Permission to Feel: Navigating Joy and Sadness Together

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Okay , so it says I won't be able to make it , but my question is is there a secret to noticing and allowing yourself to feel simple pleasures when we're in a place where almost everything feels heavy , feels like there are a lot of tools and it would be different for different experiences , but interested in your thoughts about feeling joy when sadness or other

feelings are pervasive . Feeling joy when sadness or other feelings are pervasive .

That is an excellent question and , like I said , thank you for asking that question , because I imagine that you are not the only one that feels that way , and I feel that way sometimes too , and so I'm sending you lots of love and big , gigantic hugs across the country , and so I have a few thoughts that I wanted to share that came up for me when I read

your question . I think one of the most important things is to remember that it's okay for both to be happening . You can feel joy and sadness and grief . They can coexist with each other , and I think that sometimes that doesn't always feel that way and giving yourself compassion for how you're feeling and not judging yourself for whatever you're feeling .

I have been pretty intentional over the last I don't know how long with finding things and allowing myself , giving myself permission . So maybe give yourself permission to feel some joy , and it doesn't have to be I know I say this a lot but it doesn't have to be like big , monstrous things . Literally , this candle just smelling it makes me feel good .

It doesn't take away from anything else that's going on around me , in my world , outside of this present moment , but this makes me feel good , and so prioritizing how you feel , and so how you feel isn't necessarily going to change all of the outside circumstances that are going on , but you get to choose how you want to feel in any given moment , and so

reminding yourself of that , giving yourself permission , and then noticing the things around you that make you feel good , and if there isn't something around you that makes you feel good , you know you can make a feel good list of things that you enjoy doing , or being extra intentional with observing the present moment , always breathing , intentional breathing , you know ,

just closing your eyes , even putting your hand on your heart , and just anything you can do to feel your way through it rather than think your way through it .

So just taking a few minutes to just breathe , and if you find that your mind is starting to like grab onto thoughts that you aren't necessarily wanting to be thinking , sometimes I'll like wiggle my toes and that gets me out of my head and into my body .

So whatever you can do to get back into your body counting , counting your breath If you're counting , you're not thinking . So those are a couple of ideas . I was just chatting with a couple of girlfriends through text a little bit ago and one of them used the word luscious and it made me think about how sometimes I will just have words go through my like .

I'll just start saying words in my head like joy and peace and ease and juicy and fun and love . And now luscious because I was like , ooh , I love that word luscious , that just make . Ooh , I like that , and so just things like that .

And again , it doesn't mean that all the crap going on around me isn't happening , but in this moment it helps me feel better . So I hope that's helpful . Please let me know if you don't feel complete and if there's anything else that I can offer to you . Just a couple of things .

You know , maybe you just go out and walk outside or it really comes down to prioritizing yourself and what feels good for you . So I hope that was helpful for you . All right , I wanted to add a little bit to that conversation . Again , I think this time of year , with the holidays and everything going on , everybody doesn't enjoy the holidays .

Some people do , some people don't , some people are missing loved ones or people that they're unable to be with during this time , and just in general . And I think that finding that balance and the duality of our emotions isn't always an easy thing to do , and joy and sadness are not opposite . They're part of the spectrum of what it means to fully be alive .

Sometimes joy doesn't feel like laughter , sometimes it just feels like quietly appreciating the moment that you're in , and sometimes that's just enough . I think it's really powerful that sometimes those simple pleasures that we allow ourselves to have are invitations to reconnect with ourselves .

So her question reminded me about how important it is to really start small and engaging in your senses , like noticing the warmth of a cup of coffee or a cup of tea , or maybe hot cocoa this time of year , listening to your favorite song , or even stepping out to feel the sun on your face , if the sun happens to be shining .

Those small moments can be really transformative and those little anchors don't negate the harder emotions but act as kind of a touch point of light in a heavy moment .

So another thing that I would suggest is approaching the idea of joy with curiosity rather than expectation , asking yourself what would it feel like to lean into something that brings me a moment of comfort right now . What do I need most right now ? And trust that you know the answer and feel your way through it .

That you know the answer and feel your way through it , as I had mentioned when I responded to that question , is the more you can feel your way through it rather than think your way through it . That's where you're going to find most impact . So maybe it's something like looking at a beautiful flower or the sky , or even just asking that question .

What would it feel like to lean into something that brings me a moment of comfort right now ? And finally , remember that it's okay to simply pause and not fix . Sometimes , just being with yourself , without judgment , can be one of the most healing things to do .

It's not about forcing yourself to feel better , but gently allowing yourself to feel what's already there , even if it's just a small quiet sense of it's okay . It's okay in this moment . Okay , we are going to pull a card from the Magic of what if ? Card deck .

We're going to pull from volume two , and the decks are available on my website , pure possibilities podcastcom or pure possibilitiesnet . Today's question what if I take radical personal responsibility for my ? What if I take radical personal responsibility for my life .

I have found that when I get really honest with myself about where I'm at , what I want , about decisions I've made , where I want to go with my life , what I'm currently doing , decisions I've made , where I want to go with my life , what I'm currently doing , are my actions aligning with the woman that I'm becoming .

When I get really honest with myself , that's when the leveling up happens , and sometimes it sucks . Sometimes it sucks to get really honest with yourself about your thoughts , your behaviors , your actions and the decisions that you're making . Sometimes it's like oh shit , what did I do ?

And you can get radically honest with yourself without judging it , because every moment you have the power to change or make a new decision or make a new choice . It's always up to you and if you are not living the life that you want to be living , you have the power to change that .

Sometimes we say that sometimes it's easier to blame other people and outside circumstances for the life that we're living , when , in fact , we actually get to decide , we get to choose .

That's a powerful one , because if you put it all outside of you , then you don't have to take responsibility , but it really is your life and you get to make those decisions and make those changes . And if something isn't the way you want it , then you get to do something about it .

It doesn't matter what other people think about how you're living your life or how you want to live your life . Take personal responsibility . If you feel like you want to

get healthy , then make a decision to change something . If you decide that you're miserable and unhappy in your relationship , do something about it . It all comes down to us . If there's something in your life that is not , if you are not happy with the way your life is going , you get to decide . You get to choose . Don't put that out on other people .

Is it easier to blame other people for the life that you're living ? Is it easier to act as if it's out of your control ? Is it easier to be in a victim state ? Is that easier ? Maybe , maybe it is , but wouldn't it feel amazing to know and to feel like your life is your own ? Because it is . What if I take radical personal responsibility for my life ?

If your life is going down a path and you don't like how it's going , make a decision and take a step . It doesn't have to be a big step , little step . Those steps are empowering and you'll show yourself and prove to yourself how strong you are . I hope you have a beautiful , beautiful day and an amazing week . Much love .