Celebrating 50 Episodes: Exploring Relationship Escalators, Jealousy, and Growth in Non-Monogamy

Hey , i'm Alicia , your non-monogamous relationship coach . Welcome to the podcast where my friends and I chat about our relationships , enthusiastic non-monogamy polyamory , swinging kink and our lives . You'll get a candid peek into what makes it worth it to live life outside the box .

start these shows . I listen to all of them and I forget how you start them .

Well , I'm going to say Yes . This is a very different episode of Nope , we're Not Monogamous . It is Part of the reason it's different . Well , one thing is , this is episode number 50 . So 50 episodes that we've done of Nope , we're Not Monogamous . And this is one of four episodes that I've recorded in person .

When it's virtual .

Yeah , okay , yeah , i have like a computer in front of me and a table and I can like fidget under the desk and I think COVID was kind to you . It was In that regard Thanks . And then the other thing is this is our first episode in person that we're recording on video .

There's a chance we won't use this . Oh my God , I love that .

We might throw it out . Yeah , oh , and this is Danny . Hello , danny the producer , danny the editor .

Yeah , it's been a while .

Danny , my boyfriend .

Oh , my God .

Yeah , You got like titles man , i do .

I got so many Titles and links , so many . Yeah , number 50 . That's awesome .

Uh-huh Yeah , And you've not only listened to every episode , but you've edited every single episode . I think I edited one Shit . I edited one Which one was it . I don't remember . It was a guy . Okay , that's all I've got it narrowed down to in my memory .

That narrows it down . I do a lot of women . Yeah , that's true , which is a good thing .

That's true .

Yeah , yeah , absolutely .

Um , I've edited one . It was not great .

It was wonderful , i'm sure .

It was fine . It was fine , um , okay , so 50 episodes and I want to .

Celebrate .

Yeah , who makes it to 50 episodes ? I want to celebrate . We can stop here . I think I like that . You made the clink sound .

Yeah , that's how you do it Usually . That's modern cheers .

Okay , I want to talk about my favorite episodes , your favorite episodes , the listeners' favorite episodes , because there's a couple that got significantly more downloads than the rest And not significantly more , but more Like . You can tell the difference .

I didn't prepare a list of favorite episodes . Can I borrow yours ? Yeah , okay , cool , that's fine .

You can just tell me what you think of the ones that are my favorites .

Oh , I love that I can do that .

Yeah , um , and that list is constantly changing and evolving , depending on you know the next episode and also how I'm feeling , or what's going on in my own life . Oh , of course .

And which ones were relevant for me .

And I think that's probably true of just about anybody listening Absolutely .

You're looking through life through your own lens . Yeah , how close-minded . No , how can ?

you . You can't help it . Yeah , um , i also want to talk about so . Last night I did a like a Q&A , a happy hour . It was Like Q&A coaching for everybody in my Facebook group . Nope , we're not monogamous , we're a group called Time Name Facebook group as the podcast , but it's like a private community where people can get support .

You guys should join If you haven't already . You should join If you have joined , join again .

If you've already joined join again . Do it again . Yeah . If you haven't joined , do it now . Yeah , do it the first time .

Yeah , it's worth it . They're good people .

Yeah .

Genuinely I I love , like I'm a part of like so many poly groups on like Facebook and social media in general , and the advice that people give in your group is so much more it's compassionate . You can tell it's people who listen to you .

It's so good . It's so good And not in like a um , what do they call that ? Where you hear ? hear your own work like an echo chamber ? Yeah , they're not just quoting you .

It sounds like they're actually using the tools that you give people And yeah , yeah , yeah , good job .

Yeah , i read with . Sometimes I'm like I don't even need to say anything . These people have given them great advice , absolutely Yeah , it's good .

Yeah , that's the good one .

And I think I want to start teaching classes that go on there for Patreon supporters , supporters of the podcast . I don't have it all worked out yet , though , so All in due time , yeah . You'll get there Exactly .

Like right now . I think that the with a once a month call . How does that work anyway ?

Um , good question . So I log on to Zoom and then all the Patreon people also log on to Zoom , and then we chat and we bullshit about whatever is happening for them , whatever questions they have , whatever quandaries they're experiencing struggles , challenges , jealousy .

But they get to talk to actually you .

They get to talk to actually me . And not just like it's not like listening to the podcast , right , We're like I can give you some like generalized advice , Um , but like I'll coach you through what's actually going on for you in your relationship or in your life and help you tap into the best , truest , most authentic version of yourself .

You're so good with words .

Thanks , you're welcome , okay , so , um , okay , let's start with the most listened to episodes . Yeah , absolutely So . The most downloaded episode and part of this is time It's the one that's been around the longest , so , of course , most of the most people have listened to it .

It does . it's the first episode You don't pick up Game of Thrones in the middle of the show .

Fair .

Yeah , although you could with this though because I feel like this isn't like , you don't need context . I don't think . No , you don't need context for this . No , no .

I repeat myself a lot .

Oh yeah .

I tell the same stories over and over . I'm pretty sure the regular listeners are , like all right , let me see them .

we've heard that This again . No , we love hearing the good stories .

Yeah , cool , we get it . You're jealous great . Can you hear the ice tinkling ?

I guarantee they can .

I'm into it , Okay . I'm super into it , Okay . The second most downloaded podcast episode was episode nine with my friend Kira , and she came on and talked all about decolonizing , polyamory and relationship anarchy and it was a great conversation and also like a really important topic that a lot of people wanted to hear about .

I do . I think it's a subject that people love to hear about , and I wanna say she had a second episode too . Not about that , but still it was . What did she talk about ?

She talked about being vetoed . Being vetoed ? yeah , being vetoed in a relationship .

Which is another big . That's such a huge topic .

Which really I mean the title was recovering from or moving through being vetoed , but really it was about overcoming heartbreak .

For sure . Yeah , I think that even , yeah , I think , even like a monogamous person could benefit from listening to that .

I mean monogamous people could benefit from listening to all of them .

Absolutely , but I feel like that maybe a monogamous person might think that they wouldn't benefit .

Yeah , true .

I kinda wanna know how many people are monogamous that listen to this .

A few .

Sound off in the comments .

I like that .

I honestly wanna know .

Yeah , I have talked to a few , but yeah , I would like to .

I would like to hear That's so statistic I'm interested in .

And I wonder if they're looking for relationship advice or looking to open their relationship or they just like we're like Alessia's cool . I wanna hear what she has to say . Yeah , what a cool lady . I wanna hear what she's talking about . What's next ? I don't we'll just go with the top two , top two .

Oh , The chef's kiss .

So good .

Open episode So good .

Yeah , I have quite a few episodes that , like we talk about jealousy a lot .

I wonder why Is that really an issue for polyamorous people ? I ask as a polyamorous person .

Is it an issue for you ?

Absolutely Yeah .

Me too .

Yeah , I think I handle it though .

Yeah . Yeah , you handle those things pretty well . I do too , But I wonder how much of that . I think both of us are kind of internal processors and stuff like that Like I'm going to go hide in my cave and process this .

Oh for sure , Like at times that you're jealous , i don't hear about it until later and you just you're like I'm good now , yeah , and it never affected me whatsoever .

Same , same . It's not like well , and also we don't live together , so it's not like there's this black rain cloud walking around .

Oh , that's , so true Right . Like we go and can like go process our feels .

Yeah , i think we've built our own mistakes And then later , when they're all gone , we're like . so when this happened , I was having a lot of feelings about it , but I'm good now . Yeah .

And I think we're both really good at like not backpedaling . Oh my god , you were feeling something uncomfortable .

I'm going to change everything .

I'm doing . I'm so sorry , yeah , no . I like freedom and autonomy .

Yeah , and yours too , that's . one of my favorite things is that you are really good at pushing , not pushing promoting my autonomy and freedom and sovereignty Ooh , good word Yeah .

Those things look really good on you . Thanks , yeah , it's part of the allure , so I don't want to squash them .

Aw , thank you .

Also . You just deserve that .

I mean , everyone does Yeah , yes , yeah .

You should make a podcast about that .

Great idea . Ok , yeah , my favorite episodes . Well , i told you one of them , and they're in no order , and it's not because they're in no order , and I just kind of went with the ones that stood out in my mind today when I was thinking about this Was the Wilder one on Jealousy , episode number eight .

What ? Which one was that ?

That was the one with Danny Walters .

I've heard a lot about that guy .

The editor . of Nope , we're Not Monogamous , ok .

That's my favorite too , but I'm just into myself . I'm so excited .

I just like hearing myself talk . No , you don't .

Oh my god , I know I get so nervous .

It's cute , thank you . I still . it's been almost two years And I still get nervous for every episode , but especially like this , when it's in person .

Yeah , this is weird .

It feels awkward .

I'm not sure if I should cut that out , but yeah , this feels weird .

Yeah , leave it in .

OK .

I like that . Then people will be like . That explains why you're talking funny .

Uh-huh .

And you're blushing . Yeah , episode eight Danny and I talk about .

Insecurity .

Digging into insecurities And also like our relationship and our other , each of our other relationships , yeah , yeah .

Yeah , I think I give like a small bio , like a little bit of like how I got in polyamory or something like that .

Yeah , it's been two years . I don't know Who you are , what you're doing , um what else . Another one , oh , oh , episode 13, . Evelyn Dacker .

Oh yeah , Everyone's listening to that .

Dr Dacker . Evelyn , it was about sexual safety and non-monogamy , i mean sexual safety period , right , but she is the creator of the Stars Talk and her website is MakeTimeForTheTalkcom , and the Stars Talk is a framework for talking about sex And like , let's talk about sex .

And I love that about you .

But I'm basically tone deaf . Yeah , it's wonderful , but it's a framework for talking about your sexual , for your status , for your testing , your boundaries , your desires , your sexual safety requirements , your turn-ons , your turn-offs , what you want to avoid , what you're intending for the interaction and the future .

I'll be honest , I actually forgot what the acronym stands for exactly , but I know that the discussion involves all of those things .

So the first , it's status like your STI status Okay . Your turn-ons and avoids .

Oh , these are all things you listed directly , okay .

Your relationship intentions , yeah , and your , oh shit . What's the second S for ?

This is great podcast material .

Wow , you know what ?

Watch us forget things .

Go listen to episode 13 , and you'll hear all about it .

Oh my God cannot stress enough how great it is , even though we're just talking about giving a star talk . even the star without the last S is fantastic . Go find what the last S is . That's the last S . Yeah , it is . It's so good because how many times I don't know ?

Yeah , like , obviously like STI . Is this a one night stand , sti ?

status is like that's an obvious one that a lot of people still don't talk about . But we know that we should . But , yeah , like , if you come out and just like say , hey , i'm looking for a one night stand , i mean I don't know why we withhold that information Actually , but , stars , it's a good reminder .

Wasn't there a book in the 90s Like was it the dating of the game ? I ? don't know It was about it was oh , you're probably too young for this . Oh gosh , it was a dating advice book about playing the game of like .

Sure and never tell them your intentions .

Yeah Yeah , that was like part of it , like don't put too much up front , like you basically had to like .

Books like that are why you are so successful now . It's why you have so much to do .

Yeah , we have some really shitty relationship advice behind us . Yeah , we really do . Another one was episode 21 with Jolie Hamilton .

Yes , I remember Jolie . What did you guys talk about ?

The first steps to ethical nonmonogamy . I mean , we talked about so much . We talked about jealousy , we talked about compersion , we talked about how to create a sense of safety in opening up or moving into nonmonogamy . It was like , yeah , she's brilliant and she's been on twice , but that was so fucking good .

I think people like They want to know the secret .

Yeah , what's the secret , danny ?

I think people want to know the secret to not being jealous , but I think the secret is actually just to be jealous and not let that run away . To accept it . To accept it , yeah .

This is an emotion I'm experiencing . Give it a hug . So lately I've been telling my clients and I think this might be the first time I'm saying it on the podcast that jealousy is not real , what , that's , how it was . It is , oh , it is . But the way that we talk about like as a society , the way we talk about jealousy

I've seen people do some weird shit out of jealousy .

Yeah , yeah , but those are like two super different . Not only are they experiencing a different manifestation of it in their body , they're having completely different reactions to it , they're taking different action . So , like , jealousy isn't a very good descriptor for what's happening .

No , it's very vague the way it's used now .

Gosh , you're smart , thanks . But like , if you got rid of that , if you got rid of the term jealousy , you would have to get a lot clearer about what you're experiencing , what you're worried about , what I mean , even when you add , like , the difference between jealousy and envy .

What is the difference ?

Ooh , good question . So envy A simple way to put this is envy is I want to be doing that as well . I also want that thing .

Oh , I feel that all the time .

Not that I don't want you to have it , no , it's the FOMO . Like I want that too , or I want to go there also , yeah Right , whereas jealousy is more . I want that and you have it , which means I can't . I want to do that , but you're doing it instead of me . I want to replace you in that or I'm killing .

Replace There's only one ball to play with . Yes , and you have it .

And you have it . It's much Jealousy . it comes from a much more scarcity mindset .

That's fair . I feel like you could feel envious of someone's experience with the ball .

Yeah , absolutely You can feel both things about the same thing . You can feel both at the same time .

So it isn't like situational necessarily . It might be more of a personal thing , uh-huh .

Yeah , kind of like you can experience jealousy and compersion at the same time . A lot of people say compersion is the opposite of jealousy . But it's not , it's another feeling . Yes , and you can experience .

I have definitely experienced both at the same time . Yes , i'm happy you're doing that . Wish I was doing it , but I'm very happy for you .

I'm happy that you're doing it . I wish you were doing it with me .

Yeah , Oh good .

Instead of her . Emotions are complex . Yeah Yeah , emotions are complex . And the way we deal with them , the way we process them , the way we push them down and pretend they aren't existing , that's all complex too . People are just complex .

Yeah weird . Yeah .

You're complex . Yeah , i am , and that's okay . It's okay to be complex , yeah .

What's another one of your favorites ?

Uh , another one of my favorites is episode . I wrote these down , you did . Episode 35 . Episode 35 is with Numa Nomara .

Oh my God , what a great episode .

She talks about or she and I talk about human connection and sex work And the humanity and the profession , professionalism of sex workers and all of the emotions and feels that go with that , plus like the social stigmas , i guess .

Yeah , which there are many .

So many It's wild .

It's weird When you really sit down to think about it . it's weird .

It's weird because there's this huge amount of desire , like fantasy , like fucking dude porn . My God , how many websites are there for porn , how many avenues are there to access porn and how many different kinds of porn are there . So there's like all of this desire and fantasy and things that people want , yes .

Yeah , porn statistics are so telling of our society . I think the internet has done a lot of bad stuff . I think a lot of great stuff it's done is really shown us what people are into . You told me that . what is it ? Threesome's are the second most searched thing .

Right now , I think it's number three .

Still top up . That's out of all the different porn genres . People are into that , but at the same time we live in a monogamous society . Most people think that that's something I can never have , that's a fantasy . And then you go and get it and you get names called Not by everyone , but there's a large group of people who are into .

I want an Eiffel Tower but I want it to happen organically , like where Like at a protest section . Right , or like I want to be depied but I want it to just happen . No , it doesn't just happen . You need prior , proper planning . You got to have a lot of conversations , you got to set things up right .

Yeah , and people wait so long for it to happen . Yeah , and it doesn't because , like you said , you have to actually go off and do it . Yeah , so you got all these people pent up with all these fantasies that can't go off and live .

Yeah .

So sad . Now I'm sad . This is a sad podcast .

Oh , sorry , i didn't mean to laugh at your sadness , it's okay . Really , you know that awkward , awkward emotional response , inappropriate emotional response to the situation .

I get it .

Okay , another one was , ooh , episode 41 , finding your inner Dom or dominant .

Who was that ?

That's Dominic and Shirley .

What a great name for someone who is so dominant .

Right , And she's a professional dominatrix . And also I'm not looking at her bio , but I'm gonna say she's like a business coach or she's a coach . She helps people find their That sounds right . Yeah , like figure out how they're going to move through the world , make money , live the life that they want and feel really empowered .

It was an episode for you .

Yeah .

That's awesome .

Yeah .

How did she pivot ? do you know What came first ? Was she teaching like business first ?

or was she ? No , she was a dominatrix first .

And I was like I could probably take this energy and move it elsewhere .

Yeah .

I can teach other women how to be . That's so badass .

Not necessarily Like too , i think . I think don't quote me on this but I think she was a dominatrix and then started training and teaching other women to be dominatrixes And then was like and also , i can help people embody their inner dom , even if it's not something they do sexually or in their relationships or as a profession . Yes , yeah .

Dominate your own life . Yeah , exactly , take a hold of it . That's awesome . Yeah , that's sexy .

Yeah , it was good . It was really good . I like that conversation . Um gosh , we've had so many good podcasts . Episode 45 with Leila Gowland , who's in New Orleans and is an author , and I fucking adore her . We talked about her embracing her , embracing her identity as not only a non-monogamous woman but as a queer woman and coming out publicly She does .

What has she written ? Do you remember ? All right , we'll cut this part out . Well , she right .

No , right now she is right now . She is writing a book And I don't know what the title of it is . I'm excited to see when it comes out , but she's in talks with publishers right now , but she's she's published in like HuffPost . Oh yeah , i want to say I don't know why Marie Claire is coming to mind .

Yeah , yeah .

Our magazine's still a . Thing .

Yes , and it blows my mind because I thought magazines were bathroom reading and now we all have phones .

When I was on the plane flying back here . No , when I was flying to San Jose to visit you . Yeah , the flight attendant got on the plane and he was like offering up his his , he had a magazine and he was like , does anybody want this magazine ? It was like a . Really . It looked like a nice , like fashion magazine .

I was like he had .

he had a magazine that he was giving away , Just giving one magazine . Yeah , like does anyone want this issue of this magazine

Okay , And that was it was , so they obviously do exist .

They still exist . That was that was the point , right . Like they still exist and people still read them .

Yeah .

And they carry them with them . It's like reading a newspaper . What was the other thing we were going to talk about ?

Does that conclude your list ? Yeah , that's my list . That's a damn good list . That's fine . I think we're going to talk about relationship escalators . I know I've been really on that lately .

That has been just been mulling that around The last time I rode an escalator was at the airport .

Same here .

We rode the same escalator at the airport .

Was it a relationship escalator ? Because we were on it , we were having a relationship On it On it on the escalator .

So now we're not qualified to have this conversation We weren't having relations on the escalator .

To find relations .

I mean , no , we weren't Okay , i had to think about that Sounds inappropriate , I mean it is Yeah , I don't The way I'm talking about it . Also , relationship escalators might be inappropriate . You think so .

I think they are .

They're inappropriate for me .

Yeah , i'm not a fan . I'm not a fan at all . Which I mean I guess I'm sure you probably talked about it before on the podcast .

Nope , we're not monogamous .

Yeah , that one That podcast .

You've heard it . Yeah , it was in regular .

So what is a relationship escalator , alicia ?

A relationship escalator .

What is it ?

It is the wow I don't think I've ever defined it like in my own words . Maybe I have A relationship escalator . Is the prescribed or like socially expected trajectory of a relationship Right ? Like you start dating , You realize , oh , this is someone I want to keep dating , emotions happen .

We all know Right .

And even , even for people who are like you know , i'm a little more progressive . I never want to get married . I don't want to make that kind of commitment Like , but I want to be with you forever and live together and live together and have kids together and have kids together and pair bills together .

Oh my God , yeah , right , you're very good at this . Thank you For your first time defining that .

Thank you . I feel like that would be a lot harder to do in writing .

But you don't have to write it . Oh , thank you . You're going to say it to a camera .

True Yeah .

I think , as soon as you said milestone , i think that that's really , that's the big thing , right ? Yeah , something that tells you that like progress , like I think , if we went around and we put a , microphone on people's faces on the street and we asked them like okay , tell me what the perfect relationship looks like .

Is this relationship going somewhere ?

You get buried in the same place , yeah , yeah , like as you hit all of these little milestones for sure , and I think that you and I have done a very good job of not doing that .

Yeah .

Which I don't think can we even define what we've done .

I remember , I don't remember what it was .

We got off the escalator .

We've definitely . Yeah , we did not get on the escalator .

Yes , we went from texting to messaging by messaging Messenger . Yeah , using messenger .

Yeah , yeah , it was like is this a relationship milestone ?

It is , and I guess , in that sense we eventually , because we're not like , obviously we're not exclusive , we're not monogamous .

We're not monogamous . Nope , but I thought we were monogamous . No , gosh .

Read the title , Listen to the intro . But no , I'm not exclusive . What am I thinking ? But like seeing it regular . we date regularly .

Yeah , we see each other regularly , but not .

Probably don't live together .

We don't live together .

We're not raising our kids together .

We don't even have like set date days .

No , we're very chaotic that way .

Yeah , yeah , we plan like one week at a time . I live my life one mile at a time . Yeah , but like on a Saturday or Thursday .

Our relationship is very Vin Diesel .

Oh my God , we have a Vin Diesel relationship .

We do . That's what it's called . It's not an escalator , it's a diesel .

It's all about family . It's all about Well , I mean chosen family .

Yeah , there you go .

Because Vin Diesel our Dom , dom Toretto .

Has anyone actually related to him in those videos ? Yeah , you just saw the most recent one .

I just saw the most recent one and I don't want to spoil it for anyone .

Okay , no spoilers . But before this one , was there anyone related to him ?

Yeah , he has his brother . I saw His brother was introduced . It's John Cena . I saw Tokyo .

I saw Tokyo . Tokyo Drip was the last one I saw .

John Cena is his brother . John Cena is his brother . He was introduced in . Oh my gosh .

Okay , so during the episode out , we're doing Fast and Furious now .

Oh my God , I totally could .

Fast 8th , john . okay , i love John Cena .

I could be wrong . I'm not good at like what episodes , what ?

Okay , I feel like 8 might have been . That's totally fine . Shaw , Hodgman Shaw . No , that was 7 .

I don't know . Oh my gosh , Somebody's going to email me and be like Alicia . you don't know , you're Fast and Furious . How could you name your kid ?

out on the news Sound off in the comments . I'm not as wrong as Alicia about Fast and Furious .

But yes , he has . There's a couple of His sister , mia . Oh no , mia is . Is that his biological sister , his biological ?

sister Doesn't matter , I suppose .

They're all family . I don't know . They're all his family . They're all his family . Yeah

What were we talking about ?

Escalator , escalator , the relationship escalator that we are not on .

No , we're not , And I love that And it is . There's something about it feels really silly whenever you witness it , where your friend tells you , ooh , i'm really enjoying this person , the thing we've got going on right now is perfect . I've never been happier in my whole life . You know what we should do ? Change it , change it , change it completely .

Yeah .

Like take some , take a breather , guys , take a breather , like just Yeah , i think so .

That's funny , like if you are someone like me who tends to be more anxiously attached . there there is this drive to make things more and more secure , right .

Oh .

Right , like if we do this then I'll feel more secure . I won't feel like if we get married , then I'll know you're never leaving me and you chose me .

Because marriage is never end , I mean 60% of marriages get divorced . Oh , never mind .

You know it's still so . It's like . You know . Let's move in together , because then I'll know I'll feel more secure , because then I'll know what you're doing 24 seven , except for when you go to work or go hang out with your friends .

When I'm sleeping .

Yeah , but there , yeah , there's . I think that's part of the escalator is this desire to feel secure and kind of looking for ways , looking for actions and things that you can do to feel more secure .

I'm happy to be a part of that .

Right , Yeah , But to go , okay , I'm feeling like . Okay . For example , like I think the first year we dated , we saw each other like maybe once a month , every three weeks , Yeah , So like it wasn't , you know it wasn't a lot , We talked almost daily .

Yes , probably daily . Yeah .

We chatted on it , like we texted and stuff , But there was still this like fear of like this could end at any time . But it was also this like reality of oh , this could end at any time , Like all of my relationships could .

Yes .

Right , like , oh , any of my relationships could end at any time . There's nothing that makes them maybe convenience , like it's really inconvenient to move out of living with someone . Oh for sure , you know there's challenges . There's , there's a lot of things that can keep , that keep people together even if they don't want to be So .

Yeah , i think it does . I'm sure that makes sense . Yeah , and then we started hanging out more . Yeah , we did , but we did it so slow .

Yeah , yeah . And it also leaves everyone else in your life , your other romantic partners , feeling more secure .

Yes .

And less threatened .

Gosh , you give really good advice . People should listen to you .

Oh , I should start a podcast .

You should Absolutely .

I think I'll call it nope , we're not monogamous . No , that's a great . I don't know . That's the message you want to send out there .

No , that's a fantastic message , but yeah , i think I think that's stressing about the possibility of your relationship ending feels a lot like living your life scared . You're going to die . You know , like what it , because it's like what if my relationship dies is what people are worried about . Right , like what if it ends .

It's like well , yeah , Inevitably .

Inevitably it will , like eventually one of you guys will die , like if you last , if you win the race or do whatever it is that people are talking about , but if it lasts your whole life , like no matter what , it is totally coming to an end and you're missing out on a lot by clinging on to making sure that it doesn't .

Making sure it doesn't change .

Like , if you like people who want to live forever by wrapping themselves in bubble wrap and living indoors and never communicating with anyone or doing anything exciting ever Like , that's like . Why are you even hanging on to that ? Oh my God , yeah .

Yeah .

Like I think that I think it translates perfectly to relationships , because I've totally seen relationships where one or both people are just obsessed with what the other one is doing .

Yeah .

Because they're worried that they're going to leave . Yeah , and it's like what ? why do you even want this relationship ? It's you monitoring someone ? That sucks .

Yeah , yeah , yeah . And also , why are you ? I mean , this goes back to what's that book called the game . I don't remember , but I've never read it , i'm sorry .

That's actually good advice . That was from that book .

No , that book was telling you how to convince someone that they should care about you .

Oh , got you . I thought it was in that book . I'm like that's great advice , Like what a good game .

No , it was like telling you how to convince someone to like fall in love with you .

Just let it happen . No , that should happen organically . Yeah , yes , triple stacks . If we're going to DP , if we're going to Eiffel Tower , if you're going to have , we can make anything up here .

Daisy Chain .

You're going to Daisy Chain , if we're going to Daytona , fire Hydrant , fire Hydrant .

Oh my God , I want to see that one That requires planning , but like , let your love happen organically . Yeah , what else ?

What else ?

What else do you say on a podcast that's had 50 episodes ?

You say woohoo , we got 50 episodes Woo .

I like your woo better Woo . Yeah , that's a good one .

Should we do just the tip , the segment , not , like you know , the game ?

Yeah , danny , for our Patreon subscribers .

What's the Patreon ?

Well , it's patreoncom slash notmonogamous . You can be a supporter of Nope We're Not Monogamous and tell us how much you care by offering up a little fundage and also get behind the scenes access to like behind the scenes content and classes and coaching calls and this segment called Just the Tip , where I ask you what is your favorite or best sex tip .

Saucy .

I know .

Let's get into that .

Yeah , i want to hear yours .

Okay .

And then I'll tell you mine .

Yeah , absolutely . Wow , what great sex tips we talked about .

You can listen to those at patreoncom slash notmonogamous .

What a great , such a simple thing to type . Anyone could do that . Yeah , anyone . Do you have a house to get the ? Just the Tip .

I don't know , oh my .

God , i don't either .

I think you can get it , oh yep , for as low as $3 a month $3 a month , i would have said five , that's awesome . I think it's oh shit , It might be five .

It's three or $5 a month You can count on one hand how many dollars it takes to get that awesome juicy sex tip , which there was two .

Again , it was actually really good and it was the first one that I've given .

Yeah , get Alicia's sex tip .

Yeah , there is a rooster involved . Yes , if you want to hear my sex tip with a rooster involved , go to patreoncom . Slash notmonogamous . Come on , get on board .

Yeah , i don't think I have anything to plug . I don't have any business .

If you need a great podcast editor , oh yeah , do that I suppose I got that going on , don't I ? Check out Danny , danny , the producer .

Yeah , I'm on Fiverr .

I'm on Fiverr . I know I'm on Fiverr . I know I'm on .

Fiverr , it was one podcast , one editing .

I think we're done . Thank you , yeah , thank you Everyone .

And keep listening .

Another 50 episodes And Merry Christmas to all . To all Great sex , great sex to all .

Yeah .

And merry relationships .

And merry relationships .

Yes , Peace to you , my friend , and also with you . Prayers , prayers , sorrows and prayers . Oh , you didn't watch that . This is Queen Charlotte .

No , I didn't watch that one .

God , that one's really good too .

We should probably shut this off . Fine Bye , bye , no-transcript .