a lot of fog that's going on. With understanding what wholeness and peace looks like for me, you know? I know I'm an addict. Yeah, I get that. Yes I know I have a problem with this this or this but I'm in this Falk like wholeness and
peace. I don't even know what that my life is so chaotic I'm just living from moment to moment. Try not to drink. Try not to do drugs. I have no I don't even have a concept of what wholeness or piece looks like how can someone begin to establish that are began to shift? If their thought process and go towards that Clarity. Yeah, that's an excellent question. That's what we want to dress in in our modules as we go through the process here. Like what is, what is wholeness and peace?
Look like to you. Well, understanding understanding that whole means Without void without lack, right? I don't need a particular thing in order to be okay. I already am. Okay? The whole idea of be what you already are and then piece. This piece is so elusive. His like Serenity. I don't know what the heck Serenity means. What does that mean? That means inner peace. That means on the inside. I'm perfect the way I am and nothing external is gonna screw
with that. No, no. I when we talked about this last last class, you know, last podcast, if I, if I can be independent from my outside circumstances, I'm mastering my environment. If I master in my environment, I have emotional intelligence, emotional challenges is the same as Serenity is the same as inner peace. However, for a person who is conditioned to live in chaos, who is walking through the fog that inner peace is going to feel really weird.
Oh, yeah, Enterprise. And what the heck is this? There's nothing. There's no fire. I need to put out. There is nothing. This is nothing. Crazy going. Going on right now. That's going to feel weird at first. Like I caught my boyfriend cheating. So now I normally go do drugs or drink bottle. Yes. And then cheap back and then cheap a yeah, whatever. So so now I'm in like a halfway decent relationship. Mmm, what do I do now? Yes, it's going to feel really
weird. Yes, it's a great opportunity for an upper limit to sneak in upper limit problem. I don't up and ulp. Ulp is what I experienced this is from gay Hendrix and one of his books, the big leap and I don't know how to experience this much. Love abundance and success. My conditioning does not allow me to experience this. Much love abundance and success. What can I do? Unconsciously the drop myself back down to my normal state of existence, my normal pain and
suffering, the Comfort level. Yes, I'm comfortable with this, much pain and suffering, right? I have 35 years of it, right? All right. No. So that's the rebuilding of the structure of my mind. I like to think of it like for me, it's this way because we battle this every summer and being like money, comes money, worrying, all the time. So the thermostat that I have
out here, right? So I would like it to be at 71 72, it'd be great, but because I'm trying to save money with the air conditioning, we live in Albuquerque so it can get 90s and high 90s and 80s. I'll put it to 76. Now 76, I'm calm, I'm not very comfortable, but I know I'm saving money. Yeah. You know what I mean, 74. I'll compromise and do 74, you know, just to make sure that I'm, you know, at that level but 76 is like, I'm uncomfortably comfortable.
So this range from 72 to 76, you know, 72 is making me worried, I'm feeling good but it make it, I'm worried constantly. Yeah, so it's kind of an Inky hindrance. But this is like a thermostat. Yeah. And so when things go so well and so good like you get a promotion at work? Oh, I need to cheat on my wife. I've got I need to go. Yes, I'll go. Bitch, I've gotten past that thermostat setting. Yes, yes. I don't know how to handle this.
Much love abundance and success. I don't know how to handle inner peace, right. How do I handle Inner Peace. So it's so, to getting back to your question about defining wholeness to finding inner peace. Both of those were tiptoeing in the same in the same. Language here it. Perfect. The way I am. I'm complete the way I am. I'm there's not a void. I'm not in lack. I don't need to seek something right now. I'm whole. I have peace.
Both those things kind of walk hand in hand as you have those things you are, you are all the time, completely whole and completely piece and we're blowing people's minds right now because they don't understand that.
No, not make zero sense, right? That's why we're interested in tearing down the old structure of my mind that says, I'm not Hmm. You know what, in our in our teaching, in our, in our a lot of the teachings that have been exposed to, we always talk about sex status and security. Oh, I like this. Yeah, so sextus arrius. I have a Miss. Well, let's remember here, I have a misguided search for wholeness and peace in my addiction, so I need to go to security.
Yes. So security always transfers for us into money. If I have the right money, then I'll be okay, that outside thing is going to make me. Okay, so I'm chasing that sex If I had the right relationship, if I have enough of the right type, if it's if it's more, I'm getting more. And if I want this person, I can conquer them. They want me back. Yeah, I need them to want me back. Exactly. Exactly.
Then I'll be okay. Hmm, status status is very, we like to correlate status with Prestige Prestige is dangerous for addicts because it serves the ego. Hmm. To if it's taken to an extreme Prestige is I want to be viewed as a leader. Look at me, I actually know best. The rest of you should follow me. Look at my title, look at this all the time created so that's status. Mmm problems. I'm sex status and security. Usually, I mean, those are,
those are like big categories. Those are, those are no. I like those categories but that's a understanding of what I'm willing to Chase and seek in order to be okay if I'm behaving in the delusion of my addiction, a we need to wake up to the delusion right? Be I want to I need to be willing to seek a different type of life. see, I need to have the realization that I have a god-sized hole in the middle of me. From my destructive, addiction behavior that has been going on for years.
And I'm using this sex status and security to try and fill this hole up. Yeah. And because it's not god-sized, it doesn't work. I don't feel whole and I don't feel peace. No, I mean, we have people who are listening the pockets right now that maybe multi-millionaires, maybe have you know, everything, the nice house, a nice car.
Yeah, and they're looking at it, they're looking at it and I just kind of I've done that the first, you know, I went from homeless to being successful and like my first the first salary I got where it was like six figures years. And years ago it was like six figures and I was like, holy smokes I broke into like the 100,000 Mark you know? And I was like wow this is amazing and then I started getting these big paychecks and then I was like, I don't, I can't spend this much money, you know?
I mean I could I mean I could be stupid but I'm not stupid enough to go to. I'm not going to go the Louis Vuitton store, you know, and pull my whole paycheck, you know, that type of thing. And so I was like, well what can I do with my money? Like you're on making like money and at the time that was a lot of money to me being homeless
and then go into that. It's a lot of money that's average wage probably for a lot of people but I was like, I don't know what to do and then I started making more of those paychecks and then my income began to grow and then I was like, this didn't make me feel better. Mmm, Yeah, Yeah. Seeking the thing. Yeah. I thought it would make me feel. I thought money would make me feel better, it's gonna fill up this god-sized hole in the middle, right?
And then I'll be okay. I had the relationship, right? I'll kill myself slaving three different jobs for different jobs, making more money than I ever made in my work, in my life and I'm still uncomfortable on the inside. When am I willing to prioritize being whole? When am I willing to prioritize having peace? Am I making inner peace of priority in my life? If so, what does that look like? Yeah, that's the hard part. It doesn't look like me chasing three different women.
No, then I'll be fine. It doesn't look like me slaving for different jobs because then I'll be okay because I got the thing. I got the for jobs, I still wasn't okay. so, an understanding of I will not be whole, I will not have inner peace from the world of form. The world of form is not going to give that to me. We're talking about here is the world of spirit, here we go.
The only thing that's going to be able to feel that spiritual void, I need to stop looking for outside things to make me okay on the inside. So whenever we look at this because the next part is it's a seeking of external solution. To internal painter emptiness. So there's no such thing as an
external solution. The wording is, we need to you're looking, that's a facade, it's but I want to get into combining this wholeness or peace with the seeking of external Solutions because I have this emptiness and it may not be paying per se. Some people may have a deep pain, they use a bottle or drugs or whatever, maybe they were, you know, you know God forbid maybe they had something super rific happened to them you know as a teenager or something like
that you have a lot of A lot of trauma, you know, whether it's child abuse or, you know, being you know, raped or something like that, super horrific. And so that's pain that you're carrying around. I get that part, you know, as far as understanding that deep pain and so you want to clear that pain with alcohol drugs. You know, food, whatever it may be. Yeah, but the emptiness that's the part that gets me is like because I always battled depression and I know my depression is self pity.
No. But that creates my depression creates emptiness, you know, like this empty feeling where I was like, oh I did get a big paycheck, but I don't feel anything. Am I supposed to feel something? Or I'm at like one of my kids birthday party and I'm like everybody's happy and laughing and I'm just sitting there like this is my kid's birthday party. Why am I not feeling any emotion? Like towards I should feel like happy and want to go cut the cake instead.
I just want to sit here and hold a beer, you know and just kind of watch everybody, you know and I don't you know there's like emptiness feeling. I think a lot of people are at that empty stage and it's an excellent, it's an explanation of not just seeking external Solutions, but it's an explanation of not understanding who you truly are, and I want to get into this. And I want you to kind of talk about this. A little bit, is the understanding of the spirit, the higher self.
The god in you, maybe you can approach it in a way, kind of in a practical way. We're somebody could understand who they really are. Like you, are you all right? I love it now. Yes, now we're discussing my identity. Yes, yes, yes, very easy to identify with the world of form, very easy to identify with my paycheck. I got the six-figure paycheck, that's who I am. Look at me, that's Prestige, very easy to identify with my relationship. Hmm. Look how gorgeous she is.
Look at, who's on my arm, what type of man do I have to be? If she's on my arm, yes, very easy to identify relationship, very, very easy to, to identify in the Old of form. And if I'm lost in addiction and simultaneously trying to identify with the world of form, usually, the world of form is running away from me because I'm behaving in such a selfish destructive way. I'm losing the jobs.
So if my identity is my job and I lost the job, who am I If my identity identity is my relationship and I lost the relationship. Who Am I? Who am I? Am I nobody should I kill myself? That's where I went. You know, I went thoughts of suicide because I lost the relationship. That was my identity. That's who I was. That's still delusional. If my identity is based in transient things, I'm headed for trouble. The world of form is extremely transient. Everything fluctuates jobs.
Come and go relationships, come and go. None of that is going to be forever. It's the destiny of all form to eventually, go away all for. So what do we have left vertical Dimension? World of spirit Consciousness presence. God Soul. Love eternity. We use many terms because any one term limits it. You remember from last one last class? if my identity is grounded in my consciousness, That's not going anywhere. Yes, that's good. That's not going anywhere. Rose things.
Those Eternal part that Eternal part of me that is formless. Is not transient that with me forever. So if my identity is grounded in something that is forever, then I'm On Solid Ground, then I can build from there and I can start to honor the world of form. It's important to have jobs, it's important to have relationships.
It's important to be able to provide for my family, but if those things are who I am, I'm really in a lot of trouble when they start to change and shift and mold my kids today are 10, 6 and 2. They are not going to need me in 10 years, the same way they need me now, right? So my role as father, if that's my identity I'm in a lot of trouble as soon as they don't need me. I'm not gonna have more kids. I'm about to lose myself and I don't want to have more kids. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I also don't want to be dependent upon them in order to be okay. That's the real issue I think. Good. I think it's a really good explanation. Now for me in this is a personal belief, you know, for me it's and I'm we're going to get real scorcher but it's higher self. So you know what? I once made sense to me is looking at whether you want to call it, reincarnation or whatever it is.
And maybe there's people that don't believe that on here, but I've had millions of meat suits and I'm evolving to my higher self. But my higher self is in a whole different dimension. That is can does not bound by time. I'm conscious, whatever you want to call it. And it's kind of lovingly or
God, you could look. You could say, it's God is lovingly looking at me almost and I like to picture him laughing at me, you know, with my struggles, because here's this guy men's, men's years ahead or girl or whatever, imagine I've had lots of different genders, you know, going through my all my different meat suits.
But, and then looking and saying really, you think this is such a hard struggle, you know, you know, a million meat suits ago, you were in prison, you know, you got your head chopped off, you know, Like, who knows what? Yeah, you know, so it puts it into perspective and I like to look to my higher self for me because now I now it's not such a big deal. It's not just 50 years of programming.
This is something that I've been experiencing and working through an evolving to a higher Consciousness, slowly over millions of years, if that makes sense. So for me and it's just another way. However, people want to believe it, we can do the Christian way, you know, where you have a holy spirit that lives in you, hmm. You know, so whether you accept Jesus or, you know, God or whatever it is, and then that allows Holy Spirit to live in you and then you are not your old self anymore.
You know, you are a new creature, born through Christ, you know, so Christ Consciousness, we could get into that. So you know, the Holy Spirit, then you look to the holy spirit to guide and direct you, you know, in the things that you want to do to me, that's the same as the higher self are looking to God, that higher person, you are not join. The bottle in his hand. As you are not. Dwayne blackout drunk with throw up on the side. Are you in the hospital?
And we'll get into those stories. Some point, you are not. Any of those things has nothing to do with me, has nothing to do with my identity, right? Those are things that happen to me as a result of my destructive behavior, my destructive addiction. But yeah that God Consciousness that the Holy Spirit the indwelling, I love it, that is what helps me rebuild the structure of mine. My mind, how many millions of times did I have the thought the condition thought?
I need that to be okay. Oh worry worry worry about this worry about this. It's millions of times that my broad word Millions has fired these neurological wirings. So we have to recondition the brain with neural plasticity in the brain can change grow and evolve. This is, this is just late 80s, you know, up until the late 80s science told us. Don't drink the tequila if you kill your brain cells, you'll never get them back and sign. I found out that that's not true, right?
Scientists that are not interested in Spiritual Development, they found out. No, you can have you can create wire, you can create new neurological Pathways called neuroplasticity takes place. In the neocortex, the new brain, and repetition makes that possible. How many millions of times did I have the worrisome thought? Well, it's like, I've told you and we talked about this funny. You're all new sales get created like seven years.
Maybe seven years. Yeah, your entire body is almost two new people before your body doesn't know alcohol. Correct? At seven years sober twice. Now your body doesn't know alcohol. Not a single cell in this body has experienced a drug or alcohol or yeah. So, think about that. At like it's so cool. It's like a new lease on life. Exactly. You know like it and so you say seven years sober your it's just your programming in your mind, that saying that you want that drug, you know what I mean?
Because nowhere in your body, is there any drug? Because our life and because my inner peace depend on me changing, I'm willing to head down that path. Yes I'm willing to find a new way of living. I have to find a way to live without my whatever desired substance is. At first initially, we do it because our life depends on it. If I don't change, I'm going to crash and burn. So defining the word Addiction to me. I don't know like what our
material says. It's an addiction can lead to a disconnection from ones true self and higher power. Hmm addiction can lead to a disconnection, I'd love that word. So let's Define addiction and kisses. Your first time somebody listening to this podcast, it's anything that takes you away from. I like to say it's anything. It takes me away from my herself. It seemed that takes me away from God. It's a then takes me away from Source.
Yeah, and if I, if I have a pattern of that Then that is an addiction. If and my ego wants to take hold of that pattern and then run it Loops in my head and calls me to my Egos and fight with my higher self. Kind of, there's like this little, you know, that you remember the old cartoons Porky the Pig. Some of you may not remember this, but there was like this devil and angel, the devil and the angel, and they're like little pigs and they would tell them to do this or tell him to
do this. So I kind of look at my like my ego and herself that way. You know, which is not necessarily bad and good, you know, because it was so as above so below. But it's so funny whenever you look at things that are taking you away from God, And then I'm doing these things constantly. Well I have an addiction, the dependence of yes this action, the dependence of this substance. Yeah I have to do this in order
to be okay. I need to get approval from women so that they like me so that I feel good about myself. It's a very I'm manipulating common addiction. Yeah. I'm manipulating Women to get all your awesome. That's all I want to hear. I'm just addicted to the approval. The approval. Yes. There we go. Yes. And it looks best when it's pretty when it comes from someone gorgeous, or someone that I admire. Yeah, just I'm just looking for the approval.
I don't have self-worth. The addiction the delusion is I don't have self-worth unless I get her attention. Yeah. And I didn't realize this pretty heavily. I mean this was recent and I've talked to you about this because we share all we share all our drama and problems. To each other. But that we had some today that we talked about. So it's this is continual, but it's so funny because you don't
realize you have this until you. I had somebody that I respected and they told me, they told another person that person told me about my work and how bad my work is, in their opinion, that tore me up for a week zala. I didn't sleep for like two days because this person I had respected, they didn't see my value in. What I Gave you know. So they thought I was like an amateur when I consider myself an expert in my work. So I really had valued that
opinion of that person. You see the external solution to my internal pain or emptiness, wasn't there? Yes. You see what I mean? Get the approval. No, I did. I needed the approval to feel good. I want everyone to like me and then I don't know how to handle the feeling of pain or emptiness. Yes, it was the approval that got rid of the pain and empty. Yes, that's what I'm addicted to. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Anything that I'm doing unconsciously in order to make
me feel okay because we need. To understand this. So basically what we're saying is everybody has an addiction yeah that's why the podcast God willing can be of service to so many. Yes it's not just alcoholism, it's not just sex, not just gambling. It's my unconscious conditioned Behavior to be separate from. Yes, I'm not Connected To Source. I'm connected to Ego in that moment which makes me separate from source and usually I'm blind in that behavior.
I need that thing and I'll run you over to get it. Yeah, I'm not much but it's all I think about. I love that quote, bro. We gotta get it Birch. We gotta get like recover data quicker that on there, only 60,000 times a day, separate, separate, separate separate. And, and my problem is the most important thing in the universe in the universe. Yes, you vast Universe. Yeah. Planets are Being read as we speak and creating new galaxies. But no, no, that's not
important. What's important is that this person said some bad things about me to another person and it destroyed me and that was nine months ago, ten months ago. And I remember that that person was a teacher and a catalyst for me to buckle down and say, what do I need to learn from this? Absolutely. And we talked about it, you know, 10, 15 times, you know, going over over and over again. Then why am I seeking approval externally? And I think that was so important what you said.
And it says this addiction can lead to addiction action from ones true self in higher power, whatever that may mean to the individual resulting in spiritual void and suffering, so talk about spiritual void and suffering. With enough destructive Behavior enough attack attachment to the world of form enough action from my ego. I'm not touching spirit at all. So, the spiritual void. I'm not. I'm not relying upon Spirit, I'm not relying upon higher self. I'm relying Upon A Bottle to
make me feel different. I know that that liquid will work enough of that behavior. Becomes my almond only normal way of living and yes I don't know any other way to get through the day. I don't know any other way to get approval, I'm going to manipulate. So the spiritual void is I've lived long so long in this unconscious destructive pattern. I don't know any other way to
live. And then as a result of a the destructive behavior that creates suffering, some of the some of my favorite literature says we step on WE step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate, I'm behaving in a selfish way and what do you expect? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know any other way to live. I'm gonna ask selfish to another selfish being. Yeah, somebody else is in their ego and I'm going to be big time in my ego and it's not going to be okay, but I want them to be okay.
But Then they retaliate, of course, the world around me. Yes, starts coming at me. You're not acting normal. And Wayne it creates suffering my selfishness, my delusion, I cannot see. Wait, wait, wait, you have human feelings too? No, no. You couldn't possibly have human emotions?
Well, my more important. The only one that has options and I have to get my Hmm. So if that doesn't happen, I take steps to make it happen and then that pushes the world around me away that disconnect from the world that disconnect from source that disconnect from, you know, reality that causes suffering. Yeah. And this and and I like the Buddhist way of suffering. You know. Understand Eckhart Tolle talks
about this too is suffering. He's just not being in the present moment, love it. It's so simple. Yeah. Yeah, so when I'm like in the future thinking or in the past thinking when I'm suffering and I guess that makes four that's I'm like a big monkey so that helps my brain. Keep it simple. Yeah, it's keep it simple. It's like, why are you feeling self-pity and depression right now? Jason is because you feel like you're suffering now. Your separate. What are you dwelling on?
Oh, I'm doing on this past event to happen. I even when we were just talking about the guy that I respected that said, something bad about me, I even started to get an emotion for that of Course. Yeah, you had to trigger an energetic, response was a small motion, you know, and I can catch it and know what, you know that my values, not buy them or
whatever, you know. Yes. Because you have a spiritual practice but it's so funny even now, a little tweak of that emotion just started to, you know, that little light of that of my ego just started to kind of Pier itself through just by me talking about it. Yeah, of course, the ego. Can only exist in the mind.
So, of course, I want to go. I have conditioned Behavior to go into my mind and be in the past and being resentment or be in the future and be in fear, the ego loves it, the Mind loves it because that's the only place the ego can exist. You caught it just now within the, within the 45 seconds. We've been talking about this. I'm able to spot the thought. Know that that's not real. That's not who I am.
It's just a thought. And then turn towards spiritual solution which is Omni. We're space for that. Thought we were just talking about this in the gym. This is a helpful tool that I use when I'm present enough to use it. That helps pull me back off the ledge. And there are two, there are three levels to every scenario level. Number one is the situation. The situation is this individual
slandered me behind my back. Level number two is my energetic response to the situation, anger, resentment fear. Betrayal, the fear, the fear of not being good at fear of, not being good enough. That's yeah, little, that's excellent and more specific. So that's level number one, the situation level. Number two is my energetic response to the situation. That's as far as most human beings ever get, especially if I'm in a delusional addiction.
Of course, I'm not going to take responsibility and look any further than that. Now, what's level number three? Level number three is We like to do big breath. Be aware space for both those levels. I'm the awareness that gets to see the anger, observe the anger. I'm the awareness that gets to observe the situation of the nerve the station basement. Pulling yourself. Back in that moment if I can separate from those two levels, that's Freedom, Mmm.
Yeah. Identity is not wrapped up in the situation of this person slandering me, my identity is not wrapped up in my Ocean of anger. It's not who I am. I am the you wear space, or both those things that's Freedom, that's foundational, freedom. I can build on Bedrock if I'm coming from the source. So this is very, very practical in this going to help a lot of people. So I want people to understand this so you're in level 1 level 2 that's where people exist.
Most people exist? That's all that's, yeah, that's the ego. The world is real. Most people don't know they're not. Two thoughts. Yeah. That that's thinking we're very interested in going Way Beyond the thinking mind. So level 1 level 2. I got the emotional response and what we'll just play with my thing. Okay what really trigger was an upper limit problem is I'm not good enough so that that's my trigger for just about everything so that's fear-based
of I'm not good enough. So this person triggered that. So in this trigger I can identify with that emotion. And say this is me, where that's the level 2, that's where most people stay at. So now I need to react to this false sense of self. This it's not real but I'm I'm pretending like it's real because that's my Matrix. I just took the wrong pill, the blue pill or whatever the red pill. And so now I'm acting in this, I'm acting in this and so my reactions are going to be Well,
I'd like to find him. I mean like if I could fist fight him, that would be great. You know, our let's do a dual, you know, or something even, you know what I mean? That's kind of more of like, a male part of things, you know, a female maybe to like in the feminine nature, may be like to withdrawal to be hurt. You know, which I experienced all those things is fearful, I don't want to talk to that person, you know, my fear is going to be in that Arena, so,
Taking that space. Would you were talking about a so important and not identifying with it and pulling yourself back. And then just inaccurate only talks about the being The Observer. Yes, exactly. And what does that look like? When you can take I'm at level 1 level 2 and I'm just I'm not identifying with it I'm taking a breath and I'm looking at that emotion and you said something very powerful. Don't you talk about it is that's not real, that's not real. What is that?
That's a crazy thought. What is that? That's just I'm dealing with some. Plumbing issues at one of my investment properties currently and it had, and has the power To take over my identity. Situation, ruptured pipes energetic response, Veer have to spend some money. I'm worried now. Now, if I go down the rabbit hole, With the situation, if I go down the rabbit hole with my fear.
So, let's Lose Myself. Yeah, will be a little bit vulnerable because this is fun because I know you really well. So, so going down the rabbit hole for you and this doesn't appear to be bad with anybody. This is actually praised in the world. You is saying I need to grin and Barrett, I need to go find another way where I can earn thousands of dollars to fix the pipes. So I'm going to as Abraham six at Hicks says, you know, our Esther Hicks if you guys have Listen to her.
She's great. I'm going to paddle as hard as I can upstream and I'm going to do. I am going to do this, and I'm going to work super hard. I'm going to go kill myself, physically and work till 2:00 or 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Yeah. Just so I can make this even totally, that that's been my literal experience. I would work at a restaurant from 3 p.m. to 3 a.m. after doing a normal night.
Five on Fridays and Saturdays. What's not, even in your normal 95 because you're getting, you're getting, you're getting there at 5 a.m. 5 a.m. in the gym and then all the way to 3 a.m. the next day. And then do that's not normal, dude, almost 28 hours into days that. Yeah, that's not. So I can sustainable. If I have this outside money, mmm, then I'll be okay. So it's part of my it was part of my delusion.
It was part of my seeking part of my addiction part of My seeking outside thing to make me, okay? And then and I always you've told me this and I was like where's God in any of that now? And it's not there has not risen all if I'm Connected To Source, I'm connected to infinite abundance. Yes, infinite abundance is. Can take care of me, no matter what. But coming from that place takes practice. I'm very practiced at coming from Fear.
I need to do something about this, then I'll work really hard and make it happen. That's the that, like you said, it's praised in America, normal people say? Well, we'll get another job. Yeah. Just keep working instead of coming from Source coming from connectedness knowing that. I'm going to be okay regardless of these pipes. I'm going to be okay regardless of that extra job. I'm okay. Regardless of what my job is. Am I identified with my job or not? If not, I need to come from the
place of source in order. To experience. Peace. Now somebody may be listening to this and they're just sitting around all day on their couch and smoking weed or being paranoid and doing coke or, you know, drinking all the time and they're like, well, you know, I don't need to get a job, you know, or whatever. Know the thing that you need to do is be productive, you know.
So there's this other side where, you know, you have the entrepreneurial type, you know, that archetype, you know, that's going to grin and bear it and do it. God's not involved in that. Then you have the other side of the person who's super lazy just sitting around, you know, in some of Are listening to this are doing now. You're just sitting smoking weed all day into Oblivion, you know. And I see a lot of people that can function with weed. Yeah. But they have a major addiction
to wheat. Yeah. It's same with alcohol. Yeah, I need to take to work. I need to do, you know, I have carried this pin with me. So, oh my God, I can't find my phone where dick to our phones. Oh my God, I can't find my pen or my phone. I need these two things and so I'm running into the bathroom smoking weed, I'm going outside and so I'm constantly you saw this in restaurant industry, I'm just Lehi 24/7.
Absolutely. All you did was replace alcoholism with weed is MM, you know you just became a drug addict. Yeah. And it's care is even more scary now because they'll give you a card. No, legal legal, go for it. The same as alcohol have as much as you want. You have PTSD. Here's more. Yeah, exactly. And if you know again we I like we like to prompt the question. Am I the victim of my life or my, the creator of my life that answer is simple for us?
But that's because I'm interested in In making inner peace, a priority in my life, I'm interested in honoring the part of me that is whole, if I don't know any better I'm still behaving in a destructive close-minded, unconscious addicted way because that substance makes me feel different. I don't have to feel fear, but I don't have to think I can check out. Yep. Yeah, so it doesn't really matter. What the substance is weed.
Alcohol cocaine does matter, the behavior is unconscious and really what We're discussing is being addicted to being in my own conscience. Hmm, I'm, I'm just addicted to living in that low level existence. I'm used to the feelings of fear. I'm used to the feelings of worry. I'm used to needing to check out from those feelings.
What can I do, anything? You got just give me more and and, and that's because like we were saying earlier to get back to, you know, the whole premise of this that's because I feel like I'm suffering Yeah, you're perceived suffering. Yeah, I feel like I'm suffering so I'm going to check out with this. Yes, you know, I've had a really hard week, it's been really tough.
I'm just going to lay around, you know, for two or three days, eat really bad, junk food, and watch, Netflix and just binge, you don't know what that's okay. Every once in a while, if you plan it and you figure it out, you know, sometimes I'll do that, you know, I mean there's healthy ways to that but if that's your way to cope is just smoking weed, then binging out on Netflix and hanging out on your phone.
And you know for I mean I think they said the other day, the average 20 year old spends like eight hours on their phone or longer, you know, and then on Tick Tock it's like crazy the amount of hours that teenagers are spending on Tick-Tock. I mean, it's hours and hours and hours, every single day. Well, you've created, there's an addiction there. I'm not going to be whole or I won't have peace, or I'm suffering. If I don't have my phone lose it without my phone. So that's an addiction,
absolutely. And you know, Am I seeking responsibility or not? If I'm the victim of my life, then there's no way I'm willing to adopt responsibility for my life. It's your fault. If you were different, I would be okay if the government was different. I would be okay, if my parents were different, I would be okay. If I had more money, I would be okay. I'm still just the victim of my life. that existence is low-level that, existence is unconscious and that creates my perceived suffering.
So of course, I'll grab the phone in order to feel something different. I don't know, any other better way to be Seeking spiritual principles, seeking responsibility presents me with a different approach to life. I no longer get to blame all of these outside things for how I'm feeling on the inside. I have to take responsibility for what's going on on the inside of me. Whether I'm staying on the couch, watching Netflix, all day or whether I'm working 80 hours a week.
In order to be busy and not feel, I don't have to worry about my problems. I'm too busy. So that's again the yin-yang we're talking but it's the same thing. People don't understand this. The 80 hours a week is you doing something to avoid correct. Boiling. What's really going on? Yeah, and then you have an excuse just like with any addiction is to say, well, don't you see I'm suffering.
I working 80 hours a week. You can understand your how important I am and all the things that I'm doing in this is to support. Family support, whatever the things I'm doing for you. Yes. Yeah. Look at all the sacrifices. I've given you know, which nothing we do in our zone of genius and we'll get into zones. Usually, but nothing we do in our zone of Genius to sacrifice. No it's Joy. It's pure joy and just pure serving others as his pockets.
So we've gone over an hour. So I want to we're going to do recovery in this context of the spiritual Dimension will get into that a little bit on the next episode and kind of get a little bit more detailed in this journey, but I do want to say this before we close out. I'm joining and maybe you can just talk real quickly to this if somebody such as podcasts. And, you know, somebody maybe a year, like obviously I have an addiction but you have five, ten fifteen, twenty other friends
share this. Yeah, absolutely. It's the number one thing you can do to help us. We're not asking for any money or anything like that. We want this word to get out and we believe that this is the way that you can cure your addiction. Yeah, it's a beautiful platform that you you are very well versed with Jason and not. It's an honor to get to be a part of something like this. Especially in 2023, how many people can receive a message or receive a solution to perhaps a
deadly illness? Yeah and you don't know by sharing information. You don't know how what impact that can happen. Somebody's life. Yeah so you know like you shared you told me today you shared the podcast who Spotify real quick. Mmm. You know, we have Spotify video YouTube video where you know, we on Instagram video, we have it all reals and all that stuff and YouTube shorts. So, just taking the time to share that with somebody. D can help change their life?
Yeah, you never know, you might be the first message or you might be the first line of hope that someone needed in order to save their life because you don't know. And you've known this when you're an alcoholic, what that person said to you how much it meant to them they do sets something to you but it changed your life forever. Yeah absolutely reshaped. My reality and a tool like this might get to help someone in that way.