It's really helpful to have specific tools to use when we find ourselves managing stress, or sadness, or grief, or any of the other feelings that come with being alive. In this episode we talk about developing methods of self-regulation that help us feel stable and self with ourselves, and then follow that up with looking at co-regulation and how we can help each other. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Cited in this episode: Butler, E. & Randall, A. (2013) Emotional Coregul...
Oct 03, 2021•32 min•Season 4Ep. 41
Last episode we talked about setting up for success starting the first conversation on non-monogamy with your partner. In this episode, we talk about some of the practical details that you'll want to include in the conversation. Your relationships can be whatever you and your partner(s) design together, so let's get into some of the important components of a caring transitional conversation. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and...
Sep 26, 2021•31 min•Season 4Ep. 40
We've had so many questions about this! How do I bring up the idea of non-monogamy with my partner? What can I do to make it go well? Spend a little time with us talking about what we've learned through our experiences and Joli's years of research. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relationship mailing list...
Sep 19, 2021•39 min•Season 3Ep. 39
Jealousy shows up differently for each of us, but it is a typical human experience. In this episode we talk about defining it, dancing with it, and five things we can do to use jealousy to strengthen and deepen our relationships. Joli shares exactly how she found herself studying jealousy every day for the past twelve years and the five-step process she uses to transform jealousy. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to wor...
Sep 12, 2021•46 min•Season 3Ep. 38
The shift from summer to fall is an easy time to let unexpressed expectations quickly escalate to resentment. Having an intentional conversation about how we share the work of a household is a critical step for keeping your expectations out in the open. Prioritizing love is easier when we regularly revisit how we do this LIFE thing together. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube. Mentioned in this episode: Four Thousand Weeks is a great read for rethinking how we can make the most o...
Sep 05, 2021•22 min•Season 3Ep. 37
Want to feel like you're on vacation at home? In this episode we talk about some things you can do to bring that vacation feeling home, and specifically into the bedroom, anytime. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube You can read about designing your own rituals in Joli's book Project Relationship . And you can find information on working with Joli at www.jolihamilton.com ....
Aug 29, 2021•28 min•Season 3Ep. 36
Having a relationship agreement is important, but it can be used to hurt as well as help our relationships. In this episode we talk about what the relationship agreement really is and what it's for, and list some ways to use it to get everybody more security and connection. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Aug 22, 2021•37 min•Season 3Ep. 35
Masturbation has gotten all kinds of press over the years - some good, some bad, some clinical. We are fans of masturbation. Let's talk about what it's good for, how you can explore and learn about yourself, and some ways you can use it to enhance your connection to your partners. Bonus, Joli's going in deep with the depth psychology of masturbation on this one too! Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Aug 15, 2021•38 min•Season 2Ep. 34
Joli calls relationships an individuation accelerator- is your love built for it? Navigating individual differences between partners is not easy (and individuation requires difference!) In this episode, we share some of the ways we manage being vastly different people with divergent interests and goals. We share two key moves you can make to create an individuation relationship of your own. You get to write the script for your relationship yourselves, you don't have to use anybody else's. Watch ...
Aug 08, 2021•41 min•Season 3Ep. 33
Our partner's family can add some challenges to our relationship. In this episode we talk about our own experiences, our mistakes, our successes, and how our relationship deepens because of all of that. Boundary setting plays an important role in all of this, so we refer to the fantastic book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab , and recommend it as a resource for anyone wanting to improve those skills. Watch the video version of this episode on YouT...
Aug 01, 2021•30 min•Season 3Ep. 32
Monogamy works really well for a lot of people and yet a recent study showed that group sexual encounters are the number one fantasy in the US. Maybe as a pair, you've started talking about including other people in your sex life. That can be really fun to think about and to talk about. And there is so much to talk about before taking action! In this episode, we share some things to talk about that can help you all get what you want out of the experience, whether it's a one-time thing or somethi...
Jul 25, 2021•42 min•Season 3Ep. 31
You've heard us talk about making a relationship agreement that really works for your particular love... but what if you have been married and now things have changed? Maybe you still deeply care about each other but you don't want the standard-issue marriage anymore. Is divorce the only option? Divorce or not, there are actually bigger issues to consider if you want to really go from that one-size-fits-all (who are we kidding, one size is not sufficient!) kind of marriage to an exquisitely cust...
Jul 18, 2021•41 min•Season 3Ep. 30
Last time we talked about managing hard times. What about the good times? Sometimes our partner will be having wins, and maybe we're not, and those times can be challenging too. What can we do to help our partner grow into themselves more? How can we help each other grow? How can we maintain and develop our connection when it looks like things might be changing? In this episode we talk about our experiences with this situation, and offer some things we do that help those times develop our relati...
Jul 04, 2021•32 min•Season 3Ep. 29
Heartbreak and sadness show up in all of our lives. How we show up for each other during those times can have a big impact on our relationships. In this episode we talk about some of the ways we support each other through those times, and how both our similarities and differences help us do that. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Jun 20, 2021•29 min•Season 3Ep. 28
We are talking relationship agreements again, this time looking at how we actually, practically, maintain ours. We also found a hole in one of ours while recording that we need to address. (No relationship escapes being a work in progress, including ours!) Follow Joli on Instagram Watch the video version of this episode on Instagram
Jun 06, 2021•31 min•Season 3Ep. 27
Quarantine has gone on a long time, now, and most of the natural breaks we used to get have disappeared. As the world opens up we are READY to get some space for sure but honestly, Joli can't wait any longer. Listen to this episode as we brainstorm a way to get a much-needed break from each other with respect and mutual caring. In this episode, we are creating an intentional, well-defined break in our relationship to avoid enmeshment and increase satisfaction. When we say this show is honest, we...
May 09, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 26
Marriage is learning all the things you missed on your first meeting. Imagine asking your partner a question you know the answer to and getting a new answer. Does that sound fun, or scary, or both? In this episode we talk about how that works for us, how we make room for each other to change, and how we handle those changes. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Apr 25, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 25
Do you ever feel hesitant to share your inner world with your lovers, partners, friends? In this episode we share our experiences and struggles with transparency, and why we lean into it even when it seems hard. (Spoiler alert - it can promote intimacy, passion, and connection.) Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Apr 18, 2021•40 min•Season 2Ep. 24
Finding a way to play with our partner can change how we experience life. In this episode, we are talking about how we introduce the joy of play into relating, parenting, running a household, and yes, sex too. Married life has piled up the responsibilities but playfulness has been the most consistent way to put the magic back into the mundane. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube
Mar 28, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 23
Developing relationships takes care and courage. This week Angela Lussier joins us and we share thoughts and stories about dating and relationships in general. We talk about what we each want and don't want, what we watch out for and what we seek out, and a little bit about what can happen when we miss the signs. Follow Joli on Instagram Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube...
Mar 21, 2021•53 min•Season 2Ep. 22
Sometimes we get caught up in the changes and challenges everyday life brings. In this episode, we talk about some ways we acknowledge and increase meaning in our lives, and in our relationship. Sometimes we do it on purpose, sometimes we look around and say "oh, we do this thing, and it matters to us and helps us connect". Joli referred to this study about relationship rituals , and for more ideas about creating rituals you can check out chapter 12 of Joli's first book, Project Relationship . F...
Mar 14, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 21
There is no one way for relationships to work. What does "work" even mean, really? That is up to the people in the relationship. In this episode, we explore some of the common labels people use to describe their open relationships and what we have decided to use in ours. Of course, labels will only take you so far before you need to dive into the actual meaning behind your words and this can get messy sometimes. The idea of designing a relationship is at the heart of our life. This episode is al...
Mar 07, 2021•43 min•Season 2Ep. 20
In the second part of a mini-series about shame, Joli shares some vulnerability as we go into her feelings about the rocky early years of our relationship, and the final years of our respective first marriages. That challenging time left its marks, and Joli talks about her experiences with couple’s privilege, secrecy (no surprise, since we’re still talking about shame), and how those experiences impact her now. It’s uncommon to see inside another relationship, so listen in for a tiny glimpse int...
Feb 28, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 19
In the first of a mini-series about shame, we aren’t holding back! The feeling of shame has kept parts of Ken hidden from Joli for years even though we’ve been consciously working on it. This isn’t surprising because shame encourages secret-keeping. Confidence has been masking shame in our home even with a careful eye towards it. Shame has been showing up in unexpected spots and when it does we often feel disconnected right when we most want to feel seen and loved. No holds barred in this episod...
Feb 21, 2021•32 min•Season 2Ep. 18
Sexual fantasies are exciting, but not everyone feels comfortable sharing them with their partner. This week we are talking about how we figured out what each of us needs in order to feel safe to share our fantasies. There is no right or wrong, but fantasy can wake up the beast of jealousy and its best friend shame. What do we do when that happens? How do we get past the junk and revel in sharing our sexiest fantasies? We have spent years developing our ability to do exactly this and it is now o...
Feb 14, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 17
Joli studied consensual non-monogamies as a research psychologist but it is also an important part of our personal relationship design. In this episode, we are talking about what it takes to go from assuming you *know the rules* to creating relationship agreements that are explicit and able to grow with you as your relationship changes. Consensual non-monogamy isn't the right fit for everyone, monogamy is beautiful and a great choice for lots of people. But, polyamory has been making a lot of he...
Feb 07, 2021•32 min•Season 2Ep. 16
Joli studied consensual non-monogamies as a research psychologist but it is also an important part of our personal relationship design. We are talking about what intimacy means when you no longer have the rules of monogamy to guide you. How vulnerable is too vulnerable with someone outside your marriage? What does it feel like to know that my partner is happy without me sometimes? It's all complicated, but not as impossible as it might seem. Consensual non-monogamy isn't the right fit for everyo...
Jan 31, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 15
To kick off season 2 we are responding to a request from a listener who asked "Why are you polyamorous?" Joli studied consensual non-monogamies as a research psychologist but it is also an important part of our personal relationship design. We are talking about what polyamory is, why it works for us, and how it feels to put your heart in someone's hand without the rules of monogamy. Consensual non-monogamy isn't the right fit for everyone, monogamy is beautiful and a great choice for lots of peo...
Jan 24, 2021•31 min•Season 2Ep. 14
In the wrap-up for season 1, Joli and Ken are sharing what it feels like to share their relationship ups and downs with the world. The biggest lessons are often scary to talk about, even years later. Admitting where we hurt each other or when we've been out of integrity with our values is vulnerable but getting real is key to continually deepening connection with each other and with the larger world. Season 2 is coming soon- if you have a topic or question, we invite you to share them, grab the ...
Dec 29, 2020•26 min•Season 1Ep. 13
Episode 12 is about failure and what happens when we judge our relationship success only by how long it lasts. Endings and transitions can be extremely challenging, especially when we imagine that an ending feels like it defines us. In this episode, Joli and Ken talk about three things they do to get through the tough endings and big transitions with a little more grace and a ton more insight. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube...
Dec 24, 2020•32 min•Season 1Ep. 12
