¶ Setting Boundaries
All right , all right . So we are back with another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast . I'm your host , jason Phillips , licensed therapist , confidence expert , and today we're going to be talking about how can you be your best self by setting better boundaries .
Setting better boundaries , now , this is a topic that I've been able to explore with a bunch of my friends and other guests and therapists , coaches on the podcast before , but it's something that we have to revisit , because today I'm hearing it more and more often in my sessions and when I do speaking engagements , where people are struggling with putting themselves
first or even prioritizing themselves at all . There , what we're doing is we're putting ourselves last on the list , and it's hurting us in the long run . So if you're someone who struggles with setting these boundaries , this is what I want you to do First thing . First , I want you to identify what are your priorities and what are your values .
What does this mean ? What are the things that are important to you ? Not your partner , not your parents , not your kids , not your boss . But what are your priorities ?
See , sometimes we haven't really thought about what our priorities are , because we've been so busy doing and pleasing other people we haven't had a second to sit back and think , oh , this is what I like to do , or this is what I value , and this is how I'm showing up , and this is how I'm going to integrate this into my life . See , so like for me .
I value exercise . I value , you know , some downtime . I also value education , which is why , you know , I'm in school , but these are things that I know outside of . You know , being a husband , being a father , being a good family member , these are some of the other things that I value .
So , because I know that , I know that it's important for me to get in the gym , or it may be important for me to just kind of sit back , watch a funny movie , but I'm doing the things that make me feel good and not just doing things for other people , because we get caught up on so many other things that our values end up getting pushed way down and
then we find ourselves feeling like , man , I'm not myself anymore , or dang , how did I get to be where I'm just going and I don't even know the direction . Well , do you know what your priorities are ? When somebody asks you to do something , like they ask you to hang out , they might ask you to come over , visit , you know .
Do something fun , even go on a vacation . You have to ask yourself one , you know , do I want to even hang out with them , right ? You know what I mean . Sometimes we don't have the energy for everybody , and that's okay too . Or two , is this something that aligns with what I'm trying to kind of pour into my life ?
So , for instance , if you prioritize travel and seeing the world , when somebody asks you about going on a vacation , if it's somewhere you want to go , this may be a win-win for both of y'all . But if you're not in that season in your life , your money's tight or maybe you don't have the time for it . That's a hard no . Or maybe it's an easy no , honestly .
But you have to think where am I and what do I have room for , before I just start over committing , because we'll do that because we don't want people to not like us . Overcommitting , because we'll do that because we don't want people to not like us , or it sounds good in the moment , but it really does not align with our priorities or our values .
Secondly , when we are working on our boundaries and putting ourselves first , we have to communicate . But when we communicate , it has to be clear and it has to be assertive . Y'all .
Long are the days where we can say , hmm , let me think about it , or you know what , maybe because people will follow back up with you pretty quickly , like I know you told me maybe yesterday , can I turn that maybe into a yes , can I turn that maybe into I think so .
People can be really persistent , especially depending on who you're setting the boundaries with . Like some people , you can tell them , no , I can't do it , and they'll say , oh , hey , no problem , I'll get with you next time . But then there are some people where you tell them , no , I can't , oh , why not ?
Come on , don't do that to me , man , you told me that last time . Oh , so that's what it's like . You don't have time for your friends anymore . You're going to do me like that . They try to guilt trip you . Now that's a whole other podcast . We're not going to get into that .
But I want you to communicate your no's really assertively and clearly , and I would also say swiftly too , like if you know this is something that does not fit for you . There's no real reason in delaying the no . It may feel like you have to think about it , but sometimes we know it's a no , but we're like , oh , how do I say the no ?
The best way to say the no is to say the no . When we are slow with our no , we give people hope , like , oh , maybe you know , maybe tomorrow they're going to , they're going to change their mind , or maybe , if I do this , then that'll get them closer to a yes .
When you know sometimes there is nothing that person can do , that's going to make them get closer to a yes . So I want you to be assertive and be okay with it . People will respect you more with that assertive no .
I don't care if you're talking to your partner , your family member , whoever that is , because they'll know wow , you know what Brandy is really committed to working out right now , or Brandy is really committed to you know his job or his career . It doesn't make you a bad person .
It makes you actually a person of integrity , responsibility , and people will know , like you know what I respect , that I can rock with that . Hey , peace and Prosperity family . I want to take a moment to talk about something vital for all organizations employee wellness . Here's what some of the past organizations have shared about their experiences .
So far , I've learned that my mental health has a huge impact as a leader on my team's health , but also to be looking out for signs that I've already been seeing and learning tips on how I can take those back to help myself as well as my team .
So I really appreciate Jason because he really put a lot of stuff in perspective for me . I don't get a lot of days off you know what I'm saying so when I do take one off , I feel really , really guilty .
It's like , oh my gosh , I got so much to do , but knowing that , like , hey , it's okay , take a break , be yourself and then come back to this and you'll be better , it's just , it's nice to keep hearing that .
So that's good , but it was good to reevaluate and see that you know , everyone has burnout , things like that and also just learning how to deal with it more effectively . Be yourself , love yourself , and other people are going to love you too . Like regardless . And workplace is not just workplace , this is family .
He was a great speaker , probably one of the best ones that I've seen so far .
If you're interested in investing in your team's mental health , visit Jason L Phillips dot com or visit the link below , and let's talk about creating a thriving work environment for your organization . A thriving work environment for your organization
¶ Prioritizing Personal Time and Self-Care
. Now back to the episode . Next thing I want you to do when it comes to setting boundaries for yourself . I want you to set some personal time aside for you . We schedule so many other things , but are you scheduling time for yourself ? This could mean taking yourself out on a sweet date .
This could mean , like sometimes for me it's allocating time to just play Madden , like that's all I'm doing for that , you know , hour or two or three . It just depends on what I got going on here . I'm be honest . But it's okay to set the time , but I want you to set it and stick to it .
Don't make empty promises to yourself , saying , oh , I'm going to do this for me and then , when that time comes , oh man , you know what I'm going to have to reschedule . So you , that means you have prioritized everybody else , you were on time for them and what they had , but you , but you reschedule on yourself .
It's kind of like I hear this and I've done it before too . On yourself . It's kind of like I hear this , and I've done it before too where we make sure we get everybody else to their appointments or if , like , if you're a therapist , you make sure you're there for everybody and their appointments , you don't call off or nothing .
But then sometimes you have your own appointment and you're like you know what , I'm going to go ahead and reschedule this one . It's like , wait what ? You just made sure that everybody else got to there , what they needed to do , but you're going to reschedule something that's for you . No , set that personal time for you and stick to it .
The next thing you want to do when you're setting boundaries for yourself , your time is of the essence . For yourself , your time is of the essence , as my homie , dr RJ would say . Before you commit , make sure you check your calendar , which is your board of directors .
So I want you to make sure you give a slow yes and a fast no , and I also want you to set limits on your availability . Has anybody ever asked you like , hey , what you got going on on Friday ? You know , ok , I'm free , or what you doing this weekend ? I don't think nothing . Oh , can you help me move ? Oh , can you ?
Can you go to the mall with me . Oh , can you run a few errands when I was growing up . People don't really say as much now , but it'll be . Hey , I need you to shoot a move with me . All right , shoot a move . What does that mean ? It'll be . Hey , I need you to shoot a move with me . All right , shoot a move . What does that mean ?
Sometimes , shooting a move can end up being an all day , all night thing . Y'all know what I'm talking about . For those who listen , let me know , like , shoot me a message or something . When you somebody will say I need you to shoot a move with me , that shoot a move could be eight , nine hours in your mind .
That shooter move could be eight , nine hours In your mind . You probably planned on an hour , maybe two . So set limits on your availability . Your time is precious . And then , last but definitely not least , I want you to start practicing self-care and self-reflection .
Take inventory of what's working for you , like , what are the things that , for your self-care , have been fabulous ? You do it seamlessly , you can do it with the routine , you can flow right into it . But then what are those things that you're still struggling with ?
What are those consistent themes where you find yourself running into roadblocks in this area of your life and you know , if you had maybe more more training , if you had more coaching , more therapy around this particular thing or issue , it will make you that much better . That's you also prioritizing yourself , setting that boundary and pouring back into you .
¶ Embracing Self-Care and Boundaries
We cannot slip on practicing self-care and self-reflection , whether you do it with your journal or whether you do it with your therapist , whether you do it with your coach , your mentor . I want you to take that time out and have it just for you . Yeah , when it comes to setting these boundaries , we gotta be tight .
Long gone are the days where we can just kinda think that other people are going to respect our time , they're going to respect our space and we don't have to be really intentional about this . Hey , as always , y'all be blessed Peace about this . Hey , as always , y'all be blessed Peace .
Thank you all for listening to another episode of the Peace and Prosperity Podcast . Again , if you are feeling like , hey , I'm experiencing high functioning anxiety , don't beat yourself up about it . It is okay .
We all experience anxiety from time to time , and I gave you a couple of things that you can do on your own , but don't hesitate to reach out to a professional to better manage what you're going through .
Okay , and lastly , make sure , if you have not like , share , subscribe to the podcast and send this out to a friend , and if you want to hear certain episodes or have certain conversations , let me know . You can shoot me a DM or just leave a review and I will definitely follow up . All right , y'all be blessed , peace .