Sleep is as important to our teens as our toddlers. But ensuring a teenage boy gets the sleep he needs is even more difficult than convincing a toddler to nap that day after you move him from the crib to a toddler bed. Teen boys are even more strong-willed than toddlers -- and most are bigger and stronger than us too. Add in school schedules that are totally out-of-sync with teens' circadian rhythms and the ever-present pull of screens and social media and it's easy to see why most teens aren't ...
May 26, 2022•48 min
Dads need to help boys understand and shape masculinity. In years past, fathers were often "there, but not there," according to Craig Wilkinson, a dad of two and founder of Father a Nation, a South African nonprofit that addresses gender-based violence, crime and fatherlessness by restoring and equipping men to be nation-builders, fathers and role models. Dads focused on providing for their families, as that's what they were taught. They didn't engage emotionally because their parents didn't emo...
May 19, 2022•42 min
Gender bias affects boys’ experience in schools. It’s most often unconscious and unintentional bias but it affects how our boys see themselves and how they feel about school and learning. And until we admit that fact and grapple with the gender equation in schools, things aren’t going to get much better. Educator Jason Ablin learned that lesson the hard way. Early in his teaching career, he assumed he was doing a great job connecting with students of all genders. An in-depth, in-classroom evalua...
May 12, 2022•45 min
Finding ecohappiness can decrease boys' anxiety levels and increase family harmony. There's a strong -- and direct -- link between time in nature and mental health. Human beings require nature exposure for optimal physical and mental health. Of course, that's easier to say than to achieve in modern life, when many of us live in urban environments and use screens to work, learn, and socialize. But there are fun ways to integrate nature exposure with daily life, says Sandi Schwartz, founder of the...
May 05, 2022•39 min
Mathew Blades was a father and successful radio DJ before he recognized the impact of generational trauma on his life. On his boys' lives. Sure, his childhood included a lot of screaming and some spanking. And sure, his father died abruptly when Mathew was just 23 years old. Stuff happens. Mathew did what most people do: he buried his pain and pushed through. That worked, more or less. Until the back pain and shingles, stress and panic attacks. Until Mathew had to admit that he wasn't doing well...
Apr 28, 2022•58 min
Why are video games so important to boys? That's the question a listener sent in response to our recent call for questions. The listener who asked that question just happens to be Jen's brother -- and another one of their brothers happens to be a video game designer, so we got them all together to explore the role of video games in boys' lives. "I remember feeling so ticked when things went wrong when I was playing," says Doc Wondra, a dad of 3 who grew up gaming on the Atari, ColecoVision and N...
Apr 21, 2022•42 min
Sex talks with tweens can be...awkward. Even Amy Lang, ON BOYS' go-to sex ed guru, stumbled through her initial sex talks with her son. "I thought I'd be great at it, but I just wasn't," she says. "I realized I'd rather talk to a 15 year old about their pregnancy than talk to my five year old about his penis." But boys need accurate information about human bodies, sexuality, and relationships. They need our help to recognize and explore cultural messages about sex and sexuality. The tween years ...
Apr 14, 2022•46 min
Raising boys brings up all kinds of questions! Kristen asks: Is it normal for a 9-10 year old boy to get into physical altercations with friends at every play date? Juliann asks for help figuring out how to best support a son who is "generally non-ambitious" when he finally identifies and pursues an ambition. She asks: How can I tell when I'm giving enough support without smothering or causing learned helplessness? Leslie finds herself in "constant battles" with her 11-year-old son. An example: ...
Apr 07, 2022•41 min
How can we help boys develop healthy body image? That's not a question parents of boys asked in previous generations. Girls, parents thought, were the ones at risk for body dissatisfaction, given the constant onslaught of heavily stylized (and often Photoshopped) images of impossibly perfect and thin women featured in magazines, movies, and TV shows. But boys aren't immune to body image pressure. As many as 75% of adolescent boys are dissatisfied with their bodies – and that dissatisfaction lead...
Mar 31, 2022•40 min
The Global Initiative for Boys & Men (GIBM) focuses on research and advocacy to support boys and men, according to Sean Kullman, the group's president. GIBM has established a BAM index, a Boys and Men Well-Being Index, an open-source resource packed with information and statistics the reflect the well-being of boys and men. The BAM Index has data in 6 categories: Education Physical and mental health Job, career and financial health Fatherhood, family and relationships Criminal justice system...
Mar 24, 2022•44 min
When they realized that schools wouldn't change quickly enough to meet their kids' needs, members of the Black Mothers Forum opened microschools, with an eye toward ending the school to prison pipeline. Existing school leaders and educators “really did not understand how to create a safe and supportive learning environment for our Black children,” say Janelle Wood, President of The Black Mothers Forum, Inc. She recalls getting frequent calls from school (for minor issues) when her now-adult son ...
Mar 17, 2022•49 min
Four years of ON BOYS podcast! 214 episodes, more than 900,000 downloads, and countless deep, moving moments. We've talked about vaping, sex, boys & body image, consent, connection, and misconceptions about boys. We wrestle with gender stereotypes, education, and the real-life struggles of living with boys. Janet and Jen collectively devote up to 10 hours per week to ON BOYS podcast -- 10 hours spent finding and connecting with top experts; preparing for our interviews; researching topics; e...
Mar 10, 2022•41 min
How do we raise LBGTQ allies? We know boys are (still) subject to a lot of homophobia and transphobia. Our culture is full of messages that tell boys it's best to be straight and stereotypically masculine. And though many of us think we're raising our boys to tolerant, inclusive, and accepting, they may be getting a different message from what we don't say. Chris Tompkins, author of Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent's Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground, recognized the power of unspo...
Mar 03, 2022•47 min
How many of these myths & misconceptions about boys have you heard? How many do you believe? "Boys are easier than girls." "Boys are less emotional than girls." "Boys leave their families when they grow up." "With boys, you don't have to fight over clothing choices." "There's less to worry about with a son than a daughter when they're teenagers and dating." "Boy mom" & writer Jessica Wozinsky Fleming, a mom of 4 sons (ages 7, 5, 3 & 3) has heard all of these before. (As has Jen, our ...
Feb 24, 2022•45 min
Empowering boys is one powerful way to address the boy crisis. Some people -- often, people who don't have or work with boys -- wonder why boys need to be empowered. After all, they say, men still control most businesses and countries. But boys struggle in the classroom and in our communities. "Dangerous double standards" exist regarding sexual abuse, depending on whether the victim is male or female, says Laurie A. Couture, a mental health specialist, mother, and author of Instead of Medicating...
Feb 17, 2022•44 min
Brain-body parenting can help you raise joyful, resilient boys, says Dr. Mona Delahooke. Boys' behavior offers clues as to what's going on inside the child -- and deciphering what's happening internally can help us tailor our response to the unique human individual before us. It's time to "move from focusing on behaviors to focusing on how each child perceives, understands, and interprets their world," says Dr. Delahooke, a child psychologist and author of Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Manag...
Feb 10, 2022•46 min
Picky eaters... are incredibly common. Nearly all kids go through food jags. ALL humans have food preferences. Navigating all of this around the dinner table, though, can feel frustrating and overwhelming. Even for experts. "I felt confident going into parenting!" says Rebecca Toutant, a registered dietician who began her career helping children with autism and sensory issues expand their palate. "I thought my boys would be these really wonderful, adventurous eaters and we'd sit down at the dinn...
Feb 03, 2022•47 min
Gender norms still (and unnecessarily!) limit boys, says journalist Lisa Selin Davis, author of Tomboy: The Surprising History and Future of Girls Who Dare to be Different. Which may not be an accident, since gender norms (as we know them today) were essentially created to ensure that male children grew into straight, non-homosexual men. "The way we conceive of boys' stuff and girls' stuff in this country is really only about 100 years old," she says. "It's important for us to understand that wh...
Jan 27, 2022•47 min
Nefertiti Austin’s son was 6 yrs old when she realized he’d “have to learn that his race and gender could get him killed," she writes in Motherhood So White: A Memoir of Race, Gender, and Parenting in America. That's not a lesson white boys have to learn, and that's one consequence of living in a country where motherhood is so white. As Nefertiti points out in her 2019 book, the default “parent” in American culture is a married white person with white children. Her 15 year old son is now 5'10 an...
Jan 20, 2022•42 min
Sports and masculinity have long been intertwined. For a long time, boys and men were the only ones who were allowed to play sports. Athletic fields and locker rooms were seen as places where boys became men. We’ve seen where that can lead. We’ve seen little boys & teenagers told to “man up!”, “rub some dirt on it” and play past the pain. We’ve heard “locker room talk” and know all about horrific hazing that has happened in some high school locker rooms. Each of us can probably name multiple...
Jan 13, 2022•46 min
Yes, it's possible to have a kid and a life. A life beyond babies, boys, and ballgames. A life that includes your hopes, dreams, and passions. It's normal (and healthy) for your career, marriage, and friendships to shift and evolve when you become a parent. But you don't have to give your all to parenting. It's okay (and healthy!) to reserve some time and energy for yourself. "As my son got older, all of my activities centered around what he did," says Ericka Souter, a journalist and author of H...
Jan 06, 2022•39 min
Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2021? Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels The answers may surprise you! 5. Highly Sensitive Boys with William Allen By age 5, William Allen understood very clearly that he was different. People told him to “man up” and that he “needed to be tougher.” Their words and reactions to his emotions told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was not living up to the masculine ideal. And, like many highly sensitive people (HSP), William reacted strongly to criticism....
Dec 30, 2021•34 min
ON BOYS listeners really want to know how to keep boys safe online. Which makes sense, given that the internet is a portal to all kinds of free and easily accessible porn -- as well as conspiracy theories, disinformation, and peer pressure. In January 2021, we asked our friend Amy Lang to help us address this question, and she did not disappoint. The resulting episode was so well-received that it became our most popular episode of 2021. Keeping Boys Safe Online has been downloaded more than 8,00...
Dec 23, 2021•55 min
How do we raise next gen men -- men who can thrive in the 21st century? "When you're on a playground, you can't yell, 'Hey, Tommy, cut that hegemonic masculinity out!'" says Jake Stika, co-founder of Next Gen Men, a Canadian organization dedicated to changing how the world sees, acts and thinks about masculinity. Parents, educators and boys need concrete, practical suggestions and assistance. Talking to boys about consent, for example, is not enough. Today's tweens and teens understand the conce...
Dec 16, 2021•50 min
Dr. Jon Lasser believes we all have a role to play in expanding boys' opportunities. The Man Box and Boy Code still limit and shape boys' behavior. And although there are plenty of books and TV shows that encourage girls to step past gendered boundaries, there are far fewer resources for boys and their parents. "As a feminist dad, I found a lot of great resources for girls that showed them that they could be anyone they wanted to be. They could be strong and capable and powerful. But I didn't se...
Dec 09, 2021•46 min
Jack Kammer says boys are affected by sexism too. Boys and girls who engage in the same exact behavior may be treated very differently. And yet, when we fail to acknowledge that fact, we contribute to the gaslighting of our boys. Because the truth is that males and females both experience advantages AND disadvantages related to their sex and gender. But while a lot of societal effort has been directed toward decreasing gender-related disadvantages that hold back females, little attention has bee...
Dec 02, 2021•51 min
Did you know that boys may be more susceptible to respiratory viruses than girls? Society tells us that boys are strong and tough, but the truth is that males are biologically fragile -- from before birth all the way through to death. Male fetuses are more likely to be miscarried than female fetuses, especially during stressful times. Men tend to have weaker immune systems than women, and males are more susceptible to all kinds of viral respiratory illnesses, including the common cold, influenza...
Nov 25, 2021•39 min
Video game addiction Google that term and you'll get 95 million results -- and the first one is for an addiction treatment center. But is video game addiction really "a thing?" More importantly -- what can parents do if they think their kid's gaming is out of control? Step one, says Chris Ferguson, a psychology professor and co-author of Moral Combat: Why the War on Video Video Games is Wrong, is to figure out if technology & gaming "is really the culprit." Often, video games aren't the caus...
Nov 18, 2021•49 min
Before he started The Tyler Merritt Project or created his viral video, Before You Call the Cops, Tyler Merritt was a confused, young black boy trying to make sense of all the expectations and stereotypes swirling around him. "I wish somebody had really sat down with me as a young person and simply said, 'Hey, Tyler, you're going to make a lot of mistakes. A lot of mistakes. And those mistakes are going to go on for a very long time. But listen young man: do not let those mistakes ruin you; do n...
Nov 11, 2021•47 min
Is wilderness therapy a good choice for troubled boys? For boys who are self-harming, self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, or in trouble with the law? Is wilderness therapy the solution for families who have tried everything and are desperate to help their sons? It can be, says Jane (name changed at her request, to protect her family's privacy) and Tami, two parents who made the decision to place their sons in wilderness therapy programs, and TJ, Tami's 21-year-old son who was enrolled in an o...
Nov 04, 2021•1 hr 7 min
