Non-monogamy comes in as many forms as there are people imagining outside the norm. Imagination is the tool we use to dream the dream forward to what's next. When you follow your imagination that way you gain a better understanding of yourself. Relationships that focus on growth don't have to be non-monogamous, but non-monogamy creates tons of opportunities to make your unconscious *stuff* conscious. It will also likely challenge you to face your relational wounds and fears. This might s...
Jun 10, 2023•32 min•Season 7Ep. 114
How do you handle wigging out, feeling like a mess, or in technical terms getting dysregulated? Well, we rely on tools we learned from applied neurologist Elisabeth Kristof, and now you can hear about them directly from her! Learning how to work with your unique nervous system is like getting the cheat code to be more present in your life, have access to pleasure, and be more of who you want to be even when stuff gets tough. You're going to want to know how to work with Elisabeth, and she...
Jun 03, 2023•1 hr•Season 7Ep. 113
Swinging, sex clubs, bdsm, lifestyle - if you're into stories about these things, this episode is for you. Ashley Weller from the What's Your Position podcast joins us to share her experiences with and perspectives on sex, Check out Ashley's Instagram, @whatsyourpositionpodcast! And listen to the podcast ! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com...
May 27, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Season 7Ep. 112
Relationships require so many different skills. Do you ever struggle to process an argument, or to identify what you really want and need? Dedeker, Emily, and Jase, the hosts of the Multiamory podcast and authors of the book Multiamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships, talk with us about relationship tools that work for ALL relationship structures. This is a must-listen whether you are non-monogamous, monogamous, or just want to upgrade your communication skills for every area of your l...
May 20, 2023•55 min•Season 7Ep. 111
Struggling with intimacy but you've already tried *everything*? Not sure what could possibly help? Surrogate partner therapy is amazing and we want you to know more about it! Brian Gibney, a Surrogate Partner Therapist talks with us about how he and other SPTs help people build trust and communication that allows them to experience physical touch with safety and connection. For more information about Surrogate Partner Therapy and Brian Gibney go to BrianGibney.org, Resources mentioned in the...
May 13, 2023•1 hr 6 min•Season 7Ep. 110
Did you jump into the open waters and find the water kinda choppy? Totally normal, we're sharing: -How the scientific method can help you do this all with less pain (really!) -Why you are struggling with managing change -What do you need to consider about starter boundaries for opening There are a lot of changes to navigate, but you don't have to figure it all out by yourself. We're outlining how we recommend navigating the change, strategically avoiding pitfalls by taking a tested a...
May 06, 2023•40 min•Season 7Ep. 110
What if you could get to know your power intimately, and so get to know your whole self? What if you could use your story to have the life, pleasure, and relationships you want? Check out our chat with the incomparable Mollena Williams-Haas, Kink Doula, writer, performer, and podcast host. Listen to her share some of her story of power exchange and authenticity with you. Click here for the Kink Doula - Sign up for Mollena's mailing list - there's a free class available when you sign up. ...
Apr 29, 2023•51 min•Season 7Ep. 108
Jung has this great quote “Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.” The shadow of love is power in Jung's estimation. I look around the world and that sure seems true on a grand scale. And in our daily life, I think we *mean* to center love rather than power in our close relationships...but in reality, most of us struggle with power. We struggle to accept that we want unnegotiated power (entitlement) or W...
Apr 17, 2023•51 min•Season 7Ep. 107
It's no secret that we started our relationship in a bad place. Together, we worked and learned our way from a painful, confused state to a conscious, growth-oriented, and gentle love. We transformed that messy, painful relationship by taking a page (several thousand pages, actually) from the world of kink. Kinksters regularly talk about power exchange--we think everyone should. Every single day Joli hears from people who don't recognize that unnegotiated power dynamics are creating suff...
Apr 08, 2023•47 min•Ep. 106
If your monsters could help you live more of the life you want to live, would you get to know them, and invite them in? What about sharing them with a trusted partner in a thoughtful, conscious process? Ken did, and it made him cry, right here in the podcast - tears of relief for the possibility of realizing potential. We're talking about letting in our darker parts, and how much our lives can expand when we do. Do your monsters sometimes stage a take-over, hurting you and others? It happens, an...
Apr 01, 2023•44 min•Season 7Ep. 105
Having a plan for when your partner goes on a date makes it way more likely that you will both have a positive relationship experience, no matter how the date itself goes. What goes into our plans? We've got three categories and lots of examples of things that help us and have proven to help Joli's clients handle the big emotions of date nights, so dig in! Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Looking for the Neuro-Somatic Intelligence tools we tal...
Mar 25, 2023•48 min•Season 7Ep. 104
Bringing up non-monogamy can be a shock to your partner's system. But if you never bring it up, you'll never even know what's possible for you. Here's how you can plan for success and make this potentially shocking conversation an opportunity to upgrade your relational skills. Resources from this episode: The conversation guide: www.jolihamilton.com/easy Our video with tools for nervous system regulation: Neuro-Somatic Intelligence ™ for Navigating Change Are you ready to open yo...
Mar 11, 2023•37 min•Season 7Ep. 103
Libby Sinback, from Making Polyamory Work joins Joli for a conversation about one of the BEST parts of shifting from monogamy to non-monogamy: community that supports your authentic self. More connection is why so many of us practice non-monogamy, but it's not always clear how to actually make the community we long for. Listen as we provide both inspiration and practical advice on how to find, create, and enjoy non-monogamous community! Learn more about Libby at https://libbysinback.com/ Hear mo...
Mar 04, 2023•1 hr 15 min•Season 7Ep. 102
Is polyamory something innate in you, like an orientation? Is it a practice? A philosophy? A mindset? An identity? A choice? Being able to describe your approach to polyamory makes it easier to connect with others, build community, and choose partners from a place of enthusiastic, informed consent. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com
Feb 25, 2023•52 min•Season 7Ep. 101
It's our 100th episode of Playing with Fire! This podcast was intended to be 13 episodes to cover each chapter of Joli's first book... and here we are with 100 episodes in and feeling more excited about this shared project than we ever dreamed. Every relationship benefits from a shared purpose (see episode 65), but so often, the shared project defaults to householding and/or kids. Proactively creating shared purpose beyond the banal is an option. For us, it's been a magnificent addit...
Feb 18, 2023•39 min•Season 7Ep. 100
It's normal to want your relationship to feel secure. It's normal to want to individuate. It's normal to want to explore what life can look like beyond the constraints of default monogamy. But how do you actually deal with your specific attachment wounds and still create a love that makes space for multiple loving connections? Joli & Jessica dove into how attachment theory can help us make a relationship that actually works for us, but we went beyond the surface of attachment the...
Feb 11, 2023•54 min
Joli here- how many times have you heard one of these gems? You're a lot. You're intimidating. You're an energizer bunny. You're hyper-productive. You must never rest. You're just too much. Tell me, who are you comparing me to when you make this pronouncement? Ken sat down to talk out one of my core wounded parts, the girl who gets told she's intimidating in every way. It was good medicine for me, and I hope listening in offers the same to you. If you've been told you...
Feb 04, 2023•36 min•Season 7Ep. 98
Does the thought of your partner being with someone else make you...hot as hell? You aren't alone. Though jealousy is often thought of as the LAST thing anyone would want in their life, that's not the only way it goes. In Joli's phenomenological research, 30% of participants reported sexual, juicy responses when they felt jealous. Turning the standard jealousy narrative on its head is a delicious opportunity- and in this very personal episode, we're talking about how working with...
Jan 28, 2023•40 min
Seeking open relationship bliss? Great. Us too. And all my clients. You're not alone. Every week I hear from at least a few people who want to know if they should try to open right from the start or whether they need to solidify their couplehood first. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion, and I hear a ton of FEAR that if you get this *wrong*, you're relationship is going to be so.much.harder. This episode hits a lot of non-monogamy hot-buttons, so get ready to consider things from mu...
Jan 21, 2023•40 min•Season 7Ep. 96
Creating the relationship you really want begins with the ENVISIONING process. Plus, it's really easy to find yourself in relationships that don't fit right (but do feel familiar) unless you actively participate in the relationship envisioning process. This conversation is like being a fly on the wall of our relationship- Ken's sharing how he wound up in a marriage that was completely the opposite of what his soul truly longed for, and Joli's got some tips for how to get started ...
Jan 14, 2023•50 min•Season 7Ep. 95
I (Joli) love romantic friendships. Ones that have a deeply intimate quality and the capacity to have honest conversations about boundaries and relationship agreements. Ones that feel soft, warm, and connected. But romantic friendships scare some people- it makes sense because they are one way we can live beyond the boxes of patriarchal convention. Developing romantic friendships takes intentionality and creativity... and it's totally worth it! There are two big takeaways at the end that wil...
Jan 07, 2023•45 min•Season 7Ep. 94
This week we are sharing our most popular episode ever- this one is a not-to-miss! Relationship agreements might sound dry but the process of co-creating relationship bliss is NOT dry in the least. This episode is part explanation, part demonstration of how we review and negotiate the living document that is our relationship agreement. We found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need to address--No relationship escapes being a work in progress, including ours. Are you ready to open up...
Dec 31, 2022•31 min•Season 93Ep. 7
Relationships are where we seek security, so making changes can feel particularly scary or overwhelming. Don't let this fear stop you from creating the custom-built relationship you really want! This episode is all about how you can shift your experience of opening up from fearful to hopeful starting today. How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!
Dec 24, 2022•31 min•Season 7Ep. 92
"Why are you doing it like that?" Whether your criticism is about something as mundane as loading the dishwasher or as complex as managing new relationship energy, poorly timed, unsolicited criticism doesn't actually get us the connection we're longing for. Dr. Jessica Higgins joins us this week to offer clarity on what criticism is really telling us and what we can do to shift our feedback patterns. Watch this episode on YouTube Did you love Dr. Jessica's style? Check out ...
Dec 17, 2022•1 hr 4 min
Want a more expansive, custom-designed life? You need to take some risks and make changes. BUT--before you go committing to permanent change, learn exactly how to use one of Joli's most-trusted tools for minimizing risk while making exciting changes in your relationships. Watch this episode on YouTube How ready are you--right now-- to open your marriage? Take this 2 minute quiz and see!...
Dec 10, 2022•25 min•Season 7Ep. 90
Relationships get stronger and healthier when you talk about them with your partners. For that you're going to need shared language and meaning, Learning the jargon of relationship styles is so helpful! So, here's how we think about relationship labels---open relationship, kitchen table polyamory, relationship anarchy, and lots more. As mentioned in the episode, for more information on relationship anarchy, read Andie Nordgren’s Relationship Anarchy Manifesto Watch this episode on YouTub...
Dec 03, 2022•1 hr 26 min•Season 7Ep. 89
Do you wish desire just magically ramped up without any effort? It certainly does sometimes, but most of the time desire flows better because we actively FUEL desire. This week we're talking about the things that block your access to desire and what to do about those blocks. Desire does not have to be elusive, so if you struggle here rest assured it is 100% normal to need to learn the skills of building desire in yourself and in your relationships. Watch this episode on YouTube Link to the r...
Nov 26, 2022•56 min•Season 7Ep. 88
Sure, it sounds fun, but is polyamory actually practical? And what if you have kids-- it's already tough to find time-- how can this work? What about STIs? Unplanned pregnancy? Or what if we find out we aren't a good fit anymore? When these big questions loom its helpful to hear from people who've been there, done, got the t-shirt. If you're new to polyamory this interview is especially well-suited for you! Laura Boyle, the author of Ready for Polyamory joins us to talk about how...
Nov 19, 2022•59 min
Conventional wisdom tells us marriage is all about compromise and we are not here for it. Honestly, conventional wisdom will, at best get you a conventional relationship... and if you are here you want way more than that kind of life. Let's talk about what compromise does to your individuation path, where compromise is appropriate, and how to choose an uncompromising intimacy with love and compassion. Watch this episode on YouTube Are you ready to have an unconventional love? Take this 2 min...
Nov 12, 2022•46 min•Season 7Ep. 86
"I want to feel less jealousy and more compersion- HELP!" There's no one in the world who can speak to this topic like Dr. Marie Thouin, so we were thrilled to have this conversation with her. Compersion is the feeling of joy for another's joy, and it's often seen as the opposite of jealousy. Every week I hear people wrestling with jealousy and trying to move toward compersion, but what is compersion beyond that short definition? What conditions help us feel compersion and ...
Nov 05, 2022•56 min•Season 7Ep. 85
