I think a lot of the time in relationships, you make someone feel broken because you keep fixing them, Whereas if you teach people how to heal themselves, then you've actually helped them. So I always tell people that loving someone means you make them fall more in love with themselves, not more in love with you. Everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world.
Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or
let go of love. If you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour. Love Rules. Go to Jay shedytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you
this year now. Today's guest is someone who's so hard to book, like literally, like the most difficult we We book these incredible guests every single week and this person just like I just it's so hard to find a spot in their schedule, like no matter how much you try, Like we've been working with their team for the last two years, this guest hasn't come on the show for the last two years. We're talking about the one and only my heart, my wife Radluka. Two years it took
to get you back. I didn't even realize it's been two years. But also, what do we have to talk about every year? Yeah? Podcast? Also, I'm busy so annual check in I know it is. Yeah, sorry, sharing our challenges, our wird our company. It's been two years though it's been two years since you've been doesn't feel like it. Yeah, it doesn't feel like that. Thank you for having back on. Yeah, I know. Sometimes it's just hard to like number one health podcast in the world. Sometimes it's hard to get
you to walk from the house to the studio. I know, I know also eight Rules of Love. Where's the jingle? I know I need to come up with one. I did have one for Think like a Monk, didn't I know? Yeah, you think like a monk? One thin no think? Yeah, yeah, I know, I didn't think. I know. I'm going to come up with one for that, okay, yeah, when it's going to be more of a rap. I feel like because we've got a number in it. But the books already out. I know, I know, I know channeling. What
if someone makes a jingle? I need to read the book and then I'll get inspiration from it. Oh yeah, Rady doesn't read my book. I'm gonna I actually finished Think Like, well nearly finished with Think Like a Monk. I've taken a break from it was just so good. I need time to digest eight Rules of Love. I'm going to start on the plane journey today. And I started listening to the podcast a month ago. It's a
brilliant podcast. Everyone who's listening you U should listen to all the other three hundred episodes that how many have you done? Four years? One hundred and fifty episodes? No, four years one hundred episodes of years of four hundred oh my gosh, I've got so much to catch up on.
But it's really good. Honestly, I appreciate. So we're actually recording this in a place that's quite meaningful to Tridy and I. When we first started dating, this was a place that we'd come for walks, for tea, for hanging out together. It's the Grove Hotels. It's a beautiful, beautiful place, and we're so grateful that today we're getting to record this podcast here. I can't wait to go outside and take a walk here and enjoy the grounds. It's a really special place to us. So excited to be here
at the Grove. Yeah, I love this place. I love it. But this is going to be fun because, as always, what we do when Raddy's on the show is we answer questions that my team comes up with. So my team will randomly find ideas and thoughts and topics for us to talk about. We have no idea, We've never seen them, and so you truly get a genuine raw authors have no idea what we're going to talk about
me and rather we have no idea. I will be bringing up some stuff Riley's been working on in the background, which I'm excited about But yeah, all right, So the first question our team wants us to answer is what was the first? What the So what our team wants us to start with is what did we love each other? So? What did The question that our team wants us to answer first is what did we love most about each other? First? What did we love? What do we love most about
each other? Now? What's changed? What's different? And why? What'd Well? Then you did I should basically be the host of this show. Basically have a podcast. I should have a podcast. Um, okay, So I feel like it's pretty much still the same stuff that was from the beginning. You're very consistently the same person in a really good way, Like you're a solid human. You really are like the same why are you laughing? The same stuff? The same stuff, but in
like the best way. Because you have been consistently the same person you said you would the things that you would be at the beginning of the relationship. You are still that person, all the good stuff and what would they be? Let me tell you they are. Yeah. You know what's funny about this, I'm not a PDA person, And I feel like this is where the podcast gets
it all because it's consistent questions about it. You're extremely honest about who you are at the beginning, which thing was really important, Like you always told me what you are happy to do, not happy to do, your priorities, your values. The main thing is your integrity. Between what you say and what you do and who you are on camera and who you are off camera. It's literally the same person, Like what you talk about is the
same person as who you are behind closed doors. And I think that that's such a beautiful quality because I think like living with integrity allows you to give yourself so authentically, which means that you're able to just give love constantly because you're you're constantly fueled by yourself. But also you're just forever living in alignment, which is the people feel that energy from you. And I feel like I feel that every single day, which is really cool.
Thanks for that. I actually think that well I loved about you when we first met was that you've always been absolutely adorable. You're absolutely hilarious. You're still almost something more. I know. I'm saying, yeah, you're you're hilarious, Like I think you're one of the funniest people I know. You make me laugh all the time. Things, And I think I love that I could always be myself around you. I never felt judged. I never felt I had to be a certain person. I never felt like I had
to perform or act in a certain way. And I think you really give people permission. I don't think you just do that with me. I think you do that with everyone. You give everyone permission to be who they are, and they don't feel pressurized to impress you or change you. They are mold themselves to be more important to you. You like to make everyone feel important for who they are.
And I also fell in love with just how positive you are in a sense of not positive in the way people think about it, like, oh, you're just happy about everything, but positive in the sense that you never liked gossiping about people, or you never like criticizing people, or you never liked comparing yourself to other people. Like you were very happy to let people live their own lives and not get involved in anything negative to do with them, but be happy within yourself. And I thought
that was beautiful. Thanks, And I think what's changed or and obviously it's still love you for all the same things, But I think what's really amazing is I think you've been on a huge journey to get to know yourself yea over the last few years. So we've been together now for nearly ten years, yeah, and we've been married for seven nearly, and I feel like in the last seven years you've truly found yourself and you've discovered who you are, what your values are and yeah, trying, but
lot has been revealed. And I think I love you for going on that journey so confidently when you were scared to move to New York when we first got married. So from going from the person who is scared to move to a new city and a new country, which is fair enough to be scared for, to now be someone who's used that as a way of learning about
yourself and becoming more confident in who you are. I love you for that because I think that that takes a lot of courage, and I think that it would have been easy to be negative about that, but you didn't do that. Thanks. Let me think this is fun, wonderful, brilliant.
So the next topic that we're going to discuss is rather than I have been on a crazy advention in the last seven years, we've moved country, we've moved state, we've moved apartments, we've moved homes, and the question is how has our relationship changed, how has it been impacted by all of this, and what have we learned along the way. I think it's really interesting going back to that first question we answered, because I feel like I've
stayed so much the same. Yeah, I look at how it's affected me as being very like similar in the sense that I've just kept my head down, I've kept working, I've kept building, kept growing, kept trying to do my best. But I think that it just made me realize how not codependent and how tolerant you are. It's really interesting to me, Like I don't think and this is to
your credit. It's again I think I'm a good partner, but more to your credit that in the last seven years you've never once said to me you don't spend enough time with me, you're never around, or you don't listen to me, And like that is amazing, Like I think that requires so much maturity from you to be so happy in yourself and finding your own self. Because I think, even though I never want you to feel those things, like I feel like I'm sensitive to those
things as well. I still feel like if I told you have got a jump on a flight tomorrow, I'm gonna be gone for two weeks, that would just be normal to you, Like you wouldn't ever make me feel bad or guilty about that. And so I think that it's made me appreciate you more because we've actually been
through so many of the biggest changes. There's a study that showed like the changes that stress people out the most and even put stress on relationships, And it's moving countries up there, moving job is up there, moving home is up there, and then I think it's having kids. So we've literally done three out of the four constantly
over the last seven years. And the fact that we've constantly found a way to find our way back to each other and connect with each other and had the openness to not just point the finger and blame or I've just never felt like it's been my fault if life's been harder or easier. And so there were times when we were close to being four months away from being broke and you didn't change how you felt, And now that things are better, you haven't changed towards me.
And so I just feel like that kind of support is really special where you just feel like someone's consistently in your corner, and that's how I feel with you. Thanks. I do feel those things, I think, and it goes back to the consistent because you're the same person. It's not been something that you didn't it was always on the table, like change was always on the table. I think now my perspective has changed in the sense of before I felt like I really knew where I would
be living, what I would be doing. You know, before we got married, I had an idea of what that would be. Now I feel like I live more day to day, year to year, not even like expecting what the next year is going to bring, or like not allowing myself to build expectations of what the next year
is going to bring, because I know they could. Like change is just always happening, And I think I used to be someone who was quite scared of change generally, and this has really helped me not be like that because we've had so many changes that it's it's almost I feel like it's a better way of living where there's no expectation of what's coming next. You just kind of live in the flow of what's happening. So yeah,
I think in that respect. I think the change part for me was scary at the beginning but became something that I was quite excited to embrace because it felt like it kind of felt more like freedom rather than like even though I even though when you're not in control you feel like that wouldn't be freedom, actually not expecting to be in control and not knowing what's going to happen feels more free than having that control or
thinking you have that control. But then also I have those times where I'm like, Oh, this is great, and then like the next minute, I'm like I just want to go away to a forest and do like and just hide away. Like I feel like I go in
like such two different directions. And I feel like you deal with that really well, because I am someone who can go from being like so excited about something to then being like, oh, I just want to delete my Instagram and go live in a forest for like six weeks and not talk to anyone, and you're like, okay, okay, if that's what you need, and so yeah, no, I know, I just I have quite like an erraticness about me. So I feel like you you handled that pretty pretty well.
I think you've handled the change remarkably. Well, I don't know anyone else who would be able to handle how much change you've been through the way you have. So in my book Eight Rules of Love, I talk about how we play different roles in relationships, and if you have the book, there's a relationship Roles quiz, so you can find out which role you've been playing in previous
relationships or in this one. So the team have asked us to answer the question, if we're usually a parent, a partner, or a child in a relationship, where do we find those dynamics in the way we connect with each other? So where do you feel? Let's start with where do we feel? Where the parents? Where the parents? I think you've been my parent when it comes to yeah, yeah, I get the look. Imagine I had like lots of sugar right now in front of me like I would do.
So you're the parent when it comes to my food, because I'm the kid when it comes to food, like I'm the kid who wants to eat sour patch kids and the kid who wants to eat like candy. I'm the kid who wants to eat chocolate. That's all I want to do because of my mum, who's sitting here as well. Mom fed me for chocolate products a day. That's when I was growing up, chocolate yogurt, chocolate bar, chocolate ice creams. I became addicted. And then this parent
has been un learning me from eating sugars. Yeah, that's where you're definitely as I love some sugar in my life. Yeah, but you're you're a bit more. You've had to wean me off. So, yeah, you've been a parent when it comes to that, I've been there. You're definitely been a parent in uh, you know, they called it like midlife crisis. I have like a weekly or monthly crisis. Ye're definitely the parent. And that's it. I'm like, I don't know
what I'm doing. I don't know what I don't know whether I want to do what I'm doing right now. I don't know whether what I'm doing is the right thing. I don't know whether I love it. I don't know whether I like it. I don't know who I am. That's pretty much what happens every month. Um, and you're definitely the parent in that situation. Yeah, a parent slash partner like you. You're not like telling me what to do.
You're kind of guiding me through. So I say, also, I feel like you're not very parenting many you're not parenting the health stuff either, like I've I've always said like I've never yeah, I know what you mean, judging sized or like it's not you're like, oh telling me, but like guidance. Yeah, parent is just the person who's making you looking after you when you're being child. Yeah, yeah, child,
I definitely am that in that situation. Yeah, I think I like running late for things, oh yeah, and getting to places on time and making sure I like actually follow through with things, plan out my life. I feel like I feel like I'm a child sometimes when I'm like like just being being literally being a child, and I'm just like love me now, it's being like a kid about like wanting attention and just being a bit moody and luck you don't like throw yourself on the floor.
I'm close to it sometimes still put that voice on sometimes Yeah I'm doing that. So then that's when I'm being a child for sure. When else I think that's it, I don't thinking much of a child in that respect. It's a parent and then child. We were on child now no parents child and partners so partners when you're like actually supporting each other. Yeah, and I think we do that overall. That's overall. I think you've been my
partner for my health. I think I think you've been a great partner when it comes to like encouraging me to exercise more and work out. Like when we met, I did so much for my mind, but I never exercised my body. I just played sports or I walked, and I thought that was enough. And you were the one who was like training me and encouraging me and
educating me. And then during the pandemic we worked out together need every day, which I miss because then she left me to work out with people that actually know how to work out, so like with me about me. No, that's what I'm saying. I feel like you were Oh I left you need to work out with people that actually because that was you parenting me, like you'd be like what we're doing, like this is what you want? A squat like you know, and then all of a sudden,
now you're just at like real workout class. Yeah I'm not allowed to come to this. Yeah there you are. Yeah, I wouldn't want to come. I feel like you partner again, just data stuff. But I definitely think you helped me to have like figure out my own voice through not just giving to me what I'm asking for, but to help me, you know, see my own journey through figuring
it out. And I think that takes a lot because it kind of is you know, it takes a lot of patience to do that, and I think it's the easier option is actually just being like, Okay, here, just just do this and just you know, this is how you can fix this, and this is how you do this. And I always I'm someone who has a habit of not being certain in my own decisions, and so I think you really help to let me navigate it, even though I'd be like, no, just tell me, like what
should I do? And you'd be like, no, I'm not telling you what to do, Like I'm going to show you how you can get to their answer. You would say this, but that's how you would act like I'm going to say how to get to the answer, But I'm not going to just give it to you like that because you're never going to be able to do that for yourself. And so I feel like you really did guide through through that as partner. Yeah, I think a lot of the time in relationships, you make someone
feel broken because you keep fixing them. Yeah, and if you keep fixing them, then that means they remain broken and then whenever they feel broken, they have to run to you and depend on you, Whereas if you teach people how to heal themselves and themselves, then you've actually helped them. So I always tell people that loving someone means you make them fall more in love with themselves, not more in love with you, and not more dependent on you. Yeah, that's so true actually, and again that
takes so much more. I think that takes so much more patience to do it that way then it does to just be like okay, fine, let me just do it for you. Like you know, it feels like the fat it's actually the faster option. You think you're sacrificing more by being that person that's fixing, but actually it's
more of a selfish way of dealing with it. From my experience of doing it for other people around me and in other relationships around me, that you end up being someone who yeah, it's actually thinking of it's probably more of a selfish thing because it also allows you to feel more important versus letting them feel their important
and their value. I think a lot of people love people being dependent on them, definitely because it gives them a sense of significance, definitely, especially if you don't know what you're doing in your life or if you feel like you're a bit lost helping other people. And although that's a great thing when you help other people, but the intention behind it and what you're receiving from it can make a huge difference in how you actually feel
about it. So like if you're helping someone through intention of genuinely caring for them, genuinely helping them, or are you helping them because it fuels you into feeling valuable and therefore, like for me, I remember, it used to be just a way that I would throw myself into so I didn't have to think about what I was doing in my life or how to figure out my own things. It was just, Oh, this is great, I need to be doing this. This person needs my help.
I need to create this space for myself in their life because then I don't have to think about all them stuff I actually need to deal with. So was the easier option and more of a selfish option. Yeah, yeah, that's very true. So the next topic is that sometimes your partner can be extremely annoying or you find them annoying. In that case, when of me and rather ever experienced that? When is that as far as a deal breaker and how to deal with feeling annoyed by your partner. I
don't think you've annoyed me. Wow, Like you're not an annoying person in that way. Like I feel like, yeah, there are things that irritate me and I don't really remember stuff like that, but this is the best thing. When yeah, I have a terrible memory stuff and you forget the good thing. Yeah, forget all. You can't have You can't have one or the other. You either have you have both. But I would I would say that obviously there are times where I've got agitated and been
really snappy. I definitely have more of a short fuse than you do, and I have a not tantrums. I wouldn't call them tantrum, but I definitely can be more defense sieve and have more of an ego about arguing. But that's very difficult when the other person doesn't have that. And that's probably the most annoying thing that you do.
That It's like I want to have a fight and you're just like trying to resolve it within the first three seconds when I'm still in fight mode and I'm not, for goodness sake, just fight a little bit, like please just just give me something. And he's just always trying to just make things better. It's so annoying. Um, that's it really, Yeah, that is the thing that annoys me as in because sometimes you just need to have a
fight somebody. You just need to like argue out say things you don't mean, you know, just really, I know, I don't I don't say things that I mean, but what I mean is just like sometimes you just want to have it out and with you. It's like me going and you're going. That's basically how our fights get. You've never said something mean to you, No, Okay, I don't. I don't say that's true. I'm very thoughtful about my words, like I really with everybody that I talk to you
and that I argue with. I may say things irrationally, but I never say things that I don't mean or I'm very specifically my word. But I'm just saying sometimes I like to, you know, have a bit of a tiff. Yeah, yeah, but I would I would agree that. I genuinely don't believe you've ever said something you don't mean, or said something like I don't think you've said something harsh. You might be upset with me. I think I just go silent or I don't say things. Yeah, that's probably the
thing that annoys you. No, not anymore. That used to. But I talk about that in the book. Learned about that. Yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. You know what, I know, you know what the other thing is. I never know what's going to be in podcasts, never know what's going to be a podcast, never know what's going to be in a book. I didn't even know that there was going to be a love book, but somehow there's a book
about love, and its happens to do with us. I'm quite private with certain things, and then suddenly it's all over the news, it's everywhere, and I just don't think about it. I'm like, I don't think I had a choice in this. I think there are certain times I'm like, oh, but but I also think it's like a it's a personal choice of how much you want to share about different parts of your life. And I think it's like, no,
not in a bad let at all. Like I think you are just someone that really wears every like your heart on your sleeve. You're someone who wants to share things, to give lessons and experiences to people. You're never someone who shares to show off. You're never someone who shares to prove a point to anybody. Like you are so wise with how you share things, and that's why it's
not an annoying thing. I don't mean an annoying thing, but it's one of those things that I'm sure there are different types of partners where one person's like way more like I. Everybody always says to me, like, oh my god, you're so eccentric. I can't believe that you don't like doing things in public or that you don't And it's such an interesting thing because you were your nature is like you, Your nature is to be around people, in front of people in terms of like you are,
so you exude that you thrive off it. Like that's when I think that that's when your nature is. It's when you thrive off something like part of it at least, Whereas for me, it's something I definitely learned to wrote into and it's something that I absolutely love, Like I love sharing things with people. But I think the way that you share like you're you're a very open person, and so it's less annoying thing. It's just something I ran really thought of, ye like, yeah, actually I don't.
I don't know, Like some people were telling me, oh, I've heard this about you on the podcast, and I was like, oh my god, I didn't even know that was on the podcast, or like, I didn't even know this was in the book. And so I think it's just it's different ways, and it's just understanding the person's intention behind it so it doesn't upset me. I think I'm very different in terms of how I share about us.
But it's like it's you're also in the relationship. Yeah, but I really appreciate that kind of lends to it because I think someone else could be upset, but I you're right. I only share our ups or downs or challenges because I want people to recognize that there is no perfect partnership. And I think when we first started
sharing about relationship, that's why I stopped. Yeah, that's because I hate being seen, Like I find it really suffocating when if people think anything about perfection to do with me, because I know I'm not that person. I'm not that person's race. I'm like, trust me, he wrote this book for me to read because I need the stuff that's in the book. But like, I genuinely don't feel that I'm a perfect person, and so I find it really suffocating and kind of difficult to handle. And so do
I and so do I. And that's my point. That the reason why I started talking about Oh you're right, Oh you're good, you're right, Well a tissue book. Learn some water, okay, bo, I'm so beautiful do you think? Thanks? Oh? Thanks? Man? Free to break your mind. I'm gonna cry everyone, Okay. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm angry, I cry when I'm sad, I cry with every emotion. It's just how I'm read these things. For anyone who doesn't know that, I've spoken about that thousand times. So
don't worry if you're seeing me crying. No, I know, I know. I'm just telling this. That's actually why I started to share. And we always did, but like share like fights that we had or challenges that we had or things like that, because I just found that I too don't ever want to portray a perfect image of me, of me and you, of anything in my life, because no one's perfect. We're all making mistakes, we're all a
work in progress. And the last thing I want is for people to think that me and you never fight, or that me and you have it all figured out, or that we're not having to transition and grow, because we have to do all those things all the time. And I think the mistake that happens though sometimes with like obviously, like the question, the question I got asked
all the time. Now that you've writ in a book about I love obviously, it's like, oh my gosh, and you are You're like, just to be clear, Jay is literally like one of the most amazing partners you could ever ask for, But they assume that the relationship is just like I just don't like the idea of perfection. I find that with my stuff as well, Like because people think that you're just a positive person and same
with you. You must get that all the time where it's like, oh my gosh, you must never get upset, and you must you just seem happy all the time, and I'm like, and then it makes you want to kind of be like, oh, I'm sad today everyone, and I'm like I choose what I share because I don't want to share that energy with people, because I know the energy I want other people to feel when they watch my things or when they experience it. That doesn't mean I don't harness that energy within me. It's what
I then choose to let other people experience. And I think that's also important to know what you're giving out to people. I know that if someone's sad around me, that's going to make me sad, and so I'm sorry. And where people are happy, it's the same thing, and so I'd rather give off contagious happy energy than sad. But that doesn't mean people don't feel it. Yeah, definitely, definitely, I fully agree with you. This is for my LA
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off your subscription. Babble language for life. And that's why I talk about I mean, I'd constantly be talking about it, like when I get irritated or when I get agitated, or like I always talk about how I get more moody and I can get snappy and all those things with you. And that's why I talk about in the book about how when I get when we have a fight, I want to solve it. When we have a fight, you want to hide, and so I call it venting
and hiding. And then there's another one called exploding, which are the three fight styles. Exploding is when someone just wants to let all their emotions out. And we found a way where in the beginning, when you used to want to hide, you take some time out and I want it to vent. In the beginning, I used to think you didn't care, and so I literally would feel like you didn't love me as much, who you didn't care as much? And I would say that to you,
only to realize that none of that was true. What I realized was that's just how you process an argument. And learning that that's how you process an argument and that what I'm doing isn't right, it's just how I process an argument helps you realize that you could actually be on the same team. And then saying, okay, let's get back to this in twelve twenty four hours, we can actually come back having digested what the problem is
and talk about the problem. And so I shared those kind of examples of our relationship in order to help people understand that even I used to think you didn't love me because you wanted to not talk to me for two days. Yeah, but that's not true. You just needed time to think about it. And just because I wanted to talk about it now doesn't mean I care more. But that's how we think about things. We all think we care more in the way we act, or that
someone else cares less. Yes, and so yeah, and I yeah, I think it's just it's that thing of whenever you or sharing things about you know, you share so many different topics and there's so many things that you speak on, and you know, when it was purpose, I'm sure you've got lots of questions about purpose. When it's love, you get so many questions about love. And I just think there's this like I think I'm still learning to do
you've already. I feel like you have this thing of not You're very good at digesting not really knowing what your intentions are, knowing what you're grounded and knowing your purpose and therefore what other people's perception of that is doesn't affect you as much. I think I'm still working through the like pressure of perfection, which I'm just like it's so hard to be like I'm just not perfect,
Like it's not I'm not happy all the time. I'm not this all the time, but it's very difficult to vocalize that in a way that's not like Okay, you're just saying that because you know it's it's it's so hard to communicate it to people if they've already got that perception of you. And I think that's why sometimes I hide away or shy away from like discussing certain things because for me, it's like I just I find that too difficult to at the moment something that I'm
dealing with myself of like, that's not what I like whenever. Yeah, that's just the phase of my life that I'm in right now. I think I think everyone in the world is looking for perfection. Yeah yeah, yeah, no, but there's a part of us totally you want to know, like
what is that? Yeah, And it's just like once you know, the biggest perfection in when I think about it and have tried to think about that mindset, it's like, okay, because perfection equals happiness in minds like and I can understand sad whenever I see someone who I think whatever perfect is to me has that perfect life, I'm like, oh,
that is what happy is. And I think it's just through my own thing of whenever I've got the things that I think mean perfection or what people periect the things that people perceive of you as being perfect, You're like, that doesn't make me feel happy at all, Like those things that you're saying to me or messaging me saying that, oh, you've got this, which is like, that's that's like the perfect this or whether it's to do with physical appearance
or mental mental state or whatever it is. It's like there's so many parts to perfection that people think equal perfection. But it's like when you hear that from the other side, I'm like, oh wow, if that's perfection, that hasn't made me happy, and so I think there's for me. When I think about perfection now, it's like I've realized stripping back so much to be like, what is what would
make me the most happy? And that's what perfection is, and to me right now, it's really leaning back into my spiritual journey and like really trying to harness that because I know that was the only thing that made me so happy, not only but like the main thing that made me so happy, and that includes the people around you who really support that. But I think when you end up just constantly hearing what perfect is and what people think that think you are as being perfect,
it stops you from actually being yourself. And I'm like, this year, I just want to be so much more less trying to be what other people's perception of me is and just be Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah. And I don't think there's a perfect person. I don't think there's a perfect partner. I think there's just navigating
our imperfect and figuring them out. And the reason I wrote a book about love was not because I'm a love expert or a love guru, or because I think I know everything about love or that we have a perfect love. I wrote about it because I think I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. I wanted to spend time studying it and learning about it, and I wanted to be able to share insights and frameworks that I've created to not just manage our relationship, but manage and coach other
people's worked with. And so when I'm sharing in the book, is there is no story of a perfect love. No, it doesn't exist in the book. There is no perfect story. Even our proposal story I tell as a mistake and that went wrong, and not wrong because you were upset or because you were sad, wrong because it made me realize I was just trying to love you in the way that I thought the movies taught us how to love. I wasn't loving you in the way that you wanted
to be love. No, but I think the tools and the frameworks that you've even shared with me have been so useful for not just our relationship, but like every relationship that I have. So I personally think like everything that you've even taught me in the relationship has been
applicable to every relationship that I have. And I think, like genuinely think you're like the perfect person to write this book because it is so much about You've spent so much time and so much energy build like the relationships that you have, not even just romantic relationship, the
relationships that you have with people. That for me has been like the when you have a qualification, but not the qualification whatever that word is, but the qualification for you to write the book, like because seeing your relationships with people, how deep they are, how genuine they are, how authentic they are, like that is that in itself is the most beautiful thing, because it's so hard to build relationships in the world, like through all of this
stuff that happens throughout life, through the barriers that we've put up, through the social media filters, through every fi there's so many filters that we end up having throughout our life now, especially because you're exposed to so many people. The more people you're exposed to, the more you feel like you have to adapt, the more you feel like you have to change. And sometimes you're putting on different clothes and different things, not clothes, but different clothes and
layers to be different people for different people. And I think you are someone who, literally, through every relationship I have seen, remain the same person. You react to things in the same way, you treat things in the same way. So this is me saying separately as your partner, saying that the way that you have cultivated relationships and really work through how you create authentic relationships, that for me is like I want to read the book because of that,
then that obviously applies to our relationship. The way that you communicate, the way that you share things, like it takes so much work to become that person and to just read the book to understand. And by the way, this is not a book book plug, guys, I haven't ready yet, but I know it's going to be good just because of having experienced that and seen it like for ten years, day in day out, the way that you are and that's why people who are close to you and the people that you have in your life
and the way that you have created those relationships. There are relationships that you have for years and years and years or they will and not even if they're not, they're relationships that have got so deep so fast that
it's never been about the surface level stuff. And I think, like that is just so powerful and so amazing because I know I've had relationships, I've had friendships that I've had or relationships for years and years and this you know, they still don't feel what they should feel like because I haven't invested the time to figure out how to make it that. And each relationship is so individual that
you have to invest that time. So if you want that relationship with someone, and you want that friendship, you want that brothership, whatever it is, it takes that time investment. It takes creating those frameworks, it takes creating whatever it is. But you know, it is an investment of time and energy. And I think that the amount of relationships that you've had throughout your life that have been so meaningful that in itself shows that you have so much to share
and wisdom to share on it. And so, you know, romantic plus the relationships. I think that's such an important skill that you have to have through your life. And I feel like I would be so sad if I got to the end of my life and I was like, Wow, I had all these friends, but like no real relationships. The whole thing we need in as humans, I feel,
is to feel that connection. And you can go fifty sixty seventy eighty years of your life not even having one connection to someone in that way, And how sad to have missed out on life. Sad I'm talking sad for me, not like, oh that's sad, but like genuinely sad to go through a whole life's worth of living and not actually having experienced what a relationship means like that that would just you know, how unfulfilling that would be.
And so yeah, I'm like, I genuinely excited to read it because I feel like and you're like, they're teaching me along the way. But sometimes it's hard to really hear from someone that you spend time with or like that you really that you not take for granted, because I really value what you do, but you kind of take the words for granted when you're not studying it or when you're not actually you know, when you're not
in a place to even receive it. And so I feel like I'm in that place where now where I really want to build deeper connections. And I think that's why it's. Yeah, I think it's such an important thing from you. From other people started listening to the podcast recently, I did this on purpose. The question was what did we find annoying about each other? I did. I said that it's when you share things about me that I don't know about. That is something that genuinely annoys me.
And also because it's seen from your perspective, and you have like filter of your eyes when it comes to me, because you always think things I do are nice when actually I can be a terror. But yeah, I change the question. Sorry. Yeah, so either chapter in this book or your partner is your guru? Yeah, and this was inspired by you, great, amazing, Well, really it was inspired from our tradition and the idea that relationships are more
about education and enlightenment than they are about entertainment. Yeah, and I think that you get into relationships because of pleasure, but actually relationships that last are ones in which you grow and which you find a purpose. And I think that sounds really unsexy and uncool because people think, like, oh, my partner should just be someone I have fun with all the time, and we have a lot of fun together.
We've had a lot of fun over the last ten years, for sure, without a doubt, like whether it was when we've traveled together, when we've started Joyo together, when we've moved, whether we you know, we're in this tiny shoe box apartment or whatever it was, We've had a great time. But the greatest great time is when you're learning and growing together, because you actually learn how to improve your
relationship and that's what makes your relationship better. So when I talk about your partners, your guru, what I love is that if you look at Eastern traditions, gurus are not the people who tell you what to do, or preach to you or act smarter than you. The guru, like the monk gurus, they would come and sit at the back of the class and listen to a young monk give a talk like that's what gurus did. Or when you bow down to an elder guru, the guru would bow down to you on the floor, even if
they were twice your age. Like, the guru was not a figure that made you feel inferior. It's not authoritative, yeah, but the guru was a figure that constantly made you feel like they believed in you and that you had potential and that you had value to offer. And so when I wrote this chapter called your Partner is your Guru, I break down the qualities of a student, and I break down the qualities of a guru, and all of the qualities are a guru is generally your partner who
believes in you. And I found what I found in relationships is that it's so easy for you to be the most critical person of your partner. Yeah, it's so easy for you to say that, oh, yeah, you're just the worst, and you're so like lazy, and you're just like you're not ambitious enough and you're not organized enough. It's so easy. And I found on so many couples were in that space, even if you don't say it. We feel that about our partners because people say it
to other people. The amount of people that come to me and say, my partner's not ambitious enough, he doesn't work hard enough, like, oh, she doesn't understand enough, she's too clingy, like we have these negative views. And actually we should be the ones who see the potential in our partner. Of course, beyond any and I make this very clear in the book, beyond any abusive or toxic relationships we've should look at the potential in our partner.
We should be the ones who are like making them feel like they can grow and become something, of course not ridiculous and stupid ways, but in a healthy way. Yeah, that's why I think that when I wrote this chapter, one of the ways in which you've been my guru is that. And I've said this multiple times to other people. I don't think i've said it to you fully, but I think that as I became more materially successful, I wanted you to love me more for my material success,
and you didn't. Like, you just didn't budge. So even if i'd win an award, or i'd be number one, or i'd whatever I did, I never felt like you love me more, And for a long time in our relationship, I just felt like you didn't love me like because of that, because you didn't love me more. And then when I would talk to you or I would hear about what you said to someone else, and even when I listened to you today, it's like, I'm constantly reminded that you love me for who I am, not what
I achieve. And that has been the greatest grow thing that you've done, because I think I would have started to love myself for what I've achieved and not who I am if you love me for what I achieved or not. And so that is such a subtle, intricate point.
But that's the kind of stuff that your partner can do for you because your partner actually sees you and then in a more like, in a more tangible way, you're the person like if I'm practicing a talk to you, or I'm practicing something to you, or I read you a part of the book when I'm first writing it, you'll call me out and be like that's average, or I don't hype that, or I'm so great, and it's like your partner is only doing that and you say this to me all the time when my ego gets
in the way, and you'll be like, I'm only doing that because I want it to be amazing, because I care about you. Yeah, the person who doesn't care about you're just gonna be like, Oh, that's amazing, Like that's awesome, just keep doing it. Was you're like, I don't. I don't want you to look stupid on stage tomorrow. I want you to think about it. And so I find that that also is how your partner's your group because they're the only one who can coach you through your ego.
Because if anyone else said that, I probably wouldn't take it. But because you're saying it's like I know she wants only what's for my best and so I will listen
more as well. Yeah, things, But I also think with what you were saying about, you know, the awards and stuff, I think there's you know, what I've learned from those situations is that there's still an element to like even though you know, I always think about people who achieve a lot in their life, and it must not saying oh my god, it's so hard to achieve it lot enough, but it just is. No, I mean no, what I mean, it's so it's such a hard life to achieve a lot.
What I'm trying to say is that it's it's difficult sometimes for people who and by the way, this doesn't mean achieves a lot in the limelight or achieves a lot in their day to day life. But you know, people can get so used to people achieving that every success doesn't end up feeling like a success to the other people. But the the not grow out what sort of like the graft that's gone into it. Only the
person who's done it knows. And even as someone who's watched you through it or watched, you know, watched you actually um do what you need to do to get you know, those achievements, it's still not the same as being that person. And so to even be a person watching and observing still to have that respect and that value for it and to share that, oh my gosh,
that's amazing. Like and I think, I, you know, I genuinely think I just got so used to you achieving and you've always been a person who's achieving in but
the work has just always been there. But I think it's even just appreciating the work, even if you don't appreciate the what's come from it, even if I'm not like, oh my gosh, this award, because sometimes I'm like, oh wow, another streaming, Oh wow, another this like okay, cool, because I know that there's always more coming because I know you are just such an achiever and like you are, you put in the work, so naturally there's going to be achievement. But I think there is so much in
even though you're not looking for it. What I've learned from it is there is so much to actually, so much to sharing that Wow, I see the work that you're doing, like that's amazing. And I never felt like you needed that validation because I was like, oh, you just keep going and you know that you're doing great, like you must know it because you are. But I think it's really important for loved ones, partner, family to
keep sharing people's success. And there's you know, when you end up celebrating other people's success, I've realized that in my life, it makes you so much more of a better person because you're really thinking about how amazing it is for someone to have done that, and not even just the success the legwork that's happened before that. And I really it's so important to do that. It's not
about boosting someone's ego. It's not about making someone feel like, oh, what they've got is it's so valuable, but making someone know that we see the work that you're doing, and we see the hard work that's going into it, and I see you. Know. I just it's a way of saying I see you in a subtle way. And I think it's really underrated because because I think people are used to being like, oh, Wow, that's amazing, you've got this,
but they don't think about everything else before. So now when I think about celebrating someone's success or celebrating your success, it's like me actually saying to you, Wow, I see everything that's happened for you to get there, and I've realized how important that is, and I don't normally and I've not been someone to do that for you. So now I'm like, oh, I really do want to do that for you and for other people around me. And
I think you're right. The group art is true, like whatever I've noticed I haven't been doing has been instrumental for this, but also in every relationship that I have, because it's showing me that the little thing you know. You know, it's so much about yourself. Obviously, there always you notice the most about yourself in relationships, right, like
who you actually are. And I feel like in a lot of other relationships, I haven't seen that, you know, with my mom, she's always just like whatever, you know, whatever you end up doing, your Mom's love you like all the time. It's like unlimited amount of love. But I think in relationships you're constantly reflected back to you. They don't in your relationships, you don't allow you know.
I feel like I see it on a constant basis of what I'm not doing, especially if your partner is someone who is so loving that the reflection is you know, you can't help but see the things about you need to change because that person is constantly just pouring love into you. And so I think it's just anyway, I just think it's such an important part. But that group part that you were saying, I completely agree because I feel like I've had that and that's been pouring into
other areas of my life too, and so yeah, that's it. Well, why loving you always do that? At the end of when you to argument something, I'm like, you're really passionate again. Yeah, so that's it, Yeah, because I feel like I just end up repeating it in different ways, willing to be sixtinct. Yeah, So the question is what have we prioritized in a previous relationship that we don't prioritize in this relationship. Something we basically thought was important before but we no longer
think is important now in this relationship. I think it's what you've talked about a lot, and I'm sure many people have heard you say this, but the time quality thing. I think that's been something that you you know, the more time you spend with someone, you think that time is the investment. People think that time is the investment, Like the amount of time you spend with someone is what the investment is. This person is willing to spend two hours with me, but this person is willing to
spend fifteen minutes with me. That must mean the two hour person values me more, loves me more, cares for me more. But what is the quality of those two hours? What is the quality of those fifteen minutes? Makes such a difference. And I think, you know, I've just been so used to that concept that that's what I always you know, related to this friend or this relationship, this person wants to spend the most amount of time with me, that must mean you know that person loves me more.
And so I think that's something I've really changed, because you can feel so much more fueled from a fifteen minute interaction with someone and loved with presents, then you can with you know, two hours of someone's distracted time. And I'm that's something I'm still working on as a person of being someone who's present. I think it's something i've really you know, I've been up and down with it.
There are different times where my mind can just you know, go everywhere and do everything and not even be in the same room as everybody else that I'm in the room with. But I think it's something that I know, it's something it's it's I want to be working on and something I want to be improving on. But I think that's a value that I have changed. I love that. I think I've talked about this a few times, but
I do think it's it's important to keep ridging. Like I think I used to see romance and it's very one way. I had a very singular view of what romance meant, which was like nice dinner, Candlelight Flowers movie like that kind of very typical idea of what romance looks like. Or like Netflix and chill where you're like snuggled up on the couch watching Like I think we all have these very basic views, Like I had someone
asked me the other day. They were like, you know, if I'm Netflix and chilling with someone, like we've gone beyond the first date phase of having a drink together, but now we're Netflix and chilling, Like, but I don't feel chemistry. And I was like, you're not going to feel chemistry Netflix and chilling, ye, just watching a TV show a movie, Like you can't feel chemistry for someone
doing that because it's such a basic activity. And I think our relationship by almost chance, and I don't know how, but we kind of started on that foot of Like one of our first dates was go ape and go for anyone who doesn't know what that is is an assault course that's eighty feet up in the air. You know, we're like swinging from branch to branch. We're helping each other out, Like you got to see what scared me,
I got to see what scared you. Like there's just so much opportunity for chemistry there, and we would have very easily figured out if there wasn't any chemistry there. And another thing that we've done a lot of, which we talked about before, is escape rooms. Again, it's very easy to like get a conversation started and like you don't have to have that awkward silence because there's something to solve. And I think that's what life's kind of like,
Like life's about solving a problem. Life isn't just talking to each other. And often when you go to dinner or I see so many couples on their phones and no one's talking for like an hour and a half, and the food comes and you kind of mention a few things that you like and then you're back to your phone. And that's because you can't just sit there and have random conversation. You need another almost activator or
something interesting or fascinating to do. Like I know when we've been to like a pottery class or a painting class, or recently you tried to do wakeboarding, right, and it's like that to me is so much more. I learned so much more about you watching you try to do this possible task but an extreme sport. I might add an extreme sport which made you feel like you had
whiplashed the next pain. Yeah, but it was like so fun watching you try something as opposed to like if we just sat at the beach and at dinner, Like it just goes to be the same, and I appreciate it. By the way, Like we're tired at the end of the day, we do want to turn a sean on. That's fine, but at least once a week, I think
it's really important to go do something different. Things build. Yeah, something that builds, something where you're learning about something someone, where you get more curious, you laugh at each other, you laugh at yourself, something where you're both doing a new experience. Because I find that in my old relationships, I literally thought of love and romance as a very typical date night. And I don't think we have a
typical date night. I think we try and avoid it generally. Yeah, if we go to watch a movie, we don't see that as date night. We just see that as watching a movie. Ye both like oh, we really want to see this movie, let's go and watch it. But we're not like, oh, this is date night, Like that doesn't become our bonding. That just becomes something fun we want to do or we don't a TV show and think this is us bonding, Like it's where you're not connecting.
Can't be something that deepens or strengthens or creates, you know,
a different perspective on your relationship. It's just you know, I used to feel the same way where it's like, oh, you know that that thing of going on a Friday like movie night, you know, and if if if every single time you're hanging out, it's an activity where there's little connection, little like a connection on like all of its connection on a mental level, connection on talking like there's so much to do with connection that needs to happen within um, within a day or within spending time
with someone where if you're watching something or if you're doing something with little of that, how can you get to the end of the day and be like, you know, well that that was really good. I really felt like I connected with that person. Because when you're just sitting there together in the same space, but there's connection, isn't you know that that's a different type. There's not a
deeper connection that you're building during that time. And again, I love going to watch movies and stuff, but I think I've learned even if I want to get to know a friend, I won't ask her to come to watch a movie with me. That won't be the first time I'm spending with a girlfriend I'm trying to get to know. It will be let's go work out together,
let's go food shopping together. Like it sounds so mum, but something where we're able to connect on things, find out mutual things that we like or love, and you know, that's what really builds familiarity and a connection. And so yeah, I agree. So the question is, if we rewinded ten years, what would have been our top three things we were looking for in a person. Yeah, at that time, I think my mom was more worried about me looking for a partner than I was. And I'm jacking. She wasn't
like pushing or anything. But your mom forced you to marry. Yeah, basically, I don't know. I was like in a big transitional phase of my life when I was when I started getting to know you, or when I met you. At least that's long time ago where we're talking. When we first started dating ten years ago. We started dating right, So at that point I don't think I knew I think I was just at the point in my life where I was like, oh, I knew I wanted someone
that I could um grow spiritually with. I think that was that was probably top of my list at the time because of the phase I was in. I was, you know, in deep at that time of really trying to explore that phase of my life at that part of my life, and so that was probably number one for me. Was someone that I know has has spirit and that wants to explore that part of their life too. That's what I wanted, and I didn't really have any like at that time, had any like financial goals or
anything that wasn't something I thought about very often. Um And then apart from that, I'm trying to think, oh and just laughing, Like I knew that I wanted someone that I could laugh with then crack jokes with then just yeah, I think laughing was really important to me, and I don't think I hadn't spend time to think about that at the time. So that's that's about all
I can think of. I don't think I ever had a list either, Like I don't think I was ever that kind of a person, and that's why I'm not a big list person now, like I don't. I think lists can often minimize who you meet because you have such a criteria. That's true, and then you're finding this person who has all of this perfect criteria. But someone can be perfect on paper and still not the right person. And I think you see this like, I mean, I'm
giving a sports analogy here, but bear with me. It's the idea that sometimes a team on paper can be the perfect team. They have all the best players in the world, but they don't perform on the pitch or on the field. And I feel like that's what relationships end up like, where you have this person who ticks all your criteria, but then they're not that in real life, like you don't feel that with them. So I think relationships are more about discovering someone Like I couldn't have
known what you would be like in ten years. You just can't know can't know what someone's going to be like in ten years, and so all I could do is be curious and open and learn you are so many more things than I ever thought you were or would be or could be or anything. But you either have to figure it out as you go and go. Oh, I like that or don't like that and let that be what leads you, rather than be like, Okay, I
think I know who this person is. But then what if they change, if those three things you wanted became completely different. Like I did want someone who is spiritually grounded, you are still spiritually grounded, and that is a massive pursuit in you. I wonder what I would feel like
if you weren't. Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't even know how I feel about that, because that would be something you'd have to be open to it if it came to them, right, And So I think criteria interesting, but I think it's more about exploring and discovering a human being. That's true. Actually, so many people have lists of Like so many of my friends who are looking for a partner will have all these lists of what they want, and every category they'll have something that they
want in it. And times it's like, oh, I met this person and they made me laugh and they you know, they really give that feeling that they've been looking for. But then they don't meet the criteria and it kind of completely throws them off and they don't even know whether to go on a second date with them, and it kind of feels like a missed opportunity because you know, it's so a lot of the time it should be so much more about emotion and how someone makes you
feel versus whether they fit that that's perfect that you've created. Yeah, like some people like he has to be six foot two. Yeah, so, oh my god, so many people. And I'm like, like my friends like has to be told dark and handsome, and I get being attracted to tattoo, and I get being attracted to your partners. Yeah, I'm not saying it. I'm not saying don't be attracted obviously obviously right, just putting that out there, But you can't make that the
criteria of it all. Like, you know, if you're already getting along with Like, if you get along with someone and you've you've got that you know, connection to then go back to your list and be like tick tick a cross because they're six foot two is not going to keep that relationship, that's the point. Whether you know that's not going to make sure they're all going to shrink, you know what happens with our days? So then married
six for four exactly exactly. So the question is how do we show up for our partner, even when our partner has so many other priorities, has a purpose as things that keep them busy. How do we still show up for each other when we're busy and they're busy and have so much going on. Yeah, I think this was actually our weakness because being busy in our life came about on us so quickly. Like I don't you know. I always said this to people, like I didn't plan
for this life. We didn't plan for this life. Things transformed and moved very quickly and changed very quickly, and it took off quickly, even for us, and we almost had to play catch up with it. And so I never thought when we got married that we'd ever spend any time apart right right right, And all of a sudden months in our relationship before the pandemic, in the first two years of our marriage, we spent like eight months apart. And Yeah, then it was the pandemic and
we spent every day together and I loved it. I'd ever say it was two of my favorite years of spending time with you, because I love spending time I do for those two years and then when the pandemic was over again, our lives again they have been like we spent like nearly six months apart last year. This month, at the start of this year, we've already spent a month apart obviously different reasons. And last year again was
a surprise. It wasn't part of the plan. Yeah, it was challenges beyond us that we couldn't control that we're keeping us apart visa issues things like that that are like complex and you know, things that we have to deal with when you are from different countries and live in different countries. And that was like the first time where I realized that I didn't have good tools for that kind of distance, and actually because I just thought that it didn't matter, you just stay the same and
things would be fine. And so I think I've actually learned the hard way sometimes where I haven't been as well informed or didn't think I had all the tools or had it all figured out. And I've realized the importance of checking in every day, which I never really used to think that was a thing. I never thought
you had to check in every day. And I know that sounds stupid to a lot of people, but no, I think it also because of both very safe depending Oh yeah, we're very independent as well, and we're SI safe and secure and we trust each other. And then I realized checking in every day was so important when we were traveling or not in the same place. That was a big one. I'd say that the other one was for every day you spend a part you need
to have a quality day together. I really believe that, Like I felt like last year, when we didn't see each other for six months, I felt like I spent the next six months only thinking about a relationship because it had to be the priority. You can't just expect a plant or a tree to grow in your house when you don't water it and you don't take care of it. And so if you've not seen it for six months because you've been traveling, you don't just get yeah.
You don't just get to come back to it and go, oh great, like I'm back now, like start blooming. Like it doesn't work that way, Like it takes so much of that effort, and I think I didn't fully digest that. And last year was that year where I was like, all right, that's what it's going to take. It's going to take six months of recreating, refocusing, reproatizing, And that's
what I did last year. That's how I felt that I focused on that at the end of last year, and that's how I feel now as well, Like, you know, you've been here because of family challenges and things like that with your grandma has not been well, and who obviously we know it's your favorite person in the world,
and it's like you've obviously wanted to be with. Then again, we haven't seen each other for a month because you've had to be with the an hospital, and so there's so many things that come up in our lives that are always going to be there. So we can't live in this perfect world of like, oh, never go two days without each other. Life doesn't work that way. Life
is what you can't make fake rules. But the rule I have made is that when we are reconnecting, you have to go deeper in less time to rebuild the relationship. When you are busy and you have to spend quality time. One of the things I loved that we did was and I want to get back to it as soon as we're in a flow of being together again. It's like the idea of every thirty days to take three days. We disappeared three hours away from LA we'd lock our phones away in the room and we just bike together,
walk together, and be together. And to me, when you all have a busy month, having three days a month where you go so deep with each other is so needed because you are busy every month and not everyone has time every day or the energy every day to sit down with their partner and check in and make it. And you can't, but you can once a month. And I think you have to have a monthly check in. Even when we do these annual check ins, I think
these are really important. Like, yes, we record it and it goes out as a podcast, but I think every couple should have an annual check in and answer these questions that we're answering. Otherwise, like years go by and then a decade later you're thinking about your relationship. And so I think reflecting is such a powerful tool, and
recording is actually a powerful tool. And I think if we were to reflect and record more often every month and every year with our partners, your relationship will go in the right direction as opposed to your relationship going off in a wrong direction. Yeah, and then you're trying to save it years later. Yeah, that makes sense. I think check ins. Yeah, I think I didn't think that that was like, oh, we're on two different time zones.
It's so hard to just we'll just figure out when we see each other and we'll talk when we see each other. Well, we'll catch up with each other when we see each other. But yeah, I think daily chickens is a really important part of it. Message or call, like whatever is feasible and easy to do. I think being really honest about what you need as well, like
I feel, yeah, that's true. That's feel like just catching the person, like you know that even if I've had a busy day, if you said to me, I really need to talk to you tonight or let's chat totally, you know, I'd be there, yea, even if I've had a really busy day and I'm exhaust or whatever it may be. But if you don't know, sometimes you assume your partner just yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that's always where things go wrong, where it's like, well, why
haven't you checked in with me for a month? Yeah, That mentality really ruins relationship. Rather than you're saying, let's agree to have a check in out. Yeah, we're doing see what you need. Help with. One thing I've recommended in the book was four questions. So once every day is what have you done for yourself today? Once every week is what you've got coming up this week? And what support do you need? Every quarter is is this relationship going in the direction you want? And how can
we get it in there? And the fourth question every year is what are your goals? And how can I help you? I ask you a lot of those questions all the time, and so I just broke it down into that formula because I really wanted people to have like really clear things that they could do. Yeah, I'll ask you them from nowa cool get my napead out. So the question is it's early twenty twenty three, what are our goals? What are we pursuing? What's important to
us as a couple for this year. I always talk about in the book how there's three types of relationship, the one you have with your own purpose, the one your partner has with their purpose, and then having a purpose together as well. And so looking at that third part of it, I think for me, it's I really feel that even though I haven't been neglectful or I don't feel I've put our relationship second or or less
important for this much time. I'm definitely in a place this year where i want it to be really important, and so I want to travel more together. I want to spend even more quality time together, especially because we've kind of gone from having like two years when we first we went together, two years married where we were like to in the pandemic where we're together every days now again the business and it's almost like I want to make sure that I'm constantly investing in that in
our relationship. And I think traveling together more, having that deep time as I'm talking about together more those weekend more, like that stuff is so important to me and I'm really looking forward to that with you. Yeah, me too that And like I think for me, it's like learning how to schedule in time because sometimes I can be like, oh, yeah, we will happen and we can do it whenever and we'll just hang out and like planning things and creating
experiences and moments for that to happen. I think that's that's something I want to work on because I'm not very good at that. Yeah, thank you Raddy for coming back on right. You'll be coming back on a lot this year and next year because you've got so many exciting things. Sorry, I'm like fully booked for the rest of the year, so you had so many exciting things coming up. I'm so exciting. I'm so proud of you, Like I've been watching you in the background work on
so many incredible things. Yeah that I'm gonna excite and delight so many people, will surprise so many people, and I can't wait for you to share them with the world. Me too. I'm excited, and I love you, and it's been fun watching you grow. It's been funding this with you as always. I can't believe we haven't done it for two years. I know, I can't. Well, we're doing last year. I didn't see you for six months. Oh yeah,
that was it. But I love you so much and I'm so grateful to be in this journey of life with you. And I don't think I would have learned a half of what I've learned in life or what I put in this book if I wasn't with you. Same and so you've taught me so much. Same who told me so much? Still find you as adorable years ago. And that's the rap. Guys, Thank you so much for watching and listening today. Make sure you tag Radley and I with anything that stood out to you or anything
that connected or resonated with you. As always rather than I try to be extremely open and organic with you with these conversations. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it helps you in your daily life, in your relationships and with the people that you connect with. That's our only intention and our only goal. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose, and I'll see you on
another episode. Thank you so much. Hi. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships