How To Stop Self-Sabotaging Relationships - Episode #81

How confidence impacts you as an individual , whether that be , you know , in your workplace or when it comes to anxiety and managing stress . But today we're going to talk about how lack of confidence can impact your relationship . So let's go ahead and jump right into it Out the gate .

When your confidence is not at a healthy level , you will end up with communication issues in your relationship . You're like OK , how , Jason , how Break this down ? I will . So one you will notice in your relationship you will find yourself doing one or two things .

One you might be more aggressive when you talk , meaning you feel like I got to get it all out . You got to be listening and looking at me , paying attention . You want your partner hanging on to every word because they have to hear you and know that what you mean is gospel , what you mean is important in any hit of them .

Not listening to you , You're taking that very , very personally . Wait , hold on and you may raise your voice more , you may become more aggressive , because you're trying to dominate that space right there . The other way it can show up is you don't say anything . You'll find yourself being too quiet .

Let's think about some issues that you're going through in your relationship and you you knew this was an issue , but you didn't speak up about it . And time goes by and it happens again and you don't say nothing . And again and again , and that's the lack of confidence causing you to be quiet when you really need to voice your opinion on something .

And then you look up , years go by and you think , well , how did we get here in this relationship ? How did we end up here in this relationship , right ? How did we end up ? You know , moving across the country ? Or how did I give up my job ? How did I give up my hobbies ? How did this happen ?

You were silent the whole time when you should have been advocating for yourself and actually speaking your mind , right ? You know , mean what you say . Say what you mean . You were silent because you lacked confidence . Say , say what you mean . You were silent because you lacked confidence . That's the first way that confidence can impact your relationship negatively .

The second way that it can show up is you will find yourself having very poor conflict resolution . So now you and your partner , y'all getting into it , but nothing is getting resolved because you becoming very defensive in the argument or you may find yourself shutting down big time .

So the lack of you having good conflict resolution skills is now impacting your relationship . But if you were more confident , you wouldn't take things as personal or as personally , however you want to put it . Now I will say you may still be defensive and you may still want to prove your point . However , when things come up , you will say you know what ?

Let me not focus on you , let's focus on the problem , let's attack the issue . But if you feel like everything is an attack , you're not going to get anywhere . The third one is insecurity .

Now , this one is huge because when you don't address your insecurities now , you will get into that relationship and looking for your partner to validate you every step of the way . So now , what do you think about this ?

Or if you got a decision to make , you want their opinion Almost to the point where it becomes a problem , or vice versa , Maybe your partner is seeking external validation because they lack confidence . This reminds me of you ever see a couple out and you thinking , oh man , why , why is she wearing that or why is he dressed like that ?

Why did they let that happen ? Now , for some couples , this is just how they roll . But sometimes that partner feels like I have to look a certain way , to feel a certain way , even if it means that I'm jeopardizing my relationship , or I have to act a certain way out of insecurity .

Maybe you end up being a little bit more flirtatious because you want to make sure that your partner knows that you're attractive , but they know that , but your insecurity doesn't make you feel that .

This is why we have to address our own stuff before we hop into a relationship , because what can happen is we can shift the blame and say , no , this is , this is about you . You're making me feel this way . No , no , no , no , no . Nobody is making you feel anything . Making you feel anything .

There may be past hurt , past trauma , past issues that haven't been addressed , and now they're showing up by you being more insecure . So that validation or seeking validation from other people that will cause a lot of problems in a relationship . Hey , Peace and Prosperity family .

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There may be some times where you fear being rejected and because of that fear , you're doing things in a relationship that you just wouldn't do . You're bending over backwards . You have no boundaries . You're letting your partner talk to you crazy . You're letting them disrespect you . You're letting them take advantage of you . They're showing out in front of the kids .

Now you feel like I have to let them do this because I don't want to be by myself . And maybe this is not something that you think about at the forefront , but on a deeper level . You're letting it happen because of the lack of confidence . You think if I stand up for myself , if I become assertive , then they won't want me .

And now nobody will want me and I'll be alone . We go to the worst extreme . The last thing I want to say about you know the lack of confidence and how it shows up , or you know what it can do in a relationship is that you will find yourself becoming somebody who you don't even know . What do I mean ?

I mean that because you didn't have boundaries , because you fear rejection , because there were communication issues , you are now showing up in a relationship as a shell of yourself and you're looking up it's been months later or maybe years later and you're asking yourself how in the heck did I get here ? That's because you stopped working on yourself .

You put all the stock into the relationship or into your partner . You never advocated for yourself , you never said no , you only let your partner run things . And now , because of that , you're disappointed in yourself , you're embarrassed , you're ashamed of where you are now . So this is why I'm so big on you building up your confidence as an individual .

So when you get into the relationship , you know how to not be passive and be quiet , but speak your mind . There may be decisions that have to be made . Maybe you're all about to move in together . Let's talk about the bills . Let's not just think we're going to figure it out . But how are we going to figure it out ?

What do you want this space to look like ? There may be questions that you want to ask hey , who is that person ? What does that person mean to you ? That essentially needs to be answered , but because of fear , you're not asking the question .

So now , emotions are growing stronger , you're falling in love with this person , you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person , but there are so many different issues that haven't standards that are true and near to your heart .

Listen , y'all , the lack of confidence in relationships would not only cause problems in the beginning , but it will cause problems over and over and over again . So it's best to address it early , address it head on and know that you are doing the best thing for you and your future .

When you do so , all right , y'all , we might have to do a part two on this one . I'm just saying this was heavy . Get a guest on here . Let me know who y'all want me to have this conversation with . All right y'all . Peace .

Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity podcast . Again , if you are feeling like , hey , I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety , don't beat yourself up about it . It is okay .

We all experience anxiety from time to time , and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own , but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through .

Okay , and lastly , make sure , if you have not like , share , subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend , and if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations , let me know . You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up . All right , y'all Be blessed , peace .