Accountable and reliable- this is what you want from a life partner. But, life moves fast. What happens when you can't keep your word? Or when you change your mind about something that matters to your partner? One of the things about having a completely unscripted podcast is you get to hear us work through our process live- no edits. In this episode, we talk about what happens in our relationship when one of us says we'll do something and then life happens and things change. Joli had a moment wh...
Jun 26, 2022•34 min•Season 6Ep. 71
We talk with Megan Bhatia from the Amory podcast about our different polyamory journeys, our experiences with family as polyamorous people, and parenting outside the monogamous paradigm. You can view the transcript here Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get t...
Jun 19, 2022•1 hr 4 min•Season 6Ep. 70
Ready to take your relationships to new levels of growth and satisfaction? In a community of like-minded, growth oriented people with similar goals? Led by a highly trained expert and her experienced partner? Listen to Episode 69 where we share some of our thoughts and experiences about opening relationships, and offer an exciting new opportunity to join a group coaching program designed to help you open your relationship the smart way. Start by taking the quiz to find out how ready you are to o...
Jun 12, 2022•32 min•Season 6Ep. 69
Join us for the first episode of Season 6! We talk with Elisabeth Kristof of Brain Based Wellness about training your nervous system, and how you can use those skills to improve your relationships. Elisabeth is not only a certified applied neurology coach but also one of Joli's most treasured trauma-informed colleagues. Click here for a free video series to relieve stress, resolve anxiety and eliminate unwanted behavior! BONUS: Elisabeth and Joli created a one-of-a-kind workshop called Jealousy ...
Jun 05, 2022•1 hr 13 min•Season 6Ep. 68
Are you kinky? Nobody but you can answer that question, and nobody but you can decide what it means. There's no board of kink that issues certificates, no licensing board that decides what you can and can't do based on your "kink" status. In this episode we talk about ways you can explore this question for yourself. And some of the things to think about along the way - practical, psychological, and relational. Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conver...
Apr 24, 2022•33 min•Season 5Ep. 67
How did we get where we are? What stories do we tell each other (and ourselves) about the decisions that got us here? In this episode we dig into how the way we remember and tell our stories affects the way we view our relationships, and our partners. Here's the graphic on cognitive bias I mentioned. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. G...
Apr 17, 2022•35 min•Season 5Ep. 66
How satisfied are we in our relationships? How satisfied can we be? How do we decide? When we make explicit agreements with our partners, we can start to see clearly how well our relationships serve us. The more we know about our values and our partners' values, the easier it is to make effective explicit agreements, which is what this episode is about. We share experiences with our relationship agreements, and talk about some of the tools we use to help us craft them. Here is the exercise and l...
Apr 10, 2022•40 min•Season 5Ep. 65
How do we navigate those times in our relationships when trust has been violated? How can we respond in ways that increase the chance of reconnection? Are there ways to avoid situations that cause trust troubles? In this episode we talk about some of our experiences building and rebuilding trust, and share some strategies for navigating trust issues. Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. G...
Apr 03, 2022•46 min•Season 5Ep. 64
Have you noticed any patterns in your relationship that play out over and over again? Are there things you do, ways you behave, that leave you in the same ouchy situation every time, but you still keep doing them? Well, that happens to us, and in this episode we talk about how those patterns show up and play out for us, and we share some strategies for interrupting those patterns. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for eas...
Mar 27, 2022•28 min•Season 5Ep. 63
How do you feel when you get an apology? How about when you offer one? When we hurt each other, how we handle it can strengthen or weaken our relationship, with each other and with ourselves. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on a...
Mar 20, 2022•33 min•Season 5Ep. 62
Have you ever had life throw something spectacular at you that inspired (or required) you to grow and change? That can happen, surprising us out of the blue. It can also be something we plan into our lives. In this episode we talk about how we can do that, choosing to use our relationship as the workshop for becoming more ourselves. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you c...
Mar 13, 2022•27 min•Season 5Ep. 61
Long term fun? Sign me up! In this episode we talk about generating fun in the context of a relationship. We share some ideas about what could be fun, some thoughts about things that get in the way, and how we can learn from that and bring ourselves more satisfaction. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship ...
Mar 06, 2022•43 min•Season 5Ep. 60
What do you do when you have the hots for someone unavailable? In this episode we talk about ways to approach the feelings that come up with unrequited attraction. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on all of Joli's work be sure to...
Mar 01, 2022•31 min•Season 5Ep. 59
Can anxiety can be an opportunity? Consensual non-monogamy is not simple, and it can lead to anxiety. In this episode we talk about how that anxiety can be an opportunity and a guide to learn more about ourselves and our relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work ...
Feb 20, 2022•42 min•Season 5Ep. 58
What if we want to show affection without being sexual? In this episode we talk about some of our experiences with difficulties that can come up around expressing and engaging in intimacy outside sexual relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you wa...
Feb 13, 2022•24 min•Season 5Ep. 57
It sounds kind of weird, but monogamy isn’t necessarily the opposite of non-monogamy. In this episode we talk about how we decide what the boundaries of our relationships are, and share some ideas about how we can stretch our imaginations to bring more of what we want into those relationships. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the ...
Feb 06, 2022•36 min•Season 5Ep. 56
Talking with your kids about your relationships as a parent can be really beneficial for all of you, but it does take some care and attention. In this episode we talk about our experiences talking with our kids over the years about our consensual non-monogamy, sharing the problems and the benefits of those conversations. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the lo...
Jan 30, 2022•45 min•Season 5Ep. 55
Are you married to your best friend? Do you have several best friends? Do you have friends that aren't best? In this episode we're talking about the nature of adult friendships, about the skills of friendship, and we're asking a lot of questions. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get my free top 5 relationship guides at ListenToJoli.com for easy to implement conversations that will help you create the love you really want. Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and h...
Jan 02, 2022•34 min•Season 4Ep. 54
The many marriages model has helped us manage to stay both committed and independent over the long term. In this episode we are talking about what happens when a marriage goes through inevitable change, because change is the only guarantee we get in life. So, when change shows up, what do you do? Do you resist and try to keep your marriage as it always has been or do you transition with grace? Once again, rituals can facilitate strong, growth-oriented transitions. Check out chapter 12 in Project...
Dec 26, 2021•34 min•Season 4Ep. 53
What makes for well-done casual play? In this episode we're talking about practical considerations for hosting or attending a sex party. How do we set up a safe place for people to share erotic play? How do we make sure consent is part of everything all the time? What should we do to normalize sharing STI information? What about exit strategies, safe words, logistics, ground rules? If everyone can safely pursue pleasure and we all take care of each other, we have the best chance of connecting to...
Dec 19, 2021•42 min•Season 4Ep. 52
No matter how good your sex life is, we're all growing, changing critters in a dynamic world. So something will change and we'll want to adapt so we can have the best sex we can. In this episode we're talking about how to make sex better by sharing feedback about our sexual experiences. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Re...
Dec 12, 2021•34 min•Season 4Ep. 51
Envy is kind of like a feeling of want, except that it totally bites. In this episode we are digging into envy: how it can get in the way of our relationships and leave us feeling totally worthless at times. But we can use some of the same tools we use for jealousy to notice it's there and help us through it to a better understanding of ourselves. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up ...
Dec 05, 2021•34 min•Season 4Ep. 50
Do you want to give gifts that inspire feelings of love and pleasure? In this episode we're talking about focusing on the feelings we create and understanding our people, so we know what and how they like to receive gifts. Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages can be a useful model for helping us understand ourselves and each other, and the more we talk to each other and collaborate on designing the celebrations we want, the more likely we are to get them. Take the free, quick love languages quiz o...
Nov 28, 2021•34 min•Season 4Ep. 49
There are lots of disruptors to sex - kids, grief, burnout, pandemics... In this episode we're talking about ways to get the hotness back, or keep things hot, or make them even hotter. And how to decide when it's time to ask for help - from books, podcasts, and best of all humans. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to date on Joli's jealousy work be sure to join the Project Relation...
Nov 21, 2021•34 min•Season 4Ep. 48
Poly is not mono! Which might sound silly, but in this case we mean that polyamory is not monolithic. There are as many ways to have polyamorous relationships as there are people having them, and the differences between them are a lot of nuance. In this episode we talk with our guest, Leah Marshall, about the way she experiences her relationships, and how that's different from us. Leah is the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a community of over 13K members fro...
Nov 14, 2021•46 min•Season 4Ep. 47
How do you celebrate? Do you wait for a holiday or for someone to tell you it's time to mark an occasion? Celebrations help us see and acknowledge the things that have meaning for us- in other words, they are kindling for the fire of your relationships (romantic and otherwise). Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Cited in this episode: Fiese, B.H. (2002) Family Routines and Rituals May Improve Family Relationships and Health, According to 50-Year Research Review. APA special editi...
Nov 07, 2021•30 min•Season 4Ep. 46
Every marriage, every relationship is different. In this episode we talk about Ken's first marriage, his experience of infertility, and what he wishes he'd done differently, and why. As we mentioned in the episode, follow Katy DeJong on Instagram @thepleasureanarchist if you're interested in the best info on infertility, sex, and childlessness. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Get the book Project Relationship Learn about Joli and how to work with her If you want to stay up to ...
Oct 31, 2021•31 min•Season 4Ep. 45
Have you ever wondered how other people use porn? In this episode we talk about our own personal answers to that question, including de-stigmatizing porn, sharing it with each other, and ensuring that we are using ethical sources. We've included some links in these show notes to ethical porn sources as well as social media links for some great sex workers and sex educators who advocate for erotic freedom and provide high-quality education about sex and sex work. A very porn-knowledgable sex educ...
Oct 24, 2021•42 min•Season 4Ep. 44
"Our relationships with others can only be as strong as our relationship with ourselves." That's just one insight we hear about in this episode during our talk with Melissa. We talk about how to tell the difference between internal and external boundaries, being in integrity, and grounding deeply in our body to help us know what our boundaries need to be. Watch the video version of this episode on YouTube Melissa is a very experienced guide for people interested in a lifelong journey of growth. ...
Oct 17, 2021•33 min•Season 4Ep. 43
Have you ever done something and looked back and said "That's not like me!" How does that happen? What do we do then? How can we use this information to manage ourselves and our relationships better? In this episode we talk about the Jungian concept of complexes, and how they can come up and run the show for a while. For reference, here are couple of powerful quotes from Jung on his model of psychological complexes: "Complexes interfere with the intentions of the will and disturb the conscious p...
Oct 10, 2021•37 min•Season 4Ep. 42
