Pillow Talks - podcast cover

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODEvmtherapy.com
Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

Episodes

Episode 114: Can We Come Back From This? Part 2: Even More Relationship Make Or Break Moments

Has your partner ever done or said something painful, leaving you wondering, “Can we come back from this?” Sometimes you need an outside party to either guide you and your partner through moving past the hurt, or to validate that the relationship can’t survive the blow. Prepare yourself to hear some pretty spicy takes as we examine each situation and get real about when to talk it out, when to just plain walk, and how to know the difference. Because while we fully support communication and forgi...

Jul 27, 20231 hr 3 minEp. 114

Episode 113: Bump And Grind: Sex During Pregnancy

Want to unlock the secrets to great pregnancy sex? We know, your body feels alien to you, your hormones are all over the place, and somehow all the things that used to work in the bedroom just don’t feel the same anymore. But don’t worry, it’s still possible to keep the fires burning while pregnant. We’re here to guide you through the most common challenges couples face during this extraordinary journey. We’re talking about things like body image issues, fears of hurting the baby, and libido cha...

Jul 20, 202354 minEp. 113

Episode 112: Creating A Shortcut To Intimacy With Compliments

Compliments. They sound like such a small act but they can make such a huge difference in the intimacy of your relationship. But for most couples, compliments are surprisingly hard to come by! Maybe you’ve never been good at receiving them, so now your partner doesn’t feel it’s worth the effort. Maybe your family never gave compliments when you were growing up, so you’re uncomfortable with them. Or maybe you’ve simply forgotten how sweet they can be! We’re here to help you figure out what your p...

Jul 13, 202358 minEp. 112

Episode 111: What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Talk About Sex

Why is it so hard to talk to your partner about sex? You talk about everything else, but the minute it becomes about your sex life, they shut down. It’s not just you! In our recent Instagram poll, 52% of people reported having this issue with a partner. In this episode, we dissect the four most common reasons why partners refuse to talk about sex, and help you understand the reasons your partner may behave this way. We give you specific examples of what to say (and not say) so you can get past t...

Jul 06, 20231 hr 2 minEp. 111

Episode 110: Unzipped And Unfiltered: Your Funniest Sex Fails

Want to hear some of the craziest things that have ever happened to our community in the middle of sex? We asked you guys to share your most hysterical and mortifying stories, and wow did you deliver! We may be serious about sex education, but we also think there’s a lot of humor to find in all the awkward mishaps! We choose not to shrink in shame, especially if it makes for a great story! So if you’re looking for a good belly laugh or just want to delight in some cautionary tales, buckle up, be...

Jun 29, 202341 minEp. 110

Episode 109: This ONE Thing Is Secretly Affecting Your ENTIRE Relationship

Are you frustrated by how sex gets initiated in your relationship? Does the way your partner initiates feel boring, frustrating, or annoying? Do you find yourself feeling too self-conscious or awkward to initiate? If so, you’re not alone! We polled our audience, and only 17% of people were happy with the state of initiation with their partners. Shocked by those initial findings, we decided to dig even deeper with an in-depth survey. Over 10,000 people responded! In this episode, we break down th...

Jun 22, 202358 minEp. 109

Episode 108: “Help! I’ve Been Faking Orgasms So Long I Don’t Know How To Stop!”

Real talk - are you faking orgasms? There are so many understandable reasons why you may have started faking. Maybe you were trying to protect your partner’s ego, or trying to make it seem like there was good chemistry between the two of you. Maybe you were worried about taking too long to orgasm, or maybe you‘d never had one so you didn’t even know how you were supposed to get there with your partner. But what do you do if you’re now in the situation where you’ve been faking for so long that yo...

Jun 15, 202349 minEp. 108

Episode 107: Ask Each Other Anything: Celebrating Our Queer Community With A Q&A

This week, we’re dedicating an entire episode to our queer community! Inclusivity is one of our core company values, and while we try to make all of our content as inclusive as possible, we wanted to highlight and celebrate our queer community in this special episode. It was important to us to center the queer experience, so we asked our queer community members to share questions they would love to ask to other queer people. We got questions like: Best tips for navigating the coming out process?...

Jun 08, 202341 minEp. 107

Episode 106: Exposing Our Biggest Relationship Frustrations With Enneagram Expert Tracy O’Malley

In over 100 episodes of Pillow Talks, we’ve never had a guest. But we broke the mold to bring on Tracy O’Malley, and after hearing this episode, we think you’ll understand why. Tracy is a phenomenal Enneagram expert who helps you understand how your personality type affects how you show up in life and love. We thought it would be fun to do a couples session with Tracy, and we gave her full permission to share our strengths and challenges with you. We were absolutely blown away - like jaws on the...

Jun 01, 20232 hr 30 minEp. 106

Episode 105: “Is This Normal?” 2.0 — More Questions You Never Dared To Ask Out Loud

Get ready for the highly anticipated sequel to one of our most popular episodes yet! Back in Episode 91 we asked the age-old question, “Is This Normal?” We're back to deliver another round of jaw-dropping, mind-boggling, and side-splitting revelations in our second installment. You’ll get answers to questions like: Is it normal to resent my husband after having a baby? Is it normal that I started masturbating at age five? Is it normal for a man to need assistance to get hard? Is it normal being ...

May 25, 20231 hr 9 minEp. 105

Episode 104: An Exclusive Sneak Peek: Chapter One Of Sex Talks

Friends, followers, and first-time listeners, gather 'round for a podcast episode like no other! Get ready to dive into our New York Times instant best-selling book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. With special permission from our publisher Simon & Schuster, we’re able to share the entire first chapter of the audiobook with you! The first chapter is a special one. After listening, you’ll understand why sex starts to feel so complicated in long-term relations...

May 18, 202355 minEp. 104

Episode 103: What Do Women Really Think About…? (Masturbation, Butt Stuff, Penis Size, And More!)

Our “What Do Men Really Think About” episodes were so popular that we knew we just had to do an episode about what women are really thinking! So we asked our Instagram community to give us topics they’ve always been curious about, and we turned those questions into polls that we asked women to answer. This week, we’re sharing what women really think about topics like penis performance issues, masturbation, penis size, period sex (wait until you hear Xander’s story about his college girlfriend), ...

May 11, 20231 hr 11 minEp. 103

Episode 102: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Intercourse Edition)

You wanna go another round? Because we DEFINITELY do! It’s time for part 2 of Smash Or Pass, our series where we try out the internet’s weirdest sex tips. This time it’s all about intercourse. If you haven’t listened to the first one (episode 97), make sure you head over there after this episode. We thought we went as far out of the box as we’d ever go in that first episode, but we were wrong. Let’s just say that in this episode, we go to new heights of what we’re willing to do on air for you! T...

May 04, 20231 hr 8 minEp. 102

Episode 101: Is Gaming Hurting Your Relationship? Part 1 Of The “I Love You But I Don’t Like You” Series

Have you ever looked at your partner and thought to yourself, “I love you, but I don’t like you right now”? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! We’ve been dying to do an episode about the topic, but when we polled our audience on IG, it quickly became obvious that this needed to be a series, not just a single episode. So this week, we’re focusing on one of the most frequent complaints - gaming. 40% of our Instagram community said gaming is hurting their relationship. The gamers are feelin...

Apr 27, 20231 hr 10 minEp. 101

Episode 100: Our 100th Episode Extravaganza: The Ultimate Round of “Know Ya Boo”

Can you believe this is our 100th episode??? We knew we had to do something super special to commemorate the occasion, so we decided to play “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference). You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. There’s even one answer that we had to censor. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. (Let’s just say V...

Apr 20, 20231 hr 9 minEp. 100

Episode 99: The Bristle Reaction: What It Is, How It Happens, And What You Can Do To Fix It

Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? We recently made a TikTok about this term that Vanessa created, and 8 million people watched! The Bristle Reaction is when your partner comes in for a hug or a kiss, and you feel yourself recoil. No matter how much you love your partner, there are times when their touch can immediately create a sense of tension. We polled our Instagram audience and found out 84% of people have experienced The Bristle Reaction. Even though it’s so common, most people have n...

Apr 13, 20231 hr 8 minEp. 99

Episode 98: Dead Bedrooms: We Coach One Couple Through Resuscitating Their Sex Life

It’s time to talk about Dead Bedrooms. Does your sex life feel like a ghost of what it used to be? Has it felt that way so long that you don’t know if it will ever recover? Are you grappling with feelings of isolation, loneliness, shame, and/or hopeless? First of all, please know that you’re not alone. When we reached out to our Instagram audience asking people to share their stories of Dead Bedrooms, we were completely overwhelmed by the number of responses. There are so many couples feeling we...

Apr 06, 20231 hr 13 minEp. 98

Episode 97: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Foreplay Edition)

We’ve all seen the articles from cheesy women’s magazines (and TikTok)…“10 foolproof ways to drive your man wild in bed!” But so many of the tips just sound weird. (Slipping a donut over his penis? Really?) There’s a never-ending supply of suggestions to supposedly turn up the heat in the bedroom, but do any of them actually work?? We asked our Instagram audience to share the sex tips they’ve always been curious about, and decided to be the guinea pigs for you! Along with some hilarious sex mish...

Mar 30, 20231 hr 6 minEp. 97

Episode 96: Things That Go Bump (Or Bang) In the Night

Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM? It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all ab...

Mar 23, 202351 minEp. 96

Episode 95: Mental Load Part 2: Conversations About Perfectionism, Gender Roles, And Finding Balance With Your Partner

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder? We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load. Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset...

Mar 16, 20231 hr 10 minEp. 95

Episode 94: The “Start Here” Episode - Allow Us To Reintroduce Ourselves

Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do! It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex the...

Mar 09, 202359 minEp. 94

Episode 93: Would You Rather?

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather? We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge. ...

Mar 02, 202353 minEp. 93

Episode 92: The Brutally Honest Truth About Our New York Times Best Selling Book

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller! But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks. So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able an...

Feb 23, 20232 hr 37 minEp. 92

Episode 91: “Is This Normal?” 15 Questions You Never Dared To Ask Out Loud

Have you ever had a question that you were too embarrassed to even Google? You know, the kinda stuff that you don’t even talk about with your best friend. The stuff that makes you ask, “Is this normal?” Well we have, and that’s why we decided to make an episode covering all the topics you can’t ask anywhere else. We asked you for your most embarrassing questions, then polled them all on Instagram. We collected enough evidence to prove, definitively, that no matter how you feel about any of these...

Feb 16, 202357 minEp. 91

Episode 90: Why Missionary Is (Secretly) Our Favorite Position

Is it OK if you and your partner keep finding yourselves coming back to the missionary position during sex? Does that make your relationship - gasp! - vanilla? Missionary often gets judged as being boring, predictable, or beginner, and a lot of us feel embarrassed to admit that we like it. Well, take it from a sex therapist… vanilla is popular for a reason. Missionary can be wildly intimate, erotic, and even kinky when it’s done right. In this episode, we show you all the different ways to spice...

Feb 09, 20231 hr 3 minEp. 90

Episode 89: How To Get The Intimacy You’ve Always Craved

Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation. Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code! Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you cov...

Feb 02, 202359 minEp. 89

Episode 88: How To Decide If You Should Have Kids Or Not. And Are We Still Child Free By Choice?

When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now. After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this epi...

Jan 26, 20231 hr 15 minEp. 88

Episode 87: Sex Talks: Sharing All The Secrets Behind Writing Our First Book

If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book? In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to yo...

Jan 19, 20231 hr 21 minEp. 87

Episode 86: Ask Us Anything Part 4: This Time It’s Personal

It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal. We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our somet...

Jan 12, 20231 hr 9 minEp. 86

Episode 85: Make 2023 The Year You Finally Feel Sexy

What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In ...

Jan 05, 20231 hr 11 minEp. 85