Breaking up is hard to do. Cleveland broke up with Leonys Martin , and so must Pottymouth. Patti and the Nationals say goodbye to Trevor Rosenthal , he of the formerly infinite ERA. The Chicago White Sox and the Washington Nationals are the first to take the next step in extending protective netting. In the same week that another fan seated just beyond the dugout netting in Dodger Stadium was hit in the head by a foul ball, this one off the bat of the hottest hitter in the league, Cody Bellinger...
Jun 25, 2019•46 min•Season 3Ep. 88
When did stealing home get to be a thing? Current boyfriend Leonys Martin just did it, and so did former boyfriend Elvis Andrus, and even never-gonna-be-a-boyfriend Rougned Odor. We can’t get enough of that. Patti can totally get enough of home runs, however. The pace is scary, and too much of a good thing is boring . The ball is juiced and she can prove it with just one statistic . Baseball science. Er, math. Pottymouth’s David Ortiz update includes mystery and intrigue, a surprisingly affordab...
Jun 18, 2019•26 min•Season 3Ep. 87
The Nationals do Pride right , but Patti may still write a letter about rainbow jerseys. Big Papi, David Ortiz , heads to Boston for medical care after the shooting in Santa Domingo. Elvis Andrus gets in one more head rub, and a bathrobe, as the Rangers retire Adrian Beltre’s number . The long strange trip of this year’s Free Agency season has finally come to an end. It only took until the Draft. Craig Kimbrel signs with the Cubs thanks to the thriftiness of having Zobrist on the restricted list...
Jun 11, 2019•35 min•Season 3Ep. 86
Is it drafty in here? Pottymouth 1) overviews the MLB draft process in which >1200 high school and college boys get a shot at their dreams , 2) plays the tiny violins for the Orioles yet again, and 3) explains why this is the week Dallas Keuchel and Craig Kimbrel will finally get signed. Patti goes on a rant just this side of PG-13 about protective netting. Yet another child was sent to the hospital after being struck by a 90 mph line drive foul ball. Tragic, and easily preventable . Stop bla...
Jun 04, 2019•41 min•Season 3Ep. 85
Former President Barack Obama hits a first-pitch double, completes a touchdown pass, buys organic produce and recognizes greatness in the children attending after-school programs at the Nationals Baseball Academy. Damn, he sets the Baseball Boyfriend bar high. Christian Yelich cross-trains hard, attending a Milwaukee Bucks game with some Green Bay Packers and chugging arena beer like a native son. Josh Bell is hitting homers hard and often. Patti’s Phillies BF Jean Segura went 16 games into a hi...
May 28, 2019•32 min•Season 3Ep. 84
Today’s baseball math includes Victor Robles + Matt Grace = Patti, and Patti + Matt Grace = Gerardo Parra . Yes, it is a birthday / no GoT spoilers show. Matt Olson proves the hamate is the appendix of the hand. Leonys Martin says thank you and Ian Kinsler says F-you, much to Pottymouth’s delight. SI typecasts Patti, with Jason Heyward on her fantasy team. Your hosts propose expanding “hit for the cycle” to include mathematical and wildcard cycles. We celebrate Diamilette Quiles as she breaks th...
May 21, 2019•39 min•Season 3Ep. 83
Where was Michael Brantley when Patti had a flat tire? Turns out he was rescuing other strangers in distress closer to Minute Maid Park, as boyfriends do. Pottymouth’s old Dodger BF Kiké Hernandez works some magic for her new BF Justin Turner . Addison Frickin’ Russell is back. The Panda = Mudcat+Bees. Albert Pujols historic RBI mark set off a new set of NCIB Rules, this time on catching baseballs in the stands. Gerardo Parra announces his arrival with the Nats with sexy defense and a slam. In p...
May 14, 2019•38 min•Season 3Ep. 82
Patti and the Pottymouth welcome Jenn Rubenstein of @QueerFancyStats to talk using gmLI , wOBA, and spreadsheets in the service of good. Through Jenn, the mad baseball skills of MLB homophobes generate donations to local LGBTQ organizations, as do successes of exemplary community leaders like National’s closer Sean Doolittle . This week’s cross-training segment looks at gender, and gender equity, from court decisions about Olympian Caster Semenya’s testosterone level to the #forthegame movement ...
May 07, 2019•42 min•Season 3Ep. 81
Two #1 prospects got the call this past weekend and Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. and Carter Kieboom did NOT disappoint. The Youthquake hit Nats Park as Juan Soto and Victor Robles joined Kieboom in homering in the same game, making history . Patti and the Pottymouth check in on their predictions a month in, and learn they are Not Good At This and perhaps should have thought about Cody Bellinger some more. In the occasional NCiB rules segment, we offer helpful hints on dressing for ballgames, home and ...
Apr 30, 2019•46 min•Season 3Ep. 80
Patti and The Pottymouth set up the context around the Tim Anderson fracas /ruckus/bruhaha. Can’t ignore that he’s the only African-American player on the White Sox. Shockingly, we come out on the side of Kids Today , and agreeing with Trevor Bauer . We welcome very special guest Emily Jaenson , General Manager of the Reno Aces, who tells us what it takes to run a Triple A affiliate. By the end of the show, our to-do list includes shopping for “ Los Corazones de Reno ” swag, calling Southwest Ai...
Apr 23, 2019•45 min•Season 3Ep. 79
Trevor Rosenthal records three outs and Chris Davis has a three hit game, and all the best memes are over. It turns out that Ozzie Albies ’ team-friendly extension is not just about his choices, but the ripple effect changes how other players are valued . Patti and Pottymouth have a friendly homerun smackdown over their picks for National League RoY, Pete Alonzo and Fernado Tatis, Jr , respectively. Pottymouth provides a rundown on the Trailblazer Series , where MLB is actively encouraging girls...
Apr 16, 2019•33 min•Season 3Ep. 78
Patti comes This Close to swearing like a sailor when Trump calls off MLB’s agreement with Cuba. Boyfriend Ronald Acuña, Jr. signs a deal for life-changing money, Christian Yelich becomes a spokesmodel for good in the world, and David Price wants to see Mookie Betts’ face everywhere. This week’s baseball math takes us to infinity and beyond with Trevor Rosenthal’ s impossible ERA. Yasiel Puig clears the benches, fuels the fracas, and re-ups the ruckus. Not sure when it is permissible to boo? We’...
Apr 09, 2019•40 min•Season 3Ep. 77
Pottymouth has the power to break up no-hitters while eating pizza, but Patti can’t get out of walk-up music hell. Christian Yelich just keeps hitting home runs, Yandy Diaz doesn’t need no stinkin’ launch angle, and catcher Russell Martin pitches a 1-2-3 inning for the Dodgers. Did Patti put him in the wrong category in the Fantasy Boyfriend League? Your hosts offer their playoff and award predictions. Surprising no one, Pottymouth says “Red Sox” a lot, but not as much as Patti says “math” and “...
Apr 02, 2019•34 min•Season 3Ep. 76
Patti cross-trains for Opening Day by rocking her March Madness bracket. Pottymouth warms up with early morning baseball in Japan (thanks for everything, Ichiro). Fernando Tatis Jr is Johnny Hustle, but he doesn’t make the Opening Day roster. Matt Olsen was set to be Patti’s starting 1B, until he had hamate surgery. Yes, that’s a real thing. We’re all about fun facts and contract extensions this week, for superstar Mike Trout , for on-the-verge-of greatness Alex Bregman , and for Eloy “hasn’t ev...
Mar 26, 2019•33 min•Season 3Ep. 75
Pottymouth is in Ted Williams heaven and Patti wallows at the top of the Misery Index as we kick off the St. Patti’s Day show. The Blue Jays make some excellent promises around minor league pay . Astros manager AJ Hinch wins the dubious honor of the first premature ejection of the (pre)season, Bryce Harper makes news by falling down and getting back up, and both Adam Jones and Carlos Gonzalez land safe and sound. We share our starting lineups for our Fantasy Boyfriend Baseball League and invite ...
Mar 19, 2019•38 min•Season 3Ep. 74
Daylight Savings Time and breakfast beer render us incapable of avoiding Alex Rodriquez’s engagement to Jennifer Lopez. We send our best to Tom Seaver of the Miracle Mets. Omnivore Patti explains to vegetarian Pottymouth why it is totally reasonable for Joe Kelly to suffer back problems after staffing a five-hour crawfish boil. We raise our breakfast beer to our girl, Jessica Mendoza , on her new gig with the Mets. Pottymouth claims the Cardinals pitching squad for her Fantasy team, with specifi...
Mar 12, 2019•33 min•Season 3Ep. 73
We get past the feels to discuss the bigger picture of Bryce Harper’s record-setting agreement with the Phillies. Nolan Arenado also breaks contract records this week with his 8-year extension with the Rockies. What do these deals mean for other superstars? Ronald Guzman adopts a condor and starts a trend. Pottymouth uses her “keep one boyfriend” card on Mookie “Pookie” Betts, and Patti owes her a Jackie Wilson tutorial after selecting Jackie Bradley Jr. for her Red Sox boyfriend. There was no d...
Mar 05, 2019•43 min•Season 3Ep. 72
Patti and the Pottymouth bask in the glow of watching our boys in the first spring training games. The dying embers of the hot stove bring us a Machado Free Agency object lesson, and a soft landing for Mike Moustakas . Predictably, Patti chooses Dr. Smooth, Michael Brantley , as her Astros boyfriend, while Pottymouth goes for young superstar Carlos Correa , of the World Series marriage proposal. Pottymouth makes Patti’s head spin by how fast she changes sides on the “stupid loser” twitterspat on...
Feb 26, 2019•40 min•Season 3Ep. 71
In just one episode, Pottymouth apologizes to Carlos Asuaje, C.C. Sabathia , and Francisco Cervelli, and says “ interpretive dance” and “papiamentu” while Patti condones inspirational quotes and uses “Cutie Pie” in a sports context. Hell has indeed frozen over. Max Scherzer , Jake Arietta, and Christian Yelich call foul on the free agency season. Yankee Boyfriends are not an easy sell to NCiB, so Pottymouth selected a Curaçaoan with a kickass mom, Didi Gregorious , and Patti chose barely even a ...
Feb 19, 2019•44 min•Season 3Ep. 70
Frank Robinson was a hero to your NCiB hosts, for Cleveland, for Baltimore, for Washington, and for Puerto Rico. RIP, Frank. MLB makes an excellent wording change . Pottymouth won’t let Patti pick a DH fight , yet. Maybe next week. Pottymouth continues building a Curaçaoan-heavy boyfriend team with her pick of A’s shortstop Jurickson Profar . Patti counters with Oakland’s breakout home run king Matt Olsen . Farther South in Dodgerland, Pottymouth shows generous Ginger Beard Justin Turner some lo...
Feb 12, 2019•46 min•Season 2Ep. 69
Patti and the Pottymouth enjoy a civilized baseball conversation just hours before the football screaming begins. Nolan Arenado’s one year deal at the arbitration deadline sets a new record, and talks of a contract extension may save him from free agency drama. Our hometown Nationals get props for stellar execution of the offseason, no matter what Harper decides, while many teams just don’t seem to care . Pottymouth puts the Red Sox on notice that even diehard fans like her have their limits -- ...
Feb 05, 2019•45 min•Season 2Ep. 68
A.J. Pollock signs before those other guys. The Tampa Bay Rays tell their shrinking fan base that their cash is not welcome at Tropicana Field. The Red Sox kick their White House visit further down the road. “ Utility player ” doesn’t mean what it used to mean, in the new world order of the shift, no ground balls, and a big fat bullpen. In a surprising turn of events, Pottymouth picks a nice guy, Daniel Robertson , and Patti goes for Cuban defector and “most jacked player in baseball” Yandy Diaz...
Jan 29, 2019•37 min•Season 2Ep. 67
In her continuing quest to encourage the watching of winter baseball, Pottymouth teaches Patti Spanish baseball words. Adam Ottavino throws shade at Babe Ruth. Will Kyler Murray listen to Deion Sanders ? The hot stove has cooled so much we pay attention to a “ stupid loser ” spat. We forget one or two of the five tools, but Pottymouth’s Mariner’s boyfriend, Mitch Haniger , has six. Patti did not pick J.P. Crawford just because he named his dogs after Marvel superheroes, but she could have. Potty...
Jan 22, 2019•38 min•Season 2Ep. 66
Pottymouth’s Twittertale finally makes Patti stop defending Trevor Bauer . Yasmani Grandal puts a spark to the hot stove, and Kyler Murray brings back memories of Bo Jackson and Dieon Sanders. We both abandon our initial inclination to bend the rules for Shohei Ohtani and instead select Andrelton Simmons and Justin Upton as Angels boyfriends. Pottymouth gets to flaunt her Curaçao chops and Patti gets to say “I love Omar” and “ hockey ” in the same segment. Pottymouth’s pick of Juan Soto for her ...
Jan 15, 2019•35 min•Season 2Ep. 65
Today’s vocabulary word is “cazatalentos” as MLB scouts visit the Cuba finals for the first time. Nearly 200 free agents are waiting for Harper and Machado to get on with it already so they can have a turn. Both our Twins boyfriends have been suspended for drug use, PED or otherwise. Kinda Pottymouth’s wheelhouse, but Patti? Come, on! Eddie Rosario wins Pottymouth over with hurricane relief and visiting his teachers in Puerto Rico. Nelson Cruz hits the Patti trifecta with Boomsticks, firetrucks,...
Jan 08, 2019•34 min•Season 2Ep. 64
CC Sabathia gets that unearned bonus and almost has a heart attack . We were THIS CLOSE in our predictions. We can’t completely shake our Dominican infielder boyfriend rut, but we add the Dad factor. For the Rangers, Pottymouth selects Yankee-killer Ronald Guzman , and Patti goes with super nice dude Scott Heineman . Closer to home, Pottymouth gets Phillies catcher Jorge Alfaro for real this time, and Patti takes newly-acquired All-Star Jean Segura , forcing her to say nice things about Robinson...
Jan 01, 2019•38 min•Season 2Ep. 63
Patti and Pottymouth find a soulmate in Cami Kidder , director and producer of the upcoming documentary, “ Throw Like a Girl .” Any story that starts in Red Sox fantasy camp and moves on to 11-year-old girls taking on the baseball patriarchy is okay by us. Before the interview, Patti defends Wyoming, for the first time ever, and later fesses up that Wyoming native Brandon Nimmo , that Smile Guy, is her Mets boyfriend. Luke Maile replaces Benny as her BF from the Greater Cincinnati area that play...
Dec 18, 2018•44 min•Season 2Ep. 62
Are the Diamondbacks and Mariners already tanking on purpose? Why else would Paul Goldschmidt get shipped off to St. Louis? The Nationals say thanks for Patrick Corbin, BTW. Jean Segura ’s trip to the Phillies nails the Seattle coffin shut. It’s too early for this nonsense. The word of the day is “waivers.” Pottymouth turns down Brandon Dixon for the second straight week, picking Christin Gaylin Harris Stewart as her Tigers BF. She then replaces Brandon Crawford with Brandon Belt on her Giants d...
Dec 11, 2018•34 min•Season 2Ep. 58
Patti and the Pottymouth acknowledge the passing of former Yale Baseball Captain George Herbert Walker Bush , who earns major cred for keeping his college glove oiled and ready in a desk drawer in the Oval Office. The Mets make a monster trade for Robinson Cano , leading us to wonder about Brodie Van Wagenen’s reach. Jonathan Schoop, Billy Hamilton, and others get “ non-tendered ” which is one weird verb. Pottymouth activates “text-a-friend” to identify White Sox boyfriend and nonstop noise mach...
Dec 04, 2018•38 min•Season 1Ep. 58
Big Sexy Bartolo Colon is pitching with the Eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really we’re just waiting for him to come back from the Dominican League. Adrian Beltre achieves Boyfriend Emeritus status and we still aren’t allowed to touch his head. Jose Bautista’s bat flip inspires an entomologist and today’s baseball science segment. Big Maple James Paxton is pitching with the eagles, which sounds like a metaphor but really it’s about the Yankees and wildlife. Pottymouth introduces Alex G...
Nov 27, 2018•32 min•Season 2Ep. 57
