What does a person need most in order to heal from addiction and trauma? Do they need to act differently? Think better thoughts? Use a fancy technology to monitor brain waves? All these things are good and useful, but they falter in the absence of love. Love, in a clinical sense, is a secure attachment, marked by full attention, unconditional welcome, curiosity, courage and patience. In the presence of this kind of energy, a person finds belonging and safety. In that environment, they become abl...
Aug 09, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Season 2Ep. 44
When a person is recovering from alcohol abuse, we generally advise them to avoid the beer and wine aisles in the markets. When a person is recovering from cocaine or meth use, or other drugs, we generally advise them to avoid that one street corner or back alley, or few blocks of downtown. When a person is in recovery from problem gambling, we’d find it wise for them to avoid casinos. If the pattern holds, then when a person is in recovery from problematic pornography use, we should advise them...
Jun 28, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Season 2Ep. 43
People tend towards two errors. They think they have to be SO unique and special…or they think they have to conform to all the standards around them. Hyper-individualism, uniqueness taken to its extreme, will leave people feeling isolated, burdened, and vulnerable to relapse. Hyper-conformity, especially to unhealthy group and society expectations, can also steer a person towards all sorts of unhealthy, burdensome life narratives that can also leave them vulnerable to relapse. Jeremy Jones is a ...
May 16, 2023•1 hr•Season 2Ep. 42
We often talk about the “parts” of our individual systems, and today we talk about the “body part,” in particular. I caught up with Jenny Hayo, a practitioner and teacher in the wisdom traditions. She is certified in Hakomi, Internal Family Ssytems, and Yoga, and centers an ongoing, dynamic, and gentle awareness of the physical body at the core of any emotional and psychological work. In this conversation, we start with our mutual love and appreciation for the IFS model of understanding a person...
May 09, 2023•49 min•Season 2Ep. 41
Why should we talk about money in recovery? More specifically, how does it further a person's spiritual, mental, emotional, relational development to bring awareness and insight to finances? Further, what is Stewardship? And what can we learn about it from Lord of the Rings? Dino Biaggi is a self-identified fan about being deliberate about life. He is a husband, father, Christian man, and the Financial Literacy Manager at Birch Community Services, a Sustainable Families Program, in Portland, OR....
Mar 30, 2023•51 min•Season 2Ep. 40
When you notice that you tend to end up as the Pharisee in one of the Gospel parables…what do you do about that? Welcome to our most ecumenical episode ever! Mary-Kate grew up Catholic, then married a Baptist, and now is being interviewed by Moses-Rhys who is Orthodox. We start off talking about Orthodox Christian weddings, and go from there to reflect on our spiritual heritages, our journeys towards greater closeness with God, what do we do with the Bible, and finally - the difference between h...
Mar 15, 2023•56 min•Season 2Ep. 39
In this episode, I share personal reflections on my Lenten Rigor for this year(Going to Matins every morning that I can, which is something like going to a meeting every day). I reflect on the intrusiveness of a sobriety built on adding something into my life as the inverse of focusing on subtracting something. In week one, I was excited. By week two, I'm tired, and questioning the worth of it. But I suspect that, with both the sober life and the spiritual life, the points of early fatigue are j...
Mar 13, 2023•15 min•Season 2Ep. 38
What's the most important component of good, healthy, long-term sobriety? Hint - it's not abstinence. It's also not self-care, boundaries, or good communication. It has something to do with self-reflection, self-awareness, and community. In this episode, I say that forgiveness and confession are the most vital components of sobriety. This tends to be true of the spiritual life as well. If I can forgive, and move on from bitterness, and let go of resentments, then I am free from how others burden...
Mar 01, 2023•26 min•Season 2Ep. 37
Rhys and Beth won the lottery...to an Internal Family Systems Level one training! From there they became friends and colleagues that talk about the Self, the Soul, and the Nature of Healing. In today's conversation, Beth shares part of her story of being healthy, then becoming sick, then learning to find an inner spiritual health that leads to outer healing. She and Rhys(also known as Moses) reflect on how their spiritual practices and the IFS framework have revolutionized their approaches to he...
Feb 24, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Season 2Ep. 36
Always be a learner. Always be a beginner. Go back to Basics. Blessed are the Poor in Spirit. Be like the Publican, not the Pharisee. All these ideas are variations on the theme of remaining humble and bravely acknowledging what you don't know and where you fall short. If you can do this, you can always learn, always grow, and always work towards repairing damage you may have caused. Today's reflection is drawn from the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee, commemorated in the Orthodox Chris...
Feb 10, 2023•20 min•Season 2Ep. 35
I'm releasing this about a week late, but this is a reflection inspired by Zacchaeus Sunday, commemorated this year on January 29. In preparation for Great Lent, we talk a lot about repentance, and Zacchaeus certainly is a brilliant example of radical and healing life change. The story of Zacchaeus also offers some metaphors and other insights useful to both spiritual growth and the sober way of life. In this little story, we can consider how we cope with insecurity, facing up to harm we've caus...
Feb 09, 2023•14 min•Season 2Ep. 34
As we approach Great Lent, Rhys reflects on seasons of sobriety and the spiritual life. He contemplates the daily, weekly, annual, and crisis rhythms of heightened clarity and profound struggle, especially as outlined in the liturgical year of the Orthodox Christian Church. When we know that at point in the future we will struggle or encounter crisis, how should we best prepare for these times? What is the best use of the insights gained in the peaceful times? Rhys talks about the impermanence o...
Feb 04, 2023•25 min•Season 2Ep. 33
On the surface, James Cameron's film Avatar: The Way of Water is about blue people guarding their planet from humans, told in a spectacular way. Embedded in the spectacle, though, are some very powerful depictions of themes very relevant to healing, sobriety, family, and identity. In this story, we get to explore how to relate to outcasts/exiles, how to integrate outsiders, how to rely on gentle strength, how to find identity, and how to make families. All that to say, my friend and colleague Aa...
Feb 02, 2023•1 hr 12 min•Season 2Ep. 32
What does it mean to be an integrated Self? What does it mean to be a whole person? In today's episode, I interview Hart Dasteel - local to Portland, OR, a husband, father, healer, IFS enthusiast, and psychedelic integration coach. We talk about the healing relationship that is possible between a person's core Self and their Parts, and explore how this changes our parenting styles, hopefully helping us become more compassionate dads. Talking parts and burdens leads to talking about trauma, and t...
Jan 27, 2023•31 min•Season 2Ep. 31
What does it mean to be sober? I just have to stop drinking or smoking or looking at porn or gambling or raging, then I'm good...right? This counselor says abstinence alone is not enough. A good sobriety process, like a good spiritual practice, is not about what you're avoiding, but rather about what you are gaining. What are you seeking? Adding to your life? Creating with your energies? What values are you upholding? Relationships you are forging? In this episode, I reflect on different concept...
Jan 16, 2023•21 min•Season 2Ep. 30
Welcome to the Outer Circle Inner Stillness LATE SHOW edition! Here is where you get unfiltered counselor brain as Rhys Pasimio and Stephen Black share honest thoughts and current musings, under the influence of the post-9:00 pm-fatigue, and the thrill of being two friends in the same room together! With no particular agenda, we find ourselves compelled to talk about friendship, about feelings, about trying to define "being a man," and the wide range of challenges that face men in their 30's and...
Jan 03, 2023•42 min•Season 2Ep. 29
Life is hard, and the sober life is harder! Why do we push ourselves to say resist the urges that seem so strong? Why do we work hard to be emotionally and mentally present in a world that is so stressful? The answer is that we do the work for the prize at the end of the journey. If we don't know why we do what we do, then no amount of clever how will get us through the hard times. The why comes out of our core values. The why is our vision. In this episode, the first of a recurring series on so...
Jan 02, 2023•26 min•Season 2Ep. 28
In today’s interview, I get to interview Michele Mannix about her recovery journey. Michelle recently celebrated 38 years of sobriety! She is a clinical professional, teacher, trainer, and avid runner! She’s worked for years in the mental health community, with houseless folks, people with long term mental illness, and supporting peers and other professionals in their sobriety. She is in recovery from alcohol and stimulants…and from nicotine! Michelle sees smoking as very connected to alcohol an...
Nov 07, 2022•59 min•Season 1Ep. 27
We’ve all heard we need to slow down. But how do busy people really slow down? How do you know when you’ve slowed down enough? Rhys Pasimio joins up with Cole Vandervort from the Canceled Apprentice podcast in the Outer Circle Inner Stillness’s first collaboration! Rhys and Cole talk about juggling marriage and family, work and productivity, sobriety, and spiritual growth, and all the challenges we face in this ambitious task. Rhys owns up to not using drugs or alcohol, but “compulsively project...
Oct 14, 2022•1 hr 6 min•Season 1Ep. 26
Where can one go to find Orthodoxy spiritual practice, mindfulness, physical fitness, and vegan cuisine, all in the same group? Does such a place exist? The answer is, Yes! At the Praxis Wellness Center, in New Jersey, hosted by Cornelius and Jaimie Swart, you can embark on a wellness journey that tends to your body, mind and, soul. In this episode, I interview Cornelius about the Praxis group, its origins, its vision for health, and the values that form. the daily practices. We discuss our resp...
Sep 26, 2022•56 min•Season 1Ep. 25
How do you teach someone how to be sober? Do you teach theory? Behavior? Practical skills? Or should you invite them into an entirely different way of life, and a web of relationships? This challenge faced by addictions counselors and recovery specialists overlaps heavily with the priestly task of catechizing people on their journey into the Orthodox Christian church. Moses-Rhys Pasimio is an Orthodox Addictions Counselor from Portland, OR. Ben Klimek is an Orthodox residential counselor at a ho...
Sep 14, 2022•1 hr 5 min
"Getting into gratitude is the treatment for sobriety fatigue." What do the 3 Circles look like when practiced over time? 25+ years into sobriety, do the circles look the same as when you started? Do they change? Do they expand? In this episode, I interview an individual who has been clean and sober since 1989. He shares his Circle Plan as it was in early recovery, and how his circle plan has developed over the last three decades. Turns out that as one gains experience in sobriety, one can also ...
Aug 09, 2022•47 min•Ep. 23
“In recovery, I now have the gift of choice.” Meet Orlando Rivera, addictions counselor, teacher, mentor, sponsor, and in recovery from drugs and alcohol for more than 30 years. In this conversation, I ask Orlando about his life as a sober person, what has changed since beginning recovery, and what needs to be in place to continue in a sober way of life. He says, “I don’t make space for relapse,” and highly emphasizes not entertaining relapse oriented thoughts. He says, “Recovery is about workin...
Aug 03, 2022•56 min•Ep. 22
It happened again. A pastor in the prime of his ministry years was caught up in sexual scandal. Pornography. Secrecy. Affairs. Multiple partners. Drama. Everything we've seen before. And it's bad; we could even say reprehensible. How did this happen? And what does it have to do with recovery work? Once again, addiction is not about sex, and it's not about drugs; it's about the compulsive patterns we fall into to protect ourselves from pain. It's about the relationships we form with heightened ex...
Jul 20, 2022•18 min•Ep. 21
How do you recover from something you can’t quit?” Sobriety from alcohol and drugs is easy in once sense because you don’t need them to live. But what does sobriety look like from food? From sex and relationships? From money? After 34 years of recovery from process addictions, Dr. Tracy Zemansky has discovered that successful recovery hinges on continuous self-evaluation. All of our life experiences can be seen as an ongoing feedback loop. If we pay attention to the impacts of our actions, thoug...
Jul 11, 2022•47 min•Ep. 20
“A seeker is never finished seeking.” Welcome to another Lives of the Sober conversation! Today we meet Jim Pender, from Calgary, Alberta. Jim has been in recovery from alcohol abuse for 38 years. As he shares he story, he shares many things he’s read and written, especially around spirituality. In our conversation, we explore what spirituality is, and why it is an essential feature of a recovery process. Along with spirituality, we also explore the role of community. Jim reflects that, “None of...
Jul 11, 2022•56 min•Ep. 19
“Recovery is an inside job.” Welcome to a new series within the series - Lives of the Sober. In this series, I interview individuals who have achieved 25 or more years of sobriety. I ask them what they have done for nearly three decades to stay clean and sober, and live a healthy life. We talk about the daily practices, basic beliefs and assumptions, values, conflicts, and cautions. We talk about the role of community, contribution to the lives of others, and the ever present self-inventory. In ...
Jul 10, 2022•42 min•Ep. 18
What is healthy sexuality? Hint - it’s not always abstinence! Rhys approaches the conversation from the world of therapy, compulsive sexual behavior, sex/porn addiction. A major task in recovery from compulsive sexual behavior is figuring out healthy sexuality. Does this mean abstinence? Does this mean monogamy? Does this mean heteronormative sex? Or does it mean more mindfully engaging in what ever sexual behavior pattern you do? Gregg Webb approaches the conversation from the ongoing conversat...
Jul 08, 2022•52 min•Ep. 16
In recovery work, we often hear this idea of the Accountability Partner, and we generally hear it’s a good idea to have this person in our lives. But what is an Accountability Partner? Who should this person be(or not be)? What should they do or not do? And if you are seeking the accountability, what is your responsibility in the relationship? All of this conversation demands that we first define what accountability is in the first place! Is it just a check in? A report of bad behavior? Is it mo...
Jul 07, 2022•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 15
When is acceptance a strength, and when is it merely deferment as a version of avoidance? Acceptance is a complex concept that often gets casually thrown around in recovery circles. Many of us memorize the Serenity Prayer early on in our process, and this drills into our minds the idea of “Accepting the things we cannot change.” This conversation brings up questions like, What is and is not my responsibility to change or take on? What am I reasonably expected to just tolerate? When is discomfort...
Jul 07, 2022•1 hr 9 min•Ep. 14
