Best of RAR: 5 MORE Homeschool Mistakes I’ve Made (they just keep comin’)

Sarah McKenzie (00:05): You've got a best of episode of the Read Aloud Revival Podcast. I'm your host, Sarah McKenzie. (00:12): Okay, so two weeks ago I shared the first five of 10 mistakes I've made in my homeschool. Okay, let me clarify. I've made many, many more mistakes than 10. I'm just highlighting 10 that stick out to me. (00:26): So in the last best of Read Aloud Revival episode, I shared the first five, and today I'm sharing the next five mistakes. Hopefully hearing these will keep you from making the mistakes that I've made. (00:37): Homeschooling is a joy and a gift, and it's hard and wonderful, and it's messy and effective. It's all of those things all at the same time. I can promise you won't get it perfectly, and I can also promise that you don't need to get it perfectly. I hope listening to these mistakes that I've made helps you along your own journey. So enjoy this best of episode, and learn something hopefully from five more mistakes I've made in my homeschool. Here you go. (01:12): My next mistake I want to tell you about is trying to make my homeschool look like a classroom. This was especially true for me at the beginning of homeschooling. And if you're new to homeschooling, watch out for this one. Homeschooling does not look like school. You don't want it to look like school. The strength of homeschooling lies in the fact that it actually looks nothing like school. (01:36): This is one of the hardest things to wrap our minds around when we're new to homeschooling, but you really do want to try to wrap your mind around it. Because I think you're going to love homeschooling way more when you've released your long-embedded ideas of what education looks like, what learning looks like. You want your homeschool to look like home, a home where learning is vibrant and integral, not like school with a bit of home tossed in for good measure. (02:02): So avoid the temptation to try to replicate your child's classroom at home, it will just be a recipe for frustration. It's a mistake a lot of homeschoolers make in the early years. Usually we've shrugged it off after we've been homeschooling for a while because we realize we've got something better than that. (02:17): In RAR Premium, everything we do is built around this understanding that we want our homes to havens of learning. Not classrooms, but places where the whole world is our classroom, right? The whole family is being energized, our minds are being enlivened, and we're constantly encountering interesting ideas, and books, and deepening our understanding across the curriculum. (02:40): So this is what we talk about in our master classes and in Circle with Sarah, which is our homeschool professional development for homeschool moms, and in all of our resources for our kids. Family book clubs, while writers on writing workshops. You'll see that we aren't trying to make our homeschools look like school. (02:56): We are going for learning that we think is better than that, that we think is better suited for the home. If we're learning at home, then this is how we're going to do it. So don't make the mistake of making your homeschool look like a traditional classroom. (03:08): This actually leads us right into the next mistake, which is playing teacher rather than being mom. Look, your child could have a lot of wonderful teachers, but only you can be their mom. Only you can be their dad. No child wants to trade in their parents for a live-in teacher. If you're new to homeschooling, this is another one to watch out for. Just, like making your home look like a classroom. (03:35): You want to love up your kids so that they'll be well suited for learning, but you are irreplaceable as a parent. You're not irreplaceable as their teacher. They can have a lot of wonderful teachers in their life, and that's a good thing. But only you can be their parent. So don't trade in your parent card to be the teacher. (03:54): This is an especially good thing to remember on any day that your child starts crying over their lesson, or they become angry or unreasonable. It's bound to happen. If your child's crying over her lesson, zero learning is happening, take it from me. Learning, like real, lasting, meaningful learning, that requires an openness of spirit. A willingness to receive or to engage. (04:19): And if your child, is crying and you insist that they keep going with their lesson, they're not learning anything right? When we do that, we're doing it for us, not for them. We're doing it so that we can feel good about them quote-unquote, "doing school," not because we're actually concerned about them learning. Because they're not learning anything, there's a wall up once they hit that ... Once they hit tears, there's a wall up, right? (04:42): This is a mistake I've made more times than I want to admit. But remember that your role as mom or dad is far, far more important and crucial to your child's success than teacher. (04:54): Okay, another mistake is comparing my kids with other kids. Ugh, I've made this mistake too many times. Comparison, we know, is the thief of joy, and if we decide to compare our kids to other kids of the same age, or to other homeschoolers, or to what we know that other kids know and can do, or what the schools are teaching at a certain level, we are choosing to let that comparison rob us of our homeschool joy. (05:23): Literally nothing good happens when we compare our kids with other kids. This is true of all parenting, I think, not just homeschooling. But I know I slip into this too often over the years. I've slipped into it too often, and it's never served us well. It's always, always a mistake to compare our kids with other kids. (05:43): Another mistake I've made is that I thought I could do a better job homeschooling if I had more. More money, more space, more supplies, more curriculum, more time. If only I had a bigger house, if only I had a better outdoor space. If only I had a homeschool room. If only I had that expensive curriculum. If only I had more time or the budget for a tutor. (06:07): None of this is true. The most important thing in your homeschool, the most important thing that your homeschool needs, is a peaceful, content homeschooling parent. That matters more than the space, than the time, than the money you spend on curriculum, than the supplies you're using. A peaceful, content homeschooling parent. A parent who smiles a lot. Who shows up faithfully to read to, them and talk to them, explore and learn with them. That's enough. Actually, that's more than enough. (06:38): You can absolutely do a bang up job homeschooling with a library card and some math books. Add in RAR Premium, where you've got this community of like-hearted homeschooling moms, and training and development for you as a homeschooling parent, as well as regular family book clubs and writing workshops, and that's a recipe for a great school year. You don't need much, but what matters most is you. (07:04): So if you find yourself thinking, man, I know I would do a better job homeschooling if I had more fill in the blank, catch yourself. This is a mistake I've made a lot of times over the years. It's another thief of joy, and it's simply not true. (07:17): This is the last one I want to tell you about. This is mistake number 10, and I think it's the most important. So if you've let your attention wander, come back to me here for now. I was too hard on myself. This is a huge mistake that I made. I thought I wasn't enough. I thought I needed a kick in the pants. Do you know, I have yet to meet a homeschool mom who needs a kick in the pants? And I've met a lot of homeschool moms. (07:58): More often we need a deep breath, an afternoon to enjoy our kids, a good night's sleep, a couple hours by ourselves at a coffee shop, a book. We need to smile more and worry less. I think the reason we're so hard on ourselves is because we think any hiccups our kids face are reflections on us. That's just not true. (08:21): We make low test scores, or kids who are behind in reading, learning disabilities, math tiers, unfinished lesson plans, learning struggles, we make it all mean something it doesn't mean. None of that means your child won't be successful. None of that means your homeschool stinks, or that you're not cut out for this. (08:43): A kid behind in math means, well, are you ready for this? Okay, A kid behind in math means that's where they are in math. That's all it means. When you're not in the throes of a busy homeschool day, and you can sort of look at things with a cooler eye, you might think, okay. Maybe we need to supplement with some extra math resources, or I need to reach out to someone who can help us here. Maybe I need to change the time of day we're doing math, or explore using a different program. There are a lot of possible solutions. (09:15): But one thing that remains true is that all it means if your child isn't doing well in math, is that that's currently where they are in math. So then your job becomes helping them take the next step. I love telling this story about when one of my kids was struggling with math. (09:34): So I was at a homeschool convention and I asked math expert Steve Demme what to do. So I went over to him and said, "Ah, I've got this kid. He struggling with math. What do we do? What do I do?" And he asked me what my child could do, and then he asked me what he was struggling to do. So then I answered him. And he listened and then told me what the next best step was. Okay, so what you need to do next is this. (09:58): Well, after I walked away, I realized I had never told Steve how old my child was. I mean, my child could have been six, or 10, or 17. He didn't ask because it didn't matter. What mattered was, what does your child know? Because once we know what your child knows, we know what the next step is. We know the next step to take. (10:23): That's the only thing we can do, is help our children take the next step regardless of where they are. Wherever your child is in any given subject, your job is to take them to the next step. Your only job is to take them to the next step. That means we can't make things mean what they don't mean. (10:46): We don't actually grow or develop in a straight line. Humans never do. So why we all get wrung up in knots when our kids don't develop academically at an equal pace, or an even pace over the weeks and months and years is beyond me, but still I felt prey to this myself. (11:03): Just because your child can have a really good day and finish an assignment in 30 minutes does not mean that every single day they can finish that same assignment in 30 minutes. They have moods, and hard days, and good days and days where it's difficult to concentrate. They make forward momentum and then they backtrack, just like we all do with all of our growth. (11:25): We have to remember, our kids' performance is not a reflection on us. It's not an indication of our value or our worth, or on our children's value or worth. When Audrey, my oldest daughter, when she was accepted into every single college she applied to, and then was given a generous scholarship at every single school she applied to, I thought one thing. (11:45): I immediately hopped on the phone with one of my good friends and said, "We've got to be easier on ourselves." I have wasted so much time worrying. And honestly, I wish I could trade that out, all those minutes I spent worrying, I wish I could trade them out to just enjoy her. And to help her take the next step. That was the job. That is the job, right? It's a mistake to be so hard on ourselves. (12:11): So let me recap those 10 mistakes I mentioned. And like I told you, I know there are more that I've made. These are the 10 that I think might be most helpful for you to keep in mind so you don't make them this coming year. (12:23): Mistake number one, I thought curriculum choices made a huge difference. Curriculum choices are important. They're just not the be all, end all. There are other things that are way more important. (12:36): I over-planned. I held my plans too tightly, and I also planned to do too much. (12:44): I under-prioritized reading aloud when it is the single best use of our time throughout the entire school day. (12:53): I didn't combine my kids for enough subjects. And when we combine our kids for as many subjects as possible, we really make our homeschool day more enjoyable. And frankly, easier. (13:05): I thought our homeschool needed to be extraordinary. It didn't. (13:10): I tried to make my homeschool look like a classroom. (13:13): I made my role as teacher more important than my role as mom. (13:18): I compared my kids with other kids. (13:22): I thought I could do a better job homeschooling if I had more. (13:27): And I was too hard on myself. (13:31): Now, I'm still homeschooling. We've graduated one, we have five more. Two that are currently being homeschooled high school, a couple of first-graders and a incoming third-grader. And what we do now lets me breathe a lot easier. I mean, it's still hard, don't get me wrong. Homeschooling a handful of kids is hard work, but it's good work. It's worthy work. (13:51): We won't regret the time we share with our kids when we're homeschooling. In fact, I have yet to meet a single parent who homeschooled her kids and wished she hadn't. And so I invite you, yes, even if you think you're kind of ordinary, even if you're not sure you're cut out for it, to join us. Invite you to homeschool joy. Join us as we're homeschooling this year with as much joy as we can muster. Join us in smiling as often as you can. I think you'll be glad you did. (14:24): And if you'd like ongoing support, if you'd like some resources that jive with all of these things I've talked about today, our AR premium is built on these very principles. You can get it AT rarpremium.com. It's a place where you get homeschool professional development by me, key resources like family book clubs and writing workshops that are taught by today's best children's book authors. (14:50): And these resources do the things I think all homeschool curriculums should do, make your job easier. Make your job lighter, make it freer. Make it easier to love your kids, and make it easier for you to love your homeschool and your life. (15:06): Again, all of that is at RAR Premium and you can get that at rarpremium.com. (15:16): Okay, that's a lot of mistakes. If you missed the first five I talked about, look back one episode in your podcast player. I think you'll enjoy listening to those too. But remember, no matter how many mistakes you make, there is room for them. There's room for you to make a ton of mistakes, and still homeschool well. (15:34): Homeschooling isn't about how amazing you are, it's about how amazing God is. Now let's hear from some kids about books they're currently loving. Simeona (15:49): Hi, my name is Simeona. I am 15, and I live in California. The book I'm recommending is called The Witches Boy by Kelly Barnhill. And I love this book because it has two different characters that are so opposite, and it weaves them together, and shows that opposite people compliment each other. And it also shows that pain makes you grow into a more beautiful person. Abraham (16:14): My name is Abraham. I'm seven years old. I live in California. My favorite book is [inaudible 00:16:25] Saga because my favorite character is Anna and Camel. Caty (16:29): My name is Katsy. I'm five. I from California. My favorite book is Little and Hot because my mom gave it to me. Theo (16:43): My name is Theo, I'm nine. I live in California. My favorite book is The Wing Feather Saga because the plot is very exciting. Yvonne Resnick (16:54): Hi, my name is Yvonne Resnick. I live in California, I'm 12. My favorite book series is Keeper of the Lost Cities because it is full of action and adventure. Thea (17:03): Hi, I'm Thea, and I live in Colorado, and my favorite book is Zoe and Sassafras. I like because there's adventure, and there's magical creatures, and there's science and in their website it's so much fun seeing all the crafts. Ellerie (17:24): Hi, my name is Ellerie. I am eight years old, and I live in Colorado. My favorite book is Little Women because Jo wants to be an authoress, and I do too. And they're all sisters. Izzy (17:40): Hi, I'm Izzy. I'm from Missouri. Speaker 13 (17:44): What's your favorite book? Izzy (17:46): How to Train Your Dragon, because it's silly and exciting. It has Hiccup and Toothless and they're best friends. Speaker 14 (17:57): What's your name? Ollie (17:58): Ollie. Speaker 14 (18:00): And where do you live, Ollie? Ollie (18:02): From Missouri. Speaker 14 (18:03): What's your favorite book? Ollie (18:05): Working for News. Speaker 14 (18:07): Why is that your favorite book? Ollie (18:09): Nobody's looking at [inaudible 00:18:10]. See one. Wesley (18:16): Hi, my name is Wesley. I'm from Missouri. My favorite book is Fablehaven, because it has Seth. Seth is brave and cool, and he goes on adventures and there's creatures in the forest at Fablehaven. And some of them are like fairies, centaurs, satyrs, and all kinds of others. Bye. Sarah McKenzie (18:51): Thank you, kids. (18:52): Hey, I'll be back in a couple of weeks with a brand new episode for you. In the meantime, you know what to do. Go make meaningful and lasting connections with your kids through books. (19:09): So many of us feel overwhelmed in our homeschool. There's a lot to do, and it feels like every child needs something a little different. The good news is, you are the best person on the planet to help your kids learn and grow. And home is the best place to fall in love with books. (19:35): I'm Sarah Mackenzie. I'm a homeschooling mother of six, the author of Teaching from Rest, and The Read Aloud Family. And I'm the host here on the Read Aloud Revival podcast. (19:47): This podcast has been downloaded over 8 million times, and I think it's because so many of us want the same things. We want our kids to be readers, to love reading. We want our homes to be warm and happy havens of learning and connection. We know that raising our kids is the most important work of our lives. (20:12): That's kind of overwhelming, right? You are not alone. In Read Aloud Revival Premium, we offer family book clubs, a vibrant community and Circle with Sarah, coaching for you, the homeschooling mom. So you can teach from rest, homeschool with confidence, and raise kids who love to read. (20:36): Our family book clubs are a game changer for your kids' relationship with books. We provide you with a family book club guide, and an opportunity for your kids to meet the author or illustrator live on screen. So all you have to do is get the book, read it with your kids, and make those meaningful and lasting connections. (20:59): They work for all ages, from your youngest kids to your teens. Every month, our community also gathers online for a Circle with Sarah to get ideas and encouragement around creating the homeschooling life you crave. They're the most effective way I know to teach from rest and build a homeschool life you love. (21:28): We want to help your kids fall in love with books, and we want to help you fall in love with homeschooling. Join us today at rarpremium.com.