Oscar Wilde once wrote: “Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” In this second installment of a two-part series, I discuss the truth of this statement's second claim. Sexual selection is one the most reliable methods of determining men's relative power rankings. Furthermore, most sexual fantasies typically revolve around the use (and abuse) of power, which would be strange if sex were really just about the pleasure of the experience. By considering pornography to be a kind of ...
Jul 25, 2025•9 min•Ep. 549
I've never understood the use of the term “incel” – or “involuntarily celibate” – as an insult. After all, if a man wants to have sex with a woman who doesn't, then – at least, in the context of this relationship – either the man is going to be involuntarily celibate or the woman is going to be involuntarily sexual. And while we do not need to celebrate those who obey the dicta of civil society and human dignity, I would argue that it is very stupid to denigrate those who choose to do so. The bi...
Jul 21, 2025•11 min•Ep. 548
Oscar Wilde once wrote: “Everything is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.” In this first installment of a two-part series, I discuss the truth of this statement's first claim. Especially when it comes to men, I contend that almost everything really is about sex. The sublimation of the sexual impulse into prosocial ends is what makes it possible for men to do the difficult, dangerous, and uncomfortable tasks demanded of civilization. For better or worse, productive output is largely based...
Jul 18, 2025•9 min•Ep. 547
Male sexuality is often misunderstood. In this first in a series of episodes on the topic, I discuss one of the reasons why men lose interest in sex: familiarity. When people live in family-like conditions for many years, they develop a sexual indifference (or aversion) to each other in order to prevent inbreeding. This is known as the Westermarck Effect, and it can help explain why closeness kills attraction. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Othe...
Jul 14, 2025•10 min•Ep. 546
When it comes to relationships, women don't actually compete with other women for men's attention. Ultimately, her only competition is his solitude: the degree to which he enjoys his own company. Some men are so self-loathing that they will endure even disrespect or abuse, if the relationship succeeds in taking them away from themselves. This is why men end up in bad relationships. On the other hand, those who value their solitude maintain much higher standards when it comes to interacting with ...
Jul 11, 2025•9 min•Ep. 545
In this much requested episode, I discuss some of the evidence-supported differences in male cheating and female cheating. Among other things, these behaviors tend to differ with respect to relationship satisfaction, motivation, and dimensionality. By examining what makes them different, we can consider some of the divergent ends to which men and women form – and maintain – their relationships. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https...
Jul 07, 2025•10 min•Ep. 544
I've spoken with a number of fathers who have become estranged from their children as a consequence of the family court system and their exes' manipulative behavior. Dealing with parental alienation is a painful experience with few actionable solutions. In this episode, I share a technique that men can enact to combat this situation: the evidence box. This should help estranged fathers maintain a connection with their kids long-term. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my ...
Jul 04, 2025•11 min•Ep. 543
My recent Soft White Underbelly talk on what women want received a fair bit of criticism. How could I – a man – possibly know what it feels like to be a woman? Shouldn't we let women speak for themselves? In this episode, I respond to the argument at face value and explain how it is that I know what women want. Though it might sound callous, their feelings don't matter. The most reliable means of establishing what women – or anyone – wants is by observing their behavior with respect to limited r...
Jun 30, 2025•13 min•Ep. 542
The problem with dating today is that people want too much. “All I want...” is a prelude to an unsatisfiable laundry list of partner criteria. This keeps people single and prevents them from appreciating their relationships. I argue that this stance is either due to willful delusion about the sexual marketplace or a kind of perfectionism that masks relationship anxiety. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460uGrA Audiob...
Jun 27, 2025•10 min•Ep. 541
In considering the long-term relationships I've observed that have done the distance, I've noticed two commonalities. The folks who end up staying together either stop short or go long. Using an extended metaphor, I explain what this means for the sexual marketplace, and why many people meet with suboptimal outcomes. These two approaches seem to be the two paths to a relationship. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460...
Jun 23, 2025•15 min•Ep. 540
The sooner you realize that no one is coming to save you, the sooner you will get busy addressing the pain and dysfunction in your life. Take radical responsibility, starting with the assumption that everything that happens to you – for good or bad – is your fault. Since you hold the ability to respond to the conditions you find yourself in, then it must be true that you are the one you are waiting for. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebo...
Jun 20, 2025•12 min•Ep. 539
The general attitude toward unmarried men is that they are selfish, short-sighted, man-children who forgo real growth and fulfillment in favor of satisfying their own desires. As a consequence, the irresponsible man should submit to social institutions – like marriage – that correct their baser natures. In this episode, I offer my best counterargument to the case against unmarried men and expose the flaws in this reasoning. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The...
Jun 16, 2025•10 min•Ep. 538
If you don't believe in yourself, it won't matter if everyone else in the world does. And if you do believe in yourself, it won't matter if everyone else in the world doesn't. In today's episode, I illustrate this principle using a particularly satisfying example from my own life. Along the way, I explain why women are mean to men who like them. If I did it, you can too. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn.to/460uGrA Audio...
Jun 13, 2025•13 min•Ep. 537
Following up on my recent interview with Sadia Khan on Soft White Underbelly, I justify my belief that modern women are more delusional than men when it comes to dating and relationships. I discuss the narratives and attitudes that have contributed to the expectation that ordinary women can – and should – hold out for extraordinary men. In understanding female entitlement, both sexes can better avoid the trap presented by delusional women. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co B...
Jun 09, 2025•12 min•Ep. 536
If marriage transforms wild mustangs into plow horses, why do we find so many men in harness? The answer is that some men need marriage, and they need it in much the same way that some men need the Army. If men cannot construct internally extrapolated structures to serve as a framework for their lives, they will need to submit to externally imposed ones. However, just like the Army isn't the only way to be all that you can be, marriage isn't the only pathway to develop the virtues ascribed to it...
Jun 06, 2025•13 min•Ep. 535
Over the years, I've spoken with many men who were at a loss to explain how their marriages became unsatisfying cages. However, it we optimize for men's traditional marriage commitments – protection, provision, and sexual exclusivity – we arrive at the plow horse as the logical conclusion. The harnessing of male productivity to female ends is not a flaw, but a feature: the intended design of marriage. In this episode, I explore how marriage uses men. Join my community: https://the-captains-quart...
Jun 02, 2025•12 min•Ep. 534
Many self-help gurus extol the benefits of living in the present moment. However, simply living in the here and now will not solve your issues – at least, not immediately. Tuning into the present is like finally cleaning out the dirty garage you've been avoiding for years: it will be an unpleasant and effortful chore. Appreciating the problem of now helps us make sense of why so few people take advantage of this free and available intervention. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn...
May 30, 2025•11 min•Ep. 533
Like kamikaze pilots, most men living today have been brainwashed by their culture into believing that their lives derive value when they are sacrificed in the service of women. While women are instructed in their own inherent worth, men are taught that their value is created in the act of their own self-destruction. Both literally and figuratively, men are expected to die when others deem it necessary. This programming has produced the disposable man and the inescapable social fact that – despi...
May 26, 2025•18 min•Ep. 531
Many folks have asked me to give an example of a successful marriage from popular culture as a kind of model for relationship best practices. After considering the matter, I'm prepared to offer one: Gomez and Morticia Addams. These two exemplify the principle of custom-tailoring the relationship to the specific needs of the individuals involved. They also love to play with each other, which keeps the passion in their relationship alive. It may not be an ideal marriage for everyone, but it helps ...
May 23, 2025•12 min•Ep. 532
If alpha males are supposed to be the most competent and successful men, then why do find so many beta males at the top of status hierarchies these days? How has strong male leadership become so rare? In this episode, I propose that the rise of the beta is merely a step in an uncompleted process in which women come into power. Using an example from the TV show “Survivor,” I explain why men today are so feminine: they are easier to emotionally manipulate and to beat in direct competition. Join my...
May 19, 2025•17 min•Ep. 529
Whether in the boardroom or the bedroom, many negotiations are compromised when a man doesn't know when to shut up. Once the other party has made a decision, there is literally nothing more you can say to talk them into it – and a lot you can say to talk them out of it. Inexperienced men with low self-confidence are the worst culprits here. It's important to learn how to take the money. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: https://amzn....
May 16, 2025•15 min•Ep. 530
The question as to what women want has long plagued men as an unsolved (or unsolvable) riddle. However, the answer to the question is deceptively simple: women want what other women want. Through a kind of flocking instinct, women constantly observe other women in order to deduce where the fattest part of any behavioral curve is currently located, as this is where the greatest safety resides. So by observing what other women are doing in the modern day, we can – in turn – deduce what those women...
May 12, 2025•16 min•Ep. 528
In today's day and age, it seems as though every woman has a narcissistic ex – which is surprising given the fact that folks with NPD are estimated to comprise 2% of the population. Given the fact that any relationship in which women give more than they receive could be considered exploitative – and that the adored always receive more than they give – any relationship in which women were the adorers could retroactively be considered exploitative. However, from a clinical perspective, there is a ...
May 05, 2025•14 min•Ep. 527
The appreciation gap is the difference between the amount of recognition and acknowledgment people feel due from their partners and the amount of recognition and acknowledgment people actually receive from their partners. Negative appreciation gaps are directly responsible for the dissolution of millions of relationships every year. In this episode, I discuss simple strategies to prevent the formation of negative gaps and end with a counterintuitive suggestion on how to stop men from cheating. J...
Apr 28, 2025•17 min•Ep. 526
While women are functionally omnipresent, there are really only four ways to meet women in today's day and age. These are the four pathways – dating apps, cold approach, social circle, and social media – and there are pros and cons to each. In general, the fastest and easiest pathways are characterized by the lowest rates of success, while the slowest and most difficult pathways are graced with better odds. For better or worse, this is how to meet women in the modern age. Join my community: http...
Apr 21, 2025•18 min•Ep. 525
If it is better for most relationships for the man to control the frame, why do women hold more power in the vast majority of relationships? While the abnegation of frame occurs at the onset of some relationships as a sexual strategy, in most cases power is slowly ceded over time through a series of small concessions. This starts to occur once a certain fear takes hold of the man, which is an emotional event I call “the beginning of the end.” This is how men lose power in relationships. Join my ...
Apr 14, 2025•16 min•Ep. 524
I've occasionally been asked to offer a psychological explanation for why certain powerful or charismatic personalities have apparently been able to seduce the hearts and minds of young men. I contend that this phenomenon has a lot to do with the disappearance of male space and the need for belongingness that these communities satisfy. Who speaks for men? If it is considered inappropriate to support men, then don't be surprised if only inappropriate men do so. Join my community: https://the-capt...
Apr 07, 2025•13 min•Ep. 523
The past fifty years have amassed a good deal of evidence in support of attachment theory. Unfortunately, this has led to the overapplication of these ideas in the popular imagination, including the notions that attachment style is permanent or must be accommodated in relationship. In point of fact, attachment can change. Understanding how it changes is the key to overcoming relational insecurity. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: ht...
Mar 31, 2025•13 min•Ep. 522
Just like certain plants won't grow in certain soils, happiness will not survive in a mind full of judgment and negativity. While people are free to think whatever they want, they are not free to feel however they want as a consequence of what they choose to think. This is why not everyone can be happy. Understand that your thoughts create your reality and you're already on your way to cultivating preferred feeling states. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The ...
Mar 24, 2025•12 min•Ep. 521
Of the course of my career, I've conducted many consultations with men who have resigned themselves to toxic or abusive marriages. Though miserable, these men believe that staying for the kids will prevent even more negative outcomes for everyone involved. In today's episode, I will be responding to the arguments of these men. Ultimately, they must decide what they hope their children will do if they ever find themselves in the same situation. Join my community: https://the-captains-quarters.mn....
Mar 17, 2025•13 min•Ep. 520
