I'd apologize for this being so late, but if you think about it, I gave you an extra 16-and-a-half Oz-free hours, which is, like, a decade in idiot years. It's been a long day aboard the Oz 9. You think bad decision making is easy — Doritos for dinner? Yes, please. Easy! Go for a run or drink chocolate milk with vodka? Vodka. Definitely. Easy! —and yet, it's exhausting. So, you'll get no apology from me, unless I come across one on my way to the couch. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley a...
Nov 09, 2020•33 min•Season 3Ep. 49
Remember how there was that one week you were sick or maybe just on vacation but too poor to go anywhere? And you watched daytime TV, and even though you knew it was ridiculous and cheesy, by Friday you were desperate to know if little Suzy really was Armoire's daughter and if Aristato would find Nectarina in time to stop her from marrying ... I don't know, Ponderosa Jutjaw or whatever? Just stay with me, this is relevant. What I'm saying is, it's totally possible to get swept up in a story, eve...
Oct 25, 2020•31 min•Season 3Ep. 48
What would you do if everything in your garden suddenly attacked you? Carrots shooting themselves at your eyes, radishes nibbling tiny, spicy holes in your ankles, kohlrabi shouting at you, probably in German, given how "kohlrabi" is spelled — does it seem German to you? just me? — and let's not even talk about what the watermelon is trying to do. Would you ever be able to eat a salad again? This is vaguely relevant to episode 47, but only sort of. Meanwhile, I'm going to have nightmares about c...
Oct 11, 2020•28 min•Season 3Ep. 47
Probably the most remarkable thing that happens in this entire episode is that Le Bichon Frise pronounces "assassinate" correctly. I know. We were pretty shocked too. It happens at the bottom of page 3, so if you just want to hear that and skip the rest, I don't suppose anyone would blame you. Oh, and there's a bit about a butterfly that's funny. You might want to stick around for that. Up to you. You've been listening to: Iri Alexander as Julie Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield David S Dear as Dr....
Sep 27, 2020•30 min•Season 3Ep. 46
It's really late. The kind of late that keeps on getting later until it circles back round to early. When I'm this blurry and tired, I'm likely to say anything. Like how much more bearable life became on this ship with we busted Dr. Theo out of his pod. Geeky never looked so good.... See, now what did I say? Stop with the questions and the "oooo tell me everything" eyes. Dr. Theo is extremely fond of his personal space, and that's all there is to it. So shut up. I'm going to bed. You're listenin...
Sep 13, 2020•30 min•Season 3Ep. 45
If you've been keeping up with the antics of that zany crew aboard the Oz 9- Have you ever considered taking up a REAL hobby? Like stamps or shuffleboard or knitting quilts or something? Or listening to Top of the Round, which is a much more sensible pastime? It's episode 44, and no one is any smarter than they were 43 episodes ago, and that includes you, since your brain is no doubt deteriorating at a much faster clip than it would have if you'd done Sudoku or whatever it is instead. Fine, go a...
Aug 30, 2020•31 min•Season 3Ep. 44
Perhaps you've heard about the mold that's eating radioactive materials around Chernobyl? And that scientists are considering insulating spacecraft and astronauts suits with the stuff to protect them from solar radiation? We're not imagining things up here. We're just ahead of our time. You've been listening to: Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe, Mr. Southers, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer Richard Cowen as Leet and Tiberius J...
Aug 16, 2020•29 min•Season 3Ep. 43
Something nefarious is happening on a golf course in French Lick, Indiana. Actually, several nefarious things. Well, OK, like, three... maybe four nefarious things, and then a whole bunch of naughty things. Look, we're losing the point here. Look, just listen to the episode. It'll be easier than me trying to explain it to you. You've been listening to: Aaron Clark as Ben and le Bichon Frise Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Iri Alexander as Julie Richard Cowen as Tiberius and Leet Kevin Hall as Fel...
Aug 09, 2020•29 min•Season 3Ep. 42
Welcome back, space monkeys! We hope you enjoyed your six-week excursion ashore. Watch your step, the gangplank is slippery and also there's no oxygen out here, so look lively. Take your seats, please; we'll be setting adrift...sorry, a-sail again soon. No eating, please; we just got the toilets clean. And listen up for the security announcement. JK, there's no security to be had here, but do listen to the trailer for the awesome Relativity Podcast that happens at the end of the episode. Now. Wh...
Jul 19, 2020•28 min•Season 3Ep. 41
If you've ever wondered about our crew's lives before they got wrapped up in the drama of the Oz 9, well, keep wondering, because you're not going to learn a damn thing from this disaster of an episode. You're listening to: Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber Zetzer and Sarah Golding as pretty much everybody else. Except Richard Nadolny as the Narrator. Our theme and other music is composed and performed by John Faley; additional music in this episode comes from several artists on Storyblocks (mostly be...
Jul 12, 2020•19 min
If you think Oz 9 looks like chaos from the front, well, it's just as raggedy and unkempt 'round the back (if slightly less dangerous). In this bonus episode for our hiatus, our 4 newest cast members gathered to talk about life as a voice actor and the swirling tornado of imminent doom that is existence aboard the Oz 9. You're listening to: David S. Dear (Dr Theo Bromae) Sarah Golding (Mrs Sheffield) Kevin Hall (Cal/Greg) and Iri Alexander (Julie) We'll be back with our first episode of Season T...
Jul 05, 2020•1 hr 45 min
The Oz ships failed under mysterious circumstances entirely caused by their on-board crews or natural disaster wholly unrelated to Gated Galaxies or its subsidiaries, officers, or agents. G2 accepts no responsibility or liability for loss of liberty, limb, or life due to incorrect use of machinery, gross negligence, intentional or reckless misconduct. By simply existing, you acknowledge that life is inherently dangerous and often fatal and absolve Gated Galaxies of any and all injury you may inc...
Jun 09, 2020•25 min
It's the end of Season 2, and our crew are still dumb, still in space, and still hovering at the edge of death. Thanks to all the zig zagging around the galaxy, they're nearly back where they started, and the forniculator still hasn't been fixed. So, if you've been with us for the past 39 episodes, well, you probably could have skipped this bit. Let's hope Season 3 is better. In Season 2, you heard from: Iri Alexander as Julie Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise an...
May 24, 2020•30 min•Season 2Ep. 40
Episode 39 means one more until the end of Season 2, and where we're going is no clearer than the muck at the bottom of the bioswamp. But hey, you've gotten this far, you might as well stick with us a little longer. Eventually, it'll all make sense. Or not. Probably not. You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Eric Perry as Joe, Dr. von Haber-Zetzer, Mr. Southers, and Howard Iri Alexander as Julie David S. Dear as Dr. Theo Bromae Aaron Clark as le Bich...
May 10, 2020•28 min•Season 2Ep. 39
Look, I've been up all night, and seriously the first person to speak to me may find themselves trying to pour coffee into a stump. Like, where their head used to be, not a tree, that was supposed to be sort of threatening and scary. Never mind. Make sure you listen right to the end as there's treats and stuff you won't want to miss. Oh, and Head 1 finally gets a name. It's ... epic. Really. You’re listening to: Iri Alexander as Julie Tim Sherburn as Colin, Emily, and Buck Kevin Hall as Greg Sar...
Apr 26, 2020•32 min•Season 2Ep. 38
Despite Joe's best attempts to keep the Oz 9 free of ... icky things, a very large, armed, and presumably hostile icky thing has taken over the bridge. This has just been one of those space voyages, hasn't it? You're listening to: Iri Alexander as Julie Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise Eric Perry as Joe, Head 1, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer Richard Cowen as Leet and Tiberius June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Kevin Hall as Greg and Feloniu...
Apr 12, 2020•27 min•Season 2Ep. 37
Pod poetry is generally considered to be the 3rd worst in the universe. If you have a weak liver or any sort of cheese allergy, you might want to check with a doctor before listening to this episode. You're listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Richard Cowen as Leet and Tyberius Iri Alexander as Julie Sarah Golding as Mrs. Sheffield June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Tim Sherburn as Colin and Buck Kevin Hall as Greg Eric Perry as Joe and Mr. Southers Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise an...
Mar 30, 2020•30 min•Season 2Ep. 36
Beans — BIG beans — are about to be spilled aboard the Oz 9, and that could spell trouble for the crew. Especially if the beans land in a very particular way that happens to spell "trouble." And someone aboard the Oz 9 is not doing their job. I realize I should probably narrow that down for you, as it's a hefty list, but just listen up and you'll figure it out. You’ve been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise Eric Perry as Dr von Haber-Zetzer, Joe, and Head 1 Ti...
Mar 15, 2020•26 min•Season 2Ep. 35
What do you do when your Otologostealth X13 runs out of charge? That wasn't actually a rhetorical question — the manual is in Ancient Mesopotamian (we think) and none of the charging cables we have fits. Anyone? Anyway, we say goodbye to a crewmate this episode, so get your hanky ready or use your sleeve or whatever, just prepare to have your innards stepped on in the name of emotional manipulation. You're listening to: June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatros Kevin Hall as Greg Eric Perry ...
Mar 01, 2020•28 min•Season 2Ep. 34
No one said life in space would be easy. Though if they'd listened closely, the people buying seats on the Oz ships might have heard G2 officials mutter under their breath about how easy death in space was going to be ... Anyway, it's a Thursday aboard the Oz 9, which means Leet is optimistic about their chances of survival. He's alone in that, but hey, he's a rebel. You're listening to: Richard Cowen as Leet Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Jessie June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Kevi...
Feb 16, 2020•26 min•Season 2Ep. 33
I've pretty much decided that some weeks ago, I ate the fugu, and everything since has been some sort of weird fever dream. I mean, that's the only thing that makes sense, right? RIGHT? You’ve been listening to: Kevin Hall as Cal and Greg the Zebra Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Eric Perry as Joe, Dr. von Haber Zetzer, and Head One Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Richard Cowen as Leet Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline and Richard Na...
Feb 02, 2020•26 min•Season 2Ep. 32
Otherwise known as "The Origin of Colin Smith," this mini ep gives some background into- Ah ah — you almost got me there. Nope. I'm not telling. I'm afraid you'll have to listen like it's 2020 or something. You're listening to: Eric Perry as Mr. Southers Kevin Hall as Spotty Bosh and Richard Nadolny as your Narrator This episode was directed by June Clark Eubanks. Theme and incidental music composed and performed by John Faley. Our artwork is by Lucas Elliott (who also did our COMIC BOOK and our...
Jan 19, 2020•18 min
I... we... they... Seriously? This is... It just... SERIOUSLY? You've been listening to: June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatros Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Tim Sherburn as Colin, Buck, and Emily Eric Perry as Mr. Southers, Head 1, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer Richard Cowen as Leet Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise and Ben Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline Special thanks to guest star Sarah Golding as Mrs. Clara Sheffield Richard Nadolny as your Narrator This episode is dedicated in lo...
Jan 12, 2020•30 min•Season 2Ep. 31
It's the holiday season aboard the Oz 9, though how that happened when they launched in spring, like, a month ago, is anyone's guess. But whatever the case, there's a mysterious box in Cargo Bay 7, and whether it was delivered by Santa or Satan... well, I guess you'll have to listen to find out, now won't you? You're listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Eric Perry as Head 1, Joe, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer Richard Cowen as Leet Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise June...
Dec 29, 2019•21 min•Season 2Ep. 30
On December 4, 2019, Oz 9 did a live show at the South Side Podfest at Bar 171 in Chicago, Illinois. It was the evening of the Annual Assassins Holiday Dinner. Of course, the Albatros and le Bichon Frise attended, with chaperone Cpt. Madeline, who was very upset to learn that no one with any sense at all ate the delicious-smelling food. Thank you to Nick Mataragas and Memoriam Development for creating this fun event and putting us on the list, thank you to Bar 171 for hosting us, and thank you t...
Dec 25, 2019•22 min
Episode 29, in which we learn the meaning of the Scottish slang word "boaking." Repeatedly. In vivid color. In this episode, the world has gone topsy turvy — up is down, left is right, enemies are friends... But the fugu is still poisonous, and our crew are still idiotic and imperiled. And there's a gecko. An amorous one. You’ve been listening to: Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Eric Perry as Dr. von Haber-Zetzer, Head 1, and Joe June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Tim Sh...
Dec 15, 2019•31 min•Season 2Ep. 29
An episode so full of unexpected twist and turns, you should probably schedule an appointment with your chiropractor now. Wet sandwiches, heat-resistant foxes, and some highly suspect popcorn flavoring are the very least of the crew's problems today, so be throw on some wooly slippers, grab a nibble that doesn't fight back, and enjoy NOT being on the Oz 9. You've been listening to: June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Eric Perry as Head 1, Joe, and Dr. von Haber Zetzer Kevin Hall as Cal Aaron Clar...
Dec 01, 2019•26 min•Season 2Ep. 28
Does it sometimes seem like everything that is trying to kill you wants to talk to you about it first? I mean, I don't really feel like I need to connect with you on an emotional level when I'm just trying to keep breathing. In episode 27, a very unexpected truth is revealed — but is it good news? Or very very bad indeed? Smart money's on bad. I'm going with bad. You're listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Eric Perry as Head 1 and Mr. Southers June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatr...
Nov 17, 2019•25 min•Season 2Ep. 27
Earth is starting to feel the loss of its most dependable consumers, it's chaos all 'round, and I got a fricking paper cut putting this episode together, so if you want to know what it's about, well, I guess you'll just have to listen, won't you. You've been listening to: Eric Perry as Mr. Southers, Dr. von Haber-Zetzer, Head 1, and Joe June Clark Eubanks as Glenda and the Albatros Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Kevin Hall as Matt Tim Sherburn as Colin, Buck, and Emily Richard Cowen as Leet...
Nov 03, 2019•25 min•Season 2Ep. 26
It's the Oz 9, so of course they even manage to screw up Halloween. What do you do if there's an open and empty coffin in the hold of your ship? No, really, what do YOU do, because we've got bugger all for ideas. You've been listening to Richard Cowen as Leet Tim Sherburn as Colin Eric Perry as Joe Bonnie Brantley as Jessie Kevin Hall as Radu the Handsome June Clark Eubanks as the Albatros Aaron Clark as le Bichon Frise Shannon Perry as Olivia and Madeline and Richard Nadolny as your Narrator Ou...
Nov 01, 2019•18 min
