One of my general orientations to communication is to never say anything about anyone that you wouldn't feel comfortable saying directly to his or her face. However, there is one exception to this orientation. It's a more advanced strategy, and it's what I'm going to discuss in this episode. Basically, you're allowed to say things about others behind their backs that you wouldn't say to their faces, if what you say is positive. This is such an underutilized social hack that most people won't kno...
Mar 19, 2023•8 min•Ep. 305
Self-sabotage is a fascinating and complex behavior. In general, self-sabotage is a defense strategy that protects the ego's illusory self-regard from having a disconfirming experience with reality. It also provides a sense of safety by both creating limiters on action and offering self-saboteurs some degree of control. As painful as it is to fail, it is even more painful to do so on someone else's terms...potentially after trying your best. Self-sabotage allows people to maintain a certain self...
Mar 16, 2023•7 min•Ep. 304
In today's sponsored video, I tackle the question: "where have all the good men gone?" While you can make the argument that the decline in masculinity may be due in part to genetic influences, I make the case that cultural/social factors are more directly at play. A culture can disappear from the face of the Earth in three generations. If boys continue to be taught -- directly or indirectly -- that their masculinity is a toxic stain, then good men will continue to become scarcer. As a society, w...
Mar 13, 2023•8 min•Ep. 303
If you want to avoid some of the major avoidable pitfalls of being alive, then "produce more than you consume" is a good general orientation to life. In this episode, I begin by applying this principle in some obvious domains (i.e., physical health and financial well-being) before moving on to the topic of content consumption and creative production. Many people are now consuming so much content that they no longer know which thoughts are their own -- or even how to think independently. This is ...
Mar 10, 2023•7 min•Ep. 302
Why is it that your best efforts are often repaid with indifference, rejection, and contempt? This is a complicated phenomenon, but we can view one possible explanation through the lens of the balance of attraction. In turns out that people have preferences with respect both to the position they would rather occupy, and to the size of the gap they would like to experience. Being nice to others puts the other in the place of the adored and increases the gap of attraction. Negativity in response t...
Mar 07, 2023•8 min•Ep. 301
Serial monogamy is a dating strategy that so clearly favors women that I'm consistently surprised when men voluntarily assume it for themselves. The crux of the issue is that it is much easier for the average woman to enter into a new relationship after the end of the old one than it is for the average man. Over time, this leads to significant disparities in experience and opportunity that make it more likely that a woman will end up in a relationship that serves her needs than the other way aro...
Mar 04, 2023•9 min•Ep. 299
There is an inherent asymmetry between wanting and giving: wanting is free, but giving is costly. This is why wanting is such a good interpersonal strategy, and why -- the more successful you become as a man -- the more you should expect more women to want more things from you. However, your time, energy, and money are limited quantities that cannot be doled out on request. So learning to reject women is a skill. In this episode, I discuss some of the beliefs that prevent men from doing this eff...
Mar 01, 2023•10 min•Ep. 300
Many folks believe cannabis to be a relatively harmless drug: it's next to impossible to overdose on it, and it doesn't seem to create physiological dependence. It's not a "hard" drug, like some of the other "bad" ones. However, weed is much more dangerous than most people think. Among other things, it tricks people into thinking that they're using their time well, and it keeps people comfortable in situations they have no business being comfortable in. I discuss more in this episode. Social Med...
Feb 26, 2023•8 min•Ep. 298
Developing an emotional virtue (patience, compassion, forgiveness) is not much different from strengthening a physical muscle. You have to put in the reps with some degree of intentionality. The main difference between the two practices is -- while you go to the physical gym -- the emotional gym comes to you. You do not get to decide when you're in the emotional gym. You only get to choose whether to exercise while you're there. Through this lens, the frustrations, disappointments, and betrayals...
Feb 23, 2023•7 min•Ep. 297
In today's sponsored episode, I respond to a viewer who is asking after the likelihood of successfully turning things around in his marriage after twelve years of "nice guy" behavior. This is a really common problem, and one that comes up again and again in my paid consultations. First, I explain how men tend to find themselves in this predicament to begin with, by discussing the most common male sexual strategy. Then I discuss what to expect if and when you decide to make a change to an establi...
Feb 20, 2023•10 min•Ep. 296
The cheapest and fastest way to improve your motivation as a man is to stop masturbating. While masturbation may relieve men of the frustration they are likely to experience without an appropriate sexual outlet, this very frustration -- if sublimated -- is rocket fuel for success and achievement. This is because the sex drive is an attribute of the libido, or life force. Yoking the consistent intensity of the male sex drive to the prospect of long-term gain provides the focus and motivation to l...
Feb 17, 2023•9 min•Ep. 295
In my model on the balance of attraction, I note that -- since it isn't possible for two people to like each other exactly the same amount -- one person (the adorer) must like the other person more, and one person (the adored) must like the other person less. While these two positions are gender neutral, I make the argument in this episode that it is actually better for women to be in the position of the adorer. This is due to the fact that adorers experience the lion's share of emotionality in ...
Feb 14, 2023•6 min•Ep. 294
The most toxic relationship belief is also -- unfortunately -- one of the most prevalent. It's so simple that you may not even believe me when I reveal it to you. In so many words, it's the belief that, in your relationship, you are free to be yourself. This is not really true, but believing it is can corrode your relationships from the inside out. In reality, relationships are roles, and you jeopardize the privilege of a relationship to the extent that your behavior is at odds with the expectat...
Feb 11, 2023•8 min•Ep. 293
What most people don't understand is that disrespect is a process. The best predictor of overt disrespect is covert disrespect. And this is why it is important to address disrespectful behavior while it is still in its nascent form. Failing to do so will jeopardize your relationship, primarily due to the fact that it is not possible for a woman to love a man she does not respect. I will discuss further in this episode. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and...
Feb 08, 2023•9 min•Ep. 292
Working though a betrayal is extremely difficult. It will likely take considerable time, energy, and expense, and there is no guarantee that it will work. Therefore, it is reasonable to expect at least a decent prognosis before setting out. In this episode, I will discuss the two things needed to heal a betrayal, such that -- if either one of these things is missing -- there's frankly little hope of a successful resolution. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated progra...
Feb 05, 2023•6 min•Ep. 291
People need things from other people. And the medium through which value is exchanged is a relationship. When the value of the proposed exchange is strictly equal, no transaction occurs -- as this would actually be a net loss for both parties. No transaction, no relationship. This suggests that inequality is the basis of relationship, as it is the unequal exchange of value that motivates transaction. I will explain more in this episode. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top...
Feb 02, 2023•7 min•Ep. 290
I'm 40 years-old, and I can count the number of apologies I've received from women over the course of my life on one hand. Surprisingly, this is not due to the fact that I have always interacted with virtuous, high-quality, well-behaving women. For whatever reason, women seem to find it particularly difficult to apologize to men -- and this is really too bad. In this episode, I'll discuss the nature of the difficulty, and why it would be in women's best interests to apologize more often. Thinkin...
Jan 30, 2023•6 min•Ep. 289
This one took me a long time to figure out. You can't have any relationship with anyone. Or, to put it another way, you can't necessarily have the relationship you would like to have with the person you happen to be attracted to. You can only have certain types of relationships with certain types of people. Trying to fit the person to whom you are attracted into the relationship format you prefer is the path of pain. A better idea is to try to fit the relationship to the person. I talk more abou...
Jan 27, 2023•5 min•Ep. 288
People say that relationships take work, but this is only if you choose poorly. Select the right partner and sex, love, and affection will flow to you as effortlessly as water moves downhill. The key to this process is understanding the importance of being a woman's perceived best option. Almost all the issues that men are subject to experiencing in their relationships are rooted in their woman's belief that she could do better. I'll discuss more in this episode. Thinking of going to grad school...
Jan 24, 2023•8 min•Ep. 287
Popular culture has trained people to associate evil with darkness. However, evil rarely presents itself as something hideous, twisted, and dark, and darkness is actually an aspect of divine nature. This conceptualization throws people off track, and leaves them vulnerable to the ensnarements of the negative force. In this episode, I will discuss how this misunderstanding likely came to pass, and how to keep yourself safe through more accurate discernment. Thinking of going to grad school? Check...
Jan 21, 2023•6 min•Ep. 286
Some of you might be wondering why I talk so much about sex and money on this channel. After all, isn't this a psychology podcast? And aren't these relatively superficial considerations? What do these topics have to do with mental health? Well, it turns out that they have a lot to do with well-being. In this episode, I provide two answers to these reasonable questions. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test pr...
Jan 19, 2023•6 min•Ep. 285
The world is full of people. If you can forge a genuine emotional connection with others, then that world will an exciting place full of potential friends, partners, and lovers. The key to making a connection with anyone is empathy. However, most people don't really understand what this means. In this episode, I will discuss what empathy really is using a concrete example, and how this principle might be applied in real world situations. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my to...
Jan 17, 2023•6 min•Ep. 284
Kindness is actually a fairly complicated construct. It is not synonymous with being nice. Being nice isn't always kind, and being kind isn't always nice. The issue is that there are two faces of kindness, and one without the other is pathological. In this episode, I use concrete examples to demonstrate how kindness without loving honesty is typically a form of enabling that does more harm than good. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only e...
Jan 15, 2023•6 min•Ep. 283
In turns out that both men and women are capable of loyalty, though each group tends to remain loyal to different things. Whereas men are typically loyal to their duties, women are typically loyal to their feelings. It is what it is. Accepting this reality can help men and women have more harmonious and rewarding relationships with each other. Each other holds out a growth opportunity for the other, which I will discuss at the end of the episode. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELL...
Jan 13, 2023•7 min•Ep. 282
In this episode, I discuss my simplified framework of human motivation: cats and cheese. Cheese is an anticipated reward associated with pleasure or fulfillment that we approach; cats are anticipated punishments associated with pain or loss that we avoid. If you understand the relative intensity and distribution of the cats and cheese in a person's perception, then you can actually predict their behavior fairly accurately at any given moment in time. Further consequences of this understanding ar...
Jan 11, 2023•6 min•Ep. 281
From a woman's perspective, a man's emphasis on her sexual history may be somewhat baffling. After all: that was then, and this is now. What does what I did before we met have anything to do with our current relationship? A lot, it turns out. In this episode, I will help women understand why men tend to place so much importance on women's previous sexual behavior with other men. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated G...
Jan 09, 2023•7 min•Ep. 280
Being the target of malicious gossip can be difficult. I've learned this the hard way. If it happens to you, it's important to not make things more difficult for yourself than they already are. In this episode, I'll discuss three tips to navigate this situation more effectively. They're not easy pills to swallow, but they can help you find some measure of peace in a difficult circumstance. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep s...
Jan 07, 2023•6 min•Ep. 279
Contentment is the practice of turning toward the present moment and accepting it as sufficient. However, when I teach this to folks, the most common objection I hear is: "But, Orion, my present moment isn't sufficient. That's the problem! There are things that I want that I don't yet have." Fair enough. That said, I believe that the practice of contentment is perfectly compatible with goal-directed action. I'll explain how in this episode. Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, th...
Jan 05, 2023•5 min•Ep. 278
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans. In my previous episode, I discussed the importance of side hustles. In this episode, I'm going to tell the story of one of my businesses, a test prep company called StellarGRE. In the span of ten years, I went from living in public housing and putting up flyers to earning six-figures in my spare time. This was the first stage in ...
Jan 03, 2023•6 min•Ep. 277
Most people give the best hours of most of the days of the best years of their lives to their jobs, and then content themselves with the crumbs left at their own tables. To reclaim your life, you must reclaim your time, and this ultimately depends on divorcing your time from your income. The first step in this process is developing multiple income streams, and you can start with a side hustle. In this episode, I give practical, actionable advice on how to get started. #hustle #money #success...
Jan 03, 2023•5 min•Ep. 276
