The one thing that most prevents men from having the relationships they want with the women they want to have them with is cowardice. In this episode, I discuss three ways in which this cowardice tends to manifest in the game of mating and dating: in approaching women, in responding to female emotionality, and in assuming leadership. For men, courage is the pathway to more satisfying relationships with women. Book a paid consultation: https://oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Faceb...
Jan 01, 2024•11 min•Ep. 396
A common refrain I hear in my consultations with men is feeling disrespected. These men feel as though other men look down on them, and that women tend to overlook them. And since I've been giving the same feedback in multiple sessions, I thought I would make an episode on the topic to spare guys the trouble. Basically, it's dangerous for a man to appear harmless, as it makes it more likely that he will be the target for aggression that others would like to direct elsewhere -- but are too afraid...
Dec 29, 2023•8 min•Ep. 395
It has been many years since I last fought with a woman, and I'd very much like to keep it that way. Today, I'm going to share my secret with you. It's important to appreciate that one of the attributes of the feminine is to magnify and reflect. Femininity takes what it receives, makes it bigger, and gives it back to you. With this in mind, the best way to avoid conflict with a woman is to clarify (i.e., clean up) your tone. Remove every hint of frustration and judgment from your voice, and you'...
Dec 25, 2023•12 min•Ep. 394
I might take some heat for this one, but I'm not a big fan of couples therapy -- mostly because I haven't seen it associated with a very high rate of success. In this episode, I give several reasons why this may be the case, and argue that -- if therapy is needed -- most issues can be more productively addressed in individual counseling. It's very hard to tell the truth that one person can hear; it's almost impossible to tell the truth that two people can hear simultaneously. Book a paid consult...
Dec 22, 2023•10 min•Ep. 393
Due to certain social and cultural expectations, men find themselves in a unique double-bind in the sexual marketplace. On the one hand, men are expected to approach and initiate. If a man takes no action, then generally nothing happens. However, on the other hand, the act of approaching and initiating makes them less attractive than they otherwise would be, reducing their chances of success. Men are more attractive if they don't pursue -- but if they don't pursue (at least in the beginning) not...
Dec 18, 2023•9 min•Ep. 392
A common refrain that I hear in my consultations with women is a disinterest in performing "low-value" work in their relationships. This can include things like cooking, cleaning, and (in some cases) sex. They often believe that doing this work makes them a "maid" or a "mommy" (or a "sex worker"), and that they would prefer to be utilized in a "higher-value" capacity. To save women the trouble, I decided to make an episode on my general response to this complaint. Book a paid consultation: https...
Dec 15, 2023•10 min•Ep. 391
One of the primary reasons why people reach out to me for a consultation is for help changing a long-standing relationship dynamic. While it is possible to alter even deep-seated issues, it takes time, it may not resolve completely, and it always, always gets worse before it gets better. In this episode, I'll explain why this is the case by approaching change through the (often unappreciated) lens of behavioral psychology. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=10009005388962...
Dec 11, 2023•11 min•Ep. 390
Emotional detachment is perhaps the most essential emotional survival strategy. Without it, you resign yourself to ride the emotional roller coaster: at the mercy of the ever-shifting whims of fate. However, emotional detachment is often misunderstood. In this episode, I will discuss what it is and what it isn't. Master this skill, and you'll be able to swim in even the deepest waters. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/i...
Dec 08, 2023•11 min•Ep. 389
One of the primary reasons men reach out to me for consultations is to learn how to bring the passion back into a sexless marriage. Besides cultivating the conditions under which sexual interest is most likely to flourish, it's important to practice the fundamental principle of seduction, namely: tension and release. In this episode, I'll discuss what that might look like, and explain why your woman may be recoiling from your touch. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=1000...
Dec 04, 2023•10 min•Ep. 388
Most of the popular metrics people use to understand others -- attachment styles, Myers-Briggs, love languages -- are functionally useless for predicting behavior. The key to understanding others lies in appreciating the incentives under which they are operating: the carrot and the stick. Keep in mind that, in order to be motivating, these incentives don't actually have to exist in reality: they need only exist in their perceptions. In this episode, I discuss some of the ramifications of these o...
Dec 01, 2023•9 min•Ep. 387
In this episode, I discuss the third -- and final -- consideration for getting any man you want. If a woman has proven herself both functionally useful and sexually exciting, and she still hasn't been able to retain a desired relationship, in most cases it is because she has violated the unbreakable rule, namely: she has been difficult and disrespectful. Under no circumstances, can a woman allow herself to disrespect the man she wants. No exceptions. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/p...
Nov 27, 2023•13 min•Ep. 386
Have you ever wondered why your woman seems to create unnecessary difficulties? Why is it that she can become so provocative, seemingly out of the blue? In this episode, I discuss the counterintuitive explanation for why many women pick fights with their partners. Though it might sound strange, anger is actually reassuring, as it demonstrates a person is still sufficiently emotionally invested to fight. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https://...
Nov 24, 2023•9 min•Ep. 385
The stereotypical midlife crisis looks like a man leaving his wife and kids, buying a sports car, and shacking up with a younger lover. What causes this phenomenon? And why does it mostly seem to impact men? In this episode, I argue that the men most at risk for midlife crises are the rule-following and duty-conscious sort, who have spent most of their conscious lives acting responsibly. To avoid this outcome, it's important for men to practice what I call "creative selfishness," and to enjoy th...
Nov 20, 2023•11 min•Ep. 384
I recently spent a month abroad. While the experience was largely a positive one, as the weeks went by, I didn't feel as well as I did when I was living my boring, little life back home. Almost certainly, this was due to the disruption of my routines, which I typically discharge with mechanical regularity. Nutrition, sleep, exercise, sex, and connection are extremely important for individual psychology. They help to clarify thinking and regulate emotions. Before consulting with a therapist, it m...
Nov 17, 2023•8 min•Ep. 383
This is a phrase I have heard many, many times over the course of my dating history. You would be forgiven for thinking that the person who says this is ready to "cut to the chase:" to dispense with all the courtship nonsense and negotiate a relationship. However, this is not the case. "I don't play games" really means "hurry up, and give me what I want" -- which is a tactic in the game of relationships. Be very wary of those who profess not to play games. Most likely, they can't afford to pay t...
Nov 13, 2023•9 min•Ep. 382
This is a topic that has been requested repeatedly on this channel. For those who are unfamiliar, Passport Bros is the collective term for a movement among Western men who are increasingly pursuing mating and dating opportunities abroad. To be honest, my previous association with the movement was that it was primarily catering to men who were too low-status or unattractive to beat out the intrasexual competition in their home country. After spending a month in Japan, I no longer believe this to ...
Nov 10, 2023•10 min•Ep. 381
Due to popular demand, this is the second episode in a three-part series on how women can get any man they want -- even if they are not exceptionally attractive. Men are not complicated. To secure a relationship with any man they have direct access to, women only need to do two things (and not do one thing). This episode is about the second thing, the Hook. This is how women capture men. In order to hook a man, women have to be the nastiest, slutiest versions of themselves possible. A woman's se...
Nov 06, 2023•15 min•Ep. 380
Inspired by my recent trip to Japan, I would like to share with you one of my favorite poems: O snail! Climb Mount Fuji -- but slowly, slowly. Like many haiku, there is a substantial amount of wisdom contained within these three lines, much of which pertains to the best that life has to offer. If you don't see it yet, allow me to offer three lessons contained therein to edify you. Find your Fuji, and climb it as slowly as possible. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=10009...
Nov 03, 2023•9 min•Ep. 379
Due to popular demand, this is the first episode in a three-part series on how women can get any man they want -- even if they are not exceptionally attractive. Men are not complicated. To secure a relationship with any man they have direct access to, women only need to do two things (and not do one thing). This episode is about the first thing, the Master Key. The secret to getting a relationship with a man is being useful. Women need to make men's lives easier and better in order to secure a c...
Oct 30, 2023•18 min•Ep. 378
This episode is for the ladies. It's important for women to understand that game is not just for men. Women need it to -- albeit for different reasons. Since women are the gatekeepers of sex, men need game in order to access the sexual opportunity. On the other hand, since men are the gatekeepers of commitment, women need game in order to secure a committed relationship. And most women have terrible game in this regard. Don't conflate your ability to secure sex from a man with your ability to ge...
Oct 27, 2023•13 min•Ep. 377
In this episode, I respond to the most common critique of my conceptualization of frame as something that cannot be shared, namely: whether it's not possible for two people to create a mutually-constructed, egalitarian frame. Like socialism, this notion is associated with lofty ideals and noble sentiments, and -- like socialism -- it doesn't work like this in practice. I provide three reasons why this is the case. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedI...
Oct 23, 2023•9 min•Ep. 376
Since only attempts at reason can be rational or irrational, and since emotions make no claims to reason, then emotions can neither be rational nor irrational. Their experience is always valid, but they are not always justified. This is because the thinking on which the emotion is based might be irrational or misaligned with reality. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to evaluate our own thinking -- especially when we're emotional. In this episode, I provide a concrete example of how to do ...
Oct 20, 2023•10 min•Ep. 375
Frame is a very important concept with respect to relationships. It's a bit hard to define, but I consider frame to be the "world" of the relationship. Without realizing it, most men are in the woman's frame. In this episode, I explain what this looks like using an anonymized example from a recent consultation. The details may change, but the situation is one in which millions of men find themselves today. Fortunately, if you lose frame, it's possible to reclaim it. Social Media Facebook: https:...
Oct 16, 2023•11 min•Ep. 374
The symptom pool is probably the single most important concept with respect to understanding mental illness. In short, the symptom pool is a culturally-bound collection of behavioral signals that can be used to communicate various degrees of distress. These signals are unconsciously added to the pool at the population level, and they are unconsciously manifested from the pool at the individual level. In this episode, I cite an example of how this might look from Ethan Watters's "Crazy like us". ...
Oct 13, 2023•12 min•Ep. 373
When people first meet you, they look to you to teach them about how they should feel about you. This is because, it's actually fairly difficult for most people to make up their own minds: so they're going to need your help. This is your opportunity! The key to getting people to feel positively about you is to imagine that you are world's greatest vacuum cleaner salesman. I'll explain what that means in this episode. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 Link...
Oct 09, 2023•9 min•Ep. 371
Like many of you, I have a morning ritual that includes prayer and meditation. For many years, part of that ritual has been praying that "all beings be free of suffering" -- which is a traditional Buddhist loving-kindness mantra. However, over the course of this practice, I realized that my conceptualization of suffering -- and prayer and God -- was superficial and immature. To liberate people from suffering, we will all need to address the root cause of the problem. Social Media Facebook: https...
Oct 06, 2023•8 min•Ep. 370
This phrase -- "I have plenty of time" -- is one I've heard from many, many women throughout my dating history. However, is that really true? In today's episode, I discuss some of the uncomfortable facts about female fertility, especially as they pertain to men's sexual selection priorities. In today's world, women can be anything -- but they can't be everything. Because no one can. Fertility facts: https://www.cnyfertility.com/fertility-stats-by-age/ Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/...
Oct 02, 2023•10 min•Ep. 372
In the course of my work, I'm occasionally asked why I do what I do. It's a complicated question, but -- by way of an answer -- I'd like to offer an anecdote from my life. On a Saturday night many years ago, I ended up directing traffic at a chaotic intersection in New York City. The moral of the story is that the world doesn't need more people getting irate or walking past the problem. The peanut gallery is full. If you see an issue, and no one else is solving it, then congratulations: you've j...
Sep 29, 2023•8 min•Ep. 369
One day, I hope to be able to love like the Sun. In this episode, I discuss what that means by examining the exultant humility of the star in the center of our solar system. The Sun is one of our best models of the generosity, abundance, and indifference that constitute the most elevated forms of love, and its teachings are freely available to us all. If you're ready to up your game, and move beyond the exchange of value that characterizes relationships, this episode is for you. Social Media Fac...
Sep 25, 2023•11 min•Ep. 368
There is a paradox that lies at the heart of impostor syndrome. On the one hand, people feel that they are incompetent in their role and that it is only a matter of time before their more competent colleagues catch on. And on the other hand, people also believe that they are competent enough to hide their incompetence from people more competent than they are. This duality is almost humorously non-sensical, and appreciating it can go a long way toward resolving the syndrome. However, just for goo...
Sep 22, 2023•8 min•Ep. 367
