I do think some people, especially with things that we feel nervous about, we often need like a couple of rounds of encouragement to give you that courage to actually try it out. All right. So what are we actually going to cover? We're going to talk about why you really should consider about stuff. Spoiler alert, it's pleasurable for both parties. It is.
Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa and Xander Marin. I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience. experience. And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step by step techniques for improving yours. Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of
of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. We are bringing back a fan favorite this week. We're talking about... Butt stuff. We're going there. Oh, I thought you were going to maybe do butt stuff with me in unison. Can we do it? Yeah. We're talking about butt stuff. Oh, yeah.
So we polled our audience on Instagram and we asked, are you intimidated by anal play? And 72% of people said yes. But there's a twist. There is a twist. When we asked, are you curious about trying butt stuff? 67% of you said yes. So intimidated, but curious. Sounds like a podcast name. Yeah, maybe that's what this should be called. Or a book and not like a spicy novel. Intimidating.
curious interesting what happens a lot of bad stuff or a dating profile like your uh your name i don't know if if you were to say i'm intimidated In my dating profile, I'm not sure you'd get a lot of hits or you might get the wrong kind of swipe. on you. That was such a like, tell me you've never online dated without telling me you've never online dated moment. I'm going to roast myself for that. Okay. Yeah. Don't call yourself that.
So look, obviously, there's a lot of fear and hesitation around that stuff. But that curiosity is still very, very much there. And I think like... People are not letting intimidation hold them back. Right. Like that's why we do this podcast. That's why we do what we do. We don't think anyone should be intimidated about their sex life, about things that they're curious about trying. And people are obviously curious about that stuff. And we love that.
So we originally released a Butt Stuff episode way back in 2021. And we were not expecting this, but we were totally blown away that it quickly became one of our most popular episodes. It popped. It booty popped. It booty popped. It sure did. And it has held strong as one of our top episodes pretty much since then. So we decided we're going to re-air this super popular episode.
And look, this is the first time we've actually re-aired an episode at this point. It's crazy. We have over 200 episodes of Pillow Talk. And we know that if you are new, if you did not start right at episode one, there is probably a lot of catching up that you could do. I doubt, you know, hey, I would actually love to know what percentage of our listeners have listened to all 200 episodes.
curious but i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that there's probably a lot for you to catch up on you whoever is listening to this right now so We want to make it easier. We want to make it easier for you. You, whoever. Yeah, you. You whose ears I am in right now. Whose ears I'm inside. Oh. Who?
I don't know. I don't know if I like that. This is not the aural pleasures episode. It is the butt pleasures episode. But anyway, we want to make it easier for you to get all of our best stuff and this episode especially. Even if you did listen to that episode originally back in 2021, I think there's still so much to gain by re-listening to it. Like I really listen to a lot of podcast episodes. I reread books.
Because you hear different things each time around. Like there's different insights that you pick up on, different tidbits that you pick up on. Also, you may have changed your mind in the last four years. Maybe you've started leaning a little more into that curiosity realm. Maybe you have a different partner. A lot of circumstances could be different. Or you're just ready to jump from curious to trying it out.
Exactly. And I do think some people, especially with things that we feel nervous about, we often need like a couple of rounds of encouragement to give you that courage to actually try it out. All right. So what are we actually going to cover? We're going to talk about why you really should consider about stuff. It's pleasurable for both parties. It is.
Also, we're going to talk about all the misconceptions about butt stuff because there are plenty and one of the huge ones is that it's not just anal sex. In fact, anal sex is one part of... you know, the multifaceted, multifaceted is kind of weird, of the multitude of... Multi-aceted. Oh! The multi-aceted nature of butt stuff. What I mean by that is that there are a lot of activities.
And anal is penetration. Anal penetration is just one of them. We're also going to talk about how to keep it safe, hygienic and pain free because whenever we have question boxes about anal. Safety and hygiene and pain are definitely the three top things that people ask about. And then finally... We're going to talk about why more and more straight men, guys like me, are opening up to the joys of butt stuff.
We are also going there with some of your most intimate questions. We got questions about things like hemorrhoids, hairy buttholes, and what to do if you're worried that once you try butt stuff that vaginal sex will not feel like enough for your partner. All right, so bottom line, why are we talking about that stuff right now? Bottom line? I did. Come on. Actually, wow, that was unintentional, but that was genius.
Bottom line, let's get down to your ass's grass. No, I couldn't think of anything. But no, why are we talking about it now? What's the bottom line? This is a real shit show of an intro. I didn't even mean that. I didn't even mean that. I told them that we were going to talk about safety. And hygiene. So we do not want this to be a shit show, babe.
We'll show you how to not be a shit show. Butt stuff should not be a shit show. It won't. It really shouldn't, and it won't if you do it right. Anyway, look, why are we talking about it now? Well, we launched our brand new membership deeper. when deeper gives you access to all of our courses, a monthly double date with us where we will answer your questions, we talk about different topics.
It also gives you access to Vanessa AI, which is pretty incredible. Getting really rave reviews from people. It is really next level. That's your ability to like get instant advice, feedback. personalized tips, personalized scripts. Like it's crazy. It's like your own sex therapist in your back pocket. It's like you're literally talking to Vanessa because we trained it with everything that Vanessa has ever said or written. It really is.
just like her. And then also there's tons of other cool stuff. Just like me. It is just like you, except I'm not a human. I can't have sex with it. true you can yeah we specifically made sure you can't have sex with it either um as hard as you try it will not it will not engage with you um but yeah there's also tons of other cool stuff in the membership too you'll just have to
Join and check it out if you want to see what all that cool stuff is. But with the new direction that we are going in with this membership, a lot of our individual guides are not going to be available for purchase anymore because we've just had so many things.
so many things it makes for a confusing experience for people and they get to our website they're trying to figure out what to get and there's like 20 different options it's too much that's tough it's it's too much so we really wanted to streamline the experience especially for new people we also wanted to make something so much more convenient
rather than like, you have to go through your email and like, wait, where was that guy? And what was this thing in? And I think I bought that thing. We wanted to make sure you have it all together, like all access path. With that new direction, a lot of these a lot of these one off guides are not going to be available for purchase anymore. And that includes two fan favorites. That's but stuff and dirty talk 101.
So we actually created the Butt Stuff Guide because this podcast episode was so popular. We were like, oh my God, people were begging us. This episode was so good. I want more. Like, can you get more into the technique? Can you address this aspect of it? And so we made that guide because of this episode. So this is really like a full circle moment. We're now retiring it.
with this episode as well. And also Dirty Talk 101, you mentioned we are retiring so many guides. We literally don't have the time to like individually focus on each of them. So Dirty Talk 101, we're not talking at all about Dirty Talk in this episode. such a fun guide it's great for sexting it's great for flirting for finding your authentic voice it's really more of a like sexual communication guide it ranges from like
PG-13 to triple X. Yeah, mild to wild. So you can really find your own unique flavor there. So yeah, you're never going to be able to get either of those guides and so many others on their own ever again. But we wanted to give you... this last chance before we lock them up.
Within the membership within Deeper. So yeah, you've got until May 4th to get them outside of Deeper or you can always just join us in Deeper because for nearly the same price, you're going to get access to Bot Stuff, Dirty Talk 101. And also most of our other courses too. And those double dates with us and Vanessa AI, the list really goes on. So however you want to do it, we're going to put links for all those down in the show.
Alright, before we jump into the re-air of the Butt Stuff episode, let's get into a brand new review of the week. Yeah, so we always do review of the week reviews are such an important way for us to grow, whether that's a review on the podcast or a review of one of our courses. so the way that you enter to win our review of the week giveaway the winner gets a free masterclass
All you got to do is DM us a review of one of our courses. If you've bought one, you can DM us at Vanessa and Xander on Instagram or leave us a review on the podcast. So go to the main Pillow Talks page on Apple Podcasts. Scroll all the way down to the bottom, smash the five stars button, and just leave us a couple sentences about how this podcast has changed your relationship or your sex life.
So this week's review of the week is a podcast review. Amazing. I first heard of pillow talks when I listened to an episode from the Mel Robbins podcast. I learned to love what Vanessa had said on the podcast. So I headed over to Spotify and I am hooked. i'm only 23 years old and i did not realize how much a podcast like this could help my sex life
My boyfriend and I listened to some of the episodes together and have loved it. I love hearing what Vanessa has to say, but having a male also give input is so helpful. Xander, you rock and you guys are such a power couple. I am constantly recommending this podcast to my friends. Okay, let's get into butt stuff. And now it's time to tell you about our dog's personal favorite podcast sponsor, which is Chewy. Surprise, surprise.
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That is dipsystories.com slash pillow. All right, well, let's get into the butt. So... First of all, we asked our audience on Instagram, have you ever tried any form of anal play? Yeah, because we were just a minute ago talking about sort of like, are you open to it or whatever? Now this is like, all right, brass tacks people, have you done it? Okay, so 59% of people said yes.
41% no. So pretty good amount of people have already experimented a little bit with it. Yeah, and I think the key here is that we said any form of anal play because we'll get into this. We'll get into it. We'll get into this, but a lot of people here...
anal they don't even hear what comes next like we said anal play they just hear anal and they think i'm just like mumbling like like anal anal whatever and they go anal sex spoiler alert like full on full on intercourse full on intercourse in my anus and uh that's not That should be the name of the guide. Full on intercourse in my anus. Do you think it's too late to ask the team to rebrand? I think they might want to kill me, but...
Would you guys be more likely to buy a guy called full on intercourse in my anus or butt stuff? I'm dead. We've been having these conversations on Instagram. We've recently realized that we're terrible at naming all of our guides and products. Nobody likes the names or understands the names. Like with our ultimate foreplay guides, we realize like nobody realizes that it's. covers a blowjob yeah people yeah
Yeah, it's kind of sad. We did a story on Instagram the other day and we were like, hey, we're kind of realizing that we're not always the best at naming our stuff and like our foreplay. What do you think of the name for the foreplay guides? You know, it includes. how to give a blowjob and how to do this, how to do that. And people were like, oh my God, the foreplay guide is the blowjob guide. Like I thought you weren't selling the blowjob guide. Like I got to buy it. We're like, oh my.
god what are we thinking so yeah maybe butt stuff is a terrible name maybe it should be full-on intercourse but you know what would be even more us would be like it would be like if we did okay so the course is called full-on intercourse in my anus but we will abbreviate it because you know that's too long so it'll be f Well, shoot. Is it O and it's dashed? Do you do like the second? No, it's got to be F-O-I-I-M-A. Foima. Foima. This is an inside peek into what goes on.
as dm therapy headquarters if you go into the name of the business anymore i know into vanessa and xander sex and relationships if you if you like go into the system where all of our like product carts There's a lot of really long names and then abbreviations. And it's a mouthful and a handful inside your brain. It's something we should have mentioned in our business episode from two weeks ago. We suck at naming things.
We like really long acronyms. Oh, my God. But fortunately, we have a great audience that helps us fix it. Unfortunately, this time it's just called butt. stuff and it does not cover just intercourse again we will get to that in a minute but just to be clear It's not just an intercourse guide. But just to be clear, it does also cover full-on intercourse in Uranus. It does. It includes that, but it's not limited to that. There we go.
Okay, so let's take a step back and let's talk a little bit about why you should try any form of anal play. Because I think there are a lot of people out there who just... immediately are like, uh-uh, nothing's going back there. Leave it alone. I'm not interested. I think a lot of people go, nothing's going in there. And the reality is that nothing even needs to go in there in order to enjoy anal play. Another little spoiler alert there. Okay, so to be clear, we are not...
going to force you to do anal. Like there is no anal police here doing enforcement, making sure everybody's doing it. Unless you want the anal police to come to your door, because that could be a sexy fantasy. That might be if you're into that. You know, police and the milkman.
If you're into that, that's great. But we're not trying to pressure you or tell you you have to. We're just here to present the information and you make the decision that feels the best for your sex life. But there are some compelling reasons that we want to share. So the first thing is like, let's just acknowledge there still is like a taboo element around all things anal. And that taboo can actually be really exciting when you decide to try it.
It feels kind of naughty. It gives it a little bit of an extra thrill to be like, ooh, I'm not supposed to be doing this. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of like early on when you start experimenting with sex. say i don't know like if you start experimenting with any type of sex stuff like
In your teenage years, there's definitely that initial kind of taboo like, oh, we have to be sneaking around or whatever. And, you know, I think you lose that pretty quickly once you really become like a full blown adult, especially when you. You know, if you got into a serious partnership or whatever. Full on adult, you mean? Yeah, you start having full on sex with your full on adult partner. And, you know, sex kind of loses that taboo like, oh, we shouldn't be having.
Just intercourse. But we got something else for you that is a little taboo, and that's the butt. Okay, it's also something new to explore with your partner. So if you're feeling like a little bit bored of your usual routine, anal is definitely going to shake things up. And we talk a lot about how trying new things in and outside of the bedroom, it really builds emotional intimacy. And even if this ends up being something that you literally just do once,
it could still be a really interesting and fun bonding experience for the two of you. Yeah, or at the very least, it could just be something that you reminisce about or even laugh about. Like, oh, remember the time we tried that? Wasn't that fun or funny? Like what? whichever it ends up being. And the other part of that too is with any kind of anal play, it typically requires a little bit more preparation and communication.
It's not just something where it's like in the middle of it. It's like, oh, all of a sudden we just started having full on anal intercourse in your anus. You know, it requires a little preparation. that preparation, that communication can create a bit of anticipation, which can actually be really fun and exciting, especially compared to the typical sex that you are probably usually having. So bottom line.
It can be fun to have something that you need to talk about a little bit or prepare for, and then therefore think about and get excited about. Okay, here's another thing. It has the potential to be a first-time experience for one or both of you.
If you met your partner like a little bit later in your life, maybe you already had a number of other sexual partners or experiences. Like this was definitely the case for us. Like when we tried anal, that was our first experience. And it was like the only first.
that i think we shared with each other sexually yeah yeah absolutely and even if you each have tried some form of anal play before if you haven't tried it with each other it's like a first to do together and like and you know the fun thing is like how many of those do you have left at this point so it's you know it's just another fun first
Even if it is not your first time trying it together, it could be your first time trying it with the proper tools and resources to really set yourself up for success. Also, our first time exploring anal play. We have different recollections of what happened. It's a pretty funny story. It's a pretty funny story. Okay. But finally, the most important reason to consider butt stuff. is also the simplest one. It feels good.
Like it's just an objective reality that there are nerve endings in and around your anus that feel good, that register sensation. And this is for people of all genders. It feels good. It has the ability to enhance orgasms if you're pairing it with other kinds of stimulation. That's something that we get into in butt stuff. And actually, some people can even have orgasms from anal play alone. So reality is it just.
Okay, so let's talk about some of the biggest barriers that get in people's way when it comes to wanting to explore or experiment with anal play. So a big one that comes up is safety. So we're just going to run you through a couple of quick facts. you can transmit sexually transmitted infections through anal contact. And actually, transmission rates can be a bit higher.
Since anal tissues are more sensitive, they're more susceptible to like little micro tears, which can help infections pass easier. So you definitely want to make sure that you're using a condom for any sort of anal play unless you are already fluid bonded with your partner. But there is some good news here when it comes to safety. Pregnancy is clearly not a concern, so you don't have to worry about that aspect of it. But again, all normal rules of keeping yourself protected do apply.
all right so let's talk about the i think i would say this is one of the two biggest blockages this and the next one that we're going to talk about hygiene so we've got the classic question Aren't I going to get poop on his fingers or on his dick? We're all very afraid of the poop. I feel like the very first question, the very most common question we get is, is it sanitary? And I hate that word. I hate when people use that word like.
sorry people life is not sanitary and sex is not really sex isn't sanitary and life isn't sanitary yeah so Okay, we're just going to give it to you totally straight here. We want to be honest with you guys. We want you to have all the information you need to make a decision.
So when you have some sort of penetrative anal play, whether that's with fingers, a toy, a penis, whatever it is, you do have the possibility that that object is going to come in contact traces of fecal matter but the key here is traces so super quick little anatomy lesson the anus is just the outside of your butt the rectum is the inside and the rectum connects up
to the rest of your GI system, so the small intestine, the large intestine, all of that. I won't go super detailed with all the anatomy, but the most important thing to understand is that in the rectum, where you're having this sort of penetration, sitting there. Yeah, I think people just as assume like, oh, there's a huge load just waiting to come out and like poking it.
and yeah occasionally occasionally that may be true and i guarantee you you are not gonna want to be having any kind of anal play Nay, any type of intercourse, any type of sexual interaction. If you are literally about to poop, like if you are literally about to poop, stop having sexy time, go to the bathroom and poop. Common sense, people. After that happens, it's not just right there. Yeah.
So your poop slides through the rectum on its way out. It goes pretty quickly. It doesn't tend to leave like big amounts of it but again we just want to be honest and realistic with you guys like it does slide down it so there's the possibility that there are slight traces of it around there. Unfortunately, there are no like little men inside there like cleaning up the walls of your intestines. Wow. Little guys scrubbing away. Little rectum cleaners. So in general, like.
If you have had like an upset stomach, if you've had some messy bowel movements like that, you're going to be much more likely to run into the traces of fecal matter at that point. So that's why we typically recommend like, especially if you're a newbie or you're feeling. nervous about it like wait until you've either you haven't had a bowel movement in a while or you've had like just a nice good clean one you know they just the no wipers they just come right out
They're great. And the reality is, if you have just had a messy bowel movement or you do have an upset stomach, it's very unlikely that you are going to be feeling excited about having any kind of anal play. Typically, like if you're feeling kind of sick and gross, you're probably not even going to want to be having sex. So in Butt Stuff, we really detail for you some specific and very easy steps that you can take to minimize
any potential contact with even the slightest bit of residue. But what we really want to make clear to you today is like anal sex is actually a lot cleaner than you think. It's not going to be this like wildly messy, gross.
poop filled thing like it's actually very simple and the reality is like with like we were saying sex isn't sanitary like the reality with any kind of sex is that there are residues of things like yeah like like there's gonna be some urine residue on a guy's penis or like if you're going down a little shake shake instead of it
tap with a bit of tissue paper like we talked about the other day i have been doing that recently you have i'm trying oh my gosh i am i'm trying to be more sanitary it's because you got embarrassed because we put a poll up on instagram asking like penis owners do you do the shake shake or the the tap with a little bit of tissue paper and uh the majority
of penis owners said that they clean up with a little toilet paper so xander was like i gotta do this yes that is that is true when you just repeated that right now you know what what it did make me think though is that i bet a lot of guys are lying Because hear me out here, our audience on Instagram is like 93%.
Yeah. Women. So, hey, women out there, if you have a man in your life, convince him to follow us so that, you know, we have a little bit more representation from the males. Just grab his phone and follow us. But here's the thing, you know, like. If you just asked me out of the blue, like, hey, someone on Instagram is asking, like, do you dab your...
Do you wipe your penis or not after you pee? Like the guy's going to be like, oh yeah, yeah, of course I wipe. Being shamed into it. Yeah. Like who's going to be like, ah, no, I just raw dog that guy back in the pants. Ha ha ha. Rod dogged him back into the pants. Wow, you're on fire today.
Okay, so let's move on to the second of the two major concerns that come up with butt stuff, and that is pain. So we asked our Instagram audience, like, are you afraid that anal will hurt? And 85% of people said yes. So let's talk about pain here. So the rectum is very tight. and getting penetrated there, especially with something girthy, can feel uncomfortable and especially if you're new to anal play, you're just figuring this all out. But the bottom line is that anal should not hurt.
No form of sex should ever hurt. And we do walk you through again in butt stuff like specific steps to make sure that it doesn't hurt. But some of the big mistakes that people often make when they're first experimenting with it that then lead to pain are going straight for penetration. Like a lot of people just do. penis into the butthole right away like that's your first experience with anal play or that's like you know in your interaction
that's the first thing that you do. And like, that is a big no, no. Yeah. Or yeah. And, and, or like you go in with like, you, you basically try to replicate the way that you have, you know, vaginal sex. speed and intensity and no don't do not do that we're going to talk about that Yeah, that's the second thing that people, the second big mistake that people make is not going slow enough. You have to go slow.
so slow, especially at the beginning. So yeah, if you try to do it exactly like the way that you have vaginal intercourse, it will hurt. It will be a bad experience. It's going to be horrible and you're never going to want to do it again. So just don't do that. it's something new you have to kind of like think of it as this is a totally different thing it's not like oh we just swap out
the vagina for, or swap out the anus for the vagina. No, swap the vagina for the anus. Oh my God. I'm getting this backwards. Actually, I don't know. Swap the anus for the vagina. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Both of our brains just broke for a second. Okay, and then the third big mistake that people make is not using lube or not using enough lube. Lube is a non-negotiable when it comes to butt stuff. You absolutely must use it and must use.
honestly like way more than you think and you must continue to use it reapply or yeah people are like oh yeah i use some lube and then like a couple minutes later like i just thought it would be fine Keep going with the lube in the butt. Full on intercourse. Full on lube. Full on lube. Don't put the lube bottle in though. No, we'll get to that in a second. Let's talk about another big question that comes up.
straight men and anal play so we get a lot of questions about like my boyfriend or my husband wants me to touch his butt Make him gay. Or on the flip side, a lot of guys are going, oh no, I'm straight. I don't do that. We actually were just having a conversation with some of our friends and we were talking about this. And the guy was like, you know, I think I I'm too like I have too much internalized homophobia to allow myself to explore my butt.
So I think this is a huge, huge thing that comes up for so many people. Like, are straight men allowed to enjoy receiving anal play? So we asked our Instagram audience, like, how do you feel about straight men enjoying anal play? I was pretty proud of our responses here. One of the possibilities was no different than anyone else enjoying it. Spoiler alert is our answer. 57%. Hey, that's great.
There's still a lot, though. I know. There's still a lot of people to convince of this. So the next response we gave was, rationally, I think it's okay, but to be honest, I don't really get it. So I kind of wanted to get it like more of that nuanced feeling of like, I think it's okay, but there's just some like weird feeling that I have inside about it. That was 32%. And then I phrased this one really purposefully. I've been taught to believe that it's not permissible. That was 11.
So let's send it over to you, Xander. As a straight man, can straight men enjoy receiving anal play? Yes. As a very comfortably straight man, I can and I do enjoy anal play. It's really that simple. first i want to get into like where's this idea even coming from that straight men can't enjoy anal right like i think that the idea the logic kind of goes like this gay men have anal sex If I like anal sex or anal play or anything like the butt,
then I must be gay because gay men like anal, right? I can see the direction of that logic. But, like, let's think about what else do gay men like. Gay men like blowjobs, right? I think so. Yeah? So, do you like blowjobs as a straight man? I mean, gay men really like blowjobs, right? Like they love them. Does that make you gay if you like blowjobs? So look, there's nothing wrong with being gay.
Nothing wrong at all with being gay and there's nothing wrong with enjoying your butt being played with. or playing with somebody else's butt. But yeah, having sensation and experiencing pleasure from a certain part of your body stimulated, that doesn't say anything about your orientation. No, it doesn't say anything about your orientation. You were born with nerve endings in your butt. It's just an objective reality. Your sexual orientation has to do with how do you feel inside?
Who am I attracted to? Like your sexual orientation is not dependent on what types of sexual activities. do i enjoy like the reality is you have nerve endings in your anus so it's gonna feel good when somebody touches them in the right way that doesn't make you one way or another way Yeah, I mean, you could just completely tear this argument apart with basically any form of sex. Gay men like hand jobs.
lesbian women love going down on each other lesbian women love fingering each like we we just can't divide specific sex acts up based on orientation And also just to quickly throw it out there too, like not all gay men enjoy anal, not all any, anybody, any one group enjoys, you know, any specific thing. So.
Let's just get rid of this outdated and stupid stereotype. Like like Xander was saying, absolutely nothing wrong with being gay or however you choose to identify. We are fully supportive of whatever the hell you choose to identify as. Yeah. If you like something and you enjoy something.
Do that thing. Power two, yeah. Do that thing. If it makes you feel good, like that's the important thing. Like enjoy it wholeheartedly. Don't go off into like all these anxieties of, oh, well, who else likes this? Does this make me like them or whatever? All right, so maybe you're still a little hesitant. Let's get into the more specific and detailed questions that people... We got a lot of them. All right, let's start with this. If I have active hemorrhoids, can I still have anal?
oh yeah this question comes up all the time so we recommend avoiding any sort of anal if you have active hemorrhoids because here's the thing when you have hemorrhoids
your tissues are already inflamed. So any sort of anal play, penetration, like that can cause greater irritation, pain, bleeding. There's also a higher risk of STI transmission. So I know that some people have... complicated relationships with hemorrhoids definitely something to talk to your doctor about and check in with but in general if you have them like avoid anal play it's just not a great time to go back there
all right so you actually kind of alluded to this but people want to know can you actually orgasm from anal So you can orgasm from any kind of physical contact. Like some people can even have orgasms with zero physical contact. I mean, orgasms are pretty cool. But for the vast majority of people, it's just not really going to be possible to have orgasms from anal alone. For some people, you might be able to. And if you want to explore that.
Go for it. We definitely have lots of techniques in butt stuff. But just to set expectations for everybody, like the vast majority of people are not going to be able to. our recommendation is pairing anal play with some sort of genital stimulation. And we give a ton of techniques in the Butt Stuff Guide because a lot of people will find that you can orgasm.
so much harder and so much easier and so much easier and so much faster with a little bit of anal play added to the genital stimulation so it primes the pump so to speak It does. It does. Yeah. I mean, I think that, yeah, people will be surprised with like, you just need a little bit more stimulation and then. Yeah, surprise, surprise. It's happening pretty quick. It's happening. Okay, let me ask you this question. Okay. Do men care about hairy buttholes? We got...
So many versions of this question from women. So give it to us straight, Xander. I mean, look, I think the reality is that like, like any other part of the body, the butthole. I just realized in the second that I had a dream about this last night. Oh, okay. Maybe you should answer this question then. I had a dream. I thought Vanessa was actually like stopping me. Like we were going to cut this out. And I was like, oh, she's still going. Okay.
Oh my god, I had a dream that like, I don't know what I was doing. But I like looked in a mirror and realized like, oh my God, my butt was actually really hairy. Like I always thought there were just like a few hairs back there. And I'm always telling people like, oh, it's not that big of a deal. Don't worry about it. But it was like.
hairy like so much hair and then i was like whoa i didn't realize that this apparently there's some little part of my subconscious that has this fear too well i've never noticed babe okay well i never noticed well look what i what i was gonna say what i was gonna say is that you know like pretty much every other part of the body like the butthole has like some amount of hair or like some amount of hair can grow there. You know, I don't think like
Nobody has like a ponytail. It was like a ponytail in my dream. I was like, holy crap. How have I never noticed? There's so much back here. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't think I've ever noticed butthole hair. So, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like I'm saying, I don't think that most people don't have hair like overflowing. I mean, it varies from person to person, but I think overall we can say that there's pretty little hair back there. Yeah, there's pretty little hair. Yeah.
So the reality is that your partner may or may not care about the hair on your butthole. Like they might not even notice. Like me, I didn't notice. Well, we polled our audience on Instagram and the majority of people said that they do not care. in the slightest. Like the vast majority. I can't remember the number, but it was like 97% or something like that. Yeah. If you feel really nervous about it, you can always ask your partner if they have a preference, but ultimately.
It's your body and it's your choice as to what you do with your hair, like whether you get it waxed or not or whatever. I don't think there's a single person out there who has never experienced the frustration of sleep struggles. Like whether it's just an occasional bad night that you have or if this is something that comes up regularly for you.
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A lot of women asked us, like, I'm afraid that vaginal sex won't feel like enough for my husband after we try anal. So there was a sense of like, oh, he's going to like anal intercourse. Like, he's going to like it so much better that he's never going to want to have vaginal sex with me ever again.
All right, so the reality here is that vaginal and anal intercourse are totally different experiences. And of course, everyone is going to have their own preferences in the bedroom, but we've never heard of someone trying anal sex and suddenly hating vaginal intercourse.
It's different. It's not like a one or the other type of thing. Let me phrase it to you this way, because I think this is what's lurking behind this question is, you know, as women, as Volvo owners, we're taught to be really self-conscious about how tight we are. Oh, yeah.
And so it's this feeling of like, you know, and I think we hear a lot about this from women after they've had kids of like, I feel like I'm loose down there. And like, isn't the rectum going to be so much tighter? And then he'll just think my vagina is like loose and terrible and he can't feel anything. Well, I mean, my experience with this, yes, the anus is very tight. but it's super tight and you can't.
have intercourse in the same way like you need to go really slow like you often like can't really even put it all the way in and so it's a very different experience and yeah it's tighter but in my experience that was also like the drawback as well because it was like oh i can't like i can't stimulate myself as much because i'm going much
slower. So it didn't leave you with the feeling of like, ooh, now the vagina is just so loose and I can't feel anything. No, no, not at all. I mean, and another difference is the vagina feels a lot warmer. And, yeah, you know, it feels warmer. It feels different. Like, it's very enjoyable. It is cozier. It is much cozier. So... You know, like if I'm comparing side by side, it's like it's not quite as tight, but it has a lot of other really nice things going for it.
That's another sweatshirt idea. The vagina has a lot of really nice things going for it. Warm and cozy. All faithful, warm and cozy. That would be a great sweatshirt is like. is just like it has a lot of nice things going for it you don't say what it is but that would be like a way for pillow talks listeners to be able to be like i know what you're talking about i see your sweatshirt i get it
All right. Put that down on the merch ideas list. My endless merch ideas list. It's getting pretty long now. I know. All right. Back to you, Vanessa. Is anal sex safe? All right, another common question that we get. So I think the first thing that we need to talk about here is that there are people who have some pretty rough and vigorous anal sex. There are lots of things that you can do.
That can be pretty intense with the butt. And we are a no shame zone. Whatever it is that people want to do with their own bodies, we are totally cool with. And it's also important to acknowledge that if you do really intense activity in a part of your body that is pretty sensitive, you can have some impact.
Yeah, I mean, if you do any kind of intense activity, like if you do really intense workouts, there are some safety things to keep in mind. So all forms of sex come with some amount of risk and different kinds of risk. And it's up to each of us individually. to figure out which activities we feel comfortable taking that risk with so again like we're just really trying to give it to you straight here so that's why i wanted to start off with that but i will say
You know, especially the techniques that we share in butt stuff. We're really trying to make this feel like a safe, pleasurable, non-intimidating experience. So you're not going to cause any sort of damage. from doing these kinds of techniques. Yeah, the way that we suggest you do it is about the safest way.
that you possibly can't. Yeah, the guide's really emphasizing safety. Yeah, like one more reason to follow our advice and not just like, I'm going to watch a video online and have at it. Like, please don't. Please don't do that. So the vast majority of medical providers and researchers completely agree that anal sex is safe too. So that's just another thing to throw out there. All right. Now, what about this one?
I tried it in the past during a wild, drunken night with my partner. I think a lot of people can relate with this. You get up the courage. Oh, that courage is here. And now, hey, let's try it. Should I actually try it again? I'm very hesitant after that bad experience. Okay, so this is exactly why preparation is so important.
You have to know what you're doing. You have to follow the steps that we lay out for you in butt stuff. Otherwise, you really do risk the potential for pain and for having this negative experience that makes you say like, I don't ever want to do this again. So it might not be that full on anal intercourse in your anus. It might not be. I like the repeat of anal. That's good. Full on intercourse in my anus.
Might not be the thing for you, but there are also plenty of ways to stimulate the anus externally versus the rectum internally. You were actually, your whole line was. Technically incorrect. Oh, no. It passes through the anus into the rectum. Oh, man. Are we going to have to rerecord the whole episode now? Full on intercourse passing through my anus into my rectum. Yeah, full on intercourse.
From the anus to the rectum. So yeah, you can do external stimulation if it just feels like, you know, penetration isn't the thing for me. But if you, your one and only experience with penetration was when you were drunk or unprepared. then I think it's worth another try. But that's your decision to make. Yeah. And I mean, I would also highly recommend that you try it when you are sober, because when you are inebriated on anything, like sometimes, you know, our...
We're not working with our full faculties. Our judgment isn't always the best. Sometimes, you know, we think we're going really slow and we're not or we forget and skip a couple important steps. So yeah, it generally, you know, we hear from a lot of people that have a negative experience because, you know, they were a bit inebriated. Yeah. And yeah, we recommend do it sober, follow the steps.
And enjoy. Because yeah, we did one more poll on Instagram and we asked of the people who had tried any form of anal play. Did you feel prepared for it? Did you feel like you knew what you were doing? You had the tools and resources. And 65% of people said that they felt unprepared.
So I am guessing that a lot of people have had negative first time experiences, just like this question. And that's really why we recorded this podcast and especially why we created our butt stuff guide, because we want you to feel prepared. We want you to feel excited. We want you to have that anticipation. So in the guide. And a good experience. Yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. And a really pleasurable experience.
So what we do in the guide is we give you like a really full step by step breakdown of the ins and outs. And the behinds of butt stuff. The around the corners and the behind the scenes. You know, so that's like all of our best tips. positions for every body type, every experience level. And just detail. Yeah, just so much detail. so many options like we were we've been saying you know before that there's so much more to anal play than just
full on intercourse in your anus. I'm just going to keep saying it, even though now I know in my anus, even though it's incorrect now. So, yeah, I mean, the guide has got you covered whether you want to be using toys. fingers, a penis, whether you're just beginning or like you're looking for more advanced tips as
your exploration grows. Oh, we've got a lot of advanced tips. Our guide grows with you. And not only that, but it is really tastefully illustrated. The keyword here is illustrated, not like. photographs or pictures, but illustrations, they're very tasteful. We're really proud of them.
those illustrations really help like help walk you through every last detail so that you know what to do you can see what to do so you know you feel like you are totally prepared from that initial preparation all the way through to the aftercare after the deed is done. And like all of our guides, you get lifetime access.
to it you can peek at it anytime you want to explore any of your old favorite tips and ideas you want to try something new or you want to get a quick refresher you want it to grow with you yeah let us grow with you I like that line. Let us grow with you. Let us grow larger with you.
Okay, maybe too far. Yeah, it's a little too far. We'll just grow with you. We'll grow with you. We also very frequently get asked, how do I talk to my partner about trying it? Like I really want to, but my partner seems a bit more hesitant.
So we also have a free guide that we are going to give to you. So regardless of if you want to sign up for butt stuff or not, we have a free guide that we will link in the show notes that will walk you through how to talk about exploring butt stuff with your partner, like how to bring it up.
how to share your curiosities in a way that still feels like open and supportive to your partner. And we have tons of like specific examples of exactly what to say in the guide. So we will link to that in the show notes. Because here's the thing, at the end of the day, Actually, this is our final poll. I misspoke earlier. We asked people on Instagram, like, are you glad that you tried butt stuff? And 70% of people said that they are. The majority of them said that they really enjoyed it.
and the others were people who had felt unprepared before and didn't wind up having the greatest experience. So, you know, I think it's just, it's really something that's worth exploring. Again, even if it's just the one and only time you do it, it's definitely worth. taking a little trip backdoor, seeing what the experience is like for you. So we hope we've left you with the curiosity and the excitement to go explore backdoor.
All right. Well, that is it for our butt stuff re-air. Hope you loved it. And remember, check out the show notes for links to grab butt stuff. and Dirty Talk 101 before they disappear forever or just join us in deeper and get them and a number of other things as well.