What is the goal of youth sports? It seems like an obvious question with an obvious answer. Isn’t the goal to provide kids with an opportunity to play sports? And to develop skills, teamwork, and camaraderie along the way? Historically, those were indeed the goals of youth sport. Many parents & kids still pursue those goals. But some parents & players have other goals: A scholarship. College admission. The youth sports industry also has a goal: To make money. Pay-to-Play Many of today’s ...
Sep 05, 2024•55 min
It’s back-to-school time! What does this time of year look like for you & your family? Does your son dread back-to-school? Do you? Or, do you welcome that start of a new school year? Rob Vaughn, a 5th grade teacher, is one of the (too) few male elementary school teachers in the United States. Masculinity in 5th grade When we asked Rob about his experiences in school when he was a boy, he told us, “I was a different kind of boy.” He says he wasn’t a “sporty jock,” but “quiet,” “introverted,” ...
Aug 29, 2024•43 min
The right hemisphere of your brain is your “wild creature mind,” says Steve Biddulph , the Australian author, psychologist, and family therapist known for his work on parenting and child development (including his seminal book Raising Boys ). It is richly connected to our body & memories, including memories that we no longer consciously recall. It communicates with us constantly via bodily sensations, sending us important messages. We can tap into that, and we can help our children tap into ...
Aug 22, 2024•37 min
Boys know that deep friendships are critical to mental health , says Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologists who’s been studying boys for 40 years. But as boys move through their teenage years, many of them — as many as 70-80% — find it difficult to connect with other boys. Why? “Boy culture,” says Dr. Way, author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future , noting that she uses that term to describe the stereotypical “boy” expectations which state that boys &...
Aug 15, 2024•55 min
Circumcision is a decision every boy parent must face – but what’s the truth behind the practice? Let’s break down the facts and dispel the myths. Culture & emotion influence circumcision rates Surgical removal of the foreskin of the penis is incredibly common in some cultures & very rare in others. In the United States, approximately. 58% of male newborns are circumcised. But rates vary greatly by region – in the Midwest, it’s 74%; on the West coast, it’s 30%. Globally, about 1 in 3 mal...
Aug 01, 2024•50 min
How do we best support neurodivergent boys? Approximately 12% of boys in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD . About 3% are on the autism spectrum . 18% of boys have dyslexia . An untold number are gifted – &, of course, many boys are 2e , or twice-exceptional, with more than one of these conditions. Dr. Matt Zakreski was one of those boys. “My backpack always looked like a bomb went off, I always forgot there were tests but could study 3 minutes before the test and get a 92,” sa...
Aug 01, 2024•56 min
To connect with boys, you must first listen , says Jonathon Reed, program manager for NextGenMen . Societal expectations of boys & men are gradually shifting. These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to listen to boys . Adults’ interpretation and understanding of situations and interactions doesn’t necessarily reflect boys’ complex experiences, and neither does our language or approach. “We’ve got to look to them as the leaders in this conversation,” Reed says. ...
Jul 25, 2024•47 min
Dr. Lisa Damour says that adults should consider the barriers boys face when it comes to emotional connection and expression. "Gender is such a huge force in how emotion is expressed, and perhaps even in how emotion is experienced," says Dr. Damour. "If a boy doesn’t feel that he has permission to let people know he’s hurting, it’s a good bet that he will discharge his unwanted emotions by acting out." To Connect with Teens, Learn About Their Emotions Dr. Damour served as an advisor on one of th...
Jul 18, 2024•45 min
Brendan Kwiatkowski knows that connecting with teenage boys requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to create a safe emotional space. Kwiatkowski, PhD, a renowned researcher specializing in boys’ emotions, experiences, and masculinities, says that teen boys “assume most people don’t want to hear about their negative emotions.” Helping Boys Express Their Emotions One of the key factors in a boy’s ability to express his emotions is his parents’ response to his distress. If a boy knows ...
Jul 11, 2024•50 min
Teacher Tom says “kids haven’t changed at all” over recent decades. “Kids still need freedom to play, to follow their own curiosity,to ask and answer questions,and to learn how to get along with other people,” he says. Nurturing Kids & Building Connections The first five years of a child’s life “should be about how to live with these complicated things called emotions,” Tom says. Children also need time and space to navigate emotions and social interactions. But “too often, we step in too so...
Jul 04, 2024•49 min
Women are America’s safety net. Women provide the vast majority of child and elder care and care for the disabled. Women do the bulk of home- and community-tending, and they create and reinforce the ties that bind us together. Most of that labor is unpaid — and the little that is paid is typically poorly compensated. This imbalance is clearly problematic for women, who are often exhausted and overworked. But it’s also a problem for boys, men, girls, and, well, everyone. If we don’t talk about th...
Jun 27, 2024•43 min
Like most moms, Jaimie Kelton has “so many thoughts & fears on raising a boy.” “I question myself constantly,” says Jamie, host of The Queer Family podcast and mom to two children, a 10-year-old daughter & a 6-year-old son. She knows that gender is a social construct — and also knows that gender stereotypes are extremely powerful and prevalent. When she was pregnant with her son, Jamie says, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to connect with him. In this episode, Jaimie shares her jou...
Jun 20, 2024•43 min
Child psychologist Emily Edlynn says a healthier approach to tech is good for the whole family. As she wrote in her Substack newsletter, the currently popular shame-blame-restrict approach to social media, screens, and gaming isn’t working particularly well. Emily sas: Parents’ hyper-focus on screen time, gaming, or phones can have more negative effects than the technologies on their own. Parents can become so fixated on maintaining the limits that the fixation itself causes a child’s or teen’s ...
Jun 13, 2024•44 min
Dr. Adam Price’s book, He’s Not Lazy , is one that parents of teenage boys frequently recommend to each other. There’s good reason for that: He’s Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself addresses parents’ fears and concerns about their “unmotivated,” “under-performing” teenage sons. Stop Worrying About Your Boys Fear is usually at the heart of parents’ concern about their sons’ apparent lack of motivation. We know how important persistence and effort are to success and happiness in l...
Jun 06, 2024•42 min
BoyMom Ruth Whippman has spent significant time reimagining boyhood. As a mom of 3 boys, she knows that raising boys today is a complex endeavor. As she writes in her book, BOYMOM: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity , “Boys in America (and worldwide) are going through something of a crisis – not only academically but they make up the majority of perpetrators AND also the majority of victims and they are more likely than girls to engage in serious antisocial behavior, along ...
May 30, 2024•45 min
In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: The end of an era (Jen’s last son finishes high school!) What Jen will NOT miss about having a kid a school How parenting is like labor & birth Transactional vs. relational communication Letting boys take control of aspects of their life Rebuilding trust Apologizing to your kids Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Emails & Phone Calls from Teachers — ON BOYS episode Why Boy Moms Need Mentors Too — ON BOYS episode Sponsor Spotligh...
May 23, 2024•52 min
If you think you don’t know anybody who takes opioids, have you asked? Those are the words of Julia Pinksy, an Oregon-based mom who lost her son to an opioid overdose. “It’s been 10 years since he passed,” she says,”which seems unbelievable.” In the years since, Julia has devoted herself to opioid overdose education and prevention. Today, she teaches others about opioids & Narcan. Opioid Addiction Can Affect Anyone Opioids don’t discriminate. Although some people may be more biologically or ...
May 16, 2024•45 min
Boys don’t do as well in school as girls. On the whole, they earn lower grades and more disciplinary referrals. You will typically find more boys in detention than at the top of the class. Are boys the problem? Is there something about masculinity, something about male biology that contributes to these disparate outcomes? Or, are schools the problem? Does the curriculum and environment somehow inhibit boys’ success? Yes. Boys mature more slowly than their female peers, so they’re generally not a...
May 09, 2024•47 min
Sextortion disproportionately affects boys. Between October 2021 & March 2023, the FBI & Homeland Security Investigation received more than 13,000 reports of online sextortion of minors. Most of the victims were boys. At least 20 boys have already died by suicide after experiencing sextortion . The FBI is so concerned about these trends that they reached out to ON BOYS podcast. Agents are working to shutdown sextorionists, but they know that parents play a key role in keeping boys safe t...
May 02, 2024•44 min
Protein, creatine, & performance enhancing drugs are common in boy world. In fact, most teen boys experiment with them at some point. Approximately 80% of teenage boys say they’ve used a protein supplement within the last 12 months, says Kyle Ganson, an assistant professor who researches boys and body image. “There’s a very broad list of performance enhancers, including dietary supplements and other substances that are perfectly legal and readily available to young people,” Kyle says. These ...
Apr 25, 2024•44 min
Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive. At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to add...
Apr 18, 2024•43 min
Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school , despite their intelligence & talents. In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “ problem kids .” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning dis...
Apr 11, 2024•45 min
Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world. “It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online. Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why: Marijuana harms young brains Today’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past. “It’s so important to learn about today’s m...
Apr 04, 2024•53 min
50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents. But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting. “It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce . “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really b...
Mar 28, 2024•48 min
Building boys’ resilience can help them thrive, says Marc Hauser. Even if they’ve experienced a lot of adversity. “Adversity experienced by children is not a rare event, but a relatively common event,” says Marc, author of Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience . Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may include abuse, violence, neglect, poverty, and loss of a caregiver, and these experiences can negatively affect kids’ development. But although research link...
Mar 21, 2024•52 min
Yes, it’s possible to raise a healthy gamer. Even in a world saturated with video games. Fighting about video games, however, isn’t helpful, says Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K), author of How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids. “Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. ...
Mar 14, 2024•53 min
How, exactly, does one “get curious” about their son without badgering him? That’s a big, important question, and that’s exactly what Jennifer wants to know: Lately, as he is resisting my normal questioning…I feel like I am now pushing him to evaluate his feelings, talk to me, or just engage…I have seen this cute, fun challenge of showing a person two pieces of paper. Each one has something different written in it. The recipient who is choosing the paper has no idea what is on the other side. At...
Mar 07, 2024•48 min
“Debt Free Mom” (aka Carly Hill) knows that family finances can be a fraught topic. Yet family finances affect every aspect of family life: A family’s stress level, as well as housing, education, and recreational choices. Family finances play into decisions such as rec sports or travel team? Private school or public school? And, of course, our attitude and money habits affects our children as well. Our boys learn a lot about money management — both good and bad! – from us. On Budgeting & Mon...
Feb 29, 2024•55 min
Many Dads want to “step up with their hearts” and “actively parent,” says Maggie Dent, Australian parenting author and host of The Good Enough Dad and Parental As Anything podcasts. “They want to know how to do it well,” she says, noting that most dads have little experience caring for (or interacting with!) children prior to becoming a parent. Moms, though, often unconsciously interfere with dads’ parenting efforts by criticizing fathers or insisting that dads follow their parenting directives....
Feb 22, 2024•46 min
Jaclyn Greenberg often feels like she’s living a divided life. When her daughter was born, there was music and laughter in the birthing room. When her disabled son was born, there was no music. No laughter. In fact, everyone swept out of the room soon after the baby’s birth, taking him with them. Jacyln hadn’t even had a chance to say hello. Raising a disabled son alongside two typically-developing children (her daughter and youngest son) presents unique challenges and opportunities. “I’ve learn...
Feb 15, 2024•41 min
