RAR #228: Reading for Fun is More Important Than You Think

Sarah Mackenzie (00:00): Here's a question for you. Imagine that your child is grown up and his or her reading life looks a lot like yours does right now. How do you feel about that? Is your reading life something you want your kids to emulate when they're adults? (00:18): What if you and I built for ourselves the kind of reading life that we'd be delighted for our own kids to imitate? Because reading, not just reading to your kids, not just reading for your kids or reading about how to be a better mother to your kids, but reading for the sheer joy of reading is one of the most life-giving and delightful parts of our lives. (00:45): And as such, it's also one of the most important jobs we have as mothers. Regardless of what your reading life looks like today, this is good, good news. If you're not sure about that, then stick around. I'm Sarah Mackenzie. This is the Read-Aloud Revival, and in the next 20 minutes or so, I'm aiming to convince you this is true. Let's do it. (01:15): The well-known novelist and former national ambassador for Young People's Literature, Katherine Paterson, once wrote, "A fondness for books is catching." I think she's right, a fondness for books is catching. It's much easier to be drawn into a reading life when people around you also have a rich reading life. (01:38): Now, if you are listening to this podcast, then I'm betting that you are someone who wants to raise kids who love to read. Not kids who read because they have to, but kids who read because they can. Kids who read because they love reading. (01:53): And we talk a lot about raising kids who love to read around here, Read-Aloud Revival, on this podcast, in our premium programs. There are many strategies we can use to help our kids shape their own voracious reading lives. And modeling our own rich reading life is just one of those strategies, but it's an incredibly important one. (02:15): Is it essential? No, I don't really think so. Because there are kids, you can probably think of some, I definitely can think of some, who were voracious readers regardless of whether anybody else in their life is a voracious reader. They're born readers, so to speak. They're going to be readers no matter what. They're Matilda. If you think of the Roald Dahl novel, these are Matilda, we all know kids who are voracious readers even though they've attended schools that seem bent on making reading a perpetual slog rather than a source of joy or even though they might be the only person in their family who reads regularly. (02:52): But most kids aren't actually born readers, and so I think we do well to make it as likely as possible that our kids will grow up as readers and to love reading. We can't of course control how our children decide to live their lives when they're older. That's not even our job. (03:11): But I do think we can set the stage. I do think we can make it more likely that our kids will fall in love with reading. I love this story that middle grade author Jonathan Auxier told me once about what happened when he was eight. I think he was eight. In his family, he was basically the only number of his family who didn't love reading. Listen to Jonathan talk about this. Jonathan Auxier (03:33): I came from a family, they were very serious readers, and so there were always books in our home. My older sister was a voracious reader. And I knew how to read, but I didn't enjoy it very much. There were just other things I enjoyed more. And my mother, actually, I guess I got through first grade. And that was right about the time, I think most kids who loved reading, it was clicking in by the time they were finishing, and it was very clear talking to my teachers and just seeing me that again, even though I knew how to read, I just didn't like doing it. It was not an activity that brought me any joy. (04:03): And my mother panicked and she didn't know how to ensure that this would happen, and so she pulled me out of school. And I didn't know this until only about three years ago, I learned the truth of this. But when I was growing up, the story my mother would always tell me is I did second grade twice. The first time I did it at home and then I went back into a public school. (04:21): And the reason I was held back, which is the truth of what happened to me, my mother would always just say, "I didn't quite think I was ready to let you go," or something like that, that somehow made it about her emotional need. And I also interpreted that as I probably wasn't emotionally quite ready or something. (04:37): And it wasn't only until very recently after I had published my first book that I was talking with my mom about literacy, and she told me that that wasn't really the reason that she had done that. And the reason she had pulled me out of school for a year so that I could be "homeschooled" was because she was panicking about my reading. (04:53): And she didn't know how to make me a reader, but she knew that it had to happen. And that was not a negotiable thing in our home. Sarah Mackenzie (04:59): You were capable of reading, but you just didn't... Is that right? You were capable of decoding words, but you just weren't reading for fun or voraciously at all. Jonathan Auxier (05:07): I could decode. At that stage of literacy, that's part and parcel. (05:12): So I'm sure it wasn't fun because it wasn't easy, and the only way it gets easy is if you expose yourself to a metric ton of very boring words, which is why we get these repetitive series like the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, or in my case, I read a lot of Cam Jansen. (05:26): These are not great stories. We don't return to them and have our minds blown by what little gems they are. We read them, we gain the skills we need for a life of reading, and then we never look back. But I wasn't getting to that stage when I was getting that massive exposure, and so my mother panicked. She pulled me out. (05:42): We called it homeschooling, and it was basically my mother's a painter, so she would spend all her whole school day painting. And I was in the other room, and there were exactly three things I remember. Really I only remember two, and she reminded me of the third. The two things I remembered from my homeschooling experience is I had a very good short term memory, so she made me memorize every single president and vice president, which was very valuable when I moved to Canada and no one cared. (06:08): The other thing she made me memorize is every single prepositional phrase. So at seven years old, I was able to rattle off about a [inaudible 00:06:15] along, around, before, behind, below, beneath, [inaudible 00:06:18], by. All these things, I can't remember them now. Sarah Mackenzie (06:19): Oh my goodness, I know exactly what she used used to teach you that too. Jonathan Auxier (06:24): I learned later there was a great song to do that, but I didn't have that. I just had all these useless propositions, and that was all. And then a little bit of art history, she would create these mnemonic devices. I remember something, she wanted me to know when Columbus sailed across the ocean blue, he had a bowl of chili, which she thought I would then interpret as Botticelli, which would teach me that Botticelli's Venus painting happened at the same time. Sarah Mackenzie (06:49): I need to get to know your mother. Jonathan Auxier (06:53): She's a wonderful woman. She was actually studying gifted education at this time, so maybe these were very advanced techniques. But even as a child, I felt like, this doesn't feel like school. This feels way better. And then my memory is I just mostly messed around the rest of that time. It was very low workload. (07:07): And it was only when I asked her about this later, she said, "No, no, no, you forgot the last thing, which is you had to read three hours a day." (07:14): And she said, "As soon as you did your reading, then you could knock off and play with Legos or do whatever." And I had no memory of this, but it made perfect sense when she explained, "I panicked, I brought you home. I just forced you to read for three hours a day, because that's all I knew. I figured that was the only way to fix this problem." Sarah Mackenzie (07:30): So basically raising a non-reader was just not an option as far as Jonathan's mother was concerned. I cannot tell you how much I love this, that she was like, "Oh, that's not going to work for me. We're going to have to do something about this." (07:43): Now, consider our kids are in our homes for, I don't know, 18, 20 years more or less. And then they actually spend most of their lives not in our homes. Most of the reading they do happens after they leave our homes, which means that our job isn't to make sure our kids read all the "right books or all the important books," or whatever, that they read a certain number of books, a certain quantity. Our job is to set them up with an affinity for reading, or make it as likely as possible that they will have a strong affinity for reading. (08:19): That way they become the kind of people who are always in the middle of a book, who are always thinking about and reading and talking about books, whose lives are really nourished and fed and shaped by the books they read. (08:33): Now, I promised you at the top of this episode good news, and here's your first dose. Are you ready? As their parent, you are the best person to help your kids learn and grow, and home is the best place to fall in love with books. And while there are other pieces to this puzzle of helping our kids become lifelong readers, in this episode, I really want to focus on one element. Because I think it might be one of the most important. (09:02): And it's not something born readers need, but it's something most kids need, and that is modeling. Modeling is key. We simply cannot pass on to our children what we do not have ourselves. (09:16): We can go back to Katherine Paterson, who I quoted a few seconds ago. She says this far better than I can. This quote comes from a collection of her essays called A Sense of Wonder. (09:27): "Why are we so determined to teach our children to read? So that they can read road signs? Of course. Make out a job application? Of course. Figure out the destination of the bus so they can get to work? Yes, of course. But we want far more for them than the ability to decode? Don't we want for them the life and growth and refreshment that only the full richness of our language can give? We cannot give them what we do not have. We cannot share what we do not care for deeply ourselves." (10:14): It's been said that our children become what they behold, and they're beholding us. So how do we model a reading life worth beholding, a reading life worth imitating? And I think it's probably true that most of us wish we were reading more. You were probably already, like right now. You're like, "I already know. I already want to read more. I just can't figure out how to make it happen." (10:36): We all wish we had more time to read or maybe the ability to focus better on what we read. And so this summer here at Read-Aloud Revival, we are all in on helping you nurture your own reading life. Because I really believe that what Katherine Paterson said is true. We cannot give to our children what we do not have ourselves. (10:56): But here's some more good news for you, nurturing your own reading life and then tending to all the other responsibilities of motherhood, they're not at all at odds. I know sometimes it feels like it. Like, oh, all this work of mothering takes me away from the ability to read, and every time I read, I feel like I'm falling off the bandwagon with all the things I need to do with my mothering. (11:19): But they actually go hand in hand. They actually work in concert. And actually modeling a deep joy in your own reading life, it's one of the most important things you do all day as a mom. I mean that. Sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and a novel during the middle of the day, a novel by the way that you picked for no other reason except to like it, except because it sounded fun or wonderful. Jonathan Auxier (11:44): Sitting there during the middle of the day when your kids are sure to see you while there are other things to be done, dishes and laundry and running people around, reading for no other purpose than to enjoy the book itself. That is one of the most important things you do as a mother each day. (12:04): Let me break this down for you. A 2009 study by the University of Sussex found that reading for as few as six minutes reduced stress by as much as 68%. I'll put the link to this study in the show notes. The researchers from this study, they also found, so not only did reading for as few as six minutes reduce stress by as much as 68%, they also found that it reduced stress better and more quickly than any other stress reduction methods they tested. Listening to music, drinking tea, going for a walk. (12:45): When I think about, okay, reducing stress, going for a walk makes sense to me, listening to music, drinking tea, all that makes sense to me. Reading is more effective, it's better and it works faster. (12:53): That's amazing. You've heard me say it a thousand times. The most important gift you can give your kids is a peaceful, content mom. And in fact, I 100% believe that a peaceful, content homeschooling mom is the most important key to a successful homeschool. It's more important than which curriculum you use. It's more important than how many days of school you do, how much time you spend doing school. It's more important than how many books you read aloud or how effective any of your teaching methods are. A peaceful, content homeschooling mom is the key to your homeschool success. (13:30): Lesson plans, good schedules, good books. None of it can touch the effectiveness of a peaceful, content homeschooling mom. So reducing that mom's stress by 68%, yeah, that's worth doing. I go so far I think as to say that we're duty bound to make sure we're taking care to reduce our own stress levels so that we can be those peaceful, content homeschooling moms. (13:59): And I want to sit for a second with that six minutes thing, because I think that that might've slid by the radar. You don't need to read for an hour. You don't even need to read for 10 minutes. You don't need to read a certain kind of book. You don't need to read a certain number of books. They don't need to be classics or self-help books or spiritual books. Six minutes of a reading has this effect. Amazing. (14:22): There was also, I just noticed a fairly recent survey by Kelton Global, suggesting that people who read regularly are also happier, which totally makes sense if it reduces our stress by up to 68%. Because if our stress levels are lower, we're going to feel happier. We're going to be enjoying our day. We're going to have a much higher likelihood of being a peaceful, content homeschooling mom. (14:46): So yes, reading for pleasure. It's part of your job. It's one of the most important six minutes you're going to spend today. Are there six minutes that you're reading for fun? (14:56): Not only does it reduce our stress, it also improves our focus and it helps us think more clearly. We know that reading improves memory. We have studies to show that. We know that reading is known to reduce the risk of cognitive decline. It improves your focus. And I don't know about you, but that is something I'm very intent on improving. My ability to focus and to maintain attention on something that matters to me. (15:21): As mothers, we're problem solving all day long from morning till night. That is what we do. We are professional problem solvers as mothers. And we need our mental faculties to be sharp. We need to be able to focus and to make good decisions and to think clearly, and reading improves our focus and clear thinking. (15:40): And so that then helps us mother well. So yes, reading for fun is part of your job. It also, it makes us better humans. I've heard it said, I'm sure you have too. Reading's often described as like an escape. Katherine Rundell, she writes this in an essay called why you should read children's books even though you are so old and wise. And she says she thinks of reading not so much as escapism as findism, not escapism, but findism. Because reading helps us see things from another point of view. (16:16): That reminds me of something G.K. Chesterton wrote in Orthodoxy. He wrote, "Fairytales say that apples were golden, only to refresh the forgotten moment when we found that they were green. They make rivers run with wine only to make us remember for one wild moment that they run with water." (16:36): But he's talking about fairytales, about fiction, about stories, not about that parenting or homeschooling or motherhood book, or your spiritual reading or your make me a better person book. Fiction does make us a better person, but it does it obliquely. It comes in on the side. (16:54): It does it by refreshing that forgotten moment when we forgot how amazing it is that the river runs with water and that apples are green. That's what Chesterton is saying there. It helps us see better and love better and live better. Or as Katherine Rundell says, "Not escape, but find." Each other and ideas and ourselves. Reading for fun is part of our job, and it can be a reliable source of joy in our lives. (17:26): We don't know what ups and downs the coming year holds. I don't know what the next year comes is coming for me, and you don't know what the next year has for you. None of us do. But you can know that you'll have a reliable source of daily joy if you have a reading life. You'll have something to look forward to, something to relish, something to fall into every single day, something that's going to reduce your stress level by up to 68%. You'll have your reading life, and that's a massive source of joy and a real help I think as we catapult ourselves into a new school year, knowing that we have this source of joy. (18:05): It's like we're going on this long journey, and we know we have a water source. We know there's a place where there's cool, refreshing water to drink along the way. And it's really important for us to do that. It's really important for us to put strategies in place that will help us refresh and renew ourselves so that we can be that peaceful, content homeschooling mom. (18:25): In all this, the fact that reading reduces stress, the fact that reading improves our focus and clear thinking, that it makes us better humans and that it brings us so much joy. All of that, and I haven't even begun to say what modeling a reading life does for our kids. Dr. Daniel Willingham came on the podcast in an earlier episode. (18:51): This is from his book Raising Kids who Read. He writes, "You can't just talk about what a good idea reading is. Your child needs to observe that reading matters to you and that you live like a reader." (19:05): I think what he's saying here is it's basically all just lip service if we aren't living it out. We teach our kids to read and we acquire books, and we give a little lip service about how good reading is, how good for you it is, like it's a vegetable. Or how formative and wonderful it is. But if we're not reading for pleasure, our kids can see right through that. (19:25): Whether it's audio books or physical books or eBooks. If our kids don't see us losing ourselves in books, choosing to spend our free time reading, they're not going to believe any of that. I remember there was one point that I realized I was doing most of my reading at night in bed. Because when our oldest was 12, so my husband and I have six kids. When the oldest was 12, we had a 12, a 10, an eight, a one, and twin newborns. (19:56): You guys, I can't even make this up. That was reality. So for several years, that wasn't even the hardest year. I think the hardest year was probably when the twins were two. I realized that I did all my reading in bed, because it was really hard to get time during the day. And I wouldn't really read for very long because I was totally zonked by that time of the day. So I'd fall asleep a few minutes or a few pages in. (20:16): So I would find that number one, I could not retain anything. Because I would read at the end of the day when my brain is the most tired and I'd fall asleep. And so the next day I'd pick up my book and be like, well, what was going on here? And I'd have to reread the same thing I read yesterday to remind myself. And it occurred to me that my kids didn't see me reading because I did all my reading at night in bed when they were in bed. They were not there. It's not during the day where they can see me. (20:41): They needed to see me modeling a book lover's life if that's what I wanted them to imitate. If that was a value that I had, I want to raise kids who read. I want to have the kind of reading life that's worth imitation. Think back on that question I posed at the top of this episode. Imagine your child is grown up and his or her reading life looks a lot like yours does right now. What would it mean for your kids if your reading life was worthy of imitation? (21:08): Okay, so I know there are a lot of reasons why you and I might not be reading as much as we want to be. We've got so many responsibilities, we don't have enough time. Or maybe you don't know how to fit reading into your day. You're too tired. You fall asleep every time you pick up a book, or you can't focus and concentrate like you used to. Maybe you don't enjoy reading like you used to. Or maybe you just can't remember the last time you read a book that was impossible to put down. (21:35): For a lot of us, I think reading feels frivolous, especially the kind I mentioned earlier. Picking a novel that's just like a beach read or a fun read or some historical fiction novel that's just for the fun of it, or a mystery or something. And even though you know it's important for your kids to see you reading, there's always stuff to do. (21:53): It's hard to make it a priority. It's hard to feel like it's not cheating or slacking off. It feels frivolous. And in this episode, I wanted to talk mostly about why reading for fun is your job, is a crucial part of your job. Not as a nice to have, but as a fundamental part of motherhood. And why that's good news. (22:14): Because that means today you should absolutely neglect that laundry pile or ignore the crumbs on the floor, or completely ignore your social media account for 10 minutes to read something for the sheer joy of it. And you'll get all those benefits we were talking about. (22:30): And I'm not saying never sweep your floor and never fold your laundry and never get on social media. I'm saying 10 minutes. Can you decide today that 10 minutes of those gets to go to a novel instead? (22:40): And any book. It doesn't have to be a novel. It can be nonfiction, but something that you're reading not because you're like, I shall improve myself. I shall make myself a better mother or a better homeschooler, or a better wife. Just for the sheer, absolute joy of a reading. (22:54): But just me saying that doesn't make all the hurdles go away, and I'm definitely not going to leave you high and dry. So our team here at Read-Aloud Revival, we are committed to helping you nurture your own reading life. Regardless of the season you're in, regardless of how old your kids are or what you have on your plate, what obstacles are standing in the way. (23:14): In fact, this summer, we really want you to fall back into your reading life, fall back in love, I should say, with your reading life this summer. And so I've got something for you to help with just that. Our team made a map. This map is going to help you overcome your biggest reading obstacle. So not enough time, we have some ideas for that. Not sure when to fit it in, we have some ideas for that. (23:36): Are you having trouble focusing, understanding, concentrating on anything that's longer than a tweet or an Instagram post? We have some ideas for that. If you're not sure what to read, we really have some ideas for that. Or even if you're just like, "Sarah, I cannot get 10 ever loving minutes to myself." We have some ideas for that too. (23:54): So here's what you're going to do. You're going to download this map and you're going to identify what your biggest challenge is. That's where you start on the maps. You'll identify which place is your starting place, and then you'll find that we've got some strategies to help you today. Some quick wins to help you overcome those obstacles. (24:10): So for example, if your biggest hurdle is not having enough time, we've got a few tips for you there. Or if your biggest hurdle is not knowing what to read next, we've got tips for you there. Actually, we'll do one step better than that if you don't know what to read. Because along with that map is a book list. This is a new book list I created. It's got about a dozen books on it that I think are extremely likely to kick your own reading life into gear. (24:39): I divided this list into three categories. So there's some fiction, some nonfiction, and then some quick reads. There are a little bit of fiction, a little bit of nonfiction in the quick reads. So if you just need, listen, I like a short book. You guys know this if you've been listening for a while. So if you just need a quick win, go for one of the quick reads. (24:57): I also in this book list indicate which titles are best on audio and which aren't. So you're going to want to check that out. Now, this is a list you're going to want to choose from. If you're like, Okay, I'm in. I'm going to figure out how to make some time for reading. But I don't know what to read. I don't know where to start, and it's been a long time since I've been hooked in a book. It's been a long time since I've felt like a book was impossible to put down. (25:21): So if you need a book that's easy to get into and that will make your reading life instantly enjoyable, and quickly, I built this list on that. That's what this reading list is. So basically, how can you have a win as quickly as possible? A reading experience that's likely to just suck you right into the story? (25:39): This list has a dozen books that will do just that. So here's how to do it. Here's how to get it. It's free. You can get the map and the book list. You just need to text the word retreat, R-E-T-R-E-A-T to 33777, or go to readaloudrevival.com/228. (26:02): Because this episode is number 228. So just text the word retreat, R-E-T-R-E-A-T to the number 33777. Or you can go to readaloudrevival.com/228. Now why the word retreat? Why are you texting the word retreat? We are doing a circle with Sarah Retreat in [inaudible 00:26:22] Premium this summer that is all about nurturing your own reading life. I told you we're going all in on helping you fall in love with your reading life, because it's worth modeling for your kids and it will bring so many benefits to your own life. (26:36): It is a key part of your job. So our circle with Sarah Retreat is all about the same idea. And so that's why it's text the word retreat to 33777. The retreat is in August, 2023. So if you were listening to this before the retreat has happened, you can join us for it. And if you are listening to this after August, 2023, you can watch that retreat on demand. (27:01): And the whole point of this, it's like a day and a half retreat that we're doing on Zoom with a guide. You can do it right from your home. You don't have to go anywhere. And the whole goal is that you will be head over heels in love with your reading life by the end of it. And we are very excited. It's going to be a really fabulous retreat. (27:17): So anyway, you can get the free map and book list by texting retreat to 33777, or by going to readaloudrevival.com/228. (27:27): I think I just said that three times in a row, so I bet you know it by now. Listen, a life that is informed and shaped by books, it is sweet, it is nourishing. (27:37): And when reading becomes one of your greatest pleasures, you'll find you have a wellspring of joy at your fingertips. Even on your hardest days, no matter what comes at you, no matter if the money runs out or the time runs out. No matter what, you have this great pleasure, just a book away on your hardest homeschooling or parenting days. (28:02): I wish you a happy, joyful, robust reading life this summer. Now, let's hear from the kids. John (28:09): Hello, my name is John. I'm five years old and I live in Honolulu, Hawaii. And my favorite books are Winnie the Pooh and Adventures with Waffles. I like them because they're funny and [inaudible 00:28:29] adventures. Esther (28:30): Hello, my name is Esther. I'm eight years old. I live in Honolulu, Hawaii, and my favorite books are Misty Chincoteague and the [inaudible 00:28:41] Series. I like them cause they're funny and full of adventure. Grace (28:45): Hello, my name is Grace. I am 10 years old. I live in Honolulu, Hawaii. Some books that I have been loving lately are the Truly series by Heather Frederick Vogel. (28:54): I like them because Truly is a military kid like me and they're fall of mystery. Rebecca (28:59): Hello, my name is Rebecca Tyson. I live in Honolulu, Hawaii. I am 12 years old. Some of the books that I've been enjoying lately is the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan, because they are funny and it takes the idea of religions and turns them [inaudible 00:29:16] real. I also recommend the Hank the Cow Dog series as a family [inaudible 00:29:20]. Faith (29:21): Hello, my name is Faith. I'm 14 years old and I live in Honolulu, Hawaii. My favorite book series is [inaudible 00:29:28] because I can go sailing like the Walkers and the [inaudible 00:29:31]. Paul (29:30): Hello, my name is Paul. I'm 18 months old and I live Honolulu, Hawaii. My favorite book is that's not my baby, because there's a mirror at the end and I can see my cute cheeks. Sam (29:51): My name is Sam. I'm from [inaudible 00:29:54] Island and I live in [inaudible 00:29:56] Island. The country I'm from is I'm from United States of America, and the books I like is Spaceships and Rockets. I'm four years old. And what else? I like trains and finding stuff and getting cars. And thank you. Millie (30:19): I'm Millie Reiks. I'm from Bloomfield, Nebraska, and I'm 11 and a half years old. I like the book, an Old-fashioned Girl by Louisa May Alcott because it's about this girl named Polly visiting her friend named Fannie, and she's showing the love of Jesus to everybody even though she's treated badly. Sarah Mackenzie (30:42): Thank you. Thank you, kids. Hey, if your kids want to leave a message, our little collection of messages is getting rather low. So if your kids want to leave a message and tell us the books they're loving lately, go to readaloudrevival.com/message. That's where they can leave me a voicemail. (30:59): Don't forget to grab your obstacle map and your book list. This map and book list is going to help you overcome your biggest hurdle, keeping you from a robust reading life today. (31:09): And I mean it today, it's like the tips are quick action, simple to do, cost nothing. This afternoon you could find 10 minutes. I want you to have 10 minutes of time to read for fun today. I can only do that though if you text retreat to 33777 to get that download, or you can grab it at readaloudrevival.com/228. (31:32): I'll be back in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, you know what to do. Go make meaningful and lasting connections with your kids through books. And today that starts with modeling a vibrant reading life worthy of imitation. (31:47): See you next time.