It's totally normal to be moody, triggered, and reactive but it takes a TOLL on your relationships if you don't know how to get back out of those states. You perceive the world---and all your relationships---through your nervous system. Sensory information comes in and your brain interprets it. So it makes sense that learning how to regulate your nervous system is a key part of making your relationship feel safe and satisfying . This has all felt like a great idea for a long time but lea...
Oct 22, 2022•44 min•Season 7Ep. 84
Do you experience jealousy as overwhelming, painful, or disruptive? How about envy? Yeah- most people agree, there's more pain than fun packed into these feelings. But, like other big emotions, jealousy and envy have are rich with gold you for your individuation journey. The trick is to begin seeing these green-eyed monsters for their archetypal content rather than as something to solve. Jealousy and envy won't necessarily become your favorite emotional experiences, but they can absolute...
Oct 15, 2022•1 hr
Do you want to grow into the most authentic version of your Self that you can be? The good news is that you get to choose that, and all you need is within reach right now. Typically, individuation is seen as a solo activity, a deep inner journey that often comes with an image of the hermit. But we've found that relational individuation is another VERY fruitful option. This week we are talking about what steps you can take to engage fully in your journey whether your life partner/s is/are int...
Oct 08, 2022•59 min•Season 7Ep. 82
Do you want to explore non-monogamy? Are you curious about how conscious relationships can take you to new levels of growth in your psychological individuation? In Playing With Fire, which grew out of the Project Relationship podcast, Joli and Ken co-host weekly intimate conversations from the inside of a non-monogamous, individuation-oriented marriage. We’re sharing tools and strategies for making your relationship into one that helps you feel seen, known, and supported as you become the most Y...
Oct 01, 2022•33 min•Season 7Ep. 81
Are your relationships messy? That's more than OK - learning more about your particular relationship mess by learning about others can save you a lot of time and pain. So we talked with Kate Loree, LMFT, a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. She's the author of Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships, and together she and Joli share their thoughts about their ...
Aug 28, 2022•1 hr 7 min•Season 6Ep. 80
Burnout sucks, and it's everywhere. We talk with Jim Young, The Centered Coach, about his book Expansive Intimacy and about intimacy as the opposite of burnout. His book will be available this fall (2022). Check out Jim's website at www.thecenteredcoach.com . Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Joli...
Aug 21, 2022•1 hr 4 min
Visiting a pleasure-centered shop can be an inspiring and exciting experience for singles, couples, and moresomes. Beth Hankes from Earth and Salt shares how and why she decided to open her shop, and why it's so important for it to be an accessible, informative, supportive place. Beth Hankes (she/her) is the Founder and CEO of Earth and Salt, and a sex education certificate student at the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment. She has a BA in Art History and Studio Art from Mou...
Aug 14, 2022•59 min•Season 6Ep. 78
Tired of *trying* to find the person you want? There's a faster path and it is completely within your reach. Everyone has the capacity to deepen their intimacy with Self and when you do, you'll find that others respond. Stop trying to be someone for someone else and BE YOU. Joli talks with the incomparable Allana Pratt about the pains and perils of trying to date without doing your personal work. BONUS: this episode opens up with a conversation between Joli & Ken. We are getting supe...
Aug 07, 2022•1 hr 8 min•Season 6Ep. 77
Am I pure enough? Am I a good _______? Fill in the blank - what were you raised to be, how were you indoctrinated? Do you still agree with it? How do you wish you could move past it? Lauren Elise Barnes is a certified holistic s*x educator who spent a decade in the maternal health industry. She talks with us about creative monogamy, non-monogamy, and surviving purity culture. Learn more about Lauren here: https://sexedforyou.com/ Watch the YouTube version of this episode You can view the transcr...
Jul 24, 2022•1 hr 11 min•Season 6Ep. 75
How do you experience your differences with your partner? Do you feel discomfort, or conflict, or maybe you feel isolated and abandoned? Do you work to mask those differences by trying to meld together, or by acting like someone you're not? Let's talk about how our experience of those differences can help us grow in ourselves and in our relationships Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Jo...
Jul 17, 2022•38 min•Season 6Ep. 74
Want designer relationships? Want to show up as more of yourself and less of what others might expect, and help your partners do the same? Let's talk about some conversations, actions, and self-reflection that will help us get there. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com You can see the transcript on Joli's blog, a word from Joli Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube...
Jul 10, 2022•35 min•Season 6Ep. 73
Going to a strip club is a great way to expand your erotic life but we have heard from tons of couples who feel a little nervous about it. Even if you've gone before, going as a couple might feel different. In this episode we talk with Elle Stanger, a s*x wrker (yes, we have to get creative with spellings around the internet these days) and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator about strip club etiquette, treating erotic labor as work, and how to be a decent person in relation with sex workers...
Jul 03, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 6Ep. 72
Accountable and reliable- this is what you want from a life partner. But, life moves fast. What happens when you can't keep your word? Or when you change your mind about something that matters to your partner? One of the things about having a completely unscripted podcast is you get to hear us work through our process live- no edits. In this episode, we talk about what happens in our relationship when one of us says we'll do something and then life happens and things change. Joli had a m...
Jun 26, 2022•34 min•Season 6Ep. 71
We talk with Megan Bhatia from the Amory podcast about our different polyamory journeys, our experiences with family as polyamorous people, and parenting outside the monogamous paradigm. You can view the transcript here Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get t...
Jun 19, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 6Ep. 70
Ready to take your relationships to new levels of growth and satisfaction? In a community of like-minded, growth oriented people with similar goals? Led by a highly trained expert and her experienced partner? Listen to Episode 69 where we share some of our thoughts and experiences about opening relationships, and offer an exciting new opportunity to join a group coaching program designed to help you open your relationship the smart way. Start by taking the quiz to find out how ready you are to o...
Jun 12, 2022•32 min•Season 6Ep. 69
Join us for the first episode of Season 6! We talk with Elisabeth Kristof of Brain Based Wellness about training your nervous system, and how you can use those skills to improve your relationships. Elisabeth is not only a certified applied neurology coach but also one of Joli's most treasured trauma-informed colleagues. Click here for a free video series to relieve stress, resolve anxiety and eliminate unwanted behavior! BONUS: Elisabeth and Joli created a one-of-a-kind workshop called Jealo...
Jun 05, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Season 6Ep. 68
Are you kinky? Nobody but you can answer that question, and nobody but you can decide what it means. There's no board of kink that issues certificates, no licensing board that decides what you can and can't do based on your "kink" status. In this episode we talk about ways you can explore this question for yourself. And some of the things to think about along the way - practical, psychological, and relational. Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy t...
Apr 24, 2022•33 min•Season 5Ep. 67
How did we get where we are? What stories do we tell each other (and ourselves) about the decisions that got us here? In this episode we dig into how the way we remember and tell our stories affects the way we view our relationships, and our partners. Here's the graphic on cognitive bias I mentioned. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really wan...
Apr 17, 2022•35 min•Season 5Ep. 66
How satisfied are we in our relationships? How satisfied can we be? How do we decide? When we make explicit agreements with our partners, we can start to see clearly how well our relationships serve us. The more we know about our values and our partners' values, the easier it is to make effective explicit agreements, which is what this episode is about. We share experiences with our relationship agreements, and talk about some of the tools we use to help us craft them. Here is the exercise a...
Apr 10, 2022•40 min•Season 5Ep. 65
How do we navigate those times in our relationships when trust has been violated? How can we respond in ways that increase the chance of reconnection? Are there ways to avoid situations that cause trust troubles? In this episode we talk about some of our experiences building and rebuilding trust, and share some strategies for navigating trust issues. Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. G...
Apr 03, 2022•46 min•Season 5Ep. 64
Have you noticed any patterns in your relationship that play out over and over again? Are there things you do, ways you behave, that leave you in the same ouchy situation every time, but you still keep doing them? Well, that happens to us, and in this episode we talk about how those patterns show up and play out for us, and we share some strategies for interrupting those patterns. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for eas...
Mar 27, 2022•28 min•Season 5Ep. 63
How do you feel when you get an apology? How about when you offer one? When we hurt each other, how we handle it can strengthen or weaken our relationship, with each other and with ourselves. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on a...
Mar 20, 2022•33 min•Season 5Ep. 62
Have you ever had life throw something spectacular at you that inspired (or required) you to grow and change? That can happen, surprising us out of the blue. It can also be something we plan into our lives. In this episode we talk about how we can do that, choosing to use our relationship as the workshop for becoming more ourselves. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you c...
Mar 13, 2022•27 min•Season 5Ep. 61
Long term fun? Sign me up! In this episode we talk about generating fun in the context of a relationship. We share some ideas about what could be fun, some thoughts about things that get in the way, and how we can learn from that and bring ourselves more satisfaction. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship ...
Mar 06, 2022•43 min•Season 5Ep. 60
What do you do when you have the hots for someone unavailable? In this episode we talk about ways to approach the feelings that come up with unrequited attraction. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on all of Joli's work be sur...
Mar 01, 2022•31 min•Season 5Ep. 59
Can anxiety can be an opportunity? Consensual non-monogamy is not simple, and it can lead to anxiety. In this episode we talk about how that anxiety can be an opportunity and a guide to learn more about ourselves and our relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work ...
Feb 20, 2022•42 min•Season 5Ep. 58
What if we want to show affection without being sexual? In this episode we talk about some of our experiences with difficulties that can come up around expressing and engaging in intimacy outside sexual relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you wa...
Feb 13, 2022•24 min•Season 5Ep. 57
It sounds kind of weird, but monogamy isn’t necessarily the opposite of non-monogamy. In this episode we talk about how we decide what the boundaries of our relationships are, and share some ideas about how we can stretch our imaginations to bring more of what we want into those relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the ...
Feb 06, 2022•36 min•Season 5Ep. 56
Talking with your kids about your relationships as a parent can be really beneficial for all of you, but it does take some care and attention. In this episode we talk about our experiences talking with our kids over the years about our consensual non-monogamy, sharing the problems and the benefits of those conversations. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the lo...
Jan 30, 2022•45 min•Season 5Ep. 55
Are you married to your best friend? Do you have several best friends? Do you have friends that aren't best? In this episode we're talking about the nature of adult friendships, about the skills of friendship, and we're asking a lot of questions. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn abou...
Jan 02, 2022•34 min•Season 4Ep. 54
