Men are growing increasingly isolated. Without regular contact with friends, men's mental health deteriorates, contributing -- in some cases -- to the significantly higher rates of addiction and self-harm in this population. Men need friends, and it's up to men to solve the loneliness problem by overcoming the obstacles that exacerbate it. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: https://amzn.to/3YfFwbx Pa...
Mar 10, 2025•13 min•Ep. 519
Is it merely a coincidence that women's success in the West has coincided with the widespread use of tactics designed to demotivate men? Using an anecdote from my own life -- the Easter egg hunt -- I discuss the PSA (pity, shame, anger) strategy to alter male behavior in the service of female achievement. This is how women get men to lose. Unfortunately, the use of this strategy is ultimately counterproductive for women, as it undermines their social success. Join my community: https://the-capta...
Mar 03, 2025•13 min•Ep. 518
When it comes to relationships, it's very difficult to secure the relationship terms you would prefer with the person you would prefer to have a relationship with. The more people place the person ahead of the terms -- or the more desirable the person with whom they are attempting to transact -- the more likely they will need to cede their relationship preferences. This is often the cost of doing business. They secure the relationship -- but at what cost? I call this winning to lose. Ultimately,...
Feb 24, 2025•10 min•Ep. 517
After consulting with thousands of men, I've discovered that many of them are complicit in creating the relationship dysfunction of which they complain. By rewarding bad behavior, men unintentionally reinforce their own suffering in a process I call "creating a monster." This is how men ruin their marriages. Alternatively, men would be better off giving in as quickly as possible or holding the line no matter what. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of ...
Feb 17, 2025•13 min•Ep. 516
Like it or not, tests are a necessary aspect of life. Rather than considering them burdens or annoyances, it is helpful to understand that tests are opportunities. Consider the way of Hercules: his 12 labors revealed his potential and signaled his excellence, both to others and to himself. And since tests are generally a sign of interest, it is useful to reframe them as a chance to demonstrate your talent and skill. Embracing the way is the path to success and achievement. Join my community: htt...
Feb 10, 2025•10 min•Ep. 515
Women often tell me that the reason they aren't interested in securing a long-term relationship in their 20s is because they consider the development of their careers to be a necessary hedge against being left in the lurch further down the road. However, this is actually not a hedge: it is the primary bet. When women hedge they leverage a relationship against the downside of their work -- not the other way around. This isn't necessarily a problem, as long as women understand that the bet determi...
Feb 03, 2025•11 min•Ep. 514
There are many popular misconceptions about mental illness. It is not very encouraging, but certain issues might not ever go away completely -- even with treatment. However, by treating these conditions like chronic diseases, it's possible for people to live happy, normal lives -- provided they appropriately adapt to the reality of their situation. In today's episode, I discuss the truth about mental illness and how to live with it. Adopting this perspective will facilitate wellness and mental h...
Jan 27, 2025•10 min•Ep. 513
It is difficult for men -- even very successful men -- to maintain relationships with women. This is not only because everything they have provided no longer matters, but because they eventually run out of things to provide, as well. This is the law of marginal utility applied to relationships, and it explains why you cannot buy a relationship long-term. At a certain point, your money's no good here, and you need to find other ways to keep her emotionally engaged. Join my community: https://the-...
Jan 24, 2025•10 min•Ep. 512
Many women believe that a man will not respect them -- or consider them for a long-term relationship -- if she is too "easy" in the courtship process. This is not true. When it comes to their relationships, men don't want a challenge. This is because -- when it comes to the average man -- his life is hard enough. While men might need a chase, they are not looking for a woman to complicate their lives. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook...
Jan 20, 2025•11 min•Ep. 511
It's come to my attention that -- when it comes to relationships -- many women are not very good at sealing the deal. This is because women don't close. Like bad salesmen, they tend to lead with what they want, which is unlikely to end with a sale. For better or worse, what you want doesn't matter. Rather, it's a good idea to lead with what the other person wants and frame what you want as a means to that end. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Othe...
Jan 17, 2025•11 min•Ep. 510
Is it possible to attain wisdom without having to learn the hard way? In today's episode, I discuss how people learn by walking the two paths: the path of light and the path of pain. Most people learn most of their lessons on the path of pain, which is a kind of feedback that the models from which our behavior proceeds are not aligned with reality. Fortunately, we can all learn to walk on the path of light by learning from the pain of others. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.c...
Jan 13, 2025•12 min•Ep. 509
I often hear men complaining that they can't find women willing to provide value to their lives. However, in my experience, women want to care for you -- provided you offer a sufficiently attractive relationship opportunity. And one of the best ways for men to determine the extent of this desire is to ask women to do things for them as early in the courtship process as possible. Put her to work: you will either get what you want or force her to reveal her true intentions. Join my community: http...
Jan 10, 2025•13 min•Ep. 508
With a new year upon us, many people will be trying to change their behavior in the coming weeks. As we all know, this is not very easy to do. In today's episode, I discuss where the battle is won in order to help facilitate success, namely: in the ten second conflict that generally precedes making an decision. A little discipline goes a long way toward self-improvement, though we can give ourselves an advantage by how we choose to structure our lives. Join my community: https://the-captains-qua...
Jan 06, 2025•10 min•Ep. 507
The truth about good relationships is that good relationships are boring. No one particularly likes to admit this, but that doesn't change the fact of the matter. Good relationships are stable, reliable, predictable, and free of conflict and drama. This is neither particularly interesting nor exciting. In general, one's capacity to have a good relationship is directly correlated with one's ability to tolerate boredom. Using Yasujiro Ozu's metaphor for marriage -- the flavor of tea over rice -- w...
Jan 03, 2025•10 min•Ep. 506
In today's episode, I discuss a model that has personally helped me to become a better man. For your own progress, it is useful to consider that you are two men: the Worldly Man and the Spiritual Man. While the Worldly Man wants things to be easy, the Spiritual Man needs things to be difficult. In this way, you can always make use of circumstances to facilitate your growth. This is how to accelerate your development as a man. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "T...
Dec 30, 2024•11 min•Ep. 505
Struggle is necessary to achieve anything of value in this world. This is as true for psychological intangibles as it is for material resources. Wrestling with the angel is necessary to secure a life worth living. In this episode, I discuss how we pay the cost of anything by letting go of what is antithetical to that something. This cannot be cheated. However, expensive though it may be, it is worth it. Ultimately, you have to fight for your life. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters...
Dec 27, 2024•11 min•Ep. 504
Many people want to know how to be a better person. In today's episode, I discuss the implications from one of my favorite psychological studies, which reveals the unexpected driver of kindness. In general, it is those with some measure of prosperity -- of having an abundance of resources above and beyond what they need for their own personal use -- who are most likely to actually be of service to others. Ultimately, one of the best ways to help others is -- paradoxically -- to first help yourse...
Dec 23, 2024•10 min•Ep. 503
In today's episode, I'm going to explain why so many decent guys end up in unsatisfying relationships. These unattractive men represent good provider options for women who can't secure long-term partnerships with their preferred mates. Unaccustomed to any attention from women, these men secure relationships on disadvantageous terms at the slightest signs of interest, which I call "a feast of crumbs." This is how men get used. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "T...
Dec 20, 2024•12 min•Ep. 502
It often seems as though women process breakups faster than men do. In today's episode, I explain why it takes men so long to get over it. The reality is that you never lose someone all at once. While the structure of a relationship can be dissolved in 30 seconds, the bond that ties people together is only weakened when the individuals in question decide to emotionally invest in other relationships. Men persist in heartbreak longer because they do not adequately grieve their relationships and/or...
Dec 16, 2024•10 min•Ep. 501
My experiences with meditation have taught me that you can't get there the same way twice. This is because success is a moving castle. The same approach will not take you to the same destination, as the destination has since relocated. Consistent achievement depends on the development of mastery, which is the ability to flexibly and competently apply general principles to individual circumstances. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: ht...
Dec 13, 2024•12 min•Ep. 500
A lot of the issues that people are subject to facing in their adult lives stem from failures in their childhood environments. And in my clinical experience, these issues are somewhat different depending on whether the failure originated in the father or in the mother. In today's episode, I'll be comparing mother love and father love: how they might be distinct from each other and why both are instrumental to the well-being of the child. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy...
Dec 09, 2024•11 min•Ep. 499
While women have long ago realized the importance of vetting men, most men do not intentionally screen women before entering into sexual relationships with them. This is largely due to poor optionality, which is just happy to be given an opportunity at all. Unfortunately, this significantly increases the likelihood that men will become involved with difficult, damaged, or dangerous women over a long enough timeline. In this episode, I discuss the importance of screening women and provide one con...
Dec 06, 2024•15 min•Ep. 498
Judging others is never a good look because it functionally communicates that you have nothing better to do -- which is almost certainly not true. When people are focused on their own growth and success, they typically do not have any bandwidth left to critically evaluate others. Entering into the mood of complaint is an invitation to examine the beam in your own eye, which must be removed before attending to others. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value ...
Dec 02, 2024•9 min•Ep. 497
Much of the confusion and frustration around relationships disappears once you understand that every relationship is actually two relationships: the negotiated structure and the emotional bond. Possession of the one does not guarantee the other. For example, marriage does not entitle you to love, and love does not entitle you to marriage. Ideally, you have both at more or less equal intensity. However, if you need to prioritize one over the other, investing in the emotional bond is typically a b...
Nov 29, 2024•12 min•Ep. 496
Having a place to go and something to do there has saved more marriages than couple's therapy ever will. Men and women were never designed to spend so much time with each other. By removing too many barriers to access, lovers are slowly transformed into roommates. Most couples do not suffer from too much space – but too little. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: https://amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: https://amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: https://...
Nov 25, 2024•10 min•Ep. 495
There is a problem that all couples must confront over the course of their relationship: what should they do with their farts? Some hold them in and others let 'em rip. These two camps constitute two different approaches to the unpleasant realities of self and other: repress them to maintain harmony or express them to promote authenticity. Which approach is undertaken has non-trivial consequences for the future of the relationship. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460uGr...
Nov 22, 2024•11 min•Ep. 494
Men sometimes believe that understanding the origins of a woman's problematic behavior (e.g., childhood trauma, narcissistic ex) will somehow lessen the impact of that behavior. This is not true. Much like an employer after a lackluster interview, there is no need to understand why the prospective employee did not perform well – and there's certainly no need to extend her a job offer in order to “fix the problem.” Better to simply move on to the next interested applicant. Buy my book, "The Value...
Nov 18, 2024•10 min•Ep. 493
It's important for young men to understand that all women play blackjack. Like players in the game, women in the sexual marketplace must choose whether to stand (settle) or hit (move on) in their bid to get as close as possible to 21 (an ideal relationship) without busting (the close of their reproductive window). To make this decision, they incorporate information from their hold cards (current relationship) and the dealer's show card (potential mates). A deep understanding of this metaphor wil...
Nov 15, 2024•10 min•Ep. 492
As discussed in a previous episode, if a man is rich and attractive, he isn't going to be loyal – so this is the hardest man to lock down. That said, even movie stars and world leaders settle down – so it is possible to get them to commit. To do so, however, it is not enough for a woman to be attractive and inoffensive: she must captivate him emotionally, as well. By channeling her inner Scheherazade, a woman can weave a story that can enchant even the most recalcitrant rake. This is how to marr...
Nov 11, 2024•14 min•Ep. 491
Ladies: a man can be rich, a man can be attractive, and a man can be loyal. However, you can only get two – max. This is because any one of these attributes is very expensive to cultivate, and no one will pay more than they need to for the same good. As a result, we collectively consider it lucky if a man has even one of these attributes – which makes two exceedingly rare and three overkill. In this episode, I take a look at the three archetypes in turn: the Romeo, the Patron, and the Playboy. U...
Nov 08, 2024•11 min•Ep. 490
