So your mind gets polyamory—you’ve read the books, done the therapy, had the late-night conversations. But your body ? It’s still freaking out when your partner goes on a date. Welcome to the nervous system’s opinion on non-monogamy. In this deeply validating and often hilarious conversation, I’m joined by Dedeker Winston (co-host of the Multiamory podcast) and Orit Krug , a licensed dance/movement therapist, to talk about why your nervous system might not be as on board with polyamory as your p...
Jul 17, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 119
What actually happens at sex-positive events? Cuddle parties? Consent circles? Erotic service? 👀 In this episode of Nope! We're Not Monogamous , I sit down with Jamie Love , Executive Director of Sex Positive World , to talk about the radical, healing, and totally human side of building sex-positive community. We cover: How to start a sex-positive space or community near you What consent really looks like (hint: it’s not just “yes or no”) Erotic service, safer sex talks, and the power of devoti...
Jul 10, 2025•46 min•Ep. 118
Feeling like the “easy one” in your polycule? Always chill, never the squeaky wheel? This episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking for connection. We’re breaking down what it means to disappear inside non-monogamy, why boundaries aren’t selfish, and how to recognize when your emotional self-silencing isn’t maturity—it’s survival. 👉 Topics covered: What emotional self-abandonment looks like in Ethical Non Monogamy How "being chill" becomes a trap The difference between inclusion and bei...
Jul 03, 2025•28 min•Ep. 117
Are you having the same fight over and over in your non-monogamous relationship—and wondering why nothing ever changes? You’re not broken. You’re in a pattern. And until you understand what’s underneath that pattern, it’ll keep showing up again and again. In this episode, we’re diving into trauma loops —how they form, why they’re especially common in non-monogamous relationships, and how to start breaking the cycle for good. 💥 Whether you're navigating jealousy, communication breakdowns, or emo...
Jun 19, 2025•19 min•Ep. 116
You’re not broken. You just never learned how to say the hard thing without burning everything down. In this episode, I’m sharing how to actually talk about the uncomfortable stuff in non-monogamy—without losing your shit or starting a relationship wildfire. Whether you're afraid of hurting someone, scared to be misunderstood, or just tired of swallowing your truth, this is your starting point for braver, clearer communication. What you’ll learn: → How to understand your silence survival pattern...
Jun 12, 2025•18 min•Ep. 115
What happens when you go from 26 years in a sexless marriage… to a full-blown sexual awakening in your 50s? This week, I’m joined by Xanet Pailet — a former healthcare lawyer turned tantra teacher, somatic sex coach, and the author of Living an Orgasmic Life . We’re talking about: How she went from disconnected and dissociated… to having the best sex of her life in her 60s Why pleasure is your birthright (and what to do if that feels impossible right now) Why communication matters more than rule...
Jun 05, 2025•44 min•Ep. 114
Tired of misunderstandings, silent resentment, or agreements that leave you feeling unseen? In this episode, we unpack the real difference between collaboration and compromise—and how building intentional , values-based agreements in non-monogamy can transform your relationships. 💬 Because assuming = conflict waiting to happen. 💛 Collaboration = connection, clarity, and care. What You’ll Learn: ✔️ Why Assumptions Create Emotional Landmines And how to avoid them with clear, compassionate commun...
May 29, 2025•17 min•Ep. 113
Do you ever feel like you’re doing everything right in your open or polyamorous relationship—and yet still crumble inside the moment your partner connects with someone else? In this honest and unfiltered episode, I explore what real self-love looks like in non-monogamous relationships—especially when comparison, jealousy, and insecurity hit hard. 🎙️We talk about: Why affirmations fail when your body’s in panic mode How comparison is actually a survival response Patriarchal conditioning + why it...
May 22, 2025•20 min•Ep. 112
What happens when a long-term couple invites a third person into their relationship—and it doesn’t go as planned? In this raw and revealing episode, I sit down with six-time Emmy-nominated TV producer Jeff Hudson to talk about his memoir Deconstructing Us: My Trouble with a Throuple . Jeff shares what it was like to navigate the emotional rollercoaster of a throuple, how jealousy blindsided him, and why non-monogamy cracked him wide open—in the best and worst ways. We explore: Why three-person r...
May 15, 2025•56 min•Ep. 111
You know you’re enough—but the second your partner mentions her, the spiral starts. Sound familiar? In this honest, grounding episode, I break down the real costs of comparison in non-monogamous relationships—like the way it quietly erodes your presence, self-trust, and peace. You’ll hear: Why “knowing better” doesn’t stop the spiral How patriarchy conditions us to compete—even in open dynamics What comparison really steals from you And the exact reframe and tools that help you come back to your...
May 08, 2025•16 min•Ep. 110
Navigating non-monogamy can stir up some BIG emotions—especially jealousy. But what if jealousy wasn’t something to fight against... but a tool for deeper connection? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Emma Smith, licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, to talk about: ✨ How to create emotional safety plans when opening a relationship ✨ The difference between healthy boundaries and rigid rules ✨ Why jealousy isn’t the enemy—and how it can guide your growth ✨ Tips for crafti...
May 01, 2025•55 min•Ep. 109
Ever wondered if you can learn to feel compersion instead of jealousy? Or if talking about opening up your relationship means you're actually ready to do it? This episode dives deep into these questions and more! I'm joined by Ally Iseman, a certified relationship coach and founder of Passport to Pleasure. Ally brings her unique blend of humor, compassion, and practical tools to help couples navigate the complexities of non-monogamy. In this episode, we explore: Why "conversation is lubrication"...
Apr 24, 2025•44 min•Ep. 108
Struggling with comparison in your non-monogamous relationship? Whether it’s jealousy, insecurity, or spiraling thoughts when your partner mentions someone new—you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. In this episode, we explore why comparison shows up in polyamory and non-monogamy, how it impacts your nervous system, and what you can do to stop the spiral and build emotional safety. You’ll learn: Why comparison hits hard in non-monogamy (even when you “know better”) How internalized patriarchy ...
Apr 17, 2025•15 min•Ep. 107
If you’ve ever struggled with mismatched desires, defining commitment with a partner, or navigating the messier side of non-monogamy — this episode is for you. In this candid conversation, I talk with Dr. Tammy Nelson, sexologist, therapist, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy. With 35+ years of experience working with couples in both monogamous and open relationships, Tammy brings a nuanced lens to everything from sexual boredom and emotional disconnection to jealousy, relationship fatigu...
Apr 10, 2025•52 min•Ep. 106
When I was invited to interview someone from Ashley Madison , I hesitated. My first instinct was judgment — but then I realized, that’s the same kind of stigma people apply to non-monogamy all the time. This powerful conversation with Paul Keable , Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, dives deep into the complex, often misunderstood world of infidelity , emotional disconnection , and unmet needs in long-term relationships. 🔍 This episode is NOT about promoting cheating — it’s about underst...
Apr 03, 2025•53 min•Ep. 105
Struggling to feel deeply connected in your non-monogamous relationships? Whether you're navigating polyamory, open relationships, or casual connections, meaningful intimacy doesn’t have to take hours of deep conversations or elaborate date nights. In fact, it can start with just five minutes a day . In this episode, I’m sharing five powerful yet simple practices from my Beyond Monogamy 4CNM Method that can help you build stronger, more intimate connections — no matter how complex your relations...
Mar 27, 2025•37 min•Ep. 104
The dinner party where your partner's other partner shows up. The wedding where you're trying to explain your relationship structure to curious relatives. The community gathering where you're juggling attention between multiple partners. Social events in non-monogamous relationships present unique challenges that most relationship advice completely ignores. In this raw and practical episode, I sit down with Danny to unpack exactly how to navigate these complex situations with confidence. Drawing...
Mar 20, 2025•54 min•Ep. 103
Have you ever felt like you're living someone else's version of a "good" relationship? That moment when you realize you've been checking boxes you never actually chose for yourself? I've been there, and it's time we talk about moving from relationship "shoulds" to relationship "coulds." In this episode, I'm sharing my journey from living a picture-perfect life on the outside while hiding a painful reality behind closed doors. Together, we'll explore how to break free from inherited relationship ...
Mar 13, 2025•43 min•Ep. 102
Are you trying to navigate ethical non-monogamy through trial and error? In this episode I reveal why the DIY approach to non-monogamy often leads to unexpected emotional and relationship costs. Episode Highlights: • Understanding the hidden costs of unsupported non-monogamy • Real stories from couples navigating ethical non-monogamy • Practical solutions for common non-monogamous relationship challenges • Expert strategies for building successful non-monogamous relationships The Real Price of D...
Mar 06, 2025•21 min•Ep. 101
🎉100 episodes! Can you believe it? Three years ago, I was terrified to be on video, worried about getting it all "right." Now, this podcast has become a thriving space for deep, unfiltered conversations about non-monogamy—and it’s all thanks to you! 💜 To celebrate this milestone, I’m joined by Aly Moon, a polyamory community leader with 15+ years of non-monogamous experience and 7 years of hosting events in the Pacific Northwest. Aly is all about creating intentional, inclusive spaces where po...
Feb 27, 2025•52 min•Ep. 100
Feeling lost in non-monogamy? Struggling with unclear boundaries? Without clarity, your relationships can feel uncertain and chaotic. In this episode, I break down why clarity is EVERYTHING when it comes to thriving in open relationships. 📌 In This Episode, You’ll Learn: ✅ How to define your North Star for relationship clarity ✅ The importance of non-negotiables & why they shape your boundaries ✅ How to break free from harmful relationship patterns ✅ Why shared goals are essential for relat...
Feb 20, 2025•14 min•Ep. 99
Are you navigating the emotional landscape of non-monogamy? In this episode, I chat with Lola Phoenix, author of "The Anxious Person's Guide to Non-Monogamy", "The Non-monogamy Journal", and host of the "Non-Monogamy Help" podcast. We chat about the complexities of open relationships and how to build a toolkit for managing the intense emotions that often arise. Key Insights: The importance of having a personal "anchor" in non-monogamous relationships Creating a self-care emergency protocol for c...
Feb 13, 2025•49 min•Ep. 98
Have you ever tried to brush off jealousy, hoping it would simply fade away? In this eye-opening episode, I uncover the hidden costs of ignoring this powerful emotion in non-monogamous relationships. Uncover the truth about jealousy: Why avoiding jealousy actually intensifies its impact How unaddressed jealousy erodes trust and emotional safety Practical steps to prevent jealousy from damaging your connections We'll uncover the subtle ways jealousy can take root, even when you think you're "hand...
Feb 06, 2025•19 min•Ep. 97
Are you tired of swiping endlessly on dating apps, feeling like you're getting nowhere? In this episode, I sit down with Julie and Yue, the dynamic duo behind the Dateable podcast and authors of "How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love." These dating experts are here to shake up your approach to modern romance, whether you're monogamous, non-monogamous, or somewhere in between. We dive deep into why non-monogamous dating often leads to better sex, the i...
Jan 30, 2025•55 min•Ep. 96
Have you ever found yourself caught in the grip of jealousy, promising that next time will be different, only to find those familiar feelings resurface? If you've been trying to tackle jealousy on your own without success, you're not alone. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on why DIY approaches to managing jealousy often fall short, and why deeper work is crucial for lasting change. I'll explore the hidden complexities of jealousy, moving beyond surface-level solutions to uncover th...
Jan 23, 2025•11 min•Ep. 95
Are you ready to challenge everything you thought you knew about relationships? In this eye-opening episode, I sit down with Annie Undone, a writer, artist, and relationship anarchist who's been through it all - from monogamy to swinging, polyamory, and now relationship anarchy. Together, we unpack the raw truth about opening up relationships and why it might just lead to the end of your current partnership... but that's not necessarily a bad thing. The Uncomfortable Truth About Opening Up Why m...
Jan 16, 2025•49 min•Ep. 94
Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your most powerful allies? In this episode, I'm sharing a perspective that completely changed my approach to jealousy....
Jan 09, 2025•37 min•Ep. 93
Are you tired of jealousy hijacking your relationships? Imagine stepping into 2025 with the power to transform those uncomfortable feelings into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. In this episode, I'm sharing three powerful tools to help you navigate jealousy in non-monogamous relationships with confidence and grace. What You'll Discover: How to identify jealousy in your body before it spirals in your mind The art of uncovering hidden triggers that fuel jealous thoughts A game-chang...
Jan 02, 2025•15 min•Ep. 92
Are you grappling with jealousy in your non-monogamous relationships? Curious about the differences between solo polyamory and relationship anarchy? In this eye-opening episode, I'm joined by the legendary Kathy Labriola, a counselor, nurse, and author with decades of experience guiding polyamorous and non-monogamous folks. Mastering Jealousy Understanding why jealousy arises and how it differs from envy or coveting Practical strategies for addressing the root causes of jealousy Solo Polyamory v...
Dec 26, 2024•55 min•Ep. 91
How do you turn someone down romantically without creating awkwardness or burning bridges? In this episode, my partner, Danny, and I tackle one of the trickiest aspects of non-monogamous relationships: rejection. Inspired by a question from one of our Patreon supporters, we explore how to say "no" in a way that’s respectful, kind, and true to your own boundaries. Key Topics We Cover: Why Over-Explaining Hurts More Than It Helps: Learn how to set boundaries without feeling the need to justify you...
Dec 12, 2024•29 min•Ep. 90
