‘I Wish It Was You That Was Dead'

eleven years. Janice Pocket was only seven years old when she disappeared in ninety three after leaving home on her bicycle in search of a dead butterfly she had tucked behind a rock a third of a mile down the road from her house. There was one witness, a neighbor who saw a blue station wagon parked blocking the road and a man wearing a khaki colored uniform of sorts walking towards the direction Janice went the neighbor since the man was following something or someone down the road. But

this lead never went anywhere for law enforcement. For years, I had been hearing about this nurse from Janice's school who might have information, big information. The only problem, no one could get in touch with her. So I spoke to Janice's sister about it. One day, after checking with some old neighborhood friends. She came back to me with a phone number and an address. I called and there she was Nurse Irene Race, talking about that time period

so long ago. I was a school nurse in that building and she was transferring to another building when she went into grade three, and I get all my health records together. I checked everyone and then send them over. The school year had closed out, being July. The summer of nineteen seventy three was in full swing. Kids were out and about, playing and enjoying the time off. The new school year was two months away. In September, Nurse Irene was transferring records for each student moving from one

grade to the next. As she was going about this annual routine, Irene noticed something odd. Her record was the only one of my records that was missing. I assumed she discovered Janice's medical records missing after the search for Janice began. But information in cold cases needs to be run down and double checked because it is often woven

with innuendo and rumor. And wouldn't you know the idea that Irene realized Janice's records disappeared after Janice vanished and police started asking questions, was wrong actually that record was missing right before. From what I can recall, I was getting the records together to go, and of course I checked every single one and hers was missing them and I was a little surprised. I'm very careful with health records. A lot of information in those records, yeah, including her address.

Right Where were the records kept in the school health office? In a file, you know, one of the large four draw files. I will tell you that that file was not kept blocked back then, it didn't appear to be the sort of thing you needed to be concerned about these files for not to keep blocked. Besides the school nurse, who else would have had access to that room where students records were kept. It was nineteen seventy three, and as Irene says, there was a lack of daisical approach

to storing personal information. The hip Hop Privacy Rule, a law protecting patients medical records keeping them private, was not signed into law until nineteen Let me ask periodically, were there are other people who would come in from the school district, that worked for the school district, that traveled around to each school and talent. From what I can recall, the only ones that would uh come with be like a maintenance person, a main its worker. Now that's interesting.

I make a mental note to check out the school's employment history during the time Janice went missing. It's a solid lead. After years of interviewing hundreds of people, I'm familiar with the set of names connected to these cases. This could be that one tip pointing me to a new name within my investigation. It could also be a simple instance of a misplaced file sending me down a rabbit hole. Still I cannot ignore it or downplay how important I think it is, beckoning me in a new direction.

It was not missile that was never found. It evaporated, just like she did unfortunately previously on paper ghosts. The next thing I remember is my sister, and she had asked if she could go to get the butterfly. This is so silly, but I felt bad. I'm like I should have gone with her. It was a guy. Nobody was in the car. He was walking looking ahead, very quietly. It haunted me all this time. I can see it as if it just happened. I think it over here and find out what you are sticking out. So I

stopped thinking at that point. My name is m William Phelps. This is paper ghosts. As I make serious progress with my investigation into what happened to Jane's Pocket that summer day, I cannot stop thinking about the other missing girls I've been searching for as well, and if there is some sort of connection among them. I mentioned in the last episode how the neighboring towns of Ellington, Vernon and Talland Connecticut were on high alert when Jani's Pocket went missing.

I mean, you ask any one in this area even today, all these years later, and they will all recall that name associated with that butterfly. And what makes this case even more creepy is the fact that one year after Janice Pocket went missing, another young girl was abducted just a few miles from where Janice was last seen. The case I've been investigating the longest is thirteen year old Lisa Joy White subduction. I have a very personal stake

in this one. I've known Lisa's sister, April White Filetti, for over thirty years. We grew up around here. She's like family. Hello. April has been a dance studio owner and instructor for decades. She has a relentless energy about her. She's very petite, white blonde hair past her shoulders. I meet her at the studio she owns in Ellington, Connecticut. There's flashy dance garb hanging everywhere, dozens of championship awards

on the walls. Young girls Lisa whites age, some of whom even resemble her, running around getting ready, putting on their point shoes, selecting rehearsal music. April and I sit down on a round couch in the center of the studio's reception area. She explains what it was like back when Ellington and Vernon were small Connecticut country towns. Just

after her sister disappeared in nineteen seventy four. The outreach was massive, the public outcry for police to find Lisa intense, some residents showing up at the Vernon police department demanding justice. I moved into Vernon in nineteen seventy nine, five years after Lisa went missing, and recall even then how stirred

up everyone still was about Lisa's case. You went to the post office, Little League games, local gas station, and there was Lisa's face now next to Janie's and another young girl I'll focus on in a future episode on a poster missing scrawled across the top, three young girls who now would define the term in this part of New England. Seeing those posters, such innocent faces and that one word missing. As a twelve year old myself terrified

me whose photo would be next on those posters everywhere? Everywhere, on telephone poles, in our one grocery store, in the library. I mean even I was in um Elementary School, Maple Street and they were hanging there. And it just every time you see when it, it just just takes your breath away, just knocks the wind out of here. That pain is ubiquitous, always there, It's forever, no matter the outcome. I saw it on Judy Kelly, April and Lisa's mother

every time we met. April, whenever we begin talking about Lisa has the same shallow gaze, which tells me the mere mention of her sister brings her right back. Time doesn't change anything. And I knew that there'd be a poster, you know, I would literally tremble. You know, this could happen to me as well, you know, but just knowing the pain, the anguish that my mother was going through. I remember that, especially right after it happened, when you

would see posters. I almost felt embarrassed because I didn't want people thinking that my mother was a bad mother. But I also lived in in Lisa's shadow. On this day, forty years ago, a teenage girl disappeared in Vernon. Well today, the community came together to remember Lisa Joy White and make sure that she is not forgotten. April and I established the Lisa White Stone Memorial with the help of volunteers in two thousand fourteen at Talcott Park in Rockville, Connecticut.

It was the anniversary of Lisa's disappearance, and the Mayor of Vernon was on hand, as were several members of the Vernon Police Department. I've come to know over the years about a hundred people showed up. That's love, that's commitment, that's community. The memorial is a stone boulder, actually about the size of a golf cart. Etched in it is Lisa's class photo underneath the words gone but not forgotten.

It the same image plastered on missing person flyers and posters, exemplifying Lisa's piercing blue eyes, golden blonde hair parted in the middle, sweeping just over her shoulders. Lisa displays a half smile smirk which kind of speaks to her character. The memorial is as much a dedication to Lisa as it is to Judy Kelly April and Lisa's mother. Judy was a single mom, three kids, working three different jobs,

trying to make ends meet. Um. Very hard worker. Did her best to get us to all our extracurricular activities, the cheerleading, the dance, the baseball, the football, and did an awesome job with that. And dance though, was the focus for Lisa. Wasn't your focus? No? I went because Lisa went, and you kind of took over. Really what was Lisa's dream? Correct? Yes? Where we are right now at the studio and you ran with it. Yes, it was very important to Judy. Um. Sometimes I felt I

was trying to be two people. I was trying to be Lisa and myself, which is a lot of pressure, especially you know, the teenager and and whatever. But without Lisa I would have never started dancing. That was her thing. She was extremely talented, um strong as a bull. Lisa was a natural acrobat and dancer. Silent eight millimeter home movies showed this side of her, but she also had an independence about her. Even at a young age. She was driven by a need to be autonomous, to rebel,

to stare authority in its eyes and confront it. Unfortunately, when she started hanging around the wrong people her interest kind of yes, it did. I mean Lisa was kind of tough, right, yes, yes, very tough, very bullheaded, um, never back down, always ready for an argument or a fight. April continued talking about who Lisa like to hang out with. She had, you know, a couple of girlfriends her age. The males that she was hanging with five, six, even

seven years older, young men, not the best influences. Lisa ran with a tough crowd, an older group. She was living a life beyond her thirteen years. The night before she went missing, Lisa was with some of those friends. It was Halloween vour. She was with a group of young men and her friend who was the same age as her, and they went joy riding. There is drinking involved, um up on the Massachusetts border, and they decided to throw pumpkins out the window and we're pulled over um

and they took Lisa to the state police barracks. No one could have known then that this situation would become such a crucial moment within Lisa's investigation and actually hinder chances of finding her and had to call my mother to come pick her up. Needless to say, my mother was enraged, very concerned. I think at that point she had been going through so many other incidents that had

happened that were just you know, very just scary to discern. Okay, And she was grounded on November one because of that night, that is correct. And as soon as Judy took off for work and her second shift job, Lisa decided what she decided that she was going to go and see this friend who she thought of as a sister. April was referring to Maria Scrow, Lisa's closest friend. On the night she went missing, Lisa walked from her house in

Vernon and headed toward downtown Rockville, about two miles. According to information I've obtained, during that walk, Lisa stopped to see two friends, telling both she would call them later that night at about eleven PM when she returned home. So she was there, um, I think for a couple of hours, and I wanted to get home before my mother got home from work because again she was grounded, and at that point she decided, you know, she was going to leave and try and hitch hike home and

never made it home. I'm in Vernon today to meet with Marius grow, the friend who was with Lisa the night she disappeared. I'm gonna be parking right here, just down the street from Lisa's memorial. I want to get a feel for where Lisa was the last time she was seen. I mean, I've been here dozens of times. It's not far from where I live today. Pulkot Park on the corner of Prospect and Ellen him Maria, But how are you? Maria Scrow is the same age Lisa

White would be today, about fifty. She has short, wavy gray hair and this gentle way about her, very sincere. She looks around a lot as we chat, as if she's expecting to recognize someone walking by. Maria does not live anywhere near Vernon Rockville. These days, downtown Rockville can be a busy place. This area, the streets around the park. I call it Funeral Row because several old and quite creepy Victorian homes around us were transformed long ago into

funeral homes. I've buried friends here myself. We head towards Talcott Park, where Lisa White's memorial is located and just down the street from where Maria and her parents used to live. The park itself is small, about the size of a football field, full of your typical boring town landscaping playscape in one corner, several bench seats scattered around, one directly in front of Lisa's memorial. The green grass is separated down the middle, with the cement sidewalk running

from one corner to the other. Maria speaks with a voice touched by an inherent pain I have become all too familiar with when speaking to people connected to these cases. I've learned there is no expiration date on memory when it comes to trauma. Maria is a mother herself, like everyone else I've spoken to. She tells me the years time has not changed anything. The pain of not knowing is relentless, NonStop and crushing. I asked her what she

remembers about the night Lisa went missing. So, now, did she call you that night come over? Yeah, she came over to my house to um she wanted to leave my mom and dad and not saying that she was very sorry and and you know, embarrassed that you know, we got in trouble and that she hurt them. Yes, and um. Then you know my dad was home, but he was sleeping, so we were being quiet, you know, in my bedroom, being quiet, and she walked over. She

walked over, They walked everywhere. This is important to me and the thread beginning to present itself. You know, either I was down her house, she was up here, or we were up at Red Apple. That's where our hangout was. The Red Apple was a small town grocery store about one point five miles from Maria's house, one of those places where they bagged your groceries, and some zip face kid wearing a bow tie carried them out to the car. Now, remember Lisa was grounded because of the trouble she had

gotten into with Maria the previous night on Halloween. She was not supposed to see Maria ever again, and so she waited for her mother to leave for work near four pm and then snuck over to Maria's house. So, after Judy went to work, she walked right, she came over. My mom was gone, so I said yeah, my mom's gosh said all right. So then you know we talked and hung out and we hugged each other and said we'll see it. You know we'll see it at school

because we weren't allowed to see each other. And how come you wearn allowed to because Lisa loved to write notes, poems, pros. On the day she went missing, Lisa penned two page note to her mother, Judy Kelly, on yellow paper. My look, I'm really sorry, it began. She then apologized for the trouble she'd caused the previous night. As the letter continued, she also talked about what she wanted out of life. Quote Maria and her family end quote. Lisa yearned to

move into Maria's house. She longed for a traditional family lifestyle. What's clear is that the note is not a dear mom, I'm running away letter. It was Lisa explaining feelings she could not face sharing with her mother in person, while expressing how sorry she was for the previous night binge drinking and tossing those pumpkins out of the car. She loved her mom, but they had their arguments and stuff too, you know, But she loved her mom, and she never

ever talked about running away, you know. I Mean sometimes she'd be like, I can't wait till them old enough to move out and get me, you know. The things start teen year old to think about, but she never she wouldn't hurt her family like that. In the letter, Lisa also mentioned a boy named Greg and said she loved Greg and Maria quote more than anything end quote. Near the end of the letter, Lisa added, I really

am starting to understand more. What did she talk about you leading up to that night she was in love with Greg. Greg was Maria's boyfriend's best friend a few years older, and Lisa claimed she loved him. He was the same boy she and Maria were with the night they got into trouble. This was the reason why they hung out at the Red Apple so much. Both boys lived nearby. Early on, Greg was looked at as a

potential suspect, but then quickly ruled out. As Lisa and Maria hung out that night November one, there came a time when Lisa said she had to leave, and um, so she said, all right, I better go because you know, my mom was going to be coming home and she wanted to be Judy home before she got out of work. And do you remember what time she showed up? I

don't really remember that. Okay, what time she left? She left about seven thirty or so, it wasn't late, you know what I mean, because my mom was grocery shopping, so I know it wasn't late. I should point out that by seven thirty pm in November in New England it's dark as a cave outside. Hitchhiking could not have been a safe feeling. And did do you know which way she went? She always goes that away? Maria pointed west.

The shortest way home for Lisa would have been to take a right out of the scroll House and walk about two blocks, then trek six blocks, ending up at a nearby seven eleven. So we always went down to seven eleven and up West Road and then cut off West Road where the seven eleven still is today, took Lisa to her street, Reagan Road. Maria is certain Lisa

went this way. Lisa's mother reported her missing at about ten thirty PM, so her leaving Maria's at seven seven thirty gave her abductor a head start of three to four hours. Think about that for a moment. It's four no internet, no cell phones. Police departments had very limited

communication among one another, if much at all. From Rockville, three to four hours was enough time to be in Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, you know, and the Lexa I know, I don't know even know what time it was, one o'clock in the morning whatever. My parents were waking me up and they said, did you see Lisa tonight? And do not run of us? And that's when I get jumped out, and as I said, yes, and so that

started the whole thing. That started the whole thing. And in the beginning, it was kind of like she had run away, right, everybody thought she ran away because of the you know, we had gotten in trouble. Of course, Judie was madder than a hornet. My parents were madder than a hornet, and everybody thought you in a way, So a lot of the focus was on me that

I knew where she was. I was hiding her. The first set of investigators and even as recently as two thousand and sixteen, focused on Maria as someone who knew what happened to Lisa. White detectives pressured her to tell them where Lisa had run off to. It was that old investigative mentality that Lisa had run away that probably hampered any early evidence that could have been collected, especially witness statements. And look, this was by no fault of

the police. The situation appeared to be that of a runaway. It was seventy four. All of the early reports and I've seen and read everyone are focused on Lisa taking off. I'm like, I'm thirteen years old, you know, Maria pleaded with police. I do not know anything. With pressure mounting in those hours and days after Lisa went missing, Maria took matters into her own hands, and UM, me and a bunch of kids we went up all by Valley Fall, showing her picture, you know, looking for in the woods,

up at the snap, looking around. But they always came back to thinking that I knew where she was. So finally I took my you know, the State cup. I don't remember his name, he was on the league case. He said, well, the only way to prove you don't know anything, let's take a lie dechecter tests. And I said yes, and my father said the LL give permission.

I took the lie detective tests and I passed. Something happened after Maria took the polygraph, which I can sense and see as I talked to her, still has a lingering, intense emotional effect and I'll never forget it. And I don't blame Judy. I never did. But when she found out that I passed it, she came to my house and a flirt and she said, I wished it was you.

I wish it was Judy. Kelly was relentless in her pursuit of finding her daughter, such as stopping at the Vernon Police Department every month for decades, always up in their face. Judy Kelly and I had a special bond. In two thousand nine, she asked me to look into

Lisa's disappearance. I promised I would find answers. But on July three, two twelve, just after sharing over four hundred pages of materials she'd collected and handed off to me, including a detailed diary she kept on the day Lisa went missing and letters Lisa left behind, Judy passed away at the age of seventy two. It's been a personal

obsession of mine ever since to honor my word. Every time I opened up this case, in particular, this tight anxiety builds in my gut, as if the answer to Lisa's disappearance is in front of me, but I just cannot reach it. Digging through that four page binder, one day I came across a newspaper clipping from the year after Lisa went missing. Judy had published a letter to the editor chastising local law enforcement search for her daughter.

She wrote, quote, I was surprised to see that Vernon police organized a rescue team of a hundred men to search for a forty six year old man who was missing for two days. Why is it that this effort was not made to locate a thirteen year old girl? End quote. I know from reading Judy Kelly's diary that she was never in denial. She knew her daughter, She felt it Lisa was never coming back, which was why she used the word dead when she saw Maria all those years later and said she'd wished it was her.

I've seen this in similar cases. The pain is so intense for family, emotion emphatically raw and fraid. You really have no idea what you're saying or doing. All you see are those images in your head of what you think is happening to your child, what's some scumbag maybe doing to her. Judy lashed out at the only person

she could, the last connection to Lisa. I understand that Judy had the anger, but I think it would have been easier if her and I state kept our bonds and you know we're there for each other, because I was completely cut off from that completely. You just said, I don't want you here, I don't want you near my kids. You know, she and I understand it. I do that she was so hurt and heartbroken and not knowing where her child was, that I was the the go with escape bolt. You know, it's easier to be

angry at somebody than it is to feel pain. But years later I understood, and I became a mother. I understood she was just upset. Yeah, Judy didn't talk to me for many, many years, you know, and I think I was. I had my kids by thee, so it was my mid twenties and I've seen her and we talked and she said, you know, I never met up. And I said, I home my mother now too, right,

I don't hold different in stress, right right. I look at this woman in front of me, crying, shaking, forty five years after the experience, and what I refer to as the ripple effective murder and the pain these cases cause turns into a wave, a never ending torrent of emotions. So Lisa takes off. I mean she was always sticking out her thumb, right, we did. But I don't know if she would do it by herself, because we always

had that code, always be together. But you know, in her mind, maybe thinking I'm not going to get home in time, let me see if I can get a ride. You know, I don't know, but we always had that code, never by ourselves hitchhike. That word hitchhike. Maria claims she and especially Lisa were cautious, never reckless alone, They would

never take rides from anyone. Still, Maria worries to this day that Lisa was in such a hurry that night to get home before her mother, who would have arrived around nine pm or so, and because Lisa was grounded, she might have stuck out her thumb and hitchhiked. So if we're one of us is alone, too bad? You walk it however far it is. That was the code you had. We had a cold. So I don't know though,

because you know, she was upset. We were all upset over what happened and getting in trouble and thinking we can never be friends again. Or, as one law enforcement source has suggested to me, perhaps Lisa knew the person who stopped and asked if she wanted to ride. Maria is unaware of this, but throughout my investigation, I've been trying to see if there's more of a connection other than proximity between the missing girls, Jane's Pocket, Debbie Spickler,

Lisa White, and Susan LaRosa. So I bring up a name. Did you know that Larosa's who lived right down the street from me? Yes, I used to babysitt from her once in a while. Maria baby sat for Susan LaRosa, one of the missing girls. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Here was a direct connection between Lisa White and another of the missing girls. It was the first time Maria said anyone had even asked her this question. Sometimes all the cold case needs is asking the right

question and the floodgates open. It was as if I could see a bit of light and maybe even the shadow of a big moment finally fading, revealing itself. It felt comforting and fired me up, but at the same time a bit overwhelming. So after leaving Maria, I sat in my jeep and took a moment, and that was when it hit me. Jane's pocket goes missing. In seventy three. Lisa White vanishes in seventy four, a block away from where Susan Larossa lived, who then disappears herself a year

after Lisa in from basically the same location. There's never been an official connection made among these three girls. I've asked law enforcement repeatedly. No, they have told me time and again. But as an investigator, an expert on serial crime myself, especially when looking into abduction in homicide cases, I have learned there are no coincidences in murder, only connections. In the next episode of Paper Ghosts, she moved out

and my mother. At that point she thought, Wow, somebody took herross my hands, and he's gonna make everything wonderful. She was induced with the mother. She didn't know how to love, She didn't know how to be a mom. These kids were not what she wanted. Police used to handle domestic violence just for the warning. They would tell husbands, you know, control your wife, or I'll go back inside,

don't call us. I saw her crack him over the head with a cast iron frying fan where he needed stitches, and he didn't do a thing about it because it just wasn't in him to do that I mean it was like hell. House Paper Ghosts is written and executive produced by me and William Phelps, with help from producer Christina Everett and sound editing by Pete Cardy from back Room Audio. Special thanks to Abu Safar and Will Pearson

from My Heart Radio. The series theme number four four two is written and performed by Tom Mooney and Thomas Phelps. For more podcasts for My Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H