In the course of my work, I'm occasionally asked how it is that I came to know what I know. I usually answer that, to the extent that I am wise, I became wise through pain and insight. Pain in the gift that nobody wants -- but if you learn to listen to pain, it will teach you some of life's profoundest lessons. In this episode, I discuss some of the obstacles that prevent people from taking advantage of the opportunity in pain, and how to use insight to accelerate your growth. Social Media Faceb...
Sep 18, 2023•11 min•Ep. 366
As soon as you stand up and run the risk of being somebody, you cast a shadow. One element of that shadow is a body of antagonists that is subject to trying to denounce and destroy you. These are haters. However, haters don't actually hate as much as they envy. In this episode, I discuss how envy works and how to respond to the envious. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: https://inst...
Sep 15, 2023•11 min•Ep. 365
If it's true that women mate and date for gain (i.e., they get out more than they put in), then it must be true that men mate and date for acceptable loss (i.e., they put in more than they get out). It would not be possible for women to date for gain if they put in more than they got out, and such a relationship would likely prove unsustainable. However, it's important for men to understand that there is a difference between acceptable and unacceptable loss. I discuss more on this episode. Socia...
Sep 11, 2023•9 min•Ep. 364
Many promising ventures start as little more than a vision. With little more to offer, these businesses woo partners and investors with equity: the promise of a share in the future earnings of the company. It's a risk: many businesses fail. However, if they wait for the business to succeed, these folks might also be priced out of the market. The same is true of dating. Only founders get equity. Everyone else gets a salary, at best. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=10009...
Sep 08, 2023•10 min•Ep. 363
For perhaps the first time in a very long time, we have arrived at the point where men and women don't need each other anymore. For society to function, women need lots of men around, but a given woman doesn't need her own man. For civilization to continue, men need lots of women around, but a given man doesn't need his own woman. In this episode, I discuss some of the consequences of replacing necessity with desire. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 Link...
Sep 04, 2023•9 min•Ep. 362
The biological clock, generally understood as a felt sense of urgency arising from a woman's physiology as she nears the end of her reproductive window, can't exist as such. If this urge were biological, we would expect it to occur when a woman is most likely to conceive and carry a viable pregnancy (i.e., when she is young and fertile). The historical record would also likely look very different. In this episode, I make the case that the urgency in question is more of a psychological clock than...
Sep 01, 2023•9 min•Ep. 361
Given what we understand about female mating and dating behavior, it's possible to play the chess out twenty moves and consider the various endgames that women will face in the sexual marketplace. There are actually not very many. In this episode, I discuss the five ways it can end for any given woman, and provide rough probability estimates for each scenario. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/...
Aug 29, 2023•9 min•Ep. 360
Given what we understand about female mating and dating behavior, it's possible to play the chess out twenty moves and consider the various endgames that women will face in the sexual marketplace. There are actually not very many. In this episode, I discuss the five ways it can end for any given woman, and provide rough probability estimates for each scenario. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/...
Aug 29, 2023•11 min•Ep. 359
The general consensus is that relationships tend to fail when one person in the couple begins to struggle. Maybe they stop putting effort into the courtship; maybe they stop putting effort into their own growth and well-being; maybe they become addicted or comfortably numb. And while this can certainly happen, this isn't what I typically see in my practice. In today's episode, I discuss the most dangerous thing for a relationship: when success comes to one person. Social Media Facebook: https://...
Aug 18, 2023•12 min•Ep. 356
Follow Alex on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@alexleonlife/ Follow Alex on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexovertheocean/ I was excited to be able to sit down with Alex Leon recently. I've personally followed Alex -- and the other coaches @TheNaturalLifestyles -- for years. They give men solid, actionable advice on pick-up and seduction without the sleaze. In this long-form discussion, Alex and I discuss the process of building an emotional connection, the use of non-verbal cues to co...
Aug 16, 2023•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 358
New relationships are often delicate things: missteps committed at this stage of the courtship process aren't as easily forgiven. In this episode, I'll discuss the most common way that men unintentionally bring promising relationships to a premature conclusion, and how to prevent this happening to you. The key is to understand that uncertainty and insecurity are your allies during the rapprochement stage. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: https:...
Aug 14, 2023•9 min•Ep. 355
It's much harder to make friends as an adult, especially for men. For better or worse, most men in middle age devote half their waking life to work, and the other half to their wife and children. It's not that they don't value friendship; it's that society incentivizes and rewards men for prioritizing other things over these relationships. In today's episode, I discuss a nearly sure-fire way to make a few new friends as an adult in just a couple of months. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook...
Aug 11, 2023•9 min•Ep. 354
Though it may sound ludicrous at first blush, most men in the western world are romantics. To understand why this is the case, we need to clarify the core belief of romanticism that dwells in the heart of hearts of most men, namely: "I can be loved for who I am." For better or worse, this is not the basis of an adult relationship with women. Men need to provide value to secure mating and dating opportunities. This is the red pill in one sentence. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profi...
Aug 07, 2023•9 min•Ep. 353
I often work with highly successful men. These people have achieved everything society tells them they should want, but they often still feel unfulfilled. This is because achievement and fulfillment aren't really the same thing. In today's episode, I discuss a method for creating more meaning in your life by asking yourself a counterintuitive question: "what would I (still) do, if I knew I couldn't succeed?" Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: htt...
Aug 04, 2023•9 min•Ep. 352
The internet is full of information regarding the red flags of dating. Since this knowledge is widely available, why do men still end up in relationships with toxic women? The uncomfortable truth is that -- for a lot men -- it's not so much that they act in spite of the red flags, but that they act because of them. Secure, emotionally-stable, high-functioning men do not tend to end up with train wrecks. Using my own experience, in this episode I speak to how men are complicit in their own undoin...
Jul 31, 2023•10 min•Ep. 351
All men suffer from approach anxiety to some degree. This is because female rejection carries the unconscious threat of extinction. However, it is possible to overcome this anxiety -- though it generally requires actually approaching women. In this episode, I'll discuss how men can benefit from my acting experience and learn to tell the truth under imaginary circumstances. By manipulating the fantasies in your mind, you can learn to be confident in any situation. Social Media Facebook: https://f...
Jul 28, 2023•9 min•Ep. 350
Learn more about Ken at https://solidman.com I enjoyed the opportunity to sit down with my friend and colleague, Ken Curry. Like me, Ken is a male therapist who specializes in men's mental health. He also runs a few virtual men's groups, based on his "Solid Man" process, out of his home state of Colorado (see below). In this conversation, we discuss how to avoid the 10,000 concessions that lead to the abdication of frame in long-term relationships, the pros (and cons) of marriage, and some of th...
Jul 26, 2023•1 hr 17 min•Ep. 357
The general trend in long-term relationships is for the frequency and intensity of sex to decline as a function of time. Why is this the case? It turns out that sex is an extremely complex behavior: it's not just about pleasure and reproduction. One of its primary functions is to facilitate emotional bonding. This is why sex is typically hot and heavy at the beginning of the courtship process, when no bond as yet exists. Creating a stable and secure relationship -- paradoxically -- eliminates on...
Jul 24, 2023•9 min•Ep. 349
If dating is an extended hiring process, then it is typically on the company doing the hiring to cover the expenses incurred during said process. This is why organizations fly out compelling applicants when they are interested in their services. However, since most applicants will not ultimately be offered a position, covering these expenses allows the organization to back out of the process at any moment and for any reason without recourse. This is why men pay on the first date: it affords them...
Jul 21, 2023•8 min•Ep. 348
In no culture that I'm aware of does the woman propose to the man. What this means is that, ultimately, it is the man who invites the woman into his life -- not the other way around. Appreciation of this fact reframes dating as an extended hiring process, in which the man attempts to determine whether the woman possesses the traits, skills, and attributes necessary to discharge the responsibilities associated with the position he has created in his life for her. Social Media Facebook: https://fa...
Jul 17, 2023•10 min•Ep. 347
As a psychologist, I'm often asked the question as to whether people can change. And since people are always in a constant state of change, I take this question to mean: "is radical personality transformation possible?" And my answer is: yes! However, it is typically only possible once people hit bottom. In today's episode, I make the case that my favorite musical, "Les Miserables," is actually a protracted examination of this question. Is Valjean's transformation legitimate, or will he forever ...
Jul 14, 2023•17 min•Ep. 346
Most men have approach anxiety. There are many recent contributors to this anxiety -- such as the fear of being "cancelled" for their attraction -- but the root causes of this fear are much deeper. In today's episode, I make the case that -- on an unconscious level -- female rejection is tantamount to the judgment that a man does not deserve to exist because his genetics don't merit perpetuation. This has caused some men to idealize women to divine proportions in their romantic imagination, as t...
Jul 10, 2023•11 min•Ep. 345
One way or another, men pay to access the opportunity for sex with women. And it is often the case that the more transactional the relationship becomes, the less men actually pay. This is because the value of the time, energy, money, and opportunity spent in less transactional relationships is generally greater than the value of the money spent in more transactional relationships. However, the higher a given woman's attraction, the greater the discount she will generally offer to access the sexu...
Jul 07, 2023•9 min•Ep. 344
The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit...
Jul 03, 2023•9 min•Ep. 343
Men and women love differently. Feminine love is consumptive: it wants as much of you inside of her as possible. However, when it is actually successful in its objective, it grows disinterested in that which it was once fascinated. It falls to men to hold the line against this consumption for the good of both parties, which will require them to occasionally disappoint their women. Those who fail to develop this skill will learn to regret it. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.ph...
Jun 30, 2023•9 min•Ep. 342
On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around. Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 Linked...
Jun 26, 2023•10 min•Ep. 341
A few weeks ago, PsycHacks passed an important milestone in the history of the channel: 100,000 subscribers! In the busyness of everyday life, this moment passed without much fanfare. However, I thought it would be appropriate to really acknowledge the event and appreciate its significance. In today's episode, I talk about some of my experiences behind the scenes and my intentions of the future. Let's keep going! Social Media Facebook: https://facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn...
Jun 23, 2023•13 min•Ep. 340
The divorce rate in the Western world is terrifying. How have we arrived at the point where a marriage is more likely to end in divorce than not? It's a complicated question, but I'd like to offer a contributing factor that is often overlooked, namely: that marriage -- as a fundamentally humble institution -- was not designed to support all of the additional weight it has taken on in recent history. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, your marriage is struggling because "you are not enough people." A...
Jun 20, 2023•10 min•Ep. 336
I don't often talk about the empirical literature on this channel. This is because -- having conducted some research in my time -- I understand how easy it is to lie under the guise of objectivity. Without a thorough grounding in statistics, modeling, and research design, it is next to impossible to evaluate the merit of any given study, and experiments can be custom-tailored to their desired outcomes. Rather than give excessive consideration to what is factually accurate, I'm more concerned wit...
Jun 17, 2023•10 min•Ep. 333
I was thrilled to be able to sit down recently with Rog Ager of Collative Learning (link below). To my mind, Rob is one of the most brilliant film analysts putting out content on the Internet, a feat he accomplishes without being esoteric or pedantic. Over the course of our conversation, we discuss the field of semiotics, the use of archetypical symbols in the work of Stanley Kubrick, and -- one of my favorite topics -- the James Bond series. I hope you enjoy the talk as much as I did. Collative...
Jun 16, 2023•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 338
