Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores? You’re not alone — and there is a way forward. In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried. We’ll help you understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and why both matter. You’ll hear real-world examples from our own lives and families, pl...
May 01, 2025•11 min
You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care . So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future. In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one of the most overlooked (but most powerful!) factors in boosting boys’ motivation: your mindset. This ...
Apr 24, 2025•10 min
It is possible to boost boys’ motivation. Doing so, though, starts with understanding why so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question their priorities, interests, and goals. That’s a good thing! AND, it can be incredibly frustrating for parents and teachers who can’t see the behind-the-scenes work, who only see a once-motivated boy pul...
Apr 17, 2025•12 min
The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago! Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent , Michael Gurian , Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblat t, Steve Biddulph , Richard V. Reeves , Ruth Whippman , and so, so many others. We’re talked about puberty , porn , school , ADHD , autism , entrepreneurism , motivation , sports , suicide , consent , respect , dating, and – again — so, so much more. Jen’s boys grew up in that tim...
Mar 13, 2025•33 min
Raising Awe-Seekers , the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity. Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience —it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distractions and negativity, how do we nurture awe in everyday life? Educator and author Deborah Farmer Kris joins Jen & Janet to discuss insights from h...
Mar 06, 2025•54 min
How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity? How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track? And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school? These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A. Takeaways: Boys often face developmental expectations that don’t align with their actual growth. Rough play can be a way fo...
Feb 27, 2025•49 min
Do boys need a rescue plan? The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest. Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the challenges facing boys & young men. But talking about boys’ challenges isn’t enough. We must act to improve outcomes. Author and couns...
Feb 20, 2025•48 min
How do we help boys along the path to manhood? That’s a question Paul Cumbo , a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement and advice to young men. The available evidence suggests that our boys and young men need support and guidance. Too many have withdrawn from modern li...
Feb 13, 2025•54 min
What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students? David Kirkland , founder & CEO of forwardED , believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating environments where Black boys thrive benefits every student. Photo by Borce Coded via Pexels “It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail ...
Feb 06, 2025•41 min
Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy. “I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay . Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great...
Jan 30, 2025•42 min
Do you know what the parent amplification effect is? Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit? “Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business school professor, dad of two boys, and author of Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself & Others . That’s the parent amplification effect. “An offhand compliment can inspire a lifelong passion...
Jan 23, 2025•39 min
What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future , it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills. Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages un...
Jan 16, 2025•55 min
Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development. Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent , couldn’t agree more. That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! — is not a frivolity. It’s not trivial or unimportant at all. In fact, it’s absolutely vital for health hum...
Jan 09, 2025•50 min
Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think. Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained , the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door. Why Parents Miss the First Signs Many parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they us...
Jan 02, 2025•42 min
Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024? Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels Your favorites include: 5. Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed Tyler for her series on boys and education . Now a high school student, Tyler suggests that “instead ...
Dec 26, 2024•40 min
Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today! So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024. Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Ki...
Dec 19, 2024•53 min
How often do we really listen to boys & young men? Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately abou t boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to spe...
Dec 12, 2024•54 min
We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol. More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known....
Dec 05, 2024•52 min
If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap." More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males. Societal and political gender gaps are widening in other countries as well. Mark Sutton, director of The Boys Initiative &...
Nov 28, 2024•50 min
How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019 , she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age. In this episode, Janet & Kat...
Nov 21, 2024•44 min
Do you know what the “man box” is? Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society. In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his perspective on how we can empower boys to live authentically, develop respectful relationships, and...
Nov 14, 2024•41 min
Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids . Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know) Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match...
Nov 07, 2024•49 min
Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways: Nobody has it all figured out. Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial. Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process. Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential. You ar...
Oct 31, 2024•41 min
Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner , author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency , published an article entitled “ Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences .” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. Takeaways: Boys need support, not disdain. Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful. Media often portrays boys negatively. Boys ar...
Oct 24, 2024•45 min
AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI. The public release of ChatGPT , a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use i...
Oct 17, 2024•45 min
Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools. That’s why David Kirkland , founder & CEO of forwardED , is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing the needs of our most vulnerable populations helps ALL. “It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. “it’s important for us to reframe that focus so we can understa...
Oct 10, 2024•40 min
Stop, drop, grow, and glow? That’s Holly Swenson’s advice to parents. Swenson, a RN-turned-writer and mom of 4 boys (currently ages 10, 13, 15, & 15) was approximately seven years into parenting when she realized that “when you are taking care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of everyone in her life.” She & Jen talk about her book , Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children. Takeaways: Self-awareness and self-...
Oct 03, 2024•45 min
Kids can thrive at any size , says Jill Castle , a pediatric dietician, parent, and author of Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness . Takeaways: Feeding kids in a healthy way can be challenging, but it’s important to raise children of all sizes to be physically healthy and emotionally well . Family culture plays a significant role in shaping children’s attitudes towards food and body size. Body neutrality focuses on ...
Sep 26, 2024•47 min
How can parents overcome their fears and worries so they can say YES to their boys’ interests and passions? That’s the question we discuss with Heather Sponholz, a “boy mom” who’s said yes to her teenage sons’ solo National Parks trips, MMA fighting, and ambitious Christmas lights project. Takeaways: Navigating the balance between freedom and safety for teenagers can be challenging for parents. Allowing teenagers to take solo trips can help them develop independence and learn important life skil...
Sep 19, 2024•49 min
SheKnows’ “Be a Man” project is an “exploration of what it means to be a man today,” says Erika Janes, a “boy mom” and SheKnows editor-in-chief. Importantly, the project includes teen boys and gives them an opportunity to share their thoughts about manhood and masculinity. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the boys’ responses reflect our still-evolving understanding of gender. Crying, for instance, is still seen as a term with strongly feminine connotations, “but almost every boy we talked to said that th...
Sep 12, 2024•43 min
