Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
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Does it ever feel like you and your partner are just never on the same page when it comes to sex? One of you wants it more often. One of you needs things to be just right. One of you initiates. One of you never does. It can feel frustrating, confusing, and even a little bit lonely. But there’s a good chance the issue isn’t actually about how much you want sex… it’s about how you want sex. In today’s episode, we’re breaking down one of the most important tools we’ve ever shared: the two sex drive...
This week, we’re diving into something that seems simple but holds a lot of power in your relationship: touch. Whether it's a lingering hug, a soft shoulder squeeze, or just holding hands while watching Netflix — physical touch is one of the most important (and underrated) ways to build connection, intimacy, and trust. But if you’ve found yourselves touching less — or if touch feels off somehow — you’re not alone. We asked our audience, and: 47% said they want more touch 37% said they want bette...
Have you ever wanted a peek inside a man’s brain? 🧠 We’re back with Part 3 of one of our most talked-about episode series — answering all the burning, bizarre, and brutally honest questions you’ve always wanted to ask men. This week, we’re diving into what men really think about everything from doggy style to aging to the internet daddy of the moment, Pedro Pascal. 🎙️ Here’s what we’re getting into: What are men actually looking at during doggy style? What do they think when they see a woman w...
Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? It’s a term Vanessa coined—and when we posted about it on TikTok, over 8 million people watched. (You can watch that here 👉 https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessaandxander/video/7206335375453867306?lang=en) The Bristle Reaction is that moment when your partner reaches out for a hug or a kiss… and your body instinctively recoils. Even when you love your partner deeply, their touch can sometimes create a sense of tension or irritation—and it’s more common than you...
Vanessa, a sex therapist, and Xander, her husband, answer listener-submitted questions covering a wide range of intimate topics. They tackle questions about unusual sexual practices like keeping a penis in all night, the normalcy of not kissing during sex, defining pegging, whether other life experiences can be better than sex, concerns about vasectomies and masculinity, the risks of penis pumps, myths about postpartum sex, how to participate during intercourse, and understanding different desire types.
Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood… Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected… This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship? Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal. We’re walking through rea...
This episode explores how mental load—the invisible labor of managing a household and family—significantly impacts couples' sex lives and overall relationship satisfaction. Vanessa and Xander discuss why it feels exhausting, leads to resentment, makes partners feel like children, and kills desire, as confirmed by audience polls. They offer practical tools like creating a clear, equitable plan and address common questions about getting partners to understand and share the load.
In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected. No grand gestures. No impossible checklists. Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically. Here’s what we’re covering: The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩 How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth) A step...
Vanessa and Xander revisit a popular episode discussing the 5 common foreplay mistakes, emphasizing its importance for pleasure and intimacy. They cover issues like treating foreplay as optional, limiting it to the start of sex, struggles with receiving, lack of feedback, and not enjoying the experience. The episode offers practical tips to enhance foreplay and overall sexual satisfaction.
Vanessa and Xander re-air their popular episode on butt stuff, addressing common fears, misconceptions, and questions. They discuss safety, hygiene, pleasure, and societal stigmas around anal play. They also promote their new membership, Deeper, and the retirement of individual guides like Butt Stuff 101 and Dirty Talk 101.
Vanessa and Xander coach two couples navigating relatable challenges. The first couple seeks to spice up their sex life, addressing issues of quick encounters and lack of passion. The second couple grapples with the woman's inability to orgasm, exploring the role of confidence and self-discovery. Practical tools and compassion are offered to improve connection and pleasure.
If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped. We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just c...
Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch? What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex? A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀 This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?” And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD. Here’s what we’re dishing on in this episode: Is emotional intimacy outside your relationship OK? When fanta...
We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you. From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep...
🎙️ Welcome to our very first coaching episode! Ever feel stuck in your sex life — like you know things could be better but have no idea how to fix them? That’s exactly where today’s couple is. In this special, brand-new format, we’re coaching a real life couple, and diving deep into mismatched desire, stress, and the invisible walls keeping them from a more connected, fulfilling sex life. We break down: 💬 When one partner feels standoffish about sex – What’s really behind the hesitation? ⚖️ Ba...
🎉 We made it to 200 episodes! 🎉 It’s wild to think about how far this podcast has come. There’s one thing we know for sure… we couldn’t have come this far without YOU. That’s why for this very special episode, we decided to celebrate by letting you ask us… …absolutely ANYTHING. And you didn’t disappoint. From personal confessions to relationship deep dives to behind-the-scenes business secrets, no topic was off-limits. Tune in for an unfiltered, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation where we t...
En este episodio de Pillow Talks, Vanessa y Xander abordan dilemas de relación como la masturbación, el revisar el teléfono de la pareja, y la culpa por viajes laborales. Exploran si los involucrados son 'el idiota' en cada escenario, ofreciendo consejos y reflexiones.
Initiating sex in your relationship should feel exciting, not frustrating—but let’s be real… for most couples, it’s anything but smooth. Whether you're feeling stuck, rejected, or just plain awkward when it comes to getting things started in the bedroom, today’s episode is here to help! We surveyed our audience, and only 17% of people said they’re happy with how initiation is going in their relationship. That means a lot of us are struggling with: 🚨 Feeling like one partner is always initiating...
Vanessa and Xander answer listener questions about intimacy and relationships, covering topics like sexsomnia, the death grip, mismatched desires for affection during chores, and how to bounce back from disappointing sexual experiences. They also discuss managing defensiveness in marriage and the reality of sexual frustration, offering practical advice and communication strategies. Listeners are encouraged to explore initiation styles with a free guide.
Unlock deeper intimacy with the new Sex Talks Card Deck! Inspired by their bestselling book, Vanessa and Xander introduce the 90 prompts designed to spark fun, flirty, and transformative conversations about sex. They explain the five core conversation categories and share listener feedback, plus answer several prompts live from the deck.
Cowgirl is one of the most empowering positions in the bedroom—so why do so many of us avoid it? 🤠 If you’ve ever felt awkward, unsure, or just plain tired when trying Cowgirl, this episode is for you! We’re breaking down everything you need to know to master this position with confidence—from why it’s one of the best for pleasure to how to move in a way that feels amazing (and doesn’t leave your thighs burning after 30 seconds). Get ready for expert-backed tips, tricks, and techniques that’ll ...
Have you ever wondered if there’s something you do in the bedroom that your partner secretly (or not-so-secretly) wishes you’d stop doing? Well, you’re not alone. A while back, we asked our audience this very question, and the responses came flooding in. So many, in fact, that we had to bring this topic back for Part 2! In today’s episode, we’re diving into the most common complaints from partners about what they wish their significant other would stop doing in the bedroom. We’re covering everyt...
Ever wonder what we really want to say when someone leaves a spicy comment on one of our social media posts? Well, you’re in for a treat. Social media has been an incredible way to connect with our community, share free resources, and help couples build their best relationships. But putting ourselves out there also means we encounter some… interesting feedback. In this episode, we’re diving into the comment sections of our most viral posts. From debates about quickie intimacy to whether or not y...
We’re diving into part 4 of one of our favorite series, “Is This Normal?” We’ll be exploring topics like: Is it normal for my husband to have absolutely no sex drive? Is it normal to never have fought? Is it normal for my partner to talk in a baby voice and for it to turn me off? And even more of your questions! This episode is packed with real talk, judgment-free advice, and practical tips to help you navigate these tricky (and sometimes awkward!) situations. Links & Resources: Reignite you...
If you were raised in Purity Culture, you already know how challenging it can be to overcome now that you’re an adult. You spent years being taught that it’s important for you to be wholesome, that pleasure is sinful, and that there are very specific rules you need to follow. In this episode, we’re sharing stories from people who were raised in Purity Culture, and giving you step-by-step tips for overcoming shame. Links and Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmthe...
Have you ever wanted something from your partner, but found yourself wondering, “Am I asking too much?” Or has your partner ever asked you for something that didn’t feel reasonable to you? We asked our community to share some of their questionable relationship requests, and the responses were fascinating! Tune in as we break down the line between what’s reasonable, what’s ridiculous, and what’s simply part of being in a relationship. Links & Resources: Your Best Week Ever is designed to give...
It’s officially 2025 and you might be feeling like your relationship could use a fresh start. We asked our Instagram audience if they’ve ever wished for a fresh start in their relationship—and the responses came pouring in! We’re reading through your submissions, sharing our thoughts, and offering practical advice for anyone looking to refresh their connection with their partner. Whether you’re dealing with intimacy, post-pregnancy, or even income issues, we’ve got you covered with tips to help ...
We were feeling inspired… The Ultimatum is back on Netflix, and it was wild. It left us wondering if our own audience has ever given (or been given) a relationship ultimatum, so we asked! In this episode, we’re breaking down your ultimatums and sharing our opinions and advice. If you’ve ever considered giving an ultimatum - or if you’re just curious about the ones other people have issued - this is a must-listen! Links & Resources: Reignite your love life in just 7 days? ➡︎ https://shop.vmth...
Tis the Season for DRAMA! We’re so excited to bring you another hilarious “Am I The Asshole?” episode this week. In the theme of the season, we’re doing another holiday edition. We’re talking about affairs, secret Santa mishaps, and a disastrous salmon situation. Get ready to grab your coziest blanket and cup of cocoa for this new episode of one of our favorite series! Links & Resources: Join our VIP email list Follow us on Instagram If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for yo...
There are a ton of topics we want to cover on this podcast, but sometimes we just don’t have enough material to make a full hour-long episode for each one. So we’re trying something new to give you our hottest takes and tips… a multi-topic episode! Today we’re talking about being non-hetero in a male-female relationship, period sex, and internal versus external processors. Think of this episode like a podcast tossed salad and get ready to dive in. Links & Resources: Join our VIP email list F...
