Welcome to Noble Blood, a production of I Heart Radio and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Minky listener. Discretion is advised. Vincenzo Gonzaga had a problem. He was forty seven years old, the Duke of Mantua and Montferrato, with a beloved wife and five surviving children, and still Vincenzo Gonzaga had a problem, the type of problem that a man of a certain age didn't really like to talk about. It's a problem that's fairly common today and was fairly common then, and
that men of Vincenzo's age tolerated all the time. But Vincenzo wasn't content to tolerate his problem. He was going to do something about his erectile dysfunction. It's at this point that I'm going to let you know that this episode is maybe a little bit more PG. Thirteen than some of my other episodes. It's primarily about procreation and the importance of being able to consummate a marriage in
the sixteenth century. And so even though I'm not really discussing things in a sexualized context, there will be by definition, sexual content. So discretion is advised for our younger or
more sensitive listeners anyway. Vincenzo Gonzaga, Renaissance Duke of Italy, was suffering from a reptile dysfunction, but rather than just accept that maybe his lothario days were behind him, he decided to fund an incredibly expensive and highly secretive voyage in sixteen o eight where he was going to send a fairly anonymous apothecary named Evangelista Marco Bruno to travel via ship to the New World so that he could hunt for a mysterious worm or cusano that was rumored
to help cure a number of sexual ailments. On the Duke's orders, Marco Bruno traveled from Mantua to Genoa, and then through Spain, through Barcelona, Madrid, and Seville until he finally made his way onto a galleon ship. From there, he continued his journey on foot and then be a mule and llama through South America trying to find a mythical worm. The entire journey took two years, but we
don't know if he was actually successful or not. Within a few years of Marco Bruno's voyage, Vincenzo Gonzaga would be dead. Why would a man go through so much trouble, sending an envoy literally across the world just to deal with a well little issue. Vincenzo gonzaga story is a story about masculinity and the type of masculinity that existed in the fifteen and sixteen hundreds. Sexual proficiency wasn't just a matter of pride, it was a matter of dynastic importance.
During his young life, Vincenzo's sexual abilities would become the center of a national scandal that required fifteen doctors, a college of Catholic cardinals, and ultimately the Pope to weigh in. So what did a man have to do and Renaissance Italy to be considered a man? For Vincenzo Gonzaga, hunting down mysterious worms from across the world was just one thing on the list. I'm Danis Schwartz, and this is
noble blood. Vincenzo's father, the Duke Guilliemo of Mantua, was a short and miserable man, disfigured by illness and childhood, with a hunchback as his foremost feature. Some historians diagnose him posthumously as having tuberculosis of the bone, but the actual illness is less important than the way it affected his attitude generously, you could call him stern more accurately cruel. He and his young son, Vincenzo, never seemed to get along.
Vincenzo held several feelings about his father at once. He hated his father, hated the way that he walked slowly, hated his hunchback, hated that his father made him worry that one day he too would be old and feeble. But Vincenzo also craved his father's love and validation more than he ever could have admitted. Vincenzo had a fairly
standard childhood. Born in fifteen sixty two, he was athletic and handsome in contrast to his father, and from a young age he was drawn to the hedonistic pleasures of art and music. He spent hours outside his family estate playing the new sport bala or soccer, and swimming, even
though everyone around him discouraged it. Swimming was a risky proposition for Vincenzo, first because Vincenzo had an uncle who died at seventeen of pneumonia after falling into a cold lake while hunting, but also because in the sixteenth century, the pre eminent science of the day was that spending too much time in water would disrupt your humors, still swimming or not. As a young man, it seemed like Vincenzo might have escaped the ill health of his father.
The only minor ailment Vincenzo dealt with as a preteen was an uh warning here for sensitive listeners, anal fistula on his undercarriage, which required draining and cauterization. I wouldn't mention it if it wasn't going to be important later, as was the correct way to handle things back then. The wound was left partially open so that fluids could
continue to seep out. I can't imagine that it was comfortable for Vincenzo when it came to riding a horse or sitting, but there were no serious complications, and no one would give any thought to the annal fistula until much later. There's one event in the early life of Vincenzo Gonzaga that stands out for just how extreme it is. While Vincenzo was a golden boy when it came to athletics,
he was merely bright when it came to academics. He almost wished his father, Gugliamo would beraate him for failing to pay attention in lessons. Instead, all his father did was fawn over a visiting scholar in Mantua named James Crichton. James Crichton was a brilliant twenty one year old polly math, supposedly fluent in a dozen languages, both conversationally and poetically. He was a genius, and he was young, and the
Duke treated him like a son. Vincenzo hated him. One evening, while out for a stroll, Crechton was attacked by a gang of marauders in masks. Though Crechton tried to defend himself with his sword, the thieves outnumbered him and beat him until he was dizzied and disoriented on the street. Then, with a patch of moonlight to illuminate him, the leader of the gang removed his mask. It was Vincenzo Gonzaga,
the Prince of Mantua himself. Seeing the son of his master, Creton fell to his knees, as was custom, and offered Vincenzo the hilt of his sword. Vincenzo accepted it and then ran the sword through Crechton's stomach, killing him. Vincenzo murdered the Scottish genius aged one out of crazed jealousy and the impending threat of being replaced. It's rarely more than a footnote now in the story of Vincenzo Gonzaga's life, but James Creighton wouldn't be the last casualty of gonzaga story.
When Vincenzo was nineteen years old, he was set to make an incredibly important marriage with the daughter of the Duke of Parma, a young girl named Margharita for Nacey. The Pharnaces and the Gonzagas were long feuding at war for about thirty years for increasingly petty reasons on both sides, but now the duchies of Mantua and Parma realized how valuable it would be to link dynastically in order to present a united front against Tuscany, which was growing in power.
Margharita was the only child and only daughter of the Duke of Parma, so she was an incredibly valuable strategic pond. So she was going to get married when they needed her to be married, even though at the time of the match with Vincenzo, she was just thirteen years old and hadn't begun menstruating yet. Still, the bride was brought to Mantua with a dowry of three hundred thousand ducats, and on March second two, Vincenzo Gonzaga married Margarita Farnese,
who was by then fourteen. The marriage wasn't consummated the first night, or the night after that, or the night after that. Vincenzo said he was trying, but the marriage was still unconsummated, and that was going to be a considerable problem. Because an unconsummated marriage can't seal a dynastic alliance, the marriage isn't considered valid, and so the Duke of
Mantua called in doctors to examine the newlyweds. Marcello di nat, the Gonzaga court physician, studied Vincenzo's member, erect and flaccid. The doctor's conclusion was that it worked just fine, even though it was for Renaissance Italy considered unfashionably big. For Marguerita, though, the doctor's verdict was that she had a quote fleshy
excrescence blocking her vaginal canal. Another expert was needed, this time the famed anatomy professor from the University of Padua, Giorlomo Faverorici, di Aquapendente, who examined the teenage girl and said that quote that membrane called himen, which all virgins have, in this one is inordinately fleshy, and besides, her nature
is small because of her young age. I want to take a brief aside in uh Dana's sex at the corner, away from the main story, just to say that sixteenth century medical terminology and understanding of virginity was uh completely wrong. Virginity is a social construct. Not all virgins have hymen. It can break at any point in your young adulthood. Nothing about your body is weird, and if you're a young woman listening to this, you were absolutely perfect just
the way you are. I just wanted to say that because there is a lot of old doctors examining a very young woman in this story, and a lot of sixteenth century language and philosophy being applied to that examination. And so back to Margharita. The doctor's recommendation was that they make a custom set of cones that would increase in girth, which would be inserted in a sending order until Margharita was dilated enough to lose her virginity to
her husband. Margherita, a fourteen year old girl in a foreign court who had had a cavalcade of strangers looking between her naked legs, was understandably not thrilled by this plan of action. They stopped that con insertion plan when Marguerita began screaming as the first one was pressed into her. Clearly a higher power was needed to deal with the situation. Not only was the future of the Mantua Parma alliance
at stake, but so was the significant dowry. So the Pope stepped in and dispatched the Milanaise archbishop and future saint, Cardinal Carlo Borromeo. Because Cardinal Carlo was respected by both families fairly equally, and he didn't have any inherent biases,
unlike plenty of the other cardinals. One of the cardinals was Margherita's great uncle, so Cardinal Carlo Bormeo dutifully traveled to Mantua, where he sat and listened to the testimony from a series of doctors, surgeons, ladies in waiting, and a nun. Fifteen experts had been called in from across Italy to study the genitalia of both Vincenzo and Margharita. Four certified virgins of around Margharita's age were brought in so that their hymens could be observed in comparison to hers.
Those poor girls were all promised dowries in return. The gossip was rampant, spread on both sides by the Gonzagas and the Parnaces, because neither family wanted the lack of consummation to be their fault. As is so often the case with rampant gossip, most of it was largely contradictory. Apparently, Vincenzo was actually engaging in a homosexual relationship and also having an affair with the Contessa Sala, and he was also impotent. Both families also had their own cardinals advocating
on their behalf. Gonzaga allied cardinals said that Vincenzo was actually too viril for young Margharita and that he was off busy successfully consummating one night stands with sex workers right and left. Margharita's great uncle Cardinal loudly proclaimed to anyone who would listen that Vincenzo's weird giant penis definitely didn't work, he probably had syphilis. And also remember that
anal fistula that was probably making his penis not work. Now, finally, three years after the wedding, Cardinal Carlo made his decision. The divorce would be granted on the grounds of non consummation because of Margarita's quote unbreachable gait. Because the Gonzagas weren't to blame, they were allowed to keep one hundred thousand ducats of Margharita's dowry. You'd think that the Gonzaga would be at least happy with that, but they were
still in an incredibly vulnerable position. Vincenzo was their heir, and now he was yet again unmarried with no heirs of his own. It was essential that they find him another bride, ideally one that could ally them with an important duchy now that the alliance with Parma had gone up and smoke. And then the perfect candidate presented herself, Eleanora de Medici, the sixteen year old daughter of the
Grand Duke of Tuscany, Francesco de Medici. Vincenzo would make a good marriage for their daughter, but the Medici's wanted to avoid the possibility of becoming embroiled in one of those Italy wide does his penis work scandals, and so Grand Duke Francesco de Medici agreed that Vincenzo could marry Eleanora on the condition that Vincenzo proved that he could deflower a virgin first. It would be a public trial by erection. The whole thing was actually the idea of
the Grand Duke's wife, Bianca. Bianca was the Grand Duke's second wife, and she had been his mistress before that, and so before she became the Grand Duchess of Tuscany, she dealt with her fair share of gossip and cruel words, a lot of them coming from the Gonzagas, who said that she was a courtesan who made a terrible match for the Grand Duke, an incredibly public and humiliating hoop for the Prince of Mantua to jump through perfect revenge
for Bianca. A special convocation of the College of Cardinals was called to determine whether the Medici plan was going to be allowed. All of the Gonzaga allies tried to protect Vincenzo. It's unnecessary, they said, Plus it undermined the authority of the Pope, because didn't the Pope already rule that the earlier consummation problem hadn't been Vincenzo's fault. Yeah, chimed in Cardinal Alessandro Farness, Margharita's great uncle, remember him.
He also didn't want Vincenzo to do this little public virility test, because if Vincenzo succeeded now, it would prove once and for all that his earlier marriage problem had been Margharita's fault. Besides, he continued, where are we even going to get a virgin for this demonstration? A convent or an orphanage. Is the church going to be in the business of prostituting an innocent virgin? Turns out the
answer was yes. The College voted to allow the test to take place under conditions rigorous and organized as an Olympic event. The trial would occur in Ferrara, where there were no major Gonzaga or Medici biases, and the virgin would be examined beforehand and kept isolated in the Castello Belfiori until the deed was done to prevent contamination on her part. Cessi Adeste, the nephew of the Duke of Ferrara,
would supervise in person. Vincenzo agreed to all of this on the condition that the virgin they found be from a reasonably good family and that she would have a pretty face. Ultimately, the girl was found the oldest daughter of a deceased but well known architect and his widow. The widow offered her daughter up on the condition that when all of this was over, the daughter would be
given a suitable dowry and marriage. Vincenzo arrived in Ferrara riding in on horseback, but before the test took place, he left back home with no explanation or apologies. He continued to delay the test, canceling plans like he was texting with an awkward acquaintance he didn't want to get coffee with. The medici were losing patients, and another duke, the Duke of Savoy, offered to marry Eleanora if Vincenzo
didn't want to. Vincenzo hemmed and hod, but finally said he would do the test if he was given three nights. The Medici's refused, but they did compromise. Vincenzo would be given just one night, but he had three chances. By this point, the widow's daughter was released from the castle where she was being held or should I say, preserved, and the Ferrara royal family was just entirely over this
whole thing. So the test was transferred to Venice, and this time Francesco to Medici would find the virgin himself. Ultimately he found one, the illegitimate daughter of a decent family who was living in an orphanage, a girl named Julia. It took Vincenzo two tries, but ultimately he did the deed. Vincenzo married Eleanora, and in the end all those tests really made no difference, considering fairly quickly. The pair went
on to have six children, five of whom survived. And as for all those rumors of his impotence, when Vincenzo ultimately did become the Duke of Mantua after his father's death, he got a reputation as quite the libertine, with a number of affairs and a few illegitimate children. Vincenzo's reputation as a duke would be that his hedonism drained the duchy financially, but he also turned Mantua into a thriving cultural center, inviting composers, painters, and poets to his court.
Vincenzo provided health care and food to the poor on the whole, not a terrible duke, even though he did struggle with what is seen as the ultimate masculine accomplishment, military conquest. Still, in the end, good duke or bad duke, children or no children in Mantua would fall plundered thanks to the twin pillars of disease and invasion, dissolving into the bigger kingdoms of Italy twenty five years after Vincenzo's death.
By Vincenzo's thirties and forties, the impending shadows of his late father's illnesses would begin to catch up with him, and Vincenzo would summon the biggest names in Italian medicine to treat his ailments, which ranged from what we now call Saint Anthony's fire to yes the erectile dysfunction that ultimately led Vincenzo to sponsor the Apothecary's trip around the world.
Vincenzo died just a short while after his wife Eleanora, and they say that he was buried in a secret crypt in the Church of Saint Andrea, but to this day the crypt has never been found, the area has been explored and the walls perforated in search of the hidden chamber, but still nothing. Vincenzo didn't want the solemn, serious burial that would have been common at the time
to show off one's piety. Instead, he requested that he be buried upright, dressed magnificently and sitting in a specially made marble chair inside his upright coffin. And he requested in his hand, what the Freudians among you might take to be a little bit on the nose when it comes to phallic symbolism, A giant jewel encrusted sword held aloft. That's the story of Vincenzo Gonzaga's sexual trial. But keep listening after a brief sponsor break, to hear a little
bit more about what happened to Margarita. After his first failed marriage. Vincenzo Gonzaga went on to live a long life with another wife and plenty of kids. The same wasn't true for Margharita. Being a woman unable to consummate marriage in sixteenth century Italy meant Margherita was deposited by her powerful family into a nunnery, where she remained in isolation for the next six decades of her life, until she ultimately died at age seventy five. But even within
the walls of the convent, Margherita had a life. There was a musician rumored to be a secret lover, who visited her until her family increased security. When Marguerita got older, she was elected abbess of the convent several times in a row. She had thoughts and dreams and plans, but because of the disaster with Vincenzo Gonzaga when she was fourteen years old, her entire life was one of pious confinement.
She's a side note in the story now, another casualty of Vincenzo's life, one of the characters from history who are so often forgotten, who if circumstances had been a little different, might have been so much more. Noble Blood is a production of I Heart Radio and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Minky. The show was written and hosted by Dani Schwartz. Executive producers include Aaron Manky, Alex Williams, and Matt Frederick. The show is produced by rema Ill
Kali and Trevor Young. Noble Blood is on social media at Noble Blood Tales, and you can learn more about the show over at Noble Blood tales dot com. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.