Little Fish: I am Dorkus, Queen of the Dorks

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Rated R. Bettering your business? Takes working with the best. With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. 自動でお風呂を沸かします Hey everyone. Little fish, this is the episode where we put down our facts and we go through the podcast at QI.com inbox and we pick out the best facts that you have sent in for us to read out. So

My name is Dan Schreiber. I'm sitting here with Andrew Hunter Murray and James Harkin. We have now got your best facts from the last seven days. Let's go. Andy, do you want to start? Yes. This is a good one. It's from Kev Osman, and it's that. The Chancellor of the Exchequer between sixteen oh six and sixteen fourteen was Julius Caesar.

Um okay. Just a guy named Julius Caesar. Oh was it? I think Kev was going through a list of Chancellors of the Exchequer from history. Wow. And thought this is a typo. Okay, yeah. Is it his full name or was he called Julius Caesar Johnson or something? He had another name which he w is sometimes referred to as in the records, but it's not very clear. It was either Julius Caesar sometimes or something else Caesar on other occasions. But anyway, basically he he was

He was a very interesting guy. He was born in Tottenham and he he became very kind of eminent. He had three wives, the first of whom was called Dorcas. Which is just a name I love. Wow. Such a good name, Dorcas. Oh, I can't believe I'm not funning to have any more children. I know, it's it's I think it's absolutely ripe for a comeback. Like all the easy old fashioned names have been absolutely strip line, you know? They always do. But I I honestly

Oh I might have to go back and speak to my wife today'cause I think this is almost a reason for having a second child. Oh, I thought you were gonna say change your current child's name. She's still young, she won't know, she'll adjust. Yeah, she doesn't really know what her real name is'cause we all call her by a nickname. Exactly. Just tell just tell her your real name's Dorcas. Yeah. Um but

Francis Bacon was his third wife's uncle, this guy, Julius Caesar. His third wife's uncle. Okay. Yep. Okay. Probably then it Guys I've done a lot of homework about Julius Caesar and you're gonna have to hear it now. I'm I'm sorry. No no please, yeah. Um we should say for overseas listeners, the Chancellor of the Exchequer is a big deal in British politics. Yes, and Julius Caesar was a big deal in America it'd be like the equivalent of the

Secretary of State for the Treasury or something. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Um and the one other fact I found out was that Julius Caesar's son was also called Julius Caesar. and died by being stabbed to death. You're kidding. Nope. Wow. He had been fencing. Yeah. And he'd been slightly wounded during a fencing match. Yeah. Gosh. He wanted revenge on the his opponent. Right. Lay in wait with a pistol.

When the opponent came into view, Julius Caesar Junior fired, missed, and was then run through with a sword and killed. So I mean he has to shoulder some of the blame there. Absolutely. I think he's even more culpable for his Julius Caesaring than Julius Caesar was. What what month did he die? I don't know if it was in March, mid March. I don't know. Amazing. Yeah, there you go. Great, fine.

Yes, thank you, Kev. Terrific fact. Yes. One of my favorite Julius Caesar facts is the actual real j more famous Julius Caesar. He had like two or three sisters and they were all called Julia. Julius Caesar. But that's just the way it worked in those days. Like you would have like Julia minor, Julia Major, Julia something else. It was kind of the family name, wasn't it? Yeah. Right. Then you you had Oh, like George Foreman calling all his kids.

Like sons were called Big George, Little George, Cardboard Box George. Like

Okay, this fact is from Michael Luna. And Michael says, I'm from Edinburgh, Texas. I assume it's not a typo, and there's a place called Edinburgh without the eight. In Texas. Oh Edinburgh. Edinburgh, yeah. That's great. Uh it's in the southern tip of Texas, just north of the border with Mexico. And Michael says that an hour east of me is a town called Brownsville, Texas, that has the very first 3D printed Starbucks.

Okay. Uh and the exciting thing is that Michael knows about it. It opened in April twenty twenty five and Michael was hired to take photos of it because he is an aerial photographer. It's cool. I feel sad when someone tells me they're an aerial photographer because it feels like drones are just gonna kick you right out of the market. Unless he means he photographs aerials in interesting ways. Interesting. Yeah. And there's three D printed

Starbucks has a really interesting aerial. Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe he got confused because uh their logo is a mermaid and the mermaid's called Ariel, of course. You're rocked up going, Where is it? Another thing that's been recently three D printed. Oh yeah. Uh Robert Louis Stevenson. He's back. That's good. Uh this was the University of Leeds and they had a statue that had been decapitated at some stage and they didn't know who it was of.

Uh and so a team sort of realized who it had been sculpted by'cause the signature was on there and they looked at all the different um things that had been sculpted by this person uh and they found a similar bronze. in the Kelvin Grove Art Gallery in Glasgow and realised that this statue must be the same as the bronze. And so then they scanned the bronze head and then three D printed the top of the statue. And it was such cool detective RLS.

That's amazing. Had it been decapitated ages ago. It was a cold case. We didn't know who it was at the stage. That's amazing. That's such cool use of technology. Yeah. Also he died at about forty, so he needs to come back. He took a lot of cocaine, didn't he? Did he? I think. Stevenson. I think did he he wrote Dodge Jekyll and Mr. Heidi, right?

I think it was on like a fourteen day cocaine binge that he wrote it. Yes, he famously wrote it in almost no time at all, but I didn't know that missing piece of information that helps me put it together. Understood. Um, okay, I got a little quickie one here. This one is from Luke McLaughlin and it is that I found out that the former CEO of Food for the Poor, which is a relief organization. Uh the former CO is called Robin Mafood. Yeah.

Oh yeah. I've I definitely feel I've heard that in the past. I feel like I've seen interviews with him where his name comes up on the screen. Yeah. So his his surname is spelled M A H F Dou O D. We love a nominative determinism uh moment on the show. Um yeah. I've I I was looking into a few others. Someone that was in the news recently is the gynecologist, Doctor Vaj, who is now

Uh an internet star. DN Vag, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. That's all right. Sorry, I just to confuse. I don't know how many Doctor Vadges are kind of called that. Because we found out recently that Vaj has another meaning. In Australia, yes. Yeah, it means someone who has been detained under the Vagrancy Act. That's right. In in a very specific place and time in Australia. Yeah, yeah. What else does it mean? I don't understand. No, that's why it's funny, because it means that

Uh is it my turn? It is indeed. Bard and Fiona Green tell me about the wild fig fecus. Psychomorus, uh, which has been recorded to have roots of up to three hundred and ninety three feet deep. Wow. And it's sixty six feet above ground height. It's pretty tall anyway. So if you go from tip to top, it's a total of 459 feet. Whereas the highest redwood, Hyperion, which is supposed to be the tallest tree, is only three hundred and seventy nine point seven feet.

And it has quite shallow roots'cause it they're quite wide and shallow. Right. So actually, if you measure the tallest tree from the bottom of the roots, which I think you should, then the fig is the biggest. It's not as simple as measuring from the tip to where it meets the main. It's you gotta take the roots into it. The roots are stunning. The roots are much bigger than anyone else's roots. How long is your penis? Six foot one if you include all of it.

Um so yeah. Great, great fact. Uh Hyperion could be a bit taller. Uh I don't know if we've said this on the if have we discussed this on the show these are the tallest individual redwood tree. There was a family of woodpeckers who lived at the top and they kept pecking at the top of it so he couldn't get any taller. Right. Otherwise it might have been a few inches taller as well.

That's very funny. What's the what's the tallest tree you guys have been up? Been up. Yeah. Um well I've been to like some tree houses. Yeah. In Australia, yeah, there's a there's a whole bit of Oz and I can't remember what it's called now. I feel like it was called like Valley of the Kings or something like that. Um that might have been Egypt Was it the Valley of the Docks? I am Dorcas.

Queen of the Dorks Yeah. Yeah, it was a it was we had to climb pegs around so it sort of went around like a spiral staircase. Yeah. I remember you told us'cause we did this when who was the guy Oh my god. William Burrows, was it? who works as a lookout. Did he? Or one of those beat generation workers. But yeah, we we discussed it. And you said that when you went up someone was coming down or something? Sort of crouch.

and too afraid to move. And I get it. I think if I was an adult, as a kid you have less fear, I feel, with that kind of stuff. Um she could still be there. I have no idea because we just went back down because what am I going to do? Last time I properly did some tree climbing was at Andy's wedding. Yeah, climbing up the trees. That's right. It was a bit distracting as they were doing their vows in the distance. No, it was okay. I don't mind.

Swinging through the trees. Someone had to look out for wildfires. I do wish you hadn't been shouting Ooh Have you seen the roots on this one? Um you're absolutely right, James. Or I forgot that in fairness it was Dan who said that and I just agreed with him. Well done, James, for agreeing with Dan there. Yeah. Um All right, here's another one. Let's get another. This is from Dennis Walker.

He says I always like facts about things being in unexpected time frames. So the classic thing of the Incas were around while Oxford University was around, um, the idea of the woolly mammoths would have been walking while the pharaohs were still the same time. The Australian pharaohs. The Australian pharaohs? What are th what are they? You were in the Valley of the Kings in Australia. Doesn't matter.

Those ones. Absolutely. It's so funny, listener. Like we literally just had a little break for like maybe like twenty seconds where we just sorted something out. In that time I'd completely forgotten about that conversation. Me too. I pressed the button on both of the backs of your necks for three seconds and that just did a hard reset.

Uh well anyway, what Dennis Walker's trying to tell us is that he says my favourite one of these is that Jack the Ripper could have taken the London tube to Whitechapel. because they cross over in time. So the London Underground Metropolitan Railway opened in eighteen sixty three. Whitechapel became part of the East London Railway in eighteen seventy six. Uh this was then joined to the original Metropolitan Line in eighteen eighty four and the murders happened in eighteen eighty eight.

So it's amazing. And it is the London Underground. And the people who would have crossed over with it is pretty fascinating. We know Mark Twain, enemy of the podcast, took the London Underground. Of course he did. In theory So him. Oh look at me. Maybe he was Jack the Rapper.

I w yeah that's my new theory. Yes, if he was a time traveller,'cause he was here in nineteen hundred and the murders happened twelve years before. But it's really interesting if you look at who was alive, who could have potentially gone on the London Underground at that point. Well, Charles Darwin. Oh yeah. And Charles Darwin was coming in and out of London in the period where there was a line. I don't think it was as

You know Tell you what, survival of the fittest. I know I know that feeling. Getting out the going on the escalators at Hoban. Carry on. More like climbing up the steps at Covent Garden. That's good too. That's good too. We'd all need to be fit to go on the escalator. Do you know what? The jokes evolved.

It's it's undergone a slow process of improvement. You you set'em up down, we'll knock him down between us. Well if Bram Stoker would have been alive, Oscar Wilde would have been alive. Brilliant. Um Arthur Conan Doyle was alive. And Arthur Conan Doyle was one of the people who actively had uh a theory of who Jack the Ripper was. Oh And actually Baker Street was one of the first to be open, wasn't it? I think that's brilliant.

So that that is that is handy if you were gonna be doing that. Um he had a theory that it was a woman. And it led to the Jill the Ripper theory. Oh yeah. Um and quite a few famous names of the day who are not so famous now, um, like Madame Blavatsky, uh who is an occultist, uh, was suggested as a as a possibility.

Tell you what, you uh you need to be as clever as Sherlock Holmes understanding some of that crazy tube map, don't you? Oh, it's so complicated. Back then it would have been really simple'cause it was basically one line. Yep. James James, pull my nuts out of the fire quick.

I think that's quite a good idea for some kind of show or something. Is it's an underground carriage in eighteen ninety and it's Bram Stoker, Charles Darwin, who else do you say? Conan Doyle. Conan Doyle, Oscar Wilde, I guess. Queen Victoria. Yeah. She's on there? Yeah. She wouldn't have been on there. I guess not. But maybe it's But wait, how many of these toughs would have actually used it? I know like the first few times they brought like really important people to go on the underground and

I remember there was one MP who refused'cause he said he was like in his seventies and at that age he wanted to spend as much time over ground as possible. Very nice. That's nice. I tried to see whether Darwin had actually gone on it. And no one knows, but the suggestion is you can't say he definitely didn't because it was such a novelty and such a new thing that the curiosity might have got the better of.

anyone to just at least experience it once. Did they have first class in those days? They did, yeah. They had first and they had third as well actually. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a good pitch for uh if if anyone wants to write that sitcom with me. Has anyone ever gotten back in touch with you for any of your other two hundred thousand sitcoms that you've mentioned on this show? Um I think the important thing is to look forward and like

What matters is getting one commission, not having two hundred thousand failed ideas. The good thing is like when you get this one commission eventually you have a lot of ideas for your second series. Oh yeah. We're gonna have to move a few things around like Okay, it's now not an underground carriage, we're in space. But it's that'll be fine. And everyone's got a Guinness World record. For delicious meals, you could go out to eat. Or you could just make a Marie Calendars meal.

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With its two juicy beef patties, three slices of melted cheese, and tangy big arch sauce, the big arch is what happens when you start making a McDonald's burger and never stop. The big arch. Donalds, McDonald's. Yet for a limited time. All right, well listen, why don't I move us on to the final section of our little fish show, which is every week we like to award custodianship to one of the facts from our long 12-year history of fish.

to someone who is part of the highest tier friend of the podcast as part of Clubfish on Patreon. If you want to join that by the way, patreon.com slash clubfish, uh, you get a bunch of fun things and one of those things is one of our facts. And we'll send you a digital certificate to commemorate it as well as a shout out here. And we're gonna do some now. So why don't we start with you, James? Okay, this fact is now under the custodianship of Chiara.

first experimented on himself but kept falling asleep before he could describe the results. I wonder what like tiny little alterations he made going this time I won't fall asleep. Like'cause it sounds like he did something I'll make it not work. What's the what can you do? How can you Yeah. Yeah. The success is a failure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's almost the opposite of your sitcom situation. Okay. Okay. Well, that's very cool. William Morton. Wonderful fact.

Um let's do another one, Andy. Yes, this one goes out to Git Wang. It's the fact that I love this one. It's the Chessington World of Adventures. which is one of Britain's great great entertainment sites. Yeah. Banned Animal Onesies to stop the animals there from getting confused. Interesting. Wow. Because it's a th it's a huge theme park.

They've got a zoo as well attached and lots of animals there. Yeah. And this was at the time when we did this fact, it was twenty fourteen. Onesies were very big deal. Onesies were the raid. Do you know that chessing to World of Adventures is so old that Mary Somerville could have lived there. Beautiful. Beautiful. I've never been to it. Me neither. We have to do a group. Trip. Where is it? It's in the south. Is it in the south of London though? Yeah, like southwest.

Yeah, so it's a few stops further out from like Kingston. Uh I would never really go in that direction. No. Oh my goodness. I think you're the zoo and and other stuff? Yeah, the zoo is a relatively minor bit of it. I mean the m the most important thing is the amazing rides and um the entertainment and just the all around good family day out. It's just a great place. I went there a lot. I went there a lot of the child.

Have you ever been to Alton Towers? I've been once. Yeah. I loved it. It's built on an old ground where there was a massive bloodbath. of a battle in like the eighth century or something. Really? Wow. Yeah. And still you can hear the screams to this day if you went to Wolden Towers and I went to the restaurant where your food gets a roller coaster to you. Have you been have you done?

It's more of a lazy river. No, there's a there's an amazing restaurant there. Have you been down? I haven't known. Oh my god. It's right, you go there and you order it's a burger in Jets normally. Um and you look up and there's this The kitchens are up there, uh right up in the ceiling. And it comes out your food comes out and it it then there's this crazy array of rails and your food tray goes on a roller coaster and it loops the loop and it swirls around the room and then eventually

lands down at the thing and then you go and pick it up. Do you get to buy a picture of your food at the ends when you're walking out. And it says don't don't get that one. Don't get I don't look good. I don't look nice. It's amazing. Like it's genuinely so exciting. Okay. Yeah, wow, cool. As someone who likes transport infrastructure in lunch.

It's the perfect place to go. You take all your business lunches there that you would take so this sitcom. Okay. All right, uh let's move on to another one. This is now a fact for Jared Rate. And that is if you got into an argument in eighteenth century Abyssinia, you could resolve it by blaming everything on the camel. Scapegoating. Yeah, exactly that. And it was a way that everyone could get out with uh integrity and tact.

'Cause like both sides, no one wants to back down, but you blame the camel. Right. Unfortunately, I don't think it ever ended well for the camel. I feel like it might have been off to but it was just a way that making sure that no one had the hump with you. Very nice. Lovely. Lovely. I I assume we made that joke at the time. It'd be quite fun to go back and see if we did. Um What episode was it? That is episode thirty six. Wow. Yeah.

I think we'd already evolved past those kind of jokes by that. What? Um, it's a sort of modern day The dog farted, right? Um, only if you and Andy got into a huge argument where there might be death because you're arguing over who farted. Yeah. And you're like, No, no, it was the dog and Andy goes, Okay, yeah, fine, it was the dog then Yeah. And then you kind of go your separate ways and no one gets injured.

But we have to kill the dog? Yeah. Oh boy. Okay, here is another one. This is now under the custodianship of Laura Lufu. And Laura, your facts. It's very simple. The ancient Greeks played with yo Yos, Beautiful fact. This was one of those facts where I saw it in the picture. So it was on pottery. This is old Ancient Greek pottery with kids laying out a yo-yo and I remember going, That can't be a yo-yo, surely. And then it is, and they they had yo yo's. It just as we're talking about with fact.

sort of Jack the Ripper in the London Underground. The ancient geek the ancient Greeks played with yo yo's? Come on. What geeks did you say? Did I accidentally say that? In the Valley of the Dorks. That's good. I think um we don't know for sure that they were yo yo's in the modern sense that you could like come up and down and walk the dog and do tricks like It could have been just a stone on the end of a piece of string, right? Oh, I think it's a good thing. Because the technology took

spit it down and make it stay down there for a bit. That's that feels like advanced. Tech. Yeah. Yeah. To me. I think you need to know how to make a little loop on the end of your string, which feels tough for As I say, advanced. Tech. Yep. Um no, that's a beautiful fact. I really like that one. Uh here's another one. This goes out to Louisa Primo. It's that most honeybee hives in the USA live on flatbed trucks.

Oh yeah. Great fact. Transport and infrastructure and bees food and food. All three. No wonder this is an Andy Murray fact. And also, do you know why they do it? It's so that they can uh pollinate almonds.

Yes. Which I believe in the last episode of Little Fish had quite a prominent position. We busted a myth about uh almond extract being made of almonds. Yeah. It was mostly made of peaches. Um yes, and this is about all the bees that are driven around and I think do we work out the cost it costs? One cent to hire one B for one day or something. I think we did a bit of maths about it at the time. Yeah. No, it's a it's a crazy fact. Okay, here's another one.

This one is now under the custodianship of Monty. Loved your work in North Africa, Monty. And your fact this week is that the Sacramento Police Department's got at least one call a week. from people stuck in the world's largest corn maze. Amazing. That's so funny. I wonder if they eventually installed phones in there, emergency phones.

Um, because it was happening at such a rate. I feel lost in the corners though, you might not Yeah, what are you gonna say? Uh what can you see? Well I can see corn on my left, corn on my right, corn on in front of me. We'll go backwards then. This also assumes you can find your way to the phone.

I mean the problem is that you're lost in the middle of the maze. Yeah, yeah, but that's unless you've got a phone every ten meters in this maze. There is a great thing though, of course, now we all have phones. All the time. I prefer Dan's method of installing static infrastructure.

Throughout the corn maze. You guys don't leave your phones at the entrance of a corn maze before going in for the real experience? Yeah, yeah, you're doing it properly. I didn't know you were doing it on hard mode. Raw dogging it. Right, here is another one and this one is going out to Natalia O'Keefe. And that is in eighteen seventy-four there was a plan to transport dead bodies from all over Europe to Mount Vesuvius and dump them in. So the like nature's crematorium, right? It's a

Was that it? It must be. I think that was it. And I think they were gonna make um like a rail track that went all the way to the top or something. Wow. I think it never happened. No. No. They all went to Etna, didn't they? That's right. Yeah, yeah. A TV replacement though service. It was a diversion, yeah. In theory, Jack the Ripper could've got on that train as well.

If you needed. The last one of today goes out to Charlie, and it's the fact that in twenty ten, an abandoned water treatment plant in Baltimore was found to be home to a hundred and seven million spiders. Oh my I know. Because the water treatment plant sound sounds quite big, doesn't it? You can probably fit a lot of spiders in there. It was thirty five thousand uh one hundred and seventy six per cubic meter, and that really is a lot of spiders.

I feel like they've recently found the the most spiders in one place. I might have even mentioned it on here. Really? It's on a cave between Maybe Greece and Macedonia or somewhere. Somewhere in Europe. Wow. Uh and in order to go through the whole cave you go through this area of spiders that is just Oh it's just webs and they're everywhere. You would think if you got that many spiders, they must be eating something. Yes. So there must be even more flies. Yes. What a good point.

Yes, food source must and unless they're cannibalistic each other, don't they? They can do. Yeah. Have you guys heard of the book Webb? Charlotte? No. It's by John Wyndham. It's his one of his last books. Dave Scifi Right. And basically they go, they're trying to set up this new civilization on a very, very remote island in the Pacific.

And they get there and it's really weird, there's nothing living there. And it turns out that basically due to something, spiders have learned how to communicate with each other and they've teamed up. Together rather than just being selfish and eating each other. And basically it turns out that when spiders work together, they can defeat humans. I love John Webb's stuff.

Uh due to something all of the plants can kill you. Or due to something now people in the future can see what's happening here. And he does explain it, but the explanation is never that important. No, absolutely. It's much more let's see how this plays out. He sounds great. Oh man Day of the trip is everyone goes blind and plants can suddenly kill you and walk. Except one guy who um had bandages over his eyes when everyone else went blind. So he wakes up and then

It's very much like twenty-eight days later where he wakes up in hospital. Yeah. Sounds great. Do you want to hear a twenty-eight days later fact that I thought of today? So if uh you have a zombie and every day that zombie Can bite one other person and they become a zombie. Yeah. And then that zombie every day can bite another one. Twenty-eight days later, you wouldn't even notice. It'd be like less than three percent of people would be zombies.

Five days after that, everyone in the world will be zombies. Wow. Because it just ramps right up. Yeah. Like the final five days goes from three percent to a hundred percent. Yeah. Right. I um I once interviewed Erica McAllister, who's been a guest multiple times on our show, works at the NHM on flies, and I interviewed her for my book about zombies, because she has a theory that zombies couldn't exist because of flies.

So let's say they do exist. We would not have noticed because the rate that they would have been eaten, their rotten flesh, and make them collapse. because there's nothing to hold them together, would be so quick and flies would meet the demand of all the rotting flesh that we just wouldn't know if zombies were around.

So flies are saving us from zombies accordingly. I think when John Wyndham used to write his novels and he would be like, Oh, and then uh plants take over and that and then he suddenly thinks, Wait a minute, there's no one to water them. No probably not. And then he just goes, Oh no, forget about it. No book readings at the Royal Botanical Society. But I reckon like when you do those you must constantly come up with like

What about this? Oh I better push past it. I think a lot of sci fi the Martian relied on there being a storm on Mars that would take out that that's the only thing that's not factually accurate to do in the book. Yeah, but sometimes you just gotta let it go. Because like what do you use plants? Cows

So you'll end up with just one of the world with a lot of cows. But that's a different kind of horrifying sci fi.'Cause they are scary cows. You bet. Can you imagine that? Oh my god, monster cows. Millions of cows everywhere. Sorry, I've just got to go, I've got an idea for a second. I'm I'm off to Alton Towers later, James, if you want to come. All right, listen, we need to wrap up. Congratulations to the latest custodians of our fish facts. That is Charlie, Natalia, Monty, Louisa, Laura Lufu.

Jared, Git Wang, Kiara, you are all now custodians of these facts. And if you're listening and you want one yourself, all you need to do is go to patreon.com/slash clubfish. Join the highest tier of Clubfish, which is Friend of the Podcast, and that's what you'll be getting. One day, a shout-out on the show, but before that, a digital certificate acknowledging your fact.

Uh, all right, we are gonna be back again later this week with a proper episode of No Such Thing as a Fish, and then back again next week with more little fish on another Monday. We'll see you then. That's all from us for now. Goodbye.